


This Time Around

by MistressMistrust



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV), daryl dixon - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Humor, Awkward Crush, Awkward Flirting, Awkwardness, Canon Divergence, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Smut, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Some Canon Scenes and Dialogue, Strong Language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2020-06-02 09:49:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 30
Words: 286,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19438978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistressMistrust/pseuds/MistressMistrust
Summary: Family isn't always blood. It's the people that want you in their lives because you somehow enrich theirs. It's the people that accept you for your flaws and still love you regardless. People who will do anything to see you smile no matter what.To Jess, fitting in had always been a tall order. After living a nomadic lifestyle for most of her life as an Army Brat in Texas, she finally graduated and settled just outside Atlanta, Georgia in an apartment adorned with bookshelves, comic books, cult films and a closet full of rare, collectible T-shirts. Things seemed to be coming together, until she found herself sprinting through the woods with a hungry Walker hot on her heels, towards a new life that would push her to the limits of her physical and mental self. Learning some valuable lessons along the way, Jess faces her flaws, her insecurities and her self-doubt when she enters into one of the most unlikely of friendships.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Welcome to my first ever request! I am SUPER NERVOUS about this and I really hope I do the amazing ideas I've been given justice. I really love this OC already, she is a delight to write so I hope everyone else loves her too. 
> 
> I am not a professional writer and I do not write in order to receive any nasty comments or unnecessarily critical reviews. This is my hobby and it takes up a massive part of my life, so anyone that reads, leaves Kudos or comments; Thank you in advance, you have no idea how much it means to me. I endeavor to reply to all comments left for me to ensure it's known how motivating I find them. 
> 
> I have a strcture, time frame and some amazing scenes planned for this one and I am SO excited to share it. I do have three other WIP's so updates may not be as frequent as on those. 
> 
> This has been a huge challenge for me to keep Daryl as in character as possible due to the timing and how much he changed across the seasons. I think i've pulled it off. It's hard to tell when you've been staring at dialogue for so long. So I hope you all agree with the way he comes across.
> 
> As this is FanFic and (almost) anything goes, there is a time jump that is longer than it is in the show, purely so the story works better.
> 
> To the lovely lady that asked me to write this for her: Thank you. I cannot tell you how honoured and flattered I am. I hope you like it.

Screaming. High-pitched, desperate screaming, piercing the air and echoing all around, bouncing off the trees like rubber balls, ricocheting and growing louder with every thud of her boots on the dry, cracked ground. Or, was that her imagination? Her heartbeat thrummed in her head as she sucked in breaths to try and propel herself forwards, her chest burning with every gasp and her feet aching after each rapid step. She scolded herself for every single excuse she’d thought up to stop herself from going to the gym, or for a jog, or to the tennis courts. She really wished she wasn’t so inclined to sitting inside and gaming or reading. If she’d known she’d need such stamina to save herself from the jaws of another human being, she’d have jumped on a treadmill occasionally.

Twigs broke under her boots as branches snapped at her sweat covered face but still, she pushed on, further into the woods, away from the screaming. The snarling had grown quiet as the inferno in her lungs grew hotter, her breath became labored and she stumbled, her hands shooting out and grabbing at a nearby tree. Bark and dirt filled her mouth and obscured her view. She blinked, only to find her vision blurred by mud. It took a few precious seconds for her to realize that she’d fallen before she quickly hauled her body upright and carried on along her jagged path through the woods.

She thought there had to have been at least ten people behind her when she had flown off into the tree line from the highway, all terrified with eyes bulging and hearts hammering. Now, her surroundings had fallen quiet and it occurred to her that she was wandering alone in the thick darkness, meandering between trees with no weapons or idea where she was headed. She stopped in her tracks, leaning against a trunk and trying to catch her breath. Her ears strained to hear the slightest sounds around her so she could sprint off at any hint of danger. Her hands found the straps of her back pack, tugging it from her shoulder and swinging it around to her front. Inside, she selected a torch and quickly flicked the switch. A bright, beam of light shot through the velvet dark, illuminating her surroundings and proving that she was now alone. She swallowed hard and gradually edged around the trunk, shining the torch between the surrounding trees and listening, above the sound of her own breathing for the slightest snap of a twig of a distant groan.

She was walking the highway after being unable to drive any further. The city saw thousands upon thousands of people flee when the chaos hit and spread like a wildfire. She watched from a distant hill as the roads filled up with panicked, angry refugees that were offering each other money and all manner of expensive and luxury items for passage out of the highly populated area that had fast become a death trap.

After losing her companion shortly after fleeing into the woods, she was forced to shake off the shock of what she had witnessed. Her best friends throat ripped out in a split second, a river of crimson blood flooding over his bright, white clothing, the contrast somehow making the horrendous scene even more macabre. With no time to cry, no breaks in which to grieve, she raced off with blurry eyes into the night with her friend’s assailant hot on her heels, snarling and snapping its jaws until the sound was gradually replaced by the terrified screams of others, dotted about in the trees around her.

She kept walking until her heels ached and her knees grew weary and her stomach grumbled so loudly, she wrapped her hands around it to muffle the sound. Knowing she had to get some rest, she chose the sturdiest looking tree she could find and began to climb, her hands gripping the harsh bark and heaving her weary body up the structure until she was perched on a thick branch that was wider than her own body. She settled against the trunk. The contents of her backpack dug into her spine but she cared little for anything except being able to rest someplace that meant she wasn’t about to be consumed by what once was somebody’s son or daughter, somebody’s husband or wife. Now, just a ravenous, monstrous shell of what they were.

When she awoke, light shone through the trees, a slither hitting her face and heating up one cheek. She blinked and shook her head before leaning over the edge of the branch and checking it was clear to climb down. Finding nothing, she was soon ambling back over the leafy ground in search of some semblance of shelter.

* * *

Carol watched as her young daughter gently plucked at the fabric of her doll. Such delicate fingers poised over the cloth face of an effigy she’d become attached to ever since she was a baby. She was a quiet child, even more so since they’d arrived at the camp. She’d seen things no one of her age should have, the same things that other children across the world had now seen. Not to mention the violence she’d witnessed before the turn. Violence at the hands of her own father. Carol’s heart hurt for her and not only the memories she would have to carry, but the new, even more brutal things she was unavoidably going to have to endure in her bleak and uncertain future.

Her dirty blonde hair glistened in the sun and her skin, still so young and flawless, had yet to display the pallid gray that some of the others had. Her freckles were still noticeable and each one reminded Carol of the times when she’d cradle the girl in her arms, counting the subtle dots across her nose and smiling to herself.

“Mom?” Sophia squeaked from the waters edge.

The quarry boasted a deep, teal body of water that provided the camp with a means to wash clothes, bodies and was a much-needed source of drinking water once boiled of its impurities. The blazing sunshine, intense temperatures and picturesque view from the top made it the ideal place to set up and stay for a while and most of the camps population had no designs on moving anywhere.

“Yes, sweetheart?” Carol cooed back.

“There’s a woman up there.”

The small girls tiny finger extended, pointing out a lone figure stood, buckled over at the top of the quarry. A red backpack was hanging from the woman’s shoulders and she used the front of her black T-shirt to wipe sweat from her forehead, exposing a pale stomach. Carol squinted and slowly got to her feet, shielding her eyes from the sun in order to gain a better view. Her brow furrowed and her heart began to race in her chest.

“Shane!” She suddenly shouted, her voice thrown around the quarry and traveling up the hill to the main camp. “Come on, Sophia. Come with me. We have to go and get Shane.”

* * *

She had been at the camp for three days before she summoned up the courage to talk to anyone. An introvert by nature and traumatized by her experience, she chose to retreat into her tent and sleep while others went about their daily tasks. She ate alone, sat alone and read her books alone. Carol was the woman that first approached her at the top of the quarry, flanked by a group of four men. She didn’t remember the names of any of them at the time, only Carol’s as she backed away like a frightened deer. Coaxed along to the camp on the promise of food and a tent, she hadn’t breathed a word then and still hadn’t as she sat, hugging her legs and peering up at everyone on the third evening.

She flinched when a man crouched down in front of her and offered her a square, metal camping bowl of food. She didn’t care what it was, her stomach protested loudly at its emptiness and she slowly took the bowl from his hands. Carol had been the one to make sure she ate, it was always Carol. Nice, non-threatening, motherly Carol. Now, it was this man with his sunken eyes, dark, military haircut and thin lips.

“How you doin’?” The man asked.

She half shrugged, not able to manage much more for fear of having to get into a conversation.

“I don’t know if you remember, but I’m Shane. Over there…” He pointed to a man dressed in a sheriff’s uniform. “…That’s Rick. Then ya got T-Dog next to him and then Glenn. That’s just some of us. You’ve been pretty quiet; just thought I’d let you know who people are. You need anything, just ask anyone, OK?”

She nodded a thanks and leaned forwards, taking a small sniff of her food. Some kind of meat stew, laden with herbs. It was the most amazing thing to grace her nostrils in four days.

“You got a name?” Shane asked.

“J-Jess.” She uttered through chapped, cracked lips.

“Well, Jess. I know you’re scared n’ all. We all are. But you’re safe here.” He assured her.

“OK. T-Thank you.” She stammered, picking up a spoon from the bowl and beginning to stir her food.

When Shane left her, she hungrily demolished the stew and picked up her journal from beside her. She knew she’d soon run out of ink for her pen and resigned herself to the fact that she would at some point, need to ask someone to fetch her a new one from one of the supply runs they seemed to frequently go on. As she scribbled, jeering from the other side of the camp caught her attention and she glanced up to see two more men emerge from the trees, one was carrying a crossbow, his sleeveless arms shiny in the light as he approached the glow of the fire with a string of squirrels hoisted over his shoulder. He wore a leather vest and his expression was sour, despite the cheering and jokes being cracked by his companion. The other man was visibly older, bald and also wore a leather vest, he swung a dead opossum by his side as he walked, soon throwing down in front of the fire with a dusty thud and laughing.

“What would y’all do without us, huh?!” He cried with a voice louder than any of the others Jess had heard so far. From his body language and his attitude, she could tell this one was going to be trouble.

Jess saw Shane get to his feet and whisper to the man to keep the noise down, but he was met with nothing but a snarl. The man with the squirrels was already stalking over in the direction of Jess’s tent, suddenly veering off and slamming the dead animals onto a makeshift table and propping his crossbow against the structure at his feet.

“Merle, get ya ugly ass over here. I’ma get to skinnin’ these.” He announced.

Jess retreated back into her tent in an attempt to stay out of the sightline of both men, judging them both to be the kind of people she would have steered well clear of before she found herself running through the woods for her life.

* * *

In the time it had taken for Carol to persuade Jess to emerge from her tent and meet some of the others, her presence at the camp was now being noticed by just about everyone. She had briefly conversed with the younger members of the group; Carl, who was Rick and Lori’s son and Sophia, Carol and Ed’s daughter. Children were altogether less intimidating and energy draining than adults could be to Jess, especially in such a setting, where noise and rigorous activity needed to be kept to a minimum, as were the rules.

There were two other girls of Jess’s age which she deliberately steered clear of without hesitation, Sarah and Jodie. Initially met with outwardly false smiles and raised eyebrows, the transparency of the two females that peered back at her was evident and enough to make sure she knew her place was not with them. Her history with female friends not being one to shout about, other women never seemed to take to her due to her obscure and nerdy interests and quiet nature. Constantly a source of ridicule at high schools she'd attended, she kept herself to herself and spent her free time at comic book stores and conventions with her handful of close, male friends she would undoubtedly make eventually. All of which were now dead.

The loud man from the previous night, who’s name she had learned was Merle, had already proved that her suspicions about him being trouble were correct. Jess always knew to trust her gut; it hadn’t let her down yet. Walking past her as she hurried along behind Carol, he slowly looked her up and down, running his tongue along his bottom lip and rubbing his chin. Beside him, was the other man in the leather vest, his younger brother; Daryl.

“Aint she a meaty one? Lil’ more cushin’ for the pushin’, huh, Daryl?” He sneered.

His brother merely glanced up and caught Jess’s eye as she passed, his blue irises flashing before her. She had never seen such icy blue eyes before.

“Shut up, Merle” She heard him mutter in response.

* * *

Since arriving at the camp, Jess hadn’t seen any of the dead ones. She figured she’d wandered so far up the mountain, that hardly anyone alive, let alone dead would be likely to follow her. She noticed that they had coined the name ‘Walkers’ by those around her and felt safe in the knowledge that no one had seen one enter the camp for weeks due to the surrounding makeshift alarms comprised of tin cans and other noisy materials. Whispers around the campfire had indicated that the city was full of them and they were now starting to run out of food and disperse into the surrounding areas.

Sat in her usual spot just inside her tent, she jotted down what she thought was the date at the top of the next page of her journal, although she couldn’t be sure if it was correct or not. Giggling in the distance caused her to look up, where she clocked the unmistakable sight of Sarah and Jodie making fun of her from across the clearing. Jess couldn’t help but lift an eyebrow in disgust at the typical nature of their body language. Hands deliberately blocking mouths as they spoke, eyes intermittently locking on her and childish giggling that she expected from the likes of Sophia or Carl, but not from two women in their twenties. She shook her head and sighed, turning her attention back to finishing the date on the page when her eyes lowered further, to the extra flesh around her middle, her thicker thighs than the other girls, even her fingers. Bigger, softer. She flattened her hand on the page and sighed. Then, screaming rang out across the camp.

Everyone seemed to move simultaneously, grabbing at everything that could be used as a weapon. Jess froze to the spot until she saw Carol making her way towards the children with several others and whisking them away. Curiosity fueled her to move and find out how high the threat was, knowing she needed to keep a safe distance but still get close enough to see what the fuss was about.

Just inside the tree line, Dale, owner of the groups RV and resident, straw hat lookout was busy beating the hell out of a single Walker with Rick and some of the others with blunt objects, bats and even a broom. Jess looked on in disbelief at the Walker that had eventually fallen to the floor and quietened, beside it, lay a deer with an arrow in its rear end and a myriad of bite marks taken out of its side. The small huddle of people exchanged glances, their chests all rising and falling.

“Never seen them this far up the mountain before” Dale commented.

“Well, they’re running out of food in the city” Carol remarked to the cluster of concerned and sweaty faces.

“Son of a bitch!” Came another, angry voice from further back. “That’s my deer!”

Daryl emerged from the bushes, crossbow in hand, sweat beaded on his chest and forehead, yet more dead squirrels thrown over his shoulder and ripped the crossbow bolt from the deer’s rump with one, swift movement.

“Look at it, all gnawed on by this filthy, disease-bearin’, motherless, poxy, bastard!”

With each new word, his boot collided with the Walkers body on the floor, Jess sidestepped slightly to gain herself a better view of him in his entirety through the bushes.

“Calm down, Son. That’s not helping” Dale scolded.

“And what do you know ‘bout it, ol’ man?! Why don’t you take that stupid hat and go back to ‘on golden pond’? I been trackin’ this deer for miles!”

As he finished his sentence, the Walker at his feet began to writhe and gnash its jaws. Jess felt her throat constrict at the thought of it not being dead and wondered just how the hell they were meant to be stopped if gunfire emitted too much noise.

“Oh my god” Glenn groaned as he resumed beating the corpse with a stick.

“C’mon, people! What the hell?!” Daryl exclaimed as he aimed at the Walkers head with his crossbow and pulled the trigger. A neon bolt embedded in its skull and instantly, the threat was eliminated. “It’s gotta be the brain. Don’t y’all know nothin’?”

Retrieving his bolt from between the Walkers eyes, he huffed and threw everyone an exasperated look. Before she could even think, Jess found herself face to face with him as he stormed through the brush, unexpectedly running into her. She quickly stepped back and tried to drop her gaze, but his stare was so intense that she found herself rooted to the spot while he paused to take in the view of her. She swallowed hard and finally managed to step aside and let him pass. When he did so without a word, she almost tried to blink the shock from her eyes as she turned on her heels and made her way back to her tent.

That night she braved sitting around the camp fire with everyone else at dinner, although she sat further back than the rest. Nibbling on strips of squirrel, Jess didn’t follow any conversations that were taking place. Opposite her, sat even further back than her in the shadows, was Daryl, who had just finished up licking excess meat from his fingers and was now watching her over the flames, his arms draped over his bent legs. She was aware his attention was firmly fixed on her and grew increasingly uncomfortable under his scrutiny. Why was he looking at her like that? Why was he looking at her at all?

* * *

After another two days, Jess was still finding it hard to settle in amongst the masses at the camp. Only speaking briefly to a handful of people, she decided that Carol was the easiest person to converse with, except Rick, who never seemed to give her a choice but to answer when he asked after her welfare. Her days were spent reading, writing or tagging along with Carol by the water and helping with the laundry. Her knowledge of certain historical periods meant she knew how to wash clothes without the aid of a washer dryer and was able to lend a hand in getting through the huge piles of dirty clothes that appeared in the crate at the start of each day.

Carol wasn’t shy about encouraging Jess to learn new skills and on one particular occasion, caused a great deal of anxiety when she handed her a knife and a pile of dead squirrels and told her to start skinning them. Before Jess could protest or express her ignorance on such a subject, Carol had vanished from sight, summoned by her aggressive and overbearing husband, Ed. Her hand shook as she looked down at her fingers clutching the knife, Daryl’s presence on a rock behind her niggling away in her mind. If anyone knew how to skin squirrels, it would be him. She turned her body slightly so as to block his view and began prodding one of the small animals with the sharp end of the knife.

Daryl, able to see over her shoulder from his higher vantage point, furrowed his brow and threw his smoke away. He climbed down from the rock and approached her.

“Kinda shit show is that? Give it here.” He snapped, reaching for her knife. She stilled, wide eyed and tried to focus on what she should say.

She slowly looked sideways at him with the squirrel in her hand. She still gripped the knife and he beckoned with his fingers for her to pass it to him along with the dead animal. She gingerly handed him him both and stepped aside, letting him take up her spot. Before he set to work, he noticed her discomfort and awkward expression.

“She uh-she left before I could tell her I have no idea what I’m doing.” She said quickly. 

He grunted and turned his head to see Carol with Ed, who’s voice was raised and echoing around the quarry. Shane stood nearby, arms crossed, keeping a very close eye on the arguing couple. Ed’s arms were flailing in the air as Carol stood meekly in front of him. Daryl bit his bottom lip for a second and decided to leave them to it, getting involved in other people’s drama wasn’t something he made a habit of. He turned his attention back to Jess.

“What exactly do ya do around here?” He asked her.

It was a good question and one she didn’t have much of an answer to. Since she’d arrived, she slinked about in the shadows, folding her collectable superhero T-shirts that she happened to have bought on the day the world went awry and scribbling in her journal. She’d only recently started to lend a hand with the laundry but other than that, she could honestly say she’d been nothing but a leech.

“Um… I got a pretty loud scream. It’s like a…Walker alarm. Just haven’t used it yet.” She said with a small smile.

He huffed, unimpressed and figured she would be even more useless unless he showed her what to do with the knife and the squirrel.

“Pay attention.” He mumbled, motioning to the animal with the knife. “Gotta start right here, cut up to the tailbone”

As he spoke, he physically showed her what to do, pointing out each part and showing her exactly how to angle the knife in the process. Jess winced at the sound of the knife slicing through the flesh and tried to act as though the blood didn’t bother her. But she was never a good liar and her stomach flipped at the sight. Her face paled and she took a deep breath.

“Then, down each leg. Gotta make a flap of skin on each. Can grab it and yank it right off, cut as ya go.” He explained, focused on his task and missing Jess’s pained expression. He ripped the skin from the animal and tossed it aside before holding the bloodied knife out to her and finally noticing her pallid skin and sweaty forehead.

“R-right.” She stammered, slowly taking the knife from him.

“Practice. Make ya self useful.” He said, his tone now less antagonistic and more akin to someone with a helpful suggestion.

“Right. Yeah.” She mumbled, taking the knife back and dragging the back of her wrist across her forehead.

Relief washed over her when he finally departed, leaving her to her task. While it took her probably double the time it would have taken Daryl, she eventually finished it and cleaned up with a sense of pride and accomplishment welling in her chest.

* * *

_'I'm not entirely sure I’ll ever fit in with this group. I know I don’t really fit in anywhere else either, but no matter how hard I try, I always seem to get left behind. Since I’ve been here, I’ve been thinking a lot about mom and dad and my asshole brother who I miss so much. Seeing people that still have their families, I hope they know how lucky they are. I know I never really fit in with them either, but they were my blood._

_It’s a miracle I survived on my own, I see that even more now I’m around people with actual survival skills. There are fighters, hunters, people that are good with weapons, even people that think more strategically than me. I feel kind of useless. I’m slower and a liability compared to these people. A guy called Daryl had to teach me how to skin a squirrel today. I almost hurled on the table in front of him and I felt like an idiot at first but at least he took the time to show me instead of making fun of me. If I’m honest, I was really expecting the latter.'_

She closed the journal. Shoved it back in her bag and slung it over her shoulder. Then, she picked up the bunch of skinned squirrels and made her way to the top of the hill. The heat from the sun was starting to lessen and she was grateful for it, she wasn’t used to building up much of a sweat, so her new surroundings up in the sky, a top a mountain had been a shock to the system. People wandered about the camp and children played quietly as the fire in the middle started to intensify, ready to provide warmth from the sudden cold snap that came as soon as the sun vanished below the horizon.

Jess spotted Merle on the outskirts of the group. He sat with a tree stump in front of him and a large knife, dissecting meat and driving it onto skewers for cooking. Jess took a deep breath and made tracks towards him, passing the RV in the process, where Daryl sat on the roof, watching her. She kept her head up when passing Sarah and Jodie, Sarah brushing through her blonde hair with her fingers as they ambled along.

“Better get in quick before she eats every scrap. Girl definitely isn’t starving.” Jodie whispered to her friend.

The comment hit Jess’s chest like a bulldozer but outwardly, her reaction was minimal. She carried on walking and handed the squirrels to Merle wordlessly before turning on her heel and stalking off back to her tent. She could hear Merle chuckle to himself behind her but paid him no mind. He wasn’t the one that could stamp on her feelings so easily. It was other girls. Always other girls.

Daryl was noisily chewing on some beef jerky when he heard Jodie’s scathing comment and saw Jess hesitate as she walked, her head dropping and her shoulders slumping. Sarah and Jodie rounded the RV on their random path and as Daryl looked down at them, his eyes fell on a cup of water set down on the roof of the RV, near to the edge. The temptation proving too great to ignore. Dale must have left it there. Convenient. He kicked the cup, sending water flying over the edge and onto the heads of the two girls below.

“Hey! Watch it, Redneck!” Sarah shrieked as she flicked her hands out, ridding herself of any water droplets. Jodie merely stood there and seethed, her jaw clamped shut and her eyes narrowed up at Daryl. Her sweater was splattered with a dark and no doubt, cold stain.

“Sorry” He smirked.

* * *

Rudely awoken by a cooking pot being thrown against the side of her tent just before sunrise, Jess startled and considered herself lucky the foreign object that had collided with the canvas had missed her head by inches. She crawled out of her sleeping bag and poked her head out of the zipper to the sounds of Merle and T-dog shouting obscenities to each other and brawling in the middle of the clearing. Curse words were yelled and a plethora of racist remarks left Merle’s mouth as he swung another punch in T-dogs direction. Jess winced at the sound of some of his comments and thought herself grateful she’d been brought up in an accepting and open-minded family and didn’t have to endure the seething hatred Merle seemed to feel every time he set eyes on someone that didn’t share his skin color.

The two men wrestled on the ground, dust kicking up and clouding their air as more and more people filtered out from their tents to observe the spectacle. Jess could hear the moment T-dog’s fist collided with Merles face, a kind of sickening thud followed by a loud grunt and a roar as Merle launched himself up and ran at his assailant. Bowls and utensils flew through the air as they thundered through a nearby table and took out the peg of a tent in the process. The shelter sagged and Jess felt a stab of panic as they neared her. She stepped back in an attempt to put some space between her and the fight as Daryl shot out of nowhere and drove himself between them, taking a hard, right hook from Merle that made Jess jump with the loud _crack_ that it made. But Daryl simply emitted a loud grunt and shook it off and she suspected that this was far from the first time he’d been punched in the face.

“Back up! C’mon! Back up, Man!” He instructed, hovering in front of his brother with his hands on his chest. Shane arrived seconds later, just in time to catch T-Dog and pull his hands behind his back in true cop style. Jess raised an eyebrow.

 _So much drama._ She thought.

“Leave it. Just leave it. What the hell is wrong with you?!” Daryl was now hissing at Merle, who was desperately trying to skirt around him. But wherever Merle was, Daryl was firmly in front of him. “Let it go, Merle.”

She bit her lip as she witnessed Daryl manage to de-escalate his brothers rage and she knew that no one else in the entire group would have been able to handle him in quite the same way. His leather vest flapped at his sides in response to him shifting all his weight into his muscular arms in order to hold his brother still. With one leg placed in front of the other, he leaned forwards, a stable grip on each of Merle’s shoulders. Shane was busy dragging T-dog off and whispering in his ear when Glenn’s voice startled her, snapping her away from an image that had suddenly become a little easier to look at.

“You alright?” He asked. If he’d been there the entire time, she had no idea after having completely missed his presence. “Thought you might have gotten hit in your tent.”

“It just missed my head.” Jess replied with a small smile. “Just.”

“Lucky.”

“Yeah. Just glad I wasn’t up and sat by the fire.” She expressed.

“You and me both. Those two have been gunning for one another for days now.” He told her.

She responded with a thin smile and turned her head back to where Daryl was now shoving Merle towards them. As they passed her tent, Daryl’s eyes managed to meet hers. He looked furious, unsettled. Uncomfortable. Taking it as her cue to make herself scarce, she climbed back into her tent.

* * *

It was almost a ritual now, everyone sat down to eat at the same time, like a giant, dysfunctional family. As far as altercations were concerned, everything was usually forgotten about in time for dinner, food being on the top of everyone’s list of priorities. It wasn’t surprising to Jess to see Merle and T-Dog sat in the same vicinity after such a violent fight, both of them seeming content enough with devouring their food than having any more fights. Merle had situated himself slightly further back than everyone else and made a few un-classy remarks under his breath that had so far been ignored by everyone. Jess heard every word but pretended she didn’t as she finished up her meal and made her way back to the cooking pot. Spooning the rest of the stew into a bowl, she dunked a plastic spoon into it and set off to find Daryl, who was the only one absent from the dinnertime ritual.

Sitting far away from the group, on a fallen tree on the edge of the woods, Daryl could hear both Jodie and Sarah making fun of Jess as she passed. Anger simmered in his chest and he grit his teeth at the sound of their incessant, immature and annoying giggling. 

“Here”

Jess’s voice cut through his thoughts and he peered up at her with suspicion. He threw the piece of bark he was picking at on the floor in front of him and locked his gaze on her. 

“You haven’t eaten. Your brother has. So, I took this before he noticed there was seconds.”

“Why?” He grunts.

She licked her lips and exhaled, her shoulders sagging.

“Saved us all from getting caught in the middle of a pretty nasty fight earlier.”

A grunt was all she received in response. Expecting him to react in any other way would have been futile, it was written all over his face that he was not in the mood to socialize.

“How’s your face?” She asked.

His right eye was beginning to swell and she knew that by morning it would be fully blackened. She wished she had a bag of frozen peas or an ice pack to offer, but figured it would only be met with a snappy remark or shrugged off anyway. But Jess wasn’t one to give up easily on something she believed in and in that moment, she believed that Daryl could use a distraction from his bad mood. Shoving away her doubts and shyness, she kept her eyes trained on him.

“Had worse.” He mumbled.

“You should eat, here.” She offed him the bowl again, telling him in no uncertain terms that she was not about to give up. After a small huff, he looked back up at her, slowly dropping his vision to the steaming bowl of food before eventually taking it from her. 

“Thanks.” He grumbled, taking hold of the spoon and shoveling stew into his mouth without any regard for manners or decorum. Jess sat next to him and ripped up a handful of grass from the ground, gradually picking through the blades and discarding them in the breeze.

“Actually, it’s you that deserves the thanks. You hunted the food and then showed me how to skin it instead of just doing it yourself or showing me up in front of the others. So, thanks.”

“Ain’t nothin’.” He dismissed with his mouth full of food.

“Don’t think we’ve been properly introduced. I’m Jessica.” She told him.

_Why didn’t I just say ‘Jess’? No one calls me Jessica. What am I doing?!_

“Jess. You can call me Jess.” She corrected.

He turned his head, quickly scanning her from head to toe and swallowing the contents of his mouth.

“Daryl.” He stated. 

“S’nice to meet you. I mean, as nice it can be, What, with corpses wandering around trying to eat us. That’s not exactly nice. But, there’s nothing like an apocalypse to bring out the best in people. But then again I guess some people are just crappy by nature.” She rambled.

He stared at her for a moment before shoving more food into his mouth. He was animalistic, almost feral somehow and he had an aura of unpredictability that made Jess nervous. Like a lion that appeared tame and calm but just below the surface lurked a danger that she didn’t want to see.

Jess was by all accounts, a self-declared introvert that didn’t actively seek out social interaction and felt the need to withdraw from situations or people that sapped her energy. Daryl was obviously not like everyone else and she would have hazarded a guess at him also being introverted, which meant that they possibly had something in common. It was unheard of that she made a marked effort to talk to someone that appeared so outwardly hostile, but the end of the world had brought with it a new found attitude in Jess; Just try it. See what happens. It was a philosophy that had kept her alive so far.

“It’s cold tonight, huh? I mean, I have enough blankets and stuff but it still gets through. It’s like ever since the world went to shit the nights have gotten colder” She expressed.

He finished up his food and dropped the bowl on the ground between his bent knees.

“Ya always talk this much?” He asked.

She wasn’t expecting such a question and didn’t know if she should be offended or amused.

“Uh… yes? No? I’m not sure.”

And she wasn’t. Not anymore. Now everything had changed and apparently so had she. If someone had told her she’d be sat beside a violent redneck and attempting to make nice during the apocalypse, she’d have laughed in their face.

Remaining at his side for half an hour more, she’d refused to move partly out of defiance. She braided grass into patterns and watched Carl and Sophia play at the side of the group while Daryl smoked and sulked, about what, she wasn’t sure. But he hadn’t got up and left, nor did he ask her to leave and she took that a small success.

* * *

Since she was a child Jess always poured her deepest thoughts and feelings into a journal. Each entry left her feeling like she’d been cleansed and was ready for whatever the next day held. Sometimes, if she wasn’t in the mood to write huge paragraphs, she’d write, poetry, haiku’s or draw simple pictures in biro. Even with everything else destroyed and gone, Jess still made sure her journal was not neglected.

That night, in her tent. She opened up the thick, black leather-bound book and began writing.

_'Daryl intrigues me. He has a brother that made himself known to me way before Daryl did. In fact, Merle leered at me as I walked by and told me I had ‘more cushin’ for the pushin’.” He’s vulgar and rude. I’m pretty sure he’s a raging racist too from what I’ve seen. I’m not sure Daryl is like that although there is a possibility. He just seems quieter, more thoughtful somehow. He’s kind of cute. In a dangerous kind of way. He broke up a fight between Merle and T-dog today. I have no shame in admitting I was impressed by his courage, even if he did get punched in the eye. I took him some food and tried to talk to him but he now just thinks I talk too much. I don’t think I said too much to him though, he’s just super quiet. Or did I? Oh god. I don’t know._

_I’m not sure about everybody else. Rick seems like a nice guy; he’s checked in on me a few times. Shane too, although he’s a little… odd. I think there’s something going on between him and Rick’s wife. I keep catching them whispering to each other. But I shouldn’t make such assumptions. I could be very wrong. I like Carol, she’s the safest person to be around and I think I trust her, when she’s not with Ed. I don’t like him one, little bit. He’s a bad egg. I can tell. Rick’s kid, Carl is pretty cool. He sees a lot more than people give him credit for and he’s smart. He reminds me of me when I was his age._

_I’m making an effort to stay away from Sarah and Jodie. They don’t like me and I don’t like them. My fat offends them. Good. I hope it makes their empty heads explode. It seems that no matter what happens in the world, those types of girls are everywhere. Like a disease or a bad smell that won’t go away. When they’re around, I just feel like I’m back in high school and I wouldn’t go back to high school if I was paid._

_I could be in worse places. I could be dead. But I can’t shake this overwhelming urge to just be alone. I know it’s not safe and I know it’s not wise. I thought maybe if I talked to someone, tried to gain a friend, it’d help. So, I’m trying with Daryl. Out of everyone, I think he and I might be similar. What am I even talking about? The world ended and here I am, worrying about my social anxiety._

_I should sleep. I rarely sleep more than a couple hours at a time now. I can’t stand the nightmares anymore.'_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH for the lovely comments on the first chapter. I am so happy with the reception it's got and even more so that the person that requested it loves it.  
> Just to clarify: The group are at the Quarry camp for a lot longer than in the show.  
> Another update!

Shane tossed Daryl a pair of gloves and pointed to the back of the pickup, laden with logs and pieces of wood he’d gathered to make a shelter over the food preparation area. Daryl, more than Merle, tended to be a little more inclined to help around camp as opposed to only lending a hand if it benefited him directly. However, Daryl’s relationship with both Shane and Rick was strained at best. They were cops and both Dixons’ had always hated cops. But Daryl was smart and had already realized that if he was going to get by in this camp, or if he and Merle were going to get any closer to their end goal, he would have to play ball and make nice with the law enforcement.

Shane hopped up onto the truck and bent his legs, hooking his hands under a heavy log on the top of the pile. Sweat glittered on his forehead as he centered himself and lifted. The end of the log tilted towards Daryl and he took hold of it, bearing the weight and slowly easing it down towards him.

“Saw you sat with Jess up on the RV last night. You guys buddies now?” Shane asked through gritted teeth, the veins in his neck bulging as he continued to lift the wood.

“Just invited her damn self up there.” Daryl rasped. The log hit the ground with a thunk and Daryl rolled it to one side, coming back to the truck and sliding the smaller pieces of wood from the top. Shane climbed back down and began doing the same.

“Somethin’ about her. Always the quiet ones you gotta watch.” He pointed out.

Daryls back pricked with irritation. Typical cops, always finding something where there was nothing. His impression of Jess had been that she was a bookish nerd who was as socially awkward and outcast as him. His judgement of character hadn’t let him down in the past and when he looked at the groups newest addition, he saw nothing untoward or untrustworthy in the least.

“They teach ya that in the academy?” He quipped.

Shane huffed at him and paused his task, resting one gloved hand on the remaining pile of wood.

“Maybe I should be watching you too.” He suggested.

“Ya ain’t already? You a rookie or somethin’?” Daryl challenged.

Shane steppes closer to him, lowering his head and voice as he spoke to avoid anyone nearby overhearing.

“Why are you and your brother here? I know your kind. You two can survive just fine on your own. It doesn’t make sense.”

Daryls jaw tightened and his chest puffed as he fought to control the urge to punch Shane in the face. Who did he think he was? The world was over, there’s no more laws and cops had no authority, yet there this guy was, still trying to make his life difficult.

“Safety in numbers.” He managed to shrug noncommittally.

Shane’s gaze was locked on Daryls casual and nonchalant face as if trying to catch him out in a lie. But Daryl stood strong and gave nothing away.

“You better not be lying to me” warned Shane.

“What ya gonna do about it? You can’t prove nothin’.” Daryl sneered, his face twisting into a mocking smile.

“You do anything to put these people in danger and I’ll make you disappear.” Shame continued to scold, stepping closer and prodding Daryl in the chest with his gloved index finger.

“Looks like we all above the law now, huh?” Daryl smirked. “Ain’t so bright, are ya? Pissin’ off the person that provides the camp with food. You don’t back off, I’ll make sure ya starve.”

Shane looked down his nose at the angry Redneck in front of him before curling his lip and turning his attention back to the task in hand.

* * *

From the top of the RV. Dale laughed to himself and sighed, placing a hand on his head and securing his hat. Jess pressed her lips into a line and gave him an awkward look as he shook his head. From what she could tell Dale was in his 60’s with a weathered face and a white beard. He was logical and wise, full of opinions at the wrong moment, unafraid to offer ideas and seeing all of the commotion that presented its self among a group of individuals that didn’t really know one another, all living together in close proximity. Dale took up the majority of watch shifts, being the owner of the Winnebago meant he wanted to be the one sat on top most of the time.

Jess found that on the odd occasion she had climbed the ladder and settled next to him, he had shared his musings with her at best, but required little in the way of a response from her, which suited her just fine. Able to exist next to each other in peace, she realized she’d found the place where she felt most at ease. A high vantage point where she could see everything and everyone approach. No surprises and a sense of control were what she found most helpful from being so high above the rest of the group. Maybe Dale felt the same in some way, or even Daryl when he sat there of a night. She couldn’t be sure, but there was a possibility she’d find out, if she made the effort to do so.

“There’s a little too much testosterone going on around here. We need to be careful we don’t lose sight of why we’re all here and why we need each other.” Dale expressed to an intrigued Jess. Her face was still displaying a look of uneasy amusement at the exchange between Daryl and Shane.

“It doesn’t look like those two would get along anyway.” She pointed out.

“No, aside from the fact that Daryl and Merle have probably had a few brushes with the law in their time. He and Shane are both hot headed. No doubt they’ll clash again at some point and we’ll just stay up here, out of the way.” He nodded as if confirming his plan to himself and rubbing at his beard.

 _You got that right._ Jess thought.

* * *

Merle shoved Daryl forwards over the dry, cracked ground. The younger brother whirled around; his face stony with vexation as he pulled the shoulder of his vest back into place. It was a common occurrence when the two of them were hunting. Merle would become inpatient and annoyed with Daryls methodical and careful approach to tracking. He walked at a slower pace, took longer to think and was generally a better hunter because of it.

Daryl carried on through the woods, picking his way over fallen trees and branches across his path while remembering his confrontation with Shane earlier in the day.

“Shane’s onto us.” He told Merle who grumbled something inaudible from behind him and lit a cigarette. The click of his lighter rang through the trees and Daryl realized there and then that he wasn’t going to catch anything with Merles careless attitude that afternoon.

“I said, we gonna have to do this thing. We’re off like a herd of turtles right now.” Merle repeated after getting no response. 

Daryl stopped in his tracks and turned, dropping his crossbow to his side. Merle, exhaling a plume of smoke, raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“We really gotta do this?” Daryl asked.

“Whatcha talkin’ ‘bout?”

“Maybe we should just stay here. It’s safe enough.”

“You pussyin’ out, little brother?” Merle challenged.

Daryl sighed loudly and glanced at his surroundings in the woods. He’d always felt at home there, even as a child when he’d amble in and out of the trees, a place that was much preferred to his own home at the time. He couldn’t say the idea of staying and hunting every day sounded like a bad one. Going off with Merle again would mean more confrontations, more fights and trying to make Merle see past his own nose. Life had undoubtedly been easier since their arrival at the camp and he couldn’t find a reason why they should throw that away.

“Naw, just think it makes more sense to stay instead of makin’ a ton of enemies.” He offered.

Merle’s body language changed instantly, becoming defensive and confrontational. He squared his shoulders and stepped closer to Daryl, looking down at him.

“Right. ‘Cause you ain’t been doin’ that, have ya? I saw ya, flarin’ up Shane’s temper.”

Daryl instinctively switched to argumentative mode and opted not to let his big brother win this one. Nearly all of his decisions had been a detriment to both of them and he wasn’t about to let him get away with thinking he had it all under control, when the truth was far from that.

“At least I ain’t been brawlin’ with black guys in the middle of camp.” Daryl snapped.

“Ahh he’s slicker’n owl shit.” Merle chuckled to himself. “Was just a little right hook”

“You wanted to do this! This was your dumb idea!” Daryl began to yell with now little to no regard about the potential food he was scaring away or the Walkers he could attract. His hand flew up in exasperation and he pointed with intent to Merle’s head. “You said we had to keep a low profile, but you don’t even know what that means!” He stalked off, quietly seething before turning back to Merle who was taking a long, slow drag of his smoke. “We got what we need here. I’m stayin’ a while and I ain’t robbin’ these people.”

With that, he stomped away with a half hope of resuming tracking at some point.

“What about me?” Merle called out.

“Do what ya want!” Daryl raged without even looking back.

* * *

Finding herself more comfortable sat on watch over the sleeping camp, darkness wrapped around her like a comfort blanket and a soundless watchman by her side, Jess figured she was likely to be spending many more nights on her perch next to Daryl. She quickly gathered that he really didn’t sleep and if he did it wasn’t for long and rarely when everyone else was in their blissful slumbers. How a person functioned on so little rest was a mystery to Jess, but then again so were a lot of other things about the archer of the group.

Most of her time in his presence was spent desperately trying not to ask half a million questions, her curiosity only becoming stronger with each moment spent around him. Maybe it was the now clear difference between him and his brother, maybe it was their matching reluctance to get too involved with anyone or maybe it was something else, but Jess felt more relaxed and social with Daryl than anyone else in the group.

Her fingertips flitted over the cover of her journal, the subtly mottled surface bumping under her skin as she counted the stars above them. Leaned back on her chair, her hands finally rested over the leather object on her lap.

“How old are you?” she asked, internally scolding herself for not being able to hold back the question. From the corner of her eye, she saw him slowly turn his head to her.

“Why ya wanna know that?” He responded bluntly.

“Curious.” She shrugged. “I’m 26.”

“Good for you. 26 trips around the sun.” He snapped back.

Feeling a little put out by the baffled look on his face and his dismissal of her interest with a shake of his head, she began to nervously drum her fingers on her journal.

Daryl tried his best to ignore the noise but soon found himself unable to concentrate on anything else. Feeling a slight sting of embarrassment for coldly throwing her attempt at conversation back in her face, he tried to think up a less offensive thing to say.

Jess shifted in her spot and took a sip of water from a crumpled bottle she kept by her chair leg. She knew he was watching her when he thought she wouldn’t catch him.

“Older than you” she heard him mutter when he looked back out at the crowded camp.

She studied the side of his face as numbers raced through her mind and she tried to guess how much older Merle was than him. She also wondered what he was doing with his life before everything went bad. Sensing her looking at him, he side glanced over at her.

“You wanna see some I.D officer?” He questioned.

The tuneful melody of her giggle was surprising to him. He fought against it, hiding a smile until it occurred to him that she was laughing because she found him funny. It was a new and interesting experience, having anyone think him humorous, let alone a female.

Reaching down to pick up her bottle of water, she offered it out to him.

“You want some water?”

He waved it off, rarely accepting anything from anyone else. Sometimes it was guilt, sometimes it was selflessness and sometimes it was him being plan pig-headed.

Jess withdrew the bottle, putting it back in it’s place and started to tap her sneaker against the edge of the RV in a nervous drumming until Daryl looked over at her in irritation. She immediately stopped.

“Sorry.” She mumbled.

What followed next was one of the longest half an hours in Daryl’s life, Jess read her graphic novel while intermittently lifting her gaze to him. In attempt to ignore her, he found the motivation to unsheathe his knife and carve some bolts from the small pile of wood he’d brought up with him. 

Whispering and chuckling in the distance meant that both Daryl and Jess squinted into the distant dark in time to see Sarah and Jodie emerge on a late night walk around the camp. Jess was sure they only did it to taunt her and make her feel uneasy, or was she being arrogant enough to assume it was for her benefit when it wasn’t? They made everything questionable, drew in paranoia and riddled Jess with an anxiety she really could have done without.

The two girls were talking amongst themselves when they saw Daryl and Jess sat together on the Winnebago. When he sat back in his seat, Daryl noticed Jess’s body language change straight away, becoming still and wary. His eyes moved between her troubled expression and their disdainful glimpses back at her.

“The blonde one is fuckin’ my brother.” He mentioned.

As if he’d flicked a switch, she completely changed. Her eyes widened and a satisfied smile swept across her face.

“What was that?!” she exclaimed.

“Shh. Keep ya damn voice down” He scolded, unable to stifle a smirk

She cleared her throat and leaned towards him, encouraging him to elaborate.

“That is some serious gossip, Daryl.” She whispered.

“Yeah. Caught ‘em at it in the woods. Merle said it’s been goin on since we got here.” He explained.

She couldn’t help it, a laugh escaped her and she clamped a hand over her mouth. Being completely unaware just how humorous she would find the situation and in turn how funny he would find it once it had been said out loud; he hung his head and released a chuckle of his own.

“You got more than you bargained for when you were hunting that day.” She snorted as her body juddered with giggles.

“That shit can’t be unseen.” He confirmed with a nod.

“Well, thank you for that golden piece of information.” She offered.

“I know ya ain’t gonna sing.”

“What?”

“Ya ain’t gonna tell nobody.”

“Oh, right. No. Of course not.”

The atmosphere between them had vastly improved and Jess clicked on her torch and opened her journal. Sometimes, she thought of her mind like a sponge, absorbent of information but it was like it sometimes got overloaded and would become weighed down. Memories were important to her and her journal had become a roadmap of all the important events in her life, people she’d met along the way and of the small things that she knew not to take for granted. Small things like sitting on a roof and laughing together with Daryl. 

_‘I’m sat with Daryl right now, he’s just given me the best piece of gossip and I even got a smile and a laugh out of…’_

The ink from the pen faded before running out completely and she frantically scribbled on the page, furrowing her brow before throwing the pen in her bag and growling under her breath.

* * *

With the ability to write now taken away from her, the morning light saw Jess meandering along the outskirts of the camp alone. Her hands were shoved in her jeans and her shoulder length, black hair was braided at the back. A lot of the group had left early for a supply run, resulting in there being a tense feeling around the camp.

Taking herself away from it with her own thoughts had seemed like the best idea at the time and before long, she was so consumed by the sound of the leave fluttering in the trees that she had reached the makeshift border in the woods. Rope with tin cans hung from it to create as much noise as possible should anything collide with it or try to pass through. The path seemed clear and she couldn’t hear any evidence of threats.

 _Not too far._ She told herself.

It was a hot day and she wished she’d brought water with her before she embarked on her little trip. She shrugged to herself and swung a leg over the rope, taking extra care to hold onto the cans so as not to alert any of the others. When she was clear of the border, she continued to amble through the trees, dragging her sneakers on the ground and humming a tune to herself.

In a split second she plummeted to the floor, her hands hitting the mud and her shoulder stinging with pain. Her toes throbbed and she quickly scrambled to her feet to discover that she’d tripped over a Walker. It was immobile and sported a small, bloody hole on it’s forehead. She swallowed hard. It was the first time she’d seen one so close without being chased. The dead man on the ground looked to have been turned quite some time ago due to it’s sallow and gaunt face, the normal color of it’s skin now gone forever and replaced by a grey hue.

She listened to the others in the group more than she spoke to them, which meant she was a gatherer of information. She had once heard Rick telling Glenn to make sure he checked the pockets of as many Walkers as he could after putting them down. The likelihood of them carrying useful items too good to pass up in such desperate times. Standing over the monstrous sight of what once was someone’s brother or husband, she concluded it wasn’t such a bad idea.

She crouched beside the body, having to shield her nose from the unbelievable smell with the back of her wrist. Her free hand hovered over the clothing and she move with trepidation, having to tell herself it wasn’t going to come alive and bite her.

Something barreling out of the bushes in front of her sent panic spiking through her veins and she jumped back, her ass colliding with the dirt.

Daryl, coated in sweat and with brown smears all over his exposed arms, swung his crossbow at his side and rolled his eyes at Jess sat on the floor of the woods and trying to catch her breath.

“Jesus.” She panted “you scared the shit out of me.”

“The hell you doin this far out? You got a death wish or somethin’?! Here” he offered her his hand and for a brief moment she toyed with the idea of completely refusing, afraid to embarrass herself when he felt the weight of her. Instead, she trusted him and took hold of his hand. The first thing she noticed when he effortlessly helped her get back on her feet, was his strength and how tight his grip was. With minimal effort from herself, she was soon brushing her clothes down and giving him an awkward look.

“I was just walking; thought it’d be okay if I didn’t go that far. Was going to search his pockets but…” She stopped talking, not wanting to disclose the fact that she was actually quite petrified of the dead man at their feet.

“But what?” he asked.

She blinked at him.

_He knows I’m terrified anyway. Who am I trying to kid, here?_

“…I kept thinking it was just going to shoot up and bite me.” She admitted.

He huffed and kicked at the Walker with his boot, stirring up the smell and making it even more putrid. Jess hoped that one day she would get used to it, if she survived that long.

“Naw. S’dead. I shot it earlier.” He told her.

She nodded and backed up away from the odor, unable to take anymore of it’s sting in his nostrils.

“You all the way out here with no weapon?” He wanted to know.

She passed the weapons table on her way out of the camp but arming herself hadn’t crossed her mind. She was simply embarking on an early morning walk and at the time had no plans to leave the compound. That was until curiosity got the better of her.

“Yes. I am.” She sighed.

Daryl gave her a lingering look of disapproval before bending down and rummaging in the dead man’s pockets, pulling out a silver hip flask that still had some weight in it.

“Bingo.” He unscrewed the cap and sniffed it, screwing his face up in disgust “God damn. That’s strong shit.” He threw it to her, catching her off guard but she still caught it, albeit at a strange angle in the crook of her elbow and with a twisted expression on her face. She held it out to him.

“Finders keepers.” She smiled.

“Naw.” He declined, waving her off. “Can’t let Merle see that shit.”

“Why?”

“He’s a mean drunk. You keep it.”

She turned the hip flask over in her hands, examining the initials engraved on the front before shoving it in the back pocket of her jeans.

Daryl swung his crossbow over his shoulder and started towards her, twigs crackled under his boots and she followed him with her eyes as she walked past.

“C’mon, I’ll walk ya back to camp.” He muttered.

“I’m fine” She quickly stated, noting him stop and huff. “I can go by myself. Really. I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

“Ya think ya got a choice? I’m walkin’ ya back. Can’t have ya out here without a weapon. Now, c’mon.”

It was a point she couldn’t argue with; she was out in the open, past the safety of camp with nothing but a hip flask to defend herself with. Admittedly, her morning plan was probably one of the dumbest she’d had in a while. She raced off after Daryl, noticing he’d slowed down to let her catch up.

* * *

After a day of unexpectedly being dragged into digging over a patch of ground with the intention to plant crops, Jess wished they had the use of a mechanical digger instead of shovels and bucket loads of sweat. Nevertheless, she had mucked in and done her part, which is more than she could say for the likes of Sarah and Jodie, who sat filing their nails and screeching with laughter for the majority of the day.

When evening rolled in the supply run team hadn’t returned, the mood around the campfire was somber and Jess wanted to be there even less than usual. She sat in the entrance of her tent, with her legs sprawled out in front of her and her book on her lap. Reading by the light of her torch, she looked up when she heard footsteps passing by some distance away. Daryl was heading to the RV after a full day of hunting and playing chaperone to an inquisitive yet thoughtless Jess. She flashed him a wide smile and he nudged his head up in acknowledgement to her before climbing the ladder to the RV and switching watch shifts with Dale.

She got to her feet and followed him, ignoring his mildly irritated look when she reached the top of the ladder. Taking up her usual seat, she fished around in her pocket and pulled out a candy bar. Snapping it in half in the packet, she opened the foil and offered it to him. 

“Naw.” He refused after taking a small peek at it and resuming his watch over the two people that sat beside the fire.

“Take it. I bet it’s been a while since you’ve had candy. Think of it as a thank you for walking me back to camp.”

He dropped his gaze, leaning forwards and bracing his elbows on his knees. Jess was convinced she wasn’t going to get an answer until he turned his head and stared at her.

“What are you doin?” He rasped.

“Sharing my candy with you. I have it on good authority that this is the last one around here.” She chirped, shoving away the suspicious nature of his question.

His eyes moved from her rounded and bright face to the candy bar in her grasp. He wanted to take it. She was right, the taste of confectionary was something he’d not indulged in for as far back as he could now remember. He took his half of the candy and messily chomps down on it while Jess happily chewed her own half.

“How did you end up here? At this camp?” She enquired with a new sense of confidence that seemed to come from nowhere.

_I will never know unless I ask._

Daryls back prickled and he blinked down at his boots. Jess waited in ignorant bliss while he tried to figure out a way to avoid the question. Coming up with nothing, he resigned himself to the fact that he would have to provide her with answer.

“Was just makin’ our way through the woods” He grumbled, tossing the candy wrapper over his shoulder.

“And you just decided to stay?” She continued.

It was so far removed from the real reason they’d ended up at the camp, but Daryl wasn’t about to confess that they had designs on robbing as much as they could and setting off into the night. It was all about waiting for the right moment, biding their time and making sure there were minimal people around at the time to stop them. It meant Rick and Shane were both absent, which wasn’t a regular occurrence. When one was out, the other usually stayed behind to keep an eye on the camp. But it wasn’t impossible and patience was a virtue in such a situation. Daryl and Merle has always been together, two outcasts that had managed to survive on their own before the world went awry and as a result, they still believed that any more than two was a crowd. But Daryl had his reservations and was beginning to wonder why they would ever make the decision to move away from what was a rare situation of stability that had given them the chance to take a breather and utilize the fact that the sheer number of people around them would help to keep them safer

“Safety in numbers.” Daryl eventually replied.

“You seem like you can handle yourself, even if you were on your own.” She expressed.

It was a compliment he hadn’t been expecting and one that made his pride swell, as much as he tried to ignore it.

“Maybe.” He grunted.

“At least you wouldn’t starve.” She pointed out with a smile as she hinted at his much-admired hunting skills. “Take it you’re from Georgia?”

He studied her face and she knew he was trying to figure her out. She was apparently as much of a mystery to him as he was to her. She couldn’t tell if he was about to snap at her, answer her question or ignore her entirely. So, she waited patiently for the few seconds it took for him to reply.

“You ask a lot of questions for a shy girl.” He commented.

_OK, I wasn’t expecting that._

“I’m not shy per se. I’m introverted. There’s a difference.” She explained.

“Whatever.” He grumbled, picking at a hole in his jeans. She quietened and tried to force away the urge to ask what she wanted to know again. Obviously irritated by her curious nature, she didn’t want to push him so much that he asked her to leave or lost his temper. She waited in silence, spotting him take a peek at her for a moment. “Didn’t live far from here. In the mountains.” He eventually admitted.

“So that’s why you’re such a good hunter.” She smiled. His face softened slightly as he looked at her, finding her need for information both baffling and fascinating. He had never seen her probe anyone else like this before and was well aware that it was only him that she seemed to want to chat with. Which was strange, considering Daryl didn’t see himself as a conversationalist at all. 

* * *

Despite her tendency to keep herself to herself, bury her head in her journal and books and stay away from any drama, Jess was always polite around everyone and spoke when she was spoken to. However, she was still somewhat withdrawn. What she wasn’t expecting from talking to Daryl, was how they seemed to have struck an unsaid balance. He was curt in his replies and obviously not well versed in the art of politeness whenever she engaged him in conversation, but Jess was strangely comfortable in his presence and after almost ten days, Daryl was sure he was the only one who could see the appealingly funny and smart side to her. Unsettled only by her rambling episodes, during which he worried that she’d somehow run out of oxygen before her brain ran out of words to say, he noticed she had eventually ventured out of her shell with him and shocked him with her propensity for banter and light, playful mockery. Each afternoon became a routine, she would bring the food and he would offer his usual stunted answers to all of her questions as they used the tree line or the top of the RV as a solace away from the energy draining dynamics of the rest of the group. On the odd occasion, Daryl found that sometimes she wouldn’t speak at all, simply being content to eat in silence, read or scribble in her journal, trying to get her pen to work next to him for upwards of an hour before she would retire to her tent.

Her every move was still ridiculed by Sarah and Jodie, neither one of them seemingly less heartless and selfish than the other. It was something Jess could never understand, the need to make another person feel terrible just to feed one’s own ego. She sensed part of their hatred for her came from a fear of the unknown or something they didn’t understand about her.

* * *

Daryl busied himself checking his crossbow before heading out into the woods for the day on what had become his day job; keeping everyone fed. Sat by the extinguished campfire, he listened to the others quietly milling around and discussing the tasks that needed completing for the day. Everything from laundry, cooking, building more shelter and reinforcing the borders in the woods. The supply run group had finally returned in the small hours and were catching some rest, which meant that Daryl had some peace and quiet before he left.

He didn’t even look up when Jess sat next to him and passed him a bowl of berries.

“Eat. If you pass out in the woods and turn into a Walker we’ll all have to rely on Merle for food and that’ll be bad. Very bad.” She shoved the bowl closer to him, giving him little choice to refuse.

“Hm. He don’t bring back as much.”

“It’s not that. More that none of us want to rely on Merle for anything.” She remarked. “He would just love that.”

He looked sideways at her and mirrored her smirk, thinking her statement to be both true and understandable. He took the bowl from her hand and threw handfuls of berries into his mouth, chewing noisily and following Shane with his eyes as he passed, glaring down at him sat next to Jess. He slowed his chewing until Shane was out of sight, and Jess opted not to mention the volatility between them . She noted his leather vest with angel wings sewn onto the back that were now greying and boasting more dirt than the woodland ground. 

“If you let me wash that vest, maybe the deer won’t smell you a mile away.” Jess joked in an attempt to keep the mood light hearted.

“No one touches the vest.” He grumbled as he wiped his mouth with the back of his wrist.

“Right. The magic vest. Holds your powers. It’s where you keep all your energy for your angry glaring.” Her nonchalant tone made her mockery of him all the more effective and he finished up the last berries in the bowl and handed it back to her.

“Aint ya got some superhero shirts to wash?” He asked.

Jess laughed quietly to herself at his ability to seem both entirely disinterested in her, yet still able to dish out ridicule as well as taking it.

“Make fun all you want. My shirts are vintage. Some are collectibles.” She wagged a finger at him which only earned her a confused expression from before he placed a boot in the stirrup of his crossbow, slid a bolt into the flight groove and pulled the drawstring back, readying the weapon for hunting. Jess averted her eyes.

_Too many muscles. Too many shiny muscles._

“Aint much good in the apocalypse.” He pointed out.

Struggling not to become overwhelmed with bashfulness and desperately trying to ignore the butterflies he seemed to provoke in her stomach, she got to her feet.

“They’ll be good enough quality to strangle you with when I can’t stand the smell from that vest any longer.” She shot back with a wide grin.

Daryl squinted up at her stood with her back to the sun. Chewing on his bottom lip, he partially closed one eye and managed to catch her peering down at him.

“Thanks for the food.” He said, possibly in the most sincere way she had ever heard him say anything before.

“Sure thing, stinky.”

She turned and started back to the food preparation area, keeping his focus until she disappeared from view and he hauled himself up from his seat and set off into the woods. 

* * *

After a morning helping Carol out with the laundry and avoiding Sarah And Jodie like the plague, Jess found herself resting in the sun on a rock and using her backpack full of books and comics as a pillow. She closed her eyes and listened to the pleasant and relaxing lapping of the small waves on the shore of the quarry. She didn’t like to dwell to much on what once was, finding it all too depressing when her heart longed to see her family again. Her pushy, demanding family that drove her crazy but who she still loved without question.

She also avoided re-living too many memories of her friends. Nights spent gaming and eating four different types of pizza with four of her close friends. Meet ups in the local Diner. Months of meticulous designing and creating of cosplays for comic cons. All gone. All of them. She was the only one left.

She was grateful for the saving grace of getting changed out of her renaissance dress before she left the fair. Running through the woods for her life wearing such a huge dress would have no doubt got her caught up in a bush somewhere and snacked on by a fellow renaissance fair fan. Either that, or weighed down by all the fabric and having to strip, mid run. She shivered at the thought. Somehow, turning up at the camp partially dressed was a much more chilling prospect than being eaten by another human being.

Someone sat next to her and stirred her from her almost slumber. She opened one eye to find Carl perched on the rock beside her. She sat up and drew her legs in, crossing them and getting comfortable again.

“Hey Carl.” She yawned.

“Hey” He mumbled sadly.

Jess had got to know both Sophia and Carl quite well since being at the camp. All in all, she found them a lot less taxing to talk to than the adults. Things were simpler with the innocence of youth and she enjoyed taking part in conversations about TV shows they liked and playing ball games with them down at the quarry in the late evenings before she would eat, return to her tent to read and then join Daryl on top of the RV.

“Something wrong?” She enquired.

Carl scratched at the side of his face under his father’s huge sheriffs’ hat that had quickly changed ownership and become his.

“I heard mom and dad talking.” As he spoke, he drew patterns on the rock between them with a pebble he’d picked up from the ground. White shapes of spirals and stars. Jess watched his absent-minded artwork come to life on the surface. “They say more of those things are turning up at the fences.”

“Yeah, I think there are. You’re safe though. Your mom and dad won’t let anything bad happen to you.” She assured him.

He slowly looked up at her face, his freckled nose and clear skin glowing in the sun.

“Do you get scared?” he whispered.

Jess’s heart ached. She could only hope that there were other pockets of survivors around the world that housed and protected children from the horrors of what lay outside their groups. But the reality of it was that a lot of very young lives had been lost and those that were left were now even more precious than ever.

“Yeah. I get scared. But I think we’re going to be OK. We’re fighting them. Like Superheroes.” She told him. “There is a superhero in all of us, we just need the courage to put on the cape. Do you know who said that?”

Carl grinned at her, a wide, genuine smile that filled her with a sense of achievement.

“Superman.” He replied.

“That’s right. Superman. He wouldn’t back down from this. So, neither are we. Right?”

“Right” Carl nodded. “What Superhero do you think would be able to make all this go away?”

Jess took a deep breath. It was a good question and a very debatable one. The kind of question she’d spend hours discussing on the floor of a comic con over some corn dogs and a slurpee. The kid was speaking to her soul with this one.

“Hmm…” She hummed, catching sight of Rick at the top of the quarry, his hand at his forehead and shielding his eyes from the sun. Once he saw Carl sat with her, he turned and wandered back to the camp. “How about Vision? His powers practically make him immortal and he can heal himself. He could rid us of a lot of Walkers and Ultron created him, he’s an android instead of human so he can’t be turned.”

Carl thought for a moment, resuming his drawing on the rock between them. The scraping noise was a lot less irritating than jess would have thought. In fact, it was soothing and a nice distraction.

“True. He’s pretty awesome. Maybe a Hulk would be handy.” Carl mused.

“Noooo. Too noisy. Huge bull in a very fragile china shop. Plus, he’s big and green part of the time but he’s still human.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

She lifted her vision again to the sky and clouds above them, she didn’t know how much she had needed this pointless and casual conversation with a kid that just wanted to be told by someone other than his parents that everything would be OK.

“Dr Strange.” She eventually said. “He could just go back in time and stop whatever caused this.”

Carl nodded and paused his drawing, throwing the pebble between both of his hands as he contemplated her suggestion.

“Yeah, that’s a good one. Dr Strange could solve this.”

“He sure could. But until he shows up, we’re on our own and I think we’re going to be OK” She beamed at him. She didn’t believe it herself but felt she was convincing enough to him and that was all that mattered. She took the pebble from Carls hand, shuffled over to create some space and began to draw her own image on the rock. A circle with four curved lines inside it. The Symbol of Dr Strange.

* * *

_I think maybe we all need a little something to hold onto sometimes. When we're scared or uncertain of the future or if we'll even survive long enough to see the world rot or flourish again. I sat with Carl today and did my best to reassure and distract him from his own fear. What I didn't realise is how strong my own is. I'm terrified. I don't want to die. But I'm not sure if I'm right for this world the way it is now. Daryl, he seems to just get on with things, like nothing is all that different to before for him. But for me...I'm sure I should be dead ten times over. I still have this strong sense to just figure all this out on my own. Maybe Jodie and Sarah are right in the things I hear them say about me. Maybe I'm just a drain on the resources here. An extra, bigger mouth to feed. Not that they're any better. I should get some sleep, my head gets too noisy when I'm tired and I can't see Daryl on the RV tonight. Looks like I'll have to drown out my own thoughts this time. I wish I had a damn pen so I could write all of this down instead of just laying here, thinking it._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Another update! Hope you all like!

On her way down to the water, Jess blinked the sun from her eyes and slapped her baseball cap on. They still had many more weeks left of the relentless sun and heat, the only let up being the late afternoons and early evenings when there was a little respite from the heat. Only then, when night crept in did the temperature change drastically, becoming colder but not enough for Jess to wear a jacket or sweater. She never really seemed to feel the cold all that much, she put it down to having lived in so many different places with such differing weather. Sarah had quite loudly blamed the fact that she had more layers of fat than most. Jess grit her teeth and shoved the comment away, hoping that not too many people from the group had heard her.

Her sneakers flapped against the dusty surface of the slope as she neared the bottom. Carol was in the corner by the shore, Ed watching her closely as she washed his shirt. Sophia sat on a rock nearby playing with her doll. Her soft chatter like a delightful tune to Jess’s ears. On the opposite side, was Daryl, knee deep in the water and holding up a sopping wet shirt with a huge bloodstain right in the middle. She scuffed towards him and stopped by the waters edge.

“How you doing, smiler?” She chirped.

Daryl glanced over his shoulder at her. He was wearing a simple, off-white vest that was turning transparent from the water.

“Fine.” He called back.

She tilted her head to one side as she observed him trying to remove the stubborn stain from the garment. Her knowledge of history and attendance at many, authentic renaissance fairs had led to a vast knowledge of life without washer dryers and laundromats. She kicked off her sneakers, rolled her jeans up and waded into the water.

“Give it here, you’re making a pigs ear of that.” She chuckled.

“Been washin’ my stuff in rivers all my life, you can’t teach me shit, girl” he shot back, although he didn’t sound angry, more intrigued than anything else. She stopped beside him, the water lapping at her thighs. In the blistering heat, it was a welcome respite. Her body temperate cooled and she really wanted to just dive in and submerge herself in the tantalizing freshness of the water.

“You’re so stubborn. Just humor me, c’mon.” She said, reaching out for the shirt.

He reluctantly dragged it up from the water. Once again, she couldn’t help but notice his strong arms and dragged her lower lip under her front teeth. When her eyes lifted to his face, she was alarmed to find him staring right at her.

“Jess?” He asked with one eyebrow raised.

“Um. Sorry. I wasn’t looking- I mean...” She pointed a finger at him “…give me the damn shirt” and snatched it from his grasp. “Uh…” She shook the image from her head and waded a couple of steps to her left, meeting a large rock protruding from the water. “You need to use a rock. Like this.”

Swirling the shirt around in the water, she kept her eyes firmly on what she was doing, knowing that if she risked a peek, he would be able to see straight through her and her inability to ignore his two best features. Gathering the shirt up, she began massaging it into the smooth rock. He silently looked on from behind her, craning his neck to see what she was doing. Then, she took hold of one end of the shirt and beat it against the surface with a loud slap that echoed across the quarry each time. Daryl thought it looked like she was taking some serious anger out on his one and only shirt and hoped it would still be in one piece when she was done. When she stepped back, dipped it in the water and held it up, the stain had visibly diminished

“That was a lot of blood.” She remarked with a small pant. The last thing she wanted was for him to know how out of breath she was from battering a rock with a large piece of fabric.

“Yeah” He agreed. “Aint mine.”

“I know.” She said quickly, meaning he was now staring at her again. “That’s what I-I was looking for” She stammered, motioning to his arm. “Injuries.”

He nodded, feigning agreement. “Yeah, sure.”

“Damn right. That’s me. Always checking folks for injuries.” She babbled as she wrung the shirt out and attempted to slosh past him.

“No ya aint.” He argued with a small smile.

She sighed and turned to him “Alright. No, I don’t. But I really was with you. Honestly.”

“Right” He grinned. 

“Here.” She said, tossing the twisted ball of fabric at him “I’m going before I embarrass myself even more.”

“Sure” He grunted. “Oh, don’t forget to check Merle for injuries.”

She stopped and slowly looked over her shoulder, her lips pushed into a thin line before she released a bashful laugh and flapped her hands at her sides, tilting her head back and sighing at the sky.

“That’s for callin’ me stinky.” He confirmed while wading back to the shore and passing her.

“OK. We’re even. I’ll leave checking Merle over to twisted sister number 2” she mentioned, her hands coming up and dramatically shielding her mouth as she gasped and giggled loudly, the sound bouncing from the cliffs around the water. Daryl let himself go and laughed along with her as they both paddled through the water and back to dry land.

_Gives as good as she gets, this girl._

Carol looked up when she heard Daryl and Jess laughing with one another as she walked out of the water, her lips curled into a smile when she saw Daryl beaming from ear to ear, a sight she had never seen since she’d met him for the first time. She’d assumed he never displayed such an expression, but it was now clear that he just didn’t have anything to smile about before.

“I say you could stop?” Ed snapped from behind her. “I need that damn shirt.”

She resumed her task without argument, the happy scene she’d witnessed making it all a little easier.

* * *

That night, Jess was taken off guard when she passed the RV. She held an empty, metal bowl after eating alone in her tent and was distracted by a whistle from the top of the vehicle. She looked up to see Daryl reclined in his seat, in his usual spot but a lot earlier than usual. He nudged his head up, beckoning for her to join him. It had been weeks since they’d first met and she felt a sense of pride when she thought of how far they’d come and how they'd managed to at least partially break down each others barriers. She wasn’t yet sure about saying they were friends, but she was certain they enjoyed each other’s company.

Returning her plastic cutlery and her camping bowl to the bucket in the food prep area, she passed Sarah and Jodie who were immersed in hushed whispers as usual. Also, around the campfire, was Glenn, Andrea, her sister Amy, Merle, Dale and T-dog. She offered them all a polite smile, receiving the same back. Carol and Rick retreated into their tents with their families and Shane was out checking the fences. Having never really seen Daryl and Jess on their regular perch, everyone exchanged glances when she climbed the ladder to the RV, their nightly routine now revealed to the group.

Appearing beside him, she sat down and caught his eye. Saying nothing, they sat side by side for a while until the chatter resumed below and both of them were certain the topic of conversation was not directed at them. Jess slumped down in her seat, rested her head on the backrest and closed her eyes while Daryl lit a cigarette. After a while, Jess found she’d drifted off into a light sleep and woke only when she heard Sarah wish Daryl a good night in her typical, flirtatious high school cheerleader voice. Daryl ignored her.

Jess sat up and rubbed at her face, clearing her throat and raising her eyebrows at the distance Daryl was able to flick his cigarette end out into the distance.

“What were you doing when the word ended?” She wanted to know. The sound of her voice seemed to slice through the atmosphere like a knife and she smarted at the sound. “Wow, never thought I’d say that sentence.” She added more quietly.

He flicked his lighter on and off over and over again as he struggled to decide if he should tell her the truth or not. Concluding that he had previously snapped at her and offended her and she was still sat with him, he guessed she would be able to handle it.

“Was workin’ my way through four lines of coke when I looked up and saw the TV had that national guard alert thing on it.” He disclosed.

“Yeah, we saw that on our phones. My friend and I. We were at a renaissance fair.” She said casually.

He briefly wondered why she didn’t seem bothered that he confessed so openly to being a cocaine user when it occurred to him that she simply took people as they were, flaws or not.

“A what?” He questioned. 

“A Renaissance fair. It’s a recreation of a historical setting with costumes and role play and stuff, for a whole weekend.”

His expression was one of pure bafflement as he stared at her. 

“So, you like… get all dressed up and run around in a field pretending to’ to fight or some shit?”

“Well, that’s the battle reenactment part. But it happens, Yeah.” She affirmed.

His brow furrowed. “You’re kinda weird, y’know that?”

“I think that’s what you like about me.” She grinned as she leaned towards him and nudged his elbow with hers. It was the first time she’d actually physically touched him aside from letting him help her up from the ground in the woods. He didn’t react which she could only take as a good sign.

“I don’t like nobody.” He scoffed. 

Jess huffed and rolled her eyes, a bright smile on her face that he could see clearly enough due to light from a lantern between them.

“Yes, you do. Just accept that you’re as weird as me and that’s why we get along.” She grinned.

Part of him hated that she was able to draw smiles out of him like no one else he had ever known, but the other part of him liked the fact that when he was with her, things seemed that little bit easier.

“Whatever.” He dismissed.

She laughed to herself and got up, reaching her arms high above her head and stretching her muscles. 

“Where ya goin?” He questioned. 

“Back to my tent.” She yawned. “Tired”

“Ya ain’t got no more weird hobbies to tell me about?” He continued.

Jess was mildly shocked by the question, he wanted her to tell him about her hobbies? He wanted to talk to her at all? It no longer felt like she was forcing him to converse with her, he’d taken the lead this time and she was more than happy to let him have it. 

“Wasn’t aware you were that interested.” She admitted.

“I ain’t. Just nothin better to do.” He shrugged.

Jess plonked herself back in the rickety chair again and shifted her body to face him, throwing one leg over the other.

“OK, so if my hobbies are weird, what are yours?” She challenged.

At the prospect of being asked more about himself and his life, his desire to talk lessened considerably in seconds.

“Ain’t talkin’ ‘bout me” He mumbled.

“I am.” She glared at him with a bold and entertained look. 

Accepting that he wasn’t going to get out of answering her probing and he was partly to blame for encouraging her to stay, he nibbled his bottom lip and answered her question.

“Fine. Huntin’, drinkin’, gettin’ high”

"And spittin' chaw in a bucket?" She joked. 

"Asshole" He grumbled as she covered her mouth with her hand and stifled a giggle.

Birds flew overhead, a now rare sight that meant there were still some species out there somewhere, flourishing away from all the decay. Jess swayed back and forth in her seat with her arms wrapped around herself. 

“Maybe you can teach me how to hunt, drink and get high one day.” She suggested breezily.

“Nah, I ain’t wastin’ time with no lightweight.” He declined.

“Just makes me a cheap date.” She realized instantly that she’d just come out with something unintentionally flirtatious and panicked. “I mean, yeah…uh… probably a lightweight.” She laughed awkwardly as she played with the hem of her T-shirt.

“Ya ever been huntin’?” He wanted to know, ignoring her outward discomfort and wondering what it was that made her so fidgety sometimes.

“No. I’d like to.” She said.

He nodded, leaning forward and picking up a leaf from the roof of the RV. He fiddled with it, folded it in half and then in half again.

“Too dangerous to be out there without knowin’ whatcha doin’.” He expressed.

“Yeah. Guess you’re right. And I wouldn’t.” She agreed.

Believing she’d murdered the conversation with her careless chit chat, she stopped talking and resigned herself to sitting quietly and tapping her sneaker on the edge of the roof again. More time passed and Jess couldn’t think of a way to get up and leave without seeming embarrassed or strange. She knew she was overthinking everything but being in the presence of someone she was actually starting to find highly attractive was unsettling and she wasn’t used to it.

“So, what’s the difference?” She heard him utter out of nowhere.

“What?”

“Said ya ain’t shy, ya introverted. What’s the difference?”

Two enquires into her personality and interests in one night meant that she may have been all over the place and afraid to do something wrong, but the night had still been a small triumph in itself.

“Shy means you’re anxious about talking to people. Nervous and timid. Introverts aren’t always like that; we just need to re-charge sometimes. We’re confident with people we’re comfortable around. I’ll talk to people but I usually find most folks just drain me. I guess I’m just quiet by nature, but I’m not shy.” She explained.

“Hm.” He grunted. “Some kind of head shrinker tell you that?”

“No. It’s kind of common knowledge. Or at least I thought it was.” She disclosed “I think maybe your introverted too, it’s something we have in common.”

“Nah. I just think most folks are assholes.” He countered quickly

Jess giggled at his stubborn streak and for the second time Daryl realized that he liked the fact that she thought him funny. His mouth quirked up into a half smile.

“I’ll leave you alone to recharge your introvert batteries.” She winked at him. “Goodnight.”

She didn’t hear him protest or call her back as she descended the ladder so when her feet hit the ground, she made straight for her tent, longing for her sleeping bag and wishing she had a pen so she could record the events of her time spent sat with someone she really would have liked to have called her friend.

“Hey.” A voice called out. She turned back and saw him smoking yet another cigarette and leaning forwards in his seat. “Ya wanna learn how to track animals?” A thin line of smoke rose from where he sat, high up into the air before it vanished.

A rush of excitement thundered through her and she wrestled with the urge not to grin too widely.

“Yeah, that sounds good.” She squeaked, her voice emerging in higher pitch than she’d expected.

“Sunrise. Meet me at the tree line over there” he lifted his arm, pointing across the camp. “Make sure ya have somethin to eat first. Ya pass out on me i’ma leave ya ass out there.”

Jess knew it was a playful dig at her making him eat a bowl of berries before going hunting and liked the fact that he’d remembered and used it on her. Turning the tables and proving that their jibing at one another was enjoyed as much by him as it was by her.

“OK. I will.” She beamed. “See you at sunrise”

“One more thing” He rasped, standing up and driving a hand into his jeans pocket. Her eyes grew larger when she saw the plastic box clasped in his fingers as he tugged them out of his pocket. He threw it down to her, the box clattering in the dust at her feet. She looked down at it and wanted nothing more than to run back to the ladder and hug him. Five precious, black, ballpoint pens.

“Yours stopped workin’, right?” He checked.

“Yeah.” She responded as she gingerly bent down to pick them up.

“Saw ‘em when I was out on a run with Rick the other day.”

_He thought of me when he was out on a run?_

She opened her mouth to speak, but what was a simple gesture from Daryl was a huge deal to Jess. He had just given her back the ability to express her emotions and keep her sanity in check. Now, she would need no more dangerous walks in the woods alone and she could write until she fell asleep.

“This is um…you don’t know how grateful I am for this. Thank you, Daryl.” She said, swallowing hard and looking right at him.

“No problem.” He grunted, raising a hand at her in a small wave “Night.”

Before she succumbed to sleep, Jess sat cross legged on her sleeping bag with her torch in her mouth, shining down on the page and began to write.

_It’s funny, I never thought someone throwing a box of pens at me would mean so much. Daryl knew I couldn’t write because my one and only pen stopped working, so he brought me back a box from a supply run. I must have looked at him like he had grown an extra head. I just couldn’t believe he thought of me while he was out there. I can write again, my mind feels clearer already and I’m happier. All because he got me some stupid pens._

_OK, maybe it isn’t just the pens. He seems to be coming around to the idea of us being friends. Tonight, he didn’t actually say it but he wanted me to go sit with him on the RV and then tried to act as though he wasn’t interested in me at all while asking me questions about myself. He’s actually got a sense of humor and a personality that he’s slowly but surely letting me see and it’s awesome. He’s pretty awesome._

_But he caught me looking at him today. It was mortifying and I’m so angry at myself. Yeah, the guy is hot. But I thought I was stronger than to get caught practically drooling at him. He knew too. He knew exactly what was going on and I feel like my life is officially over._

_Hopefully, I’ll get eaten by a walker or he’ll get a bout of amnesia._

* * *

Her T-shirt was sticking to her back with sweat. She really wanted to know how Daryl did this every day in such heat and sometimes even with his leather vest on. She was sure she’d pass out and had consumed most of the water she brought with her before they’d even been out for an hour. Daryl crept along in front of her, examining the ground and snapped branches of foliage In the woods. Try as she might, she kept falling behind and her legs felt like they were made of cement.

_I really should have used that gym membership._

“C’mon, keep up. Stay close to me.” Daryl instructed from in front of her. She could see that the back of his shirt was also dampened with sweat, but unlike her, he showed little to no signs of fatigue.

“It’s so damn hot out here” she complained “am I in hell?!”

“Purgatory at best.” He mumbled

She dragged the back of her hand through the perspiration on her top lip.

_Great. A sweat moustache. Sexy._

“Looooord. I’m _MEEELTING_!” She cried.

“Shh!” He whirled around, bundling her against a tree with his fingers wrapped around the top of one of her arms. The movement was so quick and unexpected and her flesh stung but she didn’t flinch, his temper too short for her to react. She couldn’t deny that fear tickled her veins and she was rooted to the spot. “You stupid or somethin?! Ain’t just animals out here. Place is full of Walkers and ya gonna get us both bit if ya don’t keep ya god damn voice down.” He hissed at her through gritted teeth.

“OK. I’m sorry.” She whispered. “You’re hurting me”

In a split second, he was full of guilt for losing his temper at her as he examined her alarmed expression. He looked down at his hand clamped tightly around her arm. He quickly let go as if her skin was made from lava, seeing the red mark he’d left behind. An angry handprint. He shrank back and she noticed his eyes kept dropping and coming back to the burning patch around her bicep.

“I-I didn’t mean to-“ he mumbled.

“-It’s OK.” She interrupted “really, it’s OK.”

He dragged a hand over his face, his crossbow rattling against his legs as he held it loosely in his grasp with his other hand.

“Come on, let’s keep going.” She suggested, stepping away from the tree and motioning with her hand for him to pass her.

“Wait” he grunted. She stopped and stood still, witnessing what she could only describe as pure, genuine regret in the angry, aggressive redneck.

“I wouldn’t hurt ya. Not on purpose.” He told her

“Daryl, I know” Jess tried

“Naw, Naw” He dismissed, waving a hand at her. “I saw it. in your eyes. Ya scared of me.”

Jess exhaled slowly and tried to ground herself. This was a conversation she had definitely not anticipated and one with which she knew she needed to exercise extreme caution with.

“You just surprised me. I’m not scared of you. I wouldn’t spend half as much time with you if I was. I understand why you got mad at me, I’m kind of annoying and I don’t know how to handle this new world like you do.”

He paced about in the small space between the trees in front of her. Back to front, side to side, be fore he finally stopped and began to bite his thumbnail.

“Sorry.” He muttered from behind his hand.

Jess smiled at him. In that moment, she knew that Daryl was not good at apologies and had very likely, hardly ever, genuinely apologized for anything in his life.

“I told you. It’s OK”

He nodded once, raised his crossbow again and charged past her.

“Ya gotta keep up so I can keep an eye on ya.” He grumbled

She took a quick swig of water from the bottle that was fastened to a plastic strap on her belt and carried on after him, wishing that it was raining, or snowing, or that she was stood in the water of the quarry washing clothes. But the view made up for it and she couldn’t lie to herself, watching Daryl stalk about between the trees, concentration etched on his face, his crossbow at the ready and his strong physique shining in the light of the sun as he moved was almost enough to make her forget what she was doing there altogether. But while she thought Daryl nice to look at, she remained platonically interested in him and what he had to teach her there and then, knowing that someday, she might need to use the information presented to her.

“See this right here.” He stopped and pointed with his boot to a nibbled patch of grass “deer.”

Jess finally caught up, standing next to him and regarding the slightly disturbed area on the ground.

“How do you know that?!” She asked with surprise.

“They’re messy eaters. They press it against their top palette and yank it right outta the ground.”

Her face changed and she thought for a moment as her lips rose into a smile.

“Like a really cute lawn mower.” She commented.

He just looked at her as if she was crazy.

“What about Walkers? Can you track them?” She wanted to know as she peered down at the missing grass, noting the disturbed earth under it.

“Walkers and live humans are easiest to track. We leave footprints, stamped down grass, broken twigs and messed up foliage. That kinda shit.” He explained.

She began to back away with a glint in her eye that he didn’t like the look of.

“So if I ran off, you’d be able to track me?” She asked.

He followed her, walking with her as she stepped backwards. She was challenging him and he didn’t like it one bit. Not out there in the open. Not where she could get killed.

“I could, but runnin’ off would be a real dumb thing to do.” He warned.

“Look at me, it’s not like I’m going to get far.” She gestured to her torso with her hands.

“Stop.” He ordered firmly

“Maybe I should try, could use the exercise” she shrugged lightheartedly, aware she was once again prodding at his temper but caring very little. Angry Daryl wasn’t all that bad to look at either.

He was glaring at her, his blue eyes intense. For such a mysterious, introverted and antisocial person, she couldn’t figure out why it was that he seemed to manage and maintain eye contact with her on a number of occasions. Not that she was complaining.

“Ya stay with me, so I can keep ya safe.” He affirmed.

His switch in tone from relaxed to stern and protective stirred something in Jess. She liked the way his eyes locked with hers as he talked about keeping her safe. She hadn’t expected this level of care from him and could only hazard a guess that it was because he actually did like her enough to want her around. She nodded and gestured with her hand for him to continue leading the way.

“How did you learn this?” She queried.

“My ol’ man used to take me out into the woods. Blindfold me and bail. Had to track him.”

“Well, it worked.”

“Yeah. He’d tan my hide every time I got it wrong.”

Jess smiled at the ground as she walked but it soon dawned on her that he could be serious and that there was the possibility that Daryl didn’t have the best upbringing in the world.

“You taught anyone else how to do this?” She continued in her quest to find out more about him.

“Naw.”

“Don’t you and Merle usually hunt together?”

“Not no more. We split up. He’s more interested in getting’ laid. Stop askin’ questions, every animal in Georgia can hear ya.” He scolded.

“Sorry.” She muttered as she scanned the area around them. A darkened, bumpy patch around a tree stump caught her eye and she skirted away from Daryl, approaching it with some hesitation.

“Are those edible?” She questioned while leaning forwards over the gathering of mushrooms.

“Again with the damn questions” he complained as he stomped over to where she stood and followed her gaze.

“I have to ask questions to learn” she corrected, straightening up and raising an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, can eat those” He answered, ignoring her last statement.. “But don’t eat nothin’ like that without askin’ me or Merle or someone that knows what the hell they’re talkin’ ‘bout. The wrong ones could kill ya.”

“Or get me real high.” She suggested with a wink.

“You ever done shrooms?” His face was unimpressed, not taken in by her playful line of questioning.

She placed both hands on her hips and let out a small laugh “Do I look like I’ve done shrooms?”

“Right. No. Don’t touch any unless ya desperate.” He told her before resuming her lesson about different types of tracks. He explained how animals have certain ways of moving which leave footprints that signal what they are. Along with how to identify bird tracks and how to cover her own path if she ever need to escape Into the woods.

“Why would I run away from another live human?” She asked.

“Can’t trust people no more. Some of ‘em are worse than the Walkers.” He replied. “Ya see another person, keep ya distance and ya weapon ready. They could steal your shit or wanna eat ya with the way things are goin’.”

_That’s food for thought._

“I’m a catch. I’d keep them fed for at least a fortnight.” She chirped.

He suddenly stopped and glared back at her. She couldn’t read his expression, somewhere between irritation and confusion. He said nothing and carried on walking.

* * *

The majority of the day was highly educational for Jess and she took a vested interest in being able to hunt her own food and escape without trace into the trees. She’d even been able to practice a few things. Daryl let her use his crossbow to shoot a squirrel and she shocked herself when she celebrated the animals demise instead of crying about it. That was _her_ squirrel, he had told her. She was going to skin it and eat it because it was her first ever successful hunt. She felt a swelling sense of pride in her chest when he handed it to her and made sure she carried it back to camp.

As they neared the tree line that separated them from the clearing in which the fire was being started for the evening, Jess and Daryl slowly wandered along, neither of them really wanting to go back and sit among the others. Their time alone in the woods had been mutually enjoyable and peaceful and Daryl considered asking her if she wanted to do the same again the next day. Before he could speak, she beat him to it.

“I enjoyed today.” She confessed. “It was very educational.”

“Me too.” He replied quietly, keeping his vision on his path and hoisting the string of squirrels and various other small, dead animals further up his shoulder.

“Where’s your vest?” She enquired, using it as an excuse to catch a glimpse of his arms.

_Screw it. I’ve earned this._

He looked up at her briefly, catching her eyes sweeping his upper arm and chose to ignore it as as he prepared for her reaction to what he was about to tell her.

“Washed it this mornin’. Was dryin’ when I left.” She began to giggle to herself and felt him shove her in the arm in jest. “Shut up.” He grunted.

“He actually listened to me. Oh my god.” She said to herself with a wide grin.

“It’s a one off. Don’t act so smug.” He grumbled as they both stepped out of the trees into the open area of the camp. Activity was at a minimum. Shane and Lori were talking in the corner, Carol sat with Sophia by the fire as Glenn fanned the initial flames. Andrea was atop of the RV while Dale was at the food station. Jess turned to Daryl with her squirrel gripped in her hand by its tail.

“Thank you. For taking me out.” She said sincerely.

“You’re welcome.” He said with a nod.

It was a clear and sincere acceptance and strangely polite for him. But she appreciated it all the same. He intended to follow it up with an invitation to do the same the next day, but something shattered his plan.

“ _Thank you for taking me out Daryl I love youuuuu!”_ A high-pitched voice mocked from behind them.

Daryl whirled around and locked his sights on Sarah.

“What’s up? You jealous or somethin?! Huh?” He raged as he stormed towards them. Jess managed to grab one of his arms to stop him but she shrugged her off and told her in no uncertain terms that she was going to let him say his piece.

”I should ram this squirrel down her throat” Jess said under her breath. 

Daryl’s rage was evidently scaring Sarah into submission to an extent. When he stopped in front of her and loomed over as she perched on a tree stump, his eyes narrowed and Jodie, who was sat beside Sarah, instinctively moved away and stood nearby like the true coward she was.

“You deaf as well as stupid?” He seethed.

“N-no.” She said with an air of fake confidence..

“You wouldn’t wanna go out there anyways, I’d feed ya skinny ass to the Walkers before the heat melts that plastic shit in ya face.” He hissed. “You got a thing for Rednecks? That why ya jealous?”

“No”

“Funny. Ain’t what I’ve seen.”

“Don’t you dare.” Sarah warned

“C’mere. I gotta tell ya somethin.” He leaned closer, curling his index finger at her and gesturing for her to move forwards. She refused, so he defiantly positioned his face by her ear. “Threatenin’ me ain’t wise, bitch. Not with what I saw ya doin with my brother in the woods.”

“You didn’t see anything. I wasn’t doing anything.” She protested through gritted teeth.

He moved back slightly, looking right at her. His lip curling in disgust. He hated girls like Sarah and Jodie as much as Jess seemed to. He too had endured their persecution at high school.

“Harder, Merle. Harder.” He mocked quietly adapting his voice and making it higher-pitched.

Sarah’s face twisted into pure panic.

“Oh my god. Shut your mouth. You some kind of pervert?” She fumed, quickly looking over her shoulder at a petrified Jodie, stood hugging herself and biting her nails.

“Nah, that’s Merle. But ya know that already, don’t ya?” He leaned close to her again, hearing her draw in a jagged breath. “Maybe next time he’s balls deep in ya, you should keep it down. Just a suggestion.”

Jess was impressed at his ability to render them both silent and reasonably terrified in seconds and she only wished she could do the same. His comment regarding Sarah’s badly executed lip fillers had almost made her bellow with laughter. But she exercised some restraint and watched on with dignity. Then came his graphic ridicule of her sexual activity with Merle in the woods. She hadn’t seen this side to him. Spiteful and savage and she had felt a twinge of discomfort at his brash and crude references. However, she struggled to find a reason why it wasn’t justified and decided that it all boiled down to the fact that Sarah shouldn’t be dishing it out if she couldn't take it.

It was some time before Daryl finally backed down after an intense stare off between then, but when he did, Sarah sat motionless and humiliated in her spot, her hands clasped in her lap and her jaw pulled tight.

“C’mon” Daryl said to Jess as he passed “let’s cook this shit up.”

* * *

_I think I have a crush on him. I’m so pissed at myself. Why do I always like guys that wouldn’t look at me twice?! Who am I trying to kid? No one looks at me twice anyway. Suppose I’ll just have to window shop, as usual. The world ended. Only a few survived and my brain thinks it’s an appropriate time to develop a crush on someone. It seems it’s been noticed by the twisted sisters too. No doubt I’ll have to endure more mockery at their hands. Or maybe What Daryl said to Sarah will make her think twice in future. I don’t know. It was kind of…hot. Watching him shut her up like that. I can only hope it’s stays with her and she leaves us alone. Us. That’s strange. Me. Leave me alone._

_Sometimes, I feel like they’re how I’m supposed to be. Maybe if I were more like them, things would be easier. Are they roses and I’m just a Dandelion? Roses may have thorns but if you breathe in instead of out at a Dandelion, it’ll choke you._

* * *

Choosing to sit with Rick and Carl after everyone had eaten, Jess jotted down words in her journal, tilting it to avoid Carl’s curious gaze. After weeks at the camp, Jess concluded that the cop next to her and his young son were actually quite nice company and decent conversation in the late evening hours when the sun would set and she’d start to look forward to retreating to the top of the RV with someone who had become her favorite individual to be around. Daryl.

Glenn and T-dog sat on the other side of Jess, with Andrea beside them, Dale on the RV and Merle next to Daryl, who was positioned square in her sightline when she looked up. He carved bolts and sharpened his hunting knife while Carl, Rick and Jess conversed quietly between themselves.

Merle nudged his brothers arm and Daryl’s hands stilled, his knife poised and still over a rock in case he sliced his hand off as a result of Merle’s careless action.

“Hey, Darlina. What ya say we head into the city at some point? Pick us up a little whiskey for these cold nights.”

“City’s full of walkers. Ain’t worth it.” Daryl replied with a shake of his head.

“Ahh, don’t be no sissy! Be in and out faster’n a bat outta hell.” Merle reasoned.

It was the worst idea Daryl had heard in a long time. In fact, the last bad idea he’d heard had also come from Merle and all the bad ideas before that. A pattern had formed and Daryl was no longer interested in being involved in any of his big brothers hairbrained and dangerous schemes.

“Yeah, maybe.” He mumbled in an attempt to quieten him.

Rick, who had overheard what was said, lifted his head from watching his son sitting on the floor next to Jess.

“It’s wise to keep a clear head right now. you both know Walkers are working their way up the mountains” He offered.

Merle stood up. A lit cigarette hung from his lips, the ash from the end flittering down from the orange end like confetti.

“Yo, Sherriff good boy? This don’t concern you” Merle snapped with a point of his finger. In a second, he was gone, vanished into the approaching darkness and not a single soul sat around the fire cared where. 

Rick sighed and looked sideways at Jess, who was offering him a sympathetic smile as she turned a page in her journal and carried on scribbling.

“What are you writing?” He asked.

“Nothing exciting. Haikus.” She muttered. Making a mistake on the page, she scribbled it out, her tongue emerging from the corner of her mouth in concentration.

“Haikus” Rick repeated.

“Dad, a Haiku is a short, Japanese poem that has a 5-7-5 syllable rule.” Carl interrupted. Rick was more than aware of what a Haiku was, but decided to humor his son anyway and presented his best, faked surprised look.

“Yeah, that’s right.” Jess grinned at Carl.

“I see. Can we hear one?” Rick asked.

Jess never shared any of the fruits of her labor when she was writing, always finding it too personal and revealing to read out to anyone, let alone people she hadn’t known all that long. She was no Haiku expert, nor was she all that into them, but the short, direct nature of them was both an appealing hurdle for her to overcome and something that keep her mind sharp.

“Oh, I don’t know…” She mused.

“Yeah! Please?” Carl begged, shifting around so he could peer at her with inquisitive eyes.

Daryl looked up from across the fire and paused his task. He slid his knife back into its holster and leaned against the wooden box behind him, bending one leg and draping an arm over it. 

“Uh… OK. sure.” Jess reluctantly agreed. She cleared her throat and tried to speak without her voice shaking. Suddenly feeling like she was stood up at the front of class at high school with a room full of judgement staring right back at her. But she wasn’t at high school, this was different and the young boy on tenterhooks in front of her was so enthusiastic, she felt too bad to decline.

“I stand taller to

Overcome the shadows

Of those who doubt me.”

Her cheeks reddened and she stared at her handwriting on the page, noticing one letter ‘a’ that wasn’t quite joined up enough. The silence around her was deafening.

“That’s… personal.” Rick remarked “but good. I mean, I don’t know what I’m talking about but-”

“-it is good. I think it’s good.” Carl affirms. “You should write more of those.”

His encouragement was endearing and she could only hope that his happy demeanor would continue, despite their dire situation.

“Thanks.” She muttered bashfully as she drew a star in the corner of the page.

“Should write a Haiku for everyone.” Glenn suggested from her other side. “Merle’s would be interesting, that’s for sure”

He was right. What could she say about Merle? With an out of the blue surge of confidence, she wrote down what was in her head, smirking at the words on the page and giving Glenn a quick wink. Before sharing her Haiku, she checked that Merle was well out of earshot or she would have some serious explaining to do.

“Bug zapper becomes

Merle’s entertainment after

TV repossessed.”

Nervous giggles filtered through the group around the fire as most of them also checked over their shoulders to make sure Merle wasn’t present. Jess scanned the laughing faces to see Daryl dip his head and smile into his lap. A rush of pride and self-satisfaction surged through her at the thought that she’d managed to make at least five people laugh, including the brother of the man she was making fun of and the person she had developed a crush on.

As the chuckling subsided, Daryl tilted his head back and rested a cigarette between his lips. Lighting it, his eyes never left hers and she began to wonder what he was doing and how strange it must have looked to everyone else. Luckily, no one was paying them any mind. Crickets chirped in the surrounding long grass in the tree line and the chilled, nightly breeze arrived, Andrea pulled her jacket closer around her and shivered. 

“Bout me?” Daryl rasped.

The group fell silent, all exchanging intrigued glances. Jess stifled a huge grin, knowing it was quite something for him to pipe up in a social situation like this and put himself in the spotlight.

“OK.” She she giggled “Daryl…. Lets see.” She began to write on the page again as the others grinned and waited for the most anticipated Haiku of what had become the nights entertainment. When Jess was ready, she flashed him a wide, perfectly white smile and the brightness and life in her eyes seemed to hit him like a lightning bolt.

“Daryl. Person who

Lacks class but enjoys a life

Without rich folks rules”

Rick couldn’t help but snort with laughter along with Carl. Jess joined them and had to build up the bravery to look back at Daryl. When she did, she saw him pick up a small pebble and throw it at her. It bounced off her sneaker and skittered across the dirt. But his smile was missed with a blink, wanting to hide how amused he really was from those around him.

“Dunno whatcha talkin’ ‘bout. I got class” He muttered.

“I have more class in my little finger” Andrea commented.

Instead of acknowledging Andrea, he continued to focus on the Haiku writing girl in the vintage Batgirl T-shirt that was able to make him feel more like himself than he ever did before. She was self-aware, able to make fun of herself, different and smart and she was as much of a mystery to him as he was to her. Neither one of them had experienced such an unconventional friendship with a person that under normal circumstances, they never would have crossed paths with anyway. But as she watched him with her unassuming, innocent and dark features, it dawned on him. Something he never thought about anyone. Ever. She was pretty.

For the first time in as far back as he could remember, he’d had a decent and enjoyable day. Not only was he able to do what he loved most and did most days, he was able to share it with someone that genuinely wanted to learn something from him and respected his ways of doing things. She wasn’t Merle, inpatient and arrogant. She was receptive, fascinated and soaked up information quicker than he’d expected. He was looking forward to sitting with her on the RV after Dark.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi All! Thanks so much for the love! I will reply to comments as soon as I can.  
> Putting poor jess through the ringer here :/

Before the turn, Jess had packed her car for her annual visit to the same Renaissance Faire she’d been attending with her friends for the last five years. It was a much-anticipated event for her and her collection of costumes had grown into an impressive variety of elaborate garments. Being indecisive about which ones to take with her was always an issue and so on this occasion, she’d crammed her car with as many clothes as possible, along with a few casual outfits that she kept in the trunk anyway due to many, spur of the moment road trips to see friends and visit conventions across the state. Her best friend, Ben had made fun of her for never being able to make a decision when it came to clothing and for always being prepared for anything. 'Just in case' was her favourite phrase and it was usually met with Ben replying with 'just in case of what, exactly?". Little did she know that the car journey to the Faire would be the last time the two of them would ever argue over what music to play in the car, what greasy food they would start the day with and where was the best place to park. It would be the last time she'd ever laugh at one of his cheesy jokes or tell him not to bother checking out any cute girls, because he was so forgetful he wasn't likely to remember he had a girlfriend if he ever managed to bag one. Two hours after the car door slammed and they began their final journey together, Jess had watched in utter horror as a Walker tore out his jugular and chomped on it like it was eating a burger.

Her interest in such activities and active participation in events that required outfit changes in meant she was lucky enough to not only have more than one change of clothing, but also a backpack big enough to hold her journal and a couple of books. Unlike some of the others at the camp, Jess had the luxury of being able to change her clothes every day and therefore, made the effort to help out with the laundry where she could. When Rick and some of the others returned from the city with bags full of clothing, the laundry duties increased and meant that Jess found herself with a job and a way of contributing to the group.

Her superhero and cult film T-shirts were both an entertaining talking point with Carl and a source of ridicule to the likes of Sarah and Jodie. While Daryl also enjoyed making fun of her for them, his lighthearted mockery only resulted in debates about which was the better character in films they'd both seen and her crush on him intensifying to a dangerously consuming level. She blushed around him. Stared at him so much he continuously caught her and felt a slither of drool escape her lips when she saw him emerge from the water one day, shirt soaked and stuck to his body. One of her eyebrows had shot up to the sky so fast she had little control over it. She held her breath and let herself indulge as he ruffled his hair with one hand, flicking drops of water everywhere. Jess could only liken it to a scene from some kind of 80's romance movie, where the unpopular, dorky girl falls for the ridiculously attractive bad boy that smokes too much.

* * *

Stood in front of him in a bright yellow Pulp Fiction T-shirt and her jeans, her face was expectant and waiting for an explanation, she squinted in the sun and propped a hand over her forehead. Heat beat down on her head, her scalp burning. She wished that she’d picked up a baseball cap when she’d left her apartment for the Faire that day.

“Alright, don’t freak out.” Daryl told her. “Wait here”

She sighed and tapped her foot while crossing her arms. Information about the days expedition was minimal. He was taking her to the woods and she wasn't to argue or he'd push her off of the RV. When he turned and disappeared into the woods, he left her alone around five feet from the tree line. After a few minutes, she began to slowly wander back and forth, stopping occasionally to crane her neck and check for movement in the dull light of the trees.

 _This better not be some kind of stitch up._ She thought. 

She knew it must have been at least fifteen minutes before the rustling of leaves and the crunching of twigs beneath boots caught her attention. Along with the snarling of a Walker. Her heart rate quickened. Instinctively, she took a couple of sizable steps back and frantically scanned the ground for something sharp with which to defend herself. A part of her was cross with Daryl for having left her here in danger of being seen by a hungry, walking corpse that would make a quick meal out of a slow, chubby girl with no means to defend herself.

_I hope I taste like acid when it bites me._

Seeing nothing to use as a weapon on the ground, she looked back up to see Daryl bunding a Walker out of the woods. He had tied a belt around its neck which he used to keep it in line like some kind of macabre, oversized dog and was shoving it along in front of him. Both of its arms had been hacked off at the elbows and the bloody stumps waved about like two coagulated, beef patties.

Jess was rooted to the spot, paralyzed by fear and totally confused. Daryl grunted as he pushed the Walker against a tree and wrapped the remainder of the belt around the trunk, fastening the corpse to the tree. It bucked and gnashed its teeth at him as he stepped back, bloody drool seeping from its jaws and pooling at its feet.

Daryl beckoned her over with his hand “C’mon. S’alright.”

“Ha-have you lost your fucking mind?!” She gasped. “What are you going to do? Feed it a bone and teach it to sit?!”

“No, smartass.” He huffed. “I’m gonna teach ya how to kill one of these things.”

Her enlarged; terrified eyes stared at him in disbelief. “Why?” she asked.

She thought she saw him swallow hard before he locked eyes with her and took longer than she was expecting to answer her. The Walker’s noises now drowned out by her mind racing and the panic welling in her chest.

“Case I aint around.” He replied quietly.

“Why would you not be around?”

“I dunno. I killed seven of these things in a day yesterday. Numbers are goin’ up. We’re either gonna have to move or we’re all gonna have to know how to fight. Ya gotta know how to do this, Jess. Ya ain’t safe if ya don’t.”

_Is he saying he cares about me here?_

Unsheathing his knife, he felt it’s weight in his hand for a moment before holding it out to her. She gingerly took hold of it, the heavy handle providing it with the majority of its weight. The blade was sharp and shiny. She often saw him sharpening it as an almost mindless task while sitting around the campfire.

“You right-handed?” He asked.

“Yes”

He moved behind her and it took all of her self-awareness not to flinch when she felt his fingers curl around her left wrist. He lifted it up and she slowly turned her head to see her pale flesh in his tanned grasp.

“Get closer” He rasped in her ear, encouraging her to step forwards by pulling on her wrist “use this hand on it’s forehead to steady it.”

Her breath caught in her throat when he took hold of her other wrist, sliding his hand up further to move her fingers into the correct position around the knife. The warmth from his torso hummed against her back.

“Raise ya hand up, good n’strong. Move closer.”

But Jess stilled. Her feet were rooted to the spot at the sight of the monstrosity before her. She wondered how Daryl had managed to hack off both of its arms and wrestle it out of the woods by himself. She shook her head and swallowed a deep breath.

“No” She squeaked “Please, I don’t want to go near that thing.”

With his hands still tightly gripped around her wrists, he leaned closer to the side of her face, both of them more than aware that as the weeks turned into months and as their friendship had grown, the sensation of their skin connecting had been unknown until now.

“Look at it’s arms.” He told her “It can’t grab ya. I made sure of that.”

And he had. Snapping the bones was easier than he'd anticipated and hacking through the flesh to dismember it's limbs was not unlike preparing an animal for food. So, he told himself it was just a kill from the hunt like all the others, except this one was larger and the odor it gave off was enough to make even the strongest of stomachs flip. 

“I-I can’t.” She stammered, her hands beginning to shake. He could feel her bones trembling as he gently urged her forwards.

“Yeah, ya can.” He countered “S'alright. C’mon. Just try.”

Turning her head to the side, the first thing she thought was how close his face was to hers and how icy blue his eyes were. 

"What if it gets loose and I can't kill it? Don't leave me with it" She pleaded. 

"I got it if it gets loose. I aint goin' nowhere. I'm right here." He confirmed. 

She neared the Walker, Daryl allowing her a little more freedom with each step like a parent urging their child to ride a bike without stabilisers. His hands loosened their grip and drifted down her forearms, before he broke away and she was stood inches from the bloody stumps of the waving arms attached to the Walker.

“Don’t overthink it, just do it.” He said from behind her.

She lunged forward, slamming her hand against the cold, dampened forehead and smacked it against the tree. She didn't know why, but she expected it's skin to be warm somehow, like regular people that are wandering around, going about their day. But this man was dead, so it stood to reason he'd be cold to the touch. She lifted her other hand and paused.

“The eye, it’s the easiest. As hard as ya can.” He instructed.

She fought against the Walkers attempts to break free, the blood from it’s missing arms now smearing across her T-shirt. Her stomach churned at the putrid and rotting smell that grew stronger with each thrash of its head. She screwed up her face and with all her might, drove the blade into the weeping, white eye of the Walker. The wet sound of the blade against its skull meant bile began to rise in her stomach and an involuntary cry left her throat. The scrape of metal on bone, but loose, like sand along the sharp edge of the knife. She slumped forwards and tried to yank the knife from the bloodied hole in the Walkers face but it stuck fast. She fought with it, twisting it and tugging on the handle, until Daryl’s hand closed over hers once more and he pulled on the weapon with brute force, freeing it and catching Jess when she stumbled backwards.

He took the knife from between her fingers and noticed his other hand had ended up around her waist, stopping her from falling. He ripped it away in seconds and stepped back, dropping his gaze. Jess turned and tried to steady her breathing as she watched his ears turn pink and his shoulders sag.

“I did it” She whispered.

If anything, it was a desperate attempt to draw attention away from the fact that he had just touched her somewhere other than her hands and that was something she’d only dared to imagine during nights scribbling in her diary in her tent or while drifting off to sleep. Even then, it was with some reluctance, as if somehow everyone around her could hear her thoughts and see her imaginings like they were displayed on a projector screen for all to see. He had just touched her and yes, it was accidental, but it was a moment she knew would guide her through many more nights alone with her thoughts. A moment that was as funny as it was tragic and would most likely never happen again.

“Yeah, ya did it. Good job.” He mumbled. She stood immobile while he cleaned the blade with a red rag from his back pocket and offered it to her once more, all the while avoiding having to look at her.

“Why are you giving that back to me?” She wanted to know.

“Take it. It’s yours.” He said flicking the handle up in front of her and urging her to take it.

“No, it’s yours” She corrected, smiling at his now vividly apparent awkwardness.

“I got a another” He told her, tapping at another knife holster on the other side of his belt. “Shouldn’t walk around these days without a knife. Take it.”

“I can’t, it’s-”

“-Take the god damn knife, Jess.” He interrupted.

She smiled at him again, pleased to see that he couldn’t seem to look away once his eyes met hers. She delicately slipped the knife from his hand and resisted the urge to jump on him and hug him for believing in her and pushing her out of her comfort zone. It was working, she was learning, getting better at surviving in the new world and she had him to thank for that. Aware that hugging him would go down like a lead balloon, she simply smiled at him instead. 

“Follow me” He grunted before setting off into the trees with intent.

“What? Where are we going?!” She called after him

"Ya just levelled up.” He barked back at her. “Now ya gonna complete level two.”

* * *

The next few days consisted of Daryl teaching Jess everything he’d picked up in the short while since the world had lost it’s footing and plummeted into what now resembled one of the levels of hell. He also continued to pass on his already established and extensive knowledge of hunting and tracking. It was not only productive but unequivocally enjoyable to Jess to be able to spend so much time with him. She knew not to question his desire to train her, accepting it simply as a mutually beneficial act somehow. Although quite what he got out of it still remained a mystery to her.

He’d even taught her to fish, a skill which wasn’t altogether alien to her due to many family vacations at the lake house and boat trips with her brother. But she feigned ignorance and politely listened when he showed her how to reel fish in and swallowed the urge to vomit when he made her fillet them, a task she had always left to the men in her family.

It was no more than a few lingering smiles, one or two occasions when she would catch him watching her perform mundane tasks like writing in her diary or sewing up a hole in her jacket, but it was there. The feeling of something a little more than friendship that Daryl just couldn’t seem to fathom. He had given his all, put everything he had into teaching her to survive and if someone were to ask him why, he wasn’t sure he had an answer. He hadn’t taught anyone else a single thing, hadn’t felt the sheer panic at the thought of anyone but her being bitten by a walker. With Jess, it was different. What he did know, was that when other people looked at him, they saw nothing but a damaged, unpredictable criminal that wasn’t to be trusted. But when Jess looked at him, when Jess spoke to him, she really _saw_ him. He was a person, another person just like she was. Right from the start, she hadn’t given up and persevered with a most unlikely friendship.

* * *

On top of the RV for what had become their habitual time to unwind at the end of every day, Jess hummed to herself as she propped her legs up on Dales cooler. Her book rested on her lap and she batted away the smoke from Daryl’s cigarette beside her. The cool night air carried it up into the atmosphere but the smell still hung heavy around her. 

“Those things will kill you y’know.” She remarked with a scrunched-up face.

“You gonna miss me?” He quipped, deliberately expelling a large plume of smoke at her. She waved her hand dramatically and fake coughed.

“No. I’ll get some peace and quiet.” She joked with a light chuckle.

Thinking the conversation to be over, Jess opened her book and began to read. It wasn't unusual for Daryl to just cease speaking when he'd had enough or when he felt like whatever had been said didn't warrant a response. Jess pushed the end of her pen between her lips and bit down on the lid, leaving the end peppered with small, teeth marks.

“What was that sposed to mean?” Daryl eventually asked with a tone akin to mild irritation. She closed the book and looked quizzically at him.

“I just mean you making me run around in the woods killing things.” She grinned “It ruined my Pulp Fiction T-shirt. I’m going to have to beat the holy hell out of it against a rock to get the bloodstains out.”

His eyes were narrowed at her, and worry that she’d offended him prodded at the back of her mind.

 _He’s touchy tonight._ She thought.

“I don’t _make_ ya do nothin’. S’for ya own good.” He grumbled.

“I’m just playing.” She tried. But his jaw was clenched and he looked away, taking a forceful drag on his cigarette and exhaling it in the opposite direction to her this time. Instead of stoking the fire that apparently had appeared from nowhere, she lowered her eyes back to her book and tried to ignore the now taut atmosphere between them.

Daryl rarely lost his temper with her, even out in the woods after hours of training, coated in sweat and blood and gore, repeating the same things over again, he never got angry when she couldn’t get it right. He never usually took her jokes the wrong way either which made their current situation both baffling and extremely awkward.

 _Why am I being such a jerk to her?_ He thought.

But he didn’t know the answer. All he knew was that the churning ball of anxiety in the pit of his stomach was for a reason and it was always at it’s worst when he was sat quietly beside her, watching her be nothing else but herself. It was frustrating and enraging and entirely mystifying to him. 

“It’s only you.” He muttered. Him facing away from her meant that she only just caught the words. Far from wanting to jump to conclusions that would only land her in an awkward and uneasy mess., she needed more information. 

“What?” She questioned, closing the pages of her book once more.

“That I teach stuff.” He added.

“I know” She said softly. “I’m grateful, for everything you do for me. I don’t know why you do it, but I know it’s only me.”

He nodded at her statement but still didn’t turn to see her, opting to carry on staring out into the darkness and watching the smoke from his roll up dissipate into the blackness.

“Want ya to be safe.” He uttered.

Jess’s heart lurched and her face broke out into a strong smile that was just too stubborn to shove away. Biting her bottom lip, she gently nudged his upper arm with her hand, thinking it a shame he’d put a leather jacket on and scuppered her chances to cop a feel of the biceps she so admired on him. Feeling braver than ever, in part due to the confidence that Daryl had instilled in her with his belief in her abilities, she took a risk.

“That you saying you care about me?” She jested.

Not turning to her straight away, she saw his body jolt when an amused exhalation followed a small head shake and it took all of her self-control not to blurt out what she really wanted to say.

_I think you care about me and I care about you too. I have such a huge crush on you. You are the most interesting and amazing person I have ever met._

The look on his face when he gradually worked his line of vision around to her took her by surprise. Chewing on his lower lip, she could see him hiding a smile, one that didn’t need hiding because it was in his eyes.

“Maybe a little.” He told her.

“Wow” She laughed loudly “A little, huh? Lucky me!”

_Oh lord. What the hell was that, Jess?! ‘Lucky me!’ I’m such a dork._

Footsteps below silenced them both and Daryl leaned to his left, catching a glimpse of a figure wandering past the RV. When the sound of whistling danced through the air, Daryl realized who it was.

“It’s just Merle.” He dismissed. Jess nudged her head up in acknowledgement and re-opened her book, feeling like the moment had passed to delve even deeper into what appeared to be Daryl caring about something other than running out of smokes and hunting deer. Her eyes scanned the words on the page, but none of them actually registered as her mind raced with thoughts of confessing her feelings. With no intentions to actually do so, all she had was her vivid imagination and the ability to simply dream.

_He cares about me._

* * *

Two nights later and by the flickering glow of the fire, Jodie rummaged through her laundry at the opening of her tent, carefully folding her minimal wardrobe, enough to fit inside a backpack should they have to pack up and leave. Sarah, who sat beside her was painting her nails. A necessity of the apocalypse, of course. Along with applying her eyebrows in a pocket mirror and curling her lip in disgust at the thought of having to go to the makeshift bathroom in the woods. A far from pleasant necessity that everyone else had come to accept, as was the way of the world now. They were all thankful to be alive, Sarah and Jodie were just happy to have their matching, Gucci belts still intact.

Jess was busy on the other side of the fire, sharing a few overcooked squirrel strips with Carl. They were so dry and tough that it was more like eating jerky than anything else. Carl winced and chewed relentlessly on a piece of meat that looked like a leather shoe while Jess snorted with laughter as she pointed at him and covered her own mouth which was also full of food.

Daryl was at her other side, the two of them now barely apart for more than half a day and just about able to ignore the jibes and attempts at humor at their expense from Jodie and Sarah. Daryl’s threat seemed to have worked to an extent, but whispers and mockery could still be heard if they listened hard enough. By now, the entire camp had accepted that Jess and Daryl had become friends and that Jess was the only person that Daryl would tolerate being around for so long. Likewise, he was the only one that didn’t drain her energy after more than an hour with incessant chit chat.

Merle hadn’t expressed an opinion but Daryl knew it wouldn’t be long before he made his feelings known and was waiting for the day when he would have to bite his tongue and remember that Merle was not the smarter one of the two of them. From a distance he watched, sneering and tutting as if Jess’s mere presence was at a detriment to his existence and the downfall of his plan to rob the camp was somehow her fault. Jess was none the wiser, blissful in her ignorance and Daryl had no plans to change that.

“Oh. My. God!” Jodie’s voice rang through the camp and everyone at the fire stopped what they were doing to look up. “There’s a frickin’ tent…in my tent! Look at the size of that!”

Daryl was the first to register what was happening and immediately snapped his head around to see Jess, leaning on her elbow to see past Carol, who was opposite her. It was like slow motion had kicked in when her eyes widened and the color drained from her cheeks.

Her body suddenly flushed with heat from embarrassment and fury and her surroundings increased in volume, the shrill laughter from the two girls holding her underwear a loft began to echo through her ears. The sound was deafening and her eyes glazed over, her vision glassy. Tears dripped down her cheeks.

“Sorry, Jess. I guess this wasn’t how you imagined Daryl seeing your panties for the first time.” Sarah announced.

With an inferno burning in her cheeks, she sprang up from the floor, stomped across the clearing, snatched the garment from Jodie’s hand and raced off into her tent. Daryl sat frozen for a moment, watching both girls fall about in hysterics before he also got up and went off into the woods with his crossbow. A backdrop of people expressing their disgust did nothing to quell the anger he felt as he departed. He wanted to go to her, to tell her it was alright and that it was just two dumb girls that didn’t mean anything. But his legs took him in the opposite direction so he could take the time to retreat into himself and try to push past his own humiliation.

Through tears and sobs in her tent, Jess took out her pen and journal and started to pour her feelings onto the page. Her teardrops tainting the ink.

_'I don’t know if I can stand this anymore. Daryl is literally the only good thing about being at this camp. I have these urges to just leave. But I am reluctant to leave him. We’ve become friends, good friends and I think we actually care about each other. I made progress with someone, I spoke to a person I wouldn’t normally have bothered with and something amazing happened. But now those assholes have stamped on it all. He’s never going to want to be around me when I’m such a glaring target for those two bitches. Carol once told me that they’re just jealous of me. But I don’t have a single thing for anyone to be jealous of.'_

* * *

Tracking, hunting and fighting lessons had become less social and more strictly on a need to learn basis between Jess and Daryl. He had less and less to say as the days crawled on after the humiliating scene at the campfire. Her efforts to engage him in conversation feel on disinterested ears and with each new day, Jess felt their friendship slipping further and further away. She still sat with him on the RV every night, her stubborn streak refusing to let her give in. The only sounds came from her turning a page or him lighting a cigarette. He’d still look over at her, she registered it every single time and she so wanted to look right back at him, to smile at him and crack a joke, but she knew any attempts to fix things would be futile.

She wasn’t sure what she was guilty of exactly, except being the reason Daryl was mentioned during the horrendous ordeal of the panty announcement. Now, it was apparent to Jess that there was every possibility of Daryl wanting to distance himself from her to avoid being targeted again.

More and more Walkers appeared every day and the Group made the collective decision to start gathering supplies in order to move on and find another safe haven. But with food, medicine and weapons running low, a supply run into the city was arranged and planned which Merle very quickly attached himself to due to the prospect of stocking up on something he deemed to be a priority; Whiskey. Daryl initially agreed to go along, but Jess could tell it was simply because he couldn’t tolerate his brother’s complaining about his lack of interest.

On the way back from a hunting lesson, Jess carried a large hog which she was immensely proud of hunting by herself and with the aid of Daryl’s crossbow. Once the animal had been taken down, he’d offered a simple appreciation of her skill that could have been missed if Jess wasn’t paying attention

“Good job” He’d muttered.

“Gee, thanks.” She replied with a roll of her eyes before she surged through the bushes and claimed her prize

Now, she was getting used to being out in the heat, creeping about in the woods and had even killed three Walkers without Daryl having to step in. As she trudged through the thick, hot air towards the camp with the hog around her shoulders, she sighed to herself in frustration and stopped walking, flicking her head and freeing a few strands of hair that were obscuring her view. Daryl walked on and it wasn’t until he was a good ten feet away that he noticed she wasn’t beside him anymore.

“Why ya stopped?” He enquired.

Jess looked down at her feet. Once brand-new sneakers that had seen better days. Tatty and stained beyond repair. She kicked about in the mud and tapped a finger on the hoof of the hog she held on her back.

“Are you angry at me for something?” She said quietly.

“Say what?” He questioned, bringing a hand up to his ear to signal that she wasn’t speaking loud enough.

“I said, are you angry at me for something?” She repeated, much louder this time.

Jess expected him to look confused at least, but his expression was deadpan, almost blank and with not a single scrap of emotion.

“No.”

“Then why are you being off with me?” she demanded.

He shrugged his shoulders and wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his wrist.

“I ain’t.”

“Yes, you are. You barely talk to me anymore. We come out here and wander around like a couple of strangers. It’s not like it was.” She explained. It had taken a lot of courage for her to address the situation. Daryl wasn’t known for having a gentle nature and she was not unfamiliar with how hostile he could be. But she missed the way things were before, when they would talk into the night, make fun of each other while training in the woods or simply sit in each other’s comfortable company.

“I ain’t being off. I am off. This is how I am.” He snapped, turning around and walking off. “Get over it.” She heard him grumble under his breath. 

In her chest, she wrestled with anger and sadness. The one person she had a connection with was now further from her than he’d ever been. As he vanished from her sightline, it occurred to her that it was physically as well as emotionally.

When she deposited the hog at the food station, she caught sight of Daryl sat on a rickety, plastic chair outside the RV with a smoke between his lips and his knife clamped in his hand. He was buckled forwards, carving something into the dirt with the pointed end.

“Everybody! Can I have your attention please?” Sarah’s voice sounded out through the camp and people stopped their tasks and chatter in anticipation of some kind of announcement. Beside Sarah, who was stood on top of the RV, Was Jodie. The sleeve of her bright pink sweater was pulled up over her hand and she chewed excitedly on the fabric while she waited for her friend to speak.

Jess’s veins stung with dread when she clocked what Sarah was holding in her hand. A leatherbound journal.

_I left it on the RV last night. Shit. Oh no. No no no no. Please no._

“I found this awesome book up here! It really is gripping stuff! So I thought y’all would like to hear an excerpt!”

She opened the journal and cleared her throat, holding it out in dramatic fashion in front of her.

“Sarah.” Jess blurted out. The blonde girls vicious glare swung over to Jess. “Please. Don’t do this. Please.”

Without a single glimmer of apprehension, Sarah’s eyes moved back to the page and she began to read aloud.

“To everyone else he just seems to be this angry, unpredictable redneck. But to me he’s different. Daryl is an enigma. He has a personality that he tries to keep hidden but I see it and it’s so interesting.”

As she spoke, the mocking tone to her voice added to what was already a mortifying and agonizing moment for Jess, who was stood, red faced and wishing the ground would open up and she would fall into an abyss, away from Sarah, away from Daryl, away from all of them.

Daryl was totally still, his Jaw taut and the veins in his neck popping with rage. He wasn’t even watching Sarah. Instead, his eyes were fixed on nothing in particular at floor level. Sarah continued and with every single word, the fire inside Daryl was stoked and a piece of Jess fell away to nothing.

“He’s snappy and rude at the moment but I still really like him. But alas, I shall carry on admiring him inside my own head and outwardly being his friend. Friend zoned without ever having to have that awkward conversation, as usual. There’s no point in being any other way, anyway. He probably thinks I’m weird and a total loser and doesn’t even see me as a friend. Just the clingy nerd that follows him around. That’s me. The cling on.”

The cackles of Sarah and Jodie were soon stopped by Dale climbing the ladder, snatching the book from Sarah’s hand and scolding them both for being so cruel and childish. Below, Lori and Carol looked on, both shaking their heads in disgust as Andrea shouted up to them, asking how they would feel if the same were done to them. Everyone was there. Rick, Carl, T-Dog, Glenn. They all heard it as clear as day and could clearly see the damage done to Jess.

_But that’s just it, isn’t it? It’s never done to them. They’re never made to endure the torment that people like me have to live with. Some people are the lucky ones. Me? I’m not._

As if a bass guitar was droning in her head, her despair grew so much, she could no longer hear what was going on around her. Her vision was a blurry haze and her feet felt like two cement blocks. But she knew she had to move. Remove herself from the situation. Someone was laughing. Merle. Chuckling loudly and mentioning Daryl’s name. She couldn’t see, but then there was yelling, swearing. Daryl’s voice.

“ _SHUT THE FUCK UP, MERLE!”_

Picking up the dead weights of her legs, she ran to the slope. Down to the waters edge. To the calm and quiet where she sat in the dirt and sobbed so hard her throat and chest were raw and her tears sliced down her skin like razors. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Update Update! Thank you for all the love so far!

Sleep. It’s when the body recovers and processes the day’s events. It makes things clearer and allows for a new perspective. Resting the mind, the body and the soul all at once. That is, where decent sleep can be attained.

Jess tossed and turned in her sleeping bag all night, tears staining her thin and threadbare pillow. Eventually, when the exhaustion of humiliation and rage had defeated her, she drifted off in the early hours of the morning only to dream of being chased and jolting awake a mere hour later. Her eyes felt puffy and stung with the reminder that emotionally, she desperately needed a break. She sat up, wiped the sleep from her eyes and faced the dread that festered deep inside. Facing everyone after the events of the night before was going to be tough, she knew that much.

When she emerged from her tent, she quickly scanned the camp, seeing no sign of Sarah and Jodie and figuring that it was a good start at least. Carol and Andrea offered her a small smile as they stood and talked by the RV and Dale lifted a hand in a small wave from his perch at the top. Aside from their small acknowledgements, no one else looked up as she headed for the food station. The minimal and careless reaction she received did something to aid her relief at least and she sensed her heart rate calm and her anxiety lessen.

After a night of replaying her recent torture by Sarah and Jodie, she wanted nothing more than to sit next to the one person she found solace with, but even he seemed too far out of reach. She knew deep down his distance from her was down to being associated with the girl that was constantly made fun of. She wasn’t the only one that had been humiliated. The thought of giving up on their friendship was not one she wanted to entertain and so, she had to at least try to talk to him.

Sat on a rounded rock, alone and with eyes pinned on the still water, like a sheet of glass in front of him, Daryl could hear footsteps wandering across the gravel towards him. He sighed, knowing it was Jess and feeling more torn than ever. Half of him wanted to yell at her and make her go away. To tell her that he was not the type of person to maintain friendships and that he was better on his own, without the hassle of drawing attention from the lesser liked members of the group. The other half craved her company, her lighthearted banter, her smile, the gentle way she nudged his arm and laughed quietly when she was making fun of him. It was this half that was stronger, but he was locked in a war with them both.

“Hi” She said quietly.

A quick glance at her told him she had been severely affected by what had happened. Dark circles under her eyes told of a sleepless night spent crying and pouring over the details. The ‘what if’s’ the ‘maybe I could have’s’. His heart stung with sympathy but his face displayed nothing. A blank expression.

“Hey” He grunted.

She held out a metal bowl to him. It was another habit of their friendship that had suddenly become as routine as their nightly RV meeting place. She would wake as early as him, before many of the others would stir. She’d fix them some food and they’d sit together and eat quietly as the sun crept up into the sky and the warmth in the air became heavy and intense. Jess was never much of a morning person but her disturbed sleeping pattern and her unavoidable new life meant she was adapting and although she rarely spoke much before the others began to emerge from their tents, she enjoyed the fact that Daryl obviously felt the same about the comfort of the morning routine, having never complained or walked off until she moved first.

“Brought you some breakfast.” She told him.

“I aint hungry.” He muttered. His body was rigid, stressed and on edge and no matter how many cigarettes he smoked, he could not ease the tension in his muscles. He wasn’t lying. Food was the last thing on his mind.

“You can always eat, Daryl.” She smiled.

“Said I aint hungry.” He snapped. His chest constricted with guilt.

_I’m being an asshole to her. Again. Why do I do this?_

She immediately noticed his changed attitude towards her and joined the dots, realizing that he was angry about the previous night.

“Look, about last night-” She started

“-I don’t wanna talk about that.” He cut in

“But, I don’t-”

His head snapped around and his eyes met hers. To her dismay, they were filled with fury and she almost flinched at his aggressive attitude towards her.

“-What is wrong with you?! Huh?!” He raged “We ain’t gonna be no best friends! I don’t have friends n’ I don’t want ‘em neither! I don’t work that way! So just give it up!”

Her mouth dropped open and she blinked at him in disbelief. It was no secret that Daryl could be unpredictable and sharp tongued, but she had seen very little of it directed at her until that moment. Her entire body recoiled and screamed at her to leave before she was faced with more bitter disappointment and hurt.

Still clutching the bowl, she turned and walked away. Her path was blurred through yet more tears and she considered that if she was going to cry at anything since the turn, it would be the loss of her friends and family. But it was different, Daryl had changed things. Sarah and Jodie had changed things. She was mixed up, confused and frustrated.

Daryl grit his teeth and swallowed hard as he watched her walk away. Sliding from the rock, he started after her, boots noisily crashing through the pebbles of the shore. But his mind was too filled with complexities to have formed any kind of calm and coherent conversation. He stopped and raised his arms, his hands pushing into his hair on each side as he closed his eyes.

“Shit.”

He didn’t know why he was angry at her, logic told him that none of it was her fault. She was merely an unfortunate and easy target, but the humiliation was still raw and he still felt it from the night before. Always being an outcast and a target himself during high school and in the small, mountain town where he and his brother lived, Daryl had quickly become tired with being kicked when he was down and being dealt the worst hand. He evolved as he aged into what people that knew of him saw as a mini-me version of Merle and it was a judgement he couldn’t seem to shake and so eventually accepted. But the truth was, he wasn’t like Merle. He was empathetic and sensitive, two traits that would only get him targeted even more. He knew how Jess felt, maybe it was why he had raged at her, the all too familiar feeling of being so publicly ridiculed. Or, maybe it was because he felt genuine, powerful concern for her that had startled him and he didn’t know where it had come from or to do with it.

* * *

Sarah flashed Daryl a wide grin as she approached him on the slope but received nothing but a scowl in return. She could see why the camp nerd had attached herself to him, he was brave, mysterious and surly. Not like the other men in the camp and he had garnered her admiration from the day she turned up with Jodie in tow, both shaking with fear and exhausted from the hike up the mountain. Merle had been easier to get through to, easier to persuade to follow her into the woods so she could use him to forget for a while.

It was an occurrence that he didn’t want a single soul to know about and gathered that Sarah felt the same. Daryl didn’t even register the first time she propositioned him, he’d shrugged off her passing, flirtatious comment as nothing, but it occurred to him when she tried a second time and made it more than obvious that she wanted something from him. He knew of girls like her. Whiter than white, rich kids from privileged backgrounds who love to make out that they’re so wholesome and in a position to persecute everyone else for their bad decisions, all the while going about numbing their own pain with the same activities they claim to loathe in others. When she confronted him in the tree line one evening and shoved him against a tree, he felt her hand cup between his legs and for a split second thought he might be having some kind of screwed up dream. Sarah’s long blonde hair tickled over his arms when she pressed herself to his body and brought her lips close to his ear.

“Wanna have a little fun, Daryl?”

His face twisted with disgust as he shoved her away from him, stopping himself from going as far as pointing his crossbow at her.

“Get the fuck away from me” He warned while she regained her footing on the woodland floor and stared at him with a determined look on her face.

“C’mon, let’s just forget for a while” She purred, reaching a hand out and dragging her fingertips down his bicep and biting her lip. “You’re hot. I’m hot. I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” He grabbed her wrist so quickly it made her jump, his fingers like a vice as he used her arm to propel her backwards until her back hit a nearby tree and the air was knocked from her lungs, she buckled over and wheezed before gasping up at him in shock.

Self control was something Daryl was either good at or impulsive with, depending on the situation. Stood before a fed faced, coughing Sarah, all he wanted to do was shoot her in the face. But he wasn’t about to risk the place in the camp that he had earned. He knew Rick would banish him and probably Merle too for killing the living. He found himself inches from her face, sweat trickling down his temple.

“Don’t ever touch me again.” He growled.

Storming off into the dimly lit woods, he withdrew his knife from its holster and veered off in the direction where he’d last seen Walkers, needing to expel some rage.

When he noticed Sarah walking down the slope towards him, he decided that his lack of action to defend Jess and himself had meant that she thought she had triumphed over them, and so he needed the satisfaction of confronting her. But it wasn't just that, it was also years of being tormented, of seeing other kids dragged through the same ordeals. Dragged down to rock bottom by insecure, selfish kids that just made an already difficult childhood and life even harder. It was more than one thing. It was a multitude of things that Sarah represented and finally, he'd decided enough was enough.

Wearing a thin, dusty pink cami top that left nothing to the imagination, she ran a hand though her hair, gathering it at one side and winking at him. The tiny gesture did nothing but make him want to yell in her face. He stopped in her path and noted her looking him up and down with approval.

“Changed your mind?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

Hi stomach churned. He couldn't think of anything less appealing. Merle's leftover's which happened to be highly undesirable in the first place. Daryl wasn't altogether as interested in the fairer sex as his brother was. Having never encountered a woman that possessed the traits in which he found attractive. While Merle went for the physical aspects of a female, Daryl was more drawn to the complexities of one's character and personality; Honesty, integrity, a sense of humour and a level of intelligence. As a result, the likes of Sarah was the embodiment of everything he despised.

“The hell was that last night?” He snapped.

“Just lightening the mood. Everybody’s so tense and boring around here.” She complained, rolling her eyes and twirling a piece of blonde hair around her fingers. 

“Yeah?” He squared up to her, closing the gap between them. She tried to back up, stopping when she realized she was almost flat against the crumbling wall of the walkway to the quarry. “The next time ya do somethin’ like that for fun, ya better watch ya back, ‘cause you’ll be the one I trip up in front of Walkers to buy everybody else some time.”

An unsure but mischievous smile crept across her face.

“You’re real sexy when you’re mad, Y’know that? I bet you can unleash all kinds of rage in the bedroom. Can see why she’s got such a huge crush on you. It’s a pity your taste in women is so terrible, you sure you’d rather get your kicks with her over me?”

_Actually, I would but I’m not about to admit that to you._

A idea crossed his mind. A risky one but an appealing one nonetheless. Sarah and Jodie toyed with Jess like a cat toys with a mouse before it kills it. Bit by bit, stealing small parts of its life force away. Daryl very deliberately dragged his eyes from her face, all the way down her body and back up again.

“You really wanna go to the woods with me?” He asked.

“You were my first choice, you know that.” She grinned.

“Alright, you gonna make it worth my while?” He asked.

“Oh yeah.”

Impulsivity. It was one of his flaws. His emotions and sensitivity leading him astray, into the realm of snap decisions that he sometimes regretted. But in the grand scheme of things, he couldn't see how any consequences that developed from his sudden idea could possibly make anything worse. 

“Follow me.” He instructed with a small nudge of his head.

In the woods, Daryl walked as far as he could before reaching the border, stopping and leaning against a tree. He wiped his brow with the back of his hand and tilted his head back at Sarah, who had halted in front of him and was looking at him like a lion eyeballs a steak. Merle was the better manipulator out of the two of them, but Daryl possessed the higher intellect that meant he knew exactly what to do going forward. Sarah was a simple creature, after one thing and one thing only. All he had to do was lead her there and she would do the rest. 

“C’mon, get over here” He encouraged. "Unless ya shy."

“I’m not the shy type.” She purred as she moved close to him began skimming her fingertips along the edge of his leather vest, drawing subtle lines down his chest. Everything in him was screaming to be removed from the situation. The sensation of her fingertips skimming down his chest over his shirt felt like pure poison. 

“Bet you can be a real bad girl, huh?” He asked. She slowly peered up at him, licking her lips. He let her close the gap between them and felt her nose and lips graze the side of his face.

"You wanna find out how bad I can be?" She uttered against his skin. 

He clenched his jaw in disgust and wondered how anyone could possibly enjoy this kind of seedy and nauseating state of affairs. He took a deep breath before rapidly seizing her shoulders and ramming her back against the opposite tree. Her back hit the bark with a thump and shock flashed across her face, her hands coming up and tugging at his wrists. She wriggled under the pressure of his weight, his forearm now clamped across her chest and rendering her immobile. He levelled his eyes at her, his glare burning into her self-centered soul. 

“I aint never laid no violent hand on a woman, but you aint no woman. You’re nothin’ but a fuckin’ parasite. I wouldn’t screw you if my life depended on it. What ya did to that girl was fuckin’ low. She aint never done nothin’ to you.” He seethed, finally standing up for Jess’s honor didn’t feel as strange as he imagined it to. In fact, it felt totally right.

“That’s cute. You’re defending poor, chubby Jenifer” she pouted breathlessly

_This bitch really doesn’t give up._

Daryl suddenly felt like he was watching someone else make a move as his hand lowered and took hold of his hunting knife. In a split second, the shiny, silver blade was pressed against Sarah’s throat and her eyes flashed with pure terror. The knife pressed further towards her skin and he knew he’d have to let up soon or he really would end up killing her. Her chin rippled and a small, frightened whimper was enough to tell Daryl that he had succeeded in scaring her into submission. Finally, she gave in, her cheeks suddenly wet with tears.

“Her name’s Jess, dumbass.” He spat. “I don’t know how the hell you’re even still alive if ya this fuckin’ stupid. You even look at her again n’ I’ll slit ya god damn throat and leave ya out here to the Walkers. You understandin’ me?”

She nodded tearfully, sniffing and still trying to feebly pull on his arm to release her. But Daryl only moved when he was ready, staring her down before he eventually released her and was gone in the blink of an eye.

* * *

Jess didn’t move from her tent for the entire day. She ignored Carol’s attempt to coax her out to eat something and Glenn checking in on her by peering around the zipper of the tents entrance. In the night, she got up and wandered down to the waters edge. Unbeknownst to her, Daryl was sat in the dark, smoking and reflecting upon his actions that day. He was sure that Sarah deserved to be frightened into ceasing her childish and spiteful antics, but he was unsure if his violent threat had been the right move to make. He had never hurt or threatened a woman before, telling himself his whole life that he would be nothing like his father. But in that moment, with Sarah shoved against a tree with a blade to her throat, he wanted nothing more than to be able to follow through with his threat, especially when he visualized Jess’s horrified and devastated face while she watched in horror as Sarah read her journal aloud. He was some distance from her, far enough back from the water for her not to notice his presence but close enough to see her hugging her knees, lit by the moon and hear her quiet sobbing.

It was a sunny, Sunday afternoon. The first Jess and her family had spent in their new home on the Army base in Ft Rucker. Their sixth, official military base home in as many years. Moving so much had come at a cost, Jess never really settled anywhere and found it difficult to hold down friendships. Her studies suffered and her parents piled on the pressure to succeed despite her struggles. She wasn’t like them, not an overachiever in everything she tried and as a result, always felt a little outcast, even from her own immediate family. But she loved them unconditionally anyway. The Barbeque was in full swing, the burgers were being slid into buns and piled up on the table in the yard, the smell of charcoal and burning meat filling her nostrils and cementing its place in her memory as a connection to one of the most enjoyable afternoons of her life. Jess and her older brother played cards while sipping punch made from fruit juices and an extremely large bottle of rum that her father had emptied into it without her mother knowing. He offered Jess a small wink after he hid the empty bottle in a cupboard and carried the punch bowl outside. They ate as much as humanly possible in one sitting, laughed and felt the hazy blur of alcohol after a couple of hours and finished up the evening with a loud and boisterous game of charades. If she could choose to have anything, to go back to any point in time, she wouldn’t erase the last few hours, she would simply opt to go back to that day and re-live it again. To be with her family and drink her father’s super strong punch and eat four burgers without caring what anyone thought. But she was stuck in a quarry, in a camp at the end of the world with Sarah and Jodie, the type of people she despised, a bunch of others that she hardly knew and didn’t want to, even though their hearts seemed good and their intentions were sincere. And Daryl, she didn’t know what she thought of him anymore.

He finished his smoke and drew in a deep and thoughtful breath. His heart told him to go to her, but his head said otherwise. He was getting attached; he knew that much because the feeling its self was unknown to him. He’d never felt it before about anyone, never cared enough. Certainly not enough to hold a knife to another human's throat in their honor. It was dangerous to become attached to people, he couldn’t trust them and didn’t need to rely on them and eventually, everyone goes away in the end in some way or another. But Jess seemed different and he pondered if it would be so bad to just have one friend. To have that one person that knew him more than his brother did. His heart won the battle and he got up and went to her, his boots crunching on the gravel. When she heard him near her, she jumped up and swiped tears from her face with her sleeve.

“Hey, Jess.” He said.

It was most unusual, the use of her name in his greeting to her. From this simple and apparently meaningless phrase, she knew everything had changed.

“Hi” She sniffed.

He sighed when he saw her puffy face, a tear glistening in the moonlight on her cheek. In his whole life, he was certain he’d not felt an ounce of sympathy when anyone cried, but stood there before Jess, who was undeserving and innocent, his chest hurt and he wanted to do something totally out of the ordinary…he wanted to hug her.

“Heard ya cryin.” Was all he said instead, unable to muster the courage for physical contact.

“Bad day at the office” she remarked.

It was clearer than ever that she was the only person he’d ever spoken to that seemed to want to be around him and be his friend. His angry and embarrassed reaction to recent events meant he took it out on her with no grounds in which to do so, but it was all he knew and what she’d written in her journal had made everything exceptionally awkward.

“S’my fault. Shouldn’t have gone in on ya like that” He admitted.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” She responded, turning her back and walking to the slope.

Something in Daryl urged him to stop her. To say something. Anything to prevent her from walking away and the situation remaining unsolved or even improved in the slightest.

“Hey. Wait.” He called out, but she continued to walk, bringing a hand up and wiping her face again. “Jess. Stop. Please” He tried again. She stopped but didn’t grace him with turning around or even a glance over her shoulder. She couldn’t look at him, too mortified to be near him.

“Just ignore ‘em.”

By all accounts and by his own admission, it was a feeble and pathetic attempt to soothe her feelings. Far from being an expert, the intention was there but the know how and the sensitivity lacked. However, Jess couldn’t deny that she appreciated his effort, it was just too little, too late. Finally spinning around to face him, she flapped her arms by her sides with exasperation.

“You said it yourself, we weren’t even friends in the first place. Why are you even talking to me?” She asked, by that point totally done with skirting around the issue and feeling her temper beginning to rise.

“That was just some shit I said in anger.” Daryl tried to explain as honestly and to the point as possible.

“C’mon, Daryl. Don’t say that just because you feel guilty for yelling at me and being a dick for the past few days. You don’t even have a right to be angry at me, I haven’t done anything wrong. You don’t like me any more than they do. I’ve just forced you to talk to me since I’ve been here.” She argued. Her body language had changed, now laced with hints of anger and irritationas her hands flew up every time she started a new sentence.

“I don’t do nothin I don’t wanna do.” He told her.

She wiped at her face again, her skin still damp and puffy and the extra tears now doing nothing but increasing her anger. He wished he could say what he wanted to say but far from being an expert at such confrontations, he was having trouble getting his point across. Panic set in when he saw her try to leave again and so he blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“The way you are with me, ain’t like nobody else.”

She halted and shot him a confused look.

“What does that even mean? I’ve always treated you like you’re another human being.” She cried with exasperation. If no one in the camp had heard her raised voice by now, they were lucky.

“Yeah” He agreed. “Exactly.”

Then, she understood. His uncomfortable expression, his hands pushed into his jeans pockets and the fact that he was still stood there despite the emotional toll of the topic, told her a lot. He was trying. What she couldn’t decide, was if it was through guilt, or because he genuinely cared. The prospect of them carrying on as friends after the journal incident was a ridiculous notion to Jess. Nothing would ever be the same again and neither of them had asked for it.

“I’m sorry you had to hear all that. What she read out. I-I didn’t know what I was talking about when I wrote it.” She attempted to explain.

“Don’t have to explain. It’s alright.” He dismissed as he dug a boot into the dirt. 

“I don’t want you thinking that the only reason I hang out with you is because I think your attractive or that I have a stupid crush on you. That’s not the reason I talk to you so much.” She confirmed with little belief that it would do anything to stop him going over what he had heard every time he looked at her.

“I know.” He mumbled

“I mean, I’m not saying you’re not attractive. You obviously… are. Very attractive. I just…”

_I’m digging my own grave here. Stop talking._

“Nevermind.”

She heard him huff and caught him smiling in the moonlight. It was an overly shy smile and in that moment, during the most difficult conversation they’d ever had about a subject that was leaving them both highly uncomfortable, she had delivered a compliment to him that she was convinced had actually made him blush. To her it was the most amazing thing and a sight she could have looked at all night. He appeared so bashful that his lip was curled up into an almost never ending half smile and he could only look out across the water. Her growing affection for him intensified in those few seconds.

“Um…Thanks.” He grunted

She sighed and dropped her gaze to the floor, sensing him studying her silently for a moment. He was baffled by his urge to protect her having previously failed to see how much their friendship had grown over the months they’d spent at the camp.

“We are friends. Alright? And I don’t think you’re a loser.” He wanted her to know.

She slowly looked up at him and he wished it was lighter, just a little more, so he could see her eyes and try to gauge how she was reacting. But a silhouetted figure and a darkness shrouded face was all he had to work with.

“Maybe a little weird…n’ too damn loud in the woods. But ya ain’t no loser.” He added, lightheartedly.

_Just smile at me. Please._

“Not sure about that.” She whispered as she wrapped her arms around herself, hugging her torso.

“Jess, it don’t matter. What she did. What she read out. It don’t matter.”

It was a last-ditch attempt at trying to convince her to put it all behind her and try and start over. For a fleeting moment, he thought she was about to agree when she offered him a small smile. But then, she started to back away.

“Matters to me.”

* * *

Such a conversation with Daryl was a first and Jess lay in her tent with her head propped up on her backpack full of clothes and overthought every single detail. It was one of her downfalls, overanalyzing everything and coming up with six when she put two and two together. The stitching on the inside of the roof of the tent was now serving a different purpose than to just keep a roof over her head. It was now a visual representation of every single time she’d been hurt by Sarah or Jodie. Every little quip or whisper sewn into the fabric just like it was now sewn into the fabric of her being.

Sitting up, she crawled to the front of the tent and checked the top of the RV. Andrea was sat alone at the top, reading a book. No sign of Daryl. She growled to herself. Typical. She wanted to find him, to speak to him and tell him that she was willing to try and put everything behind her and continue to be his friend if he wanted her to be. That she’d had time to think and had decided that the friendship that had blossomed from nowhere between them was too good a thing to throw away.

She climbed out of her tent, crossed the clearing and approached the slope that led down to the water, checking the place she’d last seen him made the most sense to her. Hearing whispers in front of her from the cloak of the darkness, she detected Merle’s voice, along with Daryl’s. 

“I hear you right earlier? Ya aint comin’ into the city.” Merle asked.

“No. Ya only want whiskey, Merle. Rick was right, s’a bad idea.” Daryl replied, shooting the idea down in flames.

“That little girlfriend of yours got ya all mixed up? You aint no fun no more” Merle complained.

Jess sighed, releasing a huff of anger at the notion that everyone seemed to have it in for them.

“She aint my girlfriend, man. Get outta here with that shit.” Daryl protested.

“We all heard what she wrote in that diary o’hers. Tellin’ me you wouldn’t tap that? it wouldn’t take much convincin’.”

“Stop.” came Daryl's short warning.

“Oh, I see it now. She actually means somethin’ to you, don’t she? That the reason our plan means diddly squat to you now? ‘Cause ya went n caught some feelin’s for the little, fat chick?”

Ignoring Merle’s offensive description of her, Jess’s mind raced with the possible responses Daryl could have to the question. Would he tell his brother that he cared about her? Would he just brush it off and remind him they were just friends? Or was she about to hear him confess to seeing her the same way as she saw him?

“The plan aint a plan no more because it was a fuckin’ dumb idea! She’s just a girl, she don’t mean shit to me, alright?! Just drop it.”

In the blink of an eye, upon the delivery of one sentence, Jess stopped believing in happy endings. She knew fairytales didn’t exist and it was confirmed for her that she would never fully trust anyone again. Her sneakers scraped up over the gravel as she began to back away from the sound of the voices. Her heart was undoubtedly broken, but she was done with crying over it. 

* * *

_I think it’s time I left this place. Maybe it’s better to keep moving. I don’t contribute anything to the group that can’t be replaced by somebody else and I don’t think I can live with the the humiliation that Sarah and Jodie have caused. I also overheard Daryl telling his brother that I mean nothing to him. I thought we were friends at least. I should have known his mixed signals were lies. I’m so stupid. What was I thinking? In hindsight it was obvious that getting attached to someone like him would only get me hurt. But I just had that hope. Stupid, wasted, dangerous hope. I still can’t believe it’s all been a lie._

_I stole a gun from the RV and a couple cans of food that nobody will notice are gone until I’m at least a few miles out. Hopefully, it’ll help to keep me going on my way back to the city. I suspect Daryl may try to track me at first, but at least I know now that it won’t be because he cares. It’ll be because people will ask him to. Maybe Carol, or Carl. I’ll miss them and I hope they make it._

* * *

Two hours was all he needed. Two hours of broken sleep and he was up and tracking rabbits in the woods. The task at hand would have been easy enough, having been performed a million and one times over. But that was when his head was clearer and his circumstances were different. Even before the turn, there was always something hanging over him right from when he was a child. His father’s violence, his mothers drinking, Merle’s increasing absence, school, bar fights, drugs, bail money. The only tranquility in Daryl’s whirlwind of a life was the woods. The place he felt like he could be himself and stop entertaining thoughts of whatever issue he had to deal with that day. But now the world had changed and so had he, thanks to the introverted but chatty girl he had befriended and managed to hurt at the same time. He told himself; one more rabbit. It would be enough and then he could go back to camp and sit with her. He didn’t plan on saying much, but he hoped his presence alone would be enough for her to see that he wasn’t going to enable anything that Sarah or Jodie had done to impact their friendship after all.

Catching the final rabbit had been easy, barely ten minutes spent tracking the target that was so busy trying to find it’s own food that it noticed nothing untoward until the last, deadly second. When he pushed through the trees, clutching a collection of rabbits and squirrels, he was forced to halt where he was. Carol stood in front of him with her arms tightly wrapped around her torso and her lips pushed into a thin line. The first thought that entered his head was that the camp had been attacked and someone was dead. The flash of panic that surged through his veins at the thought of it being Jess took him by surprise. Carol slowly walked towards him.

“What’s goin’ on?” he questioned.

“Daryl…” She started. “It’s Jess.”

_No. No, this can’t be happening. Tell me she’s alive._

He could sense his chest constrict and his grip become tighter around the legs and tails of the dead animals in his grasp.

“What? What about her? She OK?” He demanded.

Carol let out a sympathetic huff and tilted her head to the side, shrugging one shoulder up. 

“She’s gone.” She whispered.

“Gone? What d’ya mean, ‘gone’?”

Daryl’s voice was now a lot louder than he had meant it to be, but the need for more information was now starting to press on his last nerve.

“Her belongings are missing, so is one of Shane’s guns. We think she left in the night.” Carol explained.

His eyes flashed with disbelief and he surged past her, striding over to the camp and dumping the animals in the dirt by the burned-out fire. Everyone stopped their tasks and conversations as he began throwing open people’s tents, storming in and out of the RV like a hurricane and calling her name at the top of the slope to the water. Carol watched on as he paced back and forth with his hands on his head as Merle emerged from his tent.

“Naw.” He shakes his head “Naw. She wouldn’t. She wouldn’t just leave.”

“She not here. We’ve looked everywhere.” Glenn offered from beside Rick and Shane, who were stood next to the loaded-up truck which had all their guns arranged on the hood like a bizarre art installation.

Daryl looked over at her tent, lunging at it and ripping it open, his face falling in dismay when he saw nothing inside. He growled loudly to himself as his breathing increased and his heart started to hammer. Carol, who was usually skittish and nervous around aggression and anger, made the attempt to calm him by gently touching his arm but as soon as the contact was made with his skin, he flinched and threw her off.

_“SHIT!”_ He bellowed.

Throwing his crossbow from his back onto the floor, he spun around, his gaze stopping on Andrea.

“You!” He exclaimed, pointing a calloused finger at her. His hand hovered over her chest and she took a step back. “You were sposed to be on watch! Why didn’t ya see her leave?! Huh?! The fuck were ya doin’ up there?!”

Before she could even begin to fathom an answer, Rick stepped in and worked his way in between them, placing a hand on Daryl’s chest and coaxing him back. Again, he flinched off the contact which told Rick in no uncertain terms that now more than ever was not a good time to be touching him.

“Daryl, this isn’t anybody’s fault. She took everything with her. She wanted to go.” Rick reasoned.

“No! You don’t know her! She wouldn’t!” He argued.

“You got it bad, boy” Merle laughed from the other side of camp. His boots cracked over snapping twigs on the ground while he slowly made his way over to the scene. Sauntering casually and rolling a cigarette between his fingers. “I thought she didn’t mean shit to ya. Aint that what you said?”

Something in Daryl snapped. He swung an arm out and collided his fist with his brother’s nose. The impact was so strong that it caused Merle to stagger back after everyone winced at the sickening _crack_ that echoed around the camp and bounced from the trees. Merle blinked in surprise and brought his hands up to his face. Warmth coated his fingers as blood tricked through the gaps. His eyes flicked up and he lunged at Daryl, only to be stopped by Shane. Daryl's hand thundered with pain but it was a pain he needed, a welcome distraction from the pain in his heart, caused by the knowledge that he had failed to reassure her, to keep her here under the promise that nothing had to change. A million and one 'what if's' floated through his mind. 

“Easy” Shane grunted while throwing his weight back against Merle to prevent him from surging forwards and causing a mass brawl.

“I’ma knock you into the middle o’ next week, you little shit!” Merle hissed. Blood sprayed messily from between his teeth, peppering his vest and anyone unlucky enough to be close enough to him. 

Daryl, chest heaving and teeth clamped together, made off for the trees.

“Where are you going? Daryl?!” Carol called after him.

“To find her!” He shouted over his shoulder. “Y’all would do well to stay outta my fuckin’ way too.”

“What if she doesn’t want to be found?” Carol reasoned.

Ignoring her, he vanished into the trees, leaving Shane Still struggling with Merle and a dozen shocked faces all peering awkwardly at one another.

* * *

When evening arrived, it brought with it Daryl’s return to the camp. Much to the surprise of the other inhabitants that expected him to be gone for days on end. He said nothing, only sitting down by the fire and hanging his head. His arms were decorated with scratches and as Rick watched him push his fingers into his dirty, tousled hair he realized that Jess’s departure had impacted their resident hunter more than he had thought.

“Here” He said, throwing a plastic bottle of water over at him. It landed between his boots and Daryl wearily reached down and picked it up. He unscrewed the cap and took a large gulp. Around him, was every single other member of the camp. He had walked into some kind of meeting but could care less about interrupting. He knew Rick was mid-sentence when he’d appeared and flopped down onto the ground, not listening to a word that was being said. In fact, he didn’t even notice when the cop and seemingly unelected leader stopped talking and his surroundings grew uncomfortably quiet. Clearing his throat, Rick carried on speaking.

“Is everybody in agreement that we should go ahead with tomorrow morning’s run?”

People must have nodded but Daryl didn’t look up or show an ounce of interest.

“We need more food.” Rick continued “Daryl?”

He didn't want to talk, or have to make any decisions. he didn't want to take part in a meeting or do anything except rest until he had enough energy to go back out in search of his friend. A long and exhausted sigh followed an angry glare when he finally looked up meant Rick had already been put in his place. But he knew he had to ask the question regardless."

“You OK to hunt over the next couple days?”

“No.” Daryl said firmly.

Rick’s eyebrows raised momentarily and he caught the gaze of his wife, Lori. She gave him a small nod, urging him to continue.

“We don’t have enough food for the next few days.” He explained.

“Yeah, n' I said no. I’m goin’ lookin for Jess.” Daryl snapped back.

“Oh, come on.” He heard Sarah scoff. Rage flared in his chest and pumped through his veins, white hot fury fueling him to act. He jumped to his feet and with a click and a gasp sounding out from those around him, he pointed his crossbow at her face. Tense murmurs filled the air and Rick was rapidly crossing the space between them with intent to stop him.

“Back off, Sherriff.” Daryl warned without moving his vision from his target, stopping Rick in his tracks and pushing the crossbow further into Sarah’s face.

“Hey, shit for brains” he hissed through his teeth at her. “You two are the reason she’s gone. If ya don’t shut up I’ma put a bolt between ya eyes”

“Daryl, you won’t be hurting anyone. Put it down.” Rick insisted, drawing his gun.

Merle, who had been slowly ambling up the slope to the camp when he heard a commotion, seemed to turn up out of nowhere. Calmly, and apparently with no recollection of his brother’s savage punch earlier in the day, he stepped between the barrel of Ricks gun and Daryl.

“Woah, now Sheriff. What ya say you just let my brother do what he pleases? He’s been feedin y’all for weeks now. He wants to shoot the bitch, then I say we let him.” He smiled. “She ain’t good for much anyways”

Sarah looked up at Daryl’s fierce expression over the tip of the arrow pointed at her forehead.

“You calling _me_ shit for brains? Please. Stupid Redneck.” She shot at him with little to no fear of being impaled in the face with a crossbow bolt. Telling herself he wouldn’t do it, she forced her shoulders back and tried to hide her fear. 

“Rednecks good enough to scratch ya itches though, right?” Daryl commented.

Sarah rolled her eyes. “Oh whatever, asshole.”

“You been fuckin’ Merle in the woods” He proclaimed loudly. Sarah’s jaw dropped open and Jodie, who had shifted up considerably from her side, stared at her friend in disbelief.

“You said he was lying.” She whispered.

“Oh, aint no lie, sweetheart!” Daryl shouted as he jostled the crossbow closer to Sarah's face. “Likes herself some rough, this one! Tried it with me n’ when I turned her ugly ass down she went after my brother! Goes around judging folks, makin’ fun of ‘em. When all the while, she’s lettin’ my brother search her for pocket change in the woods most nights!”

Glenn, who was sat across the fire with wide eyes, sucked both of his lips into his mouth to stifle what would undoubtedly be a roar of laughter, not only at Daryl’s rage, but at his amusing choice of words.

“This is awkward” He pointed out. 

“I know. It’s great.” T-dog added from beside him. He shuffled around on the spot, getting comfortable for the remainder of the show. 

Andrea sprang forwards from where she was leaning against the RV, obviously feeling the need to intercept at the sound of such a crass topic.

“Daryl, that’s enough, there are children that can hear you.” She scolded as she stepped into the circle behind him. He lowered his crossbow and turned on his heels, locking her in a death glare.

“People out there eatin people!” He shouted as he raised his arms. His crossbow swung clumsily in his grip “Sluts fuckin’ rednecks all over the show but we better not say no bad words, huh?!" His neck flared red and veins protruded on his temples.

Sarah, who by now was completely mortified at the whole camp knowing about her night-time activities, slowly lifted her vision to Merle, who was still stood between Daryl and Rick. He began to laugh loudly to himself.

“Cats outta the bag, sugar! God damn!” He chuckles, throwing a wink her way. “No more squat thrusts in the pickle patch!”

She immediately got up and stomped off, leaving a collection of stunned faces. Jodie watched her depart, her face twisted with disgust.

“I ain’t doing nothin’ for none of y’all!” Daryl fumed, whirling around and swinging a pointed finger at them all. “Gonna look for Jess. Merle can hunt. I’m out”

With that, he threw his crossbow over his shoulder and scuffed out of the circle around the fire, off into the woods to set to work finding the girl that had managed to work her way so far into his heart that he wasn’t about to let her go without a fight.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short update but it's for a reason, to divide the story up. Life's been a tad hectic recently so writings been a struggle. I am trying! Promise!  
> Please forgive mistakes, I haven't had time to edit this one as I just wanted to get it out. I'll edit it as soon as I can.

Jess wasn’t sure how long she’d been walking, but the sun had changed position in the sky considerably since it had risen shortly after she’d left the camp. Her heels burned with the first signs of blisters and her stomach growled so loud, a jolt of anxiety came with it every time it protested at the lack of food. She was sure every animal and walker within a five-mile radius could hear how hungry she was, but she pressed on anyway, knife in hand and listening for the slightest snap of a twig or gurgle of a ripped-out throat.

With every glimpse down at her T-shirt came a reminder of the two walkers she’d already encountered on her travels. Blood from their battered and diseased bodies now covered the batgirl image on the front of the shirt. That, and a ring of sweat had already made its self at home around her neckline.

 _At least it goes with the two maps of Africa under my arms._ She thought

Contrary to what she’d expected, she managed to eliminate both of the Walkers with minimal issues. A small stumble here and there and one missed attempt at impaling an eye and before she knew it, they were both down and she stood over them with a sense of twisted pride at her new skills. Ignoring the fact that she’d screamed twice and bit her own tongue when she lunged at the second corpse, she thought it to be a success regardless. She couldn’t deny that if it hadn’t been for Daryl and his insistence on teaching her how to defend herself, she would most probably have been dead by that point.

Her stomach raged with hunger once more and she wrapped one arm around her middle, hoping the pain of starvation would subside soon and she would enter into that strange, not so uncomfortable, over-hunger that meant her energy levels would plummet but she’d at least be quieter. Her bones were beginning to ache as she glanced up at the sky through the spiked branches above, it was lower than when she last checked and the air was beginning to cool. Night was approaching and she knew she needed to start seeking out a shelter.

She wiped the back of her hand across her soaking brow, grateful for the evening air that was now licking at the perspiration covered areas of her skin. Her sneakers continued to thud against the woodlands blanketed, mossy ground as her skin stung with every single step. She wished she had band aids, or different footwear, or a bed and a bath and food and all the things she took for granted before the turn.

In her heart, she had no regrets about leaving the camp. It felt like the right thing to do at the time and even as she trudged through the thick and imposing trees, all she felt was relief. Relief at not having to deal with Sarah or Jodie anymore, Relief that she’d managed to leave behind the gnawing nervousness that being around so many people she hardly knew induced. Above all, she was relieved that she would no longer have to invest any more of her time, effort and feelings into a man that thought nothing of her.

Just as she was beginning to imagine herself falling asleep as she walked and getting eaten by another human being, the ground beneath her feet changed from twig ridden to hard asphalt. She looked up, blinking sweat from one eye and inhaled sharply at the sight before her.

The windows were still intact and the door was closed. The forecourt and gas pumps were still neatly hooked up and the entire gas station and store was seemingly untouched. For a fleeting moment, Jess thought she may be hallucinating. A kind of mirage in the desert situation. She didn’t have such luck. Or, did she? Surely, she was due some. With a lingering look up and down the street, she took a deep breath and focused on the building. It was silent and inviting.

_They sell maps. And food._

She surged forwards, her feet skimming across the roads surface and emitting hardly a scuff as she raced to the door. Peering through the glass, she rapped lightly on the frame and waited. Inside was dark and still like the night and Jess could see aisle upon aisle of food and supplies. Her head told her it was too good to be true and that she shouldn’t charge in expecting a three-course meal and a map to freedom. But her heart was arguing that what she could see in front of her was to the contrary.

Irrespective of her misgivings she tried the door and huffed in irritation when she found it locked from the inside. Searching the forecourt for something to use to break the glass, she resigned herself to entering back into the woods when she came up with nothing. Picking up a rock and heading back, she hoped with everything she had that the noise would not attract any Walkers from the surrounding woods.

The glass panel in the bottom of the door shattered with ease and allowed for a narrow but useful entryway into the store. Thousands of tiny blocks of glass littered the floor as Jess climbed inside and straightened herself up. She brushed her stained and dirty clothes down and set about filling her backpack with packets and tins. As she worked, she opened bags of potato chips and lined them up on a shelf, stuffing her face with a myriad of different flavors and wondering if she’d ever been so happy to see a gas station before. She moaned with happiness as she munched along the shelves, grabbing bottles of water and a can of soda for good measure.

“Maybe I should just stay here.” She said to herself. The sound of her own voice seeming so alien after hours of not uttering a word other than two panicked shrieks when she was attacked by Walkers.

Her heart nearly stopped when a hand slapped against the counters surface from below. She spun around, locking her eyes on the gnarly, discolored fingers with missing nails that were clawing over the counter for grip.

“Oh shit.” She whispered, sliding her knife out of her belt and gripping the handle so hard her knuckles turned white. Urging herself to remain collected, coordinated and quick to react, she heaved in a deep breath and stepped into the middle of the aisle. The Walker seemed to pause when it noticed her standing before it, knife raised and a bead of sweat racing down one temple. She slowly edged forwards with a sideways stance, ready to steady herself should she fall. It was another thing Daryl had taught her on one of their training jaunts and in that moment, while she stared into the dead, rotting eyes of a reanimated corpse in such an enclosed space, she was more grateful for the knowledge than she had ever been.

It lumbered towards her, rounding the counter and reaching out with bony, blackened fingers that made her empty stomach bubble with bile and pure disgust. The smell hit her like a freight train and only grew more intense with every step the corpse made. Like a million, rotting rats in a room full of pork roasts left to fester. Her senses were overwhelmed and she blinked back a wave of nausea as she forced herself to move and eliminate the threat lumbering at her from the dim, dusty corner of the store.

Squinting at the throbbing mass of maggots that were living in one eye socket of the Walker wasn’t the best idea she’d had so far, especially when it almost cost her life when teeth were gnashed at her arm, missing the skin by a hair’s breadth. Startled, she screamed and dropped her knife, shrinking back down the aisle and backing away.

“Oh shit. Oh shit.” She gasped, panic now driving her every move.

In the blink of an eye and without even registering the movement of her own body, she found herself running around the shelving, heading for the counter and hearing her sneakers slapping against the shiny flooring. Reaching the register, she dove behind it and frantically began scrambling around on the floor for something to use as a weapon. Her fingernails dragged over the surface of the wooden shelves below and her breathing was now thundering so loudly through her chest that the snarling of the Walker was now just a distant interval in a chorus of terrified gasps.

Cold metal against her skin stopped time and she widened her eyes at her discovery. Under the counter, mounted on two hooks was the most glorious sight. She ripped the shotgun from it’s place and swung it around just in time for the Walker to lurch into view around the counter and stepped over her. Her finger squeezed the trigger as her back hit the floor and all at once, a deafening bang blasted through her head, straining her eardrums and leaving nothing but a whistle. Red mist fluttered in the air and brain matter splattered her clothes from the one, well-aimed bullet that had saved her life and completely changed the color of her clothes and skin. The Walker’s body slumped down onto her and her face crumpled with irritation and dismay. She shoved it off to one side and sat up, drawing her knees up and hugging them. She buried her blood-soaked face in her arms as sobs choked an escape from her throat.

Minutes must have passed but she wasn’t counting, consumed only by a baffling mixture of feelings that had risen in her chest and erupted from her body in a sudden and overwhelming rush. Her shoulders juddered as she sucked in breaths and rubbed her face on the sleeves of her T-shirt. Tears soaked the fabric and before long, she felt the niggling knowledge that it was too dangerous to have a breakdown in her current location.

“What would Daryl say?” She asked herself aloud. After all, it was Daryl’s teaching and insistence that she knew about self defence that meant she wasn't dead right then and there. “He’d tell me not to be a pussy.” She concluded.

Hissing a breath through her teeth, she reached up, dragging the heavy weight of her tired body from the floor and managed to stand on her feet again. She scanned the room, now coated in a thick layer of crimson and body parts.

For the next ten minutes, she found as many bags as she could and stuffed them full of food and supplies before heading back outside and skidding on her heels when she noticed a car parked at the side of the building. She crunched over the uneven ground towards the vehicle and opened up a map she’d retrieved on the hood. It took some time to figure out exactly where she stood on the map and after three incorrect guesses, she finally figured out her location. Checking the area around the pinpoint on the map, her eyes stopped over a large expanse of fields and she held her breath.

“The faire. I need to go back to the faire.” She whispered.

She threw open the car door and searched the glove box, the sun visor, every compartment and nook and cranny she could find but could see no sign of any keys. Sitting in the driver’s seat, she wished she’d led a more rebellious lifestyle, or at least one in which she would have gained the skill of hotwiring a car. Accepting that the most she’d been blessed with was a knowledge of weapons and armor from way back when, she glanced over her shoulder, seeing a discarded jacket with a name tag pinned to it.

_Clive._

The pin badge boasted the logo of the gas station store and Jess quickly put two and two together in her head. Shooting across the empty gas station as fast as her legs could carry her, she crashed back through the stores door and sprinted to the counter, narrowly avoiding slipping on the wet, bloody floor. Bundling to her knees, she quickly searched what was left of the body that tried to attack her. Reaching into its pants pocket, she cringed at the thought of having to search a dead body that had tried to eat her previously but was soon over the notion when her fingers grasped a set of keys. She ripped them from the clothing and stood up, picking out one in particular that matched the make of the car outside.

“Thank you, Clive.”

Hoping with all of her heart that the car still had enough gas in it, she ran out of the store and jabbed the key into the lock.

* * *

Three days had passed and Daryl still carried the weight of Jess’s departure upon his heart. Blaming himself for her decision, he considered that maybe if he’d had more understanding of what it was to be someone’s friend, maybe if he’d defended her when he should have done, maybe if he’d tried harder to tell her that he was grateful for her willingness to try and see past what everyone else couldn’t when they looked at him, maybe…Just maybe, she wouldn’t have left. He tracked her with such determination that he had failed to eat or sleep much in the days that she’d been gone. Carol and Carl had asked for updates away from the listening ears of the others in the camp. He wished he had more to tell them and felt like a failure every time he shook his head and signaled that no; he hadn’t found anything.

With each new, more obvious part of a trail, his heart rate quickened and he tried to prepare what he wanted to say to her if he was to find her. But, the blank page inside his mind remained crisp and white. He didn’t know how to tell her that he missed her already, that he liked her company, that she made him smile and laugh for what felt like the first time in his entire laugh. He didn’t know how to tell her how her strange quirks and hobbies actually did interest him. He also didn’t know how to tell her that he cared about her and how pretty he thought she was. Difficult communication was a bridge he would have to cross if he ever managed to find her.

The trail in front of him became so pronounced that it made him stop in his tracks. Footprints from sneakers were clearly visible in the dampened mud under the trees and stretched for as far as he could see into the trees. He tightened his grip around his crossbow, well aware by now that if he did find Jess, there was a high possibility that she had succumbed to the bite of a Walker. Daryl wasn’t a religious man, but something inside him urged him to pray to whoever might be listening that his friend had come to no harm. That he would find her wandering the woods, lost and lonely and she’d beg him to take her back to the camp.

The footprints came to a stop in front of a tree and Daryl slowly raised his vision, taking in every slight movement and around from his surroundings. He froze when he saw the note pinned to the tree in front of him. A biro pen had been worked through the top of the paper and between the bark, a pen he recognized straight away.

_I got her those._

He plucked the note from the tree and blinked rapidly, trying to focus on the writing with fatigued eyes.

_‘Well Stinky, if you’re reading this then you’re more stubborn than I thought. I’ll let you off the hook with anyone that’s actually asked about me. I’m guessing it’s Carol and Carl that wanted you to look for me. You can tell everyone that you found me just as I was being attacked by walkers. I fed them for days. The Twisted Sisters will cackle over that, I’m sure._

_In the meantime, it might be beneficial that I unburden my soul right now as I will never see you again. At least this way I won’t be hurt by your indifference or disgust when you read it._

_Daryl, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that someone like myself - A fat, irritating burden like myself remotely thought that we could be friends. I saw you as someone strong, brave and smart. You are a survivor. Someone I looked up to and could be myself around. I guess I took your quiet demeanor as acceptance when I should have understood that you were barely tolerating me. I get it now. I know you just didn’t want to tell me face to face and cause another embarrassing scene. Those seem to follow me around, right? I’m hoping by telling you this, it will release me from how much I cared about you._

_But until then, Love, Jess’_

The air left his lungs in an involuntary rush and he slowly turned, thudding his back against the tree as he gripped the note in his hand. He bit down on his lower lip as anger tightened his muscles and jaw. The words he’d read were still at the forefront of his mind. Tolerating. A burden. Irritating. Fat. He slid down to the floor, his crossbow clattering on the ground and he rested his arms on his bent knees with the note still screwed up and gripped in his fist.

_No, Jess. No._

Unable to summon the motivation to get up, he stayed there until the sun started to lower in the sky, trying to come to terms with the fact that he’d managed to make the one person he’d ever given a damn about believe that he was merely tolerating her. Every conversation they had ever had was scrutinized inside his head and he could only conclude that which he had thought all along. It was his fault. Somehow. Someway, with the help of Jodie and Sarah, he’d driven her away. Although the words on the paper were now distorted and crumpled, he read them over and over again, each time worse than the last, before he finally shoved it in his pocket and headed back to camp.

* * *

The camp’s atmosphere upon Daryl’s return was noticeably tense and if he was honest with himself, he struggled to care about any of the possible reasons. All he wanted to do was sit away from everyone and read Jess’s note, but such a simple desire was not to be. As soon as Rick and Shane saw him emerge from the trees, both of them stopped talking in their hushed tones and exchanged an awkward glance. Everyone else that was visible in the clearing wore the same expression. Daryl couldn’t be bothered with this.

“Merle! Get ya ugly ass out here! Ya get any whiskey?” He called out while skirting around the fire and stalking over to Merle’s tent.

“Um…Daryl?” Shane tried

“Merle!” Daryl shouted, ignoring his pursuer. He threw his crossbow down and swooped a hand into the tent, tugging the opening to one side and finding it empty.

“Daryl, I need to talk to you.” Shane continued.

Daryl whirled around, noting the solemn look on Shane’s face and quickly checked everyone else as they gathered together. They were all was staring at him as if he was a bomb about to go off. 

“’Bout what?” He wanted to know.

“Merle. There was a uh-a problem in Atlanta.” Shane told him.

His bones seemed to lock at the thought of losing both his friend and in brother in as many days. Merle wasn’t always the best big brother in the world. In fact, he was downright useless and more trouble than he was worth most of the time. But blood was blood and Daryl loved him regardless. He didn’t want to ask the question, but Shane was obviously struggling with something.

“He dead?” Daryl asked.

“I’m not sure.” Came the response.

Daryl furrowed his brow and once again, looked at the others for some kind of clue as to what had gone on. Carol hugged her own torso as Sophia clung to her leg. Sarah and Jodie, for once, were silent, their eyes locked on him as they slowly stood up from their chairs outside the RV. Dale’s gaze quickly shot from Shane to Daryl, then to Glenn and to Lori as if he was waiting for one of them to intervene, but no one did until a voice rose up from behind Shane.

“There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to say it.” Rick announced, stepping into view. “Your brother was a danger to us all. He almost got us all killed. So, I handcuffed him to a pipe on a roof. He’s still there.”

Daryl’s entire demeanor and body language morphed into that of a brawler in a single second. His eyes narrowed and the veins in his temples protruded. He began to pace about in front of Rick, kicking up dust with every turn. Dale signaled for Carol to move the children back and Sarah’s jaw dropped open like a trap door.

“Lemme process this” Daryl snapped, wirling a finger around at the side of his head. “You’re sayin’ ya handcuffed my brother to a goddam roof…” His voice was louder with each word and Rick prepared himself for what was to be an explosion of rage that was not only fueled by his actions against Merle, but by the loss of Jess also. “…and ya _LEFT HIM THERE?!”_

“Yeah” Came Rick’s feeble reply.

He turned his back to everyone, took a deep breath and spun back around, launching himself at Rick and tackling him to the floor. Withdrawing his knife with effortless precision, he raised the blade and prepared to deal out as much damage as would quell his fury. But Shane had other ideas, running at him from the side, he barreled into him, knocking him free of rick and maneuvering him into a chokehold. Carol ushered Sophia into the RV and continued to watch in horror as everyone else observed the drama with keen interest. Rick wasted no time in getting to his feet and gathering Daryl’s arms behind his back, disarming him as he bucked and kicked against the weight of the two men, gasping and grunting from the pressure in his head and neck.

“Chokehold’s illegal, asshole.” He managed to wheeze.

“You can file a complaint.” Shane quipped in response. “C’mon now, I can keep this up all day.”

It seemed like forever that the three men remained there with an enraged Daryl struggling in their grip. People had started to make whispered comments to each other.

“We’re going to have a nice, calm discussion on this topic. You think you can manage that?” Rick hissed at Daryl as his breathing began to slow from its rapid speed. A small nod from Rick to Shane saw Daryl released and tossed onto the dust.

“What I did was not on a whim” Rick insisted as he knelt down in front of Daryl “Your brother does not work and play well with others.”

Before Daryl could answer, screams pierced the atmosphere and people started to run at him, darting past him and every which way, so fast he couldn’t see what was happening. Rick stood up and accepted a rifle passed to him by Shane. Daryl scrabbled back on the ground, turned around and staggered to his feet in enough time to retrieve his crossbow before the first bullets started flying. As his vision cleared, he could see at least a dozen Walkers emerging from the tree line, all evenly spaced out as if they were the soldiers of some kind of miraculous and coordinated attack. In the chaos, the panicked shrieks of children rang through Daryl’s ears and he zoned in on Sophia, who was being hurried behind Carol as Rick triggered shot after shot at the approaching Walkers in front of them.

His crossbow popped as a bolt was released, hitting a walker square between the eyes just as it reached for Sophia. He hurried to his feet and raced over to her, swinging the weapon from left to right to check for any more threats. Seeing an opportunity, he swooped Sophia up into his arms and sprinted to the open door of the RV, where Dale stood, firing off shots from an ancient looking rifle.

“Carol! C’mon!” Daryl yelled behind him, willing Carol to follow him. She complied and left Rick, who by now was edging towards a truck that he could see Lori and Carl climbing into. Shouts and yells filled the area and it was difficult to distinguish between instructions, cries for help and screams of pain and death. Daryl shoved Sophia, then Carol into the small space behind Dale.

“I got this, get the engine started!” he ordered. Dale gave him a nod and disappeared inside as Daryl inched forwards, firing bolt after bolt and reloading faster than he had ever done before. His fingers were raw from the crossbows drawstring but he paid it no mind as he successfully managed to rescue three people from being bitten. Seeing some of the camps occupants flee into the trees on the other side, he decided to follow them.

Jodie was a sight to behold as he shoved through the thick bushes and found her on her knees and clinging onto a tree trunk with one hand. Her neck sported a gaping hole, flesh literally torn from the bone and blood pumping from the wound in waves. He slowly approached her, crossbow raised and ready to pick off any nearby Walkers. When she saw him, she reached a shaky hand up to him, her blood-soaked fingers sprawled out, begging for assistance.

“Please, help me.” She croaked.

He aimed the weapon at her head as tears fell down her cheeks. There was no helping her even if he wanted to. They now lived in a world where a single bite could kill, reanimate and turn a corpse into a disease of pandemic proportions. A bite that literally triggered the end of the world.

“No. Please. Daryl. No.” She begged.

“Sorry.” He grunted, squeezing the trigger. The bolt shot through her skull like it was butter, pinning her to the tree, silencing her and freezing her face into the same pleading expression she had used to beg him to spare her. Had she been aware at the time, she would have known he was in fact showing her mercy above all else. He stepped closer, tugged the arrow from her head and moved on as if it was nothing, because to him, it wasn’t. Jess and Merle were gone and he wasn’t sure if he had much else to live for.

Pushing his way out of the trees, he witnessed the trucks and RV heading off down the graveled path to the highway. Everyone was leaving with a trail of Walkers behind them. Glancing to his left, he spotted Merle’s motorcycle and was revving the bike to life before he even had time to think about it. Walkers were now emerging from everywhere around him but his fear was still minimal. Fear wasn’t something that came easily to Daryl after growing up beside it like two best friends. Fear guided him through his darkest moments, it wrapped him in its arms while he tended to his wounds and warned him not to disrespect or answer back. That was, until he reached an age where he could use his fear to fight back. It was what had got him where he was in life and now, at the end of time, he had almost disowned it altogether.

The bike roared to life and he eased the clutch out, swerving grasping, rotten hands and following the taillights of the RV.

“WAIT!”

A desperate cry came from behind him. He knew the voice and as a result, opted not to turn around. Instead, he watched Sarah run at him in his rear-view mirror with two walkers on her tail. Her feet were bare, her long, peroxide hair was being ripped from her head and her face was twisted into a terrified, doomed grimace.

“Daryl! Please! _WAIT!’”_ she tried.

But Daryl only gave the bike more speed, approaching the RV faster and joining the rest of the group in abandoning their camp. He knew there was space on the bike for her. He knew he could slow down, hit both walkers with bolts due to his exceptional aim and save her life. But he did no such thing. He watched in the mirror as she was dragged to her knees, her arm yanked out and subjected to the vice-like grip of a Walkers teeth. Her screams seemed to melt into everything else. The sounds of engines and rubber on gravel, the sobs of people sat in the flatbeds of trucks, the gunfire still going on from somewhere, the growling, gurgling and rasping noises of the dead. She was just another noise and for a few seconds, he allowed himself a vengeful satisfaction.

_You got what was coming to you._

* * *

Jess had been in the city for two days and was in the middle of clearing an apartment block to live in. A tall, secure building with small windows and a heavy front door that she struggled to open on her own. Each apartment she’d worked on so far had only contained one walker each and by the end of the first day she had cleared two floors, reinforced the doors and blocked the stairs with shopping carts, boxes and trash to prevent any unwanted visitors from the upper floors without making a hell of a racket.

Re-visiting the Renaissance faire had not only provided her with chain mail that did a good job of protecting her arms and torso while she was checking the rooms of the apartments, she had also gained a bow and arrows, three daggers and a sword that she was still unsure of using, preferring the distance and lightweight ease of the bow over anything that involved too much close combat. She just needed practice, practice at everything. Finding a closet full of Kevlar and a case of handguns and ammo in one of the apartments was even more of a win and she considered that maybe, just maybe, her luck was about to change due to someone’s one upon a lifetime gangster activity.

A camping store was her aim for day three. She watched over it for an hour from the rooftop of a building opposite and saw no obvious signs of danger on the outside. The street was quiet save for two walkers ambling along a couple of blocks away. She was confident she could get in reasonably quietly and without being seen if she managed to gain access to the roof. She pulled her plain, black bandana up over her mouth and nose and set off for the stairs that scaled the side of the building. Aside from not being the nimblest person, she also wished she was a little lighter footed, her new, heavy boots only making her approach seem even louder than it was. When she scuttled along the alley beside the camping store, she raced up to the roof and was surprised to find the door open and a trail of blood drops leading down the concrete stairs inside. She pulled a flashlight from her belt and clicked it on, following the blood but hearing nothing that would indicate the presence of any Walkers. 

At the bottom, she tapped on the metal railing with the handle of one of her daggers. The noise was louder than she expected and even she startled when the clink rang through the open door to the aisles of the store. Nothing, but still, she waited.

_Give it a minute. You’ve got this wrong before._

She swiped at a stray piece of hair that had worked free of her ponytail and slowly shone the flashlight into the store as she crept through the door. Hearing no movement certainly didn’t mean there wasn’t anything inside that could kill her, a lesson learned the hard way when she wandered through the Faire, expecting it to be empty. It wasn’t and she’d left completely exhausted and glad she had Clive's car to drive herself back to the city.

As she started to quietly pick at the shelves and select appropriate clothing for all sorts of weather, her boot hit something in the darkness that felt soft and more human than a fallen backpack. She pointed the light at it and gasped when it moved. It was a man, a live man. He lifted an arm across his face, shielding it from the light. At the end of his arm, was a bloody stump, dressed with thin, bleeding bandages. Jess’s body stilled with shock.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” She whispered.

“Well, I’ll be damned.” The man croaked.

“Merle?!”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Another chapter! :) Thank you for all the comments and the love!

Lucky wasn’t something that Jess considered herself to be. Her life hadn’t been unlucky per se, but if it wasn’t for her determined approach to life, strokes of bad luck would have dragged her down altogether. It had taken the end of the world before it dawned on her that maybe it wasn’t responsible for things that went wrong, it was merely that she’d been unable to see life’s small wins, the glimmers of goodness and positivity that shone through when she was too busy occupying herself with the darkness.

She didn’t know if it was luck that had led her to where she was in the city or if it was down to her own methodical and logical approach of planning and protecting herself. She had managed to part drag, part walk Merle back to her apartment, administer enough painkillers to knock out an Ox and forage for enough food to keep them both going for a comfortable number of weeks. Merle did nothing but sleep for the first four days after Jess had painstakingly sewn his stump up and she was glad for it. She needed the peace after fretting he would die on her in the night and feast on the plump flesh of her legs, turning her into one of the mindless monsters that now roamed the streets. She checked on him religiously and returned from every supply run with caution, her knife drawn and a loud knock at the door before she committed to entering.

Jess was smart, it was no small feat to gather medical supplies and weapons along with setting up for a life of self-sustainability and loneliness, but armed with enough self-belief and her weapons from the Faire, she worked her way around the buildings, using the rooftops as her pathways and dead soldiers and police officers as sources of body armor. She gathered herb cuttings from the balconies of other apartments, seeds for vegetables from a gardening store, buckets, tarp and plastic containers to collect water from precipitation and enough wood to carve arrows for her bow. She spent a large portion of her time in her new living space reading books from the library and trying to retain as much information about survival, self-defense, weapons, basic DIY and tools and hacks from books on doomsday prepping as possible. For Jess, knowledge was most definitely power after being thrust into the apocalypse with next to no useful skills.

After 8 days, her unexpected lodger finally woke from his blurred, meds induced slumber and tried to move around the room. Jess jumped to his aid but he quickly waved her off, the two of them having never spoke more than a few words to one another unless they had no other option. Despite their lack of communication, Jess was sure there was a kind of mutual respect forming between them. Merle had protested very little at everything she’d done for him, accepted her help, her food, her desire to keep him in one place until he recovered enough and he tried to explain as much as he could about how he'd ended up sawing off his own hand. He also never made it a secret that as soon as he was well enough, he would be out of her hair and heading back to the camp to find Daryl. Upon finishing up the stitches on his arm, he had thanked her sincerely and told her she had balls for a little, fat kid. She’d accepted the backhanded compliment with a surprising ease and had to admit that she was impressed by his resilience.

“Gotta stretch my damn legs.” He grumbled as he wandered aimlessly around the room, picking up books and throwing them down again with his one, remaining hand. He studied her weapons, neatly hung on hooks on the wall, her body armor and boots on a coat stand near the door and squinted at the planters that filled the balcony outside. She had left the door open, needing to air the room out and spare herself the agony of breathing in Merle’s thunderous flatulence while he slept. Another one of his redeeming features, she figured. She watched as he swiped up his leather vest and struggled to slip it on over his shoulders without bumping his stump. Jess stood up from her spot on the sofa surrounded by books and took hold of the back of his vest, holding it out so he was able to thread his arm through with ease. He shot her an irritated look but she decided not to react, knowing that accepting help was probably not something he was used to.

When he sat back down on the opposite couch, she grabbed two tumblers and poured him a whiskey before filling her own glass. His eyes widened when he noted the bottle. A Nice, expensive whiskey. The likes that he would have stolen rather than bought from a store back in the day.

“It’s what you came to the city for, right? Booze?” She queried as she passed him the drink.

He accepted gratefully and held the glass up, taking in the deep color of the liquid and the long-missed smell.

“That’s right.” He grinned before knocking the drink back in one go. “Best painkiller out there.”

Jess scoffed and sipped her own drink. She’d never been much of a drinker, especially not hard liquor, but since she’d been in the city, she found herself able to understand a little more of why Merle sought out something mind altering. It was an escape, one in which she needed sometimes, just maybe not as often as someone like Merle Dixon. She lifted a leg and shoved the bottle across the table towards him with her sock-covered toes, signaling for him to have as much as he wanted.

“Get trashed if you want, better you do it here than out there.” She shrugged.

Not about to argue, he quickly poured himself another helping and this time, took his time working though it. Jess could feel his eyes baring into her soul as she skimmed the words on a page of a book she’d opened in her lap. She glanced up and stared right back at him, no longer afraid or intimidated by the old redneck with the cuss-laden vocabulary. If she could haul herself through the woods and get herself into a safe and seemingly maintainable situation in the middle of a walker ridden city, she could deal with Merle.

“That shit about my brother that barbie doll read from ya little diary that day…” He mentioned.

 _Here we go._ She thought.

“…It true?”

Jess slapped the book shut and threw it onto the couch next to her as she lay back and huffed, sending strands of her dark hair billowing into the air above her. 

“Been dying to ask me about that, haven’t you?” She sighed.

“Was on the top of my list of priorities, after not dyin’, of course.” He grinned, swirling his drink around in the glass in front of him. 

She was never a liar. Lies always spiraled into something complicated and regretful. Lies were responsible for many failed friendships and she concluded that even now, at the end of days, lies were still as poisonous as ever. But she also wasn’t about to tell Merle the complete truth about her true feelings for Daryl.

“I like him. But I think I was confusing a connection as friends with something more. I was wrong.”

A throaty chuckle emerged from his throat and for a moment, he winced in pain as if the juddering movement of his body had aggravated the life-changing wound on his arm.

“Shame. Kid could use some action. He’s wound tighter than a monkeys nut.” He quipped. “Can’t recall the last time he got laid. Not that he’d tell me. Always was quieter than a damn mouse about shit.”

Not feeling the need to join him in the direction he wanted to steer the conversation, she just shook her head and smiled at him.

“Barbie, she uh-she tried it with him first, y’know. He turned her down. I was second fiddle but that’s alright with me. Pussy presents its self on a plate n’ who am I to say no?” He said, levelling his gaze at her and carefully observing her reaction. Giving nothing away, she kept her face as nonchalant as possible while her insides churned at the thought of Sarah trying something with Daryl.

“She hit on Daryl, huh?” She asked casually.

“True as i'm sittin' here now. He said no. Might be ‘cause he aint got a scooby what the hell he’s doin’ with the females. Or maybe he was holdin’ out for ya.”

The thought alone made Jess laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. It was outrageous to even consider it now she knew what she knew. Now she’d heard how he really felt.

“Pretty sure he never saw me like that. He made it clear he didn’t give a shit about me” She expressed, finishing her whiskey and contemplating another when Merle snatched the bottle from the table and re-filled his glass. At the rate he was drinking, he’d have the whole bottle down in an hour. Nevertheless, she held out her glass and nodded to it. He dutifully re-filled it and she sat back again.

“One thing I know about my baby brother? He’s always been real off with folks. Don’t trust nobody. No friends, no nothin. But he spent all the hours god gave him with you at that camp. When he found out you’d skedaddled in the small hours, he lost his shit.” He explained with a knowing look on his face which Jess tried to ignore.

“He did, huh?” She mumbled

“Almost shot blondie in the face with a bolt. Got up on his soap box n’ told the whole group what she’s been getting’ up to. Damn good job I don’t blush easy.” He smirked. “He’s lookin’ for ya.”

Jess shook her head again and reached into her pocket, retrieving a packet of cigarettes and throwing them into his lap across the coffee table that divided them. Merle looked down at them in disbelief.

“Don’t look so shocked. I’m a good host.” She quipped.

She’d picked up cigarettes and whiskey for him while sweeping a store for food. She had everything she wanted and needed so far save for a few comforts like ice cream and electricity. So, she figured giving Merle something he would be thankful to have once he woke up was only fair.

“He just feels guilty.” She muttered, dismissing his observation of his younger brother.

“Maybe.” He shrugged as he ripped the pack open, propped a smoke between his lips and rummaged in his jeans for his lighter. He paused before he lit the end, peering at her over the cigarette. She offered him a small nod and picked up a heavy, glass ashtray from the floor and positioned it in the center of the table, gestures that told him she was fine with him smoking in her apartment and were met with an even more surprised expression. He sparked up, sat back and waved the small, white stick around as he spoke.

“Ahh I don’t wanna talk about no sentimental stuff, but the kid liked ya.”

“No, he didn’t.” Jess retorted straight away.

A flash of exasperation flickered across his face and he raised an unimpressed eyebrow.

“Argue all ya want. I practically raised that boy. He’s a little odd but I ain’t never seen him flip his lid like that about some skirt. Should go back n’ find him. Or, let him find you. ‘Cause he will. Could find a flea in a haybale, my brother.”

It was non-negotiable to her. Daryl had made it clear how he felt and she wasn’t about to go back to a place where she was constantly ridiculed and humiliated with no one to step in and defend her. Jess took a gulp of the liquor and winced at the warmth that radiated from her stomach. Whiskey really wouldn’t have been her drink of choice. She wished she’d picked up some rum, or spent the time bothering to find some Sam Adams.

“I’m not going back there. I know you’ll go and find him and you owe me no loyalty, but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell him where I am” She requested.

Merle’s eyes dropped to his glass and then back up to Jess’s waiting face, over and over as he thought over the prospect of withholding important information that Daryl would want to know. Jess knew she was asking a lot of him, but the thought of being found and forced to face what had happened before she’d left, along with the heartbreaking confession from Daryl to Merle about her meaning nothing to him was too much for her to handle. She wanted a new start, alone, with no reliance or ties to anyone. Merle was still glaring at her intermittently but she paid it no mind, figuring she would get her answer soon enough and if she didn’t like it, she would be forced to move on and find somewhere else to live.

“Saved my life.” He mentioned. “Got me booze and smokes. Sewed up my arm. Hell, I’m pretty sure ya had me doped up on some pretty shit hot pain meds these last few days too. I may be from the wrong side of the tracks but I aint no dumbass, sweet cheeks. know when I owe somebody.”

It had never even crossed her mind when she stood in the dark store, gawping down at a bloodied, mutilated and half-dead Merle, that she should just walk away and let him die or kill him herself. Instinct kicked in and she reacted in a calmer, more together way than she had ever done previously, knowing that she had to get him out of there and away from any danger. There was simply no other option. It occurred to her as she was sitting there opposite him that she had already come a long way, she was no longer as scared. She was more accepting of her situation, more tactical and shrewder. Now, more able to survive alone than ever before, simply because she had given herself no other choice. She stifled a small smile when she studied him, looking over his heavily bandaged arm and his bloodstained shirt. She made a mental note to make sure he did some physical therapy and got a new shirt before she let him go anywhere.

“I can’t believe you cut off your hand, you fucking psycho.” She said.

“It was that or be Walker jerky.” He replied.

The two of them giggled and Merle finished his smoke and glass of alcohol while Jess got up and started to prepare him something to eat from the piles of tinned food she’d hoarded. Now, she was providing for two of them for the time being and she’d felt it necessary to stock up. She’d hauled him out from near death, so she wasn’t about to starve the man that had been surprisingly pleasant to her, going against everything she’d expected of him. Maybe, just maybe, there was the same element in Daryl after all. But that no longer mattered to her.

That night, while her houseguest snored noisily on the couch in an alcohol induced coma, Jess settled on her bed and opened her journal. 

_Merle has turned out to be much more personable than I ever imagined. Maybe that’s because I saved his ass. Or, maybe it’s because underneath it all, he’s actually OK as long as you know how to deal with him. I wouldn’t go as far as to say I trust him. But right now, I have the upper hand and he is relying on me to get him well enough to leave and go and find Daryl._

_Daryl. It’s not like I don’t think about him. I do. I do miss him. Or, rather I miss the person I thought he was and I remind myself of what I heard that night. I should have known better, it’s not the first time I developed a crush on somebody that was way out of my league. It’s my frequent reminder not to get attached to anyone, not to feel anything for other people or it will be me that suffers. There are only a few survivors left and I have to look out for myself. It’s been five weeks and I’ve not seen another living soul apart from the alcoholic redneck that sleeps on my couch and stinks to high heaven._

_Besides this, I have set up quite the fortress here, I think I could live here for a long time. That’s if Merle doesn’t tell Daryl where I am. I’ll be forced to move if he does. I don’t want to be found. Just leave me be. This way, I may get physically hurt but I can deal with that, I’m studying books to deal with every possible outcome. But I just can’t handle more emotional turmoil. As much as I miss him._

_I managed to get a punchbag from one of the other apartments in the building along with some weights. I intend to train and improve my stamina, heaven knows when I’m going to have to run and keep running, so I intend to be ready for anything. The herbs are taking and the bell peppers I planted on the roof are well on their way. So far, I’m doing well. I just can’t figure out how to get rid of the Walker behind the grate in the elevator shaft on the first floor. But he’s not a problem right now. His cage keeps him contained and some days I even wonder if he can hear me when I sit on the steps and tell him about my day._

_Maybe I am going crazy._

* * *

Daryl had been looking for Sophia for hours. Days actually, but on this one particular occasion, in the blistering sun atop of a nervous horse that had bolted at the sound of a Walker and sent him tumbling down a hill into a watery area below, he was sure he’d had better days and was seriously rethinking his belief in Sophia still being alive. But still he pressed on, even injured at the bottom of a ravine, his eyes fluttered open in the stark light of the sun and his body thrummed with pain, but he managed to get up, treat his wounds and carry on.

_God damn horse._

Where he got his strength and determination, he wasn’t sure but he could only really credit his terrible home life and childhood for instilling a kind of armor around him. A protective wall that he never let anyone pass. Surviving was second nature to him; he simply didn’t know any other way to be. Sophia was a child, alone in the walker-filled woods and Daryl couldn’t help but think of the time when he had found himself lost, back in the days when Walkers were something one only saw in a horror movie. He was merely a child and was missing for eleven days. Little did his father know, Daryl eventually found his own way home, wandered into the kitchen and fixed himself a sandwich like nothing had happened. It was Daryl’s way, even back then, he relied on no one by himself and as the years passed, he still lived by the same rule; just get on with it.

Of course, nothing was ever easy anymore and his departure from the ravine was trickier than he’d planned. Reaching the top by literally dragging his bleeding body through the mud and shoving away hallucinations of his brother, ridiculing him for not making any effort to find him. He had to keep telling himself it was down to him hitting his head and not insanity creeping in. Slumped onto the flat woodland ground, he was never more grateful to see even terrain before. He glanced down at the state of his body, a broken bolt in his side from the fall sent spikes of pain through his veins that turned his stomach and blurred his vision. His head thudded back onto the mud as he took a minute to compose himself and figure out how he was going to get to his feet with his side impaled by a piece of wood.

“So, you can teach me not to die but you can’t quite manage it yourself, huh?”

Jess’s voice made his eyes snap open and he frantically scanned the area around him, seeing nothing but trees until she stepped out from behind a tree, her pretty smile broad and her clothes clean.

“Jess?” He croaked.

“Time to get up, sleepy head.” She instructed, crossing her arms. Daryl noticed her woolen sweater looked brand new, her hair was shiny and well-conditioned, her skin was clean.

“I-I tried to find you.” He rasped, sitting up and sucking a sharp breath in through his teeth when the pain rampaged through his nerves.

“Took a bolt to the side for the girl, but you just gave up on me.” She pointed out.

Daryl’s sweaty brow furrowed when he peered up at her as the sun shot out from behind her, silhouetting her in the light until she was gone. He quickly checked over his shoulders and rubbed at his face.

“Jess?”

Nothing. She wasn’t really there. Nothing more than a mirage, a figment of his imagination and most likely a result of a hard knock to the head. Seeing her again made his heart hurt regardless of if she was real or not. He missed her and the burden of ceasing to look for her after finding her note was now weighing even heavier on his shoulders. His hands fell to his sides, clawing up clumps of the dirt as he drew in a deep breath and pushed through the pain of getting to his feet.

* * *

Carol rapped softly on the door before turning the handle and quietly gliding inside. The tray in her hand contained soup and water that she’d prepared after hearing that Daryl was refusing food and just wanted to get patched up and back out into the woods. Carol hadn’t ever felt gratitude like it, nor had she ever been so surprised at one person’s sheer selflessness. Her child had been missing for days and Daryl had worked tirelessly, relentlessly and without any decent rest in order to find her. She didn’t know if he was harboring some kind of guilt over Jess and his brother, but as long as he was using it to find her little girl, she couldn’t complain. That was until now, until he’d almost died in the process.

The room was dim, the drapes drawn and the surfaces dusty from neglect. Daryl lay facing away from her, his side sporting a large square of gauze and bandages. Every part of his exposed skin was covered in scars, Carol could see that some of them were new, from the past day. But some, the largest ones were at least a decade old and her chest constricted with thoughts of the violence that she had known and how it could cause such trophies of trauma upon a person’s skin.

Placing the tray on the nightstand, she leaned over him and tenderly kissed the side of his head. Initially, he recoiled but she knew why and waited until he relaxed and let her offer her small token of appreciation and affection. He rolled over slightly, able to catch her eye for a moment and seeing them filled with worry. She sat on the edge of the bed.

“I couldn’t go look for Merle.” He whispered. “Gave up on Jess. Can’t find Sophia neither. Fuckin’ useless.”

Having known him only a few months, it was enough for her to come to the conclusion that Daryl was not like other people. On the outside, he was hostile but inside, he was sensitive, shouldering blame for deaths and caring so deeply about others that it ate away at him when they lost someone. But Daryl never spoke about it, preferring instead to internalize it all and simmer away, alone at the edge of the camp while glaring at the others and trying to understand how they could be so open and free with their emotions. Daryl never uttered a word about his feelings. That was, unless it was to Carol.

He couldn’t figure out exactly when it was that they’d become close but he suspected that his loss of Jess and Merle and Carol’s husband being turned by Walkers had somehow brought them together. He knew she was a broken soul, just as he was but neither of them needed to discuss it. Out of everyone, Carol was the one that seemed to understand him the most without even trying.

“No, Daryl. You did more for my little girl today than her daddy did in her entire life.” She promised.

He continued to look at her, saying nothing but speaking volumes with his expression. He was tired, almost defeated and knew that she would manage to say something to quell the exhausting guilt in his heart.

“And Jess… she didn’t want to be found.” She added.

Daryl resumed his previous position, fluffing up the pillows under his head and settling down.

“How are you feeling?” She asked.

“Like Andrea shot me.” He grunted.

An unfortunate accident it may have been, but Andrea’s trigger-happy attitude from the RV that evening had left Daryl in the dirt with a bullet graze to his temple and in his delirious state, he was unable fathom exactly what had happened. Carol thought it was no wonder Andrea had mistaken him for a Walker after he’d staggered from the trees, covered in dirt and mud, snarling at everyone with a crazed look in his eye. A split-second decision was all it took and as luck had it, Andrea was still a bad shot with a rifle.

“You need to recover before you go back out there. I know you; you’ll want to push it. You almost got yourself killed. Took a bolt and a bullet today, all for Sophia. I can’t even begin to thank you.” She confessed.

“Don’t want no thanks.” He dismissed “I didn’t do nothin’ that Rick or Shane wouldn’t have done.”

Carol scoffed from behind him, rendering his last sentence as complete rubbish.

“I don’t see them laying in a bed with a hole in their sides. You’re every bit as good as them. Every bit.” She affirmed.

A silence from him told her it was her time to depart, pushing Daryl too much was likely to result in him lashing out, especially when she considered his current state of mind along with the fact that he was physically exhausted. She got to her feet and tapped the glass on the tray, the ringing of her nails on the glass reminding him that she wanted him to eat and drink something. In the doorway, she paused when she heard him speak again.

“Sophia, she's out there, I know it. I found her doll” He murmured.

“Maybe. Maybe Jess is too.” She suggested. “You can admit it, y’know”

He rolled onto his back, craning his neck to see her stood half in, half out of the room with her arms wrapped around herself.

“Admit what?”

“That you miss her. I know you two were good friends.” It was a hazardous approach for Carol to take due to her knowledge of his reluctance to talk about Jess. Every time someone mentioned her name his temper flared and he wasted no time in reminding everyone that she was probably dead and that they shouldn’t bother talking about her anymore. Carol knew it was a defense mechanism and in true Daryl form, his rage expelled its self in a series of abusive and offensive remarks.

“Aint gotta admit shit. Leave me alone.” He grunted.

“OK, but just eat something. Please. Or you won’t have the strength to get out of bed, let alone pick up that crossbow.”

With that, she left the room and closed the door behind her. A few hours sleep and some kind of sustenance would undoubtedly help his mood a little, but she wasn’t betting on him becoming a ray of sunshine anytime soon. She knew he had a better version of himself inside, but the loss of his friend and brother had began to chip away at it, eroding it day by day and she worried that eventually, there would be nothing left.

* * *

A month had passed and Jess was sitting on the steps of the stairwell in her apartment block. She now had free reign of the entire building, every dwelling now empty and safe thanks to her tireless efforts to secure the building and ensure she had enough space to keep any supplies she might need. Her days had become routine, but she liked it that way. The mornings consisted of rising from her bed at sunrise and heading up to the next floor, where she had turned an elderly couples’ home into a gym. An hour’s rigorous exercise a day and a limited diet had seen her weight drop drastically over the four weeks she had been in residence and she was now confident she could run a life-saving distance without stopping at least. Late mornings were spent tending to the growing vegetables and herbs and checking the main street below for any swellings in the number of Walkers. If there was, she would make her way across the rooftops to the other side of town, where she would set off firecrackers or make enough noise to wake the dead all over again in order to draw them away and set them on a different path that didn’t include gathering outside her new home. In the afternoons, she scavenged and spent some time carving arrows on the steps with Ben- The Walker trapped in the elevator shaft. He wore a janitor’s uniform with his name embroidered on one side. She waffled on as if they were two best friends in a bar, telling him about her day and even regaling him with tales from comic cons and her opinions on the best beers in Texas. The evenings consisted of rooftop target practice and tedious conversations with Merle while she aided him with his physical therapy. He complained non-stop, telling her that he didn’t believe in all her ‘therapy shit’ and that he would be just fine without it. Eventually, he yielded and allowed her to help him with the advice of yet more books from the library.

Ben swayed back and forth as she held up an arrow for him to see, although she wasn’t quite sure if he could really see anything. More that he just seemed to know she was there with whatever part of his brain was still active enough to make him walk and want to eat people.

“I’m getting pretty good at this.” She mused with a smile. Ben reached through the elevator grate, his purple fingers with snapped nails grasping at her hand holding the arrow. She quickly snatched it away and slid the arrow into her quiver before standing up and throwing it over one shoulder. Her daily supply run had taken longer than usual after she ran into some unsavory undead in a camping store while trying to bring back more gas canisters. She had returned with her prize but decided to take some time to herself to carve some arrows before she had to endure Merle’s uncomfortable stare and chain smoking.

“Later, dude.” She said to Ben over her shoulder as she stomped up the steps to her front door. She stopped when she noticed the note pinned to the wood.

_‘Gone to find my brother. Took some food and meds. Thanks, Sugar tits. M.’_


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you all for the looooove <3 I promise to try and reply to all comments as soon as I can. I've been trying to get this next chapter out as I've had a bit of writer's block recently. I've literally posted this without a proper proof read so as usual i'll correct as I go along. Apologies for any off-putting mistakes. I didn't want to leave it any longer!

Human nature. With all its complexities and flaws, was now the one thing that presided over a land filled with the dead. True human nature, in it’s most naked, exposed and unapologetic form was now both the best and worst of the world. Jess had seen the best and worst of it from her spot in the city and had managed to live, unnoticed by any survivors passing through. She’d witnessed grown men put themselves in harms way, sacrificing themselves to save children too slow and small to keep up the running pace of the adults in their group as she’d watched from her perch on the corner of the roof. In contrast, she’d stared in horror as another group simply tossed a woman out of a truck like last night’s burger wrapper, onto the street in order to slow down a small herd. She’d been bitten before Jess could grab her bow and race down the stairs. In an act of mercy that allowed her to prove to herself that she was still on the good side of human nature, she’d shot the woman in the head from the roof with a well-placed arrow and spent all night replaying the look of pure terror etched onto the stranger’s face.

Yes, human nature was complicated and destructive, inspiring and devastating. A double-edged sword. Jess was better off on her own, that much was true, but she did miss the conversation, the debate, the ideas swapping over hot chocolates and the late-night hilarity that came from a few glasses of beer and games of pool in a bar. Those days were gone and now all she had in the way of company was a reanimated dead body at the bottom of the elevator shaft and a huge, stuffed bear wearing an army jacket that now took up it’s place opposite her on the roof, a stale birthday cake waited to be devoured between them on an upturned, wooden box.

“Well, Sgt Pepper. Looks like it’s just you and I celebrating another trip around the sun.” she commented as she held her glass aloft.

Merle had finished off all the whiskey and she knew better than to go scrounging for more. It wasn’t a necessity and she wasn’t about to get herself killed for a bout of nausea and a fuzzy head the next day.

The bear was tatty, threads pulled from his ears and his jacket splattered with dried blood. Jess found him in the next apartment block where he’d been positioned proudly on the pillow of a perfectly made bed in a room decorated for that of a young adult. On the floor were three bodies, two adults and a girl around 13 years old. Jess carefully nudged each one with her foot as she passed. The bullet holes in their heads told her that they hadn’t turned and like many of the people that chose to remain in the city, they thought suicide to be a better prospect than the exhausting slog to survive day by day. It hurt Jess’s heart to think that some souls felt there was no other way, but it wasn’t an option she could say she hadn’t considered at least once while she resided in her fortress of loneliness.

It was a no brainer to her. She had to leave with that bear. He reminded her so much of her own childhood companion, jacket and all. Her father had gifted it to her and during every tour and every training exercise, she found comfort in the military bear that she had dubbed ‘Sgt Pepper’. Aware that if any other survivors were passing through and saw her, she would look positively ridiculous, scurrying across the rooftops with a huge stuffed animal under her arm. But just as before the turn, she wasn’t going to change who she was to suit anyone else. Especially not in the apocalypse.

 _“You say it's your birthday”_ She sang at the bears pinned and permanent smile. She sipped the soda in the glass and slapped her other hand on her thigh to create a beat. _“It's my birthday too, yeah”_. She paused, looking up at Sgt Pepper as if his plastic eyes would change their expression and for a fleeting second, she was disappointed when they remained exactly the same. She raised the glass to him for a second time. _“They say it's your birthday, we’re gonna have a good time”_ She thudded the glass on the box and began to pluck at imaginary guitar strings, closing her eyes and leaning to one side. _“I'm glad it's your birthday, Happy birthday to you!”_ The Beatles were her favourite band ever since she was a child and that was not something that was going to change just because they and their audience weren't around anymore. Jess was still there and as long as she was, so was her love of their music. She'd found headphones while scavenging, even and old portable CD player, but her rule of keeping a clear head and always being aware of her surroundings meant that the headphones went untouched and she was reduced to singing to herself to stave off the boredom and silence. It wasn't a problem to her, she knew all of the lyrics anyway and there was no one but Ben and Sgt Pepper to complain about it.

Her eyes lowered to the dried birthday cake. Three, colored, marzipan Balloons floated across the top and the rim was adorned with cracked and discolored frosting. The chances of a strong bout of stomach cramps after consuming it were high, but it was her birthday and she was going to have a damn cake if she wanted to. A single candle flame flickered in the center of the off-white frosting and as she blew it out, she wished that she would survive long enough to see mother nature take back the earth. To reclaim what was hers and what was destroyed by the arrogance of human nature. She wanted to see vines and branches seep into the cracks of buildings, pulling them apart and turning them into a ghostly mirage of what once was. But through it all, she wanted to be around, content and safe and able to live into her old age while still being the survivor she had realized she really was.

She also wished for something else; that one day, Daryl would know how much he inspired her. If nothing else, she wanted that for him. Without his guidance, his training and his words, she was certain she would be dead. He may have broken her heart, but at one point, somewhere in between all the angst and anger, he believed in her. She regretted not writing it in the note she left pinned to the tree but time was of the essence and she had to think quickly. Now, when she thought back to the good times spent tracking and hunting in the woods, putting Walkers down and making fun of one another, it made her smile. A smile that was not through genuine happiness. Far from it. It was a smile of sadness for times that she desperately missed. But they were times of blissful ignorance of how he really felt, times based on a lie. She pressed her eyes shut and quickly shook the thoughts from her head. She watched the thin, sliver of smoke drift up from the wick. Picking up a plastic fork, she stabbed the cake and shoveled a large piece of the sponge into her mouth. Wincing at the dryness, she chewed and swallowed hard. It was like eating sand.

“Happy fuckin’ birthday to me.” She sighed.

She had resorted to guessing the time of day by using a sundial or her hands against the horizon from the roof. Her knowledge of such historical practices had proved to be invaluable and she now appreciated her interests much more than she ever did before the turn. The night was creeping in, dulling the view from the roof and creating a cold sting in the air. There was just enough time for some target practice.

The streets below the apartment were far from clear. Walkers milled in and our of side streets and alleys, some amassed in the middle of the road and if it wasn’t for Jess’s diversion tactics from time to time, she was sure the street she lived on would be clogged with festering corpses by now. Fireworks were usually the best, she’d found. They seemed to like fireworks. The dreamer in her liked to think that maybe the noise and the colors stirred something deep inside their mainly inoperative brains, some kind of distant memory of 4th July firework shows or new year celebrations. But the realist side of her knew differently. Now, they were even lower than most animals, driven to move by sounds but completely devoid of thought or any type of feeling. Just shells.

She picked up her bow and slid on her bracers as she approached the small wall that lined the edge of the roof. The faint murmur of the odd, swaying Walker was the only sound that rose from the scene below. Taking a peek over the edge, she nodded in approval at the numbers.

“That’ll do.” She said to herself before picking up a small, children’s chalkboard that rested against the inside of the wall. Her eyes flickered over the names on the list, selecting the first one and shuffling forwards to get into position.

“OK, Madonna. Are you out tonight?”

With one foot placed in front of the other, her body turned and her stance strong, she raised the bow and nocked an arrow. She smiled when she noticed her. A blonde woman with wavy, hair wearing what appeared to be a thin, satin nightgown. She wasn’t as designer clad as the real thing, but she would suffice as a target. She drew the bows string back and exhaled slowly as she took aim. The Arrow embedded in the side of the Walkers head as if it was nothing but a bag of sand and she hit the floor, causing the others around her to start shuffling towards her.

“Oof!” She exclaimed with a fist pumped in the air. “That one was a ten pointer. Sorry, Madonna.” She marked her score on the chalk board next to the name and checked her next target.

_Sarah._

It was now a habit, each time she re-filled the board with names, Sarah and Jodie’s would always be mixed in somewhere. Jess was never one to remain bitter or hold grudges, too many so-called friends had come and gone over the years to make sure she’d got used to it. But she was also never one to not make an exception for some things. When she was feeling low and having a bad day, the list of names on the board changed and she wondered at one point if she should indulge in an ‘abhorrent people target practice day’ once a week, where Sarah and Jodie’s names could mingle with the likes of Hitler, Robert Mugabe and Vlad the Impaler. But it was yet to happen because she wasn’t bitter. Not at all. Or, so she told herself as she chose a doppelganger of Sarah and took aim. 

* * *

Ben was hanging on the bars of the elevator gate when she descended the stairs, his arms were loosely draped through the gaps and his face was pushed against the cold metal. She lifted a hand in acknowledgement before sitting down on the bottom step in front of him and seeing him try to reach out to her. She held her hand out, gently tickling his grasping, blackened fingertips in what could have been seen as a gesture of affection.

“Hey dude. So, my birthday cake tasted like feet but it was one hell of a pity party you missed.”

The sound of her voice was like fuel for Ben. He instantly began to clamber up from his spot, hanging through the gate and started to snarl at her, his mouth hanging open and his teeth bared.

“Not that I know what feet taste like.” She added, her eyes locking on his now cloudy, pale and blinded orbs. “I guess you might though. Depending on how long you’ve been locked in there.”

Stepping back, Ben’s arms dropped from the grate and he stumbled backwards, his body hitting the back of the elevator and causing it to shake. A slight jingle caught her attention and she froze, straining her ears. As he moved back towards her, his pocket gave off a tinkling sound and Jess quickly put the pieces of the puzzle together. Many a week had passed when she’d been sitting on that same step engrossed in a one-way conversation with the dead man trapped inside his cell. Sometimes she even contemplated if he really would try to hurt her if she managed to somehow release him from the confined space he occupied. But then she reminded herself of her own naivety and how that kind of thinking could get her killed. Ben was a Walker. A mindless, stinking, lump of useless flesh but still a predator in his own right. 

“You have the god damn keys to the elevator in your pocket, don’t you?” She asked him.

He stilled and her eyebrows raised. She knew better than to think he could understand her, but it was strange nonetheless. The keys would change everything. She could get him out of there and actually make use of him. She sprang up from her spot.

“I have an idea. Wait here.” She told him. After striding up two steps she rolled her eyes and sighed at her own stupidity.

_Like he’s going to go anywhere._

When she returned, she placed her supplies in front of her; a cylindrical block of wood with a dish cloth tightly wound around it, attached at either end to a string of thick, rubber bands, a hockey mask and a length of rope tied into a slipknot. Another one of her skills acquired from the thousands of books she had now amassed in her apartment. She paced back and forth for a few moments, observing how Ben followed her every move from behind the barrier like a magnet. Although she was almost certain he was blind, he was completely obsessed with her and she huffed with amusement when she figured that he was only guy that had ever been obsessed with her…and he was dead.

She picked up the block of wood and tilted her head to the side, it would fit through the gaps perfectly but her task was not going to be easy. Her left arm was covered with three, thick layers of tape, strapped over a Kevlar sleeve and glove in case Ben fancied a snack halfway through his rescue mission. She was now glad of her forethought. She threaded her arm through the grid, silently and without rattling the metal. Ben, who could detect no sound whatsoever, merely peered around through his useless eyes as she used her armor covered hand to quickly grasp the back of his head. He jolted and began to gnash at her, the sounds bubbling up from his throat as his lips parted provoking a rush of bile from her own stomach. She couldn’t have prepared for the smell or the sound of liquidated, rotting human organs no matter how much she knew about Walkers. She snapped his head back as he grabbed a hold of her police issue vest and dragged her forwards, slamming her body against the gate. With her other hand, she managed to wedge the piece of wood so far between his jaws that they became locked in position. She quickly stretched the string of bands over his head, creating a most macabre and brutal gag but an effective one regardless.

He thrashed and growled, throwing himself at the gate over and over until Jess was able to shove a hand into his pocket and pull out the biggest bunch of keys she had ever seen. Her heart dropped as she stepped back and sat down, the racket of Ben desperately trying to get to her now drowned out by just how many keys she had to contend with.

“Guys got the keys to every lock in the city on here.” She mumbled.

She began sorting through them, checking the branding on the lock and looking for a match. She must have gone through at least twenty keys before she stopped and pinched one particular one between her fingers. She looked up at the lock again.

“Nova” She whispered.

The key boasted the exact same branding. She stood up, moved closer to the lock and slid the key into the chamber. Holding onto the gate as tightly as she could, she gently and quietly turned the key, a subtle _click_ made her smile. She’d found it. The whole time he’d been locked inside, Ben possessed the key to his freedom all along. At first, she didn’t know if someone else had thrown him in there but now it was evident; he’d been bitten and locked himself in.

“That was noble of you. But this is my apartment complex now and you’re going to earn your keep.” She quipped, swiping up the hockey mask and rope from the floor. She shoved the mask under her arm and released the lock, slowly sliding the gate back. The rattling noise sent Ben into a frenzy and he collided with the gap she’d created in the gate with such force that she doubted her ability to follow through with her plan for a moment. She took a deep breath, reached into the gap and snapped the mask over his gagged face. Next, she threw the rope around his neck and pulled it tight before throwing the gate open.

He threw himself at her, knocking the mask against the side of her face while she tried to tighten her grip on the rope enough to keep his head away from hers.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m pleased to see you too buddy.” She remarked.

Ben couldn’t have been more than 30 years old when he was alive and Jess gathered that even thought he was now deceased and extremely dangerous, he was once a good-looking guy. She felt a pang of sympathy for such a wasted life. But what else was left to hang around for? The experience of wresting the undead from elevators and up the stairs to a roof wasn’t one she’d wish on anyone else. By the time she’d maneuvered him to the top of the steps and shoved open the heavy, metal door to the roof, he’d quieted considerably. Jess knew Walkers didn’t get tired; they no longer possessed the brain capacity to register fatigue. Nor were they able to come to the conclusion that something wasn’t worth the trouble. She didn’t know why he became more compliant, but she certainly wasn’t about to complain.

Tying him to a pipe inside a ramshackle, wooden shed. She stood back and looked him over, pleased with her efforts and feeling triumphant at the result. She now had a moving target, a sparring partner and little did Ben know; he was about to become her Sensei.

* * *

She’d lost track of time. It had been months, she knew that to be a fact, but just how many had escaped her. Her need to journal would have helped keep tabs on just how long she’d been housed in the apartment block in the city, but she had Sgt Pepper and Ben and she chattered away to them without a care in the world, dispelling her darkest fears and her inner, most private thoughts. There wasn’t a need to write everything down anymore, not in a world where no one and everyone was listening all at once. If she tried to guess, she looked at her crops which filled the balcony and most of the rooftop, they were huge, prospering in the summertime and struggling during the winter. But they still existed she thought it had maybe been close to a year that she’d lived alone.

People below had come and gone. Rarely was it that anyone would try her apartment. If they did, they found it to be locked up tighter than a secret military camp and soon moved on when they realized the noise and time it would take to enter such a building while surrounded by Walkers just wasn’t worth it. In so many months she had uttered hardly a word to anyone but Merle, who’s absence was felt much greater than she ever would have expected or would care to admit.

Training with Ben was one of life’s perks, she enjoyed experiencing the change in not only her body, but her mind as she jabbed and kicked her way into a full, self-defense skill set using a dead guy as her fake attacker. She goaded him, riled him up until he would lunge at her and swipe with his arms and kick out with his legs. His hands constantly grabbed for her, the need to taste human flesh far too great for him to ignore. But Ben could only go as far as his leash allowed and his hockey mask was eventually replaced each evening before he was led back to his shack.

Gunfire interrupted one sparring session during a hot, summers evening and Jess’s head snapped around while the rest of her body completely froze. Ben also stilled and started to jolt and snarl at the source of the bangs. It was close, much too close for comfort. She wiped the sweat from her brow and eyes and crept to the edge of the roof, her heart almost stopped at the view below.

_Is that a…a TANK?!_

Driving towards her corner apartment block with a speed that couldn’t be easily stopped, was an M1 Abrams Tank. Jess had seen them many times before, a sight that Army brats tended to get used to. It was flanked by a dozen, heavily armed men with their weapons pointed at the door to her block. Her chest constricted when she heard them start to jeer and her eyes clocked another vehicle turn a corner at the top of the street. A large, black truck that was equipped with an animal cage on the flatbed. Inside the cage, was a screaming woman. She scanned each face as quickly as she could. Blackened teeth. Then, she observed their hands and movements. Tremors. Poor coordination. She’d read about the depths some humans would reach on the moral scale in a post-apocalyptic situation. Fear raged through her body and she stumbled back when the tank collided with the door on the ground floor.

_I have to get out of here._

The building shook and she whirled around, her mind racing and her heart hammering. Adrenaline began to surge through her veins, urging her to remove herself from the threat. She grabbed Ben’s rope and sprinted to the roof door. Dragging him down the steps, sweat trickled into her eyes and she cursed the timing of the attack above all things.

_Could have waited until training was over. Jesus._

Crashing through the door to her apartment, she fastened Ben’s rope to the radiator and he thrashed and clawed at her as she dashed around the living space, filling her bag with handguns and supplies. She quickly slipped on anything Kevlar or armored she could find and collected what seemed like millions of arrows from almost every room. Now, there was shouting ringing out from the floors below.

“Place is cleared. Someone lives here, keep searching!” ordered a man’s voice that she could just about make out as a muffled sound through the floorboards. They were on the floor below. She had to be fast. Now wasn’t the time for sentiment, now, she had to be practical, smart and stealthy. She threw the backpack she’d lifted from yet another dead policeman onto her back, the barrels of the guns inside poked at her back but she paid it no mind as she collected her primary weapon, her bow from the hook on the back of the front door. A machete nudged against her leg as she walked, pinned there by the loop on its handle around the belt loop on her pants. She quickly freed it, clutching it in her hand as she adjusted her backpack. She stopped and looked at Ben.

He was glaring at her with his white eyes in the middle of the room, his rope was pulled taut and his neck tendons protruded. His hands were locked out in front of him with his fingers fanned out. She could hear the men clearly now, they were on the other side of the door and with every harsh bang of the wood in the frame, her heart jumped. She closed the gap between her and the corpse. Taking hold of one of his hands but not allowing him to pull her any closer. She gradually shifted his position in the room and gently squeezed his fingers.

“Don’t let me down” She whispered.

She raised the machete, sliced through his rope and ripped the wooden gag from his mouth. Then, she turned on her heels, taking hold of the window frame and diving through the gap. Outside, she slammed the window shut and watched as Ben’s hands slapped against the glass.

“Slow ‘em down, buddy. Thanks for the lessons.” She smiled.

* * *

Daryl chewed his bottom lip as he adjusted his position on the rickety, prison mattress. His back was pressed against the wall and no matter how hard he tried, she couldn’t shake the thought that of all the places the group could have ended up, a prison had to be one of them. He hated being forced to sleep in a cage and live behind heavy, clanking doors. Even the sound of Rick’s keys irritated him. Rick, the leader. Rick the prison guard.

He wasn’t a regular at the Georgia Department of Corrections like his brother. But he’d been on the wrong side of the law just enough to know what staring at the same four walls, sitting at the same metal table and taking a dump in the same room that you sleep in was like. Charges for drug possession and fighting were hardly the kind of things he wanted to share with the rest of the group and so, he kept himself to himself, merely stating that he’d rather sleep outside of the cells. That was when he slept at all.

In his hands, he held a newly carved bolt for his crossbow. His ability to make them had improved some over the months and it was now second nature to him to create as many as possible while sat around, babysitting his brother who was locked in the cell opposite him.

Merle hadn’t managed to track Daryl down since leaving the city. Instead, he’d come across another group of survivors led by a callous psychopath and had slotted perfectly into his role as the main foot soldier. Everything had been fine and dandy for Merle at first, he was given a metal prosthetic arm with a removable bayonet attachment which meant he was never short of a weapon against the undead. He had a roof over his head, food in his belly and medicine at his disposal. Above all else, he had a purpose, a job that he did well and with gusto. That was, until Daryl appeared in front of him. The Atlanta groups run in with the Governor and his community has resulted in a lot of pain, injuries, fear and grudges, some of it at the hands of Merle, who was at the center of it all, but he was Daryl’s blood and he had made it clear that now they were together again, he would not be parted from Merle again. Initially, the two of them left the group and headed into the woods, but things were not as they used to be. Daryl had changed and with it, Merle felt outcast, even from the lifelong bond the two of them had shared since Daryl had entered the world as a sensitive and observant child. Merle quickly realized that Daryl had a code that he stuck by no matter what. A code that meant others were put before himself which infuriated and baffled Merle. A fight in the woods revealed a childhood trauma that they both shared, much to Merle’s surprise. He was aware that Daryl was a witness to violence in their household, but the extent of which was only evident upon a scuffle in which Daryl’s shirt was ripped, revealing deep, scarred lacerations to his skin. Then, everything changed.

Daryl made it clear that he was going back to the prison. Back to the group he belonged with and Merle had the choice to either walk away or try to make nice with the others. Being parted from his little brother for a second time was the less favorable option and so, Merle decided to tag along with Daryl. Upon their arrival at the fences, they found the place under attack from Walkers and although Merle helped to save lives, he was still bundled into a cell and scowled at by every other member of the group. No one had forgotten the things he had done and no one was about to forgive and forget.

“The hell were ya doin, running with that psycho?” Daryl asked.

Merle was leaning on the bars, his good hand smoothing a thumb around the edging of his prosthetic stump. His hooded, weathered eyes fixed on his brother. He found it difficult to believe that someone could change as much as Daryl had. He saw him, carrying out orders for Rick, going out on runs alone, doing as he was told. It was unlike the Daryl he’d grown up with, yet he’d always known that his baby brother was more emotionally driven than he had ever been.

“Everybody’s a psycho now, little brother. Everybody’s got a gun, a kill number and a big ol’ chip on their shoulder. Hell, I’d be more worried if some sommbitch walked up to me with his mitts in his pockets.” He reasoned with a small shrug.

Daryl shook his head in disbelief at his brother’s casual attitude to his actions. Merle was never one to take responsibility for anything, least of all his misgivings. Apparently, the end of the world hadn’t changed that in him.

“They ain’t never gonna trust ya, ya know that, right?” Daryl confirmed.

“Yeah, I know.” Merle agreed with a hint of exasperation in his voice. Daryl went back to carving his bolts, slicing through thin pieces of wood with his sharp hunting knife. “I don’t know why I do the things I do. I’m a damn mystery to me.” Merle added.

Daryl scoffed and glanced up from his task.

“You’re a dumb ass, man.” He mumbled.

They both huffed in amusement and Merle couldn’t help but revisit the last few months and how he’d come to be locked up in a cell, even after everyone died and started eating one another. Was this really where he was meant to be? Maybe he was bad through and through, just like their daddy used to say. Maybe he didn’t deserve any more chances after the one he’d been given in the city. Then, he remembered her. Jess. 

“Remember the little, fat chick from the quarry?” He asked.

Daryl's body tensed and his eyes slowly worked back up from his bolt. He remembered her. Of course, he did. He thought about her every single day, especially when he closed his eyes at night. He wished he could wake up one day and she’d just be there, having never ran away. He remembered her because she was the only person he’d managed to connect with in his entire, sorry life.

“What ‘bout her?” he rasped.

“I seen her” Merle stated, his expression becoming smug as he straightened up and tilted his head back, looking down his nose at Daryl.

“She’s alive?!” Daryl exclaimed as he sat up to gain a better view of his brother’s expression. It was not lost on him that this could all be a lie to get him out of the cell.

“Was a few months back, mind. But yeah, all in one piece.” Merle told him.

Daryl stood up, dropping his knife and bolt and slowly approaching the cell door.

“Where is she?” he wanted to know.

Merle grunted and rubbed his face as he watched Daryl’s entire demeanor change. He was becoming irritated at the lack of information and it was apparent to Merle that Jess meant something to him, after all.

“Asked me to keep my mouth shut about that part.”

With his teeth locked together and his breathing increasing, Daryl began to stalk back and forth in front of the cell door, his boots scuffing on the smooth surface of the floor. He no longer thought it was a lie. He knew well enough that Jess would have made herself known if she wanted to, especially by then. After all, he found a note to prove it.

“She don’t wanna be found, kid. Let it go.” Merle added.

He stopped his pacing and let out a loud sigh. This kind of discussion was rare for the Dixons, it involved a degree of emotion and honestly which was something Merle didn’t seem to possess and Daryl managed to hide extremely well. Until the mention of her name.

“She doin OK?” He questioned “Least tell me that much. Please”

“She’s good. She’s real smart.” Merle nodded.

Picking up a pile of previously carved arrows from a table, Daryl began to sift through them with his fingertips. It looked to Merle like he was counting them, but he knew Daryl better than he knew himself. He was using them as a distraction. Merle didn’t even flinch when Daryl angrily threw the handful of wood onto the floor, the sound was like a million pencils falling from a table and rolling across the ground.

“Just tell me where she is!” Daryl raged.

Merle couldn’t help it when the corners of his mouth lifted into a small smile.

“Ooof! You got it bad, huh, boy?”

“Shut up.” Daryl hissed, turning his back and trying to calm himself. His shoulders heaved as he breathed. “I’m your fuckin’ brother” He muttered, hearing a rasped growl from behind him. A glance over his shoulder told him that Merle did really want to tell him as he witnessed him lean his head on the bars and close his eyes.

“I owe her, OK? She did right by me. Mans only as good as his word.” Merle explained.

Daryl spun around, his face now enraged and reddening fast, his eyes were filled with the kind of anger that Merle had usually only seen when the two of them fought and it was never the same kind of rage that presented its self in a fight with anyone else. It was different. It was real.

“Word?! _WORD?!_ You can’t be fuckin’ serious! Your word counts for shit, Merle! You tortured Glenn and Maggie so don’t start pretendin’ you’re some good guy, ya aint!” Daryl yelled.

“I ain’t no good guy but I got a code. Just like you.” Merle retorted.

Stooping down to collect his arrows, Daryl knew he had to remove himself from the building or he would end up strangling the truth out of his own brother. With all of the arrows gripped in his hand, he pointed them at Merle and narrowed his gaze.

“If they wanna starve ya, I’mma let ‘em. If they wanna tourture ya, I’mma walk away. I ain’t doin’ nothin’ for ya until ya tell me where Jess is. They can keep ya in that damn cage for all I care.”

Before he could think of an answer, Merle was left alone in the room with nothing but the fading echo of the door slamming for company.

* * *

Jess was running for so long that her feet were staring to burn and her knees were seizing up. She needed to stop somewhere and rest but being snared by the group of men with the black teeth and the woman in the cage was a thought that struck pure terror into her soul. She was sure she’d rather be eaten by Walkers than trapped with such a group. She’d stayed away from any roads, trekking through woodland and climbing over fences to remain undetected. Her clothing had helped keep her under the radar; a tight, black Kevlar top covered with her police vest and a black, hooded jacket. Dark, camouflaged cargo pants, black hand gun holsters and a mask that covered her mouth with a plastic outer shell that she had found on a dead biker as she fled the city.

Her bag was starting to feel heavier with every step as she approached a small town filled with abandoned cars. It looked as though people may have tried to settle there after the outbreak and the vehicles were left in a panic. She surged forwards, trying each car, looking for keys and gas. If she could just find one with enough to get her further away from the city, she could take some time to rest up. Darkness enveloped the town and birds and crickets sang a chorus as she wound her way through the cars, pleading with whatever deity would listen to just give her a break.

Then, her prayers were answered. A station wagon filled with boxes of clothes roared to life and to Jess’s delight, the tank was almost full. She set to work removing all the boxes, lightening the load so the gas wouldn’t be consumed as quickly and settled in the front seat. She pulled the door closed and drove off. Her destination was unknown but as far away from the city as she could get would be a start.

It was days before the truck ran out of gas and Jess had managed to put many, many miles in between her and the group that had almost captured her. On her journey, she’d swept through houses and collected anything she could carry on foot. She slept in buildings where they could be secured and had more than one exit, consumed any food she found in strict intervals, ensuring it lasted as long as possible and continued in the same direction she’d been travelling in for two weeks. She wasn’t sure exactly what she was looking for in a settlement, just that it had to be safe, away from other people and walkers and with the capacity to be self-sustainable. Then, she found the boat.

Situated in the middle of a lake, accessible only by a large, fortified gate at the end of a dirt track that was well hidden from any passersby, Jess thought it might have been an old quarry due to its similarities to the old camp. The top of the gate was covered with razorwire and she narrowly avoided being sliced to ribbons when she caught her backpack on the barbs. But a rigorous wiggle and some quick thinking had literally saved her skin. The boat was so far away from the shoreline that Jess accepted that she had to use a canoe that was moored by a jetty. The water appeared to be untouched and there wasn’t a walker in sight. But chances weren’t to be taken when the dead roam the earth and she had to be sure. A collection of rocks of all sizes ended up in the lake, she threw them out as far as she could, trying to cause a stir and encourage any swimming walkers to rise to the surface. But nothing came to pass. By the evening, she’d hunted a rabbit and cooked it over a small fire on the beach. Using the skin attached to a tree branch, she dangled it in the water as the sun was going down and pondered how relaxing the place seemed.

“Huh. Walker fishing.” She mumbled to herself.

When nothing happened and the rabbit skin floated off the branch and out into the body of water, she decided to risk rowing out to the boat. Much to her surprise, the water was crystal clear and she spotted fish swimming below. Her stomach growled, the stringy, fatty meat of a rabbit hardly sufficing when such plump, and apparently disease-free fish were swimming all around her.

_I need a fishing rod._

Climbing aboard, it was clear that she was not stood on a regular boat. This was luxurious, spacious and well looked after. The deck was starting to show signs of disrepair but it was a far cry from the dilapidated states of some of the houses she’d stayed in. She crept inside, sweeping the rooms one by one and eventually finding the inhabitants of the vessel. A middle-aged couple on the double bed in the largest bedroom of three. Both wrapped in an embrace in the middle of a mass of bottles of pills. She moved into the room, draping a sheet over them and resting her hand on the man’s arm.

“I hope you’re at peace. The world sure isn’t”

* * *

Merle stared at the dangerous, powerful and very angry black woman in the passenger seat of his car. She was not one to be messed with and that explained why he needed to knock her out before bundling her into the car and driving her to the Governor. It was all the man wanted. Michonne was responsible for his life changing injury after taking one of his eyes out with her samurai sword. Now, he wanted revenge and Merle was more than aware that if the Governor didn’t get what he wanted; he would obliterate the entire group. The group his brother was a part of.

“So, he takes you in, cleans you up and feeds you a load of bullshit. Why would you kill someone else for him?” She asked.

Merle didn’t answer, his eyes were on the road but his attention was elsewhere, with the safety of his brother back at the prison. He didn’t want to be there, handing Michonne over to the man that would ultimately torture and kill her was most definitely not something he wanted to do. But there were little options that he could see. Only he knew the true wrath of the Governor.

“We could go back. You and me. We could just go back.” She suggested.

“Aint gonna happen.” He commented.

“Why?”

Her eyes were bearing into his soul and wished he could put into words the things that were circulating in his mind. He had killed sixteen people since he’d been with the governor. Before that, he’d killed none. It dawned on him that Michonne was right, why would he kill any more people when he did have another way out? The alternative was less appealing and altogether more permanent. But it was an alternative nevertheless. He stopped the car and raised his prosthetic hand, the bayonet was fixed to the end. Michonne leaned back slightly in her seat, wondering if he might slit her throat there and then and cut out all the talking. Instead, Merle hooked the blade through her wire handcuffs and cut her free.

“You go back. I got somethin’ I gotta do on my own.” He told her, nodding towards the door. “But you’re gonna tell my brother somethin’ for me.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a lot of dialogue in this one, more of a storytelling stance until shit really hits the fan! Hope you like the build up <3 Thanks for the love!

It was Daryl’s fourth hour of sweeping apartment blocks in the city. Everyone at the prison urged him to stay put, they needed him, one of their most competent and brave fighters, but his stubborn streak had prevailed and he set off for the city regardless. As he moved from one building to another, he collected any useful supplies he could carry, figuring if he could at least return to the group with some kind of offering it might count for something. He didn’t hesitate long in one place; he was aware that he needed to be with his group but a big part of him wanted to find Jess. He’d planned it all out in his head, what he would say, how he would convince her to go back with him. But first, he’d ask her what her bullshit note was about. The same note that he carried everywhere with him, burning a hole in his pocket like it was made of the cinders of his fury at her departure.

He knew when he’d found it. Stacks of books everywhere, some with wooden planks across them to make tables, graphic novels, hunting guides and medical textbooks. A balcony that was once full of flourishing herbs and fruits now torn down and scattered through the open door onto the carpet. At first glance, it could have belonged to any number of lone survivors in a city as large as Atlanta. But he knew Jess had been there when he saw the pile of neatly folded T-shirts on the arm of the couch. It was the one thing that hadn’t been torn asunder by whatever had transpired before he’d arrived. There was no sign of her now and the dried blood smeared across the interior, in particular the carpet, had darkened and started to crisp, telling him that he was at least a few days too late.

After a frantic search of every corner and his hope of footprints leading somewhere being dashed, he dropped onto the couch and leaned forwards with his elbows on his knees. His mind cast into a detailed flashback of everything that happened at the quarry and guilt gnawed in the background. He thought of her note. Who was she to tell him how he saw her? Where did she get such an idea? He’d tried to make amends and show her that the announcement of the contents of her journal didn’t matter to him. He’d tried and she still left. It bubbled under the surface, that same rage he’d endured when he first realized that she really was gone. Now, he was risking being absent at a time when his group needed him because for some reason, he couldn’t just let her go.

He lashed out, sweeping the entire contents of the coffee table across the room. Candles, empty tins and glasses collided with the wall and sent a spiraling, noisy commotion through the walls of the building and down the staircase. He watched the items from the table scatter and still felt no relief. She was gone, possibly for good. His one and only lead had come up with nothing.

* * *

She dreamed of Ice, licking at her toes and fingertips and creeping into her bones through sensitive skin. It was all around her, every inch of her tainted by it’s freezing embrace as she thrashed and gasped for air, her breath a white cloud expelling from her weakening body. Her heart, which felt ten times the size it should have been, compressed and struggled in her chest. She shuddered and tried to call out, tried to scream but nothing emerged on the useless huff of air that was all she could manage. Her eyes flew open. Where was she? Was she safe? Why was it so cold?

“Oh…Jesus.” She breathed as she tried to catch her breath, her freezing cold hand resting on her chest and her dream slowly drifting away, most of it anyway.

Her eyes moved up to a window. The Boat. She was in the bedroom on the boat and it was so cold she thought she might freeze to death. The inside of the glass was coated in condensation from the minimal amount of warmth that her body had given off as she slept. She drew the blankets around her and shuffled from the mattress, her socks slipping on the shiny floor. She lifted a hand and rubbed at the window with her fingertips. So cold were they that she couldn’t even feel the damp surface through the numbness in her limbs. She squinted out at the water, unsure if her eyes were playing tricks on her.

“S _hit._ ” She hissed.

Outside on the deck, she stood with her boots on but unlaced, a thick sweater and the blankets from the bed wrapped around her. Unimpressed and irritated by the sight, she sighed slowly, rubbing her hand over her sleepy eyes and brushing her dark hair back from her face. The boat was a safe, albeit unusual choice for a sanctuary during the apocalypse but Jess found it to be everything she wanted. She was far from the shoreline which meant any Walkers or humans had to cross a lot of water to be able to get to her and her weapon-filled, floating fortress. On the roof of the cabin, she grew crops which she moved inside when she noticed the season taking a turn. Now they took up residence in a spare room inside, encouraged by an infra-red light, powered by a small generator which still had enough juice to be switched on for an hour or so every day.

She learned how to fish, catching her meals easily most days after conducting an experiment with a stray dog on the beach that proved the life in the lake was untouched by whatever had turned the human race. The boat was quite the picturesque scene, peaceful and still luxurious even given the situation. But heat was becoming an issue and no number of candles could change the fact that her route to the land was now covered with ice, rendering her unable to fish and eat for the foreseeable future. As far as she could see, the layer stretched from the boat to the shore, the edge of it bumping against the boats hull beneath her feet.

She rolled her eyes and vanished inside, immediately setting about packing her things in order to move on yet again. She told herself she would return once the weather was better and had no plans to move out completely, she kept the key to the cabin in her pocket and eventually climbed into the canoe which split the ice around it into jagged pieces from the movement of the water underneath. With her machete, she smashed at the cold surface between rowing. It was a painfully slow process that left her frustrated and sweating despite the below zero temperature but progress was progress and as she neared the beach, she began to feel a sense of achievement. She climbed out of the boat and onto the jetty, rolling onto her back and cursing under her breath, her machete clattered onto the wooden landing.

It was a peaceful couple of months living on the boat but Jess was smart enough to make sure that she never became complacent or lured into a false sense of security. The world was still full of threats, people that ate people if they were alive or dead. The living reduced to the depths of depravity, stealing, murdering, raping, looting. She’d seen near enough all of it in less than a year of being on the road alone. Death was always part of life, but not in the way Jess had now been witness to and sometimes when it came to a matter of them and her, she’d been forced to commit acts that she didn’t even know she was capable of. After the initial horrendous guilt, she’d been forced to carry on and survive, just like every other person that remained walking the earth with a brain that hadn’t been reanimated.

Being a nomad after leaving the boat was the toughest thing she’d experienced yet. The cold was biting, destructive and relentless and her movement was restricted when defending herself due to her layers of clothing that were needed to shield her against the bitter winds. She hid in frozen ditches for convoys to pass with trucks full of screaming people, their leaders decorated in warpaint as If it gave them any more rights than anyone else. She fought off wildlife, ran from Bears and Coyotes and found Deer harder to hunt than they had ever been before. But still, she persevered and soldiered on with a strength and determination that was now cemented in her being. By that point, she knew she was no quitter.

* * *

A fairground wouldn’t have been her first choice of homestead but the discovery, one crisp morning after sleeping in a tree, of a small building in the corner between the Ferris wheel and Haunted House piqued her interest enough to draw her inside. The structure was solid enough, protected from the wind by the carcasses of rides around it. A broken sign above the door read ‘ _Casey’s Diner.’_ Jess thought it was the smallest diner she’d ever seen, but once she’d kicked the door in and checked the inside for any dangers, she found it to be quaint and full of potential. She ran her fingertips along the tables and chairs as she walked through the seating area, even the black and red tiled walls were an aesthetic she could live with. The tables could all be removed in favor of more useful furniture that she could find almost anywhere. There was a long counter in the middle that opened up into an open-plan kitchen, some of which could still be used if she could only find a generator big enough to power it. The windows were thick, the outside fitted with bars to deter those wanting to take up residence or rob the place out of season.

 _Handy._ She thought.

Stepping back outside into the cold, she surveyed the area. The wind whistled through the rusting metal of the rides, signs flapped in the breeze and the fence enclosing the small fairground it’s self needed repairs in certain places, the most important being the main gate, which Jess had managed to unlock using a small pair of bolt cutters from her backpack. She could work with it, the effort it would need not deterring her in the slightest. She needed shelter before it started to snow and the disused diner would have to do.

It wasn’t easy to find the materials she needed to make the necessary repairs to the fence and fortify the building. She walked for miles to and from the next town, having to use her conserved energy to hack Walkers to death and shoot them with arrows until she was left with a mere two hours of daylight to get a huge, heavy bag of supplies back to the fairground. She may have found what she needed but her fingers were raw from making snare traps in the area around the fences to ensnare small animals for food. Her joints ached from hauling the old furniture out and hacking it all to pieces. Finding a truck with gas left in it parked on the dirt track of a farm was just the stroke of luck she needed. A generator awaited her in the barn, the only issue was how to remove the solar panels that fueled it from the roof.

* * *

Jess’s senses were more than heightened from being on her own for so long and having to be mindful of any threats so as not to become Walker food. Sounds such as snapping twigs and scuffing on the ground alerted her immediately and within seconds, she was alert, bow readied and eyes carefully scanning her surroundings. It was the sound of breathing on this occasion while she stood in the barn trying to figure out how to get the huge generator out and onto the truck, along with the panels, she had no idea where to start. She pulled the string of her bow tight and straightened her back.

“I know you’re there.” She called out. “Make yourself known or I’ll be forced to find you and kill you.”

The barn was piled high with hay bales, a tractor stood to one side and wooden posts obscured her view of the entrance she’d wandered through, dead set on fetching _her_ generator. There was no way she was about to let anyone else take it. Finders keepers, that’s how she saw it. She’d never robbed anyone or felt the need to when supplies were around, they just took a little patience to find.

She spotted boots on the other side of the tractor, moving past it’s massive wheels and wading through hay dropped from the bales on either side. She aimed as a man stepped into view. His hands were up in surrender, he wore a clean, blue and white flannel shirt with a black wax jacket, his hair was cut and tidy, his skin bore no signs of dirt or injury. He held no visible weapons and on his back he carried something else spotless, a tan backpack.

Jess never went anywhere without her mask and hood, they provided her with extra warmth as well an anonymity to anyone she may meet on her travels. She was now a solitary roamer with no desire to connect with anyone or bear the burden of having to take care of someone else. She peered at the man over the top of her mask, which obscured her nose and mouth, showing only her eyes. She quickly swept one leg back, moving into a defensive stance and lined her aim up with the center of his head.

“Who are you?” she demanded firmly.

“My name is Aaron. I come from a community nearby.” He explained. His tone was calm but Jess could sense the underlying anxiety that came with confronting strangers in the new world. Everyone possessed it, it was just more obvious in some than others.

“Backup.” She spat, jutting her bow at him. He jumped in surprise and held his hands up higher. “This is my generator. I found it first.”

Aaron’s eyebrows raised at her intent to take the generator. It was obvious to him that it was all she cared about, aside from not being killed.

“Fair enough. I don’t need one anyway. I just came to talk to you.” He told her.

She glared at him, trying to read him, to figure out what intentions he could possibly have being so squeaky clean and turning up out of the blue for a conversation. It didn’t add up and she didn’t trust him from the moment she heard his breathing from the other side of the barn. She didn’t want to have to kill another living human and so hoped that distraction techniques and words would provide her with enough time to figure out an alternative.

“You expect me to believe that you cornered me in a barn for a conversation?” She asked

“Uh…I know how strange that must seem.” He smiled.

“Hm.” She grunted. It did seem strange, just like everything else about him. His eyes may have looked kind enough, but she had seen all this before. The wolf in sheep’s clothing. She kept a firm grip on her bow. “So talk.” She instructed. “Or I’ll shoot you in the face.”

A kill count wasn’t something Jess ever wanted to have. But it was inevitable for her to have survived so long into what was now a rotting world full of death. She wasn’t yet in double figures, or so she thought. Who knows how many of the people she’d shot in the legs had failed to escape the clutches of an oncoming herd or a hungry, lone Walker in a small space and succumbed to the turn? She couldn’t dwell on it or more of her soul would fall away. She didn’t cry about it anymore. In fact, she hadn’t cried in months, unable to remember the last time. Maybe she was just numb and that wasn’t good. But it didn’t mean she wasn’t prepared to execute another person in order to protect herself.

“I’ve been watching you. You’re very resourceful and handy with that bow.” Aaron explained with his hands still held aloft. “We could use someone like you. We have a lot to offer. Houses, electricity, hot, running water, medical care…walls and-”

“-Cannibals.” She interrupted loudly. Aaron blinked at her in surprise. “You must be cannibals if you have all that.”

His hands began to lower again as he used them to enhance his argument. He stepped closer but she nudged her head up in warning.

_Stay there or I will shoot you between the eyes._

“No.” He protested. “I can assure you. We have food, but we’re not cannibals. Please, lower your weapon. I’m not a threat to you.”

“Yeah? Well, I’m a threat to you.” She warned boldly. “Hold your hands out in front of you so I can see ‘em clearer.”

Doing as he was asked, she couldn’t ignore the puzzled look on his face as she inched closer and observed his empty hands as he held them out, palms down and trembling slightly. He flinched when she suddenly stooped down and collected a small rock from the ground and threw it to him.

“Catch”

He caught the rock effortlessly, still baffled by her behavior and concerned that she may be a little more unhinged than he’d anticipated when he’d observed her fixing fences and hauling tables and chairs around while singing quietly to herself at the fairground. He was impressed by her resourcefulness and skills after finding various traps around the fences that could prove almost lethal to anyone that happened to stumble into them.

“What are-”

“-Kuru. Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease. Prion Disease. Whatever you want to call it. Cannibals have tremors and difficulty grasping things. Slower reactions and poor co-ordination. Among other symptoms. Its incubation period is usually ten years but with food scarce and dumb folk all over the place, people eating people on the daily is common enough to speed up the process”

“That’s…Interesting.” Aaron offered, mildly concerned by her detailed knowledge. 

“Not as interesting as the tremor in your hands.” She shot back, seeing him tilt his head back slightly, a look of worry creeping across his features.

“Forgive me, but I am on the business end of an arrow right now. If I were you, I’d be worried if my hands _weren’t_ trembling.”

Jess huffed with amusement. She couldn’t deny he had a point and it was delivered a thin lacing of sass.

_You’re a funny fucker, aren’t you?_

“You’re a smartass too.” She declared.

Aaron finally smiled and laughed. Jess lowered her bow subtly but not enough for him to notice. She wasn’t naive enough to let him win her trust that easily and so keeping something sharp and pointed aimed his way seemed like a wise course of action, no matter how charming and polite he appeared.

“I was just going to say that about you. Just, in my head. Not out loud. I kind of still like being alive.” He grinned “So, did I pass the test?”

She went back over their conversation in her head. A community nearby, food, water, walls, medical supplies. Even if it was true, it was something she no longer wanted. She was better alone. Safer, cunning, clever. If only she could get that damn generator into the back of the truck. She raised an eyebrow at Aaron.

“So far.”

* * *

Jess sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes, it was cold in the room but nowhere near as cold as the boat with nothing to break up the howling wind. She swung her legs from the wooden framed bed, taken from the same farm where she ran into the man called Aaron with the kind eyes and clean clothes. In her newly re-arranged kitchen, she prepared a breakfast of tinned sausages and beans, cooked in a pot on a stove that was powered by the generator Aaron had helped her get back to her new home.

She’d bargained with him; He helped her get her generator and she agreed to scope out the community of Alexandria from outside it’s walls, observing the operations, security and supply run teams from high up in a tree that gave her the perfect vantage point. It all seemed innocent enough, but Jess was still untrusting and guarded and eventually agreed to meet the leader of Alexandria on the promise that it was conducted away from the town and she was allowed to be fully armed.

It wasn’t easy to get through to Jess, but Deanna, the woman who made all the decisions for the community, was very convincing and it became apparent to Jess upon the arrival of a stray Walker where their meeting took place in the woods, that Deanna had not been outside of her community since before the world went wrong. Everything that was explained to her, she was able to corroborate and after weeks of surveillance, she took her first steps inside to meet the wary faces of the townsfolk.

Jess kept to herself and didn’t utter a word to anyone unless she had no other choice. Aaron stuck by her side at first, assuring people that she wasn’t a danger to them and when she began bringing back Deer and small game after the seasons switched again, people started to accept her as the mysterious bringer of sustenance and protector of the areas around the circumference of the walls. In return, Jess had access to medical supplies and a shower with hot, running water at Aaron’s house that he shared with his partner, Eric. She never once, let anyone see her face, going about her business in full, protective clothing. 

Jess refused to move from the fairground. It was her home and the place that she felt most as ease. She didn’t have fences as large as Alexandria, but hers were sufficient and she knew every inch of them. Living away from everybody else meant she made no connections. No friends, just one or two acquaintances. She wanted to live a life without ties that could lead to more emotional trauma or put her at risk of getting killed. She had a deal with Alexandria, an understanding. On top of that, she also got her generator and solar panels which Aaron had helped to install along with the help of a man Jess didn’t know and didn’t need to know. All she cared about was him being able to make her stove work before she could send him back inside the walls.

Hunting was both a necessity and an enjoyable activity once the weather warmed and the mornings and evenings became lighter. If the Walker numbers were kept low within a mile radius, which was Jess’s job, animals ventured closer to Alexandria to forage and when they did, Jess nabbed them. Sometimes, she’d be out overnight, so engrossed in tracking and taking down something larger than a rabbit that she just couldn’t let it go. That was another good thing about being on the sidelines of a community, the gas for a vehicle. Journeying out further to relatively untouched patches of woodland turned up some great results, especially when she borrowed a hunting rifle from the armory.

Slinking through the trees early one morning with her rifle readied and her eyes cast down across the ground, she followed the tracks of what she thought could be a large deer. Its imprints were deep, suggesting it was somewhat hefty and the foliage it nibbled along the way provided her with the perfect path. She breathed quietly thorough her nose, kept her footsteps light and her hood up.

 _This is going to be a good one._ She thought, excited at the prospect of her share.

Then, male voices caught her attention and she dived behind the nearest bush; her body locked into such a stillness that she thought her heart might stop beating.

“A bitch got you all messed up. Walking around here like a dead man. She must have been a good’un. Was it one of the little ones? They don’t last too long out here.” A man commented.

There was a scuffle but Jess couldn’t see from her current position. While the noises of scraping boots on the muddy floor went on, she twisted her body just enough to make out the scene through the leaves of her hiding place. She needed to know what she was dealing with if she was discovered.

Clamping a hand over her mouth was all she could do to stop herself from gasping loudly with shock. There, beyond the leaves and with a long-haired stranger in a brutal headlock, was Daryl Dixon. His face was twisted into a rage, sweat slick on his forehead as he used all his might to choke the man in his grip. She almost fell backwards and gave her location away when the man whirled out of Daryl’s arm and swung a punch which Daryl quickly avoided. As he ducked, Jess heard the unmistakable _shing_ of a knife being unsheathed and Daryl lunged with the cold metal in his hand.

Her mind was blank. She had no idea what to do. If she should intervene or stay put. It was Daryl. He’d hurt her and she’d deliberately put what she’d thought were hundreds of miles between them, only for him to show up right in front of her in the woods. Still, she didn’t want to see him get killed.

As he neared the man with his knife raised, someone else arrived. An older, grey man with a much more relaxed attitude stepped in and broke up the fight which, as she learned from the shadows, was over who the dead rabbit on the ground belonged to.

He was different, angrier and war-worn but she didn’t get the same vibes from him that she got from the others, and there were more of them. A whole group of them travelling through the woods, she’d discovered. It wasn’t until she retreated further into the trees and decided to follow them that she could tell their intentions were worlds apart from Daryl’s.

The railway tracks were incredibly difficult to follow along without being seen, but she stayed in the tree line, her dark, camouflage and protective clothing aiding her in her disguise. From there, she could hear what was being said. She didn’t possess one ounce of trust in the men he was with and maybe it was because she was an outside observer, but she was shocked that Daryl didn’t seem to know that they were merely using him. Now, there was no way she was leaving. She followed on until they stopped outside an empty auto repairs place on a crossroads. For a moment, Daryl was left alone while the others checked the building.

It was tempting. Oh, so tempting to signal him from the trees and alert him to her presence. He struck a lonely figure as he stood in the road by himself. He looked older, his hair was longer and he still wore his angel wings on his back, only now they were fading and ripped. She was completely torn, half of her wanted to go to him but she was stopped by the memory of what he’d said to his brother. That she meant nothing to him. So, why would he even care if she was there or not? She stayed quiet and hidden, creeping up to a window when darkness fell and they took shelter inside. Carefully, by peeking through a corner of the window, she was able to look inside without being detected.

From the glass, she sighed and watched him sleep on a black piece of plastic while the others took up resident in cars. For the first time since she discovered him, she had the time to acknowledge how much she’d missed him. She was still hurt, heartbroken in fact by what she’d heard. But it was Daryl. Once her good friend and if she was totally honest, the person she’d thought about every day since she left the group. He still inspired her and try as she might, she couldn't shake the notion that she still found him to be incredibly attractive.

_I might mean nothing to you. But, I’m here. I’m not leaving you with these jackasses._

She slept against the side of the auto repairs building, under the window and shrouded in leaves. Waking only when she heard an argument going on inside. On the verge of stepping in to prevent Daryl from being hurt by the mindless, violent, idiots he’d ended up with, she gripped her machete in her hand and started to think about how she was going to charge in and take on seven men when the aggression was suddenly diverted from Daryl to one of the other men. Jess sank back and breathed a deep huff of relief. She didn’t have to see him get hurt.

When the body of the man Daryl had fought with in the woods was dumped inches from her as they departed, she held her breath until she was sure none of them could hear her and set about following them further. She didn’t know why, but going back was not an option. She couldn’t leave him. Not with this group. Not now. There were too many risks.

They re-joined the railway tracks and Jess was able to silently move along at the back of the group where Joe, the grey-haired man who she gathered was the leader, talked to Daryl and offered him a drink from a hip flask. She saw him hesitate as she carefully climbed over logs and slithered through the trees at a pace that was tough to keep up without being too noisy. He shrugged a shoulder up and accepted.

“I ain’t been lit at dawn since before everything fell apart” He expressed.

Jess couldn’t help it. The way he spoke and his conversational tone coupled with a nonchalant shrug was so typical of him and it stung at her emotions. But at his honest comment, her face broke into a wide smile that she struggled to control. So wrapped up in how much she’d missed him, she failed to navigate around a large tree trunk and smacked into it, causing a rustle that Daryl heard over everyone else. He paused and Jess was sure he was looking right at her from the tracks as she hugged the tree and wished that she hadn’t just acted with the dexterity of a toddler running through the woods. Joe carried on while Daryl squinted into the dark trees and adjusted his crossbow. Her lungs began to burn, she didn’t want to breathe for fear of being noticed, her knees felt like they might cave in.

_You really are a tracker._

After what seemed like hours, Daryl finally moved on, joining the rest of the men at a metal sign on the side of the tracks. They gathered around, talking in hushed tones that she couldn’t quite make out from her position. Then, Daryl stepped back, revealing the word at the top of the sign which made her blood run cold and her eyes well with tears. She knew exactly where they were headed and she had to do something to stop them.

_TERMINUS._


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short one...Just to tease you all. ;)

Jess’s legs were starting to burn from maneuvering over the bumpy terrain of the tree line as Daryl and the men moved from one Terminus sign to another. She skirted off, deeper into the woods and attempted to gain some ground in front of them. She broke into a run, sprinting over fallen trees and dead bodies that she didn’t even bother to check for signs of reanimation. She could out run them and she needed to outrun Daryl’s group and cut them off before they reached certain death at Terminus. Destroying the signs was her best bet, or diverting them onto a path that steered them away, but she had to get there first and cover her tracks enough so that Daryl wouldn’t pick up on her footprints being fresh in the dirt. She knew he would. He was smart, an expert tracker and highly observant. Panic was surging through her when she thought of what could happen should she fail at her task.

She’d first encountered Terminus when she was alone, between settlements and bordering on freezing to death from the unforgiving weather. She didn’t trust the signs from the start, which is why she located the destination and dug in for the night under a plastic tarp. She watched from the fence as the inhabitants dragged people from a train cart, kicking and screaming. People that never returned. She knew the smell by now, a sickening odor that she would never forget. Burning flesh. Only it wasn’t being burned to rid the compound of Walkers or any infections, it was being burned in order to be consumed.

Since then, Jess made it her mission to destroy any signs for Terminus she came across which she realized was a frustrating and fruitless task due to them being replaced as quickly as she removed them. Whoever was running the place knew what they were doing, they were relentless and sadistic and there was no way that she would allow Daryl to end up there if she could help it.

Running wasn’t something that bothered her much anymore, her stamina levels were much higher with the change in season. The improved temperature meant she could go back to training properly, always finding new ways of keeping her strength and fitness up. Her legs burned and her chest felt like it might burst, but it was all expected for the amount of ground she would cover in a matter of minutes.

That was until she was stopped in her tracks by upwards of two hundred Walkers all heading straight for her. A herd. She leaned forwards, using her hands on her knees to stabilize herself as she caught her breath. Her brow was wet and her mouth dry. In her backpack, she carried three bottles of water but knew she needed to conserve them until she was desperate.

_“_ Right. There’s a herd. Of course, there is. Brilliant. That’s just great.” She complained as she flung her arms up, turned around and ran in the direction she’d arrived from.

* * *

One of the few good things about the apocalypse is not having to stick to speed limits or worry about other drivers. So, when Jess sped down the rural roads like a bat out of hell, she knew she had to burn some serious rubber to make it around the herd and back to Terminus before Daryl was put in serious danger. The sun was dipping the sky and evening was rolling in, the last thing she wanted to be doing was fighting an entire community of cannibals in the dark with nothing but a rifle, a machete and a bow but try as she might, she could not find it in herself to tear herself away and simply go back to the fairground.

She was no longer sure id Daryl would make the same sacrifices for her, or if he ever would have in the first place, but she did remember his attentive and protective attitude when he took her out training and hunting. Sometimes, she wondered why he even bothered with any of it, putting it down to boredom and a need to feel superior. She dared not think there was anything else in it, she’d been disappointed enough.

She hit the brakes hard when she came to the crossroads that met the railway tracks and considered her next move. She’d been driving for almost an hour at least and saw no signs of the herd. She’d successfully managed to drive all the way around them. Now, for her plan, or lack of one, starting with the truck. She would have to leave it somewhere accessible. She tickled the accelerator and steered to the left, veering around a broken-down garage and coming to a stop behind it. Believing it provided enough cover, she hopped out and set off for Terminus.

* * *

It was as if the elements could sense the oncoming pandemonium. A strange stillness filtered into her mind. Why was it so quiet? Her heart dropped when she heard an explosion so loud that the ground shook beneath her feet and she was sure she could feel the rush of air barrel through the trees. Smoke plumed into the air above, followed by dancing flames. Terminus was on fire.

She ran again, as fast as her legs would carry her. Boots thudding into the damp ground and the air lashing at her face, making her eyes glassy over her mask. As she approached the grounds around the fence, gunfire resulted in her jumping behind a tree to shield herself. Her eyes quickly scanned the woodland as she crouched and caught her breath.

_Stay calm. You got this. Think._

She took a deep breath and clocked movement by the fence around 30 feet away. A cloaked figure stood with a rifle pointed through the chain link fence, firing off shot after shot. Jess risked a few steps closer and was glad she did or she never would have noticed that it was Carol who was picking off the people of Terminus one by one. She was dressed in a poncho covered in what Jess instantly guessed was Walker guts. The smell was obvious. At her feet, sat a bag full of semi-automatic weapons.

_I’m not the only one that grew a pair of balls._ Jess thought.

Glancing to her left, she could see the blown-up gas tank in the yard and the fire raging from inside it, Walkers attracted from all over the place were seeping in through the broken fence caused by the explosion. Jess could even hear them starting to approach from behind her and it forced her to move and find a way to protect herself. She scurried off in the opposite direction to Carol, who hadn’t noticed her over the commotion and equipped her Machete. Now, she was Walker hunting.

Finding two males slumbering along the fence in front of her, she raised the blade, bringing it down on one of their heads and slicing through its eroded and soft skull as if it was a piece of fruit. When the other one turned, she decapitated it with a clean swipe. Then, she rammed the machete into the smaller one’s chest, bracing herself with a boot on its shoulder as she snapped the weapon back, opening up it’s chest cavity and the contents of its stomach. She was gladder than ever for her mask at that point, even having to take a moment to turn her head away and hold her breath before she ripped the leather jacket from the other Walker and smeared it with innards and the rotting remnants of the dead body. She slung the jacket on and headed for the gate.

Inside the compound, people were scattering like ants. All screaming and trying to avoid both the Walkers and Carol’s bullets raining down on them. Jess had managed to get in by shooting at the chain that held the gate together and marched in like the cavalry had arrived. She had no idea where she was going, just that she had to find the door that she’d previously seen captive, live humans being dragged into.

Aware that Carol could see her and would probably shoot her, she kept to the small alleyways and scurried along behind cars and wooden boxes until she saw it. The door. That’s where they were taken. She sprinted at it, hammering her hands onto the glass and flying inside to find it empty. Uninhabited. But what she did find inside was enough to render her completely motionless. He breath caught in her throat. Cages with huge hooks hung from the ceiling. Ribcages, spines and femurs scattered the surfaces, carving knives and bone saws were discarded on metal tables. Beyond that was a vast room with a single, long, stainless steel sink through it’s middle. She was stood in the middle of a slaughterhouse once used to harvest the meat of cows, pigs and the like. Now, it was used to execute and carve up human beings.

Involving herself in such a situation only had one outcome; she was going to have to kill people. It was something she’d had to quickly accept as she shot the chain on the gate and charged into the chaos. As she cleared room after room, she shot everyone she found. Most of them in the legs and feet so they would be found by Walkers or bleed to death and turn. Those that attacked her were eliminated outright with a clean bullet to the head or heart. She didn’t count, nor did she want to. Just like she refused to look into any of their eyes. Twice, she almost ran into Carol, a confrontation she wanted to avoid and so she had no choice but to stop and wait patiently so she could continue, unseen. It wasn’t until she reached a room full of personal belongings that she stopped and had to take heed of things before she could continue her journey.

There were children’s toys, clothing, jewelry, photographs, books. Her fingertips bumped over the items as she slowly walked the length of the table along one side of the narrow room. She closed her eyes and sighed. All of these people. Gone. Lost. Eaten. Just like that. As if the world wasn’t screwed up enough already. Then, she felt the cold metal of a gun. She opened her eyes to find herself stood there holding Rick’s heavy, Python Revolver.

“Drop your weapons.” Came a female voice from behind her.

Jess’s eyes flicked up to the wall in front of her as she slowly slid the revolver into the sleeve of her oversized, Walker covered jacket. She turned slowly to find a blood-soaked woman with wild, long, brown and scraggly hair who was angrily pointing a very large gun at her. She staggered forwards.

“The men they pulled from that Train car…where are they?” Jess growled

The woman’s face twisted in a manic giggle while she hoisted the gun up, securing her aim. 

“You could have been one of us.” She chuckled.

“ _WHERE ARE THEY_?!” Jess yelled with such fury that her voice cracked. “I know you keep them in there!”

“You could have listened to what the world is telling you” The woman rambled.

It quickly became apparent to Jess that sense had left this woman’s head long before the gas tank exploded. Her whole appearance smacked of a mental breakdown, someone who now lived in the depraved and brutal world of a cannibal group. She had no time to waste but any semblance of useful information couldn't be passed up. She opted to try and goad her to gauge if she would turn up any clues.

“You lure people here. You take what they have and you kill them and eat them. Is that what this place is?” Jess demanded.

The woman’s crazed smile dropped and she shook her head, a single tear escaped down her blackened face. She did now lower her gun and Jess began to weight up her odds.

“Not at first.” She sniffed. “It’s what it had to be. They raped and they killed and they laughed over weeks.” She babbled.

_Useless._ Jess thought.

The woman hit the floor with a smack after the first gunshot. She clutched her foot and wailed so loud Jess thought she could probably be heard over the ruckus outside. Her vision lifted to the barrel of Rick’s gun inside Jess’s sleeve and her eyes erupted with tears. The gun in her hands clattered to the vastly growing pool of blood on the floor and the noise snapped her back to reality. She began to struggle with it, hauling it up over her wounded leg and trying to find the trigger. But Jess stepped forwards and kicked it away from her.

“The world was bad enough before the turn. The Walkers make it worse. But people like you…” She glared down at her with a coldness that made the woman's jaw clench with fear “… make it insufferable.”

The noise of the trigger being pulled caused a flinch from Jess’s victim. But she didn’t even blink from the shot that created a bloody hole in the woman’s other foot. She picked up her gun and slung it over her shoulder so both guns were positioned in a cross on her back. She whirled around, making for the door and heaved the fire exit bar open to a dozen waiting Walkers who all skirted around her and poured in as fast as the light beyond. Jess calmly walked through them with enough time to catch Rick and Daryl climbing over the fence on the other side of the yard. As Walkers milled around her and the war raged, the piercing and terrified screams of people still going strong, she smiled.

_He’s safe._

* * *

Darkness had fallen and the traumatized group quietly walked the road, exhausted, dehydrated and starving. Rick, Daryl and Glenn were all wounded but still soldiered on. Daryl veered off every now and then to hunt but came up with nothing more than an even more frustrated expression each time. The ground was damp but water was scarce and the meagre amount they had on them had to last until they found another source or until they settled somewhere again. No one knew how long that would be, but Rick encouraged them to keep going through a thinly veiled feeling of doom. Where would they go now? 

Jess followed them for miles. Her discomfort at letting them out of her sight driving her to babysit them for a long as she possibly could. They were weakened, and morale was low, that much was obvious. They walked through the night into the next morning when the sun peeped through the clouds and the birds began to sing. Jess observed them from the safety of a tree a few meters back from the road. She perched on a branch and snacked on cereal bars from her backpack, even managing to take a power nap after tying herself to the branch, a trick she’d learned way back in the beginning. She discarded her Walker jacket miles back but the smell still festered around her no matter how much she tried to ignore it. So, she was relieved when the group finally started to look like they were getting ready to leave, at least she could get a breeze through her clothes.

When her boots hit the floor after climbing down from her perch, she caught the faint sound of someone gasping, followed by a low growl.

_That’s not a Walker._

She swerved through the branches and bushes, keeping low and noticing movement on the road. The growl was louder now, followed by the clicking of guns being readied and Daryl’s voice.

“Easy.”

Jess managed to find a gap in the leaves that revealed Daryl aiming his crossbow at three dogs across the street. Once someone’s beloved pets, a Collie, Rottweiler and a Belgian Mallinois. They were now reduced to wild beings having never had to fend for themselves before. They looked starving. Protruding ribs and bony legs. Teeth bared and saliva dripping from K9’s. Everyone was focused on the three in front of them, but Jess was the only one that could see the Doberman creeping up on Daryl from behind.

“No guns.” Rick declared. “We can’t afford the noise drawing Walkers.”

He knew they were weakened and unable to fight effectively. Guns were holstered and knives unsheathed along with worried looks exchanged between those that were not used to such close combat, especially with three creatures that boasted such a sharp set of teeth.

Jess panicked. It was unusual for her but before she knew it, her bow was in her hand and an arrow was being aimed at the huge, black dog that was sizing up Daryl’s arm. Its jowls quivered, paws inching forwards. Daryl leapt at one of the dogs, managing to drag his knife across its throat before he was bitten. The other two were taken out by Rick and another member of the group that Jess didn’t recognize. Just as Daryl was about to step back into the inevitable and waiting jaw of the Doberman, Jess let go of the bow’s string and the arrow collided with the animals skull. It was sent skidding across the asphalt, a high-pitched yelp followed by nothing. Daryl swung his crossbow into the woods, pointing it at the darkness inside while the others couldn’t decide whether to look at the arrow embedded in the dog’s head or whatever Daryl was aiming his weapon at. Rick approached him and stood by his side.

“The hell did that come from?” He asked.

“In there” Daryl replied, nudging his head up at Jess’s exact location.

Jess released an angry sigh. Her rage directed at nothing but herself. She’d blown her own cover. If she didn’t step into the light now, Daryl would most likely go in and find her. The chances were, he’d shoot her too. She began to trudge forwards, bow in hand to the side of the road, where Daryl and Rick stood, flanked by an uneasy and tired looking group. Revealing herself from the low light of the trees, she slowly walked out into the light and hoped with all her heart that her mask, hood and weight loss was enough of a disguise to enable her to walk away eventually without having to show who she really was.

Daryl’s brow furrowed at the woman who calmly stepped out onto the road with an elaborate looking bow in her hand, two high powered rifles and a machete attached to her belt. She looked like something from one of the computer games he’d played with Merle before the turn when they’d get high and battle monsters. Her hood and mask obscured most of her face, her eyes just about visible as she moved into the light. Black, leather arm bracers covered her forearms, heavy, lace up boots reached her knees. Her clothing was clearly that of law enforcement, military or special ops. Daryl backed up, as did Rick when Jess raised her bow.

“Don’t move!” Daryl quickly ordered.

But Jess refused. She slowly continued to lift her bow and looped it across her body, disarming herself to show she was not a threat.

“Everybody stay back.” Rick instructed the perturbed faces behind him with an open palm in their direction. The crowd backed up, peering at the scene in disbelief. Daryl inched closer to her with Rick mirroring him. Somehow, Jess managed to stand completely still even though her body was shaking at the sight of him.

“Who are you?” Rick wanted to know. His voice was low, too hushed for everyone else to hear him and deliberate so as not to cause a panic.

“I helped her…” Jess told him as she motioned with her head to Carol “…get you out of terminus.”

Rick was incredulous. His eyes shot back and forth between Jess and Carol, who was none the wiser, multiple times until finally falling back to Jess.

“Why?” Daryl asked

“I know what that place was.” She said. So far, neither of them had recognized her voice, which she could put down to the plastic casing on the front of her mask that filtered the air of dust. It muffled her words subtly and she was sure that she’d never been more thankful for a piece of kit before.

“Take off the mask” Rick ordered out of the blue, raising his hand ready to pluck her disguise from her face. In the blink of an eye her machete was at his throat, held like a vice with an outstretched arm. His head tilted back, his eyes bulged and he looked down his nose at the blade. A sharp intake of breath from behind him told her that her actions had the desired effect. She’d shocked them into submission.

“Do not touch me.” She warned firmly.

Daryl stepped in, placing his body between Jess and Rick but with his crossbow still gripped in one hand.

“Ok… ok, aint nobody gonna touch ya…put the machete down.” Daryl urged.

She complied and gradually brought it back to her side, her hand still gripping onto the handle with a white-knuckle strength. 

“How do we know we can trust you?” Rick asked.

She nodded and reached around, inside her hooded jacket. Slipping Ricks revolver from her wristband at her back, she held it out to him. His face was a picture she would never forget. He blinked rapidly at the gun before slowly taking it.

“How did you know this is mine?” He questioned.

“Saw them take you in with it.” She lied “You don't have to trust me. But would I really be handing you that gun if you couldn't? Good luck, all of you.”

Her boots crunched on the ground when she made off in the opposite direction, digging her hands in her pocket when she was reminded of something she’d prepared earlier. All along, she’d tried to get a head of the group and plant water in abandoned cars or buildings but was hindered by Walkers every time. She’d stowed two bottles in her pockets just in case she had the chance and kept one for herself in her back pack. As she strode away, she twisted her body and threw both bottles at Rick and Daryl. They both caught them and swapped baffled expressions.

“Wait.” Daryl called out to her. “Why’d ya help us?”

_Because I care about you and I hate it._

She didn’t respond, determined to cover the miles to her truck in good time so she could get back to the fairground and rest her weary head. She had some serious thinking to do and a big decision to make. Rick’s group consisted of men, women and a child. Carl. Jess had scanned every face, some were missing but some were the same, just older and wearing their horrendous experiences in their eyes. She had no doubt that all of them had endured a lot and on top of that, were almost blood-let and eaten at Terminus. It was a tough choice that would jeopardize the new, battle-hardened person she was. But in truth, she’d already decided. She had to go back to Alexandria's recruiter; Aaron. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! ;) <3 Thank you for every single comment and kudos!

Patience is a virtue. Or so Aaron thought after he’d followed Jess’s directions and located the distrustful and on edge group. He’d been warned of their reluctance to let anyone near them, but he hadn’t anticipated the level of fear he would witness. He sympathized, empathized even. He knew what it was like to be terrified on the outside of the walls. His job as a recruiter took him all over the place and as a result, he was unfortunate enough to have seen more than one horrific sight in his time. It took a lot of understanding and reasoning to get through to Rick, who by that point was just about done with allowing his group to endure any more near-death experiences. Some of the group were willing to take the chance, to see if what Aaron was promising really was real and Rick eventually agreed to it, mainly because he was rapidly becoming out numbered.

He’d located them in a Barn, sheltering from the rain. Their numbers were greater than he thought and he was surprised to see a baby with them. A precious, vulnerable detail that Jess had left out. Alexandria hadn’t seen a baby in a very long time and Aaron was pleased at the prospect of being able to bring such a tender, young life inside the walls and keep it safe from the world outside. Their journey back to the safe zone wasn’t without its issues. Walkers here, there and everywhere and a tetchy ex sheriff eyeballing him the whole way got tiresome rather rapidly. But he was determined to get them back to Alexandria and when he finally did, dusk was upon them.

Deanna was the town’s leader. An ex-congresswoman who was highly intelligent and intuitive when it came to people’s subtle strengths and weaknesses, those they tried and failed to hide from her observant eyes. She was fair, calm and had a lot of trust placed in Aaron’s abilities to tell a good person from a bad one. Multiple times, he’d proven her right, only this time he couldn’t take the credit.

As the gates rolled open, Jess was leaning against the side of Aaron’s house. She moved back into the shadows as she silently willed Rick to lead his group inside. But no one moved for what felt like an eternity. Deanna breezed out of her house and down the steps to her front porch with a smile on her face and her hands held out at her sides in a welcoming gesture. Jess couldn’t hear everything from her distance away but she could sense that everyone was uneasy about waltzing into a place they didn’t know, surrounded by high walls and a heavy gate with seemingly no escape.

She crossed her arms and waited, she wasn’t going anywhere until she was sure everyone was safely inside the gate and being given somewhere to sleep. Her wish came true when Rick stepped over the threshold and shook Deanna’s hand, although his eyes were everywhere but on her. He glared at the people on the sides of the street looking on, at the walls, at the houses and the faces in them. Her own eyes were on the tiny child strapped to his body. A baby girl. How could she not have noticed this before? Where did she even come from?

She could tell Rick had already noticed the lack of weapons on the townsfolk and wasn’t surprised in the slightest when he visibly recoiled when asked to surrender his gun. He wasn’t the only one. The big, ginger military looking guy with the mustache didn’t appear impressed at the idea, neither did Daryl. After some discussion between them and Aaron aiding Deanna in explaining why there would be no need to keep guns on them and that they could access them in the armory when they leave the safe zone, everyone slowly began to surge forwards, surrendering their weapons and placing them all on a metal cart, brought to the gate by Olivia, overseer of the food rations, armory and Alexandria’s answer to an excel spreadsheet.

Deanna urged them all to follow her so she could take them to their houses and Jess felt a small sense of pride in herself. Now, she didn’t have to fret about Daryl being killed. She wasn’t even sure why she still cared, but she couldn’t just switch it off. With no desire to change anything about her life, she intended to keep them arm’s length and never reveal her identity if she could help it. It wasn’t such a difficult task with the Alexandrian’s, they simply accepted her as she wanted to be. But Rick’s group had known her from another time. Daryl knew her. If she stuck to her own rules; no ties or connections to anyone, she wouldn’t have to change a thing. Or so she hoped.

She saw Aaron wandering over to her between wanting to watch the newcomers enter their houses and wanting to crawl through his own front door and collapse in bed after being out on the road for two days searching for them. Jess nudged her head up in acknowledgement.

“Well, you were right, it took a lot of convincing to get them here. They seem like a good bunch of people though.” He declared as he stopped in front of her.

“They are.” She replied in a whisper.

“Why didn’t you tell me they had a baby with them?” He questioned. His tone wasn’t accusatory, more surprised and Jess had to admit she was shocked at how she missed the newest member of the group. They had certainly done a great job of keeping her hidden.

“Because I didn’t know.” She told him with the shrug of one shoulder.

“We haven’t seen a baby in a long time. This is very exciting.”

Jess looked down at her gloved hands, the leather was fraying around the edges of her fingerless gloves. She plucked at the loose strands and nibbled on her lower lip behind her mask. Aaron sighed contentedly and crossed his arms.

“Thank you, Aaron.” She mumbled quietly.

She felt him suddenly turn to face her in surprise. It was unusual that she spoke much at all to anyone, let alone show such sincerity. Her sentences to the occupants of Alexandria were kept short and to the point, chit chat was no longer a part of her repertoire, it wasted time and formed connections she didn’t want the burden of. But she owed Aaron for the comfortable life she lived and the discretion with which she was allowed to live it. 

“What for?” he asked.

“For bringing them here.” She replied, motioning to the vanishing group with one hand, her vision still trained down on her gloves. “And for not mentioning me.”

“You’re distinctive. They’re going to see you at some point.” He informed her. Far be it for him to patronize her, he did feel the need to point out that as such a mysterious figure that everyone seemed to know of but no one actually knew, she would soon become the talk of the new group and with that, would undoubtedly come questions. 

“Maybe they will. But if it happens, it’ll be when it suits me.” She affirmed confidently, now glancing up at him.

“You have a history with them?” He asked carefully, aware he was treading on thin ice by probing into her train of thought.

“I was with them at the start. Left of my own accord.” Her eyes gradually worked back down, gazing at nothing in particular as she remembered the days at the quarry with a heavy heart and a sting of humiliation.

“Why am I not surprised?” Aaron smiled. “They’re going to figure out who you are one day.”

She returned her gaze to him, raising an eyebrow in amusement. But it was hard for him to read her due to only being able to see her eyes.

“I’ve lived here for weeks now; I sleep in your spare room and use your shower and you still don’t know what I really look like because you’ve never seen my face.” She pointed out with a certain degree of self-righteousness. It was true, she’d come and go as she pleased, always remembering her manners and ensuring to be a good house guest. But the mask never came off in the vicinity of other people. To show her face was to show a part of who she was and that was something she didn’t want anyone else to see ever again. If she ever ate at the house Aaron shared with his partner, Eric, she’d retreat to the spare room and thank them for their kindness upon returning her plate to the kitchen.

“You make a good point.” Aaron admitted with a nod.

“I know.”

He studied her eyes, their sudden twinkle and brightness that he’d rarely seen before except for when he’d attempted to tease her for something or Eric had tried to get her to discard her disguise by offering her tea, coffee and hard liquor for the millionth time. There was no way that the hospitality and genuine good souls of Aaron and Eric were not going to bring a smile to her face.

“I may not be able to see your face behind that mask but I’m pretty sure you’re smiling right now.” Aaron guessed.

“That’s correct.” She confirmed.

“I bet you’re really pretty too.” He grinned, nudging her elbow with his own.

“I’m not your type.” She commented as if she wasn’t beaming behind the black fabric and plastic that obscured her true identity.

“Headstrong and mildly irritating? I’d say you are.” Aaron laughed.

“I meant female.” She shot back with a wink. She raised her arm, offering her hand. “Seriously, thank you.”

* * *

That night, the new group found security and some semblance of safety together. They all occupied a corner of the living room in the one house despite being divided up and offered two separate houses by Deanna. The inability to trust anyone so readily was still raw, especially for Rick, who was not about to put his baby daughter and teenage son into a potentially dangerous situation. Others appeared to be willing to give the place and its people a chance, stating that it was worth a try for the safety of the walls, the most secure they’d been in a long time.

Daryl wasn’t sure. On the one hand, his loyalty to Rick dictated that he was likely to agree with him and while he did, it was only to a certain extent. To him, Carl and baby Judith deserved a roof over their heads and if Alexandria provided that, then the least they could do was try while still being on their guard. As was true of most of his life, Daryl also knew he didn’t fit in there and he found it difficult not to revert back to the hostile, angry redneck he was at the quarry. He was changing, he knew that much, but to him it was merely a matter of adapting and that was something he was wired to do regardless. The one thing he could not get his head around was the dark, imposing figure of the girl with the machete and bow who stopped him from being attacked by a dog. 

It was dark and most of the group were sleeping. Rick perched on the window ledge, watching over Judith as she slept in the first real crib that she’d had that wasn’t fashioned from crates of wood. Daryl remembered making her first one at the prison. A short supply run turned into a day long outing when Walkers made retrieving some wooden pallets from a parking lot all the more difficult with their heaving masses and determination to get at him when he climbed onto the roof of a military truck. But with a little patience and quick thinking, he got out of there in one piece and returned to the prison before dusk. It took over two hours to make the crib and the look on Carol’s face when he’d presented her with it made it all worthwhile. The death of Lori, Judith and Carl’s mother had sent Rick almost to the brink of insanity and while he was absent, talking to himself in the woods and disappearing for hours on end, Daryl was the one to step up and make sure that Judith had everything she needed while Carol and some of the others shared babysitting duties. He didn’t know he had it in him, but her tiny hands grasping his fingers and her big eyes peering back at him as he fed her formula that he’d almost died trying to scavenge changed something in him. He could actually get used to being ‘Uncle Daryl.’

He climbed up from his spot on the floor and headed outside. Those that were still awake didn’t acknowledge his movement and simply went back to staring into space or silently hoping that this would be it; that they wouldn’t have to move anymore. Daryl stepped outside, quietly closing the door behind him and pulled out his pack of smokes. He sparked up, inhaling deeply and waiting for the nicotine to seep into his bloodstream. Settling on the front steps, he reveled in the quiet.

Jess left Aaron and Eric’s place late that night after being given the third degree over how she knew the new group. She gave nothing away, merely telling them she used to know them once upon a time, swearing them to secrecy anyway and making her excuses to leave. The night was still and quiet with distant snarls rolling over the walls, the dim lights from the houses she passed lit her way with the light of the moon, which cast a glittering glow on the tarmac of the road. She adjusted the straps on her gloves as she took to the middle of the street, following the white line in the middle to the gate.

“Hey… you.” Came a voice from behind her. She halted and slowly turned around. She didn’t need to guess who it was; she knew that gravelly voice anywhere. He rose from the step and took a few steps closer to her, blowing smoke from his nose.

“I know you. From the road with the dogs. You live here?” He wanted to know.

Jess knew how smart Daryl was and that he’d figure out her real identity if she offered too much conversation or spent a great deal of time in close proximity to him. It was for this reason, that her response came as a small shake of her head.

“You tell Aaron ‘bout us?” He continued.

Her lack of reply grated on his nerves and he moved closer, resulting in Jess turning her body away from him to avoid him getting too clear a view of her eyes. 

“Cat got ya tongue?” He growled.

“I told him.” She uttered, pleased that her mask distorted her low-key response enough to render her unrecognizable. Her senses spiked when she heard him close in on her, standing mere inches from her body.

“The boy and the baby, they deserve a roof…” He started. To Jess, it felt like he was rasping right in her ear. Her chest tightened at the sound of his fierce protectiveness and want of a better life for the children in the group. “…but if any of these people try to hurt them, or any of us, we’ll kill ‘em all n’ we’ll take this place. Startin’ with you. You aint seen our bad side yet.”

_Don’t threaten me, Dixon._

Jess gradually turned back to him, narrowing her eyes in the moonlight. Smoke billowed from his lips as he expelled a breath.

“And you haven’t seen mine.” She hissed before whirling around and striding towards the gate. She unhooked her bow from her torso and readied an arrow in preparation for whatever Walkers might be passing at that late hour. Daryl remained where he was with his cigarette balanced between his fingers and his mind full of questions. Who was she? Where did she come from? Why was she so familiar and why did she anger him so much?

* * *

The morning brought with it yet more questions for Daryl, who spent most of the night sitting on the porch and working his way through a pack of smokes, all the while staring at the spot in the street where he’d stopped the mysterious woman in the mask and hood who seemed to appear from Nowhere. There was something about her and every time he tried to figure it out, it only maddened him more. His instincts flared when he’d seen her that night, a fierce need to confront her overwhelming him until he found himself threatening her and receiving his own warning thrown back at him without an ounce of fear or distress. She was self-assured, confident in her actions but the mask and whole barrier in front of her identity told him that she hid secrets and maybe those secrets were as dark as his own.

Daryl never needed a lot of sleep; it wasn’t a blessing he’d been gifted in his childhood or teenage years. Yelling, drinking, drugs, violence all ensured that rest was a complete stranger to him and he went about his days with a slight sting in his eyes and a weariness in his bones but now he paid it no mind. It was the end of days, everyone was tired. After a short conversation with Carol on the front porch, he informed her that her new attire, which was typically mousey housewife, made her look ridiculous. She scoffed at him and threatened to hose him down if he didn’t shower, but he felt no need due to the gnawing idea that the whole town and people in it could turn out to be one, gigantic trap anyway. He wasn’t as paranoid as Rick, who had also been awake all night peering out of the front window and trying to figure out why such a community would be so generous and kind. But Daryl still had his reservations, especially at the request to surrender their weapons at the gate. That was another thing about her. The woman with the mask. She was allowed to keep hers.

He perched on the white railing to what would have been the perfect suburban home he would never have had before the turn. His attention was captured by Aaron, who was standing outside Deanna’s house obviously consumed in conversation with Abraham, the ex-military, handlebar mustache sporting warrior. He pulled his weight; Daryl had no qualms with him. But he did hope that he, along with the rest of the group wouldn’t become too trusting too quickly. Then, once again, she appeared.

Jess sauntered through the gate, tossing a string of rabbits at the first person she saw. The woman caught them with a stagger backwards and a rapid blink and stared down at them with surprise. Jess raised a hand, clicked her fingers and pointed to the pantry, to which the woman refrained to protest and obediently scurried off with her marching orders. It was evident to Daryl that the people of Alexandria saw her as some kind of intimidating figure who was not to be trifled with.

He watched from his spot as Aaron beckoned her over to them and formally introduced her to Abraham. Frustratingly, he missed her name as he stood up and moved closer on the porch, leaning against a pillar and peering around the wooden beam. She held out her hand, gaining a strong handshake from Abraham, who must have cracked a joke because Aaron laughed and to his surprise, so did she. Her face may have been obscured but the movement of her shoulders and the glint in her eye were obvious signs of her finding humor in whatever was said. He observed the short conversation before she appeared to excuse herself and made her way past them, hopping up the steps to Deanna’s house and vanishing inside. Abraham also moved off, wandering across the street and Aaron made off in Daryl’s direction. As he passed the house, the temptation became too great and Daryl walked the path to the sidewalk and stopped in front of Aaron, who glanced up with a broad and friendly smile.

“Hey, man. How was your first night?” He questioned.

“Fine.” Daryl grunted quickly “Didn’t tell us they’d be takin’ our guns”

He squinted in the morning sun, watching Aaron’s stubborn smile refusing to disappear at the sound of his disapproval and direct approach. He was not dropping the innocent façade, if it was one and Daryl considered that if they were all lying then they would possibly be the most convincing liars he’d ever encountered.

“You don’t need guns inside the walls. It’s safe here.” Aaron assured him.

“Ain’t nowhere safe no more” Daryl shot back.

Aaron’s face changed to a sympathetic expression which was laced with a thinly veiled hint of frustration. He sighed and shifted he weight to his other foot, glancing about the street and seeing other townsfolk start to go about their business. Some of which displayed similar distrust when they’d arrived. He reminded himself that people come around. Daryl may have been correct, nowhere was safe, but inside the walls they at least had a chance to keep living.

“Look, I understand your suspicions, but I think you’ll find this place is the exception.” He affirmed confidently.

“Hm.” Daryl hummed as he tried to detect any dishonesty in his eyes. If he’d learned anything in his time surviving the apocalypse, it was character judgement and try as he might, he couldn’t seem to pinpoint anything about Aaron that set alarm bells ringing. “Who’s the machete ninja?” he wanted to know.

Aaron had to think for a second about who was being referred to in such a way, when the pieces fell into place and he recalled his promises made the previous night.

“Oh, goes by the name ‘Parker’. She’s kind of illusive.” He shrugged casually.

“Said she helped save our lives out there" Daryl pointed out.

Aaron had been informed of the series of events that had led to her guiding him to the group of survivors out on the road, starving and dehydrated. He’d promised not to give anything away unless she deemed it necessary and so his responses had to be thoroughly thought out before he opened his mouth and said the wrong thing.

“That doesn’t surprise me. She’s very capable, our best fighter. Dangerous, but still has a heart.”

“You know her well?” Daryl continued, his questions now sparking a slight concern in Aaron who, in that moment, opted to surrender just enough information to placate his interrogator.

“More that most. But she doesn’t do friendships and you’d be wise not to cross her. She has an agreement with Deanna, she helps us out with security, keeps the area around the walls as free of the dead ones as possible and in return we share medical supplies and food.”

Daryl and Aaron both looked over at Deanna’s house when they heard the door open and saw Jess fly down the stairs. She unhooked her bow from across her torso and nocked an arrow as she nodded at the gate guard, who began to heave the heavy structure open in order to let her leave.

“She lives here?” Daryl rasped from beside Aaron, both of them still observing her in the distance. He'd asked the same question directly to her, but wanted to see if the answer was true. 

“Oh, no. She has her own land. Protective over it too. No one is allowed near it. She sometimes stays the night here. Eric and I, we let her stay in our spare room, use our shower, that kind of stuff. Never seen her without the mask and hood though. I have no idea what she actually looks like. A modern-day caped crusader if you like.” He explained with an air of disappointment.

Aaron hoped that one day she would reveal her identity to him but was aware of how slim the chances were. Initially, she fascinated him and he bombarded her with questions until she shut down and refused to speak to him. Stating that he was to either shut up and carry on helping her reinforce the fences around her land or, she would shoot him and silence him the hard way. Taking no chances, he ceased his line of questioning and hadn’t resumed it so forcefully since. In return, she offered snippets of information, but only enough to imply that underneath it all, she had a sense of humor and a personality that he knew he would gel with given time and patience.

“ _Never_ seen her face?” Daryl asked.

“Nope.” Aaron shook his head “But she’s smart and she’d hate me saying this but I trust her, she’s a friend to me if she likes it or not.”

It wasn’t much, but Daryl knew it would have to suffice in the meantime. He was still none the wiser, no closer to figuring out why she played on his mind and frustrated him with her incognito, enigmatic and irritating illusion.

* * *

The day’s seemed to go on forever while a heavy cloud of suspicion weighed on the newcomer’s arrival, the community, Deanna and Aaron all understood and made sure to give the group their space and let them find their own way. Aaron was always around to answer questions and Deanna held one to one interviews with everyone to determine which tasks would best suit their skillsets. That was the thing about Alexandria; everyone pitched in and nothing turned up free. There was even talk of a welcome party, although no one had expressed enough of an interest in making themselves vulnerable to the effects of alcohol just yet and so, it was postponed. 

Jess kept to the sidelines, moving through the shadows and avoiding any conversations or questioning. From her distance away and as she arrived and left over the course of the first week, she observed many interesting scenes. Some a lot more interesting than others. A plan was unfolding before her very eyes and she witnessed it with smugness. When Rick, Daryl and Carol all left the gate at different stages one morning, it wasn’t lost on her. She was smart enough to know they were up to something and she knew exactly what it was.

Following Rick through the trees, she kept her steps silent, carefully meandering over fallen branches, avoiding piles of crunchy leaves and keeping enough of a gap between them that she could easily duck out of sight should he turn around and scan his surroundings. Which he did. Multiple times. Rick was a cop and he wasn’t dumb enough to go for a stroll in the woods without being mindful of any potential threats.

A half-collapsed house appeared ahead of them and Jess shook her head inside her hood. Yes, she really did know what he was up to and felt a sting of pity when she thought of how easily she’d figured it out. Rick skirted around a tree and Jess halted in her tracks when she heard voices up ahead. She spun around, pressing her back to a trunk and straining to hear through the rustling of the leaves in the light wind.

“I’m sure they were right here.” Carols voice.

“They were.” Rick said “Keep looking.”

“Maybe a Walker came by and moved ‘em somehow. Lift that up, lemme see underneath.” Daryl instructed.

Jess boldly weaved out from her hiding spot and through the trees to the clearing in front of the house, not bothering to mask the sound of her footsteps any longer. She dragged the heavy back pack from her shoulders and stopped in the tree line. Clearing her throat loudly. All three of them quickly jumped into defensive stances, drawing their knives and seeing her unzipping the backpack. Guns tumbled out onto the grass, clattering against one another and drawing the horrified stares of the three people in front of her.

“Looking for these?” Jess asked.

“You” Daryl scowled “The hell you doin’ with our guns?”

“Next time you try to be deceptive, be smart about it.” She suggested bravely. “I’ve been watching you plan this all week.”

Daryl surged forwards; his jaw locked tight and his eyes ablaze with anger

“Who the hell are you?!” He raged. 

Rick shot an arm out, instantly halting him and easing him back to his pervious spot. Carol’s hand flew to her mouth while Jess, who was quite clearly the calm one, merely blinked and shifted her gaze to each of them in turn. She kicked a handgun with her boot, sending it scattering across the dusty, patchy ground.

“You want a gun? Here. Take it.” She instructed through her mask.

Rick’s eyes were flickering from the weapon she’d offered to what was visible of her unconcerned and cool face. If they wanted weapons, she was intent on proving to them that they did not need them. Rick swooped down, snatching up the pistol and checking the ammo.

“It’s loaded. They all are. I took the liberty of checking for you.” She mentioned.

As he stood there with the gun resting in his palm, he sensed Daryl's agitation from beside him. His breathing through his nose was becoming louder and he knew from enduring so many life or death situations with Daryl that when that happened, he was on the verge of making an impulsive decision. But before he could act, Daryl swiped the gun from his hand and pointed it at Jess.

“No!” Carol shouted. “Daryl, Put the gun down.”

Rick slowly raised his hands, opening up his palms in a submissive gesture, his mouth fell open and his eyebrow raised.

“Daryl. You don’t have to do this.”

“You talkin’ ‘bout? Huh?! None of us trust this freak!” he snapped.

Jess’s shell may have been almost impenetrable, but it was not perfect and his comment sent a shot of agony through her heart. She remembered the words he’d said, how she ‘didn’t mean shit’ to him, the devastating things Jodie and Sarah would whisper about her as she passed. Inside, she was still bearing the scars of such treatment, but outside, no one could tell.

“Haven’t we seen enough death, Daryl?” Carol reasoned.

Letting her words sink in, Rick kept quiet, his brow now beading with sweat as he inched closer. Jess felt Daryl’s intense and furious stare as if it were a hot poker burning away at her soul.

“Shoot me.” She challenged, unmoving and convinced that he would not pull the trigger.

“Stop” Rick ordered, his hand flying up at her. “You don’t know us. You’re putting yourself at risk” He turned his head back to Daryl “You don’t need to do this. Hey. Look at me.”

“I’m not in danger. I _am_ the danger.” Jess informed them all. She threw the empty bag on top of the pile of smuggled guns and stepped back, ignoring the weapon that was still being pointed at her. With her whole being, she hoped that her mask would distort her voice enough to keep up her disguise as she spoke “You can have your precious guns and I won’t breathe a word to Deanna. But if you try anything like this again and put the people of that town in danger, if you jeopardize their safety in any way, I will single handedly destroy all of you.”

She wasn’t sure why such an extravagant and serious sentence had left her lips, but what she was sure of, was that she wouldn’t have hurt any of them. Her aim was to strike some sense into them, to make them see that what they’d been given was a blessing in such a harsh world and they were taking advantage of it. Before anyone could speak or come up with an equally as threatening retort, Jess fled into the trees and Rick slapped the gun from Daryl’s hand.

“We can’t just go around shooting people. Not unless we have to.” Rick scolded as Daryl skulked off a few feet away. Carol knelt down and set to dropping the guns back into the bag.

“I don’t like her.” Daryl grumbled. “Somethin’ ‘bout her.”

“I don’t trust any of them, least of all her. I didn’t even know she was still around. But if we get trigger happy, we’re screwed. We’re vastly outnumbered and even with this bag we’re out gunned. And…” He trailed off, reluctant to finish his sentence “…As much as I hate to admit it, she helped us out on the road.”

“She also said she helped me get you out of Terminus.” Carol called over her shoulder.

“How do we even know that’s the truth?” Daryl argued at Carol “I didn’t see her, did you?”

Carol zipped the bag up and slung it over her shoulder, its weight made her slouch to the side and her floral, stepford wife outfit seemed more out of place than ever.

“No. But something tells me she’s good at not being seen. None of us picked up on the fact that she knew exactly what we were doing today. She was watching us all week and we didn’t know. She knows things. She sees things. We have to be careful. She's like 1984 personified.” She scoffed.

Rick retrieved the pistol from the ground and shoved it into the back of his belt, nudging his head up for Daryl and Carol to follow him back to Alexandria. He didn’t need to tell them where they were going or with what plan, they already knew. They had no choice but to return the guns and surrender to the failure of their strategy, or they risked being outsmarted and potentially massacred.

* * *

The group saw Jess intermittently over the next couple of days while they settled, which began to happen, slowly but surely. Deanna dished out jobs and most were accepted gratefully, everyone had a role, all except Daryl who baffled Deanna so much she’d watched the tape of his interview several times. On one occasion, she’d even asked Jess what her take on him was. In order to maintain her anonymity and apparent indifference to him, she simply expressed that she thought he was more suited to being outside the walls. As a result, Deanna eventually tasked him with hunting the community’s food, a job that Jess had been doing since her own arrival at the town. She made sure to stay well away on her own hunting trips, so much so, that Daryl had no idea she was even around when she watched him from afar. His hunting prowess was second to none and he was such an effective and observant tracker that she almost got herself caught more than once.

It was on one of these hunting trips that Jess found herself distracted while tracking an Opossum. The growling and chest bubbling noises of Walkers quickly set her on guard and instead of running away from the dead, she ran towards them and was determined to rid the area of such a plague. As her boots thudded on the dry and cracked ground and she jumped over fallen branches and shoved through bushes, other sounds slowed her down.

Daryl and Rick were back to back, knives drawn and slowly circling. Walkers surrounded them, being put down one by one but through a slow and tiring process. Jess quickly equipped her machete and surged through the trees with enough time to swing with all her might and completely decapitate a Walker. It’s head was sliced clean off and Jess gripped onto its hair, dragging it’s gnashing teeth away from Rick’s arm while his other one was busy trying to dislodge his knife from the skull of another disease ridden corpse.

She stepped back, watching the body drop to the floor as Daryl finished stabbing the dead ones around him, the Walker head was still gripped in her hand as blood dripped onto the dust and it's teeth carried on grinding together. Rick spun around, his boots scuffing against the ground and his eyes wide with shock.

“You two were following me” She stated.

Daryl and Rick exchanged a glance as Daryl wiped the blood from his knife on his jeans and collected his crossbow, which lay on the ground by his feet. Rick wiped his brow with the back of his hand and quickly took in the bodies that littered the floor. He counted six but suspected more were on the way. He turned back to Jess.

“We just want to talk to you.”

“So, talk.” She snapped, dropping the head to the ground with a squelch.

“Ya name’s Parker, right? Why don’t ya live at Alexandria?” Daryl cut in as he stepped closer to her. She responded by stepping back, telling him in no uncertain terms that closing in on her was not going to be tolerated.

“I have my own home.” She told him.

“Where?” He quickly barked back.

Rick could hear the anger rising in his voice once more and readied himself for yet another tense encounter.

“Is this an interrogation? Because you’re advised against it.” She asked, her eyes flickering across both of their faces. Daryl’s was now older, even after just over a year, his hair was longer and his body, much like her own had changed to adapt to his new life. His arms were stronger and he appeared altogether more fighter like than ever before. His glare was fixed on her.

_Those bright, blue eyes._

Rick moved in front of Daryl, who accepted the notion and backed off, trusting his friend to handle the situation better than he had last time they’d ran into her in the woods.

“It’s not. We’re just trying to figure you out.” Rick assured her with a tone that less glowing with rage than Daryl’s.

“You and everybody else.” She replied.

“Walls, food, medical care, nice houses. Why choose to live away from Alexandria? It’s doesn’t make any sense.” Daryl questioned over Rick’s shoulder.

“People die. Then, they get up and eat other people. Nothing makes sense anymore.” She pointed out while looking right at him by default and feeling her heart lurch.

_Careful. He will figure you out._

“If you don’t live there, there must be a reason. You don’t trust them?” Rick probed.

“You can trust them.” She told him. She was deliberately avoiding some questions with the intention of making it common knowledge that conversation with her was going to be strained at best, if it was ever allowed in the first place. She had the control; she’d worked hard for it and she was not about to give it to either of them.

“Where d’ya learn to fight like that?” Daryl wanted to know.

“An old friend.” She said bluntly, looking at Rick “If you have any more questions, I suggest you arrest me.”

Both men stayed quiet meaning Jess took her cue to leave. Half of her wanted to sprint away from them, to curl up in her own shroud of mystery, her lack of identity which meant she didn’t have to acknowledge the fact that Daryl’s eyes were still so blue and his reckless, impulsivity was still ever present, but he’d matured somehow and showed a courage that she always knew was there. What she didn’t expect, was to feel proud of him for it. She strode over the fallen bodies in the direction she’d ran in from. 

“Wait.” She heard Daryl say from behind her. She stopped but didn’t grace him with anything else, her vision was skimming the path she was going to take.

“Who are you?” His voice was louder and she knew he was right behind her. She licked her lips and thought back to the first time she’d introduced herself to the hostile redneck of the camp. How brave she’d felt at that moment despite his short and curt responses.

_I’m not her anymore. I am a better ghost than I am a human being._

“Nobody.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments on the last chapter. I appreciate every single one. You're all angels.  
> Just a note: Things aren't always what they seem, this story steers in a lot of different directions and each chapter leads you to believe one thing until you read the next. In fanfic, us authors are frequently bashed for either writing characters with too many flaws or writing a straight up 'Mary Sue'. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with either of them but what I will say is that it's worth sticking with the story and being patient before making a judgement on which one (If any) a character is. Sometimes, they may surprise you the more you get to know them ;)  
> This is also a request so I work closely with the lovely lady that asked me to write this for her. I am honoured and so thankful that she trusted me to write such an amazing character and plotline. I am absolutely loving writing every chapter of it and can't wait for what's to come because there's LOADS! She's way more creative than she thinks as she came up with this whole thing, I just throw some extra scenes in and a few curveballs for good measure. So thank you, you're amazing.  
> <3

A daily routine had become commonplace for Jess in order to preserve her sanity and to prevent her from overthinking and dwelling on the lives she’d taken, the people she’d lost and the one person she couldn’t help but think of when she was alone. He angered her. Who did he think he was? How dare he still consume her thoughts. Even when he wasn’t in front of her, walking through Alexandria or sat on his front porch where he smoked or watched the world go by with baby Judith, he was still bothering her. Her mind was fraught with mixed emotions. She missed him, she hated him, she cared about him and the thing that irritated her the most, was her constant need to be near him.

She didn’t know if he had any idea who she was but his abrupt and rude treatment of her was telling enough. Even if he had a clue, he couldn’t be sure and to him, she was still the strange, quiet woman in the mask that he had very little trust in. But as with most things, time began to mend the sharp, jagged shards of the relationship between them and after three weeks, they barely uttered a word to one another unless they were forced to work together on something for Deanna. Basic conversation and one-word answers were accepted as the limit of their interaction but the more time Jess spent near him, the more she felt the raging urge to reveal who she really was.

The snappy remarks ceased but the suspicious glares continued and with each time she felt his eyes on her, she felt the rising anxiety in her chest. The same anxiety that she felt back at the quarry, fueled by her intense crush on him. That was something else that angered her; how he’d somehow managed to go to hell and back and come out better looking for it. Jess had lost weight, there was no if’s and but’s about it, but that meant little when all of the same insecurities remained. Hiding behind armor and a mask meant that although it couldn’t be seen, she still felt them like a blade to her skin.

Part of her daily routine was to clear the Walkers from around the town’s walls. Small numbers gathered, attracted to noise from the gate and the houses on the inside. Once she’d done a clean sweep, she’d pick off any animals that could be used for food. Killing Walkers was probably Jess’s forte in life now, born from endless days of working her way through a city looking for food and supplies in order to live another day. She used the wanderers in the streets as daily practice, much like she still did with the Walkers around the walls through a reluctance to become complacent. Ben provided her with her one on one, Walker killing training while the corpses gathered below, waiting for the next noise to follow were where she gained enough skill to deal with more than one at once. She’d made mistakes, almost got herself killed once or twice, dropped her weapons, been bitten and thanked the stars above that she had armor covering her forearm at the time. But through her mistakes she prevailed, improved and learned valuable lessons. The main one being to never become backed into a corner.

She flicked her Machete towards the floor, dispelling the coagulated blood from the blade. It painted a dark, crimson, dotted line in the dust as she walked over it, attaching the weapon to her belt and arming her bow. For the past week, she’d noticed the numbers of squirrels and rabbits declining. Walkers were only able to capture a certain amount due to their lumbering frames and clumsiness and so, the decreasing numbers pointed to one thing; their habitat was changing and they were not breeding as rapidly as before. That morning, she’d only seen one squirrel which had managed to escape as purely a matter of timing, it had seen her before she’d spotted it. She tilted her head back, squinting in the sun as the small animal raced across the branches and she considered that there would be no squirrel stew for at least a week at this rate. Lowering her vision, she froze when a figure emerged from the trees in her path.

Daryl lowered his crossbow, the desire to point sharp weapons or firearms at her now all but a distant memory, although her snarky attitude and standoffish responses to his necessary conversations when they were forced to work together prodded at his temper. She was infuriating, impossible but still fascinating.

She also let her bow drop and her shoulders relaxed. She continued along her path, undeterred by his presence, as she approached him, he backed up and they circled around one another with a split second of eye contact that Jess quickly put a stop to. As he turned and ambled away from her, the image of his angel winged vest consumed her with nostalgia and memories of days spent in the woods, learning from him and admiring his courage and strength. Nights sitting a top of the RV, sharing playful digs at one another and enjoying comfortable silences. Her heart lurched and she grit her teeth under her mask.

_Why can’t I hate you?_

“You won’t find any animals this close to the walls.” She called out to him. He stopped and she picked up on him nod, almost to himself. As if he was expecting some kind of comment. “If the Walkers don’t get them, I do and their numbers are declining.”

Daryl shifted to face her and slung his crossbow over his shoulder. The muscular terrain of his arm as it held onto the strap sent a wave of annoyance through her.

_You’re stronger than this. Stop looking at him like that._

“You hunt” He grunted. An obvious statement. He knew she hunted; he knew she hunted because Deanna asked her to. But he wanted to hear it from her.

“Every morning. I’m not as good as you.” She expressed. “You’re an exceptional tracker. It’s very impressive.”

The compliment had left her lips before she’d had time to register it. Like some kind if default setting that couldn’t be changed. There was no lie in her observations, Daryl was excellent at what he did and as he was an intuitive and effective tracker, Jess’s abilities were in moving, unseen and observing. Having spent so long in the city and sharing it with thousands of Walkers, she’d become adept at slinking through the darkness and becoming nothing but a faint echo. It minimized her need to fight and allowed her to pass by some groups of survivors without them ever knowing she was there. Daryl shifted his weight from one leg to the other, his expression bemused.

“How do you know that?” He asked.

Jess shrugged, outwardly collected but inwardly raging with nerves at such a frank and spontaneous chat. She had not planned this and cursed herself for following her heart and not her head. She fiddled with the arrow in her hand, twirling the thin piece of wood between her fingers and tapping it against her thigh. When she saw his vision drop to her nervous display, she immediately ceased moving and hoped he wouldn’t remember how she used to tap her thigh when she was nervous from before.

“I’ve seen you.”

“Right. Yeah. You see everything, don’t ya?” He commented in a tone laced with disapproval.

“You’re a good tracker. I’m a good ghost.” She reasoned.

He grunted and lifted his other hand which reached up and rubbed at the back of his shoulder. Already in turmoil over what to say or not say next and in the middle of figuring out how she felt about delivering such a sudden compliment to him, she turned, sighed loudly and walked ahead.

“Thanks” He said loudly “For the compliment”

Slowly but surely, Daryl’s guard was diminishing and he was starting to believe that the masked ghost of Alexandria wasn’t actually out to hurt anyone. Logic told him that if her intentions had indeed been of malice, he would have seen some death and destruction by now and all he’d really seen was how hard she worked to maintain her end of the deal she had with Deanna. As he’d stopped making snappy remarks to her, in turn, she’d followed suit, although she was still very much an ice queen. He shook his head and half smiled when he saw her raise a hand as she walked away, gesturing to him that she’d heard him. 

An hour later and Jess’s efforts had turned up two rabbits that wouldn’t go further than feeding one household for lunch. Alexandria had its rations, tins and non-perishables that were reserved and only given out in accordance with strict distribution rules that were made to be fair and just for all. But when the town had enough meat, food went further. Dishes could be made in bulk and collected from the pantry each afternoon and Jess admittedly felt a sense of pride when she was able to bring back something as big as a buck. But it had been a long time since she’d acquired such a prize and now, with Daryl’s hunting expertise, she could only hope that he would have more luck than her. But not too much, she didn't want to be shown up, after all.

After pausing briefly to adjust to the heat, footsteps in the distance rendered her motionless, she strained to hear, turning her ear to the direction the steps echoed from. Then, the sounds of panting and panicked scuffing on the ground. She sprang to her feet, readying her bow and charging through the trees, branches whipped at her legs and torso, the result dulled by her thick, now mainly leather armor. As she drew closer, she could see a Walker staggering around in a clearing, grappling with a live human who was grunting and trying to show it away. Her mouth dropped open inside her mask when it occurred to her that she knew the person.

She raised her bow, lining up the dead man's head as a target and steadied her breathing. It had to be a good shot, not one of her lesser, slightly off target attempts. The man's clothing caught her eye. The same maintenance uniform that Ben had been wearing back at her apartment in the city. But it wasn't the time for reminiscing. She breathed out slowly, releasing the string and hearing the sickening _thud_ of the arrow embedding its self into the side of the Walkers head. It stepped back and dropped, revealing a red-faced and breathless Carl scrambling backwards across the ground and throwing up dead leaves as he moved. Jess slowly approached him, checking on the lifeless Walker crumpled on the floor first. It was a rule of her own, always double check the bodies. She’d learned the hard way while training with her bow that while a shot my seem as though it’s worked, the arrow may not penetrate the softened skull enough to cause trauma to the brain, meaning the Walker still moves and can still get up. She looked down at the terrified boy at her feet and held out her hand.

“What are you doing outside the walls, kid?” She demanded.

“I saw a girl climb over. I was looking for her… to see if she’s OK.” He rambled as he gripped her hand and allowed her to help him to his feet. He dusted off his clothes and Jess plucked a leaf from his sheriff’s hat.

_Still wearing daddy’s hat._

“Enid .” She said bluntly.

Carl startled at the sound of the girl’s name.

“Yeah, how do you-?” He started

“-She’s fine. I’ll walk you to the gate.”

Jess was performing one of her earlier clear ups of the area around the walls when she’d first noticed Enid scale the high structure and drop down the other side. It had only been a week since Jess agreed with Deanna to trial an understanding between them and in that week she’d gathered a lot of information about certain people. Enid being one of them. It was obvious the girl was traumatized and trying to work through some heavy issues, much like Jess was when she’d settled in the safety of her city apartment. She understood the need for space and so spent time keeping a watchful eye over the teenager as she found a spot in the woods and settled, needing to just…be.

It wasn’t in Jess’s plan to get caught looking out for Enid, more it was a clumsy accident when she tripped over one of her own snare traps and looked up to find the girl staring at her in horror. Jess shoved away her own embarrassment and cleared her throat.

“I get why you need to be out here sometimes.”

Was all she said and within seconds it was like an unwritten contract that passed between them. Edith could leave the town whenever she wanted and as long as she didn’t take any unnecessary risks or venture too far, Jess would watch over her. 

Carl suddenly stopped, dropping back from Jess who slowly turned her head to see him stood still with his hands in his pockets, his eyes bright and confidently trained on hers.

“You still think Dr Strange can fix all this?”

Jess’s entire body flooded with dread. _Shit. He knows._

“I knew it was you on the road. I just didn’t say anything.”

An involuntary whoosh of air left her lungs and she almost buckled over. If Carl had figured it out so soon, then who else was in possession of such knowledge and keeping it to themselves? Was her entire plan blown? Would she have to come clean to everyone? To Daryl? She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, composing herself and standing back up straight.

“Who else have you told?” She questioned.

“Nobody.” He replied as he kicked dried leaves around with his sneaker.

“Keep it that way.” She ordered.

Carl surged towards her, his hands now shooting up from his pockets and into the air beside him.

“Why?! They will be so happy to see you!”

Jess flinched away, almost with disgust at a big, family reunion where everyone fake smiled and pretended everything was perfect because it wasn’t perfect, it was far from it. No one missed her and she didn’t matter. She knew that much. So, what was the point in any of them knowing?

Then there was Daryl. For old times sake, for all the good times they had, she wanted him to know the truth. But a simple, overheard sentence and a lack of action to defend her reminded her that he didn’t even care about her in the first place, so why would it be any different over a year later?

“No one is happy to see me, Carl. I’ve found a way of surviving that suits me. No ties, no emotional manipulation. Just me. You need to stay out of the woods. It’s not safe. Come on.” She told him, carrying on towards the gate.

“No!” he yelled at her. “You need to tell them! You don’t know what we’ve been through, we need this. This is good news. We need good news. You’re alive. All this time we thought you were dead.” Jess stared at him in shock. Not only was he yelling at her, he was trying to make her believe that any of them cared about her enough to actually be happy she was there. “What about Daryl? He was your friend and I know he’d be happy to see you. He looked for you!”

“You don’t know anything, Carl. Not really.” She mumbled sadly.

“I’m not a kid anymore, Jess. I had to grow up pretty fast. Please, tell them who you are.” He pleaded.

“I’ll think about it. Now move before I have to knock you out and drag you back by your arm.”

Silenced by her stubbornness and flat refusal to follow his request, he stomped along behind her, dragging his feet and looking up at their surroundings every now and then for any sight of the girl he’d followed over the wall. 

“So…Enid…” He mentioned warily, hearing Jess sigh loudly. She wasn’t going to get away with offering no explanation as to how she knew her and could be so certain that she was safe enough.

“She comes out here sometimes. She’s used to being on the outside, sometimes she just needs it to keep her sane. You don’t need to follow her. I keep an eye on her.” She explained.

“You two friends?”

“No. We have this unspoken rule, that’s all.”

“Do you have _any_ friends?” Carl continued.

_Jesus, kid. Easy with the questions._

Feeling her temper fray, she told herself that Carl was inquisitive and curious, the world around him had changed at a rapid pace and humanity it’s self was changing, becoming worse in some areas and there was no doubt he was going to have questions about near enough everything. Right at that moment, his attention was focused solely on the dramatic change in Jess.

“I told you. I don’t have ties to anyone or anything.” She replied.

From her peripheral vision, she saw his curiosity step up to the next level as he sped up and began walking at the same pace to gain a better view of her armor and weapons. It was just Carl, but she was still self-conscious, not that she would ever show it on the outside.

“You got pretty badass.” He commented with a pursed lip and a nod. “That mask is cool. You sound totally different. What is that? Army issue or something? You have a kinda Mad Max thing going on.”

Her head slowly worked to the side and she raised an impressed eyebrow at him.

“Your dad let you watch Mad Max?” She asked.

“No” He grinned.

Jess stopped walking and looked down her nose at him. He could tell she was smiling behind her mask, his own grin staying put.

“That’s cool, I’ll take that. Thanks, Man.” She chuckled, gently punching him playfully in the shoulder. For the first time in a long time, a glimmer of the old Jess worked it’s way through her iron defenses and reveled in a moment of humor and jest with Carl. The connection to who she really was became stronger the more she observed Carl smiling brightly back at her.

“You look different. Good different.” He stated

“What are you, like a teenager now?” She queried as she slowly carried on towards the gate. He took the hint and walked by her side.

“Just turned Thirteen.”

“Thirteen, huh? No wonder you’re chasing girls through the woods.” She quipped.

“It’s-it’s not like that. I-”

“It’s a joke, Carl. Chill your beans.”

The rest of the morning heralded hardly any results for Jess as she slogged through the high temperatures, desperately trying to find something else she could present as food. But the area seemed to be stripped bare and she began to convince herself that if the community was to continue to thrive, it needed to widen it’s geographical hunting area.

As she waited by the gate for the guard to signal down, Daryl emerged from in between two derelict houses with a large deer draped over his shoulders and his crossbow swinging from one of his hands by his side. Sweat covered his arms, chest and face and she figured he’d carried it through the thick heat from some distance away.

By comparison, Jess felt about two inches tall as she waited patiently with her two rabbits hanging on string from her grip. Humiliation flooded through her and she let out a long and seething breath while Daryl stood next to her and squinted at the argument that ensued behind the gate, where man and woman were shamelessly debating who’s turn it was to be on the gate while the two hunters lingered on the other side.

Jess attempted to throw a casual glance Daryl’s way. To be able to see her past the hulking deer across his broad shoulders he had to turn his torso.

“Nice white tail.” She commented in an attempt to brush off her embarrassment at her feeble prize.

“Thanks” He remarked in reply. “Nice cotton tails”

Behind her mask, Jess smiled.

_Asshole._

Daryl sucked both lips into his mouth, stifling a smirk and turning his body to face the gate again. As the couple behind the barrier began to escalate their fight, Jess and Daryl stood side by side. The need to explain herself was overwhelming. She’d presented herself as capable and smart and now, he was going to think that she’d spent all morning hunting and only turned up with two small game. It was true, but she didn’t want him to think that.

“I had a bad morning.” She said quietly.

“OK” he nodded, now failing to hide his smile which Jess had picked up on when from the corner of her eye when he swayed slightly with the deer, revealing a decent view of his face. She heard the gate lock release and strode forwards, slipping through the gap on the way to the pantry and making sure she put a decent distance in between them before she let herself chuckle quietly at the situation.

_That’s the last time I compliment his tracking skills._

* * *

Deanna’s first house meeting with the new group was organized with the main point on the agenda being to find out how everyone was settling in after almost three weeks in their new homes. She asked for updates with all of their jobs, ideas to improve the town and revised the security detail after Rick pointed out that an unmanned rifle up in the watchtower was going to do diddly squat to deter any potentially hostile groups of survivors.

Jess usually didn’t bother with Deanna’s meetings. Preferring to hang around until they finished and take the chance to catch up with the town’s leader on a one to one basis. A weekly report was all Deanna asked of her. Walker numbers around the community, any sightings of live people they should be concerned about, hunting success or lack thereof. Then, Jess would bid her farewell and go back to her daily routine which, after her morning perimeter walks and hunting was mainly hers to do with as she pleased. Most of her time was spent at her fairground home, which she used as her haven away from the world. She’d worked hard on it and over the weeks it had become more than comfortable, it was cozy and she couldn’t think of a single reason why she would ever want to leave it.

As she hopped up the steps of Deanna’s front porch, she picked fur and dried blood from her gloves, so engrossed in her task that she failed to notice the room full of people she casually walked into when she entered the living room. Her eyes slowly rose from her gloves to the many shoes and boots in front of her. Then, up to the 13 or so strong group that filled the room. The quiet was deafening and if she wasn’t wearing a hood and mask, her alarm would have been all the more evident.

“Ah. Parker! Please come in. We were just discussing how everyone was settling in” Deanna cried enthusiastically. “Won’t you sit?”

“Right. No. I’m good here.” Jess quickly dismissed, backing up to the nearest wall and using it for support. 

“Would you like to tell everyone what your role is here?”

_Not really._

“Um… I keep the perimeter clear of Walkers. I don’t live here. I have my own land at a Fairground around ten minutes’ walk from here and you’d all do well to keep your distance. I shoot anyone that steps foot past my fences without permission. There are traps, snares and explosives around my home. So, you stay on your side, and I’ll stay on mine.”

Blank faces peered back at her from around the room, all but Carl who was grinning from ear to ear. Jess avoided his gaze as best she could, knowing that his beaming face would shatter her thin composure. Jess saw Abraham let out a quiet chuckle and shake his head. He leaned over to the woman beside him, Rosita and whispered into her ear. Hardly a lip-reading genius, Jess was still sure she witnessed him say ‘She’s a firecracker.” Rosita who couldn’t have looked more unimpressed shot him a death glare before rolling her eyes.

“That wasn’t quite the explanation I had in mind but, thank you.” Deanna said awkwardly.

At the back of the room, Aaron smirked and Eric nudged him in the ribs. They were used to Jess’s blunt and bossy attitude more than most after having spent more time with her than anyone else. But the fact that she was softer and more relaxed with them behind closed doors was not lost on them. They considered it a privilege, even if she was still a huge mystery to them. 

Almost forgetting the reason she’d turned up at the house in the first place, Jess stepped forwards and summoned up the courage to speak before lifting a hand and making sure her mask was securely in place.

“I have a request.” She announced at Deanna, who nodded graciously and allowed her to continue. “My truck is broken and I need to travel further outside of the safe zone in order to hunt and bring back more food. The numbers of animals around here is dwindling, the Walkers are getting some of them but it seems the others just aren’t breeding. I’d like to suggest the building of pens and cages to house animals that can be bred.”

“That’s a good idea.” Rick added “We need to think long term. We just need more land.” Carol nodded in agreement from his side on the couch and scribbled something down in a notebook she was holding.

“Deanna, could we maybe move the walls further out somehow?” Aaron offered.

Deanna studied the faces of everyone that had spoken, her mind ticking over so obviously that no one else dared to interrupt. Jess was pleased at the reaction to her idea, initially thinking it would be ignored or brushed to the side like she always used to be. Back before the turn.

“It’s possible. But it will take a lot of work and the risks of the danger outside during the process are great.” Deanna explained.

“We can help. Build temporary pens for now. In fact, I’ll oversee it.” Rick offered.

“Me too.” Abraham agreed.

Jess noticed more and more people nodding, willing to lend a hand. Deanna’s eyes fixed on her.

“Parker, you know the rules-”

“-Oh, don’t give me that, Deanna. I’ll be fine.” Jess scoffed to the surprise of everyone else. Her attitude towards Deanna was always respectful, but bordering on exasperated due to having to follow so many rules and regulations. She admired her as a leader, how she had this grand vision of how she wanted the community to be, how they would become totally self-sustainable and completely protected. It was all castles in the sky to Jess, but she had to give her credit for her dream.

“We do not allow anyone to venture outside of the safe zone surrounding this town on their own. Every time we have in the past, we’ve lost someone.” Deanna reminded her.

“Yeah, well I’m not just ‘anyone’. I lived out there alone for a long time. You can make an exception to this rule.” Jess argued.

Alexandria’s rules grated on Jess at first. She’d refused to give up her bow and Deanna let it slide, reasoning that as she looked after their security, she needed it. But Jess was expected to abide by the geographical boundaries established by Deanna and her late husband. She believed they kept people safe and out of the sights of any dangerous, rival groups. It also meant that deaths by Walkers were kept to a minimum and anyone that wanted to cross the boundaries was required to do so in the company of another person, disclose fully the position on the map they would occupy and a time frame for their trip. Like everyone else, Deanna was tired of losing people and felt each death like it was personal to her. So, the rules were upheld and it was something she was not going to budge on.

“Parker, you are an exception to a lot of our rules, you know that. I allow you to come and go as you please with that bow and that blade and I say nothing. But I can’t sway on this one. You have become too valuable to this community. We can’t lose you.”

Jess huffed and shook her head, painfully away of the room of eyes all pointed at her.

“You can go and I will agree for you to take one of the trucks. But you will take someone else with you.”

“For god sakes.” Jess complained under her breath. “You know I can-”

“-I’ll go.” Daryl interrupted from the window ledge. Until that point, Jess wasn’t even aware he was in the room. He’d said nothing and simply observed as things unfolded around him. Until something piqued his interest.

“Mr. Dixon, that is kind of you.” Deanna smiled.

“Seriously?” Jess sighed. “I don’t need a fucking babysitter.”

“Language, please, Parker.” Deanna scolded.

“I know this terrain. We go out, get some animals. Get it done. Sooner the better, seasons changin’.” Daryl expressed

“Then you have my approval. The two of you can take one of the large trucks from the street. You’ll have to rig it up with straps and cages, or any animals you catch will be battered to death by the time you get back. Take the appropriate weapons from Olivia in the armory and please give me a rough idea of when you intend to return.”

“Jesus” Jess hissed under her breath.

_What have I got myself into?!_

Daryl got up from the windowsill and caught Rick’s eye. Jess could hear a quiet conversation about what animals they were likely to find and be able to trap and how much space would be needed while everyone else in the room began to converse amongst themselves before gradually filtering out of the room.

Jess found herself stalking across the street, put out by Daryl’s intervention and having to accept that she would be spending at least an entire day with him if not longer. It meant she would not be able to remove her mask or hood for the duration of the trip and conversation would be kept basic.

She recoiled and whirled around when someone tugged at the leather bracer on one of her forearms. Carl was standing before her, his hands up and open, signaling he hadn’t anticipated such a strong reaction.

“Sorry” He apologized.

“It’s fine. What do you want?” She snapped. He moved closer to her, taking a brief glimpse over both shoulders to make sure the group were a safe distance away. They were now filtering back towards their homes and duties.

“Why didn’t you tell them? That was the perfect opportunity.” He wanted to know.

Frustration welled in her chest and for a moment she turned her body away, needed to compose herself so she didn’t explode at the kid in the middle of the street. The sun beat down on his tatty sheriffs’ hat and his big eyes pleaded with her. It was tempting and that was what was starting to get to her.

“I never agreed to tell them in the first place. Let it go, Carl.” She retorted, stepping away from him. He moved to the side, blocking her path and challenging her, she blinked at him in disbelief.

“At least tell Daryl when you go to get the animals. You’ll be alone with him. It’s perfect.”

Jess leaned down to him, inches from his face and jabbed a finger at his chest.

“No, Carl.” She growled.

Carl, undeterred by her resistance and even more determined than ever, noticed Daryl approach from behind her and deliberately raised his voice.

“Just tell Daryl!” He cried.

“Tell me what?” Daryl’s voice from behind her almost pushed her off the edge. Now clinging to the last threads of her temper, she grit her teeth and stepped back with both of them in her view.

“Uh…That you’re gonna have to keep up so I can keep an eye on you.” She lied.

Daryl looked confused for a moment as a memory hit him out of the blue. He was in the woods with Jess, back at the Quarry, teaching her how to survive. He’d used the exact same phrase. He shook his head, trying to shake away the longing he still felt for her sometimes. Longing for a conversation with her again, for her understanding of who he was, for her tuneful giggle at his attempt at humor. He hated thinking about her now, it only brought sadness and regret. He wished he didn’t think about her at all. But he did. Every single day.

“Aint no danger of that.” He corrected, pushing away his thoughts of before. “Deanna gave me this.” He held up a map. “Should talk about where we’re gonna hit.”

Carl nudged Jess in the arm and shot her wink before he walked away. Daryl caught the small gesture but paid it no mind, It had come to his attention that she was more willing to talk to everyone else than she was to him. Abraham seemed to happily receive any humorous remarks she made, Carl apparently had some kind of private joke with her, Aaron and Eric’s house was where she slept some nights and Deanna was the only one that could order her around and get away with it.

“OK. Fine. I’ll meet you on your front porch in ten minutes.” She told him. She hadn’t even realized that her legs were already taking her in the opposite direction. A subconscious reaction that meant she needed to put some distance in between them even just for a few minutes before she had to resume the pretense that she didn’t know him from Adam and that she wasn’t altogether maddened by his volunteering to be a part of her mission. If she was honest with herself, the flicker of excitement in the pit of her stomach refused to simmer down and she knew she would be forced to sit with the conflict through the entire trip.

* * *

Daryl spent more time on the front porch than inside the house and he spent more time outside in the woods than inside with the community. Always an outcast where ever he was. He frequently sought solace in being alone, something he’d been more than comfortable with since he was a child.

Some nights consisted of carving bolts and sharpening his hunting knives, readying himself for the next hunt. Others were less intentional and a pack of smokes and a shallow tumbler of hard liquor was the only thing he had to occupy himself. In the early evenings, he’d sit with Judith on his lap and read to her. A past time he’d grown fond of and didn’t expect to enjoy as much as he did. Try as he might, he couldn’t understand why Judith appeared to fall into a fascinated silence as soon as he opened the book, but it was the one part of the day that Carol, Carl and Rick got to pass her onto her ‘Uncle Daryl’ and wait until she fell asleep.

He’d scoffed at the title when Carol first coined it. He never gave a thought to being an uncle at any point in his life, figuring that Merle was more likely to conceive a life sentence over a child. But his close friendship with Rick led to him gaining a new brother and in turn, a family he was ferociously protective over.

Upon leaving Carl and Parker in the street, he settled in his usual seat on the porch and smoked a cigarette while he waited. Through the gaps in the houses opposite he could see her, the flash of the machete blade shining in the suns rays as she paced slowly back and forth. Her hand jabbed at her thigh as she wandered, an obvious stress reaction. Her head was low, her face obscured as always. He had so many questions. Some, he may never ask. The main one playing on his mind as he watched her ritualistic pacing; why are you so nervous?

When she arrived, Jess raised a hand in greeting to Daryl as she climbed the steps and pulled out the chair across the table from him, placing her bow against the house beside her. She settled down and got to the task in hand by scanning the map that was open on the table between them. Her eyes threatened to lift to his face more than once, but she resisted, knowing that their icy blueness would only scatter her thoughts and risk exposure.

“Said you know the terrain.” She mentioned. “How well?”

“Pretty well.” He replied, leaning forwards in his seat and placing a finger on a dark area of the map. Dense woodland surrounded by fields. “Right here is the best chance we got. These patches of land are farms. We should check ‘em for chickens, goats and sheep.”

“Been a while since the turn, chances of them being alive are slim.” Jess considered.

“Never know. Some of ‘em mighta got out, be runnin’ around in the woods. Only problem is, there’s small towns on either side. The people, they probably ran outta the towns-”

“-Thinking they’d be safer in the woods. Meaning Walkers followed them.”

she concluded.

“Exactly. Gonna have to be smart ‘bout this.”

“Tomorrow morning? Sunrise?” She proposed boldly as she rose from her seat and collected her bow. He nodded and ficked a hand carelessly in the direction of the gate.

“Meet ya outside.”

Deciding not to say anything else or bid him a polite farewell, she quickly left the porch and set off for the gate, needing to get back to her own personal space and think about what the next day might bring.

* * *

Furniture that Aaron helped scavenge, rugs, an actual bed with a fur blanket and certain working machines in her diner of a settlement made the whole place more a home and less of a temporary shelter. Candles in holders screwed to the walls were her source of just enough light not to draw attention through the boards on the windows from the outside.

She pulled her hood and mask off and lay on her front on the bed. Reaching under the pillow, she retrieved her journal, which she had not used since arriving in the city all alone. Aside from not feeling the need to write and having the luxury of telling Ben everything, she felt that the book it’s self had done nothing but cause her pain. It was a black and white piece of evidence that testified to how she really felt. All her innermost demons, insecurities and fears. She did still fear. But rather than fearing the dead, or the evil that humans could do, the thing she feared most was herself. She knew who she really was, but she had lost so much of it over the last year she wondered if it would disappear altogether. She opened the cover to find one of the pens Daryl had found for her and twisted it around in her fingers before setting it to the paper and beginning to write.

_Being in such close proximity to him without him knowing it’s me is so strange. It’s terrifying me. I feel a need to watch over him. I still care about him and I hate myself for it, because I meant nothing to him. I guess that’s always been a flaw of mine. Caring about people that wouldn’t lend me a dime. He infuriates me. I get so angry when I’m around him but when I’m not, it’s like I need to see him. I’m drawn to him. I don’t know why._

_Maybe I should just tell him. Just try. Maybe things will have changed. We’ve both changed after all._ _I just can't risk getting hurt again. I can't take it._

She slammed the journal shut and heaved herself up from the bed, crossing the room and catching sight of herself in a full-length mirror on the wall. She was a lot thinner, having lost over half of what she weighed when she reached the city. At first, she didn’t even notice it dropping off. But then her pants were too big and she found she could train for longer and longer. First, it was through lack of food but then though exercise and months of rigorous training while she moulded herself into a survivor and shed her identity. She knew she looked totally different, the only thing remaining the same being her eyes and facial features. Even her voice was different with her mask on. On the outside, it looks like she had washed off every ounce of her individuality and became nothing but a shadow. A shadow with only one name.

* * *

The next morning brought with it more blazing sunshine and suffocating hot temperatures. The drive was long and quiet with only a few words exchanged. Jess felt more emotionally vulnerable than ever, finding herself constantly looking at Daryl as he drove. Half way through the journey, she slid some sunglasses on in the hope that it would hide her obsession with him and avoid any awkward questions.

He didn’t look any different. The same leather vest, ripped jeans and laces tied around his ankles. That same, red bandana he always had in his back pocket. The same gruff and indifferent attitude. All the same things about him she liked before. She still liked them now.

Upon arrival at the first farm, Jess couldn’t believe her eyes when she entered the barn, bow poised and expecting a huge shed full of Walkers or people waiting to take her down. But instead, she found four sheep and a pen full of chickens. They were skinny, malnourished and in need of medical attention but she couldn’t help but laugh from the doorway, unable to believe her luck. It was looking like her long and awkward trip with Daryl would be cut short sooner rather than later.

Daryl appeared at her side, also lowering his crossbow when he realized there was no threat.

“Well this was easy.” He commented.

“I was thinking the exact same thing. How the hell did they survive in here for so long?”

Daryl’s eyes scanned the inside of the barn, stopping on the large, metal tanks mounted on the walls in the pens.

“Those” He said, pointing to them. “Fill ‘em with animal feed, set a timer to go off each day. Got a drip feed ya aint gotta touch ‘til it runs out. They got their water tanks too.”

“For all that time? Since the turn?” She asked.

“Naw. There are a couple bodies in the house. Look like they only been dead a month or so. Don’t think these guys were actually alone for that long.” He expressed.

The two bodies in the house were without a doubt the owners of the property, both heads blown off and both sets of hands clutching family photographs taken outside the very barn that Jess and Daryl stood in.

“Good, it means we can fix them up and hopefully they’ll breed.” She said as she wandered inside and started unravelling a length of rope from a hook on the wall.

“I’mma go hunt, see if I can take somethin’ decent back.”

Far from wanting to argue, Jess figured she would just have to move the animals alone and hook them up inside the truck herself. The sheep would be easy enough, the chickens were going to be the main problem. But asking for his help was the last thing she wanted to do.

“Be back in two hours, I wanna get these animals to Alexandria as soon as possible.”

“Alright.” He grunted, disappearing from sight.

It took Jess almost the full two hours just to chase the chickens around the pen alone. With one particularly spritely hen causing absolute chaos when she refused to let Jess grab a hold of her. She cawed and screamed as loud as her lungs would let her and when Jess finally managed to capture her by throwing her jacket over her, she considered wringing her neck.

“Your name is Sarah. You hear me?” She spat as she carried the troublesome chicken to the truck and tossed it inside.

She slammed the door and leaned her back against the cool metal, catching her breath and letting the breeze blow through her hood. It was times like this when her clothing and survival wear proved to be impractical. But it was rare and not enough to make her want to wander around in a sleeveless vest like Daryl.

Her eyes moved over to the farmhouse, the door still swinging open from where Daryl had scoped it out upon their arrival. She straightened up and headed inside to search for anything else useful.

* * *

It was another half an hour before Daryl returned with a sash full of squirrels and two rabbits hanging from his belt. Not huge kills by any stretch of the imagination, but meat none the less and Jess figured Alexandria would be OK for a while at least. His timekeeping left a little something to be desired.

“You’re late.” She complained.

“Yes I am.” He proclaimed to the rolling eyes of the masked woman sat in the driver’s seat. She’d decided that she was the one that was going to drive them home and he was not about to argue.

Half an hour into the journey and Daryl had taken a ten-minute power nap followed by lighting a cigarette and winding the window down. Jess was surprised he’d even had the courtesy to do that, seeing as he’d thrown the dead animals he’d hunted into the footwell and left them there. They were beginning to smell and Jess wrinkled her nose under her mask.

“You have a group, before this?” She heard him ask through the noise of the trees that darted past beyond the open window. She hadn’t, for one second anticipated that he might ask about her past and panic began to thunder through her. Her mind raced and she knew she had to calm down and proceed with extreme caution.

“Yes.” She replied.

“They gone?”

“I don’t know.”

“You lost anybody?” His question was louder after the window was rolled back up and it struck Jess as an odd topic of conversation. She figured he might be testing her, to see how much she would disclose. Everyone had lost someone in some way or another, it seemed an obvious question to ask. But Jess knew Daryl and if he wanted to know something, it sometimes took him a while to actually say it.

_He’s curious about me._

“My family. You?”

He nodded and nibbled on his lower lip. She remembered how he did it a lot at the quarry when he was trying to express himself and was finding it difficult to get the words out.

_I know you, Dixon._

“My brother...” He mumbled.

Jess’s heart sank. Merle. Maybe he didn’t find him after he left the city. She hoped that he was alive and that Daryl just wasn’t aware of it. She hoped he was with some other group, annoying the hell out of them and offending all of their women.

“...Couple friends n’ a girl I used to know from the first camp we were in.”

Jess was biting her tongue. It was all she could do to stop herself from bursting into tears. Her stomach was churning and she felt nauseous. On the outside, she battled to keep her face straight and her eyes fixed on the road but the truth was, a heard of elephants could have charged at the truck and she wouldn’t have noticed.

_He’s talking about me._

She sucked in a quiet breath, filling her lungs and trying to clear her head so she could find the strength to reply.

“A girl, huh?” Her voice sounded slightly shakier than she’d intended, but Daryl didn’t seem to notice.

“Not like that. She was a friend.” He grumbled.

“Oh.” Jess responded as unphased as possible. “I’m sorry.”

Half of her meant it, she really was sorry. Sorry for leaving like she did with no goodbye. But the other half was lying, she wasn’t sorry at all after what she’d heard and all the times she was left to deal with the aftermath of being belittled and humiliated by herself. Daryl said nothing else for the rest of the drive and dutifully helped Jess unload the animals from the truck upon their arrival back at Alexandria. The makeshift pens were just about finished after Abraham, Glenn and Rick worked on them all day. Children poured out of their houses wanting to see the new additions and Jess stood by the open door of the truck and watched the scene. She hadn’t seen so many people smile in a very, very long time.

* * *

That night, after dinner and a shower at Aaron’s place, Jess hooked her bow over her head and headed for Deanna’s place to drop the trucks keys off. As she passed Daryl sitting on the porch with Judith, she doubled back, changing her mind and striding over to the truck. She unlocked it, delved behind the front seat and retrieved what she was looking for.

The dim glow of the porch light above them cast an angelic halo around Judith’s bright, golden hair and the soft, raspy tone of Daryl’s voice lured her closer still when she stopped on the path. She knew the story, a dog was the protagonist and Daryl was adding parts to the story that were not printed in the book. She smiled at the thought of him reading Children’s stories, Dixon style to the amazed child sitting on his lap. He still hadn’t seen her, nor did Judith know she was there and she realized she was once again torn and battling an internal war, she didn’t know if she was doing the right thing. Seconds from turning on her heels and fleeing into the night, Daryl looked up and clocked her presence.

“You need somethin’?” 

“Uh, no” She stammered.

_This is a dumb idea. Turn around, you idiot._

“When you were hunting today, I checked the farmhouse for anything useful. I found this. Thought she could use it. I had the same one when I was a kid.”

She brought her hand around her body where she'd been hiding a children’s book behind her back. She slowly took the steps and held it out to him, horrified when at first he just stared at it, then back up at her until he finally took it from her grasp. Judith squealed and sprayed her tiny fingers out, pulling the book towards her and playing with the thick pages.

Daryl looked completely and undoubtedly confused. He shifted Judith on his lap and narrowed his eyes at Jess. Feeling as though her cover was being majorly blown by her gesture and that such a thing would never be done by a masked assassin who lived in the woods and was capable of murdering a compound full of people at Terminus, she frantically thought of a way to throw him off.

“Is she yours?” She asked.

“Naw. She’s Ricks.” He replied in his gravelly tone.

“You read to her some nights.” She mentioned.

“Yeah. She likes this book about the dog. It’s her favorite.”

Judith was now happily pawing at her new book but Daryl’s attention hadn’t left Jess, who was now struggling not to tap at her leg.

“She seems to like you.” She pointed out.

Daryl finally looked down at Judith, who raised her head and flashed him a wide, toothless smile.

“She’s a good kid.” He mumbled.

As he said the words, Judith snuggled against his chest and Jess almost collapsed at the adorable sight. This man was not the kind of man she would have expected to be so good with a child. She always knew he had a sensitive side and that he had a hidden, selfless trait that was as strong as it was admirable. But seeing him with a happy little girl, reading her stories and making a regular thing of it to boot, simply astounded Jess. He may have broken her heart, but deep down, she knew he was the best kind of person.

“I’ll leave you alone.” She whispered.

She turned and adjusted her bow as she began to cross the grass.

“Parker.” She heard from behind her. She halted, her body humming with anticipation. She was no psychic but her gut was telling her he was about to say something significant. She looked over her shoulder.

“You remind me of somebody.” He told her.

It was on the tip of her tongue.

_It’s me, Jess._

“Is that a compliment?” She asked instead.

“Yeah, it is. And thanks.” He held the book up with one of Judith’s hands still clutching the edges of the pages. Jess gave him a polite nod and resumed walking, getting faster and faster until she reached Deanna’s, dropped the key into the mail box and ran for the gate.

* * *

_Maybe I was wrong about him. He’s not a bad person. Maybe he just said a bad thing. Maybe he just didn’t know how to defend me, or if he even should have done. I don’t know. I want to believe these things are true and the man I saw today is the real Daryl. But I can’t forget. I can’t forget what I heard. All the times I was alone and I needed him._

_I don’t need anyone now. But I do want some closure. I owe it to myself to find out the truth, to find out his side of the story. So, one way or another, I can move on. I have to tell him who I really am._


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long chapter. Enjoy ;)  
> I really hope this doesn't disappoint <3  
> The Walking Dead returns to your screens tonight if you are in the US. Us in the UK have to wait until tomorrow night but I think it's safe to say HAPPY WALKING DEAD DAY to all my readers!

She could see the light of the moon reflected in his eyes as she stared at him on the porch of his house. It was the middle of the night and she should have been asleep in her fairground fortress but instead, she was standing before Daryl wishing the fury was not fixed on his face as stubbornly as it appeared. Her heart was hammering and her palms were clammy inside her gloves.

“What the _hell_ did you just say?!” He demanded.

Her throat dried up and her words came out as a mere croak, she couldn’t speak properly, couldn’t think straight. He wasn’t asking her to repeat herself, he’d heard her perfectly well, his question was one of disbelief if anything else.

“It-it’s me…Jess.” She whispered. She slowly removed her hood and lowered her mask, finally revealing her face and stepping closer, further into the light from the living room window.

Daryl’s face only grew angrier and more twisted with hurt and betrayal and Jess felt as though her stomach were harboring bricks. She wanted to backtrack, to tell him that it was all some elaborate hoax but that would have made him equally as irate. He inched closer to her, squinting and letting his eyes drag down her body and back up to her nervous face. She swallowed hard.

“What the fuck?!” He spat “All this time… _all this time?”_

“Yes.” She uttered.

“How could you do this to me?” He asked quietly at first, but with every word, the volume of his voice increased as did Jess’s anxiety “Huh? You think you can just come clean n’ I’ll just forgive ya for bein’ a fuckin’ liar?! Just like that?!”

“I-”

“You bailed! You bailed on me, on all of us and now I find out you’ve been walkin’ ‘round here in this damn Halloween costume the whole time!”

Jess tried to speak, tried to reason with him and explain that she hadn’t planned any of it. She hadn’t planned to find him in the woods with follow him to Terminus, she hadn’t planned to arrange to bring them back here and she also hadn’t planned to be unable to stay away from him. She needed to keep one eye on him, because she still cared about him. So many things to say emerged at a small whimper as tears stung her eyes.

“We were ‘sposed to be friends, Jess.” He stated, now with a calmer rage than before. “But you aint no friend of mine. Not after ya left n’ then lied to me when we had a chance to go back to how we were.”

“You’re not innocent either.” She tried. “Please, just let me explain.” She begged.

“Aint nothin’ for ya to explain. When ya took me for a damn fool, ya only proved you’re more stupid than ya thought I was. Stay the hell away from me.”

With that, he flung the door open and Jess winced when it was slammed in her face, leaving her alone on the front porch. A loud sob wracked her body, her shoulders sagged and her knees gave way, her body thudding onto the wooden surface. Her hands covered her face, tears pooling around her fingers before racing down her hands, more and more of them pouring from her eyes while her mind flashed back to the Quarry. He threw her a pack of Pens from the RV. He taught her to kill a Walker. He implied her cared about her when she asked him why. With every memory came yet more salty tears and somehow, she wasn’t on the porch anymore. She was thrashing about in icy water, her arms flailing around her and trying to gain some traction to keep her head above the surface. On the shore she could see Daryl, still and watching her. Beside him were baskets of clothes for washing and beating against the rocks. There was a slope, an RV parked at the top. Her lungs filled with water when she began to tire, splutters and coughs did little to alleviate the pressure in her chest.

“D-Daryl” She gasped.

But she was sinking, the Quarry was gone and so was Daryl all that was left was the bottomless blackness and tremendous fear as the last breath of air left her lips.

* * *

Jess jolted up from her pillow, her hair stuck to her sweat covered face and her chest rising and falling rapidly. She scanned the room in panic, her hands shooting out and grasping at the sheets either side of her legs. They were real, it was all real and she was alive. She’d been dreaming. Just a dream. Her skin was burning with the adrenaline that was charging through her veins but also from the heat of the room which was acting like an oven. She figured it was considerably later than she usually woke and the sun was much higher in the sky. She raked her fingers through her hair, removing the strands stuck to her face with perspiration.

“Oh, hot damn.” She panted “It’s hotter than a preacher’s knee in here.”

The Morning light slithered through the gaps in the boards on the windows. The sun was unforgiving from mid-morning until well into the afternoon and she preferred to have been out and well into hunting by now. If it hadn’t been for Rick’s group showing up and Daryl walking back into her life, Jess would have gone back to the boat to spend the summer there. A vacation she thought she deserved but would now not be able to take. She sat herself up in bed and picked up a knife from the wooden, vegetable crate nightstand and turned it over in her hands, admiring the glint of the metal when the sunlight hit it. The knife Daryl gave her at the quarry. The knife she used for her first Walker kill. It held so much sentiment, so many memories and with those, a sense of desperate despair for something she lost but never really had in the first place.

She hardly ever used the knife anymore. It lived in her utility belt but was rarely brought out into the light of day unless she had no other choice. She leaned across her bed, dropping it onto her pile of clothes. She would wear it that day, the same as every other. But this time it would feel like it was burning a hole in her belt. It could be the crux, the thing that could spur her on to tell Daryl the truth. Or so she hoped. But if she decided against it, she didn’t have to use it. Her dream had set her back and made her doubt her intentions. There was every possibility that Daryl would react in the worst possible way and a niggling voice at the back of her mind told her that she deserved no less, that it would be a disaster and she was better off sneaking off into the shadows and staying out of his way. In her subconscious, she clearly thought that his anger would be justified and she was on the path to losing him forever.

But the idea of telling him the truth wouldn’t leave her mind, even as she went about her morning, getting dressed and making black coffee. She needed more powdered milk. Maybe she would see Daryl if she went to the pantry, maybe she wouldn’t. Should she seek him out, or leave things to fate? Fate hadn’t always been kind to her but surely, she’d earned a break.

* * *

As luck (or fate) would have it, Jess came across Daryl on her morning hunt. She caught sight of one, toned, bare arm through the trees and crept forwards until she could see him sitting on the floor with his back against a fallen trunk, a cigarette resting between his lips while his hands checked over his crossbow. It was starkly obvious he felt more comfortable outside the walls and he appeared pensive, deep in thought, maybe even sorrowful. She stepped out of her hiding place and he quickly raised his crossbow, the mechanism inside clicking with the movement. Jess held up her empty hands in surrender.

No one spoke as she stood over him but eyes were connected and she liked that he no longer become as hostile towards her, despite her sometimes standoffish attitude. She hadn’t had a weapon pointed in her direction by him for some time and concluded that was a triumph in itself. He got up and dusted his jeans down before collecting his crossbow.

“Mornin’.” he grumbled.

He shot her an uneasy look, as if he didn’t know what to say, his greeting rendered a lie by the tone of his voice. While he wasn’t hostile as such, she could tell that he was put out by her mere presence and that she still annoyed him. She gathered she’d intruded into what was his thinking time. He turned his back, dirty angel wings ready to vanish into the trees.

“Morning. How’s the hunt?” She asked.

“How’s it look to you, Robin Hood?” He snapped, stopping and standing sideways. “Every time I turn around, ya there. Can’t even think without you showin’ up. You keep to the left side; I’ll keep to the right.” He finished his cigarette and flicked it into the undergrowth.

Jess flapped her arms by her sides. It seemed on that particular morning he was still hostile and it was apparent that she could never actually be sure which Daryl she would get on any given day.

“You and Merle are two peas in a pod” She sighed under her breath as she whirled around and made tracks to the ‘left side’ of Alexandria, her ‘side’ that meant he wouldn’t have to see or speak to her while they hunted. At least she would be able to keep an eye out for Enid and maybe even Carl if he was still chasing girls through the woods. It looked as though her knife would stay in its sheath for another day, Daryl’s mood was not one she wanted to worsen and she was more than aware that her revelation might do just that.

“The hell did you just say?”

His voice shot through her head like a bullet and after an initial split second of wondering what he was referring to, her legs suddenly felt like jelly and her stomach filled with bile. It was the same question from her dream…and she had just mentioned his brother’s name. Something she never would have known if she really was a stranger to him.

_SHIT._

Her eyes focused on the muddy ground before her, the faded footprints from Daryl’s boots where he’d trudged through earlier than she’d arrived. Her vision lifted to the dense trees ahead and her eyelids slowly closed. She tried to take a breath but her entire chest began to shake, the simple act of an inhalation was now ten times more difficult than usual. She was drowning, just like in her dream.

“Hey!” he shouted. “I’m talkin’ to you! How d'ya know my brother's name?!”

_It wasn’t a dream. It was a premonition._

Inch by inch, her body rotated and she found herself faced with a furious and baffled expression that made her panic. He’d closed some of the distance between them, now nearer to her than she’d expected. She searched the corners of her mind to try and come up with a way to deal with the situation in the calm and collection manner she’d become accustomed to. Time passed, she didn’t know how much but Daryl was appearing increasingly annoyed at her lack of response and she concluded that ultimately, the only way out of this was to come clean and to do it with some semblance of confidence. She gradually swept her long coat to one side, revealing her knife holster on her belt. Her fingers plucked the fastening open and she took hold of the blade, flinching when Daryl’s crossbow swept up and he aimed at her head. Jess’s brain went into overdrive.

_Say you just knew his brother from somewhere. No, that won’t work. He will want to know how you know it’s Merle. You can’t tell more lies. More lies mean falling deeper and deeper into this deception and it will only get worse. But he’s going to hate you. Not that he cares about you anyway. Or, does he? Do you care about him? Of course, you do, or you’d be at the boat right now. You have no choice. You’re backed into a corner. Do it. Tell him._

She held up her free hand, signaling that she meant no harm and that he should let her continue. Evidently, there was still little trust between them because Daryl lowered the weapon but didn’t disarm himself completely. His finger was still planted firmly on the trigger as he held the bow at his side.

She slid the blade from the leather and her fingers clasped the cool metal of the sharp edge. Holding it aloft, she felt her eyes begin to sting.

“Do- do you remember this?” She asked with a croak. Any attempt to appear composed and confident was fading and fast. What she felt inside was a world away from the boldness with which she wanted to present herself. Below the surface, she was a scared little girl about to confess to the biggest lie she’d ever told to a person that had become important to her regardless of him treating her heart as though it was as empty and worthless as yesterdays can of beans. Whatever her reasons for such a deception, her dream had been a warning of the chance that Daryl would never forgive her.

His brow furrowed as his eyes zoned in on the knife’s handle. He instantly recognized it. Jess could tell, it was written all over his face when it crumpled and he blinked a few times like the sight would morph and change and it’d all be a big mistake.

“I told you an old friend taught me how to fight. He meant a lot to me.” She confessed.

She reached up and pulled her mask away before pushing her hood down. The sunlight hit her hair like a heater, the rays gracing her face and lighting up her skin. It was the first time she’d revealed her true self to anyone since she’d arrived, aside from when Carl had guessed and even then, she kept her disguise in place. It had to be Daryl. He had to be the first to see the face behind the mask because she wanted him to.

She could see the penny drop as he recognized her, his body recoiling in defense and his mouth dropping open.

“Hi” She uttered. “Stinky.”

Her voice was carried on the breeze and now he could hear her as clear as the day. It was Jess’s voice. The woman stood before him wearing elaborate, modified and impressive body armor, the woman who was abrupt, harsh and unapproachable, the mystery woman that he couldn’t get out of his head… was Jess, all along. He’d thought about her every day since she left. Even all those months later she still occupied his musings and he had no idea that she was right in front of him since he left Terminus.

“J-Jess?” He croaked

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“Fuck.” He spat upon the exhalation of a breath of disbelief “Fuck.”

Jess swallowed hard when it occurred to her that his reaction was the one that she’d expected the least. She re-holstered the knife that had started it all. The first weapon she’d acquired in the apocalypse and the one that got her through the woods and on her way to her city apartment. The knife he’d given her and made her keep. He blinked rapidly through bloodshot eyes and began to scan the ground, stepping one way, then the other before stopping altogether. Jess held her breath.

_Oh, lord._

He ran at her, crashing into her body and forcing her to take a stabilizing step back. A cloud of dust kicked up from the ground where his boots had skidded along the dirt. She thought she felt the exact moment when her heart snapped into two, useless pieces; it was when he whimpered against her shoulder and held onto her so tightly it was as if he was convinced that she would dissipate into nothing in his arms. Initially, she froze and her whole body turned to stone. But the more he clung to her the more her arms lifted slowly and she wrapped her fingers around his shoulder and bicep. Touching him for the first time.

“I thought…” she heard him breathe jaggedly “… thought you were dead”

Unable to speak, she said nothing but felt everything so vividly, the guilt was choking her. She closed her eyes, pushing tears from under the lids. They streamed down her face. She kept telling herself that he led her on and hurt her and that he was lying to her the whole time at the quarry, but it did nothing to quell the biting regret she endured for leaving it this long to reveal who she was.

“Ohmygod” he rasped into the shoulder of her coat. His grip on her was so tight she could feel the desperation seeping from his body into hers.

His fingers were holding her hair in a fist where it pooled in her hood and he was doing the same with a handful of fabric from back of her coat with his other hand. He had her in a vice like, white knuckle grasp and in that moment, she didn’t want to be anywhere else.

He dropped his arms, lifting his head and looked right at her, tears staining his own cheeks as he furiously bit down on his lower lip. She heard his breath catch in his throat and he stepped back, then forward again and rested his head on her shoulder. She reached up, threading her hands into his hair on either side of his head as she watched his body convulse with each breath. She had never touched him this much before, never felt his arms around her and never been able to get so close. It didn’t feel alien, like it was an out of place or new experience. It felt right. As if it was the right thing to do.

Suddenly he tore away from her, wiping at his eyes with the backs of his hands. Seeing him cry was like taking a razor to her own throat, unbearable guilt and pain raged in her chest.

_Stop crying. Please. I wasn’t expecting this. I can’t take it._

His back was facing her and she quickly rid her face of her own tears with the back of her glove. She waited without a word for him to pull himself together, because as something clicked in her head, she realized she knew exactly what he was doing. She prepared herself for the point where relief turned to rage.

“You been lyin’ to me all this time” she heard him mumble before he tilted his head to the sun, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “So, you just bail with no goodbye, then show up over a year later with this cloak n’ dagger shit n’ ya don’t think that maybe I’d wanna know it was you?!”

“I’m telling you now.” She uttered.

“I been here for six fuckin’ weeks, Jess!” He shouted, whirling around and glaring at her with a fury she had anticipated with dread. Jess wasn’t even worried about the potential danger from nearby Walkers attracted to the noise, figuring that Daryl would probably welcome it as a way of venting some of his frustration. She could also use an outlet of some kind. “You been talkin’ to me as if ya don’t even know me! You think I’m some kinda fuckin’ idiot?! Huh?!” He yelled.

“No” she shook her head. “That’s not what-”

“-Ya owe me an explanation here, this is _fucked_ , Jess. It’s _fucked_!” 

“I don’t owe you _shit_ ” she hissed out of nowhere. Her own anger was now presenting it’s self and her defenses were well and truly up. In her dream, she’d done nothing but let him vent in front of her as the Quarry camp Jess would have done. But she’d changed, evolved and built herself up along with constructing her own kingdom and methods of surviving. 

Daryl scoffed and shook his head at her, unable to believe what he was seeing and hearing. The sweet girl from the quarry camp was right there in front of him. The girl he’d thought about every day since she left. The girl he tried to find on two occasions. She was there, only she wasn’t. Not really.

“Who the hell are you? You ain’t the Jess I used to know” he spat.

“I guess all the bullshit just made me stronger.” She mumbled, the confidence she’d tried to display at the start now creeping back. “I didn’t mean to deceive you like I did.” She began to move off, away from him, mapping her escape. “I’d appreciate it if you let me tell the others, in my own time” 

“Fine. I’ll keep your secret. But I deserve to know what the hell happened with us n’ why ya just left me” He demanded.

Jess raised both eyebrows and blinked slowly at the prospect of explaining everything to him. Figuring that if he didn’t already know what he’d done, she wasn’t about to spell it out to him.

“There was no ‘us’ and I didn’t leave you, there was nothing for me to leave.” She reminded him.

“We were ‘sposed to be friends.” He pointed out

“No, we weren’t.” came her stern correction.

She swiped at another stray tear, lifted her hood and mask and removed herself from the situation, leaving Daryl with his rage in the woods.

He didn’t return to Alexandria until dusk that day, staying out in the wilderness to gather his thoughts which were marred with questions and confusion. He couldn’t make sense of any of it. She was the only person that he ever felt a connection to, he still didn’t know the reason why but the fact that she’d been running through his mind for so long, even during her absence proved that she meant something to him. Now, she was different. Her eyes were the same and so was her voice but her body had changed, she was stronger, leaner, more agile. He wondered when her soul had changed, why he was no longer important to her. If he even mattered to her in the first place.

* * *

When the sun was going down, a single flare floated up into the sky, leaving a thin trail of red smoke behind it. Jess heard the _crack_ from inside her diner abode where she had spent the day raging at herself for being unable to stop crying and thinking of nothing but Daryl. How she’d hurt him. How he’d hurt her. She supposed they were even, if it worked that way. She didn’t want to think about how stoic she’d have to seem when she next saw him, especially if it involved other people.

The noise startled her. Loud, almost like a gunshot but right above the building. She checked through the gap between the board and window frame, nothing. A regular, early evening rustling of the trees and a darkening of the woods beyond the fairground. She padded across the room, her bare feet sinking into the thick rug and unlatched the many locks on the door. She ducked her head out of the doorway, squinting up at the sky.

_What the hell is…?_

Her shoulders tensed and she breathed a deep breath. Alexandria was in trouble.

It wasn’t until the carnage was over that Jess found out what happened behind the walls. Someone had died in their home, turned and managed to break free, infecting everyone they came across and spreading death faster than anyone could have predicted.

Barreling through the gates, she took in the scene before her. To her left, Deanna and some of Rick’s group were ushering the townsfolk into the church to keep them together and safe. People were screaming and crying, holding onto their families tightly and shielding their eyes from the dead people wandering the street. To her right, Abraham was slashing his way through three Walkers with nothing but a metal pipe and a cigar clenched between his teeth. Ahead of her, Rick and Michonne were working together to kill everything dead that emerged from between the houses. Glenn was behind them, tackling his own assailant. At the opposite end of the street, Jess could see Carol, checking the houses for anyone hiding and shining a flashlight through windows. She sprinted ahead, passing Rick and giving him a quick nod with her bow aimed and ready in her hands. She slowed and took heed of the numbers around her. Three with Abraham, three emerging from each side with Michonne and Rick, one with Glenn, none with Carol. Deciding to sweep the perimeter, she ducked down a walkway at the side of Ricks home. Wishing the light was better, she crept along in pursuit of a snarling noise and when the smell hit her, her throat tensed. It was close. She backed against the house, edging closer to the corner where the Walker was dwelling. As she flung herself around the corner and went to release her arrow, she was beaten to it by a bolt flying in her direction. It hit the dead female with a splat and floored her instantly. 

Daryl was striding at her, grabbing her arm and bundling her back around the corner. His fingers dug into her arm which would have caused a certain amount of pain had she not been clad in Kevlar.

“You OK?” He asked.

“I’m fine. I just got here. How many more are there?” She said, peering up at him in the shadows over her mask.

“You shouldn’t be here. Go stay with the others in the church.” He ordered, quickly craning his neck around the corner of the building and checking the coast was clear.

“Oh. I see. Now you know who I am, I must need saving. Just like before.” She remarked.

“What? No. It’s just…we got this. You don’t need to be here.” He reasoned.

Jess stared at him, unable to fathom how she automatically had to be vulnerable and in peril because she was the fat nerd from the quarry camp. He’d seen her fight, he’d seen the change in her, yet he had dropped into protective mode nevertheless.

“How noble of you. Protecting the poor, incapable nerd.” She spat.

“What?” He asked. Not only because he didn’t hear her, but also because his attention wasn’t on her, it was on Carol, Rick and Michonne in the street, putting down the last of the Walkers.

“You didn’t hear me? I said _fuck you_.” Jess proclaimed. She ripped her arm from his grip before charging off and following the dark path around the wall.

Having to stop and calm herself after her confrontation with Daryl, she sank against the side of Deanna’s house and tilted her head up to the sky, closing her eyes and attempting to regain some control over her breathing. She knew she’d overreacted as soon as her heart rate began to settle and her body loosened up. But she still couldn’t believe how he’d jumped straight into protective mode when he’d seen, first hand how she could handle herself. It was like he still saw her as the old Jess. The ‘Little, fat chick’ as Merle had named her.

She was shoved off balance, saved only by her leg stomping on the grass and preventing her from plummeting to the floor. Hands grappled with her body, clawing feverishly with bloodied teeth gnashing at her throat. Her hands quickly raised, grabbing the dead man’s throat and pushing him back with all her might but the warmth in his skin told her he was recently deceased and therefore, stronger than some of the other Walkers. She recognized the crazed face and the cloudy eyes that gawped at her with such hunger. It was the man that lived next door to Aaron and Eric. He had two teenage sons. Having to think quickly, she heaved at his throat with all her might, letting out a loud grunt. He stumbled back long enough for her to snatch the knife Daryl gave her from her belt and slam it into his temple. The noise was sickening, an almighty _crack_ that echoed from the towns walls and the side of the house. The man slumped forwards, pinning her to the wooden slats of the wall and dribbling blood down her clothes. But Jess didn’t care, she tugged the knife out and stayed there with the Walker laying on her, her knife at her side, pooling blood on the floor while her chest rose and fell and her forehead glistened with sweat.

When Alexandria finally became quiet again and Rick was sure there were no stragglers, he re-grouped everyone outside his house. Daryl stood beside Carol and flickered his eyes up to where Jess stood, thinking she wouldn’t notice his subtle observations. But she felt every glimpse like it was a sledgehammer. She knew he’d picked up on the blood on her clothes and hands due to a lack of gloves. Jess remained indifferent and on the sidelines, she was neither a part of Rick’s group or Alexandria’s. She marched to her own band now but decided to stick around and see if she could be of any more help.

Surprising everyone by not being present in the church with everyone else, Carl ran up to his father from inside the house and flung his arms around him. Jess wondered how Rick kept his temper with such a spirited and adventurous son to keep safe as well as a baby.

 _First I find him outside the walls and now he’s not even in the church. Like hollerin' down a well telling this kid what to do._ Jess thought.

“I’ve asked Deanna to keep everyone on lockdown until we can move some of the bodies.” Rick announced after briefly scolding his son for disobeying him.

Carl caught Jess’s eye and mouthed something to her. She knew what it was, there was no mistaking it.

_‘Tell them. Please.’_

Keeping up an act was already becoming exhausting and emotionally taxing and that was without Carl’s stubborn streak. Daryl also knew now and that meant her anonymous days were numbered. She hated the thought of no longer being a silhouette without an identity, it was what had kept her alive for so long and allowed her to throw away her old misgivings and fears and become a survivor. She could stitch her own wounds and alone, by herself and in the kingdom she created for herself.

The universe had a funny way of putting things in her path. First, it was dead people that got back up again. Then, it was Daryl. After that, it was the desire and drive to be alone and work hard to better herself. Alexandria was next and it paved the way to her letting a select few people back into her cold and lonely life. Daryl appeared again after that and it just had to mean something. But he’d not shown up alone. The group of people around her turned up again too. Some of them were gone, replaced by new people but every one of them was undoubtedly loyal to the core.

Daryl agreed to keep her secret, to let her carry on living as she was. But he was right, she’d lied to him and after over a year of being alone, she knew she was no longer going to be able to deliver the apology he deserved. Instead, she would cease trying to say the words and use her actions to free him from the constraints of secrets and lies.

Her gaze lingered on Carl’s pleading face and try as she might, she could not ignore him.

She said nothing as she pulled her mask from her face and pushed her hood back.

Daryl was the first to notice her during one of his secret glances. He did a double take and realized that she wasn’t going to make him bear the burden of keeping such a huge secret from the people he cared about. Everyone was about to find out the truth and she felt her stomach grow heavy when he shots her the most heartbreaking, confused and relieved look. She didn’t know if she could take seeing him cry again and so, hoped with everything she had that he would not do so in front of everyone else.

_I wish you never left._

Carol’s eyes swept around the group, eventually landing on Jess. For a moment, she blinked and leaned to the side for a better view before her eyes grew wide and her hands flew up to her face.

“No…it can’t be.” She gasped

Faces turned to her, all of them, all at once. She felt like she was on a stage under spotlights, totally naked and being made to sing the national anthem. Not a shadow any longer, her name was being muttered between everyone.

“Jess?! Is that you?” Carol asked.

“Hi Carol.” Jess whispered.

“Oh my god!” She cried, slapping Daryl’s arm. “Daryl, It’s Jess!”

Daryl’s head was low, his eyes moving from the floor to her face intermittently. His expression was downcast but she could see a glimmer of gratitude when he looked at her.

“I know” He mumbled.

“Wait, you _know_?” Carol questioned.

“Found out this mornin’.” He told her.

Carol set off, weaving around Michonne and Rick, gently placing her hands on either side of Jess’s face. Her skin burned from the touch as if she was a demon being held by a priest. Physical contact was not something she was used to and she was still reeling from Daryl’s desperate and intense hug in the woods from hours before.

“Oh, Jess.” Carol says “look at you, you’re so different. So…so different.”

Jess didn’t speak, offering only a small smile before she shied away and stepped out of Carol’s embrace. Rick slowly walked around them, rubbing his chin and staring at her in disbelief.

“Hi, Sheriff.” She smiled at him.

“It was you, you helped us get out of Terminus. Helped with the dogs on the road. Got Aaron to bring us here?” He asked.

Jess nodded still feeling like a performing monkey and wanting to shrink away into the darkness and run back to her solitary home at the fairground. But she couldn’t get away, especially when Rick wrapped her in his arms, kissed the top of her head and held her there. She wanted to scream at the contact but appreciated his reason for doing so.

“Thank you. Thank you so much.” He uttered before releasing her. “My son, my daughter, all of us. We’re safer because of you.” She could feel her cheeks still burning and wondered if she was blushing or just extremely uncomfortable.

“I couldn’t just leave y’all out there.” She mumbled quietly.

The others presented their own greetings but kept their distance, having never met her officially before and Jess was grateful that she didn’t have to hug anyone else. Everyone swapped glances and Carol took a quick look over her shoulder at Daryl, who was looking at Jess with glassy eyes. He swiped at his nose with the back of his hand and turned on his heels, crashing into the house behind them and slamming the door in a mirror image of his exit in her dream.

“Where have you been?” Glenn wanted to know.

“Around.” She replied, her eyes briefly registering Carl, who was beaming at her from the steps of the front porch. Rick followed her gaze, noting the unsaid message that had passed between them.

_Are you satisfied now, kid?!_

“Did you _know_ about this?” Rick asked Carl.

Carl shrugged “maybe.”

“Um…” Jess began after clearing her throat. “It wasn’t my intention to deceive anyone. I just want to be left alone. Regardless of how we know each other, the same rule applies. No one is to go near my property without my permission.” She said to Rick, who by now was hanging on every word and was totally shocked at the change in her. “If there’s any more trouble, you can signal me with a flare, just like tonight. They’re kept in the armory. Aside from that, I’d appreciate it if you all just… kept your distance and refrained from discussing my true identity with anyone else. The people here don’t know my name, where I’m from or anything about me. I’d like to keep it that way.”

“Of course.” Rick agreed. “Thank you for your help tonight.”

“No problem. I’ll come back in the morning and help get rid of the bodies. Looks like hell with everyone out to lunch in here” She said, motioning to two lifeless Walkers at the side of the road. Then, she calmly walked away, raising her hood again and positioning her mask over her mouth.

* * *

Inside the house, Carol found Daryl in the kitchen, braced against the kitchen counter at the sink with his head low and his hair obscuring his face. She sighed at the sight. Daryl rarely opened up to anyone and when he did, it was always her, the two of them having shared similar backgrounds and understanding what it was like to fight, even before the world went away. Carol understood his inner conflict like no one else and as a result, knew how to handle him when he was showing signs of lashing out or distancing himself from everyone.

His hasty and dramatic departure had been witnessed by the rest of the group and they all knew without having to be told that Carol would be the one to deal with the simmering archer. She moved further into the room, taking a glass from a cupboard and approaching him, reaching around him to access the tap. He moved off like an angry animal that was being disturbed in its lair. Carol filled the glass and brought it to her lips, grateful for the luxury of having running water after such a chaotic evening. She could see he was reeling despite already having found out about Jess that morning. She observed him wander the length of the kitchen island before he stopped and met her eye. She offered him a sympathetic look.

“Quite the bombshell.” She pointed out.

“Yep.” He grunted, crossing his big arms over his chest.

“Especially for you. Are you alright? She wanted to know.

He didn’t know the answer to her question. He wasn’t sure if he was ‘alright’ or not. His head was still spinning and his chest was still tight, the confusion was still present and only worsened by her decision to tell the others the truth. He expected to have to carry the burden of such a huge secret for much longer and on the one hand he was grateful to her for him not having to endure it. But, on the other, he was furious at being lied to.

“I dunno.” He admitted honestly.

Carol took another sip from her glass and climbed up onto a stool at the island. She delicately placed the glass on the surface and kept her fingertips poised around it.

“Talk to me. Tell me how you feel.” She urged with the knowledge that unless she asked him directly, he was unlikely to disclose much at all. Since the beginning, there was no doubt that he was more forthcoming with his feelings, but he was still very much a closed book and unless he was encouraged in the right way, he would only retreat into himself until he boiled over at someone unsuspecting and undeserving.

“I’m pissed. I’m real fuckin’ pissed.” He confessed.

To her surprise, he also settled on a stool opposite her and leaned his elbows on the marble countertop with his hands clasped together. It was almost like he was telling her that he didn’t want to discuss it, but he needed to.

“Understandable.” She replied.

“But I’m happy she’s alive.” He continued “Seein’ her again…the way she is. It’s weird. She ain’t the same.”

Carol half smiled at his obvious observation of Jess’s evolution and his complete ignorance of his own. He had matured, developed a better handle on his temper, used his logic and intuition to help Rick make some tough decisions and earned the respect and trust of everyone in the group. She was proud of his journey and wished he could see it as she did.

“Neither are you. Neither are any of us.” She reminded him.

“You saw her.” He argued with the flick of one hand “She’s got Jess’s face but that’s it.”

“You don’t know that, Daryl. She’s protecting herself. She’s been doing that for a long time without us now. She might come around if you talk to her.” She suggested with a strong desire to see him try and build a bridge between them. It was no secret that he was devastated when Jess left the Quarry, his pain and determination to find her was plain for all to see and if there was even just a small chance that they could mend their tattered friendships, then she thought it was well worth it.

“Doubt it. She fuckin’ hates me” He scoffed.

“What? I’m sure that’s not true.” She expressed

“She lied to me for weeks, Carol. _Weeks._ She could have told me who she was. Instead, she acted like I was some stranger.”

His behavior was now considerably more subdued and his aggression was now translating to a sadness that Carol couldn’t stand to see. During a long pause in conversation which was more a chance for the both of them to collect their thoughts than anything else, Carol remembered the incident in the woods when Jess found herself at the end of a gun held by Daryl.

“No wonder she was so calm when you pointed that gun at her.” She mentioned.

“What d’ya mean?”

“She knows you. She knew you wouldn’t just shoot her like that. Not without a reason.” She concluded.

Daryl reached into his jeans pocket and retrieved his lighter. It clicked and clinked as he turned it over between his fingers, lighting it over and over as he attempted to clear his head. Carol watched on, growing slightly concerned when he began to run his fingers through the flames and letting them linger there a little too long.

“Daryl” She scolded lightly. His eyes shot up to hers and he flicked the lighter closed, enclosing it in his fist.

“Wish she never left” He muttered.

Carol proceeded with caution, now he was really talking and such an event couldn’t be forced or it would never present its self again. The conversation would be over and any chance she had at getting him to expel his real feelings would be long gone.

“Daryl, you know better than most that in his world, we adapt or we die. You and I adapted. Jess adapted, very well by what I can see. Give it time. Be patient. What is it that you want to say to her? What do you want her to know?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged.

“I do.” She smiled bravely, all the while hoping deep down that he would trust her enough to answer her. He peered at her through his hair, his eyes questioning exactly what she thought she knew, but she kept quiet and patiently sipped her drink.

“I dunno if I did somethin’…or, didn’t do somethin when I was sposed to” He said, his voice barely a whisper. When she looked back at him his eyes were cast down at the countertop between his forearms. “Liked havin’ her around, y’know? She just…made stuff easier. I aint no idiot, I know I was a shitty friend. But I thought about her every day since she bailed.”

There it was, what Carol had been waiting for. It wasn’t the precise words she knew he really meant, but it was as close as he was going to get and she had enough to work with.

“That girl meant something to you. We all saw how badly you took it when she left. You could have died looking for her. I might even be as bold as to suggest that you had feelings for her. Feelings that went beyond friendship and you just didn’t know it at the time. I think…” She trailed off, gauging his reaction which so far, was still collected and subdued. “…I think you should tell her that you missed her.”

“That ain’t gonna happen.” He quickly dismissed. A feat too tall for his withdrawn and quiet personality.

“It will. Like I said, give it time.” She remarked with a knowing smile. As he observed her confidence in her beliefs, the corner of his mouth quirked up at the thought of her always being right and how she reveled in it.

“Whatever.”

* * *

Jess made herself scarce from Alexandria for the next two days after offering to fetch some supplies from the nearest town which boasted a large gardening store. She borrowed a truck and found that once she’d filled it with everything on Deannas list, she had little desire to return anytime soon. She settled down on a luxurious, swinging chair with deep padding and enough room for her to stretch her legs and gently swayed from side to side, watching the high, industrial ceiling swing from left to right. Aside from two Walkers outside in the lot, the entire store was empty and the silence was only broken by the subtle squeak of the chair’s hinges.

The group knowing who she was did nothing to calm the rampant inferno of confusion that seemed to grow with each though of Daryl that passed through her mind and she was still conflicted, torn between hearing his side and ignoring him altogether. The look in his eyes, his intense embrace and the soul shattering whimper against her shoulder was urging her to try talking to him, but she didn’t know if there was a point or if she would every be able to forgive him for proving her insecurities to be correct. She wasn’t anything to anyone, she was just a girl.

It was dark when she woke, her bones weary with the heaviness of sleeping during the day. She groaned and rubbed her eyes as she sat up. Her backpack contained items she wouldn’t be without no matter what the circumstances, one of those items was a flashlight. She quickly found it in the pitch-black bag and clicked it on, shining it around her, over the shelves and into the gaps between aisles. Luckily, she still appeared to be alone.

She got to her feet, flung her bag over her shoulder and headed for the smashed bottom pane in the main door. Ducking outside into the lot, she noticed the numbers of walkers had increased to around a dozen. She stilled before any of them saw her and slowly crept towards the waiting truck which was around 500 yards to her left.

Walkers acted like dominoes, when one noticed movement the rest tended to follow with a knock-on effect that could be catastrophic. The nearest walker to Jess, only a few feet away reached out and took a hold of her backpack, slinging her backwards and colliding her with the asphalt. Her flashlight skittered over the ground and adrenaline shot through her. She quickly grabbed her knife from her belt as the Walker loomed over her, blobs of sticky, lumpy blood precariously hanging from its festering mouth like fruit from a tree. One of which dropped with a splat onto her forehead. She jabbed the blade at the Walkers head only to find that it appeared to dodge out of the way. It’s growls and bubbling throat and chest made her stomach flip and she rolled over, breaking free of its bony fingers on her shoulder and managing to scurry up onto one knee. It surged at her, snapping its jaws and dislodging a front tooth which rolled out and tinkled on the ground beside Jess’s knee.

“Ew” she breathed as she readied her knife again. With all her might she plunged the blade into its skull, surprised at how spongy it was. This one had to have been dead for a while, the longer they wandered around as corpses, the softer their bones became until eventually their limbs gave out and they had no choice but to crawl. The Walker dropped to reveal five more that were closing in on her. She scrambled backwards, the heels of her boots propelling her across two spaces of the lot.

_Shit. Ohshitohshitohshit._

She leapt up and scooped up her flashlight just in time to avoid the grasp of more undead fingers while she dashed to the truck, throwing open the door and climbing inside, finally able to put a barrier between her and the Dead ones.

Jess could handle herself but being in such close proximity to walking mounds of rotten flesh still gave her chills. Especially when she considered that they used to be just like her. With working lungs and hearts and brains. With families and friends and lovers. Ok, maybe not exactly like her but five out of six wasn’t bad. It was sad, but it also made her nauseous and she was certain that if she was ever cursed with the trauma of being bitten, she would sooner shoot herself in the head than become one of them.

She started the truck to the sound of the Walkers hammering on the glass and groaning at her. She put the vehicle in gear, flipped them the bird and raced off into the night.

* * *

Not a lot of things were convenient in the apocalypse. Food was scarce, as were weapons, ammo and medicine. The seasons were harsh and Walkers roamed all of the potentially fruitful spots for supplies. Humans were becoming more depraved and even more dangerous than the dead and those that failed to evolve with the harsh changes of the world, perished. No, nothing was convenient, except Daryl being on gate duty just as Jess rolled through in her truck filled with gardening supplies.

Two days had passed and he’d not seen a hint of her since she’d revealed her identity to the group. Carol’s words stayed with him, her suggestion that he should try and talk to her, give it time and she might come around. He was mad at her, there was no question about that. But, more than anything, he just wanted some answers.

He closed the gate behind her as she climbed from the truck, her mask and hood were up but he could make out blood smeared on her face and his chest swelled with concern. Now he knew who she was, he couldn’t help but care no matter how much he didn’t want to.

“Hey.” He called out as he approached her. She leaned against the closed door of the truck and fiddled with her gloves, tugging them off and stuffing them in her pocket. He noticed in the light of the solar bulbs that lined the street that the knife he’d given her was also coated in dark blood and had stained her tight, faded, black jeans. She looked up at him over her hood, her blue eyes meeting his. “Y’alright?” He asked as he motioned to the smeared blood on her forehead.

“Yeah. Just Walkers.” She dismissed casually.

He nodded, temporarily glancing at the ground while he thought out how out of the blue his questions might sound. But she was there, in front of him in the middle of the night with no one else around. If he was going to ask, now was as good a time as any.

“Where ya been, Jess?”

“At the Garden store a few miles west.” She mumbled back. He didn’t notice until he raised his vision but she was checking over a list in her hand.

“I mean before. When ya bailed.” He corrected.

Jess’s eyes lifted and she side glanced at him, looking him up and down and wondering why he’d decided to ask her such questions there and then.

“Around” she replied, the same, standard answer she’d offered the others. She pushed herself from the trucks door and wandered around the side, rummaging through the full flatbed and checking things against the list.

“Why won’t ya talk to me? Aint seen ya in, what…over a year?” He asked sadly. His voice sent guilt through her heart like a spear and she fought not to cry again.

“Eighteen months” she corrected. “And I don’t know what you want me to say.” She turned to head back to the trucks cab but he stepped in, blocking her path. She huffed in irritation and stared at the toes of her boots.

“Get out of my way.” She uttered.

“Take the mask off.” He requested. “Please.”

“No.” She refused.

“Ain’t nobody here. Just you n’ me. Take the mask off. Just for a minute.”

He needed to see her, needed to be able to see that it really was Jess he was talking to because everything about her screamed that she’d discarded her old life and personality entirely. Little did he know that she was still there, deep down, terrified of exposure and rejection. She agreed that he deserved an explanation, she just wasn’t sure if she was up to offering one at that point. She needed space and time to think things over and decide what she wanted. Being forced to communicate was only making her more anxious. But what she could do, was afford him this one, small request. She moved her mask down to her neck and peered up at him. His face seemed to soften at the sight of her own and she saw his shoulders drop.

“Why’d you go?” He croaked.

It was akin to the moment he’d whimpered against her shoulder. Emotional, sincere and hurt. She wasn’t expecting it and it hit her like a train. She needed to leave before she broke down and she resented him for it. For a year and a half she’d learned to stop crying, that crying got a person nowhere when she had no choice but to suck it up and carry on and in the last week all she’d done was cry. That was Daryl’s fault.

“I can’t talk about this right now.” She whispered.

“But you will, right?” He asked

“I don’t know.” She pulled her mask back up. “Please, step aside.”

“Jess-“

“-Get out of my fucking way.” She spat, her eyes filling with anger.

Shocked and frustrated, he simply moved to one side and let her storm past him and get back into the truck where she held back tears until she was far enough along the road and around a corner to let them escape.

* * *

When morning came around once more, Jess walked through the gate carrying a plethora of small animals and the key for the truck she’d borrowed the day before. After dropping the animals off at the pantry, she made tracks to Deannas front steps where, to her surprise she found Carol sitting at the porch table with a plate of cookies on the surface in front of her. Jess paused when she noticed her, mid way up the steps and awkwardly positioned before she carried on and slowed when she reached the door. Carol’s face was displaying a bright smile as she slid the plate from the table and held it out.

“Cookie?”

Jess hadn’t seen a decent looking cookie in a very long time and her stomach, although reasonably full from breakfast, vibrated slightly at the thought. She almost accepted before she remembered that enjoying that simple pleasure would mean removal of her mask and the potential for passers by to see her.

 _Clever._ She thought. _But not clever enough._

“No, thank you.” She politely declined. “What are you doing here?”

“Just got out of a very nice meeting with Deanna. She told me to come and go as I please, so I’m doing just that. Care to join me?” She said breezily.

Her manner was a little too happy for Jess’s liking and she immediately became suspicious of some kind of trap.

“I can’t. I have shit to-“

“Oh, just sit down, Jessica.” Carol scolded through her teeth.

Feeling like a child that had thrown a tantrum and been told off using her full first name, Jess sheepishly sank down into a chair. Even though curiosity had killed the cat, it had got the better of her this time. Across the street, Daryl approached Rick who was busy hauling fertilizer around the vegetable patch. Jess looked up and clocked his presence, quickly diverting her eyes and licking her lips at the plate of cookies instead. They appeared tinted red and purple and she wondered what could possibly be in them to turn them that color. Berries of some kind?

_Cherry, maybe? Mmm, Cherries._

“He said you won’t talk to him.” Carol blurted out but with a quiet confidence that snapped Jess out of her food daydream.

_OK, we’re really going to sit here and talk about this?!_

“I don’t have anything to say to him.” She retorted.

“Jess, you were best friends.” Carol reminded her which only served to prod at her temper and she sprang up from her seat, slapping a hand on the glass tabletop.

“Were we?!” She hissed “Where was he when I needed him? Hmm?”

Carol was taken aback but such an aggressive turn in Jess, but wasn’t afraid. She’d evolved just as much as the woman before her and was sure that if pushed she could be just as cold and distant herself.

“He’s different now. Just like you. It’s like he was a child before… now, he’s a man.” She noticed Jess glance over her shoulder at Daryl, who was now helping rick by carrying a heavy bag of soil over his shoulder. When she moved her gaze back to the porch, her eyes fell back onto the table and to the plate of cookies. “Give him a chance. You’ll see he’s changed. Please.” Carol added.

“It’s complicated. You don’t know anything about it. I appreciate what you’re trying to do but you’re wasting your time. It’s not just black and white and I’ve worked hard to keep my life as simple and pain free as possible and what have you put in those cookies to make them go that color?”

Carol was confused, her train of thought thrown off with Jess’s bizarre question.

“Uh… beets.” She stammered.

“Huh. Beets. Right.” Jess replied. She reached out, took a cookie and in a split second she had vanished into Deanna's house. 

Standing in the empty hallway with her back to the front door, she closed her eyes and exhaled slowly. She knew in her heart that she had to face him at some point. They were practically neighbors with her fairground abode less than a mile away and their similar skills meaning they were bound to be put together for hunting, supply runs and the like by Deanna. Jess didn’t really know what to do past hiding in her home and burying her head in the sand, but she was smart enough to accept that civility might be the least that could be expected of her. She had no plans to pick up a friendship ever again, her solitary lifestyle proving more than ideal both for her physical safety and her emotional stability. But the sting of loneliness succeeded in distracting her during dark, cold nights and every single time she thought of Daryl. Maybe if she just spoke to him and tried to clear the air, things would be easier overall.

* * *

Daryl had just passed Judith back to her father after a brief spell of her sitting on his knee and looking utterly compelled by everything he said to her. He told her about his first truck, how his brother had taught him to fish and drink shooters for hours in bars. He told her that one day, if Rick would let him, he’d teach her to fish too. He figured that hunting information was a little too much for a soul so young and figured he would leave it until she was at least old enough to hold a crossbow without falling over before he taught her how to kill a deer.

It was becoming a nightly habit. He would sit quietly with Judith and think about the day. Sometimes he’d read to her, sometimes he’d just talk quietly. He knew it was more than he would ever say to any adults, but Judith didn’t judge or answer back. She listened with such interest that he sometimes wondered if she would remember what he told her when she grew up. He liked having a kid around. Carl was getting older and more independent, thinking he knew everything yet still being vulnerable enough to need looking after. He was at an age where he could easily repeat things he heard, but Judith didn’t.

He lit a cigarette and reclined in the squeaky chair and watched the smoke expelled from his lungs billowing up into the night. The stars were out, bright and twinkling. If it wasn’t for the snarling beyond the walls from the nightly encroachment of Walkers, it would have been a peaceful and visually appealing night.

He was halfway through his smoke when movement in the night caught his eye and he did a double take at Jess, who was stood at the bottom of the porch stairs with her hood and mask up. Her eyes glistened under the light of the single bulb which flowed above the door. She seemed to manifest out of nowhere and by that point, he’d figured that it was one of her most honed skills. She was silent as the night, until she wasn’t and that was only when it suited her.

“Hi” She said quietly at the same time as fiddling with her fingers and dropping her gaze.

“Hey.” He grunted.

Daryl wondered what she was even doing in the same proximity as him, but he wasn’t about to ask. He considered Carol’s advice once more and decided he may as well give in to his curiosity and see what she was doing at the foot of the steps to his house after dark.

“Do you have a minute?” She asked.

“What’s it look like?” He snapped without thinking. When the words left his lips, he immediately regretted the tone, hearing it laced with anger and bitterness. “I mean, I ain’t exactly busy. Have a seat.” He corrected his inconvenienced emphasis and nudged his head up at the empty seat across the table from him.

She hesitated, one foot on a journey to accept his invitation and the other rooted to the ground. Telling herself she wouldn’t have to stay long anyway, she accepted and slipped into the seat.

“There’s something I should tell you.” She started. His eyes lifted from the now almost finished cigarette between his fingers. “I found Merle in Atlanta.”

He glared at her. She wasn’t telling him anything he didn’t already know. His brother told him where she was. His message through Michonne urged Daryl to go to the City and find Jess. It said more than that too, but he was not about to let on that Merle had given away anything other than her location.

“I know.” He responded bluntly.

“He found you,” she stated with a nod of understanding.

“Yeah. He found me.” He echoed.

Merle obvious absence spoke volumes, as did Daryl’s downcast expression at the mere mention of his brother’s name. He wasn’t there for the same reason some of the others from the Quarry were absent.

“I’m sorry, about whatever happened to him.” She offered sincerely.

“Don’t be. Aint your fault” he told her. He stubbed out his smoke in a glass dish in the centre of the table. His snappy demeanour apparently vanishing as fast as the smoke in the air.

She felt the need to explain how she’d found him, for some reason thinking that information volunteered would somehow make things easier for him. It was still there, she still cared about him.

“I found him in a camping store in the city. Almost bled out. Delirious.” She began “Took him in and stitched him up. He always said he would leave when he could, to find you. He wasn’t the best house guest and he certainly had no manners.”

He raised an eyebrow before sucking his bottom lip into his mouth and nibbling on it.

“Ya didn’t have to help him.”

“Couldn’t just walk away and let him die.” She admitted. “I knew how much he meant to you.”

The last part of her sentence was unintentional and she’d aimed to think it instead of actually say it. But there it was, as plain as day. If he didn’t know she cared about him before, he certainly did now.

“Thank you” He expressed as he tried to make eye contact. Jess avoided his attempt and swallowed hard, staring down into her lap.

“No problem.” She whispered.

A long silence proceeded to engulf them both in an almost unbearable awkwardness that felt like a lifetime when it was merely a few minutes. Jess remembered the days when they could sit side by side in quiet understanding without having to fill the gaps with unnecessary chit chat. So unbearable was it that Jess was seconds away from springing up from her seat and leaving. 

“He told me where to find ya.” Daryl informed her.

“Huh. Of course, he did.” Jess scoffed knowingly.

“Said I should go after ya. I found your apartment. Why the city?” He wanted to know.

She realized there and then that he went out of his way to track her down in the city from Merles information. She knew he might, but knowing he actually did still surprised her and made her question everything she thought to be true. It was months between Merle leaving and Jess abandoning her apartment, even longer since she left the quarry camp. She couldn’t be sure if he got her note or not, but he was definitely looking for her after a considerable amount of time had passed.

“Um, well… all the people left, so it belongs to the Walkers now. Learn how to deal with them, use them to your advantage and the city is your oyster. Everybody leaves so suddenly; it means there’s supplies everywhere. Eventually, a group came through that I didn’t like the look of, so I left and stayed in the woods. Lived on a boat for a while. Then, I found the fairground.”

It was the most she’d said to him since she appeared in his life again and the sound of her voice through her mask was so different it was like talking to a stranger. She’d not only felt the need to hide her voice, she was also hiding her personality, her sense of humor and the essence of who she really was. That was, if there was anything left.

“You can fight now. How’d ya get so good?” He asked.

She wasn’t expecting to still be sitting with him at all, let alone having to answer questions. But he was probing for a good reason, she was aware that he was interested in her time away and how far she’d come. She just didn’t think he cared enough to ask about it.

“I can fight Walkers.” She corrected, making him aware that she wasn’t proficient in the art of grappling with live humans. “It was me and them, for a long time. A city full of wandering corpses makes for great practice. Then there’s the hunting and general survival skills I knew I had to have if I were ever forced to move out of Atlanta. There’s a lot of reading material in abandoned bookstores. I learned a lot while I was there.” She explained, hazarding a small glimpse of him and seeing his eyes dragging over her clothing and weapons.

“Turned up lookin like Rambo too.” he mentioned.

Now, she looked at him properly, their eyes meeting across her mask. He hadn’t changed much, not that she could see. He was more mature, more grounded but still Daryl. Still with the same sense of toeing the line and making fun of her. She found herself trying not to laugh, holding back a huge part of herself that just rushed out when she saw the corner of his mouth quirk up.

“Can kick your ass like Rambo if you don’t find someone more feminine to liken me to.” She quipped.

His lips curled further into a smile and behind her mask, Jess fought not to mirror him.

“Still got ya attitude” he pointed out.

It was news to her. Apparently, she did and he was the one to bring it out in her

“You still have yours too.” She shot back as she got up and walked back to the steps, her heavy boots clunked along the wooden flooring and she struck quite the intimidating figure, but Daryl knew the girl inside and he hoped that some semblance of her was still there.

“Goodnight” she uttered as she descended the steps and walked off into the darkness.

“Night, Jess.”

Now, he could use her name. The girl under the disguise. 

* * *

Glenn perched on the trucks hood, picking berries from a tree branch and shoving them into his mouth. He wasn’t taking a risk, Daryl had been forthcoming with ensuring the group only ate what he said was safe, and everything in moderation. Jess leaned against the wheel arch with a map open in her hands after traipsing through an entire town looking for Veterinary Hospital that didn’t seem to exist. Their fruitless trip so far had been nothing but a major inconvenience.

“You sure you saw it?” She pressed as she craned her back at him and held a hand above her eyes to shield them from the sun.

“A hundred percent. I just can’t remember where.” Glenn confessed as he threw the last of the berries into his mouth and threw the stick away.

“Helpful.” Jess murmured. “I’ve never ventured out this way before. Too many people, not enough animals.”

Glenn squinted down at her as she flapped the map in her hands, straightening its corners.

“People?” He asked

“Undesirables.” She murmured. “We have to be careful.”

“Oh. Sure.”

She circled an area of the map with her finger, mainly to herself and only half interested in Glenn’s attention. “Should check here. It’s the only area we haven’t covered in a five-mile radius. It’s got to be there.”

Glenn agreed and began checking over his gun, making sure it was fully loaded. Jess turned her body and leaned her elbows on the hood, re-strapping her gloves and pushing her hood down for the time being. With it only being the two of them, her worries about revealing herself were now non-existent and Glenn knowledge of who she was had given her a huge sense of relief. Being able to go on a run without the worry of him figuring her out was a new and enjoyable kind of peace.

“Where did you all go? When you left the Quarry?” she asked out of the blue.

He hesitated before answering her, the answer backing up in mind as he rifled through all the things that they’d been through since the Quarry, the people they’d lost and the terrible ways they’d died. It wasn’t easy and sometimes he wondered how they’d got so far but over time and through their shared trauma, they’d become a family. He’d become something else too, one half of a pair with Maggie. The woman of his dreams and he couldn’t help but smile when he remembered how she’d propositioned him in the middle of an abandoned store and ever since their relationship had grown into something he never would have anticipated.

“We tried the CDC. That was a disaster.” He said “One guy left and he blew himself and the building to pieces. Then we stayed on the Greene’s farm. Maggie’s dad owned it. Herd came through, pushed us out of there. Then, we ended up at a prison. We were there for a while. Until some psycho came along and tried to take the place. A lot of people died. We all got split up and that’s how we were reunited…in the worst way, at Terminus.”

Jess held his gaze for a few moments as she contemplated how their numbered had depleted but were replaced by new faces and yet they were still such a tight-knit group. She figured they had Rick to thank for that after witnessing the way he led his people through the gate of Alexandria for the first time with Daryl at his side.

“You guys have been through a lot” She stated. 

“Guess we have, Yeah.” He agreed thoughtfully. “But then again, everybody has, right? You have too.”

Jess didn’t think she’d fought anywhere near the kinds of battles Rick’s group appeared to have survived. She wasn’t without her own difficult memories, but most of those consisted of being alone and having to adapt to fighting Walkers and avoiding detection by other survivors. She’d faced more of an internal war than a physical one, born out of using stealth and cunning to avoid having to engage in actual fighting any more than was necessary. When she did kill the living, it was inevitable and got shoved to one side to enable her to carry on with life at the end of the world.

“Not really.” She disagreed “Keeping out of sight was how I lasted this long. Can’t be robbed, raped or killed if nobody knows you exist.”

“What if you’re discovered by chance?” Glenn argued.

She met his eye, a knowing look exchanged between the two of them. It didn’t need to be voiced that both of them were forced to do things they would never be proud of.

“Then you do what you have to do” She uttered.

Glenn nodded sadly before attempting a risky move.

“Why did you run? From the Quarry” he questioned.

She knew she would face such a question from nearly all of them at some point, her assumption was that it would be Daryl that was the first to ask had been correct, but Glenn being next happened a little quicker than she thought. What she hadn’t quite decided on, was how she was going to answer it. Should she be completely honest, or sugar coat the truth and skirt around the real reasons? She felt overwhelmed, pushed out, betrayed and like she was a mere burden that would never fit in.

“A lot of reasons.” She mumbled. “I ran away to save myself. I needed to lose who I was”

A spell of silence passed between them as Glenn tried to make sense of her response. Jess could feel his disagreement as if it were a weight on her shoulders. He shuffled closer on the hood and slid his gun back into its holster. A loud sigh was followed by a quick scan of the area they were parked in. All still quiet and safe enough.

“The people you loved that are gone…they helped to make you who you are. If you lose that, you lose the last bit of them that’s still around inside, who you are is gone…but so are they.” He told her, feeling her eyes locked on him, her brow furrowed as if surprised by his sudden philosophical take on things. “It’s how you lose people all over again, even after they’re gone. You honor them by carrying on, because they don’t get to”

The conversation was veering into a territory that Jess was no longer comfortable with. She didn’t want to be forced to stare her decisions in the face and dissect her train of thought and reasons for arriving at them. While she couldn’t say that Glenn was wrong, the idea that she’d lost everyone she’d loved for good due to her own actions wasn’t one she wanted to entertain. They were still there, in her heart, in her soul. Or were they?

“So, Carol got split from everyone else?” She queried, shamelessly changing the subject.

“Actually no. She was already on the outside on her own for a while. I’ll let Rick or Carol explain it themselves one day. Along with everything else that happened at the prison. But let’s just say we really appreciate what you two did. That place… was like nothing I’ve ever seen before.” He mused, the flicker of fear in his eyes evident upon his reminiscence of his time at Terminus. “I couldn’t stand the thought of Maggie dying in that hell hole. I’m glad it was me they almost killed. She didn’t deserve to go through that.” He added.

Jess said nothing, too wrapped up in the thought of being so in love and attached to someone that you would die to save their life. It was a completely alien concept to her, except for the likes of her family, she wasn’t sure there would ever be anyone else she would risk her life for. Then, she remembered the time she spent following Daryl through the woods with a group of men she didn’t trust one, single ounce, the people she murdered inside Terminus and the ferocity of her rage which she used to demand his whereabouts. She refused to leave until she knew he was safe and then it occurred to her; she would have died at Terminus. She would have died for Daryl.

“Where’d you get all the gear? The body armor. Looks like high-grade stuff.” Glenn interrupted, scattering her revelatory thoughts.

“Uh…” She grunted, having to take a dep breath and ignore the fact that she’d just discovered the actual extent of her fondness for the man that broke her heart. “Mostly dead Cops and Soldiers. Needed a little cleaning up here and there. Found some stuff in gun stores too, most were picked clean but one or two had the good stuff strapped to the dead owners”

“Nice. It looks good.” He smiled.

“Thanks, but It’s not about how it looks. It’s got to be practical. I can move around and none of it makes a sound. So, I can hunt and travel undetected and still remain nothing but a shaded movement in somebody’s peripheral vision. If anything bites me, it’s got to have pretty sharp teeth to break the barrier too.” She informed him with a certain degree of pride in herself. It was trial and error, endless days testing fabric and different levels of armor using sharp objects and creeping around groups of Walkers.

“We could really use this kind of thing for runs. Think you could find more?” he asked

“Probably.” She shrugged. “One thing at a time though. Let’s get this equipment first.”

He slithered down from the hood and slapped the surface with a grin as he rounded the truck and climbed into the driver’s seat. Jess settled beside him and frowned when he pressed ‘play’ on the CD player. Music filled the cab and she rolled her eyes, looking out at the rapidly passing houses on the side of the street.

* * *

Despite their conversation on the porch of his house, Daryl’s efforts to engage Jess in any more conversation in the coming days fell victim to her insistence to be left alone. He grew more and more frustrated with every instance that he witnessed her chatting away carelessly to others. She still laughed with Abraham and even joined him on gate duty. Aaron was treated to discussions while sat on the wall outside of the armory and even Glenn earned himself an enthusiastic handshake and some kind of mocking dig that couldn’t be heard upon returning from a run with her one evening. It seemed everyone else but Daryl was allowed to be around her and it angered him so much that one night, he decided that he needed to do something about it.

After seeing her playfully slap Abraham’s big arm as they spoke at the side of the road, she bid him farewell and ambled slowly to the gate, nodding at the guard. It was early evening and the sun was going down, the time of year dictating that one minute it was light and the next, flashlights were needed to light the way and the rapid change was almost unnoticeable. The sky glowed with pinks and purples and small birds were still singing in the trees when Daryl dashed out of the gap in the gate and surged after Jess.

She walked slowly, adjusting her bow on her back and calmly glancing around at her surroundings. She liked this time of the day, much like the early morning’s it always seemed to be peaceful and still no matter what horrors were unfolding across the world. It was a nice escape, even if it was only temporary. Her boots crunched over the dirt and she began to hum tunefully to herself. A Beatles song.

“Jess”

Daryl’s voice shot out of the serenity like an arrow and shattered her illusions of an enjoyable walk back to her home. She huffed, her jaw clenching and her body turning to him slowly.

“What do you want, Daryl? Just leave me alone.” She sighed.

His trespassing into her alone time was akin to him walking right into the fairground and making himself at home in her eyes. She had admitted who she was and now she just wanted to be allowed to observe things from the fence without getting involved with anyone or anything that would mean anchoring herself emotionally. But Daryl quite obviously had other ideas and wasn’t satisfied with her terms.

“Why you gotta be such a bitch, huh?!” He snapped.

She shifted her weight and crossed her arms, looking him dead in the eye.

_We’re name-calling. Mature. There’s the old Daryl._

“I am being perfectly fucking civil.” She replied mockingly, a sarcastic smile emerging on her lips behind her mask. It occurred to Daryl that if he couldn’t see her face, he couldn’t judge her reactions to be truthful.

“Take it off.” He demanded, gesturing with a hand to her face.

“No.” She refused.

“Take the mask off.” He tried once more.

“Why?” She asked.

“You n’ I, we’re gonna have a conversation and I aint talkin’ to no mask. Don’t make me take it off myself ‘cause I will n’ you know it”

Aggression and testing her resolve were fast becoming the only way he could get through to her and get her to comply and he wondered when she developed such a strong will and courage to rival his own. If he was honest with himself, her bravery impressed him regardless of it being so far from the Jess he used to know. She needed it to stay alive and it seemed to be serving her well, even though it meant they locked horns.

Jess gave in and opted to endure whatever he wanted to talk about mainly because she wanted it over with, but also because there was a different side to her story that she was interested in hearing. She flicked her mask down with one, swift movement while the rest of her body stood completely rigid and angry. Her vision was narrowed, her eyes dark and unimpressed.

“What the hell happened to you? We were friends and now ya won’t even look at me.” He asked.

She moved closer, standing inches from his face and not showing an ounce of fear. She was defensive but challenging and he wanted to step back and observe this drastic change in her properly. She was no longer a shrinking violet, her confidence in the face of confrontation had come out of nowhere. The Jess from before would have said her piece but backed right off. This woman had a grudge and Daryl knew now that he was at the center of it.

Jess spoke clearly and deliberately her eyes not wavering from his for even a second.

“I was ‘just a girl’. I didn’t ‘mean shit to you’. Isn’t that right, Daryl?” She hissed

A flashback hit him like a bus. He was standing with Merle on the slope to the water back at the Quarry. It was dark, he could hear the waves lapping against the shore. Merle was mocking him for catching feelings. He rubbished his claims with a single sentence. One that unbeknownst to him at the time, Jess heard every word of and it changed everything. Destroyed something good, something meaningful. Something he missed everyday. 

_She heard me. Shit. I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean what I said._

He stepped away from her, sighing loudly and rubbing his eyes with his thumb and finger on one hand. Jess seethed in front of him, her hurt and pain now simmering just under the surface after the words being repeated for the first time. It all came rushing back, all the old feelings of being rejected and lied to.

“ _That’s_ what this is about?” He asked quietly. 

“Don’t you dare trivialize it.” She warned with a slight tremor in her voice. Her emotions were boiling over and cracks in her defenses were beginning to show.

“I’m aint…. I’m-I’m not” he quickly assured her, lifting one hand and showing her his palm in surrender.

She felt as though she would burst with all the things she wanted him to know. She wanted him to feel the betrayal and sadness she’d endured for himself, to have to live with it festering in the back of his mind like she had. Her bottom lip quivered and she sucked in a sharp breath.

“You broke my god damn heart.” She whispered shakily.

Both of them froze at the sound of her admission. It wasn’t exactly something she wanted him to know but there it was anyway, the truth about how she felt, floating in the air between them. The air left Daryl’s lungs and his shoulders lowered. He dropped his vision, unable to look at the broken expression on her features.

She couldn’t hide it any longer, a single, salty tear flittered down her cheek and she whirled around, striding into what was now a thick darkness lit only by the moon. She was shrouded in black, protected by the night but the emotional exposure was kicking her anxiety into gear and meant she had to depart, to run away and go back to where she felt safe. She knew the way to the fairground even if she was blinded by the lack of light. It was like someone clicked their fingers and she was teleported to her destination, the route to her home a complete blur of tears and sniffles. She fumbled with the chain and lock on the gate, pausing to click on a hanging, LED light that bumped against the fence post. Her heart jumped in her chest when a hand wrapped around her wrist and she flinched away, seeing that Daryl had somehow followed her without her noticing. So wrapped up had she been in her own tears, that she’d made it home without a single care for the dangers that might be surrounding her.

“Wait. Please.” He requested, stepping under the light on the fence.

In her other hand, she still grasped the lock on the gate. It rattled when she let go and swallowed hard. 

“I didn’t mean what I said to him.” He said sincerely. “Ya know what he was like. I just wanted to shut him up”

She licked her lips, tasting the tang of her tears and roughly wiped at her face with the sleeve of her jacket.

“You didn’t defend me either.” She told him. Her voice was now akin to a pathetic whimper and she detested the sound of her own vulnerability. “If we were supposed to be friends, if I actually meant anything to you, you would have stood up for me when that fucking airhead started reading my journal. Because we both know I was not in a position to do that myself. I needed you and you walked away.”

He nodded in understanding and Jess thought he might have been expecting to hear such a thing.

“I know. M’sorry.” He said, stepping closer to her. She backed up.

“Right. Sure.” Came her sarcastic reply, her walls still raised and Daryl’s apology doing little to knock them down. It was going to take a lot for her to trust anyone again, let alone him.

She struggled with the lock, finally releasing it and noisily hauling the gate open. She stepped inside and slammed it, clicking the lock back into place and walking away. To her surprise, it began to rain. Small raindrops splattering long the path and gently playing a rhythm on the top of her hood.

“I let ‘em die.” He called out. “Both of em.”

She halted and peered over her shoulder at him, his fingers were threaded through the fence. To his credit, she couldn’t deny that he was trying more than she ever would have guessed. His determination to pursue her and make her listen was obvious. She knew exactly who he was referring to.

“How many people you killed, Jess?” he questioned.

She lowered her head and took a deep breath, not wanting to answer the question. It wasn’t something she thought should be a part of regular conversation unless absolutely necessary. Taking another human beings’ life was no menial task, nor was it something to be discarded like it didn’t matter. It was a huge deal, especially to Jess. But she kept the details and numbers locked away where they couldn’t play on her conscience too much.

“Wouldn’t be alive right now if ya hadn’t killed somebody and I know you must have put down a lot of them assholes at Terminus.” He reasoned, still gripping the fence and refusing to budge.

“Then there’s your answer.” She grunted. “A lot”

“Yeah. Me too. Those two girls? They were the first.” He revealed.

She needed to hear it. They were dead, that much didn’t need to be explained. But she wanted to know the how’s and why’s. She slowly wandered back to the gate.

“Merle told me you almost shot Sarah in the face.” She mumbled.

“Yeah. I really wanted to” he huffed “But… there was kids watchin’, y’know? Before that, before ya left, I took her to the woods and threatened to slit her throat if she bothered ya again. Didn’t know that, did ya?” 

She didn’t know, she had no idea but managed to keep her shock well hidden. Her eyes only flickering up to his.

“In the end…I watched ‘em get bit and I did nothin’ ‘cause I fuckin’ hated what they did to you. I know I was a shitty friend. But I wasn’t lyin’ when I said I just don’t have friends. I always been kind of a loner ‘cept for when I was with Merle.”

“You were ashamed of me.” She pointed out

“What?! That’s bullshit.” He exclaimed in disbelief.

She stepped closer to where he stood beyond the fence, the light illuminating them both from above enough for them to be able to read each other’s expressions.

“As soon as people started making fun of you being around me, you closed up like a clam and treated me like I was some kind of fly that just followed you around. God forbid you’d be seen with… what was it that Merle called me? Oh, that’s right, the ‘little, fat chick!’.” She explained with regret.

“Oh, c’mon, Jess!” He cried, frustration etched onto his features as he leaned closer to the fence, urging her to believe him.

“Tell me I’m wrong!” She shot back, silencing him. “Right. Because I’m not, am I?!”

He suddenly slammed both of his hands against the metal links on the barrier between them, sending a shockwave along the structure. Jess jumped slightly and moved back.

“Two weeks!” He yelled with no regard for the danger he might be attracting from the woods “I looked for you for two god damn weeks and they all wanted to move on n’ forget ya like ya never mattered!” His breathing had changed and she noticed that he was almost panting, his chest rising and falling rapidly. “ _WELL, YA MATTERED TO ME!”_ He yelled at her with another slam of his hands. She merely blinked but could feel the heaviness of tears building behind her eyes again. “I told ‘em, I said I wasn’t doing shit for none of ‘em until I found you.” He dug into his pocket and pulled out a brown, crumpled piece of paper, unfolding it and slapping it against the fence. “Instead, I found your stupid note and I fuckin’ kept it! So, don’t you dare tell me I was ashamed of you!”

She cursed herself internally for being unable to quash the need to cry. She hadn’t cried in over a year, having learned to push her emotions away and carry on. Now, she’d hardly stopped and she hated every, single second. His confession regarding her note and his actions after her departure had changed everything. She was wrong. She had been wrong for so long. He did care about her after all and it was like they’d swapped roles. He didn’t know how to show it at the time. Now, she had more in common with him than ever. He had opened up to her and shown her a side to him that she didn’t know was there. He’d more than proved he cared and she felt more guilty than ever. It was too much to take in, to be able to stand before him and keep composed and so she quickly vanished into the Diner, leaving him standing alone in the rain with her creased note clutched in his hand. 

* * *

Eric and Aaron's place was the perfect show home, straight out of an interior decorating convention and cleaner than a surgical suite. Jess was often reluctant to touch anything for fear of leaving a fingermark and being banished. Eric and Aaron didn’t mind, of course, having welcomes Jess into their home with open arms and not once mentioning any house rules or cleanliness standards to be followed. She used the place like a hotel but was always grateful for their hospitality and the free rein to come and go as she pleased. She was also pretty sure that no other residents of Alexandria made spaghetti quite like them.

She stayed at the Diner for the next two days, eventually emerging and resuming her hunting and clearing duties only to find that Daryl had covered for her in both areas. The walls were clear and there was meat in the pantry. Feeling useless and still lumbered with emotions, she threw Daryl a split-second peep where he stood by the armory and raced to the other side of the street, letting herself into Aaron and Eric’s living room and slumping down onto their couch. Aaron ticked off a crossword in a wildly outdated newspaper on the opposite couch and peered at her over the broadsheet, observing her troubled body language; fiddling hands and constant sighing. She presented in such a way that he had never seen from her before. She was anxious.

He lowered the paper and zoned in on the only visible and readable part of her, her eyes. Stunned by what he was witnessing, he gradually discarded his newspaper and crept closer to her, eventually sitting on the coffee table in front of her. She looked up and he could practically feel the sadness seeping from her pores.

“OK…I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry.” He whispered.

“It’s a rare occurrence.” She sniffed. “Not happened in over a year. Now it’s like a fucking floodgate that I can’t close.” She stated plainly. While her eyes were watering, her breathing hadn’t changed, creating a strange and blank air around her. It was a very odd sight for Aaron to comprehend.

“Are you here because you want to talk about it?” He pressed with a genuine desire to help. He wanted her to say yes and tried to urge her by shifting closer and waiting patiently.

“I don’t know.” She said under her breath.

“Look, I know you don’t trust anyone. But you’ve been staying in this house on and off for weeks now. You and I, we get along well. You can tell me, maybe I can help.” He tried.

Apparently, all Jess needed was a friendly face that wasn’t connected to Daryl to expel the contents of her mind to. She spent the next hour telling Aaron everything, right from the Quarry and up until that very day. She explained how her and Daryl used to be good friends and were torn apart by a number of factors, namely his mixed signals and her overthinking. At the suggestion from Aaron that her self-esteem played a part in it, a further door was opened in her head; he was completely right and it made her feel even more guilty for harboring such a huge grudge for so long. She expressed a need to make things right, but not to get too close and Aaron agreed, stating that while he thought it a good idea for now, she would not be wrong to let her guard down and give him another chance. Throughout their conversation, she cried more than once and was comforted by understanding and empathy. But when he reached out to hold her hand, she snatched it away and recoiled in discomfort. Aaron knew then not to push her too much, her refusal to remove her mask was also another telling factor that while she trusted him enough to accept his help, her face would remain behind a disguise that she used as a safety net.

“Sorry. I don’t do so well with the touching thing”. She told him.

It was the first time she’d trusted anyone with anything since Daryl at the quarry. She trusted him with her life and was left feeling like he’d lied to her. She hoped Aaron would not do the same and that his advice would help to mend the broken shards of what was left of her shattered friendship and she and Daryl could at least speak to each other without the past looming over them.

“What are you going to do?” Aaron asked.

“I have an idea. But I’m not sure it’ll work.” She replied.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Little update! Thank you all for so many lovely comments on the last chapter. This one isn't as long but it's something to keep things moving.

Nerves bubbled in the pit of her stomach; much like they did when she’d first spoken to anyone at the Quarry. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other repeatedly, dancing a nervous jig in front of the door to the large home Daryl shared with Carol, Rick, Carl, Judith, and Michonne. A fly buzzed erratically around the light on the wall and Jess scoffed when it dawned on her that she could relate to that fly. Attracted to something that she couldn’t have. She rolled her eyes and checked her mask and hood were firmly in place before knocking on the door.

It was almost midnight and the streets were deserted save for the guards and perimeter checks that Rick had insisted on. It rarely disturbed the residents and therefore Deanna had no reason to object to a little extra security. She glanced over her shoulder to see Glenn passing the front lawn holding a rifle. He nudged his head up in greeting to her and she returned the gesture, turning back just as the door was opened.

Carol stood in the entrance and crossed her arms, visibly and shamelessly unimpressed with Jess’s presence. Jess had no idea why she was receiving such a cold reception and could only conclude that Daryl had told her everything, just like she’d told Aaron.

“Good evening, Carol.” She said formally, not even recognizing her own voice for a moment.

She tilted her head up and looked down her nose at Jess, making it clear that she was not happy with her.

_Why are you always telling me off?_

“He told me you guys had a big fight.” She mentioned.

“Uh…yes. I guess we did.” She replied.

Carol shooed her away from the door and over to the chairs on the porch while she gently closed the door behind her. Jess, not wanting to protest and be scolded anymore, simply did as she was told and sat down as Carol leaned against the railings, looming over her like an angry parent.

“You need to know something.” She began “After the quarry, we were on the highway, hiding from a herd. Sophia…she got scared and ran off into the woods. We all went out looking for her. I refused to move until we found her. Eventually, people started to give up. I could see it in their faces, they didn’t think she was coming back. Daryl was out looking for her every day. Soon, every day turned into every night as well. Eventually, we ended up on the Greene Farm. Maggie’s dad owned it. Daryl continued to look for Sophia. He truly believed she was out there and that he’d find her. One day, he came back with an arrow in his side. He was covered in blood and dirt, hallucinating and talking crap. Andrea thought he was a Walker and shot him-”

“-Andrea shot Daryl?” Jess intercepted.

“Yes. Luckily, her aim was a little off and the bullet grazed his skull. But he could have died from that arrow wound if he hadn’t got back to the farm when he did. He was willing to sacrifice his life to find my little girl. I went to see him when he was recovering. He’s a man of few words but I remember what he said as if it were yesterday.”

She narrowed her eyes at Jess, who was hanging on every word, her lips parted behind her mask.

“he thought himself useless because he couldn’t find Sophia….and he couldn’t find you.”

Jess turned her head away slightly and swallowed hard. She’d done enough crying for one day and flat refused to give in again but the prospect of him still hurting from not being able to find her was something that stung at her heart. 

“You are not the only one that built a friendship with Daryl. He has grown up not knowing what it’s like to be cared about by another person. That is until he met you and I and the rest of this group. He is a good man, Jess. So, if you’ve come to fight with him again…” she sighed “…as his friend, I will be forced to turn you away.”

“I’m not here to fight with him.” Jess confirmed.

Carol studied her expression, trying to read her intentions and thought carefully. The night of his fight with Jess, Daryl arrived back at the house soaking wet from the rain and headed for the stairs without a word to anyone. Carol detected something was wrong straight away and followed him, stopping him at the top and making him face her so she could see his face. She’d asked what was wrong and he’d muttered something inaudible at first. It was only when she encouraged him to repeat himself that she finally heard what he’d said.

_“I broke her heart.”_

Seeing how much that night affected him bothered Carol and sent Daryl into a solitary existence. He spent his days outside the walls and when he did return, he was quiet and dismissive of everyone, even her when she was usually the one he could lean on, the one he told more than anyone else. She wasn’t about to allow another incident to knock him back further. 

“OK.” She finally agreed. “He’s here, I’ll go get him for you.”

She moved across the porch to the door and placed her hand on the Handle.

“Carol?” Jess said

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry… about Sophia.” She offered.

“Thank you.” Carol replied with gratitude.

* * *

Daryl stepped out onto the porch after what seemed like an eternity and Jess shot up from her seat like a nervous teenager. She removed her mask but not her hood, a single, simple nod to his preference of not wanting to talk to a mask. Still wanting to hide behind her strong, mysterious façade in front of the other inhabitants of Alexandria, she would not budge on the hood. The hood stayed put no matter what. He could see that her hair had grown a lot longer, her face shape had changed and her skin was bright.

“Hi” She whispered.

“Hi.”

“Take a walk with me?” She requested. He couldn’t simply walk away without finding out what she wanted and so, decided to honor her request and join her on a midnight walk. He was grateful she wasn’t wearing her mask, its simple existence annoyed him so much that he had visions of burning it to ashes and making her wander around with her face uncovered. To him, it was a much prettier picture than the computer game hero headwear she insisted on.

For a few minutes, neither of them said a word. Jess was almost suffocated with all the things she wanted to say and every time she opened her mouth, she quickly shut it again and re-thought her course of action. The curse of the overthinker; every single little detail was scrutinized. Daryl strolled beside her and glanced her way from time to time, a thin smile on his lips when she caught him on the third occasion in a row.

Aaron and Eric’s house came into view and she veered off to the garage, checking the street briefly to make sure she didn’t have to pull her mask back up. He waited wordlessly but with a bemused expression as she dug around in her coat pocket. Finding what she needed, she held out her hand, a black and silver key hanging from between her fingers.

“Here”

“What’s this?” He asked, taking it from her and briefly staring down at it as if he had never seen a key before.

“An Olive branch.” She said after taking a lungful of breath and trying to portray herself as more in control than she felt inside.

His vision lifted and she could see how baffled he was by the gesture that arrived with no context at all. His eyebrows knitted together slightly and he tilted his head back subtly, suspicious of where this was going.

“When I first got here, I was asked to stay and live here by Deanna. Multiple times. I’ve always refused. I have my own space that I worked hard for. I don’t like to get attached to things, or people. I live my life with no ties or connections. I have to protect my emotional wellbeing” She explained

Regret stung at Daryl's heart when he realized that he was part of the reason why she lived a life of isolation and seclusion from everyone. It was because of him that she kept a basic civility with the people of the town but had no one she wanted to call a friend. He was responsible for her changed attitude towards people and he hated himself for it.

“I was also offered a job and I’ve been considering it since.” She added.

“You hunt n’ clear the woods for ‘em. Aint that a job?” He wondered.

She shook her head and noticed she was tapping her thigh as she avoided the piercing gaze of his blue eyes.

“No. It’s an agreement. I do it because I want to. Not because I have to. I can survive by myself. I choose to help these people and it’s an arrangement I can walk away from at any time.”

She paused to see him tilt his head again, but this time to the side, thoughtfully. 

_She even talks differently._

“I know that you’ve spent a lot of time outside the walls since you’ve been here. You volunteer for every run and you hunt more than is necessary. I know why. It’s because the outside is where you feel like you. I know because I’m the same. The other side of those walls is where I’ve learned to live, I don’t feel the fear anymore because it’s just become…normal. But the difference between you and I, is that it’s always been like that for you. Am I correct?”

He nodded, seemingly a little impressed by her observation and understanding of him. She knew him, even after so long apart, she still knew who he was.

“Yeah.” He rasped.

She reached out and tugged the handle on the garage and opened the door. Flicking on the light she walked inside. Daryl followed her to find a Motorcycle in the middle of the room. He looked down at the key in his hand as Jess closed the door behind them and shook her hood from her head. She ran her fingers through her long, dark hair and let it fall around her shoulders.

“What the…?” Daryl started as he slowly began to approach the bike.

“I’m assuming you no longer have your brothers’ bike.” She said from behind him. He glanced at her, unable to look away when he noticed her silky hair and hoodless appearance. Her blue eyes peered back at him; his lingering stare had not gone unnoticed.

_I must look so different to him._

“Um, no….no, I don’t.” He managed to answer.

“I spoke to Deanna before I came to your place. I turned down her offer and asked that it goes to you instead. Alexandria needs another recruiter. Someone to go outside the walls on a regular basis and recruit other survivors to become active members of the community. When I met with her, I asked Rick to meet me there. He tells me you are intuitive and an excellent judge of character. He speaks highly of you. My decision was confirmed further when Carol answered the door to me and told me everything you did to find her daughter.”

The surprised look on his face refused to move and Jess thought he was now looking at her like she’d grown an extra head. Multiple times, he tried to speak but a grunt was all he could manage. Not knowing what to say, he finally just seemed to give up. Jess decided to fill the awkward gap with some more information.

“You may not be the Daryl I knew back then. But there are parts of your personality that are befitting to this type of job. Carol, she said you’re a good man…I’m not going to disagree with that. I think you’d be able to find other good people, because they are still out there. I found you guys, after all.”

As he listened, he started to pace around the bike, raising his eyebrows in approval when his fingertips bumped over the handlebars and the leather of the seat. 

“it’s custom made, using all the parts that were found in this garage.” She told him.

“S’a damn nice bike.” He admitted. It was unlike anything Merle had before the turn and it was clearly comprised of all the best parts of some decent motorcycles. After years of arguing with his brother over who would get to use the bike on any given day, he was finally being offered his own.

“Accept the job and it’s yours. I can manage hunting alone. I did before.” She shrugged, secretly hoping he would agree and she wouldn’t have to walk back into Deanna’s house and explain why Daryl turned down what was a generous offer and one that suited him perfectly. It was the only olive branch she could think of.

“Alright. I aint got nothin’ better to do.”

_Oh, thank the lord._

“Great.” She chirped casually, digging into her pocket again and throwing him a handmade keyring. He caught it with ease and opened his palm to find a metal, soldered ‘A’ looking back at him. He threaded the key onto the metal ring and licked his lips as he looked up at her.

“Thanks.” He said sincerely.

“Sure.”

She didn’t know why, but she felt the need to break away from his close proximity and wander around the garage, trailing her fingers over the tools and motorcycle parts on the workbench. She could feel his stare practically burning her skin as she moved, the stillness and quiet around them becoming nearly intolerable.

“I’m sorry. ‘bout what happened in the woods.” She heard him say.

She was tapping at her thigh again and this time Daryl noticed with a flicker of familiar amusement for the nervous tic she hadn’t managed to lose along with everything else that made her Jess. She swallowed hard and faced him, her eyes fixed on the floor. Her courage had vanished at the mere sound of his apology. He’d been the bigger person and apologized first, now, it was her turn. But she had no idea where to start.

“I don’t want to fight with you.” She muttered.

“Naw, me neither.” He agreed.

Then, she met his eye and her heart lurched. The top buttons on his shirt were open and his leather vest was absent. She could make out the alluring shape and tone of his chest and arms through the thin, dark grey shirt. His jaw was pulled tight and his hair was floppy, falling over his eyes just enough to make him smolder as he glared at her.

_How did you get even more attractive? You asshole._

She closed her eyes for a second or two, needing to compose herself. She dropped down onto a wooden stool and sighed loudly, flailing her hands in the air before she’d began speaking.

“I’m not so good with apologies anymore. So…” She paused to check he was listening. Of course he was. He was on tenterhooks. “…unfuck yourself. Or, whatever.”

He snorted at the comment and she detected a small, half smile from him which told her he was about to forgive her a lot more easily then she’d thought.

“Right. Yeah.” He grunted, clearly forcing away a laugh. 

She had done what she wanted to do. Offered a way to start to clear the air, swapped apologies albeit not very well and Daryl had a task, a purpose that was given to him by Jess. She felt better, not as mixed up and confused but still wary of getting too close. She could be civil and that would have to be enough.

“Aaron will talk you through everything in the morning. I’m heading home. Goodnight.” She said quickly, standing up and making her way out of the door into the night and leaving him alone with his new bike in the middle of Aaron and Eric’s Garage.

Jess could only hear the thumping of her boots on the sidewalk while she charged towards the gate, needing to be alone in her own space, to write in her journal and vent everything that was building up inside her. She lifted her mask and hood up as she approached the gate guard and reached to her torso in order to lift her bow from her body to equip it. A hand tapped at the back of her elbow and she whirled around, finding Daryl in front of her having followed her from the house.

“I didn’t mean to.” He blurted out. Jess dropped her arm and took a step backwards, wanting to put some distance between them and his out of the blue comment. “In the woods” He continued “Ya said I-I broke ya heart. I didn’t mean to do that. I didn’t mean none of it. I never would have… .”

Jess stayed silent.

“… I never would have done that on purpose. I guess I didn’t know that… that ya gave a shit about me.”

She swallowed hard and tried to decide exactly how honest to be.

“I cared about you.” She croaked, her vulnerability now peeping through the cracks in her hardened exterior.

“That stuff ya wrote in ya journal-" He mentuioned

_Oh lord. This again._

“-it was true.” She interrupted bravely. 

In the months since her departure from the Quarry, she had thought of little else other than that journal entry and the trouble it had caused. She wished she could turn back time and rip the page out, throw it in the fire and pretend it never existed. It was one of the reasons she rarely wrote anything down anymore. But as time ticked on, she realized that if it wasn’t the journal to open a can of worms, it would have been something else. Convinced that Daryl thought nothing of her and that their friendship was a sham, she accepted that the lines of fate would have crossed at some point and shown her that she didn’t belong anyway. She was tired of lying, tired of pretending it was anything other than her spilling her innermost thoughts onto a page.

“I had a crush on you. I lied and said it was all crap because I was embarrassed.” She admitted.

“Oh.” He grunted awkwardly at the same time as scuffing his boot along the ground “OK.”

“It’s in the past, Daryl. It doesn’t matter now. I have to go.” She snapped, attempting to turn around again.

“Hey, we good?” He called out to her as she raced towards the gate.

“I gave you a job and an apology. We’re as good as we can be” was her bland and standard response, thrown over her shoulder while on her mission to put as much distance between them as possible.

* * *

A short run to a canned goods factory sounded good to Jess. An opportunity to get out on the open road and spend some time with the elements. She needed to get out of her own head after spending three days replaying her last conversation with Daryl and staring at the journal in her upturned crate of a nightstand. It was begging to be written in and her head was getting full, but she knew that as soon as she put pen to paper it would force her to acknowledge that which she was fiercely avoiding; she still thought he was the most attractive man she’d ever seen and she hated that he distracted her so much. Part of her felt like she was back at the quarry again, the rumble of nerves in her stomach when she saw him, the pull to admire him from a distance. But one thing remained stronger; her desire to keep her life and emotions to herself. She had no plans to get hurt again and as a self defense mechanism she opted to linger at the sidelines of everything, Deanna’s weekly meetings and Rick’s supply run roster being the main things.

But this was needed and she wasted no time in stepping up and volunteering her services to collect as many boxes of canned food that was left in the factory. She’d felt a sense of satisfaction. The perfect task that kept her out of the way. That was, until Daryl piped up and announced he would go with her. It wasn’t a request and Rick didn’t treat it as such. Needing no convincing, he simply nodded at Daryl and moved on to the next thing on the agenda.

Jess could have strangled him there and then in front of everyone but her quiet, simmering rage soon dispelled when he mumbled in passing that he’d be taking his new bike.

 _At least I don’t have to share a truck cab with him._ She thought.

It wasn’t easy to decide on the route either, with Daryl involved, everything seemed so much more difficult. He insisted that the highway would be the fastest way to their destination and had the cheek to scoff at Jess when she pointed out that the highway left them exposed and like sitting ducks and that they should stick to the smaller, more obscured backroads. His refusal to agree with her flared her temper and she failed to disguise a frustrated sigh as she turned and walked to the truck she’d borrowed.

Daryl was stubborn when he wanted to be and he was sure that they would cut down their journey time by half if they stuck with his idea. But Jess was meticulous and cautious now. She was also not one to suffer fools and waste time on worrying about being diplomatic. He watched her stomp across the street and climb into the truck, closing the door with a loud slam. She waited in the cab, sitting back and drumming her fingers on the steering wheel. Her attitude was new to him but not altogether unpleasant, he couldn’t deny he liked the firm stance with which she held her beliefs and how unafraid she now was to disagree with him.

 _She wants to take the back roads. I wanna take the highway. I guess we should compromise… and take the backroads._ He considered with a small smile.

The factory was surrounded by a bustling crowd of Walkers that Jess chose to drive straight through at full speed, splattering the trucks windscreen with body parts and teeth. Daryl looked on with concern from the other side of the shattered gate and knew he was going to have to dismount his bike and help her chop her way through the remaining Walkers. Her apparent impulsiveness was a surprise to him, until he realized that in ploughing through the crowd she had, in fact, eliminated over half of them.

She jumped from the cab, machete swinging and blood flickering over nearby vehicles and walls. Bolts flew past her, dropping oncoming Walkers. Daryl was working his way towards her with his crossbow aimed and after a solid ten minutes of dodging, stabbing and shoving, they were able to make it inside through a smashed window. Daryl helped her up, using his hands joined together as a step to boost her up and through the gap. When she was safely through, she checked the darkness with her flashlight before leaning back through and offering him her hand. For a split second, he almost refused, unable to believe she would handle his weight, but he knew better than to challenge her capabilities. He slapped a hand into hers and allowed her to help him up the wall and through the window.

Picking through the numbered shelves with flashlights poised and filling large carts was a time consuming process and while Daryl worked his way though one side of the building, Jess covered the other and amused herself by humming a quiet Beatles tune under her breath. When they eventually met in the middle, Jess heaved a large box from a shelf to find Daryl staring back at her from the next aisle. She briefly held his gaze before tossing the box of cans into her cart.

“Wanna tell me why you volunteered for this run? I didn’t need a chaperone.” She questioned.

It was the first time either of them had spoken since leaving Alexandria. Even in the tussle out in the parking lot full of Walkers, not a single word was exchanged between them. Daryl sensed her barely disguised irritation. If he was to answer her question truthfully he would have to confess that she fascinated him and now he knew her true identity and was witness to her evolution, he wanted to spend more time with her. Missing her had become a familiar feeling, but she had walked back into his life and he wanted nothing more than for her to let down her guard a little, although he was almost certain it was never going to happen.

“Relax” he rasped “Was a good excuse to use the bike for the first time.”

“Hm. You like it?” She wanted to know.

“Yeah.” He replied as he scooped his arms around several cans and slid them from the shelf into the cart in his aisle. “Purrs real good.”

A quick snort from Jess saw her veer off at the end of the aisle and head for the shutter to the lot. Reaching the metal structure, she took hold of the chain and pulled with all her might. A harsh rattle sounded through the vast space but the shutter refused to lift. She tried again, grunting with discomfort and using her entire body weight to pull the chain. Still nothing. She stepped back, defeated and hoping Daryl wasn’t watching her. As she rubbed her sore hands together through her gloves, she heard footsteps approach from behind her. A hand reached out and plucked a metal bolt from the chains mechanism.

“Was locked” he mentioned before taking hold of the links and hauling it open. His arms were illuminated in the glow of her flashlight and she not only averted the lights beam but her eyes too while she attempted not to let her attention wane and focus on things too indulgent to be thinking about at that moment in time. If anything, It did wonders to distract her from the embarrassment of not realising the chain was locked into place. 

_That would have taken me a while if he wasnt here. Dumbass._

When Jess backed the truck up to the edge of the loading area and everything they’d collected was moved inside the vehicle, Daryl settled on the edge and lit a smoke with little regard for Jess’s desire to head back to Alexandria. Instead of protesting, Jess sat down beside him, keeping a fair distance between them and exercising some self control over her own body. She wanted to tap her leg, fiddle with her hands and chew her lip. But she kept still and composed.

“You talk to Aaron?” She asked

From her peripheral vision, she saw him exhale a plume of smoke from his lips and nod.

“Yeah. Said our group was the first bunch of decent people found in a long time. ‘Sides you.”

She wasn’t sure if she wanted a conversation but the urge was becoming stronger. She hated that she was still so drawn to him even though the pull to her solitary life was so strong. He was different to before, somehow slightly more open and definitely more mature, she knew that much.

“Humanity is at its worst and best all at once” she found herself saying “Terminus is proof of its worst, Alexandria is proof of its best.”

He looked to the side at her and she met his eye. He tapped ash from his cigarette and it floated to the floor between his boots. She expected him to speak, but whatever he wanted to say was delayed while he examined her mask-less face. A sight he wished he could see more often.

“You really helped us get out? You were really there?” He queried.

The blood. The death. The booming explosion from the gas tank. People running, screaming for their lives. Yes, she was there.

“I saw you on the road a couple days before. With that group of men.” She told him.

He flinched at the memory of the small group he’d attached himself to for a brief spell. A group he should have steered clear of, killed every single one of them while he had the chance. Regret stung his conscience and he dipped his head.

“Hm” he grunted “I didn’t know what they were.”

“I did. I followed you for miles. Watched you sleep from the window of the auto repairs garage. They were another example of the worst of humanity.”

“You were there the whole time.” He stated quietly, the disbelief evident in his voice as the sentence croaked out.

“I was mad at you, but I wouldn’t have let them hurt you.” She admitted. The truth hanging in the air with foreboding. “I realized you were heading for Terminus when I saw you stop at one of those signs. I knew what it was after coming across the signs myself a few weeks before. Instead of just walking in, I scoped it out. Never went back after I saw them burying truck loads of human bones behind the building.” He was glaring at her intently, trying to figure out how she’d changed so much. Become so street smart, so calculating and always seemed to be one step ahead. Then, he remembered the quarry and all of their conversations. Jess was always smart; she was just underestimated by everyone. Even him. Even herself. “I was trying to steer you in a different direction by skirting around your group to get to the signs first, but I got cut off by a herd and by the time I got there, you were nowhere to be seen but Carol was in murder mode in the woods. I knew then that I was too late. I had to help…. I couldn’t just leave you.” The end of her sentence was mumbled, as if she wasn’t sure if she should say it, but Daryl heard her perfectly.” It was pretty unforgettable. Walking through that place was… macabre.”

Daryl threw his smoke away and cast his gaze out across the bloodied ground of the parking lot and loading bay. Bodies scattered all around, most of them chopped into pieces or ground to smithereens by the truck. The air lingered with the stench of rotting flesh, Much like it did at Terminus.

“You don’t wanna talk about it?” He offered without looking at her.

Rustling from beside him caught his attention and it dawned on him that she was casually unwrapping a protein bar during their unintentional lunch break. Little did he know, it was all Jess could do to keep her hands still.

 _When in doubt, eat._ She told herself.

“Since when do you want to talk about stuff like that? She answered with a mouth full of seeds and dried berries.

“Since you had to kill a ton of people back at that hell hole to save our asses." he reminded her "You OK?”

“Gotta be.” She shrugged, swallowing and scrunching the wrapper in her hand.

“Alright. Well. I’m here.” He told her “talk to me, or don’t talk to me. I’m still here”

“Wow” she smirked “You got all sensitive while I was gone.”

“Fine. Forget it.” He quickly dismissed with a flick of his hand as he adjusted his body in his spot.

She smiled at him, the urge too strong to ignore and she found that his face was subtly mirroring her expression. He was glad she was neglecting her mask while she was alone with him and not fighting Walkers. He didn’t know if it was proof that she was starting to trust him or if it was simply that she didn’t need it if there was no one else around. Her blue eyes twinkled in the daylight, the contrast of her dark hair making them seem more icy than usual.

“Seriously, I like sensitive Daryl.” She quipped with a wink in what was possibly the most flirtatious gesture she’d ever offered to anyone. It wasn’t intentional and she shocked herself with just how well executed and smooth it came off.

“Stop.” he grumbled with a huff. Jess grinned smugly to herself when she noticed the pink hue across his cheeks and nose.

_Holy shit. I just made a guy blush. I just made Daryl blush. I must be hallucinating. What was in that protein bar?!_

She grinned at him and he was transfixed. Daryl had never thought anyone to be beautiful, it wasn’t a word he ever used or even mused over. No woman he’d met could be graced with such an adjective and he’d all but accepted that beauty was merely created to quell humanity’s desire for validation. But as Jess dwelled beside him and dragged a rag from her pocket to clean her machete, he stole glimpse of her while she concentrated and decided that maybe, just maybe, beauty was a reality after all.

“What’s with the name? Why Parker?” He asked with the desire to avert his thoughts from the fact that’d he’d always thought of her as attractive in some way, now it was becoming more and more obvious to him that it was stronger than ever and it wasn’t something that he could easily ignore.

“It was my brother’s name.” She answered “we both lost our brothers”

“M’sorry.” He offered sincerely.

She shrugged and let out a sigh, stuffing the bloody rag back into her pocket and tugging the keys to the truck out instead.

“I like to think of it as; at least he doesn’t have to see the world like it is now. All the fear, the death, the depravity. He was spared that. So were the rest of my family.” She explained before getting to her feet and looking down at him.

“Good way of lookin’ at it.” He nodded.

* * *

It was well into the evening by the time Jess and Daryl arrived at the gate and as Abraham was on gate duty, Jess jumped from the truck’s cab and greeted him with a masculine high five. Daryl steered his bike over to the side of the road and watched on with a sting of irritation at Jess’s friendly and accepting display of jest with the big, ginger military man. Her reluctance to make friends and trust people had been conveyed in no uncertain terms but it was the polar opposite to what he was witnessing at that moment. She’d been cold towards him and even questioned his reasons for accompanying her on the food factory run, she may have been more personable towards the end, but there she was, grinning and laughing behind her mask with someone she had nowhere near the same history with.

“A great ass and she brings home the bacon!” Abraham jeered at her

“No bacon, just a nice, cold serving of get-your-eyes-off-my-butt.” She giggled. “Evening, Mustache. you good?”

“Evenin’ darlin’. Feel like a can of mashed assholes. But I’ll live.”

“That’ll be the hangover. As usual.” She pointed out in reference to his habit of indulging in a little too much whiskey each night. She habitually passed his house on her way home from Aaron and Eric's in the evening's and caught him settling into suburban life a little easier than everyone else. Abraham was easily pleased and Jess figured that all he would ever really need was good whiskey, good cigars and a good woman. 

“Tell me you got some cigars in that goldmine.” He requested with a stroke of his beard and his neck craned to see into the truck behind her.

“No. Sorry. Just a whole lotta canned tomatoes.” She shrugged.

Abraham grunted and shot her an unimpressed look as he shifted his weight from one leg to the other and stepped closer to her. From the other side of the street, Daryl was concentrating on trying to hear what was being said as he pretended to check his bike over. The late hour and deserted streets meant their voices were clearer than usual.

“Well then I do declare that I’m owed a consolation prize. What d’ya say?” Abraham suggested.

Delving into her coat pocket, she fetched another protein bar and slapped it against his huge, muscular chest. “Of course, here ya are. Enjoy.” She smirked before turning back to the truck and climbing back behind the wheel without a second glance. 

“You’re stubborn as a mule, woman!” She heard him call out to her when she passed, heading to the pantry to deliver the fruits of her labor.

Daryl was walking his bike across the inside of the gate, heading back to the house when Abraham wandered up to him, chewing eagerly on the protein bar Jess had given him. Seeds attached themselves to the hairs of his beard but he paid it no mind, no one had to be classy in the apocalypse. He shifted his rifle strap on his shoulder and observed the trucks headlights go out by the sidewalk outside the pantry. Jess appeared again and began unloading the vehicle with Olivia, who was frantically scribbling notes on her clipboard.

“Mmm mmm mmm. Little bird tells me she never used to look like she does now.” Abraham commented.

“What?” Daryl probed, knowing who he was referring to but digging for more information.

“Jess. Apparently, she was a little chunky but funky n’ now…well, that ass is damn hypnotic” He pointed out.

“Hey, watch your mouth, man.” Daryl snapped. Anger coursed through his veins and his fists clenched around the motorcycle’s handlebars. Sounding like an overprotective boyfriend wasn’t on his agenda, but it had happened nonetheless and he could only hope that Abraham would take into account Daryl’s frequent and obvious protectiveness over the women of the group and apply the same logic to his relationship, or lack thereof, with Jess.

“Ahh I’m just yankin ya chain. She’s a pretty fine lil thing though, huh?” Was Abraham’s blasé response.

“Uh, yeah. Guess so.” Daryl grumbled. Having heard enough, he continued to push his bike towards the house, only to find the he had acquired an unwanted escort.

“You ‘guess so?’ What are you, gay?”

“Hell naw!” Daryl protested, stopping and glaring at Abraham in disbelief.

“Honestly, I don’t care what hole you think is a goal, ain’t no bother to me.” Abraham chuckled with a playful back slap across Daryl’s leather vest.

“Will you keep your god damn voice down?! I aint gay!” he hissed in defiance.

“Alright, alright!” Abraham conceded, holding his hands up in surrender. He turned his body and began to slowly stride back to the gate. “Me thinks the lady doth protest too much.”

Daryl could hear him say something to himself, under his breath and in a mocking tone. For a second, he had to think about the words he was able to detect as they floated in the air, but this distance between them failed him.

“What you sayin’?” Daryl demanded loudly. 

Abraham stopped and looked over his shoulder, a sly grin on his face.

“I said, I think I been patrolling this gate too much. My replacement is sposed to be here.” He said innocently, raising his hand and gesturing to the gate behind him.

“Mm. Good luck with that.” Daryl grunted before putting some speed behind the bike and wanting to put the conversation behind him. He knew he disliked the way Abraham spoke about Jess, but it wasn’t much different to the way he spoke about other females and Daryl struggled with the fact that the heavy, penetrating feeling in his chest that bothered him so much and only fueled his rage was, in fact, jealousy.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ANOTHER chapter and so soon! My butt is numb from all the writing but if you guys keep loving it, I'll keep writing it. Some good stuff still to come, I have been working with the wonderful requester of this story on lots more scenes and storylines!  
> Lots of dialogue, some action, some tension and an entire chapter of just Jess and Daryl <3
> 
> Apologies for any typos. I shall correct them as I read over it as always.

With the help of Deanna and Michonne, Rick devised a guard and runs roster that seemed to run like a well-oiled machine on a weekly rotational basis. Those with similar skills were paired up with each other and assigned specific duties and tasks outside the walls. Having hunting, tracking and Walker fighting skills, Jess found herself paired up with Daryl at least once a week when he wasn’t out recruiting. It was a result that had left her with mixed feelings. When she was around him, she would cycle between pure irritation and an icy attitude and playful mocking while trying to hide the fact that underneath it all and no matter how difficult she could sometimes present as, she did enjoy spending time with him. Sometimes, it was like it used to be back at the quarry when they joked and Daryl tried and failed to hide his small smiles. Those moments were changing things and Jess’s guard was very gradually lowering but for the most part, she was confusing and standoffish.

Daryl never gave up his efforts to chip away at Jess’s defiance. He could see it glimmering through when she threw shade at him and giggled when he screwed something up. He let her simmer at him and tolerated her moods because she was there, the old Jess, shoved into the dark and repressed but she was most certainly still present and he wanted nothing more than to see her again.

Glenn’s idea of gathering more military grade supplies and armour to match Jess's meant Rick tasked Daryl and Jess with visiting an abandoned military outpost used as a safe zone at the start of the turn. Upon scouting the area himself, he reported back that the ground was scattered with dead soldiers wearing all manner of useful clothing and the inside of the fences may well contain medication or weapons if it hadn’t already been picked clean. Both Jess and Daryl agreed without question and Deanna threw Jess the keys to a pickup truck.

“I’m driving” Jess announced as she flung open the truck’s door in the wispy rain. Her hood was up and her mask obscured her face. Daryl carried his crossbow by the stirrup and rolled his eyes in plain view of Jess, who was sitting in the driver’s seat.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me. We both know you can’t drive stick.” She told him.

“I'm a redneck, course I can drive stick” He mumbled, climbing up into the passenger side and depositing his crossbow on the back seat.

“You almost burned the gearbox out and gave me whiplash the last time. Stick to what you’re good at. Y’know, hunting, smoking and looking angry as shit all the time.” She turned the key and brought the engine to life, switching up the windscreen wipers to a low pace. Dust was smeared across the glass before it was finally washed away by the rain.

“Fine one to talk.” He rasped, slouching down in his seat and thudding his boots up on the dash.

“Excuse me?” She questioned.

“You. Always lookin’ at me like ya gonna cloud up n’ rain on me.” He braced himself for what would undoubtedly be a barrage of fury at his observation of her mostly angry demeanor. But he was waiting for something that never came and eventually, he glanced to his side to see her staring at him over the edge of her mask.

“I’m sorry” She whispered seriously.

Stunned, Daryl sat up slightly and tried not to appear so baffled. He scanned the area outside the truck, seeing people milling past, heading out to their daily jobs. He was glad no one could see them due to the partially fogged up windows.

“Uh...It’s OK.” He informed her. And it was. He mostly understood her reasons for wanting to keep a safe distance emotionally and the last thing he would ever want to do is hurt her again. But he couldn’t say he was altogether comfortable with it. “C’mon, let’s go.”

* * *

The military camp was a temporary one, only designed to be erected in case of severe emergencies. The fences were broken down and the tents inside had been raised, leaving only empty bullet casings and blood decorating the asphalt. But Rick had been right, the sheer number of dead soldiers, even those reanimated as Walkers would provide them with ample armor if they were ever in a position of needing to defend themselves and the town against an onslaught of some kind.

Daryl slinked through a gap in the fence and scurried, with his body low from the back of one tent to another until he reached what appeared to be a tank. The open area in the middle of the camp was crawling with Walkers, at least a dozen, probably more, He didn’t have time to count as he scaled the side of the armored vehicle and signaled with one hand for Jess to follow. The rain had only grown stronger the further away from Alexandria they travelled and the temperature was dropping rapidly as the day crept on. He rarely felt the cold but wished he’d brought his leather jacket with him this time, his bare arms somewhat impractical for a cold, wet supply run.

Jess wasn’t complaining, she followed the trail of the arms she so admired, winding around the bodies on the ground, the canvas structures and the bloody patches when she finally reached the tank. Daryl reached down to her, helping her climb up the metal and they both took up positions beside one another and surveyed the amount of work they had to put in.

“Gonna have to get rid of most of these Walkers.” Daryl suggested. “See that, over there?” He raised an arm, pointing at a tent that was full of black storage cases. “We can’t leave without checkin’ that out.”

“Yeah, it has potential. My dad and brother used to use those cases.” She mused, remembering the many different houses she’d lived in as an army brat, all the camo, the gear, the medals, running around with a bunch of boys playing ball as a child. Those were the days.

Daryl readied his crossbow and shifted, getting comfortable.

“Wait” Jess said. He peered sideways at her.

“You take the left; I’ll take the right. First one to clear their section, wins.” She grinned as she slipped her bow over her head and nocked an arrow.

“Wins what?” He asked.

“I haven’t thought that far ahead yet. Glory, I guess.”

“I like glory.” He stated.

“You do?”

“Yeah”

“That’s a shame ‘cause you’re gonna lose!” She cried, firing off an arrow and dropping the nearest Walker on her side.

Daryl rapidly began to take down the corpses, one by one with meticulous precision and Jess had to admit she was still impressed by his accuracy with a crossbow. Even his reload took mere seconds which was one thing she thought may give her the advantage. Her arm began to ache after she dropped the tenth Walker on her side and she paused to count how many Daryl had left to take down. There were a lot more than she’d initially thought, especially when she counted twelve eliminated Walkers on her opponents’ side with three more being taken down. She turned back to her targets, four left.

_He’s got this._

In the blink of an eye, Daryl’s side was empty and Jess was still aiming and shooting, now with only two Walkers left. Daryl floored one while she successfully dropped the other and slowly turned her head to face him, her lip curled in disgust.

“I hope you choke on your glory.” She growled.

“Tastes real sweet. You should try it some day.” He remarked in response with a smug smile.

Jess slid down the tanks front and jumped down onto the ground, closely followed by Daryl. They stepped over the bodies and shoved some aside from the entrance of the tent. Jess flipped open one of the black boxes and Daryl saw her face light up.

“Looks like we’re both getting some glory.” She grinned as she held up a heavy combat vest.

The rest of the boxes were brimming with combat clothing and their find had put them both in a decent mood, Jess’s being more evident than Daryl’s, who was much more stoic in general anyway. But he enjoyed her gentle mockery of him as they loaded up the back of the truck with boxes and tore any armor from the dead people that littered the camp. Daryl was pleased to have Jess’s smart comments and continuous chatter as a backdrop to such a monstrous and stomach-churning task.

* * *

When they had gathered everything that they could fit onto the flatbed, they covered it with a tarp and Jess embarked on the long drive back to Alexandria. After only a few minutes on the road, Daryl suggested they pull over and check out the woodlands for animals to hunt. When Jess disagreed, he managed to talk her into it by promising only an hour and if they didn’t have any decent tracks to follow, they could return to the truck.

She pulled into a small clearing in the trees and killed the engine before following Daryl into the darkening woods. Neither of them spoke as they trundled along as quietly as possible. Walkers were nowhere to be seen and Jess thought that to be a saving grace. When Daryl stopped to inspect some tracks in the mud, they were soon setting off in pursuit of what he thought could be a sizeable hog.

A fast-moving stream seemed to appear from nowhere up ahead and Daryl held up a hand, halting her behind him. She had to admit to herself that her heart wasn’t in it and she just wanted to return to her fairground home and collapse into bed, but the thought of hog for dinner wasn’t an altogether bad one. He moved forwards until they were both stood at the edge of the stream. The water was murky, mud kicked up from the bottom as though something had recently ran through it. The rain meant the streams banks were coated in thick, clay-like mud.

“Must have gone through the stream. Tracks have gone.” Daryl mused.

“Bye bye, Bacon.” Jess sighed. “C’mon, lets go back.”

The sound of engines raging towards them caused Jess to still and her mouth to drop open.

_How have vehicles got this far into the woods?!_

She didn’t have time to think before Daryl’s arms locked around her waist and she was thrown down into the water and out of the view of the five motorcycles that appeared from the thick dullness of the woods on the other side of the water. Jess gawped up at Daryl from where she sat in the water, panic evident on her face. He was peering over the top of the bank, over the grass and witnessing a group of men heading straight for them. All heavily armed.

He dove at her, ripping her bow from her body and throwing it under the water with his crossbow before dragging her down and under a nearby trees roots. The bank underneath stepped up slightly into a ledge that was wide enough to fit the width of her body. She didn’t struggle, in fact, she just let him manhandle her into the tiny space and stared at him in shock when he scooped up handfuls of the mud and smeared it all over her arms, legs and torso. Then, he set to work on himself, covering as much skin as he could and ensuring that they were both the same color as the muddy stream. He ducked under the roots and lowered himself on top of her just as the men neared and began to settle down, talking and jeering at one another.

Daryl’s body was pinning her to the sodden ground. Water dripped from his hair onto her face but she kept completely still, save for her breathing which was now jagged and shaky. He looked at her face, noticing it was completely clean in contrast to the rest of her and may as well have had a flash light beam shining on it. He slowly moved a hand up from the mud and gently wiped the brown gloop over her cheeks and forehead in a strange display of what would otherwise be mistaken for affection. She could only stare up at him.

“Shh.” He hushed.

* * *

It felt like hours. It may have been hours because night had fallen and the cold was biting at her bones. Daryl was fighting to hold himself over Jess without crushing her and his arms were trembling with the tension. They could hear the men building a fire and throwing insults at one another. Occasionally they would laugh about someone they’d killed which sent a shiver through Jess’s spine that wasn’t caused by the cold. Her only view was the stream trickling past beside her and Daryls eyes above her and the more she looked at him the more she thought that even in this situation, at risk of being killed and covered in shit and mud, he was still gorgeous to her. Having him pushed against her had created undeniable sexual tension and neither of them knew what to do about it.

“You alright?” He asked in a barely-there whisper. A short nod was what followed and he could see she was about to say something from her eyes darting around, from his face to the water beside them.

“This is kind of…awkward.”

She felt his body jolt momentarily from the short huff that escaped him. His arms were locking hers to her sides to keep her level on the tiny ledge and when his hair dropped into her face again, he flicked his head slightly to dislodge the sodden strands, failing in his efforts and giving up. He hadn’t been this physically close to a woman in years, his whole body pressed against her and his face inches from hers. He could feel the curves of her chest and waist and her hips were level with his. When his outside leg slipped from the muddy ledge, she bent her knee at his thigh to provide him with some extra stability. It wasn’t awkward to him at first, merely a matter of survival and needs must, but now she’d mentioned it and she was cocooned under him and his mind was kicked into overdrive.

_Uuuggh, Damn friction. Think of somethin’ else._

“Ya just had to mention that, didn’t ya?” He complained in a quiet growl

“Sorry.” She croaked.

The crackling of a fire could be heard up on the grass and the smell of smoke wafted down the stream’s banks and tickled Jess’s nostrils along with the delightful smell of cooking meat. Her stomach growled and vibrated and Daryl furrowed his brow at her as if he’d felt her stomach rumble and that she shouldn’t be thinking about food at a time like that.

One of them men was on his feet and wandering around, the crunching of the leaves under his boots getting louder and quieter and then louder again and it told them he was circling the group, possibly setting up tents or sorting supplies. Their conversation became more concerning as time went on and soon, they were discussing how many more women they needed to start re-populating the earth.

“He said not to come back unless we had one. We can’t go back empty handed.” One man said.

“Our supplies are runnin’ low. Can’t stay out here much longer neither” another offered.

“Y’all heard the man! What he wants, he gets or we all suffer. He’s been in a bad mood since we swept that entire city and found a whole bunch of nothin’. So, we keep lookin’.” A louder and more authoritative man explained.

Jess automatically thought about the large group that encroached on the city while she was living in her apartment. Their Mad Max style vehicles and the woman in the cage, it all told her that the men that were just yards away from her could well be from the same group.

Daryl toyed with the idea of trying to slide his arms back up to Jess’s face and clamping his hands over her ears so she didn’t have to hear their savage and disgusting accounts of what they would do if they did have such a prize in their possession. He noticed her body trembling even more.

“Ya shakin’.” He whispered.

“F-freezing.” She mouthed.

He moved further over her, covering her entire body with his and it occurred to her that this was the closest she was ever likely to be with him. She wanted to wrap her arms around his waist and push a hand into his dirty, wet hair and kiss him. She could see it in her imagination, what a wonderful sight it was, minus the mud. But it wasn’t the time and he wouldn’t want her to anyway. She decided to keep the image on reserve, a girl could dream.

“Cross ya arms in front of ya.” He told her, lifting his chest slightly to allow her room before settling his arms flush with her sides. It was far from comfortable for him in more ways than one and Jess could tell he would end up with a terrible neck ache if he stayed as he was.

“You can rest your head on my shoulder.” She offered. He hesitated, his blue eyes peering down into hers with apprehension. “You won’t be able to move for days if you stay like that.” She didn’t know if he’d heard her, he was just staring down at her and the darkness meant his face was now partially obscured, the light of the moon reflecting off the water was the only source of illumination. She didn’t want to repeat herself for fear of being heard by the depraved group of men in the clearing and so, she stayed quiet.

“K” he finally agreed. He gently turned his head to the side and lowered it onto her shoulder.

_He did hear me. Oh my god. This feels so weird. And nice. He must be super uncomfortable._

“Relax, I can take your weight.” She informed him. His body became heavier but it was tolerable, warmer but more awkward as time rolled on. The men were eating and still swapping stories of people they’d killed. Jess held her breath every time it sounded like one of them was getting up and closing in on their hiding spot. Her arms were numb and her skin was wrinkled and she was almost certain Daryl could feel every churn of her stomach and the hammering of her heart.

Daryl didn’t envision being on top of anyone like this. It was a rare occurrence for him to think of anyone in a sexual manner, but with her underneath him it was difficult not to. He was desperately trying to focus on their escape route and not the pretty face and curves under his body. His sole aim had been to get her out of sight and disguised enough to keep her alive, his own fate meaning less than hers. So far he had prevailed and his plan had worked but they couldn’t stay much longer. He could only hope the men would sleep soon and he and Jess could slip out undetected. She wriggled under him and he lifted his head, checking her face in the faint moonlight.

_Stay still. Please, stay still. Stop rubbin’ against me. Shit._

“Sorry. My ass is numb.” She uttered.

“Yeah? Well, my everythin’ is numb. Keep still.” He told her.

A short sigh followed a nod of acceptance from Jess and she rested her head to the side, watching the water as it trickled past in its tiny, mud filled waves.

“Hey, Bobby. Get ya lazy ass up and go on over yonder to that stream. We need us some water. Gonna have boil the shit out of it but it’ll have to do.” Came the voice of authority from the group.

Jess’s heart felt like it jumped up to her throat and Daryl jolted before his arms closed further into her sides, urging her not to move an inch. He heard her breathing increase as panic began to set in.

“It’s ok.” He soothed “I got this. It’s ok.”

Footsteps neared their location, along with tuneful whistling and intermittent mumbling about how they were all going to catch damn rabies from drinking that water but if Jack says it, then it must be so. Daryl shuffled up and brought his lips to her ear, his breath tickling at her neck.

“Whatever happens, stay here.”

She shook her head “But, I can help.”

“No.” He grunted back.

“Daryl-”

“-Shut up n’ listen to me, girl.” He demanded “I don’t care what you say or how much ya argue with me. Ya heard what they said n’ there’s five of ‘em n two of us. I can’t let them see you. Ya female. I won’t have ‘em touchin’ you. So, please…Jess…just stay here.”

Daryl wasn’t sure if he meant it as an affectionate motion but it screamed tenderness and caring when he lifted himself onto one elbow and gently moved some of her hair from her face. She blinked at him and held her breath, wishing that they were anywhere else but tucked under the roots of a tree in the darkness and laying in a puddle of stinking mud.

“I won’t lose you...not again.” He added.

Emotion rushed to the surface inside Jess and her eyes turned watery, she had no way to hide it and was forced to accept that Daryl could probably see that she wanted to cry.

“OK.” She agreed “but, Daryl...?”

The footsteps were almost upon them.

“Yeah?”

“Please don’t die”

She was sure she could sense his hand open at the side of her face as if he were about to caress her cheek but she couldn’t be sure, the darkness and her inability to take her eyes away from his face left her unable to decide. If he did, he stopped short of actually touching her and in the seconds that followed her thoughts were ripped away from his potentially romantic gesture and thrown towards the man that was crouched at the side of the stream, whistling and edging further towards the lip of the bank to fill the plastic bottle in his hand. He was a stones throw from them, a meter or so and Daryl was weighing up his options.

Jess almost squeaked in surprise when the man slipped from the edge and tumbled into the water, creating a loud splash. He swore loudly and sat up like toddler in a playpen, shaking his wet hair from his face and spitting out dirty water. Then, his head turned and he locked eyes with Daryl and Jess. The seconds that passed between him noticing them and his mouth opening to yell were more like minutes and slow-motion ones at that.

“ _HEY GU-”_

He was cut off by Daryl throwing himself at him and barreling him back under the water. Jess shot up and crawled from the bank, ignoring Daryl’s instructions to stay put and grabbed her bow and his crossbow from under the water. When she took a glance at the other men up in the clearing, they were all too busy laughing to have noticed the noise of the fracas that was unfolding in the stream.

Daryl’s arms glistened in the moonlight as he clenched his jaw and held on to the man’s throat with all his might. His victims head was completely submerged, bubbles billowing up to the surface from his nose and mouth. A strained grunt escaped Daryl as he shoved down harder, wishing the man would just give up so they could escape. He avoided the kicking of his legs and the desperate clawing of the man’s hands on his chest and biceps and kept on, applying more and more pressure while covered in dark mud like a crazed swamp monster. Jess slung the crossbow over her shoulder and readied her bow, nocking an arrow and taking a rough aim, well aware that she could shoot Daryl in the wrist or hand under the water if she got it wrong. The mud from her face was trickling into her eyes and she tried to blink it away, blurring her vision more. She steadied her breathing and tried to focus and just when she was about to release the arrow, the man went limp. She looked on with wide eyes, knowing that Daryl had killed people but seeing him murder a man in front of her made it all the more real.

Daryl’s chest was rising and falling rapidly and despite the freezing temperatures, his brow was slick with sweat. He flickered his eyes up to her and sprang to his feet, keeping his body low he grabbed her wrist.

“C’mon, we gotta run ‘fore they find him.”

Climbing up the bank as quietly as humanly possible proved to be quite the task with nothing between them to obscure the vision of the men around the campfire. Daryl had to choose a moment and stick with it and when he did, he pulled on Jess’s arm so hard he almost flung her off of her feet and up to the woodland floor. She grabbed handfuls of leaves and twigs as she dragged herself up to start running and felt Daryl clamp a hand around her wrist once more. He ran as fast as he could and eventually let go when he saw that she could keep up with him without assistance.

Behind them, shouting could be heard by the stream. The men had discovered their dead friend and Jess didn’t feel an ounce of guilt when she hoped that he would turn in the water and kill them all. Her feet were squelching inside her boots as they hammered the dirty ground and leapt over fallen branches and logs. Although the paranoia and fear that swirled around in her head was telling her otherwise, the distance between her and Daryl and their pursuers was enough to provide them with precious seconds upon reaching their truck.

Daryl jumped into the driver’s seat and Jess didn’t bother to make a comment about him not being able to understand a gearbox. Instead, she simply clambered into the passenger’s side and yelled at him to drive. Ignoring her instance upon trying to burst his eardrums, he tried to focus and the truck jumped back once, then twice.

“Stop switching it up so much!” She cried “Put it in first, then switch it!”

“I am, dammit.” He snapped back.

She could see silhouetted figures charging towards them through the trees and flashlights darting about like a light show. Her heart was pounding in her head.

“They’re coming, Daryl. Move the damn truck” she muttered, now rooted to the spot with fear. “We need to move. We need to go or they’re going to turn me into a baby machine. Let’s go. Come on, move it.”

“I know! Just shut up!” he spat, seemingly making the trucks gears grind with everything he tried.

“Trust me to get stuck with the one Redneck who can’t drive stick!” Jess suddenly yelled, trying to stand up in the tiny cab and shifting in front of him with her backside in his face. He sat back and held his hands up, not wanting to touch her without warning and make her even more mad.

“What the fuck are ya doin?!” He shouted back at her.

“Giving you a lap dance! What the hell do you think I’m doing?! Move your ass across to the other seat, I’m driving!” She shrieked at him.

“God sakes, girl!” He complained while he slid across the seats to the other side and made sure the doors were locked. 

Jess put the truck in gear, switched to reverse and hit the gas. The truck shot backwards to the road where she spun the wheel and set off into the distance, leaving the furious men from the clearing jogging to a halt behind them. Daryl opened the glove box and retrieved a map, opening it up on the dash and switching on the overhead light.

“What d’ya think? Circle back or change direction?” He questioned. He knew she would understand what he meant. She was smart enough to know that they had to choose one of two options to be able to outrun them when they got back to their bikes and set off down the same road.

“Change direction.” She answered.

“Alright.” He agreed “Take a right at the end of this road and just keep drivin’, we’ll have to camp somewhere.”

Her face was drying tight with the mud that was caked over her skin and she remembered how softy Daryl had smeared it across her cheeks. Despite the vehicle starting to smell like animal faeces and stagnant water and the two of them looking like the creatures from the black lagoon, Jess couldn’t help but admit that she enjoyed the feeling of him protecting her and in particular, how gentle he had been when he pushed her hair from her face with a fingertip.

The movement of the truck meant that his body swayed subtly as he leaned against the window and sighed. Jess stole a few glances here and there when guilt struck her for yelling at him. The road ahead was sill and dark and rain lashed against the windscreen as the truck pummeled through it. She could see no other headlights or signs of other vehicles each time she checked the rear-view mirror and could only conclude that they’d managed to escape and that if they stayed on the road a little longer, they would be able to find somewhere safe to stop for the night. Another glimpse to her side saw Daryl peering out of his window into the blackness.

“Keep ya eyes on the road.” He ordered.

“I am” She argued.

“No, ya aint. Ya keep lookin’ at me. Can see ya in the reflection.”

_Dammit. You’d have made a shitty spy._

In pure spite of his comment and to prove that she wasn’t going to plough into the non-existent oncoming traffic, she twisted her body to face him and glared right at him. He scoffed and shook his head at her stubbornness. Whatever she’d been doing in the months she was apart from him; she’d definitely developed a stubbornness and a sense of defiance that he didn’t detect in her before. Ignoring her almost childish gesture, he leaned forwards to check the map after spotting a road sign that meant they were at least three miles out from where they’d come across the dangerous group of men.

Deciding between them on the next steps to take, they opted to continue driving until they were well out of the way of any patrolling members of their group and Jess put her foot to the floor and sped the truck to the next intersection, where she headed for the highway.

* * *

After forty minutes, Daryl held a hand up and signaled for her to slow down, a street sign for ‘The Blue Moon Show lounge’ shot past and he told her to take the next left. Jess was tired and disinterested in arguing, she could have fallen asleep at the wheel if she had to drive any further and so the inviting idea of four walls and a roof was a much desired one.

Little did she know, ‘The Blue Moon’ was an off the highway strip bar nestled at the end of a dirt track and hidden rom the road. It provided them with a place to keep the truck and a roof over their heads for the night. They worked together to clear the building with Jess taking the main bar area and Daryl sweeping the rooms at the back. Five dead bodies were inside, one almost skeletal and the others so chewed up that it was impossible for them to be a threat. Jess put them down easily with her knife and Daryl dragged them out to the storage room.

When he returned to the bar, Jess had upturned two flashlights to light up the room and was noisily rummaging around behind the counter, lifting up bottles and squinting at the labels. She’d emptied the refrigerators and huffed and puffed like a train when she appeared to come up with nothing.

Daryl headed to the door and secured the inside lock, giving the doors a shake in their frames to ensure they were solid enough to protect them.

“For god sakes” he heard her hiss to herself.

“What’s up?” He asked

“All this liquid and there’s not one, single drop of water. I want to clean this crap off my skin.” She complained.

He joined her behind the bar and examined the top shelf above the optics where there was a line of branded vodka bottles that all appeared to be full. He reached up and slid one from the shelf, unscrewing the cap and smelling it.

“Use this” he suggested.

“Really? A vodka shower?” She commented, unimpressed.

“No, dumbass. It’s water. They fill the bottles with it to make ‘em look full. S’all for show”

She didn’t ask how he knew such information and he was glad of it. He’d spent most of his life tagging along with his father and Merle in bars and strip clubs and as a result tended to know a lot of the tricks of the trade. He wasn’t proud of it and hardly ever enjoyed it, although he kept that fact to himself, knowing better than to complain and that if he did it was likely to get him nothing but a beating.

“Oh” She remarked with a degree of embarrassment “Well, OK. You’re going to have to leave the room or turn around or something. I need some privacy.”

“Check out back. These places usually have private rooms.” He suggested carelessly while rounding the bar and plonking down in a plush chair in front of the stage. Jess followed him and stopped at the start of the seating area. She raised her eyebrow at him. Now, she was going to ask.

“You spend a lot of time in titty bars before the turn, Daryl?” She smirked. 

“No.” He mumbled, taking a quick swig from a half bottle of liquor he’d picked up from behind the bar. He hadn’t been drunk since the turn and had no intentions to either. He didn’t like who he was when he was drunk, so the bottle in his hand was only there to take the edge off after recent events “Not unless my brother dragged me to ‘em.”

“Right. Blame it on Merle. So, it wasn’t the breast implants and g-strings?” She grinned.

_That damn smile. Stop it._

“You’re an ass, y’know that?” His comment was not only directed at her mockery of his knowledge of strip bars, it was also a veiled prod at her bright smile and the effect it had on him. He wasn’t sure if he wanted her to smile or not anymore.

“Yeah. I’m good with that.” She agreed as she headed for the double doors that led to the back rooms.

“’Sides, this aint a titty bar. S’a show lounge” He called out, hearing her chuckle as she left the room.

Jess paced through a hallway full of framed pin up pictures and pushed open doors as she went. Finding a dressing room and the private rooms Daryl was so sure was in existence. She entered the first once where she was able to partially undress and wash some of the mud from her skin with a t-shirt she found screwed up and discarded on the red, velvet couch. There were other clothes scattered about. The room boasted rather obvious CCTV cameras and she wonders how much one might pay for a dance in such a room.

Daryl took the opportunity to amble around the building and collect any supplies they might need. When he reached the hallway, he passed the partially open door to the room Jess occupied and found himself doing a double take. The glimpse of her bare skin and the clasp of a black bra through the crack in the door rendered him motionless and everything around him seemed to just drop away. Her back was to him as she gently wiped at her arms with the wet T-shirt. He knew he shouldn’t look and guilt raged through him but she was a vision, even from behind and with her skin sporting the cracked, jagged lines of dried mud. Her black hair swayed at her back in waves from being tied up into a braid. She dropped the t-shirt and lifted both hands, twisting her hair up on top of her head and fastening it with an elastic. He thought for a moment that he might have been dreaming at the sight of the curve of her waist, but it was real. So very real and all he could do was bite his lip and force himself to move on down the hall, giving Jess back the privacy that she deserved.

When she returned to the main area, she found him sat on the floor of the stage at the bottom of the pole opening up two cans of pasta with his knife. Jess was relieved they always packed cans in the truck in case they got caught holed up somewhere with no food, much like the situation she found herself in at that moment. She was starving, the smell of the meat from the camp by the stream stirring her need to eat.

Daryl slid a can to her when she sat down cross-legged opposite him with the pole between them and looked around the room, craning her neck to observe the ceiling, the unused lighting rigs and the DJ booth. She mirrored him as he lifted his can to his lips and took big gulps of the gloopy pasta. Her stomach immediately began to settle with some sustenance and she was soon feeling a lot more human again.

“So, how much would you expect to pay for a private room in a place like this?” She wanted to know. The need to wind him up a little more mixing with her genuine curiosity from standing in the room and playing with the idea of what the business must have been like before the turn.

“A lot.” He grumbled.

“C’mon, I’m curious. What would happen in there?” She pressed

“Private dance. No clothes. Some dirty talk. No rush to the next guy with a wad of fiftys. S’bout it.”

Her eyebrows lifted and she emptied the final remnant of the pasts into her mouth and chewed. When she was done, she thudded the can down beside her and narrowed her eyes at him.

“You ever done that?” She questioned

His expression changed as he looked up at her through his hair with a can of pasta gripped in his fist. At first, he was calm and willing to talk but her topic of choice was grating on him.

_For someone who doesn’t wanna be too friendly she’s sure askin’ me a lot of shit._

“That what you think of me?” he wanted to know.

“Course not, you said Merle dragged you to places like this. So, I just wondered.” She shrugged as if it was nothing.

“Nah. I aint. Not my thing.” He replied. Cutting the conversation short when he lit a smoke and fell silent. His face was downcast and Jess could tell he was tired too. Taking another person’s life was never an easy task, even in a ‘one or the other’ situation. Given no choice, Daryl had acted to save them both and Jess knew from personal experience that the vision of it doesn’t just go away.

“Are you alright?” She asked him.

“Yeah.” He replied thoughtfully. It wasn’t hard to guess what she was referring to and he appreciated her asking.

“What you did back there… keeping me safe…” she started with a quick glance up at him. He was watching her though his still damp hair. “…thank you. I’m not so good with people. I can fight walkers but when it comes to people, I’ve always managed to just stay out of sight. Terminus was the first time I put myself in full view of anyone still living for a long time. I panicked tonight.”

“I’d do it again tomorrow. Forget it.” Was his oxymoron of a reply. Simple but complex in a way only Daryl could create. He said very little but meant a world of things behind it. It was not lost on Jess; she knew exactly what he meant without having to dissect the sentence.

_I’d kill a hundred people just to keep you safe._

“Sorry I almost crushed ya.” He mumbled as he picked at the frayed thread on the ankle of his boot.

“Oh, don’t worry. You didn’t. It’s fine. We had no choice.”

“Yeah. For sure. No choice.”

“Uh Huh. I mean, it wasn’t all bad…”

_Stop talking, Jess._

“…you kept me warm. I hope I kept you warm. It was- it was OK. Was fine...”

_Stop. Fucking. Talking._

“…it was nice. I mean, it wasn’t _nice_ like _that_ , uh…no. It was nice _of you_. I’m going to stop talking now”

He nibbled on his lower lip, a habit he used to stop himself from smiling but it was showing regardless, the corner of his mouth curling up. He didn’t know what she was trying to tell him or why she was suddenly so all over the place and full of nerves, but he did feel the intense, awkward nature of their experience under the trees roots in the stream and he couldn’t deny that if it had been anyone else but Jess, that awkwardness wouldn’t have been present at all. She was turning herself inside out as she picked at the cold can of pasta that had been discarded and brought back to her hands and he could practically see her cursing herself for talking too much. It was the most vulnerable he’d seen her since the quarry and in that moment, he was certain that the old Jess never really went away at all. Opting to change the subject and spare her the agony of mulling over her previous ramblings, he entertained his desire to find out more about why she left.

“Ya never told me exactly why ya bailed” he mentioned.

Unable to avoid his questions, with no one or nowhere to run to, she accepted she at least had to offer him some kind of explanation and after he’d murdered a man with his bare hands to keep her safe, it was the least she could do.

“A few reasons. I didn’t fit in. I was an outcast.”

Being made to actually say the reasons why she left wasn’t something she thought she’d have trouble with. Before it had all been written down in the confines of the pages in her journal. Now, having to voice her decision-making process was turning out to be harder than she thought.

“And I aint? I aint like them. You know that.” He countered.

“You belong with them. I didn’t.” She clarified.

She could tell her answer was nowhere near good enough for him and when he took a long pull of his smoke and sighed thoughtfully, she knew the conversation was far from over.

“That the real reason?” He pressed.

“You mean aside from hearing you say I meant nothing to you and the humiliation?” She quickly threw in.

“That was bullshit, Jess. Ya know I didn’t mean that.” He told her with no hesitation “N’ ya shouldn’t have let those bitches drive ya away like that.”

Hindsight had been a wonderful thing in the story of why Jess had left the camp. There were plenty of why’s and what ifs to contemplate when she thought back but perhaps the biggest one to her was; what if she’d stayed and asked him about what she’d heard? Would it have changed anything? In her heart she knew it probably wouldn’t have and that she still would have ended up departing at some point. She didn’t mean to dredge up the past and what she’d overheard yet again, in fact, she would rather have let it stay in the past and never be spoken of again. But it slipped out and now she knew she sounded bitter and resentful.

“Let me ask you something.” She said, shuffling forwards and holding on to the pole. She rested her head on the back of her hand. “When we first spoke, you asked me exactly what I did in the group. I couldn’t answer you. What did I contribute? What was my role exactly? Carol, she cooked, cleaned everybody’s clothes and is actually really strategic and logical and apparently great with a rifle. Glenn was the go-to guy for runs, You and Merle were the hunters. What did I do?”

Daryl had no answer to offer. All he could do was stare at her and his simmering gaze would have made her knees weak had she been standing up.

“Exactly. So, it wasn’t just a decision I made for me. I made it for everybody else too. I was one less mouth to feed. I’m not sorry I left, Daryl. Look at me now, I’m so much better off for it. I can look after myself. I’m not just some chubby nerd anymore.” She explained.

“Stop it.” He snapped.

“Stop what? Telling the truth?”

“Aint the truth” he argued, stubbing out his smoke on the stage and flicking it behind him.

“Yes, it is! I buried my head in books and still wore collectible T-Shirts! That girl, she was a big, useless nerd. It’s been a long time since I was her.”

“Yeah. I noticed.”

“You don’t like the change?” She asked.

“Never said that.”

“I guess I always liked the idea of not being what everybody else expected me to be.” She mused.

“Ya doin’ a great job.”

“Your sarcasm is stifling.” She shot at him with an irritated look.

“There wasn’t nothin wrong with ya.” He affirmed.

“Funny, that’s not how I was made to feel.”

“Yeah? Well I was out trackin’ that girl every day for two weeks!” He threw at her with a raised voice. “Guess she was really listenin’ when I taught her how to track. Covered ‘em well.” He got to his feet and started to pace the stage, back and forth, outwardly riled and angered by his disagreement of her choices. But they were not his choices to make and she was not about to get into a debate over that.

Jess didn’t rise to his temper. She stayed in her spot by the pole and witnessed him gradually slow down as the minutes passed.

“I listened to everything you taught me. If you hadn’t taught me all the things you did, I wouldn’t be here now.” She offered as a kind of truce.

_You’re mad at me. But you’re the reason I’m still alive. You kept me alive and you weren’t even there._

“Shouldn’t have taught ya nothin. Ya wouldn’t have left then.” He mumbled under his breath.

His admittance said more to Jess than she’d anticipated and she realized as she sat and studied his body language, expression and the things he was saying that she really had hurt him by leaving without a word. By leaving at all. It was now more obvious than ever that he didn’t mean a word of what he said to Merle. Until then, Jess had never dared to hope that she meant anything to anyone. But it was etched on Daryl’s face as plain as day.

“I’d be dead if it wasn’t for you” She whispered.

“Whatever” He grunted, jumping down from the stage and grabbing the liquor bottle from the seat he’d previous been resting in. He took a large gulp, winced and headed to the bar.

“Since you successfully managed to destroy that conversation, I’m going to find somewhere to sleep. Wake me in a couple hours and we’ll swap.” She declared.

“The fuck do you even want from me, huh?” He questioned out of nowhere. “Say ya don’t want nothin’ to do with nobody, live like a damn hermit, refuse to move to Alexandria. Ya let Abraham leer at ya like some two-dollar whore n ya blow so fuckin hot n’ cold with me I don’t know what the hell you want!”

In truth, Jess wasn’t sure what she wanted when she first revealed her identity to him. But after the events of the last 24 hours and all the days spent engaged in prodding mockery and sometimes meaningless conversations, she could conclude that trying to re-build what they used to have was what she truly wanted. But it wasn’t that easy. She blinked slowly at him from the stage, standing just out of the beam of the flashlight and tried to ignore his scathing comments, purely born from his anger. 

“It’s complicated.” She uttered. “I spent so long thinking you hated me. I don’t trust anybody.” He wanted to yell at her that he never hated her, that he cared about her more than even he knew and how much it killed him when she left.

“Ya said we’re as good as we’re gonna be. We’re doin’ better than that. You know we are” He commented. “Do you even wanna be friends like we were before? You n’ me?”

She jumped down from the stage and paused by the double doors with her hand flat on the surface. His apparent unwavering belief in their ability to re-build their friendship was touching and something she wanted to believe with every piece of her heart. His words back at the stream echoed in her head. 

_"I won't lose you...not again."_

“You and me” She echoed with a sad smile. “It’s a nice prospect…. I’m trying, Daryl.” She uttered before heading through the door and back to the private room she changed in. Before she could even think of such a heavy topic, she needed to invite the sweet embrace of sleep her heavy eyes and weary bones so craved.

* * *

Deanna was frantic when Daryl and Jess finally arrived back at Alexandria in the evening of the following day after enduring hours of tense silence. The route back was longer than expected due to how far out of the way Jess had driven them to avoid the eyes of the group of bikers from the woods. Once Jess explained to Alexandria’s leader what had happened and Daryl unloaded the boxes at the armory, Jess handed the keys back and crossed the street in pursuit of Aaron, who she’d spotted sitting on his front porch when she drove through the gate. Daryl noticed her striding past him and ran after her, catching her arm with his hand. She whirled around, mask and hood up and her eyes flashed with impatience.

“Sorry. ‘bout last night. I was an asshole.” He said, stepping closer and checking his surroundings. Night was falling and the streets were still occupied by patrols and children playing.

“It’s fine. I understand.” She said before trying to back up but he only followed her.

“I’ve never been good with feelings n' stuff. ‘Cept anger. Anger’s what I do.” He confessed.

“You don’t have to explain. Really. Thanks again for what you did - making sure I was safe. Goodnight” She nodded at him with another attempt to move away and this time she triumphed. Daryl stood at the side of the road, under a street light and watched her approach Eric and Aaron’s porch.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HELLO! Sincere apologies for my absence and the lack of updates. I have fractured my ankle and the pain has made it super hard to concentrate. But, it's gradually easing and I've managed to get another chapter uploaded!  
> Thanks to everyone who's still here and reading.

Supply runs were a weekly, almost daily task. Feeding, clothing and providing medicine for so many people meant that getting creative with locations was now a must and Jess knew better than anyone else that sometimes it was possible to find what you needed in the least obvious of places.

A bright and sunny morning saw Jess leading a sweep of a wealthy area which boasted an exclusive club surrounded by lakes to collect anything useful from the huge, lushly decorated houses. Michonne and Rick were chosen to accompany her and before leaving the gate, the small group did a routine check; weapons, ammo, knives, route and rendezvous locations should they get split up. It was all at Jess’s request due to her never going anywhere without a plan and a weapon if she could help it. Daryl was the first to cross her mind when choosing her team, but she’d skipped him on the assumption that he’d be heading out recruiting and she wanted to avoid coming across as if she wanted to live in his pocket at all costs.

Standing at the gate with the map open on the trucks hood, the three participants in the days run pulled on gloves and discussed the roads to be taken. Jess glanced up at the street to her side to find Daryl pushing his bike towards them. He stopped in front of the truck, leaned the bike on it’s kickstand and headed over to the group. Jess lowered her head and tried to make out she was planning alternative routes, should they come across trouble. Her dedication to her task became transparent when she glanced up and caught his eye. She wished she’d taken a couple of acting classes in her lifetime.

_Morning, handsome._

“Come to join the party?” Michonne called out.

“Where you guys headed?” Questioned Daryl with a squint. He brought a hand up to his forehead to shield his eyes from the suns glare.

“Tococoa” Rick chimed in. “Jess’s idea” Daryl wrinkled his forehead and scanned each of the three faces in front of him with a bemused expression

“The rich folks place in the mountains?” He questioned.

“That’s the one” Michonne confirmed “Lively street festivals and charming boutiques. I’m guessing that’s why you know of it.” She grinned sarcastically.

Jess felt a sting of irritation. Rick was right, it had been her choice to check the mountain town of Toccoa with its expansive and high-value houses and exclusive golf club. She figured there could still be supplies there, or people if they looked hard enough. With its fishing lakes and clubhouse, they could well return with a decent haul if they were lucky.

“Cherokee Club.” Jess snipped. “You’ve heard of it?”

“Yeah. I heard of it. Those people there got more damn money than sense” Daryl grumbled.

“You should join us” Michonne suggested as she traced the area on the map “the area looks pretty big; we could use the extra person.”

Before Jess could even think about such an idea, Daryl had agreed and was looking over the map, shoving his way between her and Michonne. She blinked sideways at him over her mask and all at once was aware of the side of his body against hers as he pointed at roads and areas of woodland and discussed them with Michonne. The odor of cigarettes and leather drifted to her nose and his arm brushed hers as it moved. Warm and firm. A rippled terrain. She backed away and Rick followed, making the whole scene look a lot more casual than it was. A stroke of luck.

“Take the bike” Rick called out to Daryl as he climbed into the driver’s seat of the truck “follow us. Michonne’s right, we need the numbers. I mean, if that’s OK with you, Jess? This is your run.”

Jess merely glanced between each of their faces, all waiting expectantly for an answer. She shrugged both shoulders. “Whatever” She sighed.

Jess saw Daryl nod in agreement “Alright. Lead the way” he instructed as he moved from the hood of the truck, Jess thought he’d head straight to his bike and stepped back to allow him to pass while re-strapping her gloves and checking her mask. When he halted inches from her body, she froze.

“Ya gonna wear that thing all day?” He challenged with a flicker of a hand towards her mask.

“Probably.” She replied uneasily

“Why? We all know who you are.” He pointed out.

“You do, but any still living we might find won’t know who I am…and that’s a good thing.” She shot back with a wink.

His dislike of her mask was becoming more and more obvious as time went on but it’s ability to irritate him amused her somewhat. Maybe it was a symbol of her dishonesty towards him. Or, maybe it was simply because he preferred her face to the black plastic and fabric that shielded it. She didn’t dare expect it to be the latter but no one could see inside her mind, where she indulged in the odd daydream where Daryl actually thought her to be attractive. An abrupt huff and a brief shake of his head was his only response before he left her and make tracks to his bike.

* * *

The journey up into the foothills and mountains was a picturesque one and anyone that had missed the end of the world would be forgiven for thinking that nothing had changed. That beyond the canopy of trees was the usual population of animals, campers, fisherman, hunters, hikers and families vacationing. It couldn’t have looked further from a mass grave for the walking dead and Jess found herself having to look away or dangerous nostalgia would have taken precedence. In the passenger seat of the truck, Michonne gave Rick directions and the two of them discussed a plan between them. Jess was guilty of not completely paying attention as Daryl sped up on his bike from behind the truck and drove alongside her window. The bikes engine gave off a rumble loud enough to wake hell, let alone the dead that roamed the landscape but Daryl paid it no mind, if anyone was going to tear around the apocalypse on one of loudest vehicles available, Jess figured that it would be Daryl and a small part of her wished that she could be so adventurous and carefree.

Daryl’s hair flickered in the wind and he took a small glimpse to his side to see Jess push her hood back, drop her mask, tug the tie from her hair and slide open the sunroof. She climbed onto the seat, emerging at the top of the truck, closed her eyes and shook her hair out, letting it billow behind her as the truck moved along, the air gliding through the strands. Slowly, one of her arms rose up, covered with leather bracers and gloves. Then, the other and she casually leaned on the front edge of the sunroof, throwing one boot over the other on the seat below and achieving a comfortable stance.

Daryl switched between watching where he was going and gazing up at the windswept figure that was Jess, cruising along beside him like an apocalyptic goddess risen from the ashes. She caught him watching her and held up a hand, her index finger extended with the others slightly bent, not wanting to seem too excited to be catching his attention. He offered her a short nod before hitting the throttle and veering the bike over to the next lane, gaining distance between them.

* * *

Tucked away in the mountains and removed from the chaos of city life, Cherokee Club was a mountain-lake retreat nestled in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains that offered both a place to lose oneself and find oneself. It was a place to take the family away and to bring them together. With a year-round golf course, pristine lakefront setting, unparalleled amenities, real estate and activities for all, it made for the perfect supply run destination.

Rolling up to the still chained-together gates, Rick killed the engine and opened the drivers side door, using the footstep on the vehicle to hoist himself up so he could see over the roof where Jess was still standing in the sunroof. The gates were peppered with signs. Some neatly painted, some scrawled in harsh red paint, or so Jess preferred to think. The area its self was deathly quiet, no Walkers in sight and that gave Daryl suspicions when he dismounted his bike and crunched over the gravel to Michonne, who was hanging out of the trucks window and taking mental notes of her surroundings.

Jess read the sign at the top of the gate, sloppily written on a piece of white wood in black. Hurried and striking a simmering unease into her gut.

_‘The end is extremely fucking nigh.’_

“Jess?” Rick prompted, reminding her that this was her idea and therefore her decision how they should proceed. But she had already witnessed the natural leader in Rick throwing ideas back and forth with Michonne. Jess wasn’t deaf, nor was she stupid.

“What did you and Michonne come up with?” She asked directly. Her face was blank and unreadable.

Rick swapped an uneasy expression with the samurai wielding woman who by then had mirrored Rick and was stood on the passenger side step with her hands flat on the trucks roof. Since Jess’s return, Rick didn’t quite know how to approach her, finding her to be reasonably friendly one day and dismissive the next. He was never sure which Jess he was going to get and on that particular day, he was apparently getting both.

“Uh…we thought we’d get the truck through the gate. Michonne and I will take the clubhouse, restaurant and any other buildings around them while you and Daryl sweep the houses.”

“Fine by me.” She chirped, much to Rick’s surprise who was sure he would be met with an angry stare and protest. “I’ll get the bolt cutters.”

 _Huh. I’m with Daryl. Thanks, Rick._ She thought. _Don’t seem clingy. Admire from a distance._

After refusing to let Jess do any manual labour and fraying her temper slightly with his chivalry, Daryl accompanied Jess on the long and arduous task of sweeping the masses of enormous and luxurious houses in the compound. Conversation was kept to the task in hand and Jess managed to keep a lid on her emotions. That was, until he caught her stood in the middle of a teenage girl’s bedroom, sniffling while holding a Star Wars T-shirt in the air. She started to stuff it into her bag and stopped when she noticed Daryl in the doorway, leaning on the doorframe and with a small smile which held such affection that she could have fainted there and then. Keeping eye contact with him as he reached an arm up to clutch his crossbow strap to his shoulder, she gradually pulled the shirt back out of her bag and dropped it on the bed.

“Take it.” He told her.

“What, that? I uh, I don’t need it.” She quickly dismissed.

The lie almost stung her tongue. She did need it. It wasn’t just any Star Wars T-shirt. It boasted an image of a tiny, young Princess Leia, with her small arms around the waist of Darth Vader, who towered above her and rested a hand on her shoulder. The exact same image that she had presented to her father on a card for the last Father’s Day she could remember.

Somehow, Daryl could sense her need to take the shirt and she could only guess that it was displayed in her eyes like a neon sign.

“Take it.” He repeated.

“It won’t fit anyway.” She argued. Having put her mask back on when she entered the Clubs grounds, Daryl was only able to see her eyes and while he stood there in the dim, dusty room of a house that was worth more money than he would have ever made in his lifetime, he wanted to tell her that he just wanted her to stop hiding who she was.

“Take the mask off.” He rasped.

“Why?” She questioned.

“Please”

She slowly slid the plastic and fabric down past her chin and peered back at him as he stepped into the room and picked up the shirt from the bed. He took the bag from her hand, stuffed the shirt inside and handed it back. She sighed and briefly closed her eyes. When she opened them, she could only study the carpet beneath her feet while she took the bag from his grasp.

“It’s stupid” she whispered, sensing him move closer to her.

“Bet it ain’t” he uttered in response. “Tell me”

“Last Father’s Day… I made my dad a card with the same picture on it.” She explained. “Saw that shirt and it brought it all back.”

To her surprise, he lifted a hand and placed it on her forearm, giving it a slight squeeze. She couldn’t help but look down at the alien feeling of his hand on her skin and then up at his face, which in such a situation appeared softer and more handsome than she could have imagined.

“See? Aint nothin’ stupid ‘bout that.” He assured her before stepping away and leaving the room.

* * *

After pulling herself together and packing a third bag full of supplies to take back to Alexandria, Jess realized she’d not seen Daryl in a while. She began to search the many rooms of the third house they’d hit, eventually finding him sat on the balcony of the master bedroom, smoking a cigarette. The rounded, decked platform reminded her of a beach house with its white fencing on a back drop of matching white panels and window shutters. The view was quite something, the motionless lake reached as far as the eye could see on either side and on the opposite bank was a once expertly kept and impressive golf course.

She slid the glass door open and stepped outside, not bothering to pull up her mask. He looked up at her and removed his boots from the cushioned, wooden chair he’d been using as a footstool and shoved it noisily across the decking with his boot towards her. She hesitated for a moment, unsure of exactly why she’d opted to join him when she didn’t really have much to say. But being beside him for a few, taskless minutes was enough to provide a little relief from the gnawing urge to stare at him all the live long day. She sank down into the seat and admired the view.

The water was so still it resembled a sheet of glass, perfectly polished and untouched. If it wasn’t for the smears of blood on the front lawn, the dismembered arm on the kitchen counter and the walker trapped in the sunroom, it would have been an idyllic paradise. But such was life now and Jess had learned from her time alone that she should just make the best of things.

“How did you hear about this place?” She probed, managing to find a topic of conversation.

Daryl flicked the end of his smoke over the balcony and cleared his throat, shooting her a quick glance and shifting in his seat. He thudded both boots up on the table in front of him, reclining in his seat.

_Someone’s getting comfortable._

“Broke in with Merle once. ‘Fore everything went bad.” He said.

Jess’s eyes widened, she was under no illusions that Daryl was no angel before the turn, but she didn’t expect to be graced with such a telling statement.

“No way!” She gasped “Really?”

“Yeah.” He huffed before falling silent.

She raised an eyebrow at him, craning her neck to encourage him to look at her. When he did, it occurred to him that she was waiting for more information. Usually, it was unheard of for Daryl to disclose such an anecdote to anyone, but this wasn’t just anyone, it was Jess.

“See that boat, right there? With the ‘49’ on the side?” He questioned as he nudged his head up towards the lake. Jess scanned the water and spotted the boat in question. A white, wooden boat with its oars slotted nearly into brackets along the inside walls. “Mmhmm” she hummed.

“All this, it’s private property. So, we waited til dark, scaled the wall. Stole that boat n went fishin’.”

Jess began to giggle and moved her chair closer to his. She also lifted her legs and rested her feet on the table, nudging his aside slightly with the toe of her boot.

“In the dark?” She chuckled.

“Yep. Merle said he could catch anythin’ come rain or shine, day or night. Really, he just wanted to get lit. So, he’s drinkin’ n’ fishin’. Time goes on. He gets pretty drunk n’ he falls in the damn lake. I mean real loud like _KAPOOWSH_.”

Jess’s face lit up at Daryl’s animated body language and the enthusiasm with which he conveyed the sound of the splash in the lake, his hands and fingers mimicking the shape of the water. She had never seen him so comfortable and relaxed. It was the first time he’d regaled her with a story from his past and she hoped it would be the first of many.

“So, I jump in and I’m like…” he grabbed her wrist and lifted her arm over his head, allowing it to drape across his broad shoulders and she struggled to contain her excitement at the contact and opportunity to lay a hand on his strong frame. “… like this, right? I’m swimmin’….” He continued as he rotated his arm in a swimming motion while Jess grinned from ear to ear “…N’ I save his life. We get to shore n’ y’know what that asshole says to me?”

“What?” She beamed, feeling a pang of disappointment when the physical contact was lost.

“He says ‘Yo, Dummy! Go back n’ get the fuckin’ beer!’”

Jess let herself laugh, holding nothing back. Her tuneful giggle echoed in Daryl’s head as her bright smile and genuine amusement at his cautionary tale stunned him into a near silence.

“That sounds like Merle” she giggled as she playfully nibbled on the edge of her fingernail.

“Yeah.” He agreed. His eyes swept over the view before them. The peaceful lake with its decaying boats, the swaying of the uncut grass and eventually the lingering of a group of walkers heading in their direction. “Heads up” Daryl grunted; his voice laced with irritation at the moment being interrupted. He picked up his crossbow and shot to his feet.

Jess also got up, equipped her bow and took aim, counting the numbers in her head and noticing the attire of the rotting dead wandering in their direction. Still a considerable distance away, neither of them were panicking just yet.

“Those are some filthy rich Walkers” she commented. “That guy on the far left, that ugly as hell jacket…” She squinted “…Yep, pretty sure that’s gonna be worth more than my old car.”

“Half ‘em. You take the four on the right, I’ll get the four on the left.” He suggested.

“You challenging me?” She prodded. He caught her wink at him and felt his cheeks simmer with warmth under the surface while he quickly turned his attention back to the Walkers below. It was a small motion but one from a pretty girl that for some reason that escaped him, brought out a shy side of him that he so loathed.

“More of a plan than a competition.” He mumbled.

“Chickenshit” She declared. Deliberately goading him into playing her game.

He didn’t know if Jess was competitive before he met her, but he had already seen for himself that she enjoyed the odd test of wills. She grinned at him and for a split second all that went through his mind was one, single thought.

_She’s so damn cute._

“Get used to bein’ a loser” He shrugged as he took aim with his crossbow.

* * *

Bottles, plastic boxes and pills gave off a chorus of noises as they were tossed into the back of the truck by Daryl and Jess, adding to their carefully gathered mass of precious supplies. Jess was adamant that she’d won the Walker shooting competition but Daryl told her otherwise, expressing that she’d cheated by diverting his attention. Quite what she’d done remained to be seen due to his reluctance to admit exactly what it was that had caused him to miss his last shot. Daryl knew well enough what it was but wasn’t about to convey that he’d fallen into a temporary trance when he saw the look of pure joy on her face as she dropped each Walker and gave a running commentary as if the whole thing were some televised Walker shooting championships. The sight filled him with a feeling he’d not felt in a long time. Initially, he thought it to be contentment at having her back with him, but the more she laughed and cheered, the more her eyes glinted and her body adjusted to each shot, the more he wanted to vocalize the one simple thought he’d had before.

_You’re so damn cute._

It had lost him the game. He was ready to accept as much but allowing Jess the glory was not in his plans.

* * *

Upon meeting Rick and Michonne and after spending hours clearing the dead from doorways and flooring the still mobile roamers, their departure saw the entire club’s property rendered almost completely safe. That was, until the time when another group came along and claimed it. Jess pondered for a fleeting moment that it may have made a better homestead than the fairground, but it was too far from Alexandria and as a result, too far from Daryl.

The trucks doors slammed and Daryl swung a leg over his bike, taking a final look around at the deserted yet still quite impressive Cherokee Club and tugging on a pair of black, leather gloves.

“It’s nice here, huh?” Jess mentioned as she went to grab the handle of the door to the backseat.

“If ya like too much space and overpriced shit” He mused.

“Wow. OK. Mr. Happy.” She giggled “Buck up, buttercup.”

He flicked a hand at her, a signal that he was literally brushing her mocking comments away. Jess let her hand drop from the handle and she stepped closer to him, his eyes moving up to meet hers and lingering there, questioning her motive.

“Could I…” She started before pausing and screwing her face up “…never mind.”

“Naw, what?” He pressed, curiosity about what she could possibly want to ask pushing him to seek an answer.

“Could I ride back with you? On your bike.” She asked sheepishly.

Daryl checked on Michonne and Rick who by now were both waiting with the truck’s engine running. Michonne was glowering at them in the reflection of the side mirror. Jess was stalling and holding everyone up but Daryl couldn’t have cared less.

_Is she serious?!_

Having a passenger wasn’t a common occurrence for Daryl unless it was his brother, needing to be ferried around after too many drugs or booze or both. Carol had hitched a couple rides with him in the past and the experience of having to be extra careful due to having another person’s life in his hands was one he’d rather do without. But as soon as the question had left Jess’s lips, Daryl was certain that there was no way he was about to decline. A motorcycle enthusiast from a young age, biking had become a part of his life and the fabric of his being and after Jess had gifted him a custom made, unique and powerful set of wheels and also given him the chance to make a difference while using it, he felt he owed it to her to say yes.

“Yeah. Sure.” He replied, trying not to sound too shocked at the sense of adventure she’d developed in her time away from him. “Hop on. Ya ever been on a motorcycle before?”

Jess approached the bike and climbed onto the pillion seat, shuffling about and getting comfortable.

“Does a racing game in an arcade count?” She giggled.

“Nah” He smirked.

“Then no. Never.”

Daryl nudged his head up to Michonne who got the signal immediately and told Rick to head out of the compound. The two of them knowing that Jess and Daryl would be more than fine on their own.

“Alright, lean when I lean and keep facin’ forwards. No waving ya hands in the air like some drunk college bitch. Hold on tight.” He ordered.

She hovered her hands over his leather vest, on either side of his body and bit her lip. Nerves rose to the surface and it occurred to her that she hadn’t thought this through. Being in such close proximity to him for an hour’s drive was quite the feat. That was on top of having never ridden a motorcycle before and having no clue what to expect. But she was determined. If he could raise hell with a motorcycle on the roads of a corpse infested Georgia, then so could she.

“To your waist?” It was a stupid question; she knew it as soon as she’d said it and wished she could just retract her words and erase them from his memory.

“Nah, to my thumbs.” He commented sarcastically while peering over his shoulder at her. She detected a small’ smug smile and felt her face burn red. She dipped her head, hoping that he couldn’t see the embarrassment parading across her features. Little did she know, he could see it. Plain as day and it wasn’t something he could ignore. “S’a’matter? Ya shy or somethin’?” He remarked.

The inferno under Jess’s skin continued to rage and she very nearly hopped off the bike and started charging down the road upon the declaration that she’d changed her mind and would walk back alone. Instead, she grit her teeth, forced her coyness away and gripped the sides of his clothing.

“I’m not shy” she mumbled next to his angel-winged back. “I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.”

In her arms, she felt a judder and realized he was laughing at her comment.

“Right. Um, thanks for that.” He smirked.

“Start the damn bike, Daryl.” She sighed, much to his delight. If there was one thing he found completely endearing about her, it was her need to cover up her awkwardness with banter and humor.

She lifted her feet as the bike moved and clung to his leather vest like her life depended on it. He merely smiled to himself as he steered them out of the area and onto the road, sensing her relax around him once they were on a straighter route. Eventually, she let go of his vest and chanced shifting closer to him and holding his waist. He focused on the road, trying not to tense up at her touch. Daryl hadn’t had anyone that close to him for a long time and it was now an unfamiliar feeling to him, but not an unpleasant one.

* * *

It took a long time to unload the results of the run and people buzzed around the truck, craning their necks to catch a glimpse of anything they might want to request at the pantry. The garage that acted as storage space for furniture, clothing, bed linens and towels was rapidly stocked to a decent level and two bags of designer clothing were tossed inside as if they were nothing, which in reality, they now were. Jess worked with Daryl and Michonne to empty the truck while Rick checked in with Deanna, providing her with the usual requested breakdown of the trip. She liked to be in the loop, making no secret of the fact that if she were to leave Alexandria and go on a run herself, she would be more of a hindrance than a help. Regardless of her lack of prowess and survival skills outside the walls, inside, she was a logical and fair leader that liked to be provided with all the information at hand.

Jess joked and chatted with Michonne as they handed boxes and bags to one another while Daryl moved his motorcycle back to the house and watched them from the roadside. He lit a smoke and lowered himself down onto the edge of the sidewalk, wondering once again how Jess managed to appear so relaxed and carefree when talking to anyone else but him. He tapped ash from his smoke and brought it back to his lips, inhaling deeply and observing Jess giggle and high-five Michonne, who then left her and headed in his direction.

“Quite the result” She commented as she approached “Good job.”

“You too.” He replied, motioning to her with his cigarette. She tucked her sword strap over her shoulder and paused in front of him.

“We even picked up some insulin. Wouldn’t have done that if Jess hadn’t suggested this run.” She admitted.

“Yeah. She’s a smartass.” He mumbled as he pinched below the burning bud of his smoke, extinguishing it and brushing the orange end against the sidewalk.

“A smartass that you seem to get along well with. I thought she was coming back in the truck with us.” She remarked.

Daryl turned his head to the side and up at Michonne, who was silhouetted by the sun. So much so, that he was unable to read her expression amongst the glare.

“Yeah. We’re friends” He told her. “She was there at the start. When I met Rick n’ Carol at the Quarry. She aint never been on a bike before, asked to ride back with me.”

Michonne moved away from the spears of light from the sun and nodded.

“One to tick off the bucket list.” She smiled.

Daryl’s eyes dragged down her blood-soaked clothing. Rick mention they’d ran into some trouble while raiding the clubs bar area, which upon first inspection held dozens of dead bodies that littered the floor. It wasn’t until those bodies began to get up that they realized they were trapped. Now, both Michonne and Rick’s clothes were coated in dried blood. She stepped back, ripping off her fingerless gloves and offered Daryl a bright smile as she went to walk away.

“Hey, Michonne?” He asked, flicking a hand in the direction of her now dark red jeans “You alright? S’a lotta blood.”

She briefly glanced down at herself, twisting one leg and spotting a patch of untouched, grey denim on the back of her leg.

“Yeah.” She sighed, looking back up and shrugging “I’m good. Could use some new pants though.” He saw her vision move back to Jess, who was sitting on the sidewalk outside the storage garage, rummaging through a bag of clothes and throwing items off to the side, one after the other. Seemingly not interested in any of them. Changing her course and deciding instead to indulge in the Alexandria version of shopping, Michonne stepped off the side walk, away from Daryl and into the road.

“Rick came off worse” She called back “he had an ear stuck to his arm at one point”

Daryl snorted with laughter and stood up, retreating to the front porch of the house as evening began to close in.

* * *

For the next hour, Jess took the time to change up some of her wardrobe. As the apocalypse dictated that survivors opt for comfort over style, she was more than happy to oblige, thanking her lucky stars that even before the turn, she preferred sneakers and boots to heels and platforms, pants and shorts to skirts and ballgowns and cared very little about following the latest trends and having the newest release from an overpriced brand that used sweatshops to manufacture their goods. Jeans were now an issue considering her substantial weight loss. It meant that she wasn’t even sure what size she was anymore and most of her clothing was chosen through trial and error. Having picked out two black pairs and throwing them into a cardboard box that sat next to her on the sidewalk, she started sifting through socks, looking for the thickest pairs and totally ignoring anything brightly colored that a deer could spot at five hundred feet away. Night was falling and with her mask risen over her face, she made a mental note to go straight to Aaron and Eric’s house and use their spare room, where she had the use of a full-length mirror in which to try on her newest clothing selections.

Outside their house, Rick and Daryl took it in turns to aid Judith with a chunky, bright jigsaw puzzle that depicted a family going on a bear hunt. Daryl thought it to be quite apt considering his daily routine usually always started out with hunting for what had now become his adoptive family. Pieces were lifted into the air with tiny hand and chatter ensued over where the piece in question was to be placed. Rick volunteered the answer every time while Daryl held back, telling him he was too soft and that he should let the kid figure it out for herself. When the puzzle was completed, Daryl demanded the smallest of high-fives from Judith while Rick looked at him knowingly.

“What?” Daryl asked, uncomfortable with his friends’ smirk.

“Calling me soft.” He mentioned “Come a long way from who you were at the quarry”

Dressed in a crisp, white T-shirt that was the equivalent to the holy grail when they were outside of the walls, Rick leaned comfortably back in his seat and sipped a beer from a glass bottle. His brown, curly hair was still wet from the long shower that was much needed after being saturated with clotted blood earlier on in the day. Daryl’s beer remained on the tabletop, his attention having been too focused on Judith and her problem solving for him to have consumed more than a couple of mouthfuls. He dipped his head, Rick’s words playing on his mind.

“What’s what sposed to mean?” He questioned.

“It’s a good thing.” Rick started before sipping his beer again and gently stroking the soft, blond curls of Judith’s head as she chatted quietly to herself between them. “You were going to end up like your brother.”

“What, dead?” Daryl snapped, furrowing his brow

“No.” Rick shot back sternly. “Choosing the wrong path. You were smarter than that.”

Daryl finally picked up his beer and took a large gulp, the cold liquid providing a refreshing relief from the heat of the day’s activities. He didn’t see himself as some kind of success story, he was just a kid from the wrong side of the tracks that never amounted to anything. The fact that he hadn’t made the same choices as Merle in the end proved nothing. He’d missed out on a role model that wasn’t someone consumed by drugs, alcohol and hairbrained schemes to make money.

“Had the right folks ‘round me.” He mumbled.

Maybe he was right. But Rick thought he was selling himself short, as he always did by default. Tuneful humming from across the street caused him to look up to where Jess was ambling along the sidewalk carrying a box of clothes. Her mask and hood up. She turned her head in time to see Daryl notice her too and awkwardly shifted the box to one side, holding it with one arm while she raised the other to offer a wave at the two men and the tiny child on the porch. Daryl and Rick both mirrored her gesture, earning them a grin that neither of them could see under her mask. When the box under her arm began to fall, she quickly slapped her other hand under it and waddled to the end of the street, taking the corner and vanishing from sight.

“You know, for a long time we were just running from one place to the next, one fight after another. We never really had the time to stop and take stock of what we have. Of who we have. Now, we can and we should. We can all come back from it. We’re not too far gone.” He expressed.

Daryl met his eye and understood perfectly what he was saying. From all the death and destruction, he may have lost his brother and he would never forget him, but he’d gained an entire family. He was now ‘Uncle Daryl’ and had a friend in Rick who also saw him as a brother.

“I know.” He agreed with ease, placing the beer bottle on the table and turning it between his fingers.

“How’s things with you and Jess?” Rick asked.

Daryls back prickled at the question. He hadn’t expected to be asked such a thing and wasn’t sure how to respond. He sighed loudly and nibbled his lower lip while the thought. How were things, really? It was a good question.

“OK, I guess.” He offered “She talks to me more. Said she wants to be friends like before”

Rick shot a look at the corner of the street where Jess had disappeared from view not minutes before when he noticed Judith yawning loudly. Daryl ruffled her hair and lifted his arm, allowing the child to settle against his side and curl her legs under herself.

“That’s good. I’m glad she found us again. I remember how angry you were at the quarry, when she left.” Rick reminded him.

“Cared ‘bout her.” Daryl confessed, much to Rick’s surprise. His reaction to Jess’s departure spoke volumes at the time and Rick was certain that everyone and his dog knew that Daryl cared for Jess. What he’d never done was actually said it.

“And now?” Rick pressed.

Daryl huffed and glared at him, a thin smile on his lips. He was digging, Daryl knew that much. It was something that had crossed his mind more than once and oftentimes he found himself pondering over who thought that the friendship he shared with Jess could possibly blossom into something more. Now, he had his answer, Rick was one of those people.

“I know what you’re doin, man.” He confirmed

Rick set his bottle down as he chuckled quietly to himself. He held his hands up in surrender.

“Hey, I’m just reminding you that we’ve all been through enough. I get to be more of a father to Carl and this little one” He paused to gently run the back of his finger down the soft skin on Judith’s arm. “Can focus on what makes me happy a little more than I could before. I thought maybe you should do the same. Jess, she’d be good for you.”

Daryl shifted, his hand moving to his face and rubbing at the greying bristles of his chin. His vision wasn’t fixed on anything in particular, rather darting from one area to the next in an attempt to find something to comment on that would enable him to change the subject.

“It aint like that.” He uttered. It sounded as if he’d voiced the words to himself instead of Rick.

“Maybe not.” Came the reply from across the table. Daryl reluctantly looked over at his friend. “But it could be.”

Daryl raised an eyebrow in disbelief. It was the first time Rick had ever raised such a touchy subject. Carol tried and wasn’t granted a straight answer. Why was everyone so hellbent on seeing him become romantically involved with Jess?

“Aint gonna happen” He stated “She don’t want that from me. Can do better anyways.”

“That’s not what she wrote in that journal back at the quarry.” Rick mentioned “But OK. Whatever you say.” His face was displaying another smirk that told Daryl he could protest all he wanted, but it was all just denial.

Daryl thought back to a previous conversation with Jess and one particular comment stood out to him.

_“I had a crush on you. I lied and said it was all crap because I was embarrassed.”_

Maybe Rick was right, maybe there was a chance for something to happen between them, but for Daryl, the risk was too great. A friendship so unique and so unheard of for him was too precious to ruin and he knew he couldn’t face losing her again. She may have had a crush on him before, but times had changed and so had she, now he was nowhere near sure that she would ever think of him in that way again.

He picked up his beer, downed the liquid inside and suppressed a burp, holding a fist to his lips for fear of waking a now sleeping Judith. As he slowly inched away from her on the double seater, he lifted her from the cushioning and positioned her at his chest, where her arms clung to his neck and her face nuzzled into his shoulder. Rick offered a small nod of gratitude at Daryl’s decision to take Judith inside and put her to bed.

“Thanks, Man. I’ll be in a minute” he told him.

“I’ll get her to bed, then I’m gonna head across the street. Go see Jess.” Daryl rasped as he side stepped out from behind the table.

“Really? Changed your mind?” Rick asked with a grin.

“Quit it. ‘fore I start askin’ shit ‘bout you n’ Michonne.” Daryl threatened, his tone challenging but laced with a humorous intent that Rick could sense straight away. He merely laughed and offered no explanation or comment on his relationship with Michonne, he didn’t need to, Daryl was observant, he knew everything anyway.

* * *

Daryl was sure Judith would continue to give everyone around her the run around even as she got older. An hour later and he had answered a million questions, fetched her a drink, checked under the bed for monsters, put her back in bed after she bolted for the door, fetched her a different drink and successfully managed to avoid having to sing her a lullaby. As he watched her sleeping soundly from the door, he figured that if he had children or not wouldn’t matter anyway, he had all he needed in his duties as an uncle.

When he appeared at Aaron and Eric’s he was informed by Eric that Jess had just left for the fairground after declining and offer to stay the night. He’d missed her by maybe five minutes and if he hurried, he would catch her up. He hoisted the black bag he carried back onto his shoulder, thanked Eric and set off for the gate.

* * *

Inside her fairground home, Jess lay on her front on the wooden framed bed, flicking through the pages of an old journal, the same one that documented her transition from survivor on the run to quarry camp occupant. It told of her misplacement, her time as an outsider, unable to settle or find her place in the group. It reminded her of the humiliation she suffered and eventually, the lightbulb moment which resulted in her leaving the camp and making her way on her own.

It was strange to her, to read back over the words that she’d written herself. She wasn’t sure who that girl was anymore. Her awkward nature and tendency to overthink things was most definitely still present. But her fear and self-doubt had now waned and made way for courage and independence in most areas. Just not all of them. She knew her defense mechanism meant she was colder on the surface, stoic to those that didn’t know her well and intimidating to those that wanted to.

Candles illuminated the room along with two oil lanterns that she’d brought from the boat when she’d uprooted once more, in search of a new home. Her king-size bed, brought in by a truck borrowed from Alexandria, was layered with various, multicolored blankets and the floor boasted a large, black rug that she’d enlisted Aaron’s help with when she spotted it in the living room of a house nearby. Deanna provided her with a black bookshelf to match as an unsuccessful bribe to move to the safe zone for good and the walls were adorned with maps and drawings of the local area’s fauna. A workstation on the counter of what once was a diner was used to craft arrows and stakes that were lined along the fences, ready to impale any Walkers that happened to stray from the woods and into the minefield around her home.

On the front gate of her property hung a bell. Visitors were rare and were only ever in the form of Aaron, being the only one that knew the exact location of the fairground and the only one permitted to visit. From the one, uncovered window of the diner, she could gain a clear view of anyone hovering around the gate or fences.

Taking one last bite of the apple she’d been eating, she threw the core into the trash and rolled onto her back, staring up at the cracked and peeling paintwork on the ceiling. The sound of the bell from outside caused her to freeze for a few seconds as her mind struggled to think of who could possibly be outside at this hour. She’d seen Aaron already that night and so was almost positive it wasn’t him. She swung her legs from the bed and slowly raised her body to peer over the window ledge.

In the darkness, she could make out the shape of a crossbow. She sprang up, dragged her fingers through her tousled hair, checked her reflection in the broken mirror by her bedside and groaned to herself at the sheer inconvenience of it all. One blessing of wearing a mask all the time was never having to be too concerned with her appearance. It was the end of the world and such things shouldn’t be at the forefront of anyone’s mind, but Jess often told herself that if she asked around the women of Alexandria and had them all answer honestly, very few would say they got out of bed in the morning without so much as a peep in the mirror.

She brushed her eyebrows into shape with her index fingers, rubbed at the bags under her eyes and blew a tuft of hair out of her vision before grabbing a hooded jacket and heading to the door. Before opening it, she lifted her hood up and cleared her throat, readying herself. For what, she had no idea.

Daryl was leaning on the fence as she neared him, a black backpack hanging from his hand which was positioned above him, showing off the defined shape of his upper arm. She ignored it as best she could, instead trying to figure out what would bring him there at night and so out of the blue.

“Evening, Stinky.” She shot at him with a hand placed on her hip.

“Hey.” Was all he rasped back at her.

“Spend all day with me and then you turn up at my gate at this late hour. People will talk.” She jested bravely, all the while cursing herself inside for making would could be seen as a flirtatious comment.

“Let ‘em talk.” He shrugged “Can I come in?”

She moved closer to the gate, peering at him through the gaps in the chain link. He was pushing her rules, rules that she’d set in stone for a reason to protect herself both physically and emotionally. She had to stand firm and maintain her promise to herself.

“I don’t let anyone in, Daryl. You know that.” She told him. “I’m sorry.”

He stepped back, removing his hand and the bag from the fence. The metal shook in its frame and Jess closed her eyes briefly and sighed.

“I don’t let nobody on that bike.” He commented, telling her in no uncertain terms that he’d made an exception for her and he expected the same in return. She slowly looked him up and down, pursing her lips as she considered her options.

“Ya still don’t trust me” He added

“It’s not…” she paused and noticed his expression. Sad and defeated. “… OK, fine. But just in the grounds.”

She unlocked the gate and stepped aside, seeing Daryl slowly step inside and scan the fairground. After locking it behind him, she motioned with her hand towards the disused Ferris wheel, to which he followed her, sitting beside her in one of the cars which rocked back and forth with a soft rhythm as they dwelled in a temporary silence.

Handing her the backpack, his eyes darted down to it, signaling that she should open it. She dragged the zipper around and separated the two halves of the bag to find five, neatly folded t-shirts. Her fingers drifted over the symbol on the top of the pile. Avengers.

_This is…mine. All of these are mine. What the hell?_

Her mind began to race and her jaw dropped open. Daryl was in possession of five of her T-shirts that she’d worn at the Quarry. Utterly speechless, she lifted them out of the bag and onto her lap.

“Took ‘em from ya apartment in the city.” He croaked quietly “Knew the place was yours when I saw ‘em all folded on the countertop”

“You… you kept them.” She stated.

“Yeah”

“Why?”

“Kept this too” he said, ignoring her question and tugging the note she’d left him from his jeans pocket. It was folded up into a tiny, neat square. “But ya already know that”

She did know he’d kept the note but was seeing it for the first time properly since she wrote it. They both scanned the words on the page and Jess thought it was almost like looking at someone else’s writing. Like she never wrote it herself. Like it was from a different time, in someone else’s past. Shame and regret surged through her after she read the first sentence on the page and she quickly looked away.

“I don’t understand” she admitted

“Just figured you’d want ‘em back.” He expressed.

“No. I mean I don’t understand why you’d keep them. If you thought I was dead.” She corrected.

“Reminded me of you.” Was all he said. A short answer that meant so much. It was his way of telling her that he wanted to keep a part of her with him. She smoothed her hand over the T-shirts while he folded the note and put it back in his pocket.

“You should throw that away” she suggested, hoping that she would never have to see it again.

“No.” He refused bluntly.

“Daryl, that note is only a reminder of a time we’d both rather forget.” She pleaded.

“Nah. I’m good.” His declining to be rid of the note was hard to express to her in words. He wanted to keep it because it reminded him of how distraught he was at the realization that she didn’t want to see him again. It took finding the note to make him admit that he cared deeply about her and he never wanted to forget that. Telling her was near enough impossible and so, he kept quiet, hoping that he hadn’t come across as anything more than a close friend that had missed her. Jess could tell he was going to be adamant about keeping it and decided to avoid a confrontation.

“This was one of my favorites” she mused. Looking down at the Avengers T-shirt on the top of the pile. “I guess I could make some pretty cool tents out of these now”

“Stop it.” He snapped.

Jess could feel the irate nature of his comment and concluded that in making fun of herself, she was only making him angry.

“I’m allowed to laugh at myself y’know. Lighten up.” She smiled.

“Whatever” he mumbled.

Needing to dispel his anger and change the subject at the same time, she took the impulsive and bold decision to place her hand over his forearm. He immediately looked down at it but made no attempt to move. To Jess, it was like she was looking down on herself from some astral plane, watching the woman that looked like her and sounded like her and had a soul that was just the same, yet she was acting in a way that Jess never would. But he’d been the first to make this move, back at the expensive house in which she’d shared her reason for wanting to take the Star Wars shirt. He’d touched her first and she took that as a sign that maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t hate her imitating his gesture. Braving a physical touch, platonic or otherwise was so far removed from her regular behavior that she was sure she caught Daryl startle a little.

“Thank you.” She whispered. “It means a lot to me that you kept these”

He nodded once and cleared his throat. All too aware that his attempt to speak may well emerge as a gruff croak instead of actual words. “S’nothin’.” He grumbled “Just don’t want ya to forget who ya are.” For a fleeting second Jess thought that he may well have heard what was going through her mind as she poured over the pages of her old journal and tried to find some trace of her old self within her. Then, it dawned on her that it was impossible that he’d heard a thing. He wasn’t even there. What was possible, was that they were both on the same page, at the same time, thinking over the same thing. “I never did” he added.

Jess removed her hand, albeit not through choice. She would have left it there all night given the chance. But the longer she held onto his arm, the more uncomfortable it would get. The car gently rocked back and forth, lulling them both into a wordless trance for a few moments where they simply enjoyed one another’s company and listened to the wind blow through the trees.

“You really are sentimental these days” she grinned, snapping him out of his daydream.

He huffed and took the empty bag from her grasp. He busied himself by fastening the zipper and sliding it over his arms until it was comfortably positioned at his back.

“I really do like sentimental Daryl.” Jess added while looking down at the pile of shirts in her lap and tracing a finger over the ‘A’ emblazoned on the top.

“Dunno what ya talkin’ ‘bout” he mumbled.

She climbed out of the car and hugged the shirts to her chest. Daryl took it as his cue to leave, counting being let inside as a small triumph alone and not wanting to push his luck.

“Thanks for the ride today too.” She threw in as an attempt to steer the subject away from his sentimentality and not wanting to linger too long on anything that could encourage her to get carried away. “Terrifying but exhilarating all at the same time” she remembered.

“Anytime.” He told her with a small nod “only you though"


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos and subscriptions! So happy people still love this!  
> Bit of action here. Lots of this story still to come ;)  
> Apologies for typos, I'll change them eventually. It's just very late here!

The next morning saw Jess making her way to Deanna’s place via the pond. Bypassing hunting for one day meant she could take the time to wander casually around the town before many of its residents had risen and therefore, she could enjoy the peace and quiet. The Pond was usually occupied by those who needed to take some time out and just…be. It was the quietest part of town and was frequently host to smooching teenagers and individuals needing to mourn a loss which unfortunately, had become the norm in the apocalypse.

On that particular morning, Jess happened upon the lonely figure of Carl. His checkered shirt and sheriffs’ hat being the main giveaway. His hunched over stance lured her over to him, something wasn’t quite right. Whistling a subtle tune from behind him alerted him to her presence and he smiled broadly when he twisted his body on the bench and set eyes on her. His youthful, innocent face could have fooled anyone into thinking he’d not been exposed to the horrors that lurked beyond the walls. But Jess knew better than that. Carl was a smart kid, brave too. A little too brave, his father might say.

“Hey Carl” She chirped as she plonked down next to him.

“Jess, hi.” He grinned as he studied the attire she dressed in that seemed to intrigue him so much. He was sure he’d played computer games that mimicked her apocalyptic style and as much as he knew she only wore it for practical and defensive reasons, he thought she looked pretty cool.

“How’s it going?” She asked with a light pat on his knee.

“Good” He replied with a lingering look. Jess wasn’t buying it. The fact that he was occupying the most somber spot in the town all alone proved he was lying. Having been the one to encourage her to reveal her identity to everyone, to Daryl, meant that she felt she owed him one. The world hadn’t imploded and she still had her home and her life. She just got to look at Daryl a whole not more than before. Deciding she wasn’t giving up on the conversation any time soon, she threw one leg over the other and settled down beside him.

“Right. Of course. Because when I’m doing good, I like to come and sit out here all alone at the ass crack of dawn.” She challenged with a sympathetic expression as she looked down at him beside her. “C’mon, kid. What’s up?”

His eyes moved round to cast over the pond. Dragonflies and bees flitted in the air, going about their daily business and creating a hive of life over the body of water. Yellow and white flowers decorated the edges amongst the bright green hues of the foliage. A small piece of paradise in a rotten world.

“I talked to Enid.” Carl whispered. His hands fumbled in his lap, his fingers not quite sure of what they were supposed to be doing. Jess thought it might be a physical representation of what was going on in his head. She could relate. It was how she felt whenever she was near Daryl, but she wasn’t about to admit that to anyone.

“Oh, you did, huh? How’d that go?” She pressed.

“Alright, I guess. We payed some video games. I think we’re friends” He explained.

Jess was confused. To her, there was nothing bad about what he’d told her.

“That’s a good start.” She commented.

Carl side glanced at her, unimpressed but curious to hear her reasoning.

“It is?”

“Sure. They say that friends make the best lovers” she winked. Worried she was treading on dangerous territory with such a topic and having used the word ‘lovers’ she considered that she should just cut the conversation short there and then. But he looked too distracted and conflicted for her to just walk away and leave him with his thoughts without an attempt to help. The damage was done, so she opted to just roll with it.

“Who’s they?” He wanted to know, the corner of his mouth quirking up into a smile.

“I don’t know… people that were once friends and are now lovers?” She reasoned without a clue as to what the correct answer might be.

“Yeah. Right. I don’t have a chance anyway.” He dismissed as he adjusted his hat. It still seemed too big for him, even after he’d grown considerably. It was a reminder of his innocence and vulnerability.

“Sure, you do.” She encouraged.

Then, he turned his body to her and she prepared for the punchline.

“No, you don’t get it. She has a boyfriend.” He told her.

Her heart dropped.

_Shit, kid. I bet he’s a douchebag too._

“Oh, dang.” She said, her words a little more PG than what was running through her head.

“Yeah. It sucks.” he complained

“Well, maybe she’ll get to know you a little better and she’ll realize you’re way cooler than the stupid boy she’s with and you’d make a better boyfriend” She offered with a genuine sincerity. All too often, the nice guy finished last and she wanted to urge Carl to be the exception to the rule.

“I don’t know about that. But Thanks, Jess.” He sighed.

“No problem. I gotta go. Keep me posted, OK?” She requested, getting to her feet and straightening her clothing.

“Jess?” He croaked. She halted, looking down at him still sitting on the bench. “Has it ever happened to you?”

“I’m sorry?” She asked.

“Have you ever had a friendship that turned into something more?”

What followed was a long and uncomfortable silence while Jess weighed up her two options; lie and give him hope or tell the cold, hard truth about her lack of dating experience. Lying wasn’t one of the skills she possessed, that much had been proven when she eventually caved in and admitted who she was to the group. After witnessing Daryl’s rage at her mistruth, she promised herself she wouldn’t lie again. Not to him and not to anyone else if she could help it.

“No.” She confessed. “But, I’m just not the kind of girl that guys want to date.”

His features fell into a truly baffled expression and he smarted at the statement.

“What? Why?”

Truthfully, aside from the fact that bigger girls were always overlooked in the dating pool and she thought herself to be nerdy, awkward, clumsy and clueless about relationships, she didn’t have a simple, clear -cut response that wouldn’t induce hours of trying not to sound like a self-pitying mess.

“I don’t know” She shrugged “But I’m OK with it.”

_Yeah, maybe that was a small lie._

Carl still looked confused, but seemed to accept her interpretation. He nodded a couple of times and peered up at her.

“Well, I think you’re awesome.” He wanted her to know.

Jess’s heart swelled at his attempt to boost her confidence and she couldn’t help but wonder if it was Rick or Lori that had instilled such a fierce need to see people happy in him. Carl cared about other people and often went beyond the limits to try and inject a dash of positivity into their lives. She remembered how he’d begged her to come clean to the group, because they needed it. They’d been through so much, he truly believed that being re-united with Jess would make his father, Carol and Daryl happy.

“You’re a good person, Carl. You deserve some of the light that you try so hard to give everybody else. If she means something to you, fight for her…” She quickly checked over her shoulder, sweeping the area and mentally ticking off the list of routes to the pond that could potentially hold someone that could overhear her. Seeing no one, she turned back to Carl. “…But don’t you dare take any shit, you hear me?”

He giggled and held her gaze. “I hear you.”

She reached out and tugged his hat over his eyes, hearing him laugh from beneath. When he tipped it back again, he caught sight of her vanishing around the corner.

* * *

The furniture on the front porch of Deanna’s house was frequently used as a place to touch base, to make plans and to relay ideas and concerns. Deanna was clear that whether it be day or night, the inhabitants of the town were permitted to use the front porch at any time.

After the weekly meetings, those involved in the supply runs schedule would often meet here to sip lemonade and plan their next move, which was exactly what Jess, Rick and Abraham were doing under Deanna’s watchful eye one sunny morning. With a straw situated in her glass, thoughtfully provided by Deanna with no questions asked, Jess sipped Lemonade under mask and rocked back and forth on her chair with her boot planted firmly on the wooden fencing in front of her. Occasionally, she coughed and fanned the air in an attempt to rid the air of the smoke from Abraham’s cigar.

Rick and Deanna were hashing out the details of what type of vehicle would be required of such a run and what weapons could be checked out of the armory while Abraham made faces at Jess across the table, some crude, some goofy and some downright weird. In the street, Carl played with Judith, gently kicking a bright blue ball back and forth with her. Her innocent chatter and laugher were a welcome sound to everyone, grateful to hear anything but the growling beyond the walls. By all accounts, it was a normal Monday morning.

“Good morning Mr. Dixon.” Deanna called out, attracting Jess’s attention from blowing bubbles through her straw into her drink.

“Mornin” He muttered back.

Jess couldn’t help but do a small double take. Something was different about him but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it straight away. She wanted to laugh but in an ill-tempered way at how annoying it was that no matter what he was doing, Daryl was always extremely nice to look at. 

_This is ridiculous. How is he getting hotter? Now, what the hell is going on here? That’s me not concentrating for the rest of the day._

Biting down on her straw, she pondered over what could possibly be different. Ripped pants patched up at the knees? Check. Leather vest with dirty angel wings? Check. Messy, ruffled and wavy hair that obscured his eyes most of the time? Check. No, she couldn't figure it out.

“Hey Daryl, we were just discussing clearing a five star hotel for supplies. We’re after another couple of generators too.” Rick conveyed “We need them, now the population here is growing thanks to you and Aaron recruiting.”

“Plus, I like those chocolates they give you with coffee and the mints they leave on the pillows.” Jess shrugged as she collected her quiver from the floor beside her and started to count her arrows.

“She’s lyin’.” Abraham droned from across the table “She just wants to be alone with yours truly in the honeymoon suite. Aint that right, Angel?”

Jess slowly looked up the big, red-headed military man that was winking at her shamelessly in front of everyone.

“Oh yeah, so I can drown you in the bathtub.” She shot back nonchalantly.

Daryl witnessed their exchange with a mild impatience. It wasn’t in his nature to converse with anyone like Abraham Ford did, least of all a woman. Therefore, his efforts to understand the motivation of such talk when the endgame wasn’t to pair off were all but failing. If he wasn’t interested in her in that way, why would he persist?

“When we goin?” Daryl asked, involving himself in the run without bothering to ask permission. Larger groups were always beneficial. Or, that’s what he would say if anyone asked. The real reason masked behind his stoicism; he just wanted to be near Jess.

“Oh, you’re not invited” She joked and he could see the smile behind her mask portrayed in her eyes.

“Today.” Rick replied with a more polite response.

“A’right. I’ma leave the bike here, sit up front." Daryl expressed "We can toss her in the back seat like a burger wrapper”

At that, Abraham chuckled loudly and extinguished his cigar on the sole of his boot. Deanna offered her a sympathetic smile but quite obviously found the whole thing highly amusing, having never seen Jess, or ‘Parker’ as she knew her in such a relaxed and social environment before.

“Hey!” Jess complained.

“Can dish it out, but ya can’t take it.” Daryl mocked with a slight curl to the side of his mouth.

“Easy you two, or I will turn the truck around and we will come right back here” Rick told them with a chuckle, as if he were a fed-up father taking his kids out on a trip to the beach.

“Want some company in the backseat?” Abraham asked Jess as he got to his feet and shuffled past her on the porch. His nose was turning pink from the sun. Jess merely rolled her eyes in response, meaning he only chortled louder and lowered a big hand into her shoulder, giving it a squeeze as he passed.

Daryl’s chest tightened. He wasn’t sure why he was faced with such feelings, but the playfulness that had developed between Jess and Abraham made his temper flare and his mood turn irritable. It was strange to him despite knowing that now, she was just as likely to engage in such mockery and teasing with him as well as Abraham and in public as well as when they were alone. It just wasn’t flirtatious. Jealousy wasn’t something he’d had to contend with in the past, having never had any real feelings for anyone in that capacity. Did this mean his feelings towards Jess were changing? Was he experiencing something akin to a romantic attachment? He wasn’t quite sure. But he did know what when she smiled, she lit up a room and with it and sparked a fire inside him that left him unable to deny that he thought she was the prettiest creature he’d ever seen.

“Be safe.” Deanna intercepted as everyone started to filter down the stairs and over to the waiting trucks that could be borrowed “stick to the route on the map. Please let me know when you return. Oh, Mr Grimes?”

Rick stopped and handed the map to Abraham.

“Yes?”

“No diversions, no changes of plans. You are all our best fighters; I can’t have you all away for too long.” She requested

“You got it.” He accepted, looking at Daryl and nudging his head towards the trucks.

“Parker, a word before you go?” Deanna called out.

Jess stopped in her tracks, already suspecting that whatever ‘word’ Deanna wanted to have with her was likely to exasperate her after a certain topic hadn’t been mentioned in a while. She hung back, sliding her quiver onto her back while Deanna waited for the others to move out of ear shot.

“Any particular reason you’re around here so much these days?” She asked.

Jess’s brow furrowed, she thought that if anything, Deanna would be pleased to have her around after being pestered so much to join the community, then to live among it.

“Any particular reason you’re asking me?” She retorted.

“Because it’s nice. I like having you here. I know Aaron and Eric do too.” Deanna expressed.

_Ah, here it is. A few weeks of peace and she’s back at it._

“Annnnd here we go again.” Jess groaned

Deanna placed her hand over Jess’s leather gloved hand and peered at her with pleading eyes.

“Please reconsider. You would never have to give up the fairground. It’ll always be yours. But you’ll be so much better off living here with us. I know you and Mr, Dixon work well together and I always see you and Abraham laughing. Since their group arrived you’ve been happier.”

Not wanting to seem rude or cagey, Jess stepped back slightly, breaking the physical contact and clearing her throat as she tried to think of yet another way to decline an offer which had been put to her many, many times before.

“I just like being kept busy. This new runs schedule has me out almost every other day.” She mumbled in a tone that came across as less than interested.

“It’s more than that. I know it is.” Deanna pressed, managing to catch her eye.

“Your observation skills still remain unrivaled, I see.” Jess challenged with a smirk that could be detected even with her mask as a barrier. “Look, I’m not moving here. I like my life as it is. But thank you for yet another offer and I have to hand it to you, you’re one persistent woman.”

* * *

The Wyndham Grand Hotel was a five-star establishment, nestled into the woodland that surrounded a town that was a two-hour drive from Alexandria. As soon as she arrived, Jess was impressed by the grandeur of it all and couldn’t wait to get inside and start sweeping the rooms for luxury items and non-perishable food stuffs.

The lobby boasted marble flooring and pillars with a sweeping, oval desk and a plush, red carpet. Couches and cushioned armchairs filled the space and in the corners were what must have once been large and colorful exotic plants. Jess was glad they’d managed to make good time so navigating the building with be easier without the use of a flashlight. Having parked the truck in the loading area, Rick and Abraham made their way to the reception desk to collect keys and sweep the place for generators that could be removed and fit onto the back of the vehicle.

“I’m going to leave you guys to the technical stuff and heavy lifting. I’ll be clearing the rooms, see if I can find anything useful.” Jess announced over her shoulder while heading to the stairs.

“I’ma go with her unless you guy need me?” Daryl asked.

“No, it’s OK. We’ll be fine. You go with Jess, none of us should be wandering around alone.” Rick told him. He signaled to Abraham to follow him from the reception desk to a set of double doors with a sign above them which told them they were heading to the Kitchen.

“They could use some more alone time together.” He mused.

“What, Jess and Daryl?” Abraham questioned in surprise. “That’s a thing? He’s into her?”

“Think so” Rick confirmed. “Let's just say it has potential.” He stopped and positioned himself on one side of the door while Abraham did the same opposite, both with knives drawn and held up, ready to defend themselves.

“Well, I’ll be damned.” Abe chuckled.

* * *

Getting a head start on Daryl, Jess breezed through any open rooms she could access, eventually finding a large designer suitcase on the bed in the penthouse suite which from the window, provided views of the mountains for miles across the canopy trees. So far, she’d found the maids trolley in the hallway and taken a series of miniature bottles. Shampoo, shower gel, soaps and spare toothbrushes.

 _They’ve thought of everything._ She thought.

Pulling her mask down, she felt a trickle of perspiration run down her temple and decided to lose her hood along with it. It was hot in the room, mainly from the daylight hitting the windows and creating a greenhouse effect. She used her knife to crack the small and relatively useless padlock on the suitcase and flung it open, rummaging around various boxes of make-up and clutch bags until she spotted something she really could not bypass.

She gasped as she pulled out a huge box of tampons and stared down at them with her mouth open like they were the most precious thing in the world.

“Oh, sweet baby Jesus, thank you.” She said to herself.

Tampons and sanitary products, like medication and food, were becoming increasingly scarce and coming across such a find felt like a major triumph to Jess, who, like many other women, despised using old school, washable products that created not only a level of self-consciousness from such an adjustment, but a lot of getting used to.

“Hey, you find anythin’?”

At the sound of his voice cutting through the air so unexpectedly, Jess jumped. Everything seemed to kick into slow motion as she tossed the box in the air, widening her eyes in horror as the contents created an explosion of tampons all around her, rotating as they spiraled out of control and careered to the floor. Time jolted back to normal when they all scattered onto the carpet like a million grains of sugar, each tiny, little thud like a gunshot as they hit the floor. Jess stood with her hand’s half risen, still poised as if she was holding the box which was now at her feet. She slowly looked up to see Daryl stood completely still in the doorway with one eyebrow raised.

“Uuuuuh…” She tried. “I uh, I, I-found some of the mints I like.” She stammered “Aaaaand then…it started…” her eyes lowered to the floor at what felt like a sea of offending articles “…. raining tampons.”

The corner of Daryl’s mouth quirked up as he stepped into the room and nudged his head up at her

“Okay” He replied quietly and she could tell it was taking every single bit of his self-control not to burst into fits of laughter.

Jess sighed and grit her teeth, offering him a bizarre and strained smile as she pointed to the floor with one hand.

“Just going to…pick those up.” She uttered, bending her knees, staring in total embarrassment at the floor and feeling unwaveringly certain that her face was now a deep shade of crimson. Her hands started to scramble across the carpet, collecting the tampons and shoving them in the box. Daryl knelt down and started to assist her. “Oh, you don’t have to.” She said.

“Gonna be here all damn day if I don’t.” He pointed out. She had to admit, he was right, there was a lot of them. Or maybe it just seemed like there was because of the painfully awkward nature of the situation. Jess reached out to grab the last two which lay next to one another near the bed, unaware that Daryl also had his sights set on them. Their hands collided and Jess withdrew as if she’d just shoved her hand into a furnace. Dread engulfed her and she was sure her entire body had now turned red and not just her face. “Uh, sorry.”

“My fault.” He grunted, avoiding her gaze.

“No, it was mine. I’ll just-”

“-Let me”

Once again, they both reached out, this time stopping half way.

“Ooookay” Jess breathed, taking a minute to decide who she was going to pass her possessions onto when she died of humiliation "I’ll get them”

“Yeah. K.” He murmured, quickly withdrawing and scratching the back of his neck with his head low.

When Jess got up, she braved a quick look in his direction and noticed him staring right at her.

“It’s the end of the world. These are like the holy grail. I’m still expecting a pig to fly past the window at any moment.”

“Right” He nodded, straightening up. “You um, you want me to bring some back for ya if I see ‘em when I’m out?”

Not expecting such an offer, for a moment she was rendered speechless. Until it occurred to her how useful and thoughtful his offer was.

“That would be great, thank you.”

“Sure.” He nodded “So, uh…you just want the little, bullet-shaped ones or are they like a ‘one size fits all’ thing?”

Feeling her skin literally crawling at the awkwardness of it all, Jess let a small uneasy laugh escape her and wished the ground would open up and swallow her.

“Hah. Um, that is _not_ a conversation you and I are going to have. Just, bring back anything you find.” She told him, turning her back and exhaling the large breath she’d been clinging onto and letting it flare out her cheeks and blow tufts of her hair upwards. She set to work removing the sheets from the bed and trying to put the last few minutes in a box in her mind so she didn’t ever have to re-visit it.

“Ya ain’t already got sheets?” he enquired, confused by her actions.

“Daryl, these are Egyptian cotton. I could never afford sheets like these before. But I can now”

Just about having enough with the topics of discussion so far, he reached out to help her remove the folded quit cover from the bed. His hand brushed against hers and it makes her skin tingle and her eyes closed. Her body froze and he noticed her still beside him briefly. He said nothing, only licking his lips and stifling a smile. If he didn’t know better, he could have sworn that she enjoyed the fleeting contact of his skin on hers.

* * *

From the risen bar area above the lobby, Daryl and Jess sat at a table by the window, watching the trundling mass of Walkers pass by outside. Trapped until the way was clear, Abraham and Rick played cards on the reception desk while Jess drew patterns on the table with a marker and Daryl watched her carefully. She glanced out of the window to what looked like the endless line of dead people below. Each one with a past, an identity. She scanned their vacant and pale faces, spotting one in particular that held her attention.

“Huh. He looks like Ben” She said to herself, forgetting for a moment that she was in Daryl’s company and was speaking aloud.

“Who’s Ben?” He questioned.

Having backed herself into a corner by absentmindedly voicing her thoughts, she accepted that Daryl was about to find out that when she lived in the city, she reached whole new level of crazy.

“My pet Walker from the city.”

Sure enough, he looked at her as if she’d lost her mind.

“Your what?”

“It’s not as weird as it sounds.” She began to explain “I found him trapped at the bottom of the elevator shaft in my building. He was wearing this janitor’s uniform with a name tag. Ben. I tried to figure out how I could get him out of there and put him down. But as time went on, I changed my mind.”

Daryl lit a smoke as she was talking and sat back in his chair, throwing a leg across his knee and resting his cigarette between his fingers, which were perched atop of the chair’s arm.

“Why?” he wanted to know.

“He became a kind of listening post for me. I stopped journaling and started telling him everything. He kept me sane.” Saying the words for the first time gave Jess a kind of clarity about the situation. She had indeed credited the Walker with helping to keep her sanity after spending so long alone and slowly learning to feel the fear and use it to her advantage.

His expression was unchanged, a wary disbelief in his eyes. Jess felt like a fool trying to explain her strange relationship with the dead janitor but worried that if she didn’t finish her story, the half truth would be much worse.

“Eventually I realized that he had the keys to the elevator grate in his pocket. Long story short, I managed to get him out of there and tied him up on the roof.”

“Why didn’t ya just get rid of him?” He furrowed his brow and tilted his head back, finding her story interesting. Having made out that she was better off solo, she was now proving to him that she did, in fact, need somebody when she’d left all alone.

“Because he taught me things. Like how the dead detect sound and how much they can see. How they move and how they deteriorate with time. He’s the reason I’m better at dealing with Walkers than with live people.”

Daryl thought it over while he checked the progress of the herd wandering by below. It was one of the smeller herd’s he’d seen, but it still meant they’d been waiting for almost an hour for it to pass.

“I dunno if that’s smart or stupid.” He eventually said.

“It was smart. Y’know why?” She asked.

He shrugged and smiled thinly, enjoying their conversation more than he cared to admit. Aside from the dead beyond the doors, and the uneasy quiet, it was like they were sat in a bar as friends, or maybe even on a date, swapping anecdotes over a beer. Only the beer in reality was in the form of his hip flask and her plastic bottle of water and the only date Daryl had ever been on was having to hold back a crack head’s hair in a parking lot after Merle had given her too much booze.

“Because if it wasn’t for him creating a distraction. I’d have been caught by those assholes we encountered in the woods. I’m sure they were from the same group that tried to capture me in the city. Ben bought me valuable seconds to make my escape. He saved my life”

It didn’t bear thinking about; Jess being caught by the gang and never walking back into his life. He held up his hip flask “In that case” He rasped, tilting it slightly “To Ben.”

Jess raised her own water bottle and gently touched it on the metal flask.

“To Ben”.

She grinned and took a sip. Then, out of nowhere came memory that she’d been mulling over for a while; The fact that he kept her T-shirts. She felt guilt come creeping back into her mind.

“Daryl, you know I’m sorry, right?” She blurted out, albeit quietly. A hushed whisper on her tongue.

“Thought ya wasn’t good at apologies.” He pointed out.

“I’m not.” She admitted.

“That explains the weird timin’ I guess. What’cha sorry for?”

In truth, she was sorry for a lot of things but didn’t want to ramble on for too long and make herself too vulnerable. It was only now, after getting to know him again and learning to trust him that she felt reasonably comfortable with bringing the topic up.

“Leaving the quarry without saying goodbye. Lying to you. The note I left. All of it. I realized I never really apologized. Not properly.”

He was peering up at her though the wavy strands of his hair, his blue eyes fixed on hers. She expected him to speak, but tome passed and he said nothing. She tried to divert her vision but found that it just didn’t feel right.

“M’sorry too. Didn’t mean to be such an asshole to ya” He confessed.

“It’s OK. So, we’re cool?” She grinned.

“We was cool anyways.”

“I just wanted you to kn-“

“-I know. You can quit yabberin’.” He teased, provoking a subtle giggle and a playful slap of his hand.

* * *

Some time later, Rick interrupted an intense game of I-spy when he thundered up the stairs, calling both of their names and pointing to the fire exit. When Daryl shot up and asked him what the racket was, he simply yelled “They’re inside! Move!”

Jess could hear the sound of hundreds of Walkers pushing through the glass doors on the ground floor, shuffled steps and groans striking fear into her chest. Without hesitation, Daryl grabbed her wrist and hauled her out of the bar and to the fire exit stairs, following after Rick. Behind them, Abraham was racing to reach the door with his M4A1 Carbine gripped in his hand like a relay baton. When he caught up, he slammed the heavy, metal door behind him and flew up the steps.

On one of the floors, which one Jess wasn’t quite sure, Rick flung open the doors to a lounge area with floor to ceiling windows, plush couches and heavy, gold and cream drapes. He hurried everyone inside, breathless and panicked, just as the mass of Walkers began to appear at the end of the hall.

“There’s a hell of a lot more than we thought, they’re moving up the hotel, right on our tails.” Abraham told them while behind him, Rick set to work securing the double doors with a fire axe slid through the bars. “There I was thinkin’ we were going to have to bed down here for the night. Shame. Looks like you’re going to miss out on a steamy night in a hotel room with me, honey” He prodded.

“Oh my god” Jess muttered to herself between labored breaths “shut up”. She shoved him in the arm and he laughed as he tried to catch his breath, clocking Daryl’s unimpressed expression.

Deciding to steer clear of winding Daryl up any more, Abraham aimed at one of the huge window panels and fired off a few shots, shattering the glass and leaving a whistling, gaping hole in the side of the building.

“OK. No guns unless we have to. We’ll just attract more” Rick instructed, quickly holding up a hand to stop anyone else getting ideas “We need to figure out how to get out of here before they break through that door.”

Daryl edged closer to the glassless window and peered out of the gap. Jess heard him sigh and her heart started to pound even faster.

“Can’t jump this” He said “It’s way too high.”

Jess, Rick and Abraham all joined him at the edge, agreeing that it was indeed too high for a human to jump and walk away with no injuries. But Jess knew they had to do something and fast.

“If you lower me down as far as possible, I could try? Go get hel-”

“No” Daryl interrupted loudly “you’ll break ya damn legs fallin’ that far.”

His tone was firm and stern but if there was a chance that she could make it then that was good enough for her. She charged back to the couches, lifting one of the cushions from the frame. The doors heaved with the Walkers outside and the fire axe clunked in its place.

“We could throw these down there, it’ll cushion my fall.” She suggested.

“No, Jess” Daryl replied without giving anyone else a say.

“We have to do something or we’re all going to die here!” She cried, stamping her foot like a child having a tantrum “I’m chunky but I’m the lightest out of us all. I can do this.”

“It is an idea” Rick admitted

“The only one we got” Abraham agreed

“I have to try”

Daryl crossed the space between them and stopped inches from her face, causing her to raise her eyebrows so she could look up at him.

“You not hear me or somethin’? I said no, Jess. We’ll find another way.” He scolded.

When he spoke, it was like there was no one else in the room and she couldn’t deny that his bossy refusal and need to protect her from injury was an unsettlingly attractive trait in him. Rick and Abraham swapped knowing glances before Rick took Daryl to one side and Jess wandered around the room and looked for another option.

“You got another idea?” Rick asked.

“No. But we ain’t lettin’ her go out that window. She ain’t gonna get outta that without an injury which means she could get bit. I ain’t riskin’ that.” Daryl confirmed. It was non-negotiable, there was only one way Jess was executing her plan of going out of the window alone and that was if Daryl couldn’t stop her. For that, he’d have to be dead.

“There are enough couch cushions in here to take a few feet off that fall, Daryl.” Rick tried.

“Gotta make a decision people!” Abraham announced from the door, the doors were splitting open, rotten hands with nails hanging off were slithering through, grasping at the air and leaving coagulated blood stains on the woodwork.

“It ain’t an option.” Daryl growled at Rick “She aint doin’ it. Over my dead body. Ya gonna have to shoot me because I won’t let it happen.”

“Uh, guys?” Jess said “I think I have an idea”

The three men all turned to find Jess sat on the floor, clawing bedsheets from her bag and testing their strength by trying to rip them as best she could.

“Can’t set up camp in here, sweetheart” Abe commented. But Jess ignored him and started knotting them together and pulling them tight. “Rick, give me a hand.” She instructed. Rick was on the floor beside her in seconds and she handed him the corner of a bedsheet while she took hold of another, a tight knot connecting the two in the middle. She got up, handing the other end to Daryl “You’re physically strong. Both of you pull each end, as hard as you can, try and rip it.” They nodded at one another and engaged in a tug of war. The sheets went taut as both men became red faced and failed to even dislodge the knot. Jess emptied the rest of the sheets from her bag and dumped them on the floor. “Great. If we tie all these together and attach it to that pillar over there, we have a rope.”

“Not just a pretty face. Let’s do it!” Abe cheered

“It’s a little ‘Cartoon Network’ but it could work.” She shrugged, picking up more sheets and tying knots. “Means we can all get out of here together”

Tying the crisp, white bed linen around a pillar and fastening it with a hefty knot, Jess, Rick and Daryl all applied their weight to the makeshift rope, pleased when it failed to break.

“OK, it’s holding” Rick declared “Good job, Jess.”

“I’ll go first.” She told him. A hand clamped down around her wrist, halting her before she could even take a step.

“ _Like hell you will_.” Daryl cut in “You’ll go second. Looks clear down there right now but it might not be once ya hit the deck. Pass me those couch cushions”

Swallowing her pride and allowing Daryl to have his protective moments, Jess began throwing parts of the couches to Daryl and Rick, who tried to drop them as strategically as possible to the ground outside. Before she could protest, Daryl shot her a warning glare, picked up his crossbow, slid it across his torso and grabbed a hold of the sheets.

“Alright, stay aware” Rick told him, holding onto the white rope himself as well as relying on the pillar for stability. Daryl slowly backed through the window and Jess was sure she was going to throw up from worry.

“Gotta hurry this up, guys. This door aint gonna hold much longer. This is makin’ my ass itch!” Abe informed them.

As Daryl worked his way down the rope, Jess appeared at the top with her bow aimed in case any Walkers appeared on the ground.

 _Don’t you dare fall._ She thought, over and over again.

Her stomach lurched and her heard almost exploded when he slid at least two feet down unexpectedly, but managed to regain his grip by using a boot on a window ledge to halt the momentum. She was sure the two other men could hear her practically hyperventilating. When he was safely at the bottom, he equipped his crossbow, stood balanced on the cushions and beckoned for Jess to go next, followed by a finger pushed to his lips that urged them all to keep quiet and not attract any more attention.

Jess descended the rope under Ricks careful instructions, slowly working her way down and crediting herself for building up her upper body strength. She could hear Daryl below, encouraging her quietly and informing her of the distance she had left to go.

Back up in the hotels lounge, Rick quickly left Jess once she was a few feet above Daryl and shoved a couch over to where Abe stood with his back now pressed against the doors. The two of them worked to push the heavy piece of furniture into place, knowing it wouldn’t hold for long due to the shiny surface on the floor. Abraham was ordered to get to the ground next and Rick monitored the barrier they’d created between them and the dead as it threatened to release. When it was finally Ricks turn, he scaled the outside of the building as fast as he could, hearing the doors slam open above him and the snarling of Walkers filling the room.

The four of them ran through the trees and around the building to the loading dock, which by some stroke of luck, only continued a dozen or so Walkers. Jess started firing off arrows alongside Daryl, the two of them working together to take them down, while Abraham and Rick secured the generators and started up the Truck. Arrows and bolts criss-crossed in the darkened, warehouse like area and with each thud of a brain being penetrated, an echo sounded out, making the experience even more visceral.

Daryl yelled at Jess to get behind him as the second wave of Walkers closed in around the truck, when she didn’t comply, he moved in front of her and gradually stepped back, all the time firing and eliminating the dead in front of him. Eventually, Jess was forced to retreat to the vehicle and Rick hit the accelerator, ploughing into two corpses and allowing the archer to grab a hold of the truck and climb in as it passed.

Inside the trucks cab, everyone tried to catch their breath with the hotel becoming smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror. Daryl leaned over to Jess in the back seat, pulling her coat to one side.

“You hurt?” He demanded.

“No. I’m fine. Are you?”

“Naw.”

“Good” She panted, turning to lean her head against the cold window. “Good.”

* * *

The aftermath of the hotel supply run was almost non-existent to Rick and Abraham, who arrived back at Alexandria and unpacked the cargo without the bat of an eyelid. For Jess and Daryl, the events of that day were entirely more lingering. Jess had chosen to be the one to relay the happenings of the run to Deanna, who listened in horror as she recounted the sheer numbers of Walkers they had to contend with and their close brush with death, had it not been for her quick thinking with the bedsheets. She made no bones about accepting the credit for the idea, it had been one of her better ones and she knew from her time in the city that she was resourceful and smart.

Daryl refused to leave the front porch of Deanna’s house until Jess reappeared and he smoked in a brooding silence, offering a feeble wave to Aaron when he rolled back through the gate, returning from recruiting. Rick tried to check on his welfare when he passed the porch on his way back to the house but Daryl simply told him he was good and that he’d be home later on.

Jess left Deanna’s place and descended the stairs without even checking the porch. She wanted to get back to the fairground and sleep, the adrenaline that pumped through her veins and aided her to come out of almost being eaten by a heard but now resulting in a crashing, heavy tiredness. Daryl sprang up when he saw her walk straight past him and to the gate, deciding to follow her.

“Hey” He called out. The gate closed behind him but Jess continued on her path.

“Oh, Hi” She sighed “Look, I’m exhausted, I gotta get home. You’re welcome to walk with me but I’m not exactly full of conversation.”

Wordlessly, he followed her, matching her pace and witnessing her check her distance from the town before she lowered her mask. He reached out, gently touching her arm which stopped her in her tracks.

“What is it? Are you okay?” She asked, concerned by the downcast look on his face.

“Maybe you should opt outta these runs” He suggested.

“Why would I want to do that? I like going on runs.” She turned her body to face him, shifting her weight to one foot as if she was preparing to be there a little longer than she’d expected.

“You could have died today, Jess.” He said sadly.

She studied his features, the way he nibbled at his lip when he was trying to say something revealing or awkward or out of character. His eyes were tired but still bright enough when he looked at her. Well aware that she could have met her demise, she’d tucked it away in her memories and counted herself lucky that she was with a strong team who took a chance on her idea. But as Daryl stood before her and refused to break their eye contact, she realized that what she was witnessing, was how deeply he cared for her.

“But I didn’t” She whispered with a small smile “Tomorrow is never promised for any of us.”

“I know.” He nodded, stepping back and digging his toe into the dirt. “S’why I don’t want ya to go no more. I um…” He grunted quietly and Jess waited, not wanting to interrupt his train of thought or distract him to the point that she would never find out what he wanted to say. He risked a look at her face, relieved to find she was still with him and waiting patiently. His head buzzed with thoughts, things he wanted to say but didn’t know how. He rubbed his chin and sighed and then, at the sight of her shy smile the words were there.

“…I can’t lose you. Not again. Not for good. I just can’t.”

His voice shook as he spoke, cracking at the end of the sentence and Jess had to close her eyes and take a step back to stop herself from doing one of two things; crying or kissing him. She slowly licked her lips, thinking over his intent. How exactly did he mean that?

To Daryl, he’d just spoken a very secret and emotional truth and was way out of his comfort zone. He hadn’t considered the true ramifications of his admission and that was that Jess now knew that her cared about her enough to follow her halfway home and beg her to take herself off of the supply runs team. That he cared so deeply, he’d taken longer than anyone else to admit it.

“I’m not going anywhere, Daryl.” She attempted to assure him.

“You don’t know that.” He countered. She didn’t. She didn’t know how much longer she would survive in the world. She knew that some people left Alexandria’s gates and never returned. She’d attended funerals inside the walls and even helped Aaron to retrieve bodies. She’d felt the heavy weight of loss and that was the people she didn’t even know that well. She tried to imagine the pain Daryl would endure if she were to never return. Based on what she could see in front of her, it was clear that it would destroy him.

“I’ll compromise with you.” She suggested “I’ll only do the local supply runs.”

Her offer seemed to placate him and he nodded subtly, mulling it over and eventually taking a deep breath.

“A’right. Thank you.” He mumbled.

“I’d ask where this has come from, but it’s a been a rough day.” She grinned. Her effort to lighten the mood and make him more comfortable fell flat when she noticed him suck his lower lip into his mouth once more. She braced herself for yet another one liner that was bound to silence and stun her.

“I know I was a dick today.” He acknowledged “I care about you.”

Now he was refusing to lift his gaze, his eyes focused on the dirt under his boots. It was not lost on her that Daryl was the kind of man to show his feelings though actions rather than words, which explained his snappy and bossy demeanour and refusal to put her in harms way at the hotel. But hearing him actually say the words to her had stunned her. She couldn’t believe what she was experiencing. It was a big first, a man so unusual and unique, a man so attractive and unattainable was declaring to her that out of everyone, he had some kind of feelings for her. It may not have been outwardly romantic, or even romantic at all. But it was enough to make her nervous when she contemplated that no matter how much Daryl cared about anyone else; Carol, Rick, Michonne, he never asked them to step away from their duties in order to keep them safe. Up in the lounge of the hotel, it wasn’t the thought of Rick or Abe being hurt that drove him to his defiant comments. It was her. Jess dipped her head, managing to encourage him to lift his vision just enough to see her return the sentiment.

“I care about you too, you idiot.” She told him. When his head raised enough for her to see his face, she beamed at him and saw him smile back for the first time.

“I’ll uh, let ya get home.” He moved back, shoving his hands into his Jeans pockets. His crossbow clanked against his back with the movement and he adjusted his shirt at the collar.

All at once, Jess had an epiphany.

“I know what it is!” She cried, the second time in one day that she’d thought out loud.

“What?” Daryl was baffled.

She held her breath and thought that in that moment she probably looked as awkward as she did when he’d walked in on her throwing tampons around.

“Ah. This morning, I thought there was something different about you. I know what it is now. You got a new shirt.”

Daryl huffed and glanced down at the plain, black, button down shirt beneath his leather vest. She was right, it was new, dug out from the mass of clothing they’d fetched from the Cherokee Club. But he never expected her to notice, he never expected anyone to notice. It was just a shirt, after all.

“Um, yeah. Carol made me.” He shrugged. Jess laughed at the thought of Carol ordering him to get himself a new shirt. If Carol told her to do the same, she wouldn’t argue, the woman could be terrifying. “Why’d ya notice that?”

“Because you look great in it.” She said without thinking.

_Oh god. I just gave him a compliment without thinking it over a million times and taking into account every, possible consequence. Shit._

He sucked both lips into his mouth and gave her a slow and uneasy nod and she was sure, beyond any doubt, that she witnessed his ears and the tops of his cheeks turn pink.

“Thanks” came his gravelly response.

“Isn’t it supposed to have sleeves?” She asked as she squinted at the frayed edges around his broad shoulders.

“Cut ‘em off.”

“Why?”

“’Cause it’s fuckin’ hot here.” He shrugged as if she should know the answer to her own question.

Her mind delved into the gutter and for an indulgent moment she wondered what it would be like to slowly drag her fingers over the taut muscles of his arms and shoulders. She emitted a long sigh with her tongue tracing a line along her lower lip and her eyes shamelessly fixated on his skin.

“You’re right. It is…fucking…hot.” She breathed.

Daryl narrowed his eyes at her, wondering what the change in her signified and then it hit him; he’d seen this expression before. A long time ago, back at the quarry, stood in the water while she insisted on teaching him how to use rocks to clean clothes.

_Is she…checking me out?!_

“What?” He said loudly, snapping her from her delectable daydream.

“What?!” She quickly exclaimed back.

“Uh, I’ma head back now.” He smirked a smug sensation filling his body.

“Huh. Um. No problem. Yeah. I should go, too. I’m tired and hungry and I have mints. From the hotel”

_You’re rambling! Shut up!_

“See ya” She chirped, throwing him two finger guns.

“Sure. I’ll see ya tomorrow” he chuckled. Walking away, he tried to remember if he’d ever met anyone like Jess and came up with nothing. Not a single soul he’d come across in all his years was as delightfully awkward, funny and genuine as she was and when he wasn’t around her, he craved her presence and the ability to see her contagious smile and pretty features. Yes, he did care about her and the thought of her not being around anymore was just too abhorrent to comprehend.

Turning rapidly on her heels, Jess looked down at her finger gun hands and curled her lip in disgust.

“Such a loser” She whispered to herself.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE! There's cuteness and lots of dialogue. Hooray for characters that talk to one another ;)  
> Thanks for the love! <3

Carl was reading Judith’s new favorite book to her. The one Jess had given her and she'd become obsessed with. No other books were good enough. The night had crept in before he’d even noticed, the sky turning from orange to a deep black in the blink of an eye. The starts were out that night and he began to count them one by one as he bounced Judith on his lap. That was, until she began to fuss and pulled the book towards her on the table. She was getting good at communicating her needs, her main one being reading with her brother or Uncle Daryl.

From their position on the front porch, the front gate could be seen to the right, small lights lined the walls and illuminated the area for the gate guards and the sentries that patrolled the perimeter. Not only could he see the gate from where he sat, he could also see between the two houses opposite. The metal girder that held up that section of the wall and the holes in it that Enid used to fashion a ladder with metal pipes in order to scale the wall. He always kept a close eye on the gap between the houses, frequently following Enid over the wall despite Jess’s warnings. He knew she watched over her, but when she was sent on a run there was no one else to do so, meaning Carl took it upon himself to ensure her safety while keeping enough of a distance to avoid being detected. It was risky and dangerous, he knew that much, but he wasn’t about to let the girl he liked linger outside the safety of Alexandria all alone.

He was almost finished with the storybook when the gate squeaked open, it’s mechanical noise rattling through the street. Daryl struck a solitary figure when he walked through the gate and nodded to the guard, who heaved it shut behind him. He carried his crossbow over his shoulder and appeared pensive as he crossed the space between the street and the house.

“Hi Daryl” Carl greeted. He closed the book on the table and shifted Judith on his lap. Deciding she wasn’t quite done with the story, she reached out and opened the book again, scrunching up the pages with her little hand as she turned them.

“Carl.” Daryl nodded. Reaching the top of the steps to the porch. Leaning down to Judith, he ruffled her hair and ticked her fingers with his own. “Hey, Lil’ asskicker” he uttered to his adoptive niece. He pulled out a chair, dropped his crossbow beside it on the floor and sat down to a heavy sigh emanating from his lungs. Conversation was not on his list of priorities; his eyes were stinging and his head was busy. The day’s events coupled with his last conversation with Jess in the woods made everything seem muddled.

“Dad said you guys had a rough run today.” Carl mentioned.

“No more than usual I spose.” Daryl replied.

“Jess okay?”

Daryl looked up at the teenage boy, fresh faced and so young yet he had seen so much in his few years on the planet. He remembered that Jess and Carl got along well at the quarry but wasn’t aware that they were close anymore.

“Yeah, just walked her halfway home, she’s fine.” He answered. “Why?”

The ripping of paper and a happy giggle from the small child on Carl’s lap momentarily caught his attention.

“She’s my friend” He said simply while moving the book out of Judith’s destructive hands.

Daryl wasn’t surprised, it was easy to be friends with Jess as long as she allowed it. She was genuine and he could talk to her like he couldn’t talk to anyone else. Carl obviously thought the same.

“Yeah, me too.” He echoed thoughtfully.

“Daryl…” Carl started “…How do you fight for someone when they’re with somebody else?”

Confusion swept over Daryl’s face and he was baffled as to why Carl would ask him such a thing. Relationship advice was so far removed from Daryl’s talents that he was sure there was absolutely no point in him even answering. He was also inconvenienced and put-out by the question. But Carl’s face was pleading and a part of him was curious.

“You alright, kid?” He checked.

“Yeah. I’m fine. I just don’t know what to do.” Carl confessed. His head lowered and he gently combed through Judith’s hair as she leaned against his chest and settled down. Knowing he couldn’t just get up and leave and clearly able to see that something was bothering him, Daryl leaned forwards and braced his elbows on his knees. Rubbing his hands together, he prepared himself for what was a very uncommon occurrence to him. Even when he was a teenager himself advice was not something he ever dared to ask for, nor would he have received any in the first place.

“What’s goin’ on, Carl?”

“There’s a girl I like. Enid…”

 _Oh, Great._ Daryl thought. _Not exactly my forte._

He was busy wiping dust and dirt from his hands when Carl spoke, seemingly uninterested on the outside, until Carl continued to explain himself.

“…And I told Jess.” Then, Daryl looked sideways at him.

“Really.” He muttered.

“Yeah. She told me to talk to her. It must have worked because I think we’re friends now. We played video games and I made her laugh and Jess says it’s a good start.” He conveyed.

“I guess it is” Daryl agreed, casting his mind back to the Walker shooting competitions he’d had with Jess and how cute he thought she looked when she laughed bashfully at something he’d said.

“But she has this boyfriend. He hates me. Jess said I should show her that I would be a better boyfriend by being a good friend to her. She said I should do that because friends make better lovers.”

Daryl’s eyebrows shot up and he stared at Carl. This was a revelation in itself; Jess apparently thought that friends made the best lovers. It wasn’t what Daryl was expecting at all and a small part of him dared to allow a flicker of hope in. If she thought him to be a good friend to her, maybe there was a reason for him to entertain the feelings he had developed for her. But he was still unsure of what they were exactly.

“Oh, she said that, huh?” He enquired

“Yup. But I asked her if that ever really happens, like, if it had ever happened to her.” Carl explained

“And has it?” Daryl questioned, a little too quickly and now leaning further towards him.

“She said no because she’s not the type of girl that guys want to date.”

It was interesting to say the least, Daryl never would have put Jess in such a box and the flutter of anger in his chest took him by surprise. He hated it when she sold herself short or put herself down, he just couldn’t see why she would, or why anyone would.

“Those guys would be idiots.” He mumbled to himself.

“That’s what I thought too. Jess is awesome.” Carl expressed.

Daryl nodded and caught the confused look on Carl’s face. It seemed Jess’s advice had done little other than to baffle him even more.

“I aint no expert on this, but maybe Jess is right.” He proposed

“Well, what would you do? Would you tell her?” Carl asked, now desperately digging for some kind of guidance to follow. Daryl wished he’d asked anyone else but him but if he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have gathered such information about Jess. The question he was faced with was a tough one and one he really did not want to answer when he applied it to his own situation and the potential it presented. He cleared his throat, shifted uncomfortably in his seat and sighed, a soft growl emerging from his throat. He wasn’t getting out of this without giving something up.

“Ahh probably not” He disclosed, taking a glimpse to his side. Carl’s whole attention was fixed on him, as if he were going to give him all the answers. But Daryl did have the answers to his own situation. “Alright, um…I guess I’d just be her friend. Treat her good, do right by her. See what happens”

It was all he could give at that point, his own lack of dating experience and zero knowledge about how women worked would have only served to hinder Carl even more.

“Okay.” Carl agreed “But what would I have to do to make her think I treat her good?”

“Hell, I dunno, Carl. Ask Jess, she’s a girl.” Daryl scoffed.

“Right. Sure. Thanks, Daryl.” Carl accepted, giving up probing for pointers when it occurred to him that Daryl maybe wasn’t as clued up on the subject as he’d thought. He Lifted Judith up and the child flopped like a ragdoll as sleep took her. "Here, she's been asking for you" Carl said as he lowered her into Daryl's lap. 

* * *

A mandatory meeting had been called for all members of the community and Deanna arranged for everyone that wasn’t out on a run or on guard to be there. She used her front porch as a stage to announce that she would be holding a party for the town. Not only to welcome the newest members to the safe zone, but also to create a sense of togetherness and allow people to enjoy some of the things they may have missed from the way things were before. Jess felt nothing but a rising sense of dread at the idea and when she sneakily caught sight of Daryl through the crowd, she could sense the same apprehension in him too. Driving home her belief in enjoying the little things to boost morale, Deanna expressed that she expected that everyone who could attend, did so. Jess couldn’t bash her leadership and genuine concern for the people under her watch, agreeing with most of what was said. Happiness was important, especially considering how little there was left in the world. But enforced fun wasn’t everyone’s preference and Jess had two days to decide what she was going to do.

When the meeting was dismissed, people filtered out every which way and Jess hung back, peering at the crowd from under her hood when she spotted Eric shuffling along a few feet from her. She wound her way around the people in front and walked along next to him, unaware that behind her, Daryl had rounded the entire crowd and was wandering along behind them.

“Hey Parker. So, what do you think? You’re going, right?” Eric chirped, nudging her in the arm.

“Huh. No.” She scoffed from beneath her mask.

“Parker! It’s a party! None of us have had a party for a very long time. Please, go with Aaron and I” he pleaded

She shook her head quickly, not wanting to have to discuss her reasons why in the middle of so many people.

“Please. I know Aaron will want you to.” Eric urged. Jess stopped and faced him in the sea of people that milled around them.

“I promise…” She started, Eric’s face lit up prematurely “…to think about it, Eric.”

He rolled his eyes and linked his arm through hers, directing her to his house, where he knew Aaron would have something to say about it when he got back from recruiting.

Seeing Jess amble away with her arm in Eric’s, Daryl spotted Rick heading back to the house and sped up to reach him. When Rick noticed his presence, he slowed his pace.

“Are you going?” He wanted to know.

“Nah. Ain’t my thing.” Daryl grunted. It really wasn’t. He’d felt like enough of an outsider at Alexandria as it was, preferring to spend his time outside the walls which so happened to be a blessing because Jess lived out there. The last thing he wanted to do was drop himself into a situation where he would be forced to make small talk with people he barely knew.

“Your thing doesn’t matter anymore. We should go. All of us.” Rick said sternly.

“I ain’t good at parties.” Daryl gruffed as he shoved his hands into his pockets like a moody teenager. 

“Daryl, you’re not good in any social situation. But we owe them this. We wouldn’t be living like we are now without Deanna, Aaron… and Jess. You should show your face at least.”

“Keep ya voice down.” He quickly hushed, looking around “She don’t want no one to her real name.”

“I know. Relax. No one can hear me. Hey…” he stopped and placed a hand on Daryl’s shoulder “… are you alright?”

“Yeah. M’fine.” Daryl brushed off.

_No. I have these damn weird feelings for my best friend and it’s fucking me up._

Usually able to see through any lies like a pane of glass, Rick studied Daryl’s eyes and concluded that there could possibly be something playing on his mind, but if he was forced, he would close up and never tell him. So, he backed off and told himself that Daryl would go to him when he was ready, if there really was anything that wrong.

“OK.” He accepted “Just, go to the party. Please It’ll do you good.”

“I’ll think ‘bout it.” Daryl grumbled before surging past Rick and climbing the steps to the front porch of the house.

* * *

Early the next morning, Daryl watched the sun rise from the window ledge in the living room. The birds started singing before anyone but the guards started to mill about the streets. He found himself restless and consumed with too many thoughts to sleep. Every time he lay down and tried to relax, his time in woods the previous night with Jess replayed in his memory. It was a strange notion to him that he would feel anything more than friendship towards anyone anymore, let alone allow himself to be so open with someone about how much he cared for them.

Movement from outside the window saw him look up and catch sight of Jess leaving the basement armory, pausing to strap a pistol holster to her leg at the top of the stairs. Her backpack was bulky and he remembered that It was the time she usually always went hunting. In order to do so, she never had a reason to visit Alexandria first and she certainly never felt the need to equip herself with a gun due to her proficiency with archery and her habitual use of a machete and knife. He got to his feet and plucked his leather vest from the coat stand by the door. Sliding it over his shoulders, he leaned down to collect his crossbow, checked he had his cigarettes and left the house.

In a deserted house at the end of the street, a mere ten houses away from Alexandria, Jess stood in front of a floor length mirror and clutched a red, skater dress with black, lace trim against her body. On the bed, lay her nearly empty backpack and next to it, a pair of high-heeled, black ankle boots. She turned slightly, tilting her head for a different perspective of how the dress might look on her. She’d dug it out of the storage garage, from one of the bags they’d brought back from the Cherokee Club. It was a designer dress but she cared little for such things in the first place, let alone now the world had ended.

Her eyes lowered to the hem of the dress and she knew she needed a second opinion on the length of it. Too short and she would look like a lampshade, too long and she’d appear far too conservative.

 _This god damn party._ She thought.

Then, something in the mirror caused her to grab her machete on her belt. A figure in the doorway. She whirled around and held up the huge blade, finding Daryl hovering in the doorway with his hands up in surrender.

“Easy” he soothed, noticing her increased breathing and panic slowly leaving her body.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” She sighed.

“Told the armory you were goin’ huntin’…this aint huntin’.”

“Are you serious? You’re checking up on me? What are you, my parent now?!” She adoped a mocking tone of voice “don’t go out on runs, Jess. Don’t lie about going hunting, Jess.”

“Just makin’ sure you’re safe” He reasoned.

_I’m annoyed at you but my god, you sweetheart._

“Can’t go anywhere without you.” She mumbled as she threw the dress down onto the bed. “Like a damn shadow”

Initially, he figured he was mad at him and thought he should just leave her to it, but then he realized she was only messing with him when she threw him a reluctant smile. He dug around in his pocket and threw a packet of peanuts at her. She caught them, thankful for the offer of a second breakfast and eagerly ripped them open, throwing one after the other in her mouth and giving him a thumbs up in thanks. He stepped into the room and leaned against the wall.

“Talked to Carl last night when I got back.” he mentioned. 

She hummed at him with her mouth full. At the time, it was the only way of her acknowledging his statement.

“Told me you’re helpin’ him out with Enid.”

She swallowed and ran her tongue around her teeth.

“Trying to.” She said “I’m hardly the oracle of love and relationships. Far from it actually. Take it he asked your advice too?”

“Mmhmm.”

“What did you tell him?”

“Same as you really. That he should be her friend. Treat her good. See what happens.”

“Not bad advice if I say so myself.”

“He wanted to know how to do that. I kinda told him he should ask you.” He shrugged like it was nothing.

“What?! Daryl! Why?” She exclaimed, flopping down onto the bed and blowing the front of her hair up in exasperation

“I dunno, you’re a girl!” He proclaimed. Jess threw her hands up, palms to the ceiling as if she was already completely lost.

“Last time I checked I was but I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. I know more about quantum physics than this stuff.” She fretted. It was true. Jess was by no means an expert on relationships and she had simply been trying to help a teenager experiencing his first episode of what was commonly known as the ‘school boy crush’. She didn’t see it as that serious, although she understood it was to him, and never expected things to get this far. If only she’d told the kid to keep his mouth shut.

“Well, what would you want if it was you?” Daryl tested. It was a risky move and one that could have backfired, but under the guise of helping Carl, Daryl could very well have been about to find out what Jess wanted from a friendship that could blossom into something more. For a few uneasy seconds, all he got back was a downright blank stare.

 _Help. Someone help me._ Jess thought. 

“Uh…” She stammered, her hands and arms were suddenly everywhere, tapping her leg, wringing in her lap, playing with the bracers on her wrists. “…I’d want somebody to make me feel like I was important. Like, um… they like being around me and make time for me. I’d want someone I can have fun with and doesn’t care about all my quirks and faults. Someone thoughtful and who’s rooting for me and takes care of me.” She swallowed hard and cursed herself for getting so flustered and not obscuring her burning cheeks with her mask. “If there was a chance of being more than friends, I guess I’d want to know that they find me attractive too.”

She slowly looked up at Daryl. He was looking right at her and hadn’t moved a muscle the whole time she was speaking.

“That’s exactly what you tell him.” Was all he said. To Jess, they weren't just talking about Carl and she wondered if there might be a flicker of the same intent in Daryl.

_I did. I just told him. I told you. Now, you know._

Jess just shook her head, becoming slightly irritated that she’d got herself into such a situation. “I don’t have the experience to give advice about this. I’ve never dated or had a relationship. It’s…it’s bullshit” She admitted.

“That ’cause you aint the type that guys date?” He shot at her. Her head snapped round and she gawped at him. Carl had told him that too?!

“That’s right” She confirmed through her teeth. “Probably my complete lack of allure.”

He moved further into the room, sitting next to her on the bed with his vision cast down at the floor.

“Most guys are idiots anyways” He said softly and she knew he was trying to make her feel better. If it was anyone else, she would have felt patronized and offended. But there was something in the way Daryl did it that set him apart from everyone else. “But any of ‘em would be lucky to have you.”

It was the sweetest thing she’d ever heard him say. The defensive side in Jess tried to make her believe he was just lying to save her feelings. That it was just a careless, throwaway comment that he didn’t really mean. But Daryl didn’t care for dishonesty just to give someone a confidence boost. He spoke to her in a way that was different to anyone else, he laughed with her, made time for her, made her feel important, was on her side and was fiercely protective of her. He ticked all the boxes and as he sat there beside her with his calloused hands on his knees, he became the first guy she’d ever liked to have said, and meant, something so profound to her. She wasn’t fool enough to believe he meant it as anything more than a friendly nudge to someone he cared about, but a smile crept across her face nevertheless and she watched him look at the floor, no doubt worrying about the reaction he was about to receive.

“Thank you” she whispered to him. He gradually met her gaze, seeing her wide grin. Satisfaction and relief washed over him. She’d taken it well and now she was aware that he thought a lot more of her than she gave herself credit for.

“Y’know…” He started “...I guess I aint the type of guy that girls date.”

There. It was out. He’d said it. Knowing her lack of history in the same department had given him a shove and urged him to offer up his own, very similar admission. Now her expression changed to one of puzzlement. He wasn’t getting out of this one without explaining himself.

“W-what?” She croaked, her eyebrows knitted together and her lips parted. “You’ve never had a girlfriend?”

“No”

“ _Why?!”_ She asked thoughtlessly, totally shocked and quickly realizing that if she didn’t tone it down, she could offend him. “I’m sorry. I mean…you’re…uh…” The hole she was digging for herself was growing rapidly by the second and all she could do to stop herself was to gesture to him with her hands, drawing two lines in the air from top to bottom. “…you.”

“What does that mean?” He smirked

“Just that you must have had interest.”

 _Nice. Good save, Jess._ She thought.

“Not really”

“C’mon, that’s a flat out lie. You _must_ have.”

On the inside, Daryl was fighting an internal war over whether he should just tell her the entire truth or just some of it. Her lack of judgement on the subject and his trust in her meant he had very little worry about being ridiculed or thought of as strange and if he couldn’t tell the closest person to him about such things, then what was the point in having her as a friend at all?

“OK, yeah. But mainly just strippers and barflies. Was never interested in that shit. There was a girl at high school too. And uh, and you don’t really wanna know all this.” He dismissed, suddenly hating the sound of his own voice.

“I do” She insisted. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me but I am curious”

Curious. She was curious about him and his past. No one had ever shown such interest in him before and the act of sharing such information felt totally alien and strange. But he loved the look of wonder and fascination in her eyes and he didn’t want it to stop.

“K. Um, was like she just came outta nowhere. Never seen her before. Started talkin’ to me in the hall one day. I was a loner, nobody ever talked to me. So, I thought she was pretty weird at first. Then, she started sittin’ with me at lunch n’ we started hangin’ out outside school.”

Jess was enthralled, her body now facing him with her leg bent under her on the bed. Her mouth was partially open, as if she’d forgotten to keep control over her facial expression because the story she was hearing was much more worthy of her attention. Mimicking her relaxed body language on the bed of the deserted house, with clothes littered on the floor and bloodstains on the walls, Daryl leaned back on one elbow and picked at a hole in the pink quilt cover as he spoke. Jess couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Everything had gone from extremely awkward, to totally relaxed and she wanted to sit there all day with him, she wondered if he would agree if she asked.

“We used to go to the liquor store, steal some booze n’ go get drunk in the park. I didn’t have no friends or nothin’, just Merle. So, it was good to have her around. Then she um, she kissed me n’ it just…fucked everythin’ up.”

She startled as if the last sentence had slapped her across the face. She blinked and made a rolling motion with her hands, urging him to finish the story.

“You can’t just leave it there! Why?” She demanded. “Did you not like her like that?”

“I did” He nodded “Yeah, I did. I just didn’t know what the hell I was sposed to do ‘bout it. Had no one to go to. Not like I was gonna ask Merle. Naw, this girl, she deserved better than me. So, I backed off n’ she got all upset n’ shit. After that, I tried to talk to her at school, but she just looked straight through me, like I wasn’t even there. Never spoke to her again. Never liked nobody since.”

There was a loud sigh from Jess, like she’d just finished watching the emotional end of a soap opera. She gave him a sympathetic smile and he dipped his head, huffing quietly and attempting to stop himself from feeling exposed and embarrassed about his most honest and revealing of stories. Jess wanted to tell him how gorgeous he was when he was shy, but she kept it to herself and the two of them remained in an uneasy quiet for a few moments until Jess managed to find something to say.

“I like it when you tell me stories.”

It was like he raised his head in slow motion a disbelieving look in his eye and his eyebrow slightly raised.

“Yeah?” He asked.

“Yeah” She responded. “As sad as that one turned out to be.”

“S’pathetic” He scoffed.

“No. No it’s not. What did she look like?”

To Jess’s delight, he scooted back further on the bed and brought his legs up, crossing them loosely in front of him. He was certainly getting comfortable, which she could only assume meant he had no plans to desert the discussion and leave her. However, her question seemed to bother him and she could tell he tried to answer by the breath he drew in and the parting of his lips. But he stopped and she heard the words catch in his throat. She toyed with the idea of telling him it didn’t matter, that she didn’t need to know, but she really did and her delay in speaking meant he eventually got there first.

“You. She looked like you.”

Her mouth dropped into an ‘O’ and she sat back, speechless.

“S’a compliment” He felt the need to add.

“It is!” She blurted out. “It…really is.”

Realizing she still had half a bag of peanuts next to her, she quickly picked them up and placed them on the bed between them, hoping that the gesture would distract him from her obvious shock. He simply glanced down at them before returning his focus to her face, the corners of his mouth lifted into a smug smile.

For some reason unbeknownst to her, Jess hazarded a flirtatious gesture that she executed without giving it a second thought. Maybe it was the confidence that him disclosing something so personal to him gave her, maybe it was the compliment that the one girl he liked in his life looked like her, or maybe it was just sheer mindlessness but the lopsided wink she shot at him couldn’t have gone down in a worse way and when she was right in the middle of it, she scolded herself for her sheer impulsivity.

Daryl stared at her before he released a laugh that he just couldn’t hold back anymore. Jess’s face burned with an inferno of regret.

“What was _that_?” He chuckled.

She covered her face with her hands, rocking back on the bed. Her head hit the dusty pillows and she groaned with the painful image of how it must have looked to him.

“I think I just had a stroke” She muffled through her hands, hearing his gravelly laugh once more.

She lifted her head back up and completely avoided his eyes. When he stopped laughing, he noticed how her face had reddened, much worse than he’d ever seen it before.

“You’re blushin’” He commented.

“Yeah, thanks for that.” She complained sarcastically, flicking her fingers at the bag of peanuts between them. “Eat some fucking peanuts and shut up.”

_This is awkward. So, so awkward. Why did I do that? WHY?!_

“So, you goin’?” He asked, aiding her with a change in subject

She knew he was referring to Deanna’s party and after her last embarrassing moment she was sure the whole thing was likely to be a disaster if she did attend. But she did promise Eric she would think about it.

“I don’t know. I don’t have anything to wear and I’m not good around that many people.”

“Same.” He agreed, happy that she shared the same anxiety as him.

“You’re not going?” She asked.

“Rick wants me to. Ain’t decided.”

“Eric wants me to go. For Aaron.” She mentioned with a roll of her eyes “I’ve not decided either. Nothing like being guilt tripped into unwanted social interaction.”

“Aint that the truth.” Daryl muttered before nodding to the discarded dress on the bed “you don’t like it?”

“I like it. It probably won’t like me. I’ll look stupid.”

He wanted to tell her it wouldn’t look anywhere near stupid. That in fact, he wanted to say it would look great on her but he couldn’t gauge the effect his words would have on her after such a deep exchange between them. She snatched the dress and boots and stuffed them into her backpack which lay on the bed.

“Just wear it” He instructed.

She stared at him, trying to read what he really meant with such a short, abrupt sentence. His tone was mixed and hurried and he rubbed at his slightly greying beard, looking away and then back again, obviously uncomfortable.

“What will you wear?” She wanted to know.

“Same thing I always do.”

“So, you _are_ going.”

“I dunno. Maybe I’ll go, if you do.” He proposed.

The light returned back to her face and she giggled, shuffling from the bed and collecting her bag. As much as she would have stayed there with him for hours, she had things to do if she was expected to attend a party wearing a dress for the first time since she was 6 and went to Chuck E. Cheese.

“I’d love to stay here and listen to you tell me another story, but I have things I need to do.” She said reluctantly.

“You got a mirror so ya can practice that wink?” He teased, grabbing the bag of peanuts and stuffing them in his mouth, smiling as he chewed. Jess stilled and glared at him with her mouth open.

“I hate you.” She told him.

He shook his head and chewed noisily. “Naw, you don’t.” He argued with his mouth full.

“Fine” She spat “I hate that I don’t hate you. See you at the party.”

With that, she stormed off, leaving Daryl chuckling quietly to himself. He watched her from the window as she left the house and crossed the street and it dawned on him that they’d been holed up in the bedroom of the house for almost an hour. The time had passed so quickly that it felt more like ten minutes. Time flew when he was with her because he could truly be himself and that was yet another reason why he just could not fathom why no one else had appreciated her like he could. She stopped at the side of the road and equipped her hood and mask and even though her disguise was on, Daryl knew who she really was. He also knew then that what he felt for her was teetering dangerously close to something more than a friendship. That was if it hadn't already tipped the balance. 

* * *

Back at Alexandria, Aaron was back from his recruiting run and was unpacking his truck in front of the house. It wasn’t unreasonable to assume that he had already been informed of the party by Eric and given a run down of how Jess refused to attend and then half-heartedly said she’d think about it.

As soon as Jess stepped through the gate, she spotted him and gripped the handle of her backpack at her shoulder. She pursed her lips, checked her mask was in place and set off in his direction.

“This stupid party” she grumbled with a stamp of her foot.

Aaron, who was dragging a bag out from the passenger seat, spun around with a bright smile on his face.

“You’re going?! Oh, that’s great!” he cried. Jess quickly held up an index finger, silencing him and maintaining control of the situation.

“No. No I didn’t say that.” She corrected sternly.

“OK” He laughed “Then what are you saying?” he flicked his head in the direction of his front porch and she followed after him when he moved towards it and dropped the bag on the steps.

“That I’m thinking about it. I have- I have issues.” She admitted.

“Issues?” he questioned

“What to wear. I’m not good at being a girl. I'm a crappy girl. I-I don’t know how to do the party thing and I have this dress. The last time I wore a dress I was six years old and I ripped it when I was running around Chuck E. Cheese like a maniac. Daryl thinks I should wear it but he’s a redneck biker so I need another opinion.”

Aaron didn’t bother to hide his amusement at her predicament and in a way, he’d almost expected it. He could tell from her usual attire that she wasn’t the princess type but for one night and one night only, he was sure that with the combined efforts of him and Eric, they could transform her and maybe even convince her to leave her mask out of the equation.

“A gay opinion?” he queried. 

“Two gay opinions" She requested "Please"

“Absolutely” He beamed. Come on in.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi All!  
> Thanks for sticking with this! It's still a struggle to concentrate but I finally have another chapter. Hope you enjoy :)

Aaron had been saying he was going to fix the creaky decking outside the front door of his house for months. His busy recruiting schedule and his role as general advisor and the person to aid Deanna in her decisions meant that he had very little spare time. When he did, he often pitched in at the vegetable patches or with supply runs. Not many of Alexandria’s residents were used to leaving the compound and some of them had never been outside of the walls. So, Aaron volunteered so the others didn’t have to.

Jess stood on the squeaky panel and exhaled through her teeth. She’d been standing in front of the door for around ten minutes, tied up in the decision of whether or not to attend the party after all. Aaron was graced with a glimpse of the dress and had given her his expert opinion that it was, in fact, the perfect length and that she didn’t have anything to worry about. But she still rammed the point home that it didn’t mean she was definitely going to attend.

Annoyed at the thought of being unable to remove her foot from the panel without alerting the occupants of the house to her presence, she shrugged her backpack off and pulled the zipper back, rubbing her thumb over the fabric of the dress. A make-up bag that she’d taken from the hotel supply run clunked to the bottom of the bag. She found it hard to believe that she’d even got that far, to the point where she was about to ask Aaron and Eric help her get ready for a party that was undoubtedly going to terrify her, all while wearing something she felt exposed and vulnerable in. However, it couldn’t be said that Jess shied away from change and progression, having survived for months alone on the outside and teaching herself a whole new set of skills. If she could do that, she could go to a stupid party.

She took a quick glance down at herself. Her heavy, knee high boots, her thick but tight jeans, her armored top, hooded jacket and her arms covered by archery bracers. This was how she was comfortable now; this was who she had become. She was never a dress wearing, social butterfly. But all she had to do was show up. Show up and show her face.

Eric let her in once she’d built up the courage to knock on the door and she saw Aaron emerge from the kitchen.

“Evening” she grunted at them both.

“Parker. You made a decision?” Aaron enquired, noting the backpack in her hand.

“Actually, I did.” She replied.

Reaching up with one hand, she took her hood down and pulled off her mask. Shaking her long dark hair free. Eric and Aaron’s faces drop with surprise and they swapped stunned glances.

“Anyone any good with make-up?” Jess asked nonchalantly

“Oh my god” Eric squealed, tapping Aaron’s arm

“Hi. I’m Jess.” She said with a small and nervous smile “nice to meet you.”

It was the first time either of them had ever seen her face. The persona she’d created to enable her to work inside Alexandria was now on its way out. No longer feeling the need to be nothing but a silhouette with one name, Jess felt she owed to Aaron and Eric to revel the truth in order to thank them for their unwavering kindness. Aaron slowly approached her and she noted the affection and pride in his eyes.

“I knew you were pretty under there” He stated.

“Jess.” Eric echoed “That’s your real name?”

“Yes. Jessica. Just call me Jess.” She confirmed. “Parker was my brother’s name”

“Why now?” Aaron asked

“We’re not wired to be alone” she whispered “you guys are good to me. You deserved to know the truth first. Besides, can’t go to this party wearing a mask. It doesn’t match my dress”

Both men appeared taken aback once more and Eric lowered himself down onto the arm of the couch.

“You’re not taking your mask to the party?” He questioned.

Aaron already knew the answer, she was done with being incognito and a mystery. Now, she was going to be Jess, she was going to be herself and he had a sneaking suspicion that a certain crossbow wielding archer had something to do with it.

“Didn’t you hear her?” He turned to Eric “She said it won’t match her dress” He grinned.

“You have a dress?!” Eric questioned. Aaron laughed and beckoned for Jess to hand over her backpack

“She has a dress.”

Make-up was another thing that Jess was not proficient at. A smidge of foundation and mascara were about the lengths she went to before the turn and in the apocalypse, she hadn’t expected to have to navigate the treacherous world of how much effort it took to be a girl. When Eric confessed to knowing a little about make-up due to his time working in theatre, she let him take control and trusted him not to turn her into a laughing stock. When he was done, she sat at the dining table in front of a mirror and studied the image of the girl staring back at her. Her blemishes were covered, her eyebrows shaped and her eyes larger, more defined with curled lashes. Her lips were tinted pink and her cheekbones more defined.

“Doesn’t look like me” She said under her breath.

“Yes, it does” Eric corrected “It’s just the enhanced version. You don’t like it?”

He picked up a pack of wipes from the table, poised and ready to rub it all off for her until she tilted her head to one side at her reflection in a pensive and tense pause. Behind them, Aaron stood with his hands on his hips, smiling down at her.

“Actually. I love it. Thank you.” She grinned as she pointed at the mirror “I have cheekbones”

“Mighty fine cheekbones they are too. You’re welcome.” Eric said, giving her shoulder a pat and collecting up scattered make-up items from the table. When he left the room, Aaron took a seat beside her and drummed his fingers on the table and leaning in to her to move her attention from her newly made-up face to him.

“Are you going to tell him?” He asked.

“Hmm? Tell who, what?” She answered with no clue what he was referring to

“Daryl. You like him.” He stated plainly.

Jess focused back on her make-up in the mirror and shifted her eyes to see Aaron meet her gaze in the reflection. She stared at him with suspicious eyes, where could this have come from? She’d not breathed a word to anyone. It was like he was a mind reader.

“I don’t like him. I mean, I do. But not like _that_ ” She divulged

“OK.” He chirped

“OK?” She repeated after not expecting her lie to be believed.

“Yeah, OK. You’ll come to me once the denial wears off.” He said, sitting back in his seat and crossing his arms. If his intuition was as good as Deanna always says it was, he could almost guarantee that she would give in and admit it if he just gave her space and didn’t push too much. The revealing of her face was a huge milestone and one that screamed ‘I trust you’ and so, Aaron thought himself to be the best person for the job. The job of pushing Jess to her next hurdle, admitting her feelings to the man she cared about.

Jess sighed deeply and looked down at her hands on the table. She swallowed and it felt like her throat had turned to sand. The painful truth of how she saw herself and the situation making it’s self known.

“I can’t ever tell him.” She whispered, not bothering to lie anymore. Her voice was so quiet, so broken that Aaron almost misheard her.

“Why not?” He questioned.

“He’ll never want me in that way.” She admitted sadly.

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do.” She turned to him “I’m not that girl, Aaron. I’m not pretty and smart and beautiful.”

“Jess, you might feel that way, like to everyone else you’re somehow below them. But you’re kind of a big deal around here. To Alexandria and it’s people, to Deanna, to me and Eric and yes, to Daryl… you’re all kinds of amazing.” He watched her face closely as her eyes lifted up to his. “You are your own worst enemy. You don’t have to be perfect to be strong and brave and beautiful. I see how you and Daryl look at each other, it’s just that little bit too long for you to just be friends.”

Jess felt like crying at the understanding and thoughtfulness with which Aaron had delivered his take on who she was and how she was seen. But it still wasn’t enough to convince her to absolve herself of the burden of her feelings for Daryl. She was convinced her telling him the truth would only wreck things and so far, their friendship had grown to a level that she treasured.

“You’ve been reading too many self-help books” she joked with a thin smile.

“Maybe. But at least I know a persons worth.” He stood up and placed his hands on her shoulders over her Kevlar vest “I don’t want hear you say anything like that again. You’re a badass. You hear me?”

“I hear you” she giggled.

* * *

With Aaron on one arm and Eric on the other, Jess sucked in a deep breath and grounded herself when Eric rang the doorbell to the huge, white, corner plot house that Deanna lived in. Inside, she could hear the bustling of a crowd of people, along with quiet music and chatter. In the grounds, some people smoked and wandered, the inside not having the capacity to hold everyone from the town. It hadn’t been easy to get her there and Eric and Aaron were expecting to have to drag her inside kicking and screaming. After two failed attempts to convince them to let her wear her usual clothes and stay for half an hour, they’d endured a meltdown over her shoes and what felt like seven million requests to assure her that her dress was not too short.

Jess drummed her fingers on both legs and soon felt both Aaron and Eric lower their hands to stop her when the door opened and Deanna stepped into view. She beamed at the two men and regarded Jess as if she were a stranger for a moment. It wasn’t until she stepped closer that her face lit up in surprise and she gently placed her hands on either side of Jess’s face.

“Oh my” She gasped “Parker?!”

She didn’t know what gave away her identity, she looked nothing like the machete wielding, hooded and masked archer of regular days. Maybe it was her arrival flanked by the supportive presence of Aaron and Eric that gave the game away. Or, maybe it was Deanna’s intuition alone.

“M-my name is Jess.” Her words felt they were too complicated to voice but there they were, in a stuttered mess and tumbling out with no control. “Not Parker. Parker was my brother…Uh, Hi”

Deanna stepped back enough to be able to see all of her with a wide grin. If she was shocked, she hid it well and came across as simply happy to be able to see who Jess really was.

“Hi, Jess. It’s so nice to finally see that face of yours and to know your real name” She told her sincerely.

“Thought you deserved to know who I am. You’ve been good to me.” Jess told her.

“Not as good as you have been to us.” Deanna felt the need to point out.

It wasn’t a secret that Jess’s hunting and security sweeps were paramount to the community and more recently, she’d been helping with supply runs. It hadn’t gone unnoticed by Deanna that she appeared to be involving herself more and becoming less and less of an outcast. Her lack of mask at the party was a victory in itself.

“Please” She beckoned “Come in. enjoy yourselves.”

“I brought two dates.” Jess blurted out of nowhere “Guess men are like busses. Wait for one and then two come along at once. What’s a girl to do, huh?”

Deanna simply blinked and ignored the comment and Eric looked over at his partner behind Jess’s back and gave him a perturbed frown.

“That was weir -” He whispered.

“-Shh!” Aaron hissed.

* * *

Daryl stood with Carol, Glenn and Abraham and made no attempt to join in with the chatter. On several occasions, Glenn had tried to encourage him to have a beer only to be met with a curt dismissal and the notion that he really was not in the mood.

Jess’s arrival was met with a double take by Daryl. The first thing he picked up on was her lack of a mask, her true identity out there for all to see. Rick and Michonne hugged her and quietly communicated their happiness at her decision to show the rest of Alexandria who she was. People she didn’t know too well wandered past and shook her hand and she nervously told each and every one of them her real name, shedding her previous guise with each and every acknowledgement that she was, in fact, the notorious Parker. Only by the time she’d reached the buffet table, grabbed a handful of potato chips and returned to the protective wing of Aaron, Parker no longer existed.

The second thing he clocked was her attire. Her dark red dress cinched in her waist and showed off her curves. He found himself biting down on his lower lip and letting out a long breath as he watched people move in a conveyor belt like fashion to her, Jess accepting compliment after compliment and smiling politely when underneath it all, he knew she was screaming. Soft, dark curls rested on her shoulders and she’d never looked so feminine and elegant. It wasn’t entirely who she was, he recognized that much but try as he might, he just could not dislike what he was seeing. For the first time in as far back as he could remember, he found his attraction was of more of a sexual nature than he had realized. Moreover, he was beginning to face the fact that a dark red, shapely dress was not where it had started at all.

“Excuse me, folks, I have serious business with this here woman” Abrahams voice interrupted Daryl’s admiring of his best friend and sent a stab of anger through him.

Jess spotted the big, red-headed man through the crowd and instantly went to him, allowing him a short hug that he quite obviously tried to prolong by clinging to her a little too tight. When she coaxed him away from her, she caught sight of Daryl just past his shoulder. He nudged his head up at her in acknowledgement and she gave him a small wave, conservative and simple. He mirrored her, surprised she was even there, despite her telling him she would be, and happy about it nevertheless.

Abraham gave Jess a once over, carefully taking in every bit of her and her outfit from head to toe.

“Well, ain’t you a peach?” He grinned “What do you say we uh, ditch this joint and make a little fun of our own?”

No matter how happy the sight of Jess made Daryl, Abraham’s shameless flirting managed to chip away at him. He hated the way she giggled and laughed at him, the playful way she slapped his arm and told him to stop. To the outsider, they looked like a new couple and that bothered Daryl. He moved closer, a morbid curiosity about what was being said. Aaron stood dutifully by Jess’s side and handed her a drink which looked like orange juice, but she looked down at the rippling, carroty liquid in the glass and sniffed it before she took a sip. A grimace spread across her face and she dipped her head, spitting the mouthful of drink back into the glass and quickly checking her surroundings for anyone that could be looking her way. She sneakily turned her body and then poured the rest of the drink into a plant pot behind her and clutched the empty glass as if she’d drank every last drop. Unbeknownst to her, Daryl was witness to it and it almost made him laugh out loud.

_She’s adorable._

“You know she has a bow?” Abraham was rambling at Aaron and gesturing wildly at Jess.

“Uh, yes, I do know that.” Aaron replied.

“Ahh, a decent weapon of choice. You live by it; you die by it… and eat potato puffs by it. Pray to God you don’t have to use it again. Pray to God you don’t get used to not using it again. It’s on your back… even when it’s off your back. Hmm.”

Jess swapped an uneasy glance with Aaron. How could he be so drunk already? The party started less than an hour ago.

“Abe, how many drinks have you had?” she enquired.

“I am a very large man. I have had many beers to make up for that.” He slurred as he gave his stomach a rub and swallowed a burp. “What? I’m livin’, darlin’! You wanna live a little with me tonight?”

Jess rolled her eyes and giggled, along with Aaron, who was finding the whole exchange rather bizarre.

Daryl kept to the sidelines, next to Carol who wasn’t unaware of where his concentration was focused. She plucked a bottle of beer from the table beside her and handed it to him but he failed to notice while he was too busy glowering at Abraham belly laughing with Jess across the room. Carol nudged his arm and a restrained flinch told her he’d been snapped out of his thoughts. He peered down at the beverage in her hand and shook his head.

“Already told Glenn, I aint drinkin’.”

“Why?” She pressed.

“’Cause I’m a shitty drunk.” He grumbled.

“Daryl, take the beer and relax.” She scolded, extending her arm further.

“Can’t.” He grunted, lifting his eyes back to Jess and Abraham. Carol followed his vision and nodded. Now, it made sense.

“Because Jess looks very beautiful and you can’t stop staring at her.” She stated bravely, adopting a bright smile and a smug glint in her eye. It was likely that he would go from zero to a hundred on the bad temper scale in seconds, but his moody nature didn’t scare her, she probably knew him best out of everyone and at times, could read him like a book. On this occasion, she was seeing something she’d never seen before, but she knew exactly what it was; Daryl had a crush on Jess. He turned his head to her, blinked a couple of times and without a word, snatched the beer from her hand and took a gulp so big half of the liquid was gone in one mouthful.

“No.” He argued. “Just hate parties.”

“So, you don’t think she looks beautiful?” She continued; aware she was treading on thin ice but enjoying the risk anyway. She was bold enough to enjoy poking at Daryl’s temper, knowing he would always forgive her and usually took jest in his stride.

“Didn’t say that.” He muttered under his breath.

“Maybe you should go tell her.” She suggested.

“What are ya doin’, Carol?” he demanded, feeling his temper being tested.

“What? I see things.” She said innocently.

“You don’t see shit. We’re friends.”

Not only was Rick dropping hints, Carol was charging in with her two cents like a bull in a china shop. Daryl felt like everyone could read his mind, like his innermost thoughts were being sent out in a daily memo and it was getting tedious. He wouldn’t be pushed into anything by anyone, especially if it would jeopardize the most precious relationship that he’d ever had with anyone. He’d told Jess he didn’t want to lose her again and that was a good enough reason to keep his thoughts to himself.

“Oh, OK. I still think you should tell her she looks nice. Friends do that, you know.” Carol suggested before breezing through the crowd and cheering a polite greeting to a woman that lived in the house across the street from them.

Needing to be preoccupied away from the alluring curves of his friend and her drunken admirer, Daryl decided to see what the buffet table had to offer and stood before it, clueless when he scanned the many trays of apocalyptic canape’s. Shrugging, he selected one from the nearest tray, some kind of creamy substance wrapped in something green. He held it up between his thumb and forefinger and squinted at it.

_The hell is that? Why don’t these people eat real food? Could have cooked up a stew or somethin’._

All too aware that she’d spent longer talking to Abraham than the one man she really did want to have a conversation with, Jess smiled when she spotted Daryl throwing random snacks into his mouth and appearing disgusted by every single one. She excused herself and took a quick walk past the drinks table. She selected a beer and set off in his direction with no idea what she was planning to say to him. Then, it didn’t even matter anymore, when she swerved to avoid another party goer and her heart jumped into her throat. Falling off her heels, she was plummeting backwards and the ceiling was in her field of vision, one of her legs raising up while the other lost it’s grip and all at once she’d accepted her fate; she was going to end up on the floor with her underwear on show, right in front of Daryl.

Abraham reacted extremely quickly for someone so full of beer and in seconds, his arms were under hers and he’d propped her back up on her feet, his hands still holding her waist.

“Easy! Looks like I get my consolation prize after all!” He roared with laughter. “Someone’s a cheap date.”

The smile plastered on Jess’s face couldn’t have been more fake. Her hands were shaking and her heart was pounding. She may not have hit the floor, but the scene was enough to draw the glances of almost half of the room.

_Stupid fucking heels._

At that point, staying in the room was no longer an option. Jess needed an escape and raced through the house to the back door like a bat out of hell. Before he could even ask if she was alright, she thudded her beer on the buffet table and shot past Daryl, who had his mouth full with food he hated and had just had to endure Abraham catching the girl he liked as if it were something from a romantic comedy. He wished he was sat on the porch reading to Judith. He wished he was anywhere else but there, but Jess being with him would have been ideal.

Outside, the air was biting now night had fallen and Jess could see her breath but she cared very little if she died from hypothermia in that moment, in fact she welcomed the sweet release of death that would inevitably spare her from the scathing embarrassment she was experiencing. Aaron was hot on her heels the whole time and when she finally stopped pacing up and down the back porch, he held up his hands to halt her.

“Did you see that? I almost died.” She snapped.

“Well, that’s a little dramatic. You just fell.” He said, playing down the event.

“I can’t walk in these heels… they’re-they’re dangerous, who the hell even wears these death traps?! They’re like Stilts. _Stilts!_ I was lucky, that could have been a whole lot worse. I mean, what if Abe didn’t catch me in time?” She rambled at a wide-eyed Aaron. “There would have been panties on show and everything! Maybe I should take the boots off”

She lifted a leg and attempted to maneuver around her foot to the zipper on her boot. Hopping around on the spot and swaying dangerously close to falling over again, Aaron took hold of both of her arms and steadied her.

“Leave the boots on, Jess” He instructed. “Chill. Everything’s fine.”

“My ass is cold.” She declared. “This dress is too short. I think I have a zit, too. Do I have a zit? Look, can you see it? It’s right there”

She jutted her chin out at him and pointed to an empty space that contained nothing but make-up and flawless skin.

“No. Will you relax? Please?” Aaron sighed. Her level of anxiety was now through the roof and no amount of soothing was going to help her. It was time to leave her to her own devices and hope she managed to calm herself. “Just, take a minute.”

“Let me stay here a while and people watch. I’ll come back in when I’ve gotten amnesia and the last few minutes have been wiped from my memory.” She pleaded. She was certain that some time without the pressures of a confined space and so much small talk would do her good.

“Ok, I’ll be just inside if you need me.” He assured her with a gentle squeeze of her arm.

Through the glass of the back door, Daryl could see Aaron’s failed efforts to quell Jess’s obvious discomfort. Once the coast was clear and he was sure she was alone, he set off in pursuit of her and discovered that she was slowly sashaying back and forth, nibbling on her thumbnail and shivering. When she turned to embark on another lap of the decking, she watched him step outside and slowly wander over to her. He looked apprehensive and held two beers in one hand with the other pushed into his jeans pocket. His hair looked slightly styled, straighter and neater than usual and she could clearly see his eyes, now not obscured by the usual messy waves of the front of his hair.

_Oh shit. I don’t like him. I don’t like him. I don’t like him._

“Hi”

_I like him._

“Hi. Welcome to the introvert side of the party.” She quipped sarcastically.

He lifted his shoulders, acknowledging the cold and how it nipped at his skin and held out the hand that contained the two, glass beer bottles laced between his fingers.

“Left it on the buffet table.” He reminded her, only receiving a lift of the corner of her mouth in thanks. She lifted it to her lips and swallowed a mouthful.

His breath billowed out in white clouds and he furrowed his brow. She had stopped walking around and was now stationary and trembling, hugging her torso. Daryl pulled his hand from his pocket, touching her arm with the back of his fingers.

“Fuck, Jess. Ya freezin’.” He remarked, seemingly shocked by her need to be outside in such cold temperatures because it was easier than being inside with other people who were all huddled in their groups, talking about the girl who forgot her mask and nearly ended up on the floor. He turned and vanished back through the door, returning seconds later holding a Navy-Blue coat. He took a step closer to her and she could feel his breath on the side of her face, he draped the coat over her shoulders and paused. Her gaze flickered to her left, where his eyes met hers and he could see their deep blue hue through her darkened eyelashes. Jess wasn’t sure how long he stood there with his line of vision darting from her eyes to her mouth but she did have the sight of his enthralled face imprinted into her memory. He licked his lips, cleared his throat and drew the lapels of the coat around her, crossing them at her front to keep her warm and finally, he moved back.

_Ugh. Daryl! Stop being so perfect._

“Whose jacket is this?” she asked.

“I dunno.”

“Daryl!” She exclaimed “you just stole somebody’s jacket!”

“Aint like they’re usin’ it. Ya gonna freeze to death out here.” He argued.

She chuckled at him and he briefly checked inside to make sure no one was looking for the coat. Having to take it off her again wouldn’t have gone down well for him and his effort be chivalrous and protective.

“So, whatcha doin?” He questioned, already knowing the answer from having seen everything through the back door. But he wanted to be near her, to talk to her, she was the only reason he had turned up, after all. Rick’s disappointment at his absence, he could handle. But giving up an opportunity to see Jess just didn’t make sense and now he’d seen her in a dress, he was glad about the choice he’d made.

“Honestly? Hiding.” She admitted.

“Thought so. Kinda intense in there, huh?” he mused. It was something they both had in common, the dislike for big, social events and being made to attend when it provoked nothing but unease and resentment.

“Don’t know what to do with myself.”

“Yeah” He huffed “same. Glenn’s tryin’ to get me drunk. Say’s it’ll ‘wind me down’. I’ma wind him down if he keeps on.”

When they both released breathy laughs, there was an instant of pure peace around them which Daryl wished he could have prolonged before she placed a hand on the rail of the porch and they entered into a long and awkward silence. She deliberately kept her vision cast out to the back yard, where she could barely see anything but it was all she could do to avoid staring at him and his scrubbed-up appearance. Daryl dragged his eyes over her body, her shapely legs in heels, her long eyelashes and accentuated cheekbones.

 _Trouble never looked so damn fine._ He thought.

“Well, here she is!” Came Abraham’s booming voice through the door “She’s wearin’ my jacket! If that aint a sign I don’t know what is!” He thudded over to Jess and hung a big arm around her shoulders. “You comin’ home with me, sweetheart?”

“Only to help Rosita kick your ass.” Jess laughed, noting Daryl’s stony face.

 _‘He’s a little drunk’_ She mouthed to him.

“Can see that.” Daryl grumbled, stepping aside so Abraham could steer Jess back into the house, tucked under his arm like a prize.

Finding herself to be the topic of most conversations at the party, Jess was beginning to feel like a monkey in a zoo once all of the partygoers realized that she was the masked hunter of the town that never showed her face. To her annoyance, yet more people introduced themselves to her, shook her hand and spoke of how good it was to be able to see who she was. Jess couldn’t have disagreed more and in part, she regretted the decision to turn up in anything other than what she would normally wear. She could hide in her hood and behind her mask and still keep up the same façade that had protected her for so long. Now, she had to make small talk and mingle with the locals as if it came naturally, which it very much did not.

With Abraham in pursuit of more beer and Daryl apparently still skulking around outside on the back porch, Jess happened to end up alone. That was, until two well-presented brunettes and a blonde woman who Jess knew to have two young sons cornered her and set off on a rambling speech about how their kids had referred to Jess as ‘The lady’ since she arrived and she’d always been a mysterious figure to them that they swapped stories about and admired. She couldn’t think of the correct way to react and so spent a lot of time fake smiling and nodding until she spotted Carol walk past and hoped with everything that she had that she would save her from the nightmare that was chit chat with someone she hardly knew. When she didn’t, Jess was conscious of the fact that she’d been stood there for a good ten minutes and hadn’t spoken a single word. Worried she was coming across as ignorant, she was forced to come up with something herself and began to search her mind for a topic of interest when the atmosphere grew quiet and expectant.

“Did you know that the gestation period of Prion Disease, that’s what you get from eating human flesh, is ten years? I mean, that’s a long time when you consider that most diseases are only like 30 days. With the exception of some strains of Malaria that can incubate for up to a year. Then, there’s the side effects. Hooh! Not nice. Tremors, Dementia, hallucinations. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather starve!”

The blonde woman, whose name completely escaped Jess, blinked a couple of times and peered back at her with wide eyes while the two others looked away and pretended to find their drinks more interesting.

“Jess?” Carol cut in from behind her, having heard the tragic attempt at conversation. She cringed and just had to intervene to save Jess as well as the well-meaning woman and her friends that had just received and earful about the perils of eating other human beings.

“Hmm?” Jess hummed, oblivious to the fact that she’d just garnered herself a reputation as not only a little strange, but also as an expert on diseases.

“What are you doing?” Carol asked under her breath and away from any listening ears.

Jess sighed and pushed her lips into a thin line. “I’m really bad at small talk in social situations”

“I can see that. Let me handle this.” Carol offered, saving Jess the embarrassment of having to run through the gestation periods of any more diseases as gap fillers due to her lack of confidence with small talk.

Like a social butterfly, Carol adopted her best, polite voice and informed the small group that she would be borrowing Jess and apologized for interrupting them. Marching her out into the hallway, Carol asked if Jess was alright and was told that her time mingling with the locals had come to an end. She expressed her thanks for the much-needed rescue, retrieved a front door key from Eric and headed out of the house, turning in for the night and putting the party’s events behind her.

* * *

When she stopped at the bottom of the front porch steps and tugged off her heels, she heard footsteps on the decking but didn’t bother to turn around and check who they belonged to. By then, she’d had enough, her energy was sapped and she just wanted to crawl into a bed and sleep so she could wake up the next day and be herself again.

The dirt under her bare feet was ice cold and she rapidly tiptoed across to the grass verge that ran along the front of the houses. The footsteps were now following her and she had a pretty good idea of who they belonged to with even having to check.

“Why are you following me, Stinky?” She asked haughtily, taking a quick peek at him over her shoulder. He was strolling along, fingertips in his pockets and matching her pace.

“I aint. Just takin a walk.” He replied. Noticing the goose pimpled flesh of her forearms, he slid his leather vest off and tapped it on her shoulder. “Here”

She stopped and looked down at the garment in his hand, allowing him to reach around her and drop it onto her shoulders.

“Thanks. You’re quite the gentleman tonight.” She pointed out.

“Pfft. Hardly.” He mumbled.

She clutched onto the front of the vest with her hands and lowered her head, resuming walking and letting the leathery, smoky odor fill her head. The smell of Daryl. The journey was a short and wordless one with neither of them feeling the need to fill the quiet with wasted words. They’d both spend their time at the party doing just that and for both of them, it was a relief to finally just be around the one person that understood.

Stopping at the bottom of the steps at Aaron and Eric’s porch, Jess handed Daryl his vest back and evaluated his mood. For someone that had been trapped out of his comfort zone just like her, he seemed relaxed and reasonably content.

“So, you decided to take a walk at the exact moment I left. It’s a party, Daryl. People will think we’ve gone home together” She expressed

She didn’t know what she was saying or why, but it was, without a doubt bordering on flirtatious and it had been plucked from nowhere, like someone else was saying it and she was watching on in horror.

“Don’t give a shit what those people think.” He leaned on the pillar with his arm above him observing Jess settle on the top step of the porch and rub at the soles of her feet. “Hey” He said gently, causing her to glance up at him. “Thought ya said ya didn’t have no ties to nobody”

“I don’t.” She answered as coolly as possible

_Except you._

“Seem pretty close to Abe. Throwin’ yaself into his arms like that”

She wasn’t sure if it was a dig, something that had bothered him so much that he felt the need to address, or simply a mocking observation which the half smile on his face alluded to. Wanting to avoid lowering the mood, she copied his expression and decided to take the less tedious option.

“I fell off my stupid shoes. I didn’t ‘throw myself’ at anyone.” She used her fingers to emphasize the quoting of his words as a message that she’d heard what he meant, loud and clear. “Why do you even care who’s arms I end up in?”

Daryl bit down on his lower lip to stop himself from speaking before thinking. Being comfortable in her presence meant he found it easier to talk to her and tell her things than anyone else. But there were some things that would have opened a can of worms.

_Because it should have been me._

“No reason” He told her. “You enjoy the party?”

It was an odd question, and one that she thought had an obvious answer, but she suspected he’d asked it purely to detract from the previous subject.

“Let me see. I fell of my shoes, told three random women all about what happens if you eat too many humans and spent more time outside on the back porch freezing my half naked ass off than inside with everyone else. So, no. I hated it. Did you?”

His shoulders juddered slightly as his amusement at her run down of the night became apparent. With every passing moment that she witnessed his shy, half smile, she liked him that little bit more and crushed on him that little bit harder.

“Naw. Not my thing.”

“At least we have that in common.” She remarked.

He was still leaning on the post of the front porch with one arm raised above him, his defined muscles exposed by his lack of sleeves and a small, demon tattoo caught her interest in his inner bicep. He sighed and scanned the street, and Jess cringed when she noticed the blonde woman from the party ushering her two young boys into their house. She counted herself lucky that she was sitting in the darkness of the porch and Daryl standing in front of her obscured her from any passing eyes. She waited for the woman to vanish from view and looked back up at Daryl, catching him skimming his eyes over her bare legs and up to her face.

“Ya took of the mask.” He stated, catching her off guard with the subject. She knew he’d be pleased about her lack of disguise. He’d made it crystal clear that he was not a fan of her mask from the start.

“Yeah, I owed it to Aaron, Eric and Deanna” She disclosed.

Shifting his arm above him, he started to gently jab his forefinger into the wooden structure, an absent-minded motion that signified he was thinking something over, much like when he chewed his bottom lip.

“Can’t believe how different you look” He expressed.

Jess couldn’t believe it either, when she’d seen her reflection when Eric was done with her make-up, she could have sworn it was a different woman looking back at her.

“I know, right, Eric is great with Make-up!” She chirped.

“Naw, I mean in general. Compared to the quarry” He corrected, seeing her pause and nod knowingly to herself.

“That a good thing?” She wanted to know. There were various occasions that she would have given just about anything to be able to see into Daryl’s mind and find out what he was really thinking. How he really saw her. But having to rely on his heavily veiled words was all she had to go on.

“Nothin’ wrong with ya either way.” He told her. “Y’know, if ya hide behind a mask for so long, you forget who ya are underneath it.”

“I know who I am” She tried to convince him. In truth she was getting there, getting back to the old Jess and if all her recent, embarrassing misdemeanors were anything to go by, she was doing extremely well.

“Naw, you’re still figuring it out.” He said, aware of exactly what was happening with her sense of self her “But I know you”

He lowered his arm and crossed the steps, now leaning his side on the railing in front of her. Having climbed a couple of the steps, he was mere inches from her and his close proximity set her heart racing. What was he doing? Why was he so close, leaning over her and sucking his bottom lip into his mouth? The faint smell of leather wafted into her senses on the breeze and she took a deep breath and collected herself.

“You think you know me? You think you know what goes on in here?” She asked, tapping her temple. “There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me.”

“Oh yeah? What kind of things we talkin’ bout here?” He enquired with what appeared to be great interest.

“Things I don’t give up easily” Jess admitted. There was, in fact, a lot he was still yet to find out. Holding back had come naturally to her after being hurt in the first place, she’d let out trickles of information, but not enough for anyone to take it and really know the real her.

Daryl was in dangerous territory and his jumbled thoughts and clammy palms were telling him as much. He was very close to her and so far, his restrained choice of phrases had kept him safely in the friendship zone. But in the last few days his feelings had grown and morphed into something he didn’t quite understand and that set him on edge, but standing over her while she wore her red dress with her loose curls and blushed pink lips, he was seeing her in a different light altogether. It wasn’t just her appearance, it was the conversations they’d had, the connection they’d forged and the trust they’d built. It was how she laughed with him and teased him and how she yielded and agreed to remove herself from the danger of long supply runs because he told her he cared about her. Then, there was how she was around him, her blushing at a compliment and him catching her checking him out. He didn’t like to assume, but he wouldn’t have been disappointed to know that she still had a crush on him.

“So, you gonna tell me what I gotta do to find out more ‘bout you?” He smirked at her.

_Shit. I think… I’m flirting with her._

Jess had no idea what to say. Her mind went completely blank and she dragged a hand through her hair, pulling it back and letting it cascade in waves from the crown of her head. A curl lodged its self in the edge of her lip gloss, but she didn’t feel a thing.

“Um...I…don’t know the answer to that.” She admitted. She was nervous, flustered and surprised but still displayed a bashful and pleased smile on her lips.

Yes, it was all those things that were the reasons why his feelings were different. Those, and the big, blue eyes that were peering up at him expectantly, it gave him the self-assurance to proceed the way his heart was telling him to, but with a great deal of caution. He leaned down to her, using the back of a finger and tenderly removing the strands of hair from her lips and returning to his previous stance.

“Maybe you should think ‘bout it n’ let me know.”

She was frozen. Not just from the cold but from the altogether unexpected change in his behavior. She didn’t hate it. Far from it, she was enjoying every single second, if only she knew what to say. “Um. Okay. I will” She whispered.

Aware that any further flirtatious comments were likely to send her fleeing into the house in confusion, he backed up to the pathway and rubbed his chin.

“You uh…you look really nice tonight” he said.

_Alright. That was good. I got this. I should have done this sooner._

It was a simple sentence, just a few words strung together and delivered with such sincerity that it was a massive deal to Jess and she was so busy trying to process it that she couldn’t control what her face was doing. Her mouth dropped open in bewilderment. Daryl would have been the first to admit that he didn’t know the first thing about complimenting women and had never done so in the past. However, his flicker of self-doubt was extinguished when he bore witness to the eventual, genuinely delighted grin on her face and the tuneful giggle that followed.

_ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW, DIXON?! Where the hell did that come from?_

“Thank you, Daryl.” She smiled sincerely from a deeply reddened face. “Before you point it out, because I know you want to, I already know that my face is as red as ketchup on fries.”

He laughed at her ability to poke fun at herself and Jess thought it was a genuine and relaxed sound and one she’d never seen him reveal with anyone else but her.

“G’night, Jess.” He rasped as he backed along the path and turned to walk away.

There was something she wanted to say. Something that would prove to him that she could take risks of her own. If he could dish out compliments to her, then she wanted to do the same. She quickly thought it over, deciding she would put it down to a joke if it tanked, and went for it.

“Goodnight, handsome.” She called out in the most confident voice she could manage. To her own ears, it was delivered well enough and in the split second after she’d said it, she found that she didn’t regret it, especially when she saw him look over his shoulder at her and shake his head, glancing back a couple of times with a grin.

* * *

Inside Aaron and Eric’s house, Jess flopped down on the couch. Her head was bustling with memories, thoughts and all sorts of ways she could possibly explain Daryl’s change in how he spoke to her. That, and the knowledge that her risk hadn’t blown up into a huge mistake for once. In fact, he took it well and she thought that he couldn’t have looked sexier as he walked away, trying and failing to hide his wide smile.

“That was… _flirting.”_ She said to herself “ _He flirted with me.”_

For the next hour, she tried to muster the motivation to move, to take herself to bed and let sleep clear her mind ready for the next day. But on the couch, she remained, chattering to herself inside her own head and asking questions that would go unanswered.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the love once again! Here's another chapter! Little bit of everything and setting up for some lovely, fluffy stuff to come.

The next morning brought with it the promise of rain and a mist that had descended over the woodland surrounding Alexandria that made it both hard to track and see anything in the distance. Jess exercised her morning hunt and Walker elimination with extreme caution, although the party the night before had attracted unwanted attention from the undead due to the humdrum of noise and light from Deanna’s house. The numbers of animals were still thinning and she found a need to expand the area she usually covered.

With her mask and hood equipped, she decided to check Enid’s usual spot for any signs of life before she headed further out into the woods. Eventually, she found her conscientiousness paid off when she came across the girl where she was normally sitting, in a hollowed-out tree that doubled up as an ideal hiding spot from Walkers. She was reading and her head snapped up unexpectedly when she was stirred by the sound of Jess cracking a twig beneath her boot. A rookie error when in stealth mode.

Enid quickly began to shove her book back into her backpack and scramble to her feet, using the trunk of the tree for stability. Jess held out her hands to halt her.

“Woah, it’s OK. It’s just me.” She said.

Enid regarded her with suspicion and began to loop her arms back through the backpacks handles, soon settling it just below her shoulder blades. She took an obvious step forwards, but then changed her mind and retreated back to the hollow of the tree.

“I-I was just heading back.” She stammered.

“No, you weren’t.” Jess countered “But it’s okay. You know you can stay within the boundaries we talked about. You’re fine here.”

Enid was partially hiding behind a curtain of long, brown hair and kept her head low, as if she was afraid of someone being able to see who she was, what she was thinking and what she was all about like she wore it across her forehead. Jess could relate.

“It’s not about the boundaries.” Jess stated knowingly with a small nod. “You want to be left alone.”

She didn’t need a reply or a confirmation either way, it was written all over what she could see of the girl’s face. Being outside helped her to feel something. Anything. It made her feel alive. The walls were imposing and prison like, boxing her in and making her complacent when she thought about the world outside.

“I get it. Stay. If you want. This side is clear of Walkers so you’re safe enough. For now.” Jess informed her. “Just, don’t stay out here too long. I’ll be around so I’ll check on you in thirty minutes or so.”

Jess, having laid down the law and done her parenting duties for the day, turned on her heel and set off for the hunt. She was reasonably satisfied that Enid would be safe enough until she returned. After all, the girl was probably out there more than she was when she really thought about it.

“Parker?” Came a small voice from behind her, cutting through the air like a songbird, soft and innocent.

Jess stopped and turned around blinking with the realization that Enid was quite possibly the only one that didn’t know her real name yet. Her absence at the party meant she’d missed the drama and revelations. Jess gently flipped her hood back and nuzzled out of her mask, seeing Enid’s eyes widen slightly.

“Please, call me Jess. Parker is my brother’s name.” She smiled

Enid moved closer, shrugging her black backpack further onto her shoulder. She studied Jess’s features and scanned the rest of her while she had her locked in her sights.

“Why lie about your name?” She asked.

“Same reason you like to come out here and read, all alone.” She answered confidently “Anonymity. Privacy. Peace.”

The young girl seemed to understand and nodded with a small smile. Nothing else needed to be said when there was a mutual comprehension between them both. Jess had been keeping an eye on Enid for as long as she'd lived at the fairground. She needed the freedom of being able to leave for her own sanity and she also had no one behind the walls to tell her otherwise. She spoke to Aaron, who cast a watchful eye over her when he could, but on the outside, Jess made sure she came to no harm. They rarely spoke and when they did it was only when necessary and Enid was grateful for that. In fact, the extent of her gratitude reached further than Jess thought. She inched closer and quickly looked around at their surroundings, Jess remained in place.

“Right. I just wanted to say thanks. For looking out for me.” Enid said sincerely.

Jess was rooted to the spot when the girl loosely wrapped her arms around her middle in a feeble, fleeting but meaningful hug. She found herself smiling as Enid stepped back and a genuine grin was exchanged between them before Enid head off in the direction of the gate.

* * *

Jess decided to wait until The girl was out of sight, something in her gut told her there was a reason for her lingering until she’d gone. It was proved right when she saw another figure emerge from between the trees from the other direction.

Shards of light from the sun beaming between the leaves illuminated Carl’s Sheriffs hat and Jess sighed to herself. She should have known that where Enid was, Carl wouldn’t be that far behind, despite her earlier warnings for him to stay inside the walls.

She was unsurprised when he stopped moving upon noticing her presence, his shoulders sagged and he offered her a strained smile that told her; ‘Alright, you caught me.’ Jess marched towards him and motioned to a couple of tree stumps to her right. Trees were cut down occasionally to allow for the community to make fires for cooking and warmth, thus saving the generators for as long as possible. He plonked down onto the stump, readying himself for what was expected to be a long lecture about following Enid over the walls.

“What did I tell you, Carl?” Jess started.

His defenses went up and he turned to her, his eyebrows knitting together and his face changing to an expression of desperation.

“She’s alone out here! I can’t just leave her!” He cried.

Jess held her gloved hands up to quieten him. Sensing that her intentions were not solely to scold him, he immediately backed down and she gave him a sympathetic smile.

“I knew she was here. I just spoke to her. She’s gone back over the wall now.” She explained “You’re the one that was alone. You need to be more careful, Carl. Stop following her out here or I’ll have to tell your dad.”

Yes, it was a threat but it was only delivered out of necessity and Jess had faith that Carl would heed her advice, meaning that she wouldn’t have to follow through and inform Rick of his son’s venturing into the woods in pursuit of a girl. What’s more, she hoped she wouldn’t have to explain her knowledge of it for the past few weeks and why she never spoke up in the first place.

“You wouldn’t.” Carl challenged.

“Wouldn’t I?” She smirked in response.

_Don’t test me, kid._

“Uggh, don’t be a snitch” He groaned “I just get worried about her, okay?”

“I know you’re worried about her. That’s what happens when you care about someone. But you have to look after yourself too. You have a Family that love you and don’t want to lose you.”

If she had to be honest, she couldn’t say that if she was Carl’s age and in his situation that she wouldn’t have done the same. But Carl was precious, not just to Rick but to the whole group and the community having to come to terms with such a loss didn’t bare thinking about.

“I know. You’re right.” He conceded.

It was the perfect opportunity to bring up the topic of discussion between her and Daryl in the abandoned house. Jess took a few moments to decide which angle to approach it from and shifted her body to face Carl.

“Daryl told me you were asking him what you need to do to be good to Enid.” She said. “You already know this, in your heart. But I guess a little more advice wouldn’t hurt.”

Carl shrugged a shoulder up, if he was anywhere near embarrassed, he wasn’t showing it.

“Yeah, Daryl said to ask you because you’re a girl.”

Jess almost laughed when she remembered Daryl’s reasoning for dragging her back into the fray.

“Yeah, I got that.” She sniggered “OK, I’m going to tell you something and you have to promise not to tell anybody else.”

His face lit up at the prospect of being trusted with information that was to stay between the two of them. First, he’d kept her identity under the radar, now, she was relying on him to keep something else to himself. It’s had become. A strange bonding exercise, being entrusted as the keeper of secrets.

“Yeah. Sure. Of course.” He quickly agreed

“And you have to promise not to come out here alone anymore” she added.

“But Jess-”

“Carl” she warned with a stern voice and a raised eyebrow.

“Ok, fine. I promise.”

Jess took a deep breath and tried to evaluate the consequences her words would have should Carl fail to keep them under wraps. It was a risk, but one she could probably explain away should she need to. It all depended on how she worded what she was about to say

“He doesn’t know it, but Daryl is who you should be using as a good example of how to treat a girl. You should pay attention to how he treats me.”

It had been said and it wasn’t until she heard the words spoken instead of in her head, that she realized just how much she believed them.

“What?” Carl said “You mean, you guys are-”

“-No! Oh, no.” She corrected, a little quicker than desired “We’re friends. Close friends. But he knows how to treat a girl the way she deserves and it’s strange because he’s never had anybody in his entire life to tell him how to do that. He just knows.”

“Well…What does he do?”

Her vision moved out to the trees while her mind worked to filter though her memories of Daryl and every time his actions or words had made her feel like she was worth something. There were a lot and she was sure that if she ever told him he wouldn’t have even known.

“He makes time for me. I think he likes being around me. He laughs with me, teases me, actually listens to what I have to say and if I need him, I know he’ll be there.”

“That sounds nice. For you.” Carl mused.

“Yeah, and it’ll be nice for Enid to have somebody like that because you can bet your ass that idiot boyfriend of hers hasn’t got a clue what he’s doing. If he did, she probably wouldn’t be out here most days on her own” she told him with a wag of her finger

Carl laughed at her take on things “hope you’re right” He mused. “If Daryl is so good to you, why aren’t you his girlfriend?”

A wave of nervous energy washed over Jess and she couldn’t help the strained and somewhat odd giggle that escaped her lips. Knowing her only option to bypass being tangled in a conversation on a topic she really did not wish to discuss was ignoring the question, she slapped her hands on her knees, rubbed over her jeans and got to her feet.

“Carl, you’re never going to get a chance with the girl you like unless you stay inside the walls. Because you’ll be dead. Now, c’mon, let’s get you home” She declared.

With that, she linked her hand under his arm and pulled him upright, frog marching him towards Alexandria and trying to ignore the mocking grin he was giving her.

* * *

Daryl was sitting in a truck by the gate when Jess managed to smuggle Carl back in without Rick or anyone else but the gate guard noticing. Stealth and secrecy were her expertise and Carl was glad of it when he spotted his father outside the armory in discussion with Carol. He quickly ran behind the houses, evading Ricks focus.

Daryl smoked a cigarette and followed Jess with his eyes as she crept around the perimeter, keeping Carl in the shadows and sending him on his way once he was out of sight. Then, she made her way towards him where he was already enjoying seeing her inside the walls with her hood down and mask hanging around her neck as opposed to hiding her face. She’d braided her hair and the loose strands from the front blew gently in the breeze, it added a delicate and feminine edge to her mysterious and capable front.

He squinted at her in the sun and pushed away his anxiety about what had transpired the previous night. It wasn’t something he’d planned, or even thought about. Rather, it had just happened and he couldn’t say that he regretted the mildly flirtatious things that he’d said. The result was better than he could have anticipated and instead of him needing to awkwardly back track and apologize, Jess reacted in the best way possible; he could even hazard to say that she’d flirted back, not to mention that she’d referred to him as ‘handsome’. Daryl mused that there was indeed a first time for everything and for him, it was being able to steer a conversation with a pretty girl towards something that hinted at a little more than friendship, even if he wasn’t necessarily sure that she was on the same page. The prospect of her having a genuine interest in him in that respect had come from the certainty that she did indeed have a crush on him back at the quarry and that she quite frequently appeared flustered while in his presence. But now he was under no illusions that their flirtatious exchange was likely to be little more than an instance of getting to know one another. After all, she’d probably forgotten all about it by then anyway. He dared to hope for anything more, disbelieving that he was anywhere near good enough for her anyway.

He watched her closely as she crossed the street and headed in his direction, her hand lifted in a small wave and his fingers rippled up on the frame of the open window of the truck, acknowledging her and returning the gesture. She was back in her regular clothes but Daryl would never forget the image of her in a dress with soft curls and wearing a shy and altogether bewitching smile when he’d informed her of his interest in finding out more about her.

“Morning handsome” she greeted in an echo of the night before

She leaned against the open door of the truck and smiled broadly at him. Something had changed in him and the longer his eyes lingered on her the more he wanted to follow though with his idea of working harder to find out the things about her that he didn’t yet know.

“Not sure which nickname I prefer” he expressed “that or ‘Stinky’.”

“‘Stinky’ is now reserved for when you piss me off. ‘Handsome’ is for when you’re in my good books.” Her head tilted to one side and she traced over the edge of the truck’s door with her fingertip.

“I’m in you good books now?” He asked

“You might be.”

“How’d I manage that?”

“Told me I looked nice last night.” Was her honest and surprising reply.

Daryl was shocked to discover that his flirtatious comments hadn’t been brushed off like yesterdays shopping list at all. They were very much still at the forefront of her mind and for some reason he couldn’t quite place, she presented as different to him. She was bolder and for the first time he was able to see a glimmer of a side to her that had hijacked his curiosity more than he cared to admit.

“You did” He reiterated bravely.

“Ooh.” She hummed “You’re determined to stay there, huh?”

“Kind of a good place to be” He mentioned “Better’n you pointin’ guns at me in the woods like a crazy lady”

“Aaaand you just secured your place back in the bad books, Stinky.” She giggled while she his gaze, bravely grinning at him and trying to stop the sparking mass of excitement in the pit of her stomach from making her do something she would regret. From her peripheral vision, she could sense Rick at the other end of the street. He was still at the top of the armory steps, shoving his Python into its holster at his hip.

“You heading out?” She asked Daryl.

“Yeah, found a guy livin’ in the woods a few miles out all by himself. Rick is coming with me to talk to him, see what he’s about” he explained.

The smile stayed on Jess’s face and she nudged her head up, conveying that she understood. Part of Daryl wished he didn’t have to leave, that Rick wasn’t on his way to climb into the truck and venture with him outside of the walls. He wanted to stay, to stay with Jess and spend the day just talking to her. Or, to at least find a reason to spend time in her company.

“Come with us.” He suggested from nowhere. It was driven by impulse, and idea that wasn’t thought through but said regardless.

“Thought you didn’t want me going anywhere that wasn’t local. You put your big, protective foot down, remember? Breaking your own rules, Dixon” She reminded him with an element of smugness.

“Ain’t gotta.” He shrugged. “plus, what’s the point of rules if they aint for breakin’ from time to time?”

“Daryl Dixon, the eternal rebel.” She smiled with a much better executed wink than her previous effort “I’ll tag along.” The idea of a trip far from the town was an appealing one and not just because of the company she would be keeping. Jess was beginning to get cabin fever after pacing the same paths and looking at the same walls. She left the quarry to be a free bird, to go where she pleased and on occasion, she felt nothing but hemmed in. She needed to be busy and Daryl’s offer couldn’t have come at a better time. She hopped in the back and hung an arm on each of the seats in front while they waited for Rick to arrive. Daryl discarded his smoke and swung his legs into the truck, closing the door and turning his head to see Jess peering at him from her position between the seats.

“So, what’s the deal with you bringin’ Carl though the gates like he’s contraband?” He wanted to know.

“Oh, about that, I caught him outside the walls looking for Enid. I’m keeping an eye on him. Don’t tell Rick”

A slight glance over his shoulder told her that he didn’t like the idea of withholding information from Rick, but some things need not be said to save any unnecessary dramas.

“You tell the kid what ya told me?” he asked.

“Told him what he needs to do, yes.”

“Alright. We’ll see if it works, I guess.”

“It will.” She commented with a firm confidence only to be met with a suspicious side glance from Daryl. “It will!” She reiterated “He’s got excellent mentors.”

“What, me n’ you? Two people who aint never had a relationship before? Alright, whatever you say.”

Jess playfully slapped at his shoulder and scoffed at his negativity, although she couldn’t deny he had a point, she wasn’t about to agree with his statement.

“It doesn’t need experience; it needs patience and faith. You’ll see.”

“OK, cupid.” He mumbled. A thin piece of red thread garnered his attention on the dash and he picked it up and began winding it around his fingers as he leaned on the steering wheel. “Whatcha say to him anyways?”

It was the second time he’d made a try for specifics on the subject and his intent felt dangerously thinly veiled. He was interested, curious to know about Jess’s expectations and advice. For a moment, he considered the idea that he probably needed the advice more than Carl did. A quietness from beside him concerned him and he looked to his side to see her lip curled up at one end and a glint in her eye.

“That’s between Carl and I.” She finally replied. “Maybe I’ll tell you one day.”

A short huff from Daryl meant he was dismissing the subject rapidly and started to rummage around in the glovebox, secretly hoping that she would grace him with the truth someday. More than aware that her conversing with him was becoming a lot more than just chit chat and jest, Jess toyed with the idea of asking something a little more direct than she usually would.

“Were you drunk last night?” She questioned.

As if the notion had sparked a fire under him, Daryl shot back to his seating position and frowned at her.

“What? No.” He answered “Why?”

“Wondering, that’s all. Was thinking maybe you were drunk or it was the dress that I told Aaron was too short but he made me wear it anyway.” As she spoke, her nerves began to rise and it was translated into the flicking of her hands in the air, making her appear to be rambling when she wasn’t.

“What are ya talkin’ ‘bout?’ He queried, turning his body to face her. She blinked at him and sucked her lower lip into her mouth.

_Say it, Jess. Just say it. You want to see his reaction._

“Just…trying to figure out why you flirted with me.”

Far from the response she wanted, Daryl slowly twisted back and settled in the driver’s seat. She heard him sigh deeply, a long, drawn out exhalation. Along with the drumming of his fingers on the steering wheel, she figured they would be the only two sounds she would be presented with. Seconds passed, the longest seconds she’d ever encountered and she was on the verge of sitting back in the seat and pretending she never even bothered to ask.

Daryl was at a loss for words. Such a question was totally unexpected and he hadn’t given a single thought to how he might answer it. He could have been revealingly honest and told her he’d flirted with her because he had feelings for her that he couldn’t explain but didn’t dislike. But the point of such an admission would have been absent and so, he resigned himself to the less is more approach.

“That a problem?” He eventually muttered.

“Uh…No.” She replied uneasily.

It may not have been a problem, but it was still an issue of some sort and for Daryl it was enough to make him highly uncomfortable. His face was stoic with a discipline he’d practiced for years, he peered out of the windscreen at the gate guards swapping shifts. Then, movement in the mirror caught his attention. Rick was on his way to the truck. The air was thick with anticipation and as much as he just wanted to keep quiet and not fuel any more confusion between them, he knew he owed her an answer at least. With Rick a few feet away from the back of the truck, Daryl diverted his gaze to the rear-view mirror and found Jess peering back at him innocently and with a hint of worry on her face.

“Was sober n’ it wasn’t ‘cause of no dress.” He whispered just as Rick interrupted by climbing into the truck.

* * *

Over an hour of fleeting glances in the rear-view mirror and frustration near to boiling point meant Jess had to force herself to swallow the urge to ask a barrage of questions pertaining to Daryl’s absolute conundrum of a statement. Reaching their destination, Jess jumped out of the truck and demanded to be shown the route they were taking on a map. Once she had a clear idea of the direction they were headed in, she surged ahead, not wanting to having to endure any more confusion by meeting Daryl’s eye.

Since when did he flirt with her? Since when did he offer such a non-answer when questioned about something? Since when did everything get so complicated? She needed to know what was happening, because something was and she could feel it in her gut. Something in him had changed and she needed to know what. It was obvious that he’d timed the his answer strategically, in the seconds before Rick opened the truck door and climbed inside. He knew she wouldn’t continue probing about such a sensitive subject in front of anyone else and he took advantage of it.

_Smart_ She thought _Smart and annoying._

The day was hot. Dry, dusty air howled through the leaves and branches of the woods and Walkers were congregating in higher numbers than Alexandria had to deal with. Rick and Daryl took it upon them selves to put most of them down as the small group moved towards their destination with Jess picking off the stragglers at a distance with her bow. Multiple times she’d heard Daryl call her name during combat with the undead, but every time she ignored him. She could handle a few Walkers with her bow and didn’t need his assistance. What she did need, was an explanation.

As they approached a camp nestled in the bushes, Jess slowed her pace and switched her bow up for her machete, gripping it in her hand until her knuckles turned white. She didn’t know why she was so uneasy about the situation, but a niggling in the back of her mind was telling her to proceed with caution. Rick signaled silently with his hand for Daryl to take the left while he took the right and the three of them crept closer, scoping out the area and listening for any sounds. Jess halted and squinted at the dull light in the trees, thinking she’d spotted movement in the entrance of a ripped and moldy tent.

The wind was knocked from her lungs when Daryl's arms locked around her middle, yanking her body backwards and causing her boots to scuff along the ground. He held her flush against his body while hissing in her ear after she yelped in surprise.

“Shhhh”

“Wha-what are you-?" She tried, but his hand shot up and clamped over her mouth. She could feel his breath on her neck as he held her still, his strength obviously hard to rival.

“Trap.” He breathed in her ear.

Rick quickly shuffled along from the far side and partially knelt in front of them, positioning himself in Jess’s eye-line. He raised an arm and traced along the nearly transparent wire that she had almost activated.

Jess wriggled from Daryl’s grasp and brushed angrily at her clothes. Why hadn’t she seen that? She had one that was identical set up by the gate of the fairground. Her mind had undoubtedly been elsewhere and now she was embarrassed about missing a trap she considered to be child’s play.

“Y’all go ahead” she told them both. “I’m too distracted to lead anymore”

The displeased glare that Daryl received as she passed him was not lost on him and he charges ahead, stepping over the trap with Rick and pushing through the trees towards the tent.

Everyone knows the feeling; when you’re looking at someone and you know that you’ve seen them somewhere before but your mind withholds vital information that would lead you to figure out exactly why that person was already in your memory before you happened upon them.

Daryl and Rick kept their distance and their weapons drawn while the scruffy, toothless man before them rambled about living in the woods for months and how hungry he was. Tilting her head to the side, Jess examined his arms and the rotund shape of his stomach. This man most certainly was not starving and his voice was also ringing a bell. It made her skin prickle and turn cold. She stalked back and forth behind her two comrades, aware that she was not avoiding the leering gaze of the man that was sitting on the floor outside his ruined tent. His clothing was in decent enough condition. Holes in the knees of his pants sewn up and his plain, blue shirt was devoid of the stains and rips that living in the wilderness would create. Something was amiss. Jess stopped walking and adjusted her grip on her machete.

“How many people have you killed?” Rick asked. It was one of three questions that were customary in the recruitment of outsiders that helped to identify a good person from a bad one.

“I dunno… a few. Gotta do what you’ve gotta do, right?!” The man declared before releasing a throaty, loose laugh that seared into Jess’s memory.

_I know you._

She charged through the gap between Rick and Daryl and flung her machete at the man, stopping centimeters from his throat. Time suspended around her and for a few seconds, there was nothing but her rage and the flash of fear in the man’s eyes. She was sure Rick and Daryl were speaking to her, probably urging her to back down. But she heard nothing but the thud of her heartbeat in her head.

“Did you find what you were looking for in the city?” She hissed

“W-woah, lady. Relax. I don’t know what you-” he stammered, saliva sprayed from his toothless mouth as he spoke, dotting her blade with spit.

“-are you sure? Because I remember you. That phlegm infested laugh and how you drummed on the metal cage you drove through the streets with a half naked, screaming woman inside.”

Gradually, the sound of Daryl and Ricks voices began to sleep through her rage and she could sense Rick approaching her, holding a hand out towards the handle of her blade.

“What did you do to that woman?” She wanted to know.

“What woman? I don’t know what you’re talking about!” He cried

“The woman from the damn cage, asshole! I know you and I know the band of pricks you’re working with! I heard you in the woods, before we killed your buddy. You’re collecting women, and you’re out here as bait, aren’t you?! Poor, starving guy all alone in the woods, begging for help from passers by. Where are the rest of your group?”

The man’s face began to tremble with each escalation of fury in Jess’s voice. Her anger was rising and everything blurred when she bypassed needing an answer to her question and moved her arm back, readying herself to slice his head clean off.

Daryl came out of nowhere, barging into her and knocking her to the floor. Her machete left her hand and scattered across the dirt, skidding to a stop a few feet from her fingers while Daryl pinned her to the floor. Her back hummed with pain from the impact and her shoulders were locked under his weight. She kicked and bucked beneath him, her strangled yells sounding out across the area. She could see Rick lunge towards them and scoop up her blade with his revolver still pointed at the man, who was staring, wide-eyed at the scuffle.

“Let me go!” She growled “I know what he is… fucking rapist bastard! We need-we need to kill him!”

Daryl was hushing her as best he could, but his words were falling on deaf ears.

“Let me go, Daryl! _GET OFF OF ME!”_ She bellowed. But he shifted his grip on her, most of his body now covering her in the dirt. He managed to bring a hand to her face, steadying her thrashing and lowered his lips close to her ear.

“I get it” he told her “I get it, Jess. But you gotta calm down. We gotta be sure”

“Let me go” she snapped

“Can’t do that until I know ya ain’t gonna chop his head off or put an arrow between his eyes. We can’t just kill him.”

“Yes, we can. He’s one of them. The men from the woods when we hid in the stream. You know what they are. I saw him, I looked back and I saw him. They pick up women and use them. I saw them in the city. They had a woman in a fucking cage, Daryl!” Her lungs were straining and her speech was forced from her throat into a stream of rambling. She paused and struggled, snapping her head to the side and locking eyes with the man “Rapist pig!”

“Hey, hey, hey, c’mon. Don’t look at him.” Daryl soothed, gently turning her head back to him. “Look at me.” He peered down at her flushed and enraged face, noticing that the fight seemed to have left her limbs “Look at me. it’s just me n’ you. Please.”

He was so close to her that the sweaty strands of his hair were tickling her face and it occurred to her that if she lifted her head slightly, she could see right down his shirt to the toned landscape of his chest. All at once, the situation became about more than just him keeping her in line.

_At least I get to know what it’s like to be under you, Dixon._

The contact wasn't lost on Daryl either, who was becoming starkly aware of the dangers that friction coupled with being on top of an attractive woman held. He forced his mind to the task in hand and tried to remain logical and focused. But the curve of her hip and waist was making things extremely difficult. 

She grit her teeth and wriggled while shooting him an angry look and breathing through her nose. She had to concede soon or the man had a good chance of escape. She needed to change tact and the only way she could do that was if Daryl allowed her to get up from the ground. She began to calm and shifted slightly under him.

“fine.” She spat.

She turned her head and huffed against the dirt, sending a cloud of brown dust up in front of him.

“Slowly. Don’t try nothin’. Please” he requested as he gradually moved back and let her have the control back in her upper body. She sat up and he still held onto her legs, still straddling her thighs, untrusting and wary. She brushed dirt from her hair and clothing and stared at him.

“You alright?” He asked

“You know we have to kill him. He’s not going anywhere near our people” She whispered with a quick glance at the man, who was now being grilled by Rick and staring down the barrel of his gun.

“We can use him. Keep in the cell. He could have information.” He reasoned.

It took all manner of pleading looks before Jess finally gave in and agreed not to hurt the man if Daryl let her up from the floor and when she was finally able to stand, she cleared her throat and dusted herself down, throwing an awkward glance Daryl’s way and finding him imitating her expression. 

_Maybe I should kick off again, that was kinda fun._ She thought.

After a detailed discussion between Rick and Daryl while Jess paced angrily back and forth behind them, it was decided that the stranger was to be tied up and taken back to Alexandria’s jail where he would be interrogated for information. Daryl was confident in Jess’s declaration that she knew the man and had seen him twice before. If he was a part of a larger group that were a danger to the people of their town, then they needed to know what they were up against.

Throughout the negotiation and with a gun still pointed to his head, the man remained adamant that he had no idea what Jess was referring to and he was, in fact, simply a drifter living alone in the woods.

“You got any weapons?” Rick asked.

“No. Even if I did, you could shoot me in the head right now.” He answered.

Daryl and Rick didn’t believe him any more than Jess did and so it was with great caution that he was lifted to his feet with Jess volunteering to search him and bind his hands at his back. Rick handed her some rope and she stepped around him, lowering her eyes to his wrists which he’d brought around to his lower back. Between his hands, she spotted the unmistakable grip of a pistol tucked deep into his waistband.

“He’s got a gu-”

It was a blur and it felt like her feet lifted clear of the ground. In one, swift movement an arm was clamped around her throat, pressing on her windpipe and her other arm was bent behind her back. A cold, circular pressure on her temple made her heart sink. Her chest constricted and fear hammered through her veins. She tried to struggle, to use her feet to stamp on his boots, her one, free hand desperately clawed at his forearm but he didn’t budge.

“Back up or I shoot her.” The man said calmly with a crazed grin on his face that made Daryl’s blood run cold. Both Rick and Daryl took a couple of steps back, Daryl’s face etched with worry. “Weapons on the floor”

“You don’t have to do this.” Rick tried as he and Daryl placed their weapons in the dust. “We’re just going to take you back and talk to you. Let her go.”

The man turned his head and pushed his nose into the side of Jess’s hair. He sniffed loudly, his eyes rolling up and a laugh crackling from his lungs.

“Let her go?” He chuckled. “Why would I do that? She’s a prize find. They don’t come in such good quality after all this time. He’s gonna loooove you, sweetheart.”

“I’ma fuckin’ kill you” Daryl growled.

Jess’s body began to shake with terror and her mind kicked into overdrive at the many horrendous possibilities that could befall her if the man was able to drag her away somehow. She tried to think, tried to formulate and plan and hoped that Daryl and Rick were coming up with something themselves.

Another mocking laugh and Jess could feel the vibration from it rumble through her back. Nausea swept over her and she swallowed hard, her eyes lifting to Daryl who was stood, motionless and staring at her captor as if he was imagining tearing him limb from limb. Rick was still trying to talk him into submission, his every attempt met with mockery and an even tighter grip around her neck. Around his prize.

Out of nowhere, Daryl dived at them, his shoulder colliding with the man’s hip and lifting all of them into the air.

_BANG_

Jess landed with an almighty thud at the same time as the gunshot rang out through the woods. She shook her head as her eardrums ached and her hearing muffled and quickly felt over her clothes for wounds or blood. In her peripheral vision she could see Rick running towards them in slow motion.

_Am I hit? Did he shoot me? I can’t feel anything. No, I’m not hit. Then who did he…?_

She scrambled up to her knees, spinning around and taking in the scene before her. Everything was still moving in slow motion and her ears were now ringing with pain from the noise. Her mouth dropped open. She was hyperventilating. She blinked rapidly, able to make out Daryl scrapping with the man on the floor. Punches were being thrown and footsteps neared her. She was knelt on something metal; her knee was thrumming with discomfort. She shifted and picked up the strangers gun.

“ _ON YOUR KNEES ASSHOLE!_ ”

It didn’t even sound like her own voice. It was loud and built of fury and fire and a determination unlike she’d never felt before. The man threw his hands up and climbed up from where he’d been subjected to Daryl raining punches down on him.

“Woah, lady. Everything was goin’ just fine until ya boyfriend here jumped in.” He commented. “We was just gonna have ourselves a little trip before I delivered ya to the big guy. It aint nothin’. Just give this up n’ nobody else has to get hurt. We’re all just trying to survive, right? Whatever ways we know how? Why don’t ya just put down the gun? Huh? Sweetheart.”

Rick, who was also pointing his gun in the same direction, noticed Daryl roll onto his back and clutch his thigh. Strained grunts and cuss words filled the air and Jess put two and to together. They exchanged a glance that conveyed Jess would be the one to hold the assailant at gunpoint while Rick dashed over to Daryl and began applying pressure to his wound.

_He shot Daryl._

Tears filled her eyes and her vision blurred. The man’s face distorting through a glassy view and her breath suddenly becoming incredibly difficult to pass through her lungs. Intermittently, her eyes flickered over to Daryl on the floor, losing blood quickly as the crimson pool in the dirt beneath him grew larger. Rick partially obscured her view as he tended to him, using his knife to carve off a part of his sleeve to double it up as a tourniquet.

“Daryl?!” Jess yelled, ignoring the pleas from her target who was still waffling on in front of her and trying to talk his way out of being shot in the head. “Daryl?! Are you Okay?!”

“Uggghh…yeah. M’okay.” Came the unconvincing reply. Her hands were shaking around the gun. The gun that she’d failed to check for ammo. She quickly examined the magazine, satisfied that she wasn’t being taken for a fool. Her blurred vision coupled with Rick’s body positioned in front of Daryl meant that she still couldn’t see much and she began to panic.

“RICK?!” She bellowed but was met with nothing. Her labored and shallow breaths sounded ten times louder than usual and she felt like everyone could hear the terrified rhythm of her heart pounding in her chest. “ _RICK?! ANSWER ME!”_

“Yeah?” He shouted back.

“Tell me the truth, is Daryl lying to me?”

At her feet, the man was giggling manically and Jess was trying her hardest to ignore the uncomfortably unstable way in which he was conducting himself in such a situation.

“It’s funny.” He chucked “This is all pointless. You’re all going to die anyway! Aint nothin’ but the hell down there and the hell up here!”

“Shut up” Jess snapped. “Rick?! I need an answer here!”

“Yeah. He’s hit. Got him in the thigh.” Rick eventually called over his shoulder to the tune of Daryl’s painful cries. Jess’s stomach flipped.

“Tell me that bullet hasn’t hit his femoral artery” She told him.

“No, I think it missed it.” He replied, straight away this time. “You alright over there?”

“Yeah. I got this.” She affirmed.

Jess messily swiped at her eyes with her sleeve, clearing her vision somewhat and allowing her to see the blackened rings under the man’s eyes, his toothless void of a mouth twisted into a sickening grin and the rapid swelling of his cheekbone that must have been courtesy of Daryl. She tilted her head to the side and shifted her weight evenly over both feet. Both of her hands gripped the gun and she sniffed away her tears, finding some semblance of strength that had suddenly been mustered from some part of her being. It didn’t need to be thought about, she knew what she had to do.

She lowered the gun slightly and pulled the trigger. The deafening noise ripped through the trees.

“Jess!” Daryl yelled, quieted when the man’s piercing screams sounded up from in front of her as she stood over him and watched him grip the bleeding, ragged wound in his thigh. He squirmed and writhed in agony. Her face was blank and her actions were fueled by a need for a violent revenge. Jess had never been a violent person and recoiled at any type of physical force. But it was the end of days, humanity was reduced to a ‘them or us’ mentality and when it came to those she cared about; it was a different. No one shot Daryl and got away with it. She slowly crouched in front of the bloodied stranger, hoping that he was feeling even an ounce of the torture that Daryl was experiencing.

“Shh” She hushed gently. “Shh. It’s going to be alright. You’ll see” The man gradually raised his head to her, his face revealing the extent of his pain. She held the gun up to his temple, choosing the angle so she could escape being splattered with blood. It was strange how her logic was working when everything else was a mess.

“No. No. Please” he cried, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Shh” she cooed. One of her hands sought his, taking hold of his bloodied fingers and tenderly rubbing her thumb across his skin. “It’ll be alright” She repeated. “You’ll see.”

_BANG._

* * *

Bright sunlight was the first thing Daryl saw when he woke. He squinted in discomfort and turned his head away from the window. His head was heavy and his stomach was empty. His throat was dry and there was a dull numbness to his entire body that he thought was consistent with the time he’d raided Merle’s stash and taken his Oxycodone. But he didn’t remember taking anything. In fact, he didn’t remember much at all. He sucked in a deep breath, feeling his lungs tighten and his limbs tingle. Just how long had he been asleep?

Moving his head back, he scanned the room, alarmed to find that it was not the usual place he lay his head. He recognized it to be the infirmary and like a floodgate had opened, everything came rushing back to his memory. The woods. The stranger with the gun. Pinning Jess to the ground. The gunshot wound to his leg. Jess putting an end to it all.

_Jess. Where is she?_

He grunted and screwed his face up when he tried to move. It dawned on him that he was actually under the influence of strong painkillers that were doing a good job of masking the pain, but not managing to take it away altogether. His leg spiked with agony and he balled his hands into fists as he raised his head from the pillow and noticed the still form of Jess, sitting by the side of his bed with her head resting on her arm on the mattress. Her dark hair was covering her face and her hand was draped over his forearm. He swallowed; his throat drier than the Mojave Desert when he tried to speak.

“J-Jess?” He croaked.

She stirred and let out a small moan, adjusting her position on her bent arm. Daryl smiled at the sight, he didn’t want her to see him in his current state at all, but in truth there was no one else he wanted to see in that moment. He glanced down at her hand delicately placed over his forearm and rotated his wrist, bringing his elbow back and catching her hand in his. He could have stayed there like that for hours. With her fingers wrapped in his grip and her sleeping on his bed. But he needed to know if she was okay and so, he squeezed her hand.

Jess shot up and jerked her hand away from him, her chair scraped against the infirmary floor and her wild eyes checked the room before landing on Daryl. She brought her hand to her chest and caught her breath.

“Oh my god. You’re awake.” She sighed.

She ran a hand through her hair and blinked the sleep from her eyes. Daryl noticed her clothing, a far cry from what he was used to seeing her in. She wore plain, black jeans and a white T-shirt. No logo’s, no emblems or superhero symbols.

“How long ya been here?” he rasped.

“Since we brought you in.” She said “I haven’t left this room.” He furrowed his brow and tried to comprehend exactly how long she meant and wondered how she’d managed to change if she’d not left the room. “Eric brought me some clothes. I got changed while you were sleeping.” She explained, like she could read his mind.

“How long have I been here?” He wanted to know.

“Almost forty-seven hours.” She yawned, covering her mouth and propping her head up on her elbows, using the mattress beside him as a table.

“Jesus.” He grunted. No wonder he couldn’t properly feel his limbs.

She rose to her feet and hovered her hands over him as he struggled to sit up. When she tried to offer her assistance, he quickly held up a hand and shook his head, wanting to complete the simple task himself.

For a moment, Daryl pondered over who had undressed him when he looked down at his bare torso and his arm hooked up to a drip as he sat there, shirtless and slowly dragging the covers up as far as they would go. It had, in fact, been Jess and Denise that had teamed up to get him into bed, aided by Rick, who did the heavy lifting due to Daryl passing out from blood loss and becoming a dead weight.

Denise, who was trained as a surgeon but ended up in psychiatry before the turn, had panicked when it was revealed just how much blood loss she was dealing with. Daryl’s blood type being a complete mystery to everyone in the room only served to heighten her worry. It was Jess that volunteered to donate, quickly announcing that she was O negative and therefore able to donate blood to anyone. She was quickly hooked up and gave as much as she could without collapsing, eventually falling asleep in the chair next to Daryl’s bed and moving only to explain the drama to Aaron and Eric, who brought her clothes and food and tried unsuccessfully to coax her back to the comfortable, warm, spare bed at their place.

“How are you feeling?” She questioned.

“Kinda lit” He admitted

“That’ll be the Oxy” She replied with a quick giggle. “The bullet missed your femoral artery but you’ve got some damage to repair and it’s going to take time. Denise got the bullet out but she says you’ll need physiotherapy to build the muscle strength back up in your leg."

“Mm. Great. This Oxy’s some good shit. You know where she keeps it?”

She didn’t bother to answer, only throwing him a stern but amused look under a raised eyebrow. Sitting back down in her chair, she was aware that the cushioned seat had now become flat and hard from hours of being compressed by her tired body. She really needed a bed for a couple of hours and a belly full of decent food. But leaving Daryl when he’d just woken up was not an option. She briefly reached up and checked his drip was still working, looking over the connections in the wires and gently turning his arm to check the valve. Feeling him staring at her, she met his eye and sat back against the backrest.

“You good?” He asked.

She didn’t know the answer. On the one hand, she was filled with overwhelming relief that he was alive and would live to carry on his constant mockery of her. On the other, she was horrified at the very real possibility that should the bullet have hit his artery, she’d have been preparing to attend his funeral instead of staring him down when he hinted at wanting more Oxycontin.

"Fine" She squeaked.

She cursed herself internally when she couldn’t hold her tears back. Like a freight train, the events of the last two days had hit her all at once and it was wholly overwhelming. Salty drops flittered down her cheeks and she lowered her head, hoping that Daryl was high enough not to notice.

“Don’t look fine.” He commented.

_Typical. Turns out he’s not high enough to overlook me being an emotional wreck._

“Don’t. Don’t do that” He urged.

She wiped at her eyes with her sleeve and sighed quietly.

“Jess” He cooed, his tone of voice quieter and soothing “He’s dead. It’s over.”

“He shot you” she exclaimed abruptly “I won’t have…have anyone hur-he shot you. It’s- no. Just no. I won’t have it.”

She wrung her hands in her lap, irritated by the sound of her blathering.

“Been shot before. Takes more than that to kill me” Daryl pointed out.

She managed to look up and meet his eyes, smiling at him tearfully and fiddling with the corner of the blanket on the bed. She froze when he subtly but very deliberately slid his hand across the sheets and touched her fingers to interrupt the twiddling of the blankets hem. He lightly rubbed back and forth over her index and middle fingers. Her skin ignited and she gazed down at his bloodstained hand over hers.

“What are ya doin? You actually cryin’ at me right now?” He asked.

“No” She lied with a croak.

“Stop this now, alright?” He told her. “C’mon, don’t be no crybaby, sposed to be a badass.”

Jess couldn’t help but laugh. She was discovering fast that playful, well-meaning jest was actually customary to his personality, he was just very selective with whom he chose to share it.

“No, that’s you. Mr. Indestructible.” She chuckled with a couple of sniffs.

“Hey.” He uttered, noting her gaze drop again and forcing her to look up at him with a slight squeeze of her fingers. “Thanks for shootin’ that prick. I’d have done it myself but I was-”

“-Dealing with a hole in your leg?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll kill anybody that tries to hurt you.” She revealed without thinking. Too terrified to look at him for fear of him thinking her comment strange and dramatic, her lips parted and she fixed her vision down into her lap.

_Oh, lord. Apparently, I’m just broadcasting everything in my head now._

“Same.” He mumbled unexpectedly.

The eye contact that transpired between them following such a deep confession was unlike anything either of them had felt before. It was an intense, lingering connection in which the rest of the room seemed to fade into a vignette effect and there remained only the two of them. Time became irrelevant, it could have been hours that passed and neither one of them would have noticed. It was only when a noise from the door snapped them out of their trance that Jess flinched and swallowed hard. Now slightly uncomfortable, but determined not to show it, Daryl simply observed her shift needlessly in her seat. It was quite the moment to him and one that meant so much without saying anything at all.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments on the previous chapter, so glad it was a success.  
> Things are moving on now. A little theme of trust in this one.  
> Fluff. I live for this stuff.

The noise beyond the infirmary door was Carol, who was deliberately making it known that her and Judith were waiting on the porch and didn’t want to barge in on anything. Jess went outside to greet her and in turn, spent a great deal of time giving her a run down of her version of events and an update on Daryl’s condition. She told her about him needing blood and her stepping up to provide it and also added that for now, she wanted to keep that minor detail from him. Her desire to play everything down and keep the dramatics at a low level was with Daryl in mind. The less there was to take in, the easier his recovery would be. They discussed his recovery and the changes that would need to be made, both of them admitting their reluctance to deal with his stubborn complaining. Eventually, Carol convinced an exhausted Jess to head to Aaron and Eric’s place and get some rest and food. Telling her she would sit with Daryl for a while and that Michonne would also be around when her guard shift finished, Jess agreed in the knowledge that he would have someone with him at all times but still had very little desire to leave his side.

From his bed, Daryl could see Jess through the window as she descended the stairs. He wondered when she would be back, not wanting her to spend her every waking moment by his bedside but being unable to deny that he was missing her being near to him already and it had only been 30 minutes since she left the room. He hated the fact that he seemed to be pining, something he thought only lovesick teenagers did. Since when was he so reliant on the presence of another person, let alone a female?

“Hey, you brought Lil’ asskicker” He announced when Carol finally entered the infirmary with Judith pinned to her hip.

“She misses you. She won’t settle for me or Rick much anymore. The only one she listens to is Carl” She said with an air of frustration. Judith was always more complaint with her Uncle Daryl over everyone else, a fact that he felt quietly smug about.

“That true kiddo? You actin up for ya ol’man and Carol?” He asked Judith who immediately decided she was going to act coy and hide in Carol’s shoulder. The change of scenery meant her shy side was activated and she wasn’t sure how to conduct herself when Uncle Daryl looked so different to usual. When Carol lifted her up and planted her on her lap, the child grabbed at Daryl’s hand and played with his fingers.

“How are you?” Carol asked.

“Gettin’ by.” He shrugged. The painkillers were still working their magic but he had done enough Oxy in his time to know that the feeling of contentment was nothing but a visage and soon, it would wear off.

“Jess said you wanted to come home” She mentioned.

“Damn right. Already hate being stuck in here. I know it's gonna be all ‘Don’t do this, drink this, go to sleep’, aint good with being told what to do.” He complained.

It was just how Carol expected him to be. It wasn’t in Daryl’s nature to be cooped up with a set of rules to follow. Nor was it like him to let anyone look after him when he was so used to looking out for himself. Her conversation with Jess made it clear that if she had an intention of playing nurse, Jess would soon quash them with her need to see him through his recovery herself. In a way, she was glad, Daryl could be a troublesome patient.

“I knew you’d be pretty mad about that. I got a run down from Jess. She said you’ll be fine with some time and rehabilitation. Sounds positive."

“Guess so. How you doin anyways?” He queried with an outright attempt to steer the topic away from himself. Judith was reciting ‘this little piggy’ as she pointed at Daryl’s fingers one by one, her muffle and badly enunciated speech melting into the background as she sang to herself.

“Fine.” She nodded. “Daryl what happened out there?”

There it was, the question he was waiting for. Carol wanted to hear his version for herself and he could have put money on her walking in and ordering him to relay the story from his perspective.

“Aint Rick or Jess told ya?” He asked with an exasperated sigh.

“Jess said you got shot trying to save her. Rick said you got shot trying to save Jess.” She relayed impatiently.

“Then that’s what happened.” He grumbled with a shrug

Carol leaned towards him and curled her fingers around his forearm.

“He could have killed you.” She pointed out.

“He was holdin’ a gun to her head, Carol!” He snapped “He was-he was talkin’ all sorts of shit ‘bout how she was a prize find. She just…she looked so fuckin’ scared. I wasn’t gonna let him hurt her. I had to do somethin’.”

Briefly, they both watched Judith, who had taken it upon herself to climb down from Carol’s lap and begin pulling books from a bookshelf. Carol paid her no mind, as long as she was quiet and safe, that was all that mattered. When she turned back to Daryl, he was regarding her with a wary expression.

“You took a bullet for her.” She stated directly. He could always rely on Carol to tell it like it was, no matter how much he didn’t want to hear it sometimes.

“Yeah n’ I’d do it again tomorrow.” Was his equally as clear response.

Carol slowly sat back and half smiled at him. Such a quick confession had come straight from his heart and it only proved what she’d thought all along and she wasn’t about to let it slide this time.

“Are you going to admit that you have feelings for her now?” She wanted to know.

She heard a low growl in his throat as he turned his head away and thudded it back on the pillow. She watched over him, noting the chewing of his lower lip and his shallow breathing. She knew that if she just waited, he would gift her with some kind of answer eventually.

“I don’t know what I feel.” He muttered as he turned back to her “This aint never happened to me before.”

She glanced over her shoulder at Judith once more before dragging her chair closer to him, levelling herself with his shoulder.

“Tell me” She coaxed.

Again, Daryl inflicted upon her a long and uncomfortable pause. Highly anxious about being asked such things, he wanted to get up and leave the room, but it was impossible and there was no escape. Accepting his fate, he resigned himself to his only option; surrender.

“She makes me crazy. When she looks at me I just-I aint me. I say stuff I would never say to nobody.”

“Like what?”

He shook his head and grumbled under his breath that he didn’t want to talk about it but Carol was not giving up that easily.

“Daryl, just tell me.” She ordered.

“After the party…” He bit his lower lip and sighed, the conflict raging in his mind. He needed another perspective, but at the same time was mortified and confused by the whole thing and felt it best to keep everything to himself. “…ugh, it don’t matter.”

“It does. Once you get this out and talk about it, you’ll feel better. I promise and I’ll never breathe a word to anybody. After everything we’ve been through, you know you can trust me”

Daryl had grown up not needing anyone for anything. He relied on no one but himself and where affairs of the heart were concerned, such rare occurrences were also dealt with alone or not dealt with at all. For the first time in his life, he felt as thought he could have used some advice, or at least a listening ear that would take whatever he told her to the grave. She wouldn’t judge and wouldn’t poke fun at him, she wouldn’t get mad or laugh or make him feel like he should know better. It was Carol, his trusted friend and it was about time, after so much trauma, that he afforded her the credit she deserved.

“Flirted with her” He mumbled under his breath.

“Well, this is new” she beamed “What did you say?”

“I aint tellin’ you that.” He scoffed. Full disclosure was not on the cards and some details needed to remain under wraps.

“Okay. Alright. That’s…that’s good, Daryl.”

“You’re just lovin’ this aint ya?” He mumbled.

“Little bit. Not going to lie.” she chuckled “How did she take it?”

“Good. I think. Dunno what got into me. I just kept thinkin’ ‘bout how she liked me before. Y’know, at the quarry? N’ sometimes, when we’re alone she gets all flustered n’ shit. Thought it was my imagination but I don’t think it is. I mean, I don’t know. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. Aint got a clue what I’m lookin’ for here.”

With a wider knowledge of hunting than women, Daryl was in unchartered territory. Dangerous waters that could spell the end of his friendship with Jess if it all went wrong. Like he was walking a tightrope, he had been struggling to find the exact, right words to say to her in case it all blew up and he lost her once more. His desire to dip a toe into the minefield of flirting was most definitely a risky one and he wasn’t even sure if his effort had paid off or if they would simply move forward with no mention of it ever again.

“A lot can happen in the months you were apart. But if you want my opinion, she didn’t want you to know who she was when we first got here because she still felt the same about you. You know what she put up with at the quarry and you weren’t in a position to acknowledge that you actually felt something for her. You couldn’t make it OK for her. She didn’t want to feel like she was being rejected again.” Carol explained. She always had a way of clearing things up and adding clarity to what would usually be jumbled up and frustrated thoughts in his head. Moreover, she was right, Jess had put up with a lot at the quarry and he wasn’t able to be there for her like he should have been. Her hidden identity was a defense mechanism. But did it really mean that she still felt something for him?

“I never meant to do that to her. I’d never hurt her.” He said. “The mornin’ we left for the run, she uh, she wanted to know why I flirted with her... straight up. I wasn’t expectin’ that. Asked me if I was drunk or, if it was the dress she was wearin’. Had no idea how I was sposed to answer.”

Carol’s face had softened to a small smile that she was holding back a little. Her heart swelled with excitement and happiness for him. She’d wanted this for him for a long time after seeing how much of himself he’d given to keeping the rest of the group safe.

“ _Was_ it the dress?” she smirked

“No.”

“She did look good in it.” She pressed.

“Stop it.” He dismissed. She smirked at him again and nudged his arm

“Fine. Wasn’t _just_ the dress.” He admitted. The dress had some sway, he had to admit that much. But the main push he needed to adopt a more flirtatious tone was her blushing around him, her reaction to his compliments and the same, niggling idea that she still liked him as more than a friend.

“Ha. I knew it.” She grinned. “So, what did you tell her?”

“Just that I was sober n’ it wasn’t the dress.”

“I see. Then I think that’s all you needed to say.” She surmised “This is great, Daryl. You deserve this. You deserve to be happy.”

“Don’t get all excited, aint nothin’ gonna happen.”

Judith, having covered the floor in books and deciding that none of them quite matched up to the wonders of the book about the dog that Uncle Daryl read to her, was now hanging around Carol’s legs and trying to climb back up onto her lap. She reached down and scooped up the child, who nestled into the crook of her arm and yawned.

“Are you happy?” Carol asked in a serious tone.

It was nowhere near the linear question that it presented it’s self as and as far back as he could remember, Daryl wasn’t sure if he could ever pinpoint a time when he was truly happy or if he even knew what happiness was. But Jess stirred something in him and he had a burning desire to be near her. When she smiled, he smiled. Her laugh was addictive and her sense of humor gelled well with his own. He liked how she was her own person and had become independent while still retaining the vulnerability that made him want to protect her. Was he completely happy? He couldn’t say. But there was one thing he was sure of.

“M’happy when I’m with her.”

* * *

Aarons was talking himself hoarse as Jess darted around his spare room, collecting clothes and ignoring his pleas for her to just stop and get some decent sleep. He promised to wake her, to go and get an update to be relayed upon her waking up and even offered to go to the fairground and get more of her clothes. But all of his kind offers were declined. As soon as Jess stepped foot on the grass verge outside the infirmary, she just wanted to turn back and return to her bedside vigil.

Racing down the stairs, Jess flung her backpack over her shoulder and reached out for the door handle. Aaron positioned himself in between her and her escape route, defiant and bordering on angry. He tugged the bag from her shoulder and dropped it by the door before placing his hands on her weary shoulders and steering her towards the kitchen. Jess didn’t have the energy to put up any kind of a fight and simply let Aaron guide her into another room, where there was spaghetti on the stove and the smell wafted through the room, tempting her stomach into a loud rumble.

Given the information that Eric was on Guard duty and Aaron would be alone for most of the night, Jess half-heartedly sank down onto a dining chair and pushed her food around the plate while re-visiting the events of the past few hours from the beginning in order to answer some of Aaron’s questions. When, on the timeline of events, she reached the real reason why she was so physically drained, she explained that she had been the one to donate blood to replace what Daryl had lost. Aaron expressed that it was a noble and selfless thing to do and that when she did decide to tell Daryl, he was sure he would be eternally grateful. Then. She fell silent and took a sip of her red wine.

“Jess?”

“Mm?” She hummed into her glass before she looked across the table at the kind man she now thought of as her friend.

“You’re supposed to eat that” He remarked with a nudge of his head towards her uneaten food. The steam it emitted when it was first placed on the table was now gone and Aaron was sure Jess was sitting in front of a stone cold plate of pasta.

“I’m sorry. I just can’t stop thinking…what if? Y’know?” She mused.

Aaron thudded his cutlery onto the wooden table and leaned forwards with his arms braced either side of his pasta bowl. From across the table, Jess peered at him sadly.

“Listen to me, ‘what if’ will drive you insane. ‘what if’ does not matter.” He said firmly “What matters is that he’s inside the walls, under the care of a doctor and he’s going to be fine.”

His words made perfect sense but the battle of wills between emotion and logic was a tricky one, especially when she was so tired her bones were weary and her thoughts were jumbled, like a hundred people all talking at once.

“He could have died. Because of me.” She whispered.

“Stop this!” Aaron cried, slamming a hand on the table and making her flinch with the noise. “Please, Jess. I don’t like seeing you like this. You are exhausted.”

“I just want to be with him.” He heard her say under her breath.

Rising to his feet, he rounded the table and dragged out the chair next to her. He settled sideways to enable him to see her face clearly and leaned forwards, resting his elbows on his knees.

“Okay. Um, I’m going to ask you a question and I want you to think about it before you answer me because it’s important.” He warned, noticing her side glance nervously at him.

“Okay.” She croaked.

“Are you in love with him?”

Jess began to reply without thinking, ignoring Aarons request and diving straight into her default response.

“Huh. No” She scoffed “I mean…I care about him. Sure. I think about him a lot so I’m going to care, right? Do I have loving feelings for him...? Yeah. I suppose I do. Do I love him?” She stared at the top of her wine glass where her finger was poised. Aaron could almost see the cogs turning in her head. She took her hand away from the glass and covered her mouth with it. “Oh my god” She breathed from behind it as her eyes lift to Aaron’s face. She gradually lowered her hand and it juddered in the air as she connected the dots.

“I-I’m in love with Daryl.” She uttered.

“I know, Jess. I know.” Aaron sighed. 

* * *

Denise was as firm a doctor as she could be, having worked as a psychiatrist with many varied and difficult clients, she was well versed in the art of saying no and sticking to it. For three hours she had kept up her strong stance and maintained that if Daryl was to remain infection-free and on the mend, he must stay within the walls of the infirmary, where medications and equipment were at hand and she was a knock on a door away should she be needed.

But Daryl was intolerable when he had a bee in his bonnet and argued relentlessly until Denise could take no more and almost told Jess that she would pay her in shampoo and conditioner to take him away so she could get some peace. Finally getting his own way, Daryl accepted that he had to have twice daily check ins from the doctor and start physiotherapy as soon as his wound was properly healed. He was also told that he would need to agree to help from other people and that refraining from putting any pressure on his leg for two weeks would mean he needed constant help to move around.

It was late, the streets were dark and the night guard shift had commenced. Across the still and silent streets, Rick and Jess wheeled Daryl across the road on his infirmary bed and halted on the other side. Jess handed him some crutches and when Denise hovered nearby and asked if he needed a tutorial, he waved her off in annoyance and demanded that he could do it without any help. Jess was glad he’d been re-dosed with pain meds half an hour before, because the thought of the agony that came with him shuffling from the wheeled bed and onto the crutches with only one working leg made her wince.

It took him a while, but with grit and determination, a few choice swear words at everyone present who tried to encourage him and a lucky amount of upper body strength, Daryl successfully managed to get himself into the house and up the stairs. Halfway up the staircase, he tossed the crutches to the top and used his arms to hoist himself the rest of the way up, under the watchful eyes of Rick and Michonne. Jess, who was in the kitchen with Denise, decided she couldn’t watch anymore no matter how much shameless gawking she could do at his arms. Instead, she opted to be the one to go through Daryl’s recovery plan and medications with Denise and Carol.

Jess’s attention was soon caught by Michonne who descended the stairs and sighed loudly, shaking her head and vanishing into the living room. She was closely followed by Rick, who wandered into the kitchen and swapped places with Carol after she announced she was going to take his meds to him and make sure there was nothing in his room that he could trip over. Denise wished everyone luck, knowing they’d need it if the last three hours she’d endured was anything to go by, and abruptly left the house.

Rick perched on a stool at the kitchen island across from Jess while she squinted at the label on a bottle of wine, tempted to neck the entire thing even though she wasn't much of a drinker.

“He should have stayed where Denise could keep an eye on him.” He said wearily. “He’s such a pain in the a-”

“Oh, believe me, I am not expecting an easy time. Denise warned me that all he does is complain.” Jess conveyed, pushing her lips into a thin line. “If it’s OK with you, I was going to stay the night, so I’m here if he needs anything.”

Rick picked up a jug of orange juice from the space between them and poured himself a glass, downing the whole thing as Jess watched on, sliding the wine bottle back onto the counter and pushing it away. 

“Of course, you can stay, but you don’t have to. We can handle him between us” He told her.

“I know. I want to.” She stated plainly.

He placed his glass on the countertop and studied her face. He still wore his gun holster at his waist and his brown, curled hair hung loosely over his forehead.

“This wasn’t your fault, Jess.” He assured her.

“It’s not about that” She shook her head before reaching over to the orange juice. Rick suddenly remembered his manners and poured her a glass of her own, pushing it across the marble to her. “I know he’s a miserable bastard right now, but I care about him.”

“Alright. Just don’t expect him to like the idea.” He smiled.

“I can handle Mr. Grumpy.” She chuckled.

“Yeah, you can probably deal with him better than I can” he remarked, getting up and passing her. He paused to squeeze her shoulder “Are you ok? After what happened?”

“Mmhmm. Was pretty scary but it could have been a lot worse.” She mused.

“You did good, Jess. What you had to do, that was tough. We uh, we won’t talk about how you made the guy suffer first” he mentioned with a light pat on her shoulder.

Jess grinned and giggled slightly, feeling a hint of guilt for finding such a comment to be amusing considering it was referring to the man she’d murdered. “Thanks, sheriff.”

“I’ll get you some blankets and a pillow. Unless you’re um, going to sleep next to Daryl?” He asked tentatively.

“I’ll take some blankets. Thanks” She replied, opting for the less awkward option and telling herself that even though it was quite apparent that Rick had an idea there may be something more to her friendship with Daryl, she wasn’t about to encourage addressing the elephant in the room.

* * *

Climbing the stairs of the house which was commonly known across the town as the ‘Grimes Home’ due to it being occupied by the three remaining members of the Grimes family, Jess waddled from side to side, balancing precariously on each, shiny step with her arms full of blankets and pillows. Picture frames adorned the walls depicting a family that were no more, ghosts of a time that once was, before the turn and before the house became a haven for a new family. Jess watched their happy faces fade past her as she climbed the stairs, hoping that one day, someone would replace the photos with happy pictures of Judith and Carl.

Unsurprisingly, Daryl’s room was at the end of the hall, away from everyone else’s and when she reached the closed door she didn’t even bother to knock. It wasn’t like he’d be anywhere else but laid up on the bed with scowl on his face anyway. Bustling through the door and getting blankets caught around the handle, Jess quietly cursed to herself and entered the room, dropping her haul onto the end of the bed as lightly as she could.

It was a typical suburban teenagers’ room. The bookshelf was still stocked and the walls boasted the remnants of band posters. Daryl had done little to make the place his own, his crossbow rested on the dresser and his vest was thrown across the back of a chair. On the top of a chest of drawers was evidence of bolt carving and partially made fishing floats. Feathers, pieces of wood and tools littered the surface. These were the only elements in the room that told her that he lived there now.

“What are ya doin? What’s this?” Daryl’s voice startled her; she had expected him to be sleeping due to the number of painkillers he was on. But there he was, sitting up with the covers drawn up to his waist. He was wearing a black vest and his hair was tousled, as if he’d tried to sleep but had given up. He was scowling at her.

“Ugh, lord.” Jess scoffed with a roll of her eyes. “I hoped you’d be asleep so I could avoid all your whining.”

“I don’t sleep much. What’s goin’ on?” He enquired.

Accepting that she may well have a fight on her hands, Jess grabbed a pillow from the top of the pile and clutched it in both hands.

“I brought you an extra pillow and I’m staying with you tonight.” She told him, throwing the pillow at him. He battled it away before it hit him and he collected it from the mattress at his side, tucking it behind his shoulders and settling back against it.

“No. No ya ain’t.” He said firmly while pointing at her. 

“You don’t have a say in this so don’t waste your breath.” Jess warned while the unfolded the blankets and began laying them on the floor next to the bed. Daryl’s hands rose before falling back to the bed in frustration.

“I’m fine, Jess!” He exclaimed. Jess whirled around with fire in her eyes.

“Daryl. Shut up!” she commanded “I’ll sleep on the floor in case you need anything”

“Don’t talk shit. Go home. I’ll be fine. Don’t exactly live alone” He continued.

Jess’s temper was beginning to rise but she bit her tongue and tried to remain composed and in control. He was so determined to be as independent as possible, that he would only end up doing himself more harm than good. Jess was aware of Daryl’s need to refrain from asking for or accepting any help, but this was an argument he was not going to win.

“Give it up. I’m staying.” She shrugged before sinking to the floor beside the bed and fluffing her pillow. "If you want me to leave, then you're going to have to kick me out yourself...and you can't do that right now."

It wasn’t that Daryl didn’t want her company. Under normal circumstances, he would have found a reason to be near her, to go on a run with her, to swing by Aaron and Eric’s in case she was there or he would deliberately cross over into her hunting territory. But having her see him incapacitated was not something he liked the idea of. Nevertheless, she had made it crystal clear that she was going nowhere and no matter how many irate sighs that escaped him or how many times she glowered at her, she was staying put.

“Fine. Stubborn ass woman.” He muttered.

She scanned the books on the shelf beside her, most of them teenage romance novels left from the previous occupants. It would do as something to pass the time and harked back to the many romance books she used to read as a teenager herself. In fact, whoever used the room before Daryl didn’t have such terrible taste in literature at all.

She selected a title referring to some kind of predictable and inevitable unity between a bad boy and a plain girl and figured it would make for some easy night-time reading. She didn’t know what time it was, just that it was late. The muffled footsteps of the rest of the house were padding about beyond the door on their way to bed and her body was almost as weary as it had been in the first few days of her setting out alone from the quarry.

Her eyes grazed over the first few words and her mind wandered. She was being watched and she could sense it without even looking up from the page. It was as plain as day that her temporary room mate was studying her from his spot up on the bed. She detected a small sigh, laced with the quietest of conflicted, raspy growls.

“Get up here” She heard him say.

“What?” She queried with both eyebrows raised innocently. Having no plans to move, and no intention of sleeping anywhere near him, confusion swept across her face and she slowly turned her head to see him peering at her with a mildly annoyed expression.

“If ya gonna stay at least sleep on a bed. There’s enough room for the both of us. Get up here” He ordered.

Jess hesitated. This was a new level of boundary pushing and one she wasn’t sure she was comfortable with. It would mean mere inches of space between them and a palpable silence for hours throughout the night during which time she was very likely to just lay there, mulling over the same thought.

_I’m sharing a bed with Daryl._

“Are you sure? That’s not weird for you?” She asked.

“No. It ain’t. I’ma change my damn mind if ya keep askin’ questions” he complained.

The more she considered it, the more enticing the idea was. After all, it was a good opportunity to indulge a little in secret and after everything they’d been through, her having murdered someone and offering up her blood to aid Daryl’s recovery, she figured she’d earned it. As long as it wasn’t so strange that her insecurities and naturally awkward nature around a person so attractive forced her to ruin everything.

“OK, OK.” She agreed, attempting to sound as though it was more a chore than anything else. She got to her feet, kicked off her boots and lay back on top of the covers, dragging a blanket from the floor across her legs. Opening her book, she started to read from the first word again but her concentration was nowhere to be found. Her eyes looked over the words but nothing sank in. Before long, she sensed the familiar feeling of being watched, once more.

Daryl hated the idea of her putting herself out for him. Her staying with him was bad enough and if he was going to be forced to endure her seeing him in such a state, he just wanted her to feel restful and secure and as she read by his side, she undoubtedly was not either of those things. He rubbed at his face with one hand, wondering how he should proceed with coaxing her to relax a little more. Then, he noticed the pimpled texture of her skin. Goosepimples, she was cold.

“You’re cold, just get under the covers.” He suggested.

A rush of apprehension and nervousness settled in Jess’s stomach and for a moment, she thought that whatever the storyline in her book depicted, her real-life situation was unravelling at an alarmingly more rapid rate.

_Pity this doesn’t end like the book does._

“I’m fine, really.” She assured him with a small smile. But he refused to stop glaring at her and she wondered why. She was sure that she would have given just about anything to be able to hear his thoughts at that precise moment.

“Ya know I aint gonna touch ya or nothin’, right?” He expressed.

Jess dropped the book in her lap and gawped at him, her expression shocked and saddened. Why would he ever think that such a thing would cross her mind? There were plenty of people she could have expected such behavior from but Daryl was the safest and most protective person she could have been with in that moment and the fact that he’d even pondered something so ridiculous deeply concerned her.

“Why would you even say that?” She questioned at the same time as turning her body and laying on her side, now facing him completely to show that she was not afraid to address the huge issue he’d just brought up.

“Guess I don’t want ya to think I’m like that.” He reasoned. “I aint no asshole. Would never touch ya. Unless ya… wanted me to or somethin’. I dunno. Shit. Just-just forget I said anythin’.”

 _Good job, jackass._ He thought. _Stop fuckin’ talkin’._

Jess’s face dropped and her eyebrows knitted together in sympathy. It wasn’t something she could honestly say had ever crossed her mind. Not even once. She didn’t need to be told he wasn’t a creep, or entitled, or disrespectful towards her in the slightest. She just knew. The one thing that stunned her even more than the notion that he would ever touch her in that way, was the mention that he quite possibly would if she wanted him to. She had no idea what to make of such a statement and her hands began to fidget at the tricky subject matter. Was this true? There was the distinct possibility that the painkillers were playing a part in his loose tongue and she dared to hope that it was fueled by anything more than that.

“OK” She started with a deep breath “Listen to me.” As she spoke, she braved holding eye contact with him. The importance of her answer meant he had to know she was sincere. “I would never, ever think that of you. I feel safer with you than I do with anybody else. Of course, I know that you would never do that to me. I’m actually kinda sad that you felt the need to tell me that.”

Daryl was nibbling on his thumb, hiding his true expression behind his hand and searching his brain for a response that wouldn’t make the situation worse. He dropped his hand and looked down into his lap.

“Aint much trust associated with bein’ a Dixon.” He mentioned. “I never had a friend like you neither. ‘Specially female. They just tend to assume shit about guys like me.”

“Oh my god.” Jess groaned, sliding onto her back and down the bed until her head was on the pillow and her hands were covering her face. “You are breaking my heart here. Stop it!” She cried. Taking her hands away, she noted his nervous demeanor and wondered where the hell this was all coming from. It was highly unusual for Daryl to talk about something so personal, let alone be the one to bring it up. Sitting up again, she ran a hand through her hair and blew the loose side strands up into the air with an exhalation.

“I trust you. You believe me when I say that, don’t you?” She asked.

“Yeah.”

“Then I don’t ever want you to bring this up again.”

“K” he grunted. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” She scoffed. Quiet fell around them with neither one knowing how to change the atmosphere to a more tolerable one. Jess thought humour may well have been the only way and so, opened her mouth without thinking.

“At least I know you would if I wanted you to. Lucky me.”

Daryl, who wasn’t expecting to have to deal directly with his revealing and potentially dangerous comment, did something he didn’t normally do. He panicked.

“I didn’t mean that I-well, well I did. I-I just-If ya wanted…Y’know what? Never mind.”

“Yeah, never mind” She echoed stiffly.

“It’s the Oxy. I don’t really know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout here. My head’s fucked.” He lied.

“It’s fine. Let’s just brush that one under the rug.” She offered, much to his relief at the escalating horror rising in his chest. As he quelled the uneasiness and irritation at himself, he noticed Jess wriggle under the top cover, leaving the barrier of a sheet between them. A decent compromise, he concluded.

She lay on her side again, this time with her book on the bed between them. Her fingers pulled up the pages, fanning the edges over and over and creating a light flickering sound.

“There is something I wanted to say to you” She murmured. “While we’re sharing.”

“What’s that?” He enquired, worried that he would be faced with yet another conversation that was going to make him squirm.

Jess’s eyes crept along his bare arm, lit by the flickering glow of two lanterns either side of the bed. He was inches from her face and she resisted the temptation to trace her fingertips along his skin, down over his bicep to his forearm. The thought almost made her drool and she turned her attention back to what she wanted to say.

“I’m glad you saved me and all. Thank you for that. But it’s time someone told you that you need to take care of you.” She said.

Daryl hesitated, taking in her words and trying to remember a time when there was ever anyone that openly cared as much about him as Jess did. He couldn’t think of anything, because there wasn’t one. No one had ever cared like she did and the feeling was unfamiliar and strange.

“I’m fine, Jess.” He mumbled.

She pulled herself further up, forcing him to turn his head and look her in the eye.

“No, you’re not. You have a gunshot wound that could have been a lot worse and furthermore, if you don’t take care of you, think of all the people around here that need you and won’t have you. Like Judith and Carl and…and me.” She explained.

The corner of his mouth curled up and she was surprised to find him smirking at her.

“Did you just say ‘furthermore’?” He questioned in amusement. "The fuck is _that_? _"_

“Forget it. Get yourself killed. See if I care.” She bit back. Dismayed by him making a joke of what was supposed to be a genuine plea for him to at least try and place some value on his own life.

“Alright. Sorry. I get it...” He backtracked after sensing her downtrodden reaction. “…I do. But I’d still take another bullet for you tomorrow.”

It was a declaration that Jess never anticipated to get from anyone, let alone the man she had fallen for. The insistence that he would, indeed put himself in deaths grasp to ensure her safety. Never before had she met someone so selfless and courageous and while she was touched and inwardly emotional at the thought, on the outside she sighed with exasperation and closed her eyes briefly.

“Daryyyyl” She groaned.

She opened her eyes when she felt him touch her hand. He covered her fingers with his own to garner attention and once he had it, he quickly moved away. Peering down at her and holding her gaze, he wanted her to see it from his perspective.

“Look me in the eye n’ tell you wouldn’t do the same.” He challenged.

It was an intense moment, charged with so many unsaid things that Daryl swallowed hard and pondered over what else he could say and blame on the Oxy. But without the knowledge that she would undeniably feel the same way about him, he was not going to risk losing what he deemed to be a rare and precious connection that he never thought he would be lucky enough to have.

“Only for you.” She whispered.

_Because I love you._

Then, he knew she understood his motives and reasons for doing what he did. She cared just as much as he did but it didn’t mean he would ever let her take bullets for him or even experience so much as a scratch. To him, she was a person so valuable that the prospect of losing her didn’t bare thinking about.

“Think we have an understandin’.” He concluded.

“No. I don’t like this. I don’t want to not have you around” She argued.

“Good thing you’re hangin’ round here like a bad smell then, aint it?” He commented, trying to lighten the mood by poking fun at her.

Jess could only offer up a forced huff of amusement as she looked over at his nightstand which was now home to a pile of wound dressings. There it was again. The ‘what if’ train of thought that Aaron warned her would drive her crazy. What if he’d been killed? What if she had to carry on without him?

“Jess, I aint goin nowhere.” He said seriously. She looked up at him and he realized her eyes were bloodshot. A single tear raced down her cheek and she sniffed and tried to force it away. He reached out and wiped the dampness away from under her eye with his thumb. Her cheek tingled and she very nearly said it. It was on the tip of her tongue, waiting to be freed. The six, little words that would change everything. But her heart on her sleeve would only destroy it all. 

_I am in love with you._

“You’re tired. Go to sleep.” He cooed at her.

She nodded and snuggled down next to him. It was all she could do to hide her desire to just kiss him and explain it away afterwards. In the light of the lantern on the nightstand, he focused on her hand by his side and licked his lips as he toyed with the idea of holding it. He wondered what her reaction would be and decided to brave it, lacing his fingers with hers. She didn’t pull away and gently gripped onto him instead. After a few minutes, he thought her to be drifting off to sleep, but what he couldn’t see was that she was staring at her hand intertwined with his, a small smile on her face and a feeling of some kind of subtle triumph in her heart.

* * *

Its was the birds that woke her. A sound she didn’t hear as much now the world was decaying. She didn’t know if it was food being scarce or migration, but there were fewer birds around than usual and so, their melodic chirping from the roof of the house was a pleasant and relaxing way to wake from what had been a deep slumber. Her eyes were heavy and her limbs felt like they were made from cement as her body slowly woke up. A soft, cushioned surface under her cheek warmed the side of her face and she snuggled against it, emitting a contented sigh.

It was a first for Daryl. He peered down at the sleepy form of Jess, nuzzled against his bare arm with a hand draped over his wrist and thought that he could maybe get used to it. Waking up next to a pretty girl sleeping on him was certainly a nicer way to start the day, if only his leg wasn’t screaming with pain. He inhaled slowly, forcing his mind away from the agony and focusing instead on Jess and her dark eyelashes and the subtle pink of her lips.

Jess wasn’t sure if she’d ever moved as fast in her entire life than she did when she opened her eyes and realized she’d been sleeping nestled onto Daryl’s arm. On the one hand, she was truly horrified and on the other, slightly smug that she’d managed to cop a feel, albeit unintentionally. She sprang up, blinked rapidly and crawled away from him, bringing her legs up and sitting back against the headboard.

“Oh, Uh. I’m sorry. I don’t how I ended up…there.” She stammered upon noticing he was awake.

“S’alright. Mornin’.” He greeted, aware of her discomfort and watching her run her hands through her hair and adjust her T-shirt. She glanced down at his arm where a fading, pink mark had occurred from her using him as a pillow.

“Did I, did I drool?” She asked.

“Nah. Ya snore though.” He said casually, biting his lower lip and stifling a grin.

“I do?! Oh my god. I’m so sorry, I-” She rambled.

“-I’m kidding.” He interrupted with a snort of laughter.

“Oh.” Was her grunted reply while she felt the panic in her chest begin to disappear.

Daryl lifted a hand and gently smoothed a thumb over the damp skin below her bottom lip, seeing her freeze and her eyes widen.

_That’s the second time he’s touched me like that._

“Ya did drool. A little” he told her.

“Oh god” She groaned covering her rapidly reddening face with her hands. She could hear his gruff chuckle from beside her and hazarded lowering her hands. She was met with a wide grin, one that she would happily look at for the rest of her days. Something happened to him when he smiled. Maybe it was because it was rare and that it was only really her that he gifted with such a sight, but she thought that in those quick moments he looked genuinely happy and she could only hope that she was even a part of the reason why.

“Stop laughing.” She complained, playfully slapping at his hand. “Jerk.”

* * *

The ten days after Daryl gaining a hole in his leg and the feeling of being imprisoned behind the walls of Alexandria, his relationship with Jess remained the one thing that provided him with some means of escapism. Her kindness and devotion to his recovery only built up his feelings for her to a powerful level and he had become more sure than ever that if he ever got a sign that she saw him the same way, beyond any reasonable doubt, he would take the opportunity to act on his feelings. 

But all he could do was hope and admire her while she ignored his requests for her to take some time out and look after herself. She brought him food, administered his meds and helped him to and from the bathroom when Carol and Carl were not around. Jess’s absence during the mornings was noticed by Deanna, who quickly tasked Michonne with security cover and compiled a hunting team from the other residents to ensure that food didn’t become an issue. Rick was determined to find the rest of the group that Daryl’s assailant was from and along with Glenn and a couple of the others, had been away for days, scouring the woods and abandoned buildings for anything that would lead them to discovering how much risk such a group posed.

For four nights Jess slept by Daryl’s side, careful not to end up drooling on his arm again. Her days were spent playing cards with him and discussing a wide range of topics, some of which Daryl wasn’t even aware he had an opinion on. But Jess had a knack for that; revealing things about him that he would never have previously discovered himself. It took some adjusting to let her take care of him, but she brought the best out in him and despite his sometimes low and snappy mood at being trapped in the house, he was never rude or ungrateful to her.

Denise checked in regularly and gave Daryl the all clear for any infections in his gunshot wound. Her next step was to enlist everyone to persuade him that he needed to take it easy and practice some physiotherapy to aid his recovery. Believing that he just needed to be allowed outside to carry on doing what he always did, Daryl did nothing but complain about being useless sitting around all day.

When Jess was sleeping or out of the house for some reason, Carol tried her best to ease him into the idea of doing just a few of the exercises in the book that Denise had left him. Every time, she was met with a gruff dismissal, usually coupled with a cuss laden mumbling about how it wasn’t going to work anyway.

One evening, when Jess had finished up a meal kindly cooked for her by Aaron and Eric, who were consistent in offering her their spare room, use of the shower and many meals since Daryl had been shot, she arrived at the Grimes home to find a grumpy looking Daryl perched on the edge of his bed wearing black sweat pants and a sleeveless, black button down on which he’d neglected to fasten the top two buttons. Jess rolled her eyes. Sometimes, she thought he could hear the thoughts that travelled through her head and liked to play on the fact that she couldn’t look at him without going weak at the knees.

“Carol said you refused to do your physio.” She said, dropping her bag in the corner of the room and sliding a physiotherapy book from the dresser. “Your leg will seize up if you don’t and you’ll be hopping around like a cripple for a hell of a lot longer than you would if you’d just humor us and do as your fucking told.”

It was a new thing he’d discovered about her. She didn’t suffer fools and quickly became stern with him if he dared to argue with her about anything to do with his recovery. He could tell she genuinely cared and as a result, she would shoot him down and put him in his place without so much as a blink. He couldn’t deny that a part of him liked her pushy nature when she was tested and he would have gone as far as to say he’d met his match.

“Fine” He grumbled. “But this ain’t gonna do nothin’.”

She moved closer to him, offering him her arm to help him stand. He accepted it and she eased him to his feet. He was able to apply a certain amount of weight on his injured leg which was a good start and Jess was sure that the more he complied and just listened to Denise’s advice, the quicker he would be back to his normal self.

“It will, that’s what it says in the book.” She countered.

“Fuck the book.” He snapped.

“For god sakes, Daryl! Stop acting like a damn kid and just do it!” She cried, tugging on his arm and guiding him over to the wall. He hobbled along beside her and risked a couple of glances at her face. Her jaw was pulled tight in annoyance and he knew that she was likely to get pretty mad at him if he didn’t give in.

Allowing her to help him balance on his good leg and hold onto the wall, she talked him through quadriceps stretches as per the instruction in the book and stood close by, with her hands hovering around him in case he lost his footing while he put it into practice.

“OK, good. That’s good. A little higher. Great.” She encouraged.

Obviously in pain, he grit his teeth and Jess could see sweat emerging on his forehead. Once he’d completed one exercise, she helped him through the rest, sometimes having to take his weight or help him to the floor and up again. He very reluctantly accepted her aid and tried to ignore the warmth of her body against his and had no idea that she was thinking the exact same thing. She counted him through each movement and when she tried to let go of his hand once he was sitting safely back on the bed. He held onto her and stared at her.

“Ya ain’t gotta do this with me.” He said.

Jess sank down onto the bed beside him, squeezed his hand slightly and let go.

“I knew you’d start this at some point. I’m not going anywhere. I know you, you won’t do your physiotherapy otherwise” She explained.

“Look, just get Carol to rat me out if I don’t. You don’t need to be here everyday” He told her.

Her heart fluttered with a flicker of sadness. She shoved away the notion that he was sick of the sight of her away and told herself that she was assuming the worst without having the facts. She smiled slightly and held his gaze. Despite his injury, she liked seeing him in this environment. In his room, in his sweatpants and not covered in dirt and toting a crossbow for a change. Not many people got to see him like that and she was grateful that he trusted her enough to let her be there for him.

“Do you want me to leave?” She asked.

“Naw. Not at all. Just don’t want ya wastin’ ya time stuck here with me every day” He expressed.

Glad that she’d not reacted too hastily, Jess nodded and brushed a few strands of hair from in front of his eye. She liked his eyes and being able to see them had revealed a lot more about him over the course of the two weeks she’d been spending so much time with him. More than anything, she’d learned that he said so much with his eyes without having to actually say any words at all.

“Time enjoyed is not time wasted.” She smiled.

“Enjoyed? Tryin’ to tell me you _enjoy_ this? I wasn’t born yesterday, Jess.” He protested.

“I enjoy your company, you grouchy bastard” She replied, leaning towards him and nudging his shoulder with hers.

He gave her a thoughtful smile, his eyes scanning her features until she retrieved a small towel from the bed behind him and wiped his sweaty brow for him. He briefly closed his eyes and simply enjoyed having her tend to him, thinking that if someone was to explain to him two years back that he would be so taken in by the pretty nerd he’d met in a quarry at the end of the world and for the first time would have feelings that went way beyond friendship, he would have laughed in their face.

“Thanks” he mumbled quietly.

“I’ll put it on the tab.” She commented.

“Tab?”

“Your ‘reasons I have to be nice to Jess’ tab.”

“C’mon, like I need reasons.” He admitted. He didn’t, being nice to her was as natural as breathing. She didn’t grate on him like most people did, she didn’t make him feel suffocated or cast out or like he just didn’t belong. When he was with her, he did belong and he was sure that she belonged right be his side too. If it was as a friend or anything more, he was going to leave it up to her. “This one of the things about you I didn’t know?”

She felt a spark of excitement when she put two and two together and realized that he was referring to the flirtatious exchange they’d had after the party. The exchange she still hadn’t managed to get any clear answers about. It wasn’t like it wasn’t on her mind. It niggled away every time she saw him. She’d struggled to find the right moment to ask and, in the end, had admitted defeat and opted to leave the whole thing alone.

“What does that mean?” She wanted to know.

“Nurse Jess” he smirked.

“Maybe. But I don’t just do this for anyone.” She conveyed. As a naturally caring person, Jess was known amongst the few people that made up her small tribe of friends, as the one that would bend over backwards to make sure the people that she loved were okay. Some tried to take advantage of her kindness and that was when her efforts could only be pushed so far before she cut them off altogether. It was true, she didn’t do it for just anyone and in their present situation, Daryl was one of very, very few people that she would happily give up her routine and solitary life for.

“Then I guess that makes me pretty honored” he said.

“C’mon, all you do is complain about ‘Nurse Jess’.” She reminded him, part of her message being in jest and the rest of it being the truth as she saw it.

“Nah, m’complainin’ bout the situation.” He corrected very deliberately.

“Oh, glad you clarified that.”

What preceded a long pause was another big risk from Daryl. He had no idea why he had the urge to toe the line of flirtatious exchanges. Maybe it was the way her cheeks flushed pink or the shy giggle she couldn’t help. Or, maybe it was the temptation to tell her how he felt and the idea that she could possibly feel the same. He had no idea, but he pressed ahead anyway, confident in the fact that he wasn’t being obvious enough that his comments couldn’t be explained in a more platonic way, should he need to.

“Not sure nurses are sposed to sleep in their patient’s beds” He said out of nowhere.

Jess was busying herself folding the towel in her lap and she paused and stared down at the carpet when she heard his remark.

“Yeah? File a complaint.” She shrugged with one shoulder and the smallest, yet still detectable of smiles.

“Nah” He grunted “That’s one thing I aint gonna complain ‘bout.”

She glanced up at him hesitantly, finding the most gorgeous of suggestive smiles waiting for her and she was sure she was melting.

“Right.” she whispered. Then, there it was, that small giggle that he wanted to see. “Okay.”

_I aint ever gonna get tired of that._

* * *

A coldness on the side of her head was a much more unpleasant way to begin the day than with the singing of the birds beside Daryl in his bed. In her fairground home, she sat up and wiped a hand over the damp mass in her hair. Then, a single drop on her forehead made her jump and she craned her neck upwards, examining the ceiling and noticing a rotting and saturated mass of paintwork right above her. It was raining all night. Dragging herself out of bed, she dressed and checked her reflection in the mirror, something she now did every morning without fail. Her appearance was becoming more important to her since she’d grown a lot closer to Daryl and the odd glance in the mirror gave her the confidence to know that he wasn’t talking to a hot mess every day when she accompanied him on the morning hunt. It was a compromise they’d made with Deanna. Jess would chaperone Daryl on the hunt until his leg was fully healed and Daryl could get outside the walls and stop snapping at everyone like a tiger in a cage. Jess had also started wearing her hair down more often, knowing that Daryl could rarely resist the temptation to tenderly move it from her vision if it blew in the breeze and each time he did, it was like a fix from a drug that she was more than happy to submit to. It was the little things to her. The way he rolled his eyes when she called him ‘stinky’ and the way he huffed bashfully every single time she was feeling bold enough to call him ‘handsome’.

When she arrived in Alexandria, she headed straight for Deanna’s place and asked if she could have some roof tiles to fix the leak in her ceiling. Deanna immediately agreed and refused any kind of payment, telling jess in no uncertain terms that she wouldn’t have such issues if she were to just move inside the walls. She was even offered the corner house which was unoccupied and big enough for at least six people to live there comfortably. Jess declined once again, expressing that she’d feel like a fart in an oil drum in that huge house and that the fairground was more comfortable.

Upon collection of her tiles from the garage that housed building materials and tools, Jess set off with a ladder under her arm and headed for the gate. The sky was threatening more rain, its heavy, gray cloud becoming more ominous by the second and the wind gaining momentum. She could detect the faint rumble of thunder in the distance. There was no doubt that she had to get the roof fixed before the whole thing collapsed and she had to move into the oil drum after all.

Daryl was ambling along the street smoking the last of a cigarette when she crossed his path without even noticing him.

“Hey” he called out “That don’t look like huntin’ stuff.”

She stopped walking as he neared her and looked down at her gloved hand and the two tiles she held.

“Oh, No. I have a hole in my roof. I just need to repair it and I’ll come back and we can go.” She explained.

Although he could walk, he was limited to certain distances and still displayed a limp, much to his annoyance. Denise explained that the damage to the muscle and tissue in his leg meant he would need time and patience to get it back to full working order with no pain. He was getting there, Jess knew that much, but the progress was nowhere near as quick as he wanted it to be.

“I’ll give ya a hand. Shouldn’t be goin’ up on the roof out there by yaself.” He decided, taking the tiles from her.

“You can’t go up a ladder.” She mentioned.

“Sure I can, I’ll be fine.”

“No, Daryl.” She said, snatching the tiles back from his grasp. “If you want to help you can hold it still and make sure I don’t break my neck in this wind.”

Not giving him time to quarrel with her about it, she surged on with Daryl in tow, thanking the gate guard and marching through the woods to her home.

By the time Jess reached the roof of the diner. The wind was howling through the trees and lashing at her, sending drops of rain and leaves flying at her like she was in a wind tunnel. Her hands gripped onto the end of the ladder, turning her knuckles white while she solidified her balance on the top rung. From inside her coat, she tugged out a tile having kept the other one safely on the ground as a spare in case she discovered more holes in the roof.

She wobbled in the wind while leaning over and attempting to slide the tile into place. It was a perfect fit and Jess was glad of it. But the remnants of the previous tile meant the hole needed to be cleared of shards before the new one could be slotted into place. She worked as quickly as she could, throwing bits of broke tile onto the grass below.

“Just switch up with me, won’t take long.” Daryl called up to her.

“No!” She shouted back, over her shoulder.

“Shit, Jess. Were ya always this stubborn?” He asked.

“Pot calling the kettle back, stinky! Now, shut up and let me work!”

“Stinky. Bad books. Right.” He muttered to himself.

Finally able to fit the tile, she wiggled it into the square space, tapping the edge and feeling it secure just as a powerful gust of wind overpowered her at the top of the ladder and caused her to lose her footing. She grappled for the ladders handle and missed as the roof shot up in front of her and a searing pain engulfed the right side of her ribs. Before she could make ant kind of noise, she’d accepted her fate. She was falling and was likely to be injured if the burning across her ribs was anything to go by. Towards the end of the ladder, her right leg looped through one of the gaps as Daryl managed to grab a hold of her before she hit the floor.

His strong arms wrapped around her waist, bunching up her jacket and thick, armored vest. It occurred to her that she still hadn’t hit the floor and that Daryl had caught her mid-air. He was humming instructions in her ear but none of them were registering as adrenaline thundered through her body. Her hands shook and her knees were trembling as he hoisted her up with all his might and told her to pull her leg out of the ladder. She didn’t hear him but managed to figure out what she needed to do regardless. Her leg dislodged easily and when her feet hit the floor, she almost buckled and ended up crumpled on the grass. If it wasn’t for Daryl, who had spun her around to face him but was still clinging to her waist while she caught her breath, she would have been face-down in the middle of the fairground.

“Y’alright?! Ya hurt?” He fretted, still keeping his hands where they were, on her bare skin under her top.

“No, just a-just a scrape I think.” She breathed.

“Where? Show me.” He demanded, looking down at her. It wasn’t until he tried to step back that it dawned on Jess that she was gripping his forearms like her life depended on it.

“M-my ribs, where I slipped. The handle, up there. It’s probably just bruised. It’s-it’s fine” she tried to break away from him, but he held on firmly.

“Naw, hold up. Ya tremblin’.” He told her.

For some reason, her mind went straight to his injury and she began to worry about the fact that he’d been stood on it for so long and had also had to endure holding her weight on it after catching her.

“But your-your leg.” She stammered.

“Doesn’t hurt. Can’t even feel it.” He lied “take a breath.” They locked eyes and his hands slowly moved down to her hips. Sensing she would scurry away like a frightened animal if he were to let go, he softened his voice and loosened his grip slightly. “Show me where ya hurt.”

“No. There’s no need.” She quickly answered.

The wind blew about her face and the chill it brought with it was beginning to bite. Her side was stinging, aggravated further by the cold. Daryl, who was wearing a leather biker jacket under his usual vest, had dressed for the weather, but Jess had failed to do so, believing that her regular clothing would suffice and not anticipating a storm to be rolling in.

“There is, coulda cracked a rib. Just let me feel for any breaks. I spent my childhood dealin’ with broken bones n’ I had a hell of a lot of fights in my time. I know what I’m lookin’ for.”

“I know you do. I just… don’t want to.” She confessed.

Then, the penny dropped and so did his hands. It was suddenly very clear why she was so averse to letting him check her for any injuries. She was nervous about showing him anything under her clothing. He watched her vision drop to the floor and nodded to himself. It all made sense now.

“Do you trust me, or not? Because one minute you’re sleepin’ in my bed n’ the next, ya won’t let me check ya to make sure ya aint hurt.” He stated

She looked up at him with big, pleading eyes, full of worry that she’d offended him and also that she’d have to explain what was going on in her head. That her insecurities didn’t just drop off with her weight loss. That she still didn’t like what she saw when she looked in the mirror. That she was deeply in love with him and didn’t want him to think her disgusting or ugly. But she did trust him and knew he cared.

“I do. I do trust you.” She assured him.

“Then let me take a look. It’s just me. S’alright.” he soothed

When the wind blew her hair across her face, he brushed it aside for her, taking a split second to ghost his thumb over her cheek. Her breath caught in her throat and it was then that she accepted that if she was going to trust anyone with this, it should be him.

She gingerly lifted the hem of her vest, drawing it up to just under her bra. He leaned down and she observed his eyes sweep over her skin, squinting slightly which indicated that there was, in fact, something to look at. Her eyes bulged when he went to place his fingers over her ribs and she jolted away. Closing her eyes and sighing.

“I’m sorry. Go ahead. I’m just not used to being touched.” She admitted.

“Yeah, me neither” he mumbled. “It won’t take a sec”

She nodded and felt her entire body tingle with electricity when he began to gently feel over her ribs, pressing at each one and frowning.

“Shit” he hissed, tracing his fingertips over the large red patch on her ribs. She flinched and held her breath. He applied light pressure along the mark “this hurt?”

“A little” she croaked.

“Your chest or back hurt?”

“No”

He placed his whole hand against her skin and her attempt not to react paid off. The warmth of his palm was a welcome relief from the cold that was licking at her skin from the wind. Daryl positioned his other hand on her shoulder

“Twist ya body, towards me. Breathe in” He instructed. She complied with complaint, having faith that he knew what he was looking for and from what she could tell so far, it certainly wasn’t his first brush with potentially broken ribs. The thought was a sad one when she thought about why a person would have such knowledge through experience alone.

“K. Now breathe out. Any pain?”

“Not much”

“It aint broken, gonna have a big bruise though.” He warned, dropping his hand from her shoulder but leaving his palm flush with her ribs, only unintentionally dropping it an inch or so. Her eyes nervously found his staring right back at her and he swallowed hard. She was showing him all kinds of firsts without having a clue about any of it. Having never felt anything for a female before, the intensity of the tension between them was stifling to him. Standing there with her, with his hand on her smooth skin and lost in the uneasy beauty of her eyes, for the first time, he wanted to kiss her more than anything. His gaze dropped to her lips and in the back of his mind he wished that his knowledge of how to deal with his feelings for the pretty nerd reached as far as his knowledge of broken ribs did. He wanted to, but he didn’t. He’d already told her he couldn’t lose her again and one kiss could ruin everything.

“Thank you.” She breathed, breaking the atmosphere and moving back. The contact was broken and Jess tugged her top down. “Is your leg OK?”

“Forgot all ‘bout it” he admitted. Her beautiful, soft skin had distracted him away from the discomfort and it wasn’t something he was likely to forget any time soon.

* * *

Two nights had passed since Jess had faced Daryl’s warm and not altogether uninviting touch. He was right about her rib; it wasn’t broken but it was bruised enough to render her as useless as a chocolate teapot for a couple of days, during which she spent time awkwardly trying to avoid having to discuss what had happened at the fairground with Daryl by avoiding him altogether and playing board games with Abraham while he drowned himself in whiskey on Aaron and Eric’s front porch.

Her avoidance of Daryl hadn’t gone unnoticed but far from being angered by it, he understood that whatever had transpired between them both was complicated and he needed time to process it. He couldn’t be sure that Jess felt the same, or if she even felt anything at all, but he’d been pushed to the brink of an act that was so out of character he felt like she was changing every part of him without even trying.

But being away from her wasn’t an option for too long and eventually, he found himself wandering the town in the dark on the way to Aaron and Eric’s, the now mild pain in his leg humming just enough for him to notice, but being more of an irritation than anything else. As he rounded the corner from the main street, Abraham breezed past him in a cloud of alcohol and slapped him on the back, bidding him a good night in a slurred sentence that was barely comprehensible.

Jess was swaying on the porch swing, reading the book she’d started in Daryl’s room the first night she stayed with him. He climbed the stairs and noted the two whiskey glasses and a bottle on the table. The rapid and unusual change in the weather from a storm to humidity and warmth past dark meant that Jess had taken off her camo pants and wore a pair of shorts and a tight tank top. For the first time, Daryl was able to see how much her body had changed and had to make a marked effort to drag his eyes away from her. Her hair hung loosely around her shoulders.

 _Damn, girl. No wonder Abe spent the evening here_.

Hearing his footsteps on the decking, she glanced up and closed her book. Daryl wasn’t the only one that had been mulling over the fairground incident at every given opportunity. What he didn’t know, was that she felt it too, only she had no idea what was going on in his head at the time. It was the closest she’d ever come to making a move on him but the physical contact with no barrier made things difficult and brought her insecurities to the surface. Guessing his stance on any of it was nigh on impossible. All she had to go on was that she was in love with her best friend, who, she couldn’t only assume, simply liked to watch her blush every now and then with a flirty comment.

“You two drinkin’ together now?”

Her back prickled at the sound of what could have been seen as yet more jealousy concerning the friendship that had blossomed between her and Abraham. Or, was it simply an observation? She wished he was easier to read.

“Why do you ask?” She tried.

He didn’t know the answer himself. Just that his blood boiled whenever Abraham touched her, or joked with her, or made her laugh so hard she had to wipe tears from her eyes. He hated the way she sometimes gravitated towards him and refused to ask him to stop making suggestive comments towards her. He hated that she was so comfortable with Abraham, yet with him, she was completely different.

“Curious I guess.” Was all he had to offer.

“Right. To answer your question, he drinks and I scold him for it” She informed him as she slid the book onto the table and patted the swings cushion at her side. Daryl took his cue and sat down beside her, enjoying the rhythmic and soothing rocking of the swing.

“So, you got friends here now?” He questioned. She was different to when she’d first revealed her identity. She was more open to conversation, to teaming up for runs and actually turned up to a party. She was changing and he was seeing more and more of the old Jess peeking through. Her guard was lowering and he wanted to know if it was going to stay down.

“I’m coming around to the idea.” She mentioned breezily “You make it a little difficult to stay so stubborn.”

She shifted and bent one leg, tucking her left foot under her right thigh and draping her arm over her bent knee. She was now facing him with one foot on the floor that was controlling the speed of which the swing swayed.

“Me?” He questioned.

“Yeah, you. You’re my favorite.” She smiled.

He grunted and almost commented that actually, it seemed like Abraham was her favorite.

Jess got up and moved to the edge of the porch, gazing up to the stars and stretching her arms above her head. Through his hair, he allowed himself a peep of the appealing curves of her waist and hips. A conflict raged inside him.

_Don’t be an asshole. You shouldn’t be lookin’ at her like this. But hot fuckin’ damn, she cleans up real good._

Jess was busy, wrapped up in her own thoughts for a long time while Daryl watched her every move and bit down on his lower lip.

“I could take you to my boat.” She hummed up to the sky before looking over her shoulder at him. When her eyes met his, he flinched out of his guilty but highly enjoyable daydream.

“Um…Ya boat?” He queried.

She turned and glided back to him, standing over him and gracing him with her shiny lips curved into a playful smile.

“I lived there for a while before I found the fairground. I still go there sometimes, when it’s not too cold. You’d like it. Far away from everyone…. Just you and me. You interested?” She wasn’t intending for it to sound like she was presenting him with an offer laced with sexual tension, it had merely transpired that way and she’d done nothing to rectify it. When his reaction wasn’t one of pure horror, she figured that maybe, just maybe, she could play him at his own game.

Daryl was enthralled and was gawping up at her with his mouth open. He slowly raised one eyebrow.

“Hell yeah, I’m interested.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nice long chapter! Long, revealing conversations, lots of dialogue and a topic that is almost never referred to in apocalyptic novels, fan fics, TV shows or films.  
> Comments always appreciated! Thanks to everyone for reading <3

Smoke filtered out through the open window, plumes of grey rising up to the sky from the illuminated bud at the end of Daryl’s cigarette. His morning cigarette was probably the one he looked forward to the most. He took up his usual spot on the window ledge with a coffee in one hand and his smoke in the other and watched the sun peep over the horizon. The streets were always empty save for the guards and it was one of the things he was grateful for at Alexandria, one of the small home comforts he had gone without for so long. It was now part of his morning routine once more. Rise early, shower, grab a coffee and smoke by the light of the sun rising before setting off on the hunt.

He would usually always see Jess around the same time, sitting on the same fallen tree trunk and checking her bow and bracers. It became more than a coincidence after the third time he’d ran into her there that the both of them somehow just accepted that it was now a rendezvous spot and the place they’d use each morning to greet one another and throw the odd competitive comment around. Daryl was aware he was the better hunter, but he had been hunting since he was old enough to hold a crossbow without dropping it. Jess only had a years’ experience but was holding her own, rarely returning to Alexandria empty handed. Whoever turned up the most fruits of their labor, he enjoyed their trash talk regardless.

On this particular morning, she was nowhere to be seen and he compelled himself to pay no heed to the fact that she was absent. She had fast become the highlight of his days and was the first thing he looked for when he embarked on yet another twenty-four hours of uncertainty. The air was crisp and he could see his breath form small, white clouds as he moved out into the woods and began to look for animal tracks, a task which usually commanded his complete attention but this time, only garnered a small percentage of it. His mind wandered and soon, he found himself wandering without a purpose through the trees and paying little attention to anything but putting down the odd Walker and his lack of self-restraint when it came to entertaining the memory of the captivating curves that Jess possessed.

It was uncommon for Daryl to think of such things, to see the women he encountered as anything more than acquaintances, friends or just other human beings. He never understood why Merle objectified them so much, it never seemed to get him much further than a slap in the face or a punch from an unhappy husband in a bar. There was a time, during high-school that he ruminated upon something being wrong with him due to his lack of interest in the opposite sex. He knew he wasn’t gay, but felt very little pull towards girls either. One female in particular did pique his interest and while he felt a connection to the strange personality of the girl that ate lunch with him and drank hard liquor with him in the park, he wasn’t sure if he could call what he felt an attraction at all. He thought her to be pretty, nicer to look at than all the others, but it was more of a comfort, to have someone else around other than Merle that wasn’t going to cause him harm and that genuinely liked his company. But it was short lived and he quickly found out that he wasn’t up to the task of conveying how he felt, resulting in his only potential mate giving him the cold shoulder and acting as if he didn’t exist. However, it wasn’t an issue he spent much time deliberating over, he had other things to worry about, like the abuse he would have to go home to or the drugs he carried in his bag to save Merle from getting arrested for dealing.

It wasn’t until he was in his late teens that a physical attraction to women finally presented itself. But Daryl wasn’t like other young men his age, not under the tough, troubled and violent façade he presented. Deep down, he was shy, sensitive and broken by years of beatings, run-ins with the cops and his brothers shadow looming over him as the only role model in his life. No, Daryl was certainly not gay, but he did find himself gravitating towards quieter girls with intelligence rather than the overdone, brash women that his brother spoke so highly of.

“Skirt like that, it’ll do anything ya ask if ya get it drunk enough, little brother” Mere would say.

Daryl laughed along in encouragement, cheered with the rest of them in dive bars when Merle managed to bag himself someone that looked halfway between a stripper and someone’s grandma, he even hit on women in his brother’s presence to save face which was the only extent of his flirting expertise. But underneath it all, he simply didn’t understand what all the fuss was about.

Fear wasn’t something he was familiar with either, not since he was a child and had to endure the horrors of a poor, substance addicted, violent family living in the Georgian mountains. He’d honed his fear, turned it around and used it to mold himself into a survivor, and as a result was always one of the first to run into a fight or dangerous situation. It wasn’t that he never felt fear, it festered in his mind and trembled in his hands just like everyone else, he had just learned to acknowledge it and solider on anyway. But there are different types of fear and what lay heavy on his heart as he trundled through the woods and slumped to the ground against a tree was a kind of fear that he’d never felt before. It had bounded out of nowhere like a wolf in the night and struck him so powerfully that he could barely apply himself to much else, other than thinking of her. It angered him, it was not who he was and such a distraction made him feel weak and vulnerable.

But her effect on him was now wildly out of his control. She terrified him with what she made him feel. He had no names for it, no way of explaining it and all he could do was persevere in the hope that one day, he would figure it all out. But when she looked at him and made him crazy, when she giggled in response to his flirting, when she wore tight clothes and when she teased him about near enough anything, she was striking fear into him at the same time because for the first time in his life, he felt something so strong for someone of the opposite sex and didn’t have a clue what to do with it.

That afternoon, Daryl leaned with his back against the wall by the gate and waited for Jess’s arrival. He couldn’t deny that he’d been looking forward to this day since she invited him on front porch of Aaron and Eric’s house with her faintly suggestive invite that he hadn’t been expecting in the slightest.

Aaron wandered past with a box of canned goods from the pantry and nudged his head up in acknowledgement. Daryl pushed away from the wall and approached him, with one hand fiddling, absent mindedly with the foil from the empty packet of cigarettes he’d just disposed of.

“Hey, no recruitin’ run today?” He asked Aaron.

“Ah, nope. Rick Still hasn’t found any traces of that group you and Jess saw. Recruiting is on hold until we know we’re not going to be bringing back public enemy number one.” Aaron explained.

Daryl grunted and nodded, smoothing the foil between his fingers into a ball and flicking it across the street.

“How’s the leg? You don’t seem to be limping much anymore.”

“S’good. Thanks to Jess hassling me all the damn time.” Daryl remarked with a squint from beneath his hair.

“Ahh, she’s a good one.” Aaron responded “It’s nice to see you two so close these days.”

Without having any control over his defenses, they shot up and Daryl immediately became suspicious.

“What does that mean? We’re friends.” He stated.

“Oh, I know. I just noticed that you get along well. You make a good team.” Aaron offered casually in the hope that it might suppress Daryl’s obvious irritation. His comments seemed to work and Daryl shifted his weight to his stronger leg, glancing back and forth from Aaron’s smiling face to the area around them, looking for any prying eyes or listening ears.

“She uh…she tell ya about this boat she lived on?” He enquired nervously. Far from wanting to seem too interested in anything to do with Jess for fear of someone figuring out what was happening in his head, he was curious as to why she would invite him to such a place, and figured that Aaron may be his best shot at some information.

“Oh, yeah. She lived there for a few months. Said it was the best place she’s ever lived. She was self-sufficient, safe, sounded to me like she was quite content there before the big freeze hit and the lake froze over. I think it’s her happy place.”

Aaron’s answer only turned up more questions for Daryl, who was now closely watching Aaron’s expression.

“Any idea why she’d wanna take me there?” He risked.

Aaron’s eyebrows shot up and he tried to disguise a wide smile. He knew exactly why Jess would invite him there, he just couldn’t disclose it. The boat was indeed, Jess’s happy place. She got to live in the lap of luxury in complete safety, surrounded by fish to eat and sun to bask in. It was the only place she’d lived that didn’t feel like it was in the middle of the end of days. For her to invite Daryl there, meant she wanted to share her happy place with him, because she loved him.

Aaron knew he had to proceed with caution, saying the wrong thing could land Jess in a whole world of humiliation and he was pretty sure she would chop his head off with her machete.

“She’s never taken me or Eric there. Just…consider yourself honored.” Was all he said with a small wink. “Anyway, I should get this box home, we’re making cookies for the Monday meeting. Eric roped me into it. I’ll see you later.”

Daryl stayed in the same stance as Aaron moved off, confused and questioning the reasons why he would provide such a shady and vague answer and also wondering who else may have noticed how close he and Jess had become. Then, he realized just how long it had been since he’d arrived at the gate. Jess was late.

“Hey, wait a minute” He called out. Aaron paused with his box clutched to his chest. “Ya seen her today? She’s ‘sposed to be meetin’ me here.”

“Yeah, she’s in the armory.” Aaron chirped with a nod before resuming his journey back to his home.

Daryl was confused. It was unheard of for Jess to be late and he couldn’t figure out why she would be in the armory when she’d told him to be at the gate at the same time. He set off in the direction of the underground, firearm’s storage room with his pace quickening as he approached the building. Taking the steps two at a time, he halted halfway down and felt fury explode in his chest.

Inside the armory, Jess was sitting on the desk with her leg propped up on the arm of the chair below her. In that chair, sat Abraham who was carefully showing her the components of his assault rifle. She appeared completely fascinated and totally unaware of Daryl’s presence when he materialized in the doorway with a scowl on his face and his skin crawling with jealousy.

“See, honey. Aint nothin’ like a man with a great, big gun.” Abraham beamed at her.

She leaned back and laughed loudly, covering her mouth with one hand and slapping his arm with the other. Decked out in her usual, dark armored clothing, she was a world apart from the breezy, shorts and vest clad woman he’d sat with on the decking that night. But her smile was still the same, and he still loved the sound of her laugh, even if it was for someone other than him.

Jess raised her vision when she noticed the figure standing in the doorway and dropped her leg from the arm of Abraham’s chair. The big, ginger man swung the seat around to follow her sightline and raised a hand, coupled with a wide smile.

“Hey, Daryl! Come to join firearms 101?” He cheered.

Jess’s face quickly dropped when she registered the anger written all over Daryl’s body language. His arm was positioned across his body, holding onto the strap of his crossbow over his shoulder and creating a barrier. His head was low, he glared at her through the gaps in his hair and he stood unwaveringly still.

Then, she remembered.

“Oh my god!” She gasped with wide eyes, throwing her hands up to her face and covering her mouth. “Was that today?! I forgot! I’m so sorry, Daryl!”

“Huh. Figures.” He spat. He wasn’t sure what he was even going to follow it up with, all he was sure of was that he was getting sick of seeing how happy she seemed to be around Abraham. So happy in fact, that she’d forgotten about the trip they’d planned. The trip he’d been looking forward to. The trip he was starting to think of as a pinnacle in the evolution of their friendship. It wasn’t that he had plans to confess his feelings or anything of the sort, but it was a chance for them to be together, alone and away from everyone else in an environment where she felt comfortable and at ease and who knew what possibilities that may have held.

“Daryl, just give me twenty minutes and I’ll-” She started

“-Naw, It’s fine. Really. I wasn’t waitin’ on ya like a fuckin' idiot or nothin’.” He bit at her.

“I’m sorry, please-” She begged, jumping down from the table and reaching out to him. He pulled away, his eyes flicking from her to Abraham, who was watching the drama unfold while gently stroking at his mustache.

“-Y’know what?” Daryl growled at Jess “I aint interested.”

With that, he vanished through the door and was up on the street, thundering towards the gate before Jess could even exhale and begin to figure out how to make things right.

* * *

Channeling Carl, Jess spent most of that evening sitting on the bench by the pond and ruminating over what had happened in the armory. She hadn’t expected such a fierce reaction from Daryl and she could only figure that he’d been looking forward to getting out and doing something other than hunting. Since Rick’s small group had been scouring the area for the group the man that shot Daryl was from, all runs and recruiting had been put on hold unless there was a desperate need, which there wasn’t. Hunting was still allowed and that was the only saving grace for Daryl, who was getting serious cabin fever and as a result, Jess could see it affecting his mood. He’d been angry at her before, but this time had been different. His eyes held something other than rage and it was still staring her in the face in her memories. He was disappointed as well.

She removed her jacket from the bench next to her when Rick strolled over and sat down. At first, he said nothing ad Jess noted the dark circles under his eyes and the weariness with which he held his body. He was exhausted.

“Evening, Sheriff.” She hummed. “Any luck?”

A deep sigh was detected from the noble leader of the group, the man that was fast becoming a secondary and well-respected leader of the entire town along with Deanna.

“It’s like they’re everywhere, but nowhere. All at once.” He replied.

“They have spotters.” She mused “The guy that shot Daryl. That’s what he was.”

“Yes, he was. You’re right. They’ve been out there long enough to know how to cover their tracks” He said with a nonchalant raise of his hands while he leaned forwards on his knees.

“Keep going.” She urged. “You’ll find them. I know you will.”

Rick murmured a small thanks and relaxed back on the bench, he threw one leg over the other and picked at the seam of his jeans at his knee. The sun had gone down and the only light illuminating the pond other than the moon was the orangey glow through the windows of the nearest house. Jess looked down at the jacket on her lap, it was new. Or, as new as new could get at the end of the world. She’d picked it up in the same abandoned house where Daryl had told her about the girl that liked him in high-school. She’d noticed it hanging on a coat rack as soon as she arrived and shoved it into her bag straight away. It was black leather, fitted and with a fabric hood attached to the neckline. She remembered the comment that Daryl had expressed when he first saw it. Apparently, she was stealing his style.

“Carol said he’s not spoken to anybody all day.” Rick stated. He didn’t need to give her any context, confident that she would know exactly who and what he was talking about. After all, it was the only reason she was still in Alexandria, sitting by the pond and not at home at the Fairground.

“Oh god.” She whispered.

“What happened?” he wanted to know.

“I arranged to meet him today at the gate. I have this boat. I used to live on it. I wanted to take him there. Y’know, get him outside the walls for something other than hunting? And…before you say anything, it’s way out of the search zone. So, I wouldn’t have been breaking your rule or interfering with the search in any way.” She paused to take a deep breath, seeing shrug a shoulder and shake his head as if to convey that he knew she wouldn’t have done anything to hamper his search anyway “I got the day wrong. I forgot. I was with Abraham in the armory.”

Rick took a moment to let her explanation sink in before he reacted, but he didn’t have much at all to say, already knowing that Daryl would have made it quite clear what he made of the matter.

“Oh.”

“Oh? You say that like it’s the worst thing in the world!” Jess cried.

“You should try and talk to him. It’s been a few hours; he might have simmered down.” Rick suggested.

“Depends how many walls he punched and how many cigarettes he smoked.” Jess remarked as she slid her arms through the sleeves of her jacket and wriggled it on.

“He’s done a whole pack according to Carol. Although the walls in our house are still untouched” He informed her with a small smile. Jess stood up and gathered herself, hoping by the time she reached the Grime’s house that Daryl would have calmed down.

“Right. OK. I’ll try. Thanks, Rick.” She sighed. He reached up and pat her arm as she passed.

The porch light was on but the usual occupants of the front porch reading session were nowhere in sight. Even Carl and Judith were nowhere to be seen, which only made things worse for Jess. She’d imagined Daryl keeping his temper under wraps in front of spectators, especially children, but without their presence he was free to yell at her as much as he wanted. She regretted refraining from seeking him out earlier, but her gut told her it was best to let him be, she only hoped that it didn’t look to him like she didn’t care. Because she did. In fact, her whole day had been taken over by sitting around and trying to find ways to make it up to him.

Her knock on the door seemed to be louder than she’d ever heard. Maybe it was her heightened awareness of everything or her nerves, but she glanced over her shoulder, thinking she’d alerted the attention of the entire street. She stepped back and waited. Slowly looking up when the door clicked open and Carol stepped into view. She wore a floral blouse, much the same as she usually did. But it did little to soften the hard look on her face and all of a sudden, Jess was painfully aware that she was not Daryl’s only friend.

“Evening Carol.” She squeaked, stopping briefly to clear her throat. “Is Daryl here?”

Carol tilted her head back and pursed her lips, looking down her nose at a very sheepish Jess.

 _This woman is like the gatekeeper._ She thought

“You were with Abraham, weren’t you?” She asked.

Jess furrowed her brow and thought over the relevance of Abraham being in the equation.

“Yeah, how did you…? Why?” She questioned back.

Carol steeped further out of the doorway and turned, peering through the gap to ensure no one was listening. She pulled the door almost to a close and faced Jess again. When she spoke, her voice was only slightly above a whisper.

“He’s not mad that you forgot. He’s mad that you forgot because you were with Abraham.” She explained.

Jess was still confused but bit by bit, the pieces started to add up. The reason he’d asked if she had friends here, the reference to her drinking with Abe, the way he averted his gaze or huffed to himself every time a suggestive comment was directed at her. She pondered that maybe just didn’t like Abraham but remembered that they were on the road together for a long time and when they were on runs, they worked well together. Could it be some other reason? Could it be that Daryl was _Jealous_ of her friendship with Abraham? She tried to remember a time aside from forgetting to meet him at the gate when she’d treated Abraham any different to Daryl and could only conclude that she actually felt, and acted, closer to Daryl.

“He tell you that?” She questioned Carol.

“He doesn’t need to.” It was a stony and arrogant response that told Jess; I know him better than you and I can tell why you’ve angered him. But Jess could be just as difficult if she wanted to be and she wasn’t about to be patronized again.

“I don’t need another telling off from you.” She snarled “Please… is he here? I just want to apologize to him and then I’ll go.”

Carol deliberated for a few moments, detecting the sincerity and genuine sadness in Jess’s demeanor and rolled her eyes, pushing the door open behind her.

“I’ll go get him.”

* * *

BY the time Daryl appeared on the front porch, Jess was nearly convinced he wasn’t going to show up at all and was readying herself to get up from where she was sitting at the table and make tracks back to the fairground. She breathed a sigh of relief when he crossed the decking and took up a seat opposite her, lighting a cigarette and reclining in the chair. It was difficult for Jess not to notice the arm that propped up on the table, toned and highly aesthetically pleasing. She wished he’d worn his jacket, meaning she wouldn’t have to adopt a constant awareness of what she was staring at.

For the most part, he seemed calm enough, but he had refused to look at her since he’d taken a seat. Jess didn’t really know how to approach the situation and decided to just run in, full force with her apologies or, she was likely to sit in silence and stare at him all night.

“I’m sorry, Daryl.” She uttered. At the sound of her voice, his head twitched slightly to one side and he exhaled a large cloud of smoke. “I’m so sorry. What I did today was shitty. I’m a shitty friend.”

“Naw, I get it.” He told her “Ya got a better offer.”

“No, Daryl! No! That’s not it!” She pleaded, her voice rising and her body leaning across the table to him. She didn’t notice until her palm connected to the cold surface of the glass topped table that she was literally reaching out to him “Please, let me take you to the boat tomorrow. I’ll make it up to you. Please.”

It was enough to urge him to twist in his seat and make eye contact with her and in the moment that he did, his anger appeared to vanish completely.

“Ya actually gonna show up?” He asked.

“Yes! I know I messed up. I didn’t mean to upset you.” She assured him “I would never…I-I screwed up. Okay?”

“I aint upset.” He spat, turning back to the road and taking another drag of his smoke. Jess could see with her own eyes that he quite clearly was upset, but his tough exterior and disinclination to acknowledge his emotions meant he wasn’t about to admit it.

“Uh, I think you are.” She scoffed to herself.

_I know you, Dixon. Don’t lie to me._

Jess retracted her hand and began to tap at her thigh beneath the table, anxious that he would just get up and leave without a word, or refuse her offer and never speak to her again. She knew in her heart that he was a little more forgiving than that, if he could get over her abandoning the quarry and hiding her identity from him for weeks, he was probably going to forgive her for this mishap. But the insecurity in her meant she jumped to the worst conclusion and found it problematic to get past it.

Minutes past and Daryl extinguished his smoke. He didn’t move. Didn’t even look at her. Jess was becoming so on edge she started counting what felt like the longest seconds she’d ever tolerated in her life. She got to three minutes before she detected that the drumming on her leg had increased and was actually loud enough for Daryl to hear. She stopped moving and searched her mind for something to break the silence.

“Tomorrow.” He finally said.

“Ok. Yes. Tomorrow. Thank you.” She blurted out swiftly.

Daryl stood and slowly walked back to the door. Jess, not wanting to linger for any longer than she was welcome, decided to follow him and veer off to the steps.

“Hey” He rasped from behind her. She turned as she balanced on the second step, on tenterhooks. “How ‘bout we just write-off today? Start over.”

The air left Jess’s lungs in a whoosh and her shoulders sagged, a thankful smile spread across her lips.

“I would like that very much.” She admitted.

“Alright” He agreed “If I don’t see ya huntin’, I’ll meet ya by the gate. Midday.”

“Definitely” She said to herself. “Goodnight.”

He watched her leave the steps and cross the grass verge outside and took a minute to evaluate their conversation. He was angry, very angry and for a number of hours. But in holding onto it, he would have backed himself into a corner. A corner where he would be driven to come clean about the exact reason for his rage; that she had forgotten about him in favor of Abraham. Seeing her had chased away his fury in an instant and as long as he’d lived, no one had ever managed such a feat. He’d missed her. Not even a full day had passed and he’d missed her chatter and her jovial attitude. There was no way he could stay angry at her for long and as he stood there and watched her near the gate, he was glad of that.

* * *

The drive was gratifying enough for Daryl, the sun was high in the sky and the comfort of its warmth glowed in the trucks cab as Jess drove them along back streets and dirt tracks with the windows rolled down and a quiet tune being hummed for the duration. Conversation was minimal, as it had been from the moment that he’d met her at the gate. It wasn’t that he was still mad at her or was trying to prolong the silent treatment, he simply didn’t have much to say and preferred to steal glances at her as she switched gears, took corners and maneuvered the vehicle over bumpy terrain.

He noted that outwardly, Jess conducted herself much the same as she normally would but with a hint more enthusiasm than usual. A small change that could have been for a number of reasons; she could have been excited to show him the boat or, she was making a genuine effort to do as he’d suggested the previous night and start over. Whichever it was, he was pleased to be by her side again and grateful to be outside the walls.

Jess pulled the truck into the well-hidden track that led down to the gate. Rolling it to a stop, she climbed out and wandered up to the fence, peering through and checking for any signs of life. There were no footprints, not even any animal tracks and that in its self was a miracle to her. She was still baffled as to how no one had found such a diamond in the rough, but thanks to its overgrown track, fortified gate and high fences, the lake prospered in a world that was dying.

Hearing Daryl close the truck door behind her, she beamed at him and pointed in the direction of a hole in the fence that she’d used as an access point when she lived there. A dense and layered line of undergrowth provided a lot of cover for the man-sized hole in the wire that Jess rolled up and secured as she gestured for Daryl to duck through first. Once he was safely on the other side, she joined him and fastened the fence back together again, leaving it looking as thought it was completely untouched.

From the small, deserted beach, Daryl could see a jetty and one, single boat floating in the middle of the lake. It was a large boat, big enough to hold a family of four, maybe more and looked to be modern and well-kept save for some aesthetic issues like algae growing on the hull. He spied Jess smiling next to him and fiddling with her hands excitedly.

“You kiddin’ me, right now?” He asked “ _that’s_ your boat?”

“Well…technically not _mine_ per se” She reasoned “But no one’s claimed it so, yeah. It’s mine.”

“That aint just a boat, Jess. That’s a frickin’ yacht” He observed with an impressed tone.

“Uh huh” She agreed as she set off for the jetty. “C’mon, I drove so you’re rowing.”

It was as innocent a request as any, that was as long as Jess kept her ulterior motive to herself. Sitting cross legged opposite Daryl as he rowed them to the side of the yacht didn’t make for a terrible sight at all. In fact, she made a mental note to request that he always do the rowing in future.

When Daryl climbed aboard the deserted, luxury boat, he blinked rapidly at the sight before him. Everything was spotless and as impressive as the outside was, the inside was even more so. A vast living area was split on two levels with a fully fitted kitchen at one end. The while upholstery, accessorized with gold, floral cushions was spotless and aside from a few specks on the carpet, the whole room looked as though it hadn’t long been bought from brand new. The kitchen countertops were littered with empty cans and packets of food and mounted on one wall, were fishing rods, axes and various tools, including shovels and other gardening equipment.

Jess dumped her bag on the countertop of the kitchen island and began rummaging through it, looking for the packets of nuts and potato chips she’d managed to get from Olivia at the pantry. It was uncommon that she asked for much, so on this one occasion, Olivia agreed to let her have her pick of the snacks and nibbles provided she was conservative with her selection. As she searched and gathered everything up, Daryl slowly paced around the room, trailing his hand over surfaces and spending a while examining the fishing rods on the wall.

“When I found it, it was only occupied by two very well-dressed dead people. They checked out. Blew their own brains out. I tossed them overboard and it became mine. Funny how Gucci belts rot like the rest of them.” Jess explained as she pottered about “I’ve never seen another soul in this place since I’ve been living here. Not even any footprints on the shore. The water is clean and the fish are edible. Like a parallel universe. Without rowing out here it’s pretty difficult to get to so it’s secure enough.”

Daryl reached a cabinet by some dining chairs and a table and opened it up to find a vast array of different types of glasses. One for every possible beverage. He shook his head in disbelief and started down the narrow hall.

“This place is amazin’. Like some kinda famous person lived here.” He commented.

“I know, it’s three times the size of the apartment I had before the turn. I just can’t use it in the winter. The lake freezes over.” She told him “The door at the end is the master bedroom. It’s a little messy. It’s only ever been me here so I didn’t really have a need to make the bed. The door on the left is the bathroom and the one on the right is a smaller bedroom. It’s full of dead crops at the moment.”

Taking everything in, Daryl opened one door at a time, peering inside and sometimes stepping into the rooms before reappearing again and moving onto the next door or cupboard to discover what was inside. To him, it was like entering another world. He’d been on plenty of boats in his time, but never a yacht and never one with such amenities. He noticed that even the toilet was compostable, meaning it probably worked and with the help of a generator for water heating, the shower most likely did too.

Jess watched his amazement with a satisfied smile as she leaned on the kitchen counter. In all the time she’d known him, she’d never seen him so fascinated and interested in something besides hunting and his motorcycle and she felt proud that she was able to provide him with a break from the norm and one that he would enjoy.

“Bring me the generator from the smaller bedroom and we can have dinner here. I’ll pour us some drinks” She stated.

He nodded and ducked into the room, returning seconds later with a small generator which he handed to Jess with an awkward glance. Now, he was all too aware that the two of them were alone and would be for a number of hours in an environment that, aside from Alexandria, was the nicest and most bloodstain free as he’d seen since before the turn. What’s more, it was one of her domains and he felt like a teenager being invited over to a girl’s house while her parents were out. Not knowing what to do with himself, he hovered near the door and scanned the beach in the distance through the window.

“Why don’t you grab a seat outside? I’ll meet you out there.” Jess suggested.

Grunting in agreement, he clicked open the door and entered the warm sunshine. The deck was clean, the chairs and table scrubbed and neatly arranged, in the middle there was a raised semi-circle with fixed bar stools around the outside. He charged over to it, his eyes wide in astonishment just as Jess joined him with a bottle in one hand, two glasses pinched between her fingers and a bag of potato chips under her arm.

“There’s a fuckin’ bar out here?!” He exclaimed. She chuckled at his surprise, placing the bottle and glasses on the top of the bars surface as he took a seat. “See why ya come back here sometimes” he mentioned.

“It’s not just because it’s a nice boat. It’s because I made it mine. Just like the fairground. I worked hard to secure it and make it somewhere I could stay until I had no choice.” She surmised. Daryl hung on every word until he noticed the bottle of whiskey in her hand as she poured their drinks.

“The hell ya get that?” he demanded

“Secret stash. Thought you’d appreciate it. Although it’s Texan, so it’s better than all the rest.” She winked, taking a seat across the bar from him. The surface wasn’t any more than two feet wide, meaning with their hands resting on the top, they were closer than either of them realized. “Think of it as a peace offering. I really am sorry for what I did yesterday.” She met his eye but he quickly looked away while taking a gulp of his drink and wincing at its warmth.

“Guess he’s just more entertainin’.” He let slip, closing his eyes momentarily in frustration as he internally cursed himself for being so off the cuff. Jess stilled with her glass halfway to her mouth. She slowly returned it to the bar and tilted her head at him.

“Why would you say something like that?” She asked.

_That just great. You fuckin’ idiot. You’ve screwed yourself over now. May as well just ask what you want to ask._

He fidgeted in his seat and Jess pushed her lips into a thin line when he threw the rest of his drink down his throat and slammed the glass on the bar. She didn’t know why, but his body language had changed considerably in the passing seconds. His jaw was pulled tight and he sat back away from the bar, crossing his big arms across his chest and hugging his torso. He appeared so uncomfortable that Jess almost told him to forget she’d even asked.

“You n’ him, you like a thing or somethin’?” he muttered with his vision cast out to the gently lapping waves around the boat.

“What?! No!” Jess cried, ruining the peaceful sound of the water tickling at the hull “We’re friends. We just get along. That’s all.”

He didn’t move an inch other than performing his usual, deep thinking ritual of nibbling his bottom lip.

“Just…seem close.” He mused.

Jess sighed and did a small double take at the potato chips. She stuffed her hand in the bag and chucked a couple into her mouth, chewing as she picked through possible responses to his observation in her mind. To everyone else, she did seem close to Abe and she knew that. But it was quite clear they were just friends and she enjoyed the kind of banter with him that she had with the male friends she’d had before everything went wrong. But what she had with Abraham was different to that of the connection she felt with Daryl. Very, very different indeed.

“I’m not that close to anyone.” She commented “Except you.”

He nodded once and finally awarded her the eye contact she wanted so she could at least try and work out what was going on in his head. Feeling the need to clarify a significant factor on the topic, she leaned towards him slightly and gestured to him with her glass as she spoke.

“Did you know that Abraham is actually with Rosita? Like, she’s his actual girlfriend.”

Another nod was his sole reply and Jess was altogether more confused than ever. Why would he ever have an issue with her being friends with Abraham if he knew that he was paired off with someone else? It was becoming evident that she was going to have to apply a little more pressure to get to the bottom of what was now a baffling conversation.

“Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?” She asked.

“Depends how personal.” He grumbled.

“Please” she urged.

“Alright. Fine. Can’t promise i’ma answer.” He shrugged nonchalantly.

Adopting Carol’s directness and ability to demand the truth, Jess readied herself for a flat refusal to reply to her question, but she needed to try anyway. She thought of the possible implications; he could flare up and get angry at her again, he could close up altogether and cement his defenses, or he could give her what she wanted which was a straight answer. Whichever way, if she didn’t ask, she would never know.

“Were you mad at me because I forgot, or were you mad at me because It was Abraham I was with?”

If he was trying to hide his discomfort, he was failing. Jess observed him sigh loudly, his exhalation laced with a growl and she hoped it wasn’t aimed at her. He leaned forwards on the barstool, using his elbows to brace himself and taking time to rub at his beard with one hand. The energy he was giving off was palpable and there was a discernable testiness, especially when she heard him cuss under his breath. She didn’t know why and it may have been out of place during such a tense moment, but she panicked and decided to top up both glasses and help herself to more chips. By the time she’d finished tinkering with everything on the surface, she found him glaring right at her.

“Both” He uttered.

_Carol was right_

“You were jealous.” She acknowledged.

His eyes dropped and he stared down into his drink for a moment. Having not touched his re-fill, jess wondered if it was wise to be drinking during such a taxing conversation. He chewed on his bottom lip and she waited with baited breath for his response. She was learning; just wait and he would answer. Push him, and he would retreat into himself.

“Maybe” He grunted. “I dunno”

She exhaled a large breath and blinked as she looked down at the decking between her knees. Terrified of prodding at his temper again, she was at a loss for what to say and the silence between them was thickening. She forced herself to speak, having no idea if he was jealous in a romantic way or because she spent time with Abraham in general. She decided to be play it safe and be honest, to an extent.

“OK. Um. OK.” She started “You…” She reached across the bar, gently placing her hand on his forearm. “…are my favorite person. Ever. I have never met anybody like you before and I highly doubt I ever will again.”

“Ya aint gotta do that.” He snapped, moving away from her and rising to his feet.

“Do what?” She enquired.

He flicked a dismissive hand in her direction. “I don’t need that reassurance bullshit.”

While she was busy fretting about Daryl’s temper, she’d neglected to maintain her own and it rushed to the surface at his comment. Before she could contain it, she was on her feet and slapping both hands on the bar.

“It’s not bullshit.” She told him. “And I think you do need it. No matter how vulnerable it makes you feel. I’m trying to be honest with you and it’s fucking terrifying and kind of irritating so if you could take me seriously, I’d appreciate it.”

Shocked at her clapback, he let a let out a brief huff and quickly diminished the slight smile of disbelief on his lips. It dawned on him from the irate look on her face that he’d offended her and a wave of regret engulfed him. He cleared his throat and gave her a quick nod, hoping that she would recognize that reassurance was not something he’d ever had the luxury of experiencing and therefore, was way out of his depth in dealing with it.

“Can I continue? Or would you like to pity yourself a little more? I don’t have all night” She spat.

It was one of the things he now knew he liked about her; the fact that she wouldn’t take any crap and if she was pushed, she could fight back like the best of them. He suspected she was always like that but it was heavily masked when he knew her back at the quarry due to the big personalities and overwhelming similarities Sarah and Jodie had to high school bullies. Showing her that he was, in fact, serious. He sat back down on his barstool and managed to hold back the need to smile at her defiance.

“I like Abraham. He’s nice and funny and we share a lot of the same interests now I want to get to know my firearms. He’s the type of guy that I just get along with. But he’s not you. I’ve never had a connection to someone like I do with you. It’s weird and nice and scary all at once. So, there really is no need for you to be jealous.” She paused “He just flirts outrageously with me from time to time”

He watched her closely as he exhaled slowly and Jess secretly worried that she might have made things worse by the expression on his face. He seemed troubled, almost pained but he was too difficult to read. He looked away, back at the beach while he finished up his second drink, placing the glass on the table in front of them and taking in the sparkling view of the water and the clear blue sky. Jess finished her drink and accepted that it may well have been the end of the conversation and she still didn’t feel like they’d reached any kind of compromise. It felt unfinished but she was at a complete loss as to what else she could say to him. So much time passed that she felt her stomach start to growl and picked up the bag of chips, nibbling noisily on them and wondering why the hell they were even still sitting there.

“Can’t blame him. You’re real pretty.” Daryl mumbled out of nowhere.

She rapidly turned her head to face him, her mouth falling open, full of partially chewed potato chips. She was astonished and could only gawp at him for what seemed like forever. Daryl was positive he could have counted at least a full minute before she spoke.

“That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me” She whispered before quickly chewing the rest of what was in her mouth and swallowing hard.

Daryl had now waded so far out of his comfort zone that he didn’t seem to be giving any thought to what came out of his mouth which was unheard of when he was with anyone else but Jess. Somehow, she made him say and do things that were out of character and how she managed it was a complete mystery to him. Nervously, he played with a loose piece of thread hanging from the bottom of his shirt under his vest with his head dipped, but he could sense the burning of the tips of his ears.

_What the fuck am I doing?_

“Oh my god.” Jess whispered to herself.

“C’mon, don’t make it no big deal” He pleaded self-consciously.

“You think-you think I’m _pretty_?” She stammered having already made it a huge deal. It was a first. Having believed for her whole life that she was not the girl that guys wanted to date, Jess hadn’t been the happy recipient of such compliments and while other girls reveled in them, she could merely hope that one day, she would be able to do the same. She didn’t see herself as pretty, or attractive in the slightest and as a result, she struggled to take Daryl’s admission as gospel. Now, she was the one that needed the reassurance.

“Yeah.” He grunted.

“Really? For real?” She continued. If she was coming across as a little flabbergasted, she didn’t care in the slightest.

“S’what I said, aint it?” He snipped at her, feeling out of control and exposed. After a deep breath he regained his composure and softened his voice “Course I do, dumbass.”

“Thank you.” She blushed “that’s a huge compliment. Especially coming from you.”

Her cheeks and nose were raging with warmth and she could see her reflection in the chrome beam around the bar’s counter. She was a deep shade of red and expected Daryl to be smiling at her smugly like he always did when he’d managed to embarrass her. But when she flickered her eyes up to his face, she was met with confusion.

“Why?” he asked.

She shifted about in her seat and huffed nervously. Should she have another drink, or was that a bad idea? It would provide her with the liquid courage to say what she wanted, but once it was said, it couldn’t be taken back and there was one, sizeable confession that she did not want to admit off the back of a drunken conversation on a boat that wasn’t likely to remember. She pushed the botte away and Daryl noted her intention, internally agreeing with her.

“Um…” she tried “you even seen yourself?” She said under her breath

Daryl couldn’t help it, he flinched.

_Does this mean she still has a crush on me?_

“I ain’t nothin” He shrugged.

“Oh, shut up.” She scoffs with a small, nervous laugh “badass, big-armed, blue-eyed archer with a soft side. Yeah. Sure. You’re ‘nothing’” Her air quotations only made it all seem even more ridiculous. Like Jess, Daryl was never on the receiving end of a compliment, let a lone so many in one sentence and from someone that occupied his thoughts on an uncomfortably regular basis.

“Get outta here, girl.” He laughed shyly.

_That really what she thinks of me?!_

The delicate pink hue across his cheeks and nose diminished rapidly but she loved every, single second of the sight of it she did that. She made him blush and that told her that maybe, just maybe, he was happy that she thought him to be more than just a redneck from the mountains.

“You’re just as bad at taking a compliment as I am, it seems.” She pointed out.

“Not used to it.” He told her.

“Same” She agreed “You believe me though, right?”

“You believe me?” he shot back, feeling braver once his cheeks had simmered down and locking eyes with her.

“I believe that’s your opinion, yes.” She expressed.

“Same with you.” He smiled.

Neither of them could tell how much time had passed between Daryl's last comment and when he finally jolted and coughed, breaking the tense silence around them and the searing eye contact that had left them both teetering on the edge of making some kind of move, even if neither of them knew exactly what.

They finished off the bag of chips and after Jess retreated inside to fix them up some food, Daryl hovered around the deck, pacing and thinking that this might be the closest thing he’d ever had to a date. That was, if she felt the same. He knew she thought him to be decent looking and that thought alone was enough to make him smirk to himself. The longer he spent with her and the more he tested the water with flirtatious lines and compliments, the surer he was that he liked her more than he liked anybody else. He’d never breathed a word to anyone, but Merle had known it too and on the odd occasion, he wished he could just speak to his brother and ask him how he managed to pick up on it before he even had a clue himself. One thing loomed over it all; she was his best friend, his one and only exceptionally close soul who he would miss horrendously if was were to change

He refused any more whiskey for fear of bringing an abrupt end to what was becoming one of, if not the best days he’d had since the turn, maybe even ever. His limits when he drank became blurred and his personality changed, he altered to a more aggressive, blunt and unpredictable version of himself. A version that he hated and never, ever wanted to inflict upon Jess. Far from wanting to tell her as much, he simply suggested that he should save the rest and make it last.

When night began to fall and the crystal clear, blue sky made way for the velvet blanket of night with it’s twinkling stars, Jess and Daryl lay on two sun loungers on the decking, both staring up to the sky and enjoying the blissful, noiseless ambience of being on a boat with the best company they could have wished for. With no more than a few inches between their sun loungers, Jess wished she could just reach out and take his hand on more than one occasion. But it would stay as a subtle fantasy and something she could only hope would be allowed to happen one day.

“Your leg seems a lot better” She observed.

“Yeah. At last.” He replied. He was positioned with one arm behind his head, his black shirt pulled up and revealing a slither of bare skin above his waistband. Jess had already clocked it, and shifted onto her side so she could admire the view, which was turning out to be much more entertaining than the stars. “Listen, thanks for everythin’ ya did.” He continued “I know I aint easy to be around sometimes.”

“You don’t need to thank me. I’ll always be here for you.” She wanted him to know. “Although, I should point out that you’re lucky I was even around to help you. My mother almost became a nun and if she had, I’d never have been born.”

He turned his head to see her grinning at him. He wished he knew more about her, about her past and who she was before. He knew of her nerdy side and it wasn’t lost on him that she was sometimes shy and nervous, disbelieving that he could possibly think she was anything other than the ‘little, fat chick’ that his brother had referred to her as. He wanted to know more and he raised an eyebrow in interest.

“Really? A nun?” He questioned

“Yep and if it wasn’t for my love of a couple of the deadly sins, namely Gluttony and Sloth, I may have followed suit. Right into the convent.” She said. Her finger traced along the seam of the sun lounger, up and down in front of her.

“Can't see you as a nun” He chuckled

“Hey, don’t mock. I’m a nice, innocent girl” She insisted “I mean, I certainly wasn’t going to miss one of the sins. Never really been the object of anyone’s Lust.”

It was a tempting concept to him, to tell her that she most certainly was the object of someone’s lust now and before he could control it, the words were tumbling from his lips, albeit in an a barely-there whisper as he looked back up at the sky.

“Yeah, that ya know of.”

For a split second, Jess almost laughed out loud from thinking his comment was intended to be funny or some kind of joke. But when he didn’t laugh and acted as though he’d said nothing at all, she suddenly grasped that he had meant to think it rather than voice it.

_Does that mean he…? No. Surely it doesn’t mean…? Oh, god!_

Once again, her face exploded with heat and she rolled over onto her back, praying that he wouldn’t catch a glimpse of how coy she’d become.

But he already had. From his peripheral vision, he could see her raise her hands and cover her face for a few seconds while his heart raced in his chest at the prospect of her overhearing something that was supposed to be an innermost thought. He lay still on the lounger and acted as though he had no idea she was listening, ignorance was bliss.

She swung her legs over the lounger and announced that they should be getting back, it was dark and they had to hunt in the morning. Automatically, Daryl mirrored her when she stood but had very little desire to go back to Alexandria at all. The pause between them had been laden with so many things that had gone unsaid. Neither one of them were able to look away at first, neither of them wanted to.

“Why don’t we just stay here?” He suggested, lifting his arm and scratching at the back of his head. It wasn’t needed and it was more of a grounding gesture, to make him come across as certain and confident of his proposal when he was actually quite the opposite. In reality and to Jess, it made him look like a nervous teenager.

“We have to hunt in the morning” She reminded him.

“Can just get up before sunrise n’ go straight there.” He put forward. “I mean, um…it just- it makes more sense than drivin’ back in the dark. Y’know, safer n’all.”

She hoped he didn’t pick up on the slow and deep breath she hauled in before agreeing to his idea. She wanted nothing more than to spend the night on the boat with him and his suggestion had both startled and pleased her. After a good-natured argument over who was sleeping where, it was determined that Daryl wasn’t to sleep on anything but a bed because of his leg and because Jess had thrown out the spare mattress to make room for her crops, there was only the master bedroom left. Having shared a bed before, they both set about acting as if it wasn’t an issue, that it was nothing more than two friends sharing some space but in the back of his mind Daryl was anxious and so was Jess.

She pulled the ladder up at the side of the boat, preventing anyone from climbing aboard during the night and locked the door, switching off the decking lights. In the bedroom, she lit two pillar candles on the shelf above the bed which were a brilliant arc of gold in the blackness, rendering the shapes of the room so muted they turned a deep grey. Daryl sat up on one side of the bed, his boots left on the floor beside him. He shamelessly watched Jess through a side glance as she sat on her side of the bed and peeled off her layers one by one. Her jacket, her armored clothing and her boots. Leaving only her camo pants and a black tank top. There was a dull ache across her ribs from her injury at the fairground that was still sometimes problematic. With her back to him, she tugged the elastic from her hair which held her braid in place and raked her fingers through her hair, sending a shimmering curtain of waves across her shoulders.

He closed his eyes and looked away, shrugging off his leather vest and enduring the guilt stinging him for the way he thought of her sometimes. He had little interest in objectifying her, but he was human and his appreciation of her was now reaching much further than that of a friend who thought her to be pretty. He waited for her to settle beside him with her legs drawn up and glanced over at her with a small smile, their shoulders were a hairs breadth apart on the headboard and Daryl did his best to ignore the pleasant warmth that he felt emanating on his bare shoulder from her relaxing next to him.

“Never shown anybody the boat until today” She said thoughtfully.

“Appreciate it.” He replied sincerely. “Needed to get out n’ do somethin’. Goin’ crazy sittin on my ass all day. Carol keeps harpin’ on, throwin’ that damn physio book at me.”

Jess giggled happily and rolled her eyes at him, not bothering to mention that if it wasn’t Carol hassling him about physio, it would be her.

“Was good to see one of the places ya live too.” He added.

“It was a nice night. I had fun.” She concluded. It was the most fun she’d had in as far back as she could remember and there was not a single doubt in her mind that she would have had anywhere near as much of a perfect night if she was there with anyone else. She scanned the wall opposite, making animals and mythical creatures from the shapes that flickered there and she was content. As content as she’d been in recent weeks, maybe months. His company beside her just seemed right. It made sense and she couldn’t wait for a repeat of the last few hours.

“I ask ya somethin’?” He whispered

“Sure”

“Will ya let me visit ya sometimes? At the fairground. I mean, actually let me in.” He requested.

By showing him her floating fortress, a part of her survival story and a place she sometimes called home, she’d already let him into a small part of her world. The fairground was only the next step.

“OK. But only you” She agreed with a wide grin. “Why do you want to visit me there anyway?”

In the yellow glow she saw him lick his lips and start to shake his head before pausing and fixing in her such a penetrating stare the skin on the back of her neck prickled and her palms began to sweat.

“You know.” He breathed.

“No, I don’t.” She whispered back.

It was there, on the tip of his tongue waiting to be released. The huge secret he held locked in his heart. She’d come along and picked the lock and drawn it out and now it was teetering on the edge and he was so tempted. So, tempted to just tell her.

_Jess, I really like you._

“I rea…” But then, his gusto vanished “…I don’t like not seeing you”

Just like that, it was gone and he resigned himself to the fact that he would never have the courage to confess how he really felt. Not without the certainty that she felt the same. However, the words that came out of his mouth were not untrue and were enough to insert a sparkle in her eyes and create a suspense between them that he really wasn’t ready for.

“I don’t like not seeing you either” She told him.

His eyes dropped to her lips and she held her breath, unsure by what was happening but feeling certain that the energy around them had changed drastically into pure suspense. She didn’t like to assume, but she was willing him to kiss her. Repeating it in her mind over and over, all the while struggling to comprehend that anything of the sort could be happening to her. There was a vulnerability to him, a look of intent while his lips said nothing and it made her heart flutter. The perfect blend of sexy and adorable.

Daryl was literally on the verge and his mind was engaged in a war that was getting louder by the second. If he kissed her there and then it would be the first move that he’d made on someone he genuinely liked and that would be an achievement in itself, let alone that it would be on Jess. The only girl to ever have made him so crazy, he had endured the resentment, inadequacy and helplessness of jealousy. Uncertain if she would back away and take their friendship with her, it wasn’t enough. He blinked and broke the chains between them, snapping Jess out of her trance.

“Should get some sleep.” He mumbled.

“Yeah.” She quickly agreed. “Goodnight.” Before either of them could say anymore, Jess had slipped under the covers and dragged them so far up, her head was barely visible and there she stayed. On her side, facing away from him, for the entire night.

* * *

_“You got it bad, little brother. Look at you, all snuggly n’ shit. Since when did you get to be such a pussy?”_

_Daryl shot up from the pillow, unable to catch his breath at first. Merle. He’d heard Merle. His head snapped from side to side, scanning the room. He’d definitely heard him. Then, he was there. In the corner, shrouded in darkness and balancing on a dresser stool, smoking a cigarette. Daryl couldn’t smell it, even though the smoke filled the room. He glanced down at Jess, motionless. Fast asleep. A throaty chuckle emanated from the darkened corner._

_“M-Merle?” Daryl croaked._

_“Us Dixon’s always had to fight for what’s ours.” Merle pointed out as he leaned closer, into the light. His face was mostly obscured but Daryl could see the bullet hole in his white vest, a deep crimson circle on his chest. His mind raced. Where did he come from? How is he alive? He turned into a Walker; he was gone. It didn’t make sense. “We was never good for much, but we was always survivors n’ aint much use in survivin’ if ya miserable as sin. All them folks in them nice houses? They all think you’re just redneck trash and one day, they’re gonna scrape you off their shoes like dog shit. Need to show ‘em. Aint nothin’ like provin’ folks wrong”_

_“You died. I saw you die. I put you down.” Daryl breathed jaggedly_

_“Are we ever really gone?” Merle sneered “Where’s the fun in that, now?”_

_“What are you doin’ here?” Daryl asked_

_Merle nodded towards the sleeping form of Jess beside him, clutching the covers to her neck and breathing a slow and steady rhythm._

_“She’s a good one.” He stated “A little straight-laced but she’s got stones bigger than yours Darlina.”_

_Daryl's breathing was still labored and rapid at the sight of his dead brother talking to him from the corner of the room._

_“You don’t know nothin’ ‘bout her.” He growled._

_“Oh, but I do. That’s the fine thing ‘bout bein’ dead. You see all kinds of shit n’ I see you followin’ the little, fat chick around like some kinda hound dog beggin’ for a treat. You know what you gotta do. I told ya. So, why aint ya done it yet?”_

_Dead? Daryl began to hyperventilate. He was talking to his brother from beyond the grave. Shock washed over him and he blinked and shook his head, but the effigy remained. Merle had not moved a muscle. The smoke from his cigarette was turning everything cloudy, engulfing the room in smoke as if a fire were ablaze somewhere. Jess continued to sleep soundly, the smoke forming a funnel as it entered her nose upon each inhalation._

_“Put the smoke out, ya gonna choke her to death.” Daryl ordered. But Merle merely grinned._

_“Well?” He asked._

_“I-I can’t.” He stammered “It aint that simple.”_

_“Oh, you ‘can’t’?” Merle mocked with pursed lips and a sniveling tone “Buck the fuck up, boy. All those years I spent, tryin’ to make a man of you and this is what I get?”_

_“It aint like that for her, bro.” Daryl mumbled in defeat. “She deserves better anyways.”_

_“Now you listen to me” Merle announced as he rose from the seat and hovered in the corner. The shadows cast a blackness over most of his face, leaving one, piercing blue eye scowling at Daryl. The smoke around them grew thicker and thicker and seeped into his lungs, it was hard to breathe, difficult to suck in a shallow breath. “I always said aint nobody ever gonna care ‘bout you but me, little brother. But I’m off meetin’ my maker… or, down in the depths with a whiskey in one hand and a bag of crystal meth in the other, whichever way ya wanna look at it. So, you gotta take your chance on her.” He paused to look over at Jess, cocking his head to one side thoughtfully. It was like the shadows followed his movement, keeping him concealed “She did right by me, would have been dead a whole lot sooner if it wasn’t for her. Like I said, aint no point survivin’, lettin’ all them pansy asses thinkin’ you a damn fool, when you could have somethin’ better.”_

_Rubbing his eyes with one hand, Daryl expected Merle to have vanished by the time he reopened his eyes, but still, he lingered in his cloud of intoxicating, yet odorless smoke. He hadn’t told Jess, but Merle had indeed told him what he needed to do and so far, he’d ignored the advice given to him._

_“I need to know for sure, man. Can’t lose her.” He told him._

_Merle slowly unfurled an arm, coated in blood and dust, his hand missing and replaced by a metal prosthetic and bayonet. He pointed it at Jess, stepping out from the corner and Daryl’s eyes widened at the multiple, bloody stab wounds to the side of his face. His stomach clenched and he felt nauseous. Stab wounds that he was forced to inflict. Violence again at his brother, or the shell that was left of him, at his own hand._

_“This aint sure enough for ya, dummy?” Merle questioned with a rattle from deep in his chest. “You can’t see what’s right in front of ya. Time’s a wastin’, Daryl. Get to it.”_

_The smoke was now so thick that Daryl could barely see his brother anymore. He sat up further on the bed and squinted through the smog. Jess was blanketed in swirls of grey mass, undetectable. Holding his blue gaze, Merle smiled at Daryl, the half of his face that was still intact a painful reminder of everything he’d lost._

_“M’ sorry I couldn’t save ya.” Daryl uttered, his voice a husky whisper “I just want my brother back”_

_“Don’t be no sissy” Merle smirked. “It’s time to wake up.”_

_“What?” Daryl asked, confused_

_“Wake up, little brother.”_

* * *

His entire body jolted and his eyes snapped open. The room was clear, the air not clogged with smog and his lungs able to work properly again. The corner of the room was illuminated by the slither of the sun’s rays working their way through the drapes as morning crept in. He blinked and was suddenly rooted to the spot when he noticed the position that he was curled into. His body was flush against Jess’s back, his head resting on her hair and his face a mere brush away from the skin of her neck. To make matters worse, his hand was resting on her waist. He wracked his brain to try and figure out how he managed to end up here, on the other side of the bed and spooning the girl he liked.

He regulated his breathing so as not to wake her and lifted his hand from her side, slowly rolling over and away from her. His other arm was entirely numb, his fingers starting to tingle when he flexed his knuckles. He sat up against the headboard, craning his neck to try and see if Jess was awake and was relieved to find that she was still fast asleep.

“What the hell….?” He said to himself under his breath.

 _Merle._ He thought. If he was visiting him in his dreams it would be just his style to make sure he left with one more, embarrassing parting gift by ensuring Daryl woke in position he couldn’t explain and that would leave them both red faced. He was grateful that Jess was still asleep and hadn’t stirred when he moved or he would have a lot of explaining to do. It wasn’t his nature to be so bold as to cross such a physical boundary, especially without permission and that only added to the feeling of bafflement and worry that he experienced as a result. He decided to get up and head outside for a smoke before he woke Jess up for the hunt.

On her side of the bed, Jess’s eyes sprang open when the door to the bedroom closed softly and she rolled over onto her back, laying both of her hands across her forehead and gawping at the ceiling. Little did Daryl know; Jess had been awake long before he was. His murmurings and flinching in his dreams had coaxed her from a deep sleep and she lay there trying to decipher his muffled and almost inaudible ramblings. When he’d finally quietened, she was stunned to find he curled up behind her, easing his face into the gap behind her head and gently sliding his hand onto her waist. Once the initial shock had faded, she allowed herself to enjoy this one, small joy. The sensation of being snuggled into, having someone that wanted to be so close to her he had mimicked the position of her body and fit to her like a jigsaw piece. Because that’s what he was to her, this missing piece to a complex puzzle that had been destroyed when the world went away but was now coming back to life. The pictures were brightening and the edges weren’t so frayed. He was repairing it single handedly and she let herself reap the benefits, closing her eyes and reveling in his close proximity.

 _So, that’s what it would be like._ She thought _I could definitely get used to that._

She found him on the deck, sitting on the edge with his legs dangling from the side. She offered him a coffee cup and settled beside him while sipping her own. The sun was beginning to peep over the canopy of trees beyond the beach and Jess had forgotten just how beautiful it was at the boat when the sun was rising. Aside from a quiet greeting and thanking her for the coffee, Daryl said nothing, his legs swinging back and forth and his attention moving from the smoke he was finishing, to his coffee cup and then up to the sunrise.

“Sleep OK?” Jess squeaked, unintentionally sounding a little more awkward than she would have liked.

“Yeah.” He nodded without turning to look at her. “Had the weirdest dream.”

Of course, she knew he’d been dreaming, she’d watched him whimper and mumble and jolt in his sleep. But she chose to claim ignorance, thinking it to be the better option than admitting to watching him sleep like some kind of stalker.

“What about?” She enquired

“Merle.” He stated simply.

The lack of information was no more than Jess could have expected and she figured that should he want to offer up anything else, he would have done so.

“Are you alright?” She asked in the knowledge that it couldn’t have been an altogether good thing to be dreaming about his deceased brother.

“Mmhmm” He hummed, quickly glancing at her and attempting to assure her that he wasn’t as unsettled as he felt.

“You miss him.” She said. It was a statement rather than a question, but one Daryl needed to respond to.

“Everyday.” He mumbled.

Jess gently reached out and squeezed his forearm. It was a motion that lasted less than two seconds before she was wandering back inside but he remained where he was, staring down at where his skin was tingling from her touch. Merle’s words floated through his mind.

_‘You know what you gotta do. I told ya. So, why aint ya done it yet?’_

* * *

Wandering through the trees as a duo was something Daryl had been looking forward to, as he always did when Jess joined him on the hunt. But hunting that morning was more strenuous than Jess could have planned for. The heat was so strong it was like wading around in an oven and sweat soaked through her clothes, which she was beginning to wish were not mostly black. On top of being on the verge of heatstroke, her lower abdomen coiled and tensed as though it was being wrung out and it meant she often had to stop and take a deep breath to stave off the pain. Daryl noticed straight away, keeping a close eye on her before she halted completely and clamped her hands around her middle. He was aware of the high temperatures but couldn’t say he was suffering as much as Jess appeared to be and he ran to her aid, taking hold of her arms and standing at her side to steady her.

“What’s goin’ on? You’re burnin’ up. What hurts?” He pleaded but Jess just brushed him off, determined to press on and finish their task.

“I’ll be fine.” She sighed

He didn’t argue at first, but it wasn’t sitting well with Daryl. Not one, little bit and his focus shifted from hunting to watching her as she staggered through the woods, clinging to tree trunks and sucking in sharp breaths.

Jess was horrified. She knew exactly what was wrong with her but in the company of not only a male, but one she was hopelessly in love with, she was left with little option but to solider on and pretend that the crippling menstrual cramps that were wracking her body didn’t exist. She cursed herself for not planning this better. Thinking she would have been back at the fairground the night before; she’d neglected to remember when Daryl suggested staying at the boat that there was a very good reason why she wanted to be at home and behind closed doors. She’d got herself so excited about the prospect of him wanting to stay longer and be alone with her, that she found herself in the most humiliating and awful of situations.

“Jess, just go back. Go the infirmary or to Aaron’s.” Daryl tried from behind her.

“Did you not hear me? I said I’m fine. I can handle it.” She snapped back at him.

Her outburst had surprised him but he put it down to her being in a reasonably evident amount of pain and being stubborn enough not to do anything about it. She surged ahead, stopping briefly to check for tracks on the ground. Daryl hung back, hovering around her like an overprotective husband and It was fortunate that he did because Jess soon succumbed to the pain in her abdomen and ended up leaning against a tree, doubled over and baring her teeth.

He wasn’t going to take no for an answer and if she wanted to fight, he’d fight her, but he was not leaving her out there to trundle through the woods when she should have been in the infirmary. He ran to her, pulling her hair from her face and noticing how sweaty her forehead was.

“Nope. C’mon. I’m takin ya back.” He told her as he looped her arm over his shoulder.

“No!” She cried “No! I’m fine!

“Shut up” he groaned, hooking his arm around the back of her knees and lifting her from the floor. She clung to his shoulders and glowered at him.

“Remember that Walker alarm I said I had back at the quarry? Well, if you don’t put me down this instant, I’ll scream at the top of my lungs and have every rotting corpse within a twenty-mile radius hot on your heels. I said I am fine. I’m not going to toss my cookies all over the damn woods.”

Daryl sighed loudly and began to take the same path they’d followed on the way out.

“Yeah, big threat.” He stated “I don’t care. Set Walkers on me. Fight me if ya want. Ya aint stayin’ out here.”

It was becoming clearer to Jess that the only way she was going to get out of this aside from actually fighting him, which she did not want to do, was to tell him the truth. She was a private person when it came to such issues and after the tampon incident at the hotel, she hoped that she could avoid any further references to such things. But it was not to be and she was now backed into a corner. She swallowed hard and released a frustrated and throaty growl of frustration.

“OK. _Fine_ ” She complained “I know what it is and it’s nothing to worry about. I have cramps. Cramps that I get every month. Feminine…cramps. I get hot and irritable too. So, I don’t need a doctor, nor do I need my gay friend. What I need is to continue with my day with my dignity intact and lord knows it’s all but abandoned me right now.”

Daryl stopped walking and tried to speak but nothing materialized at first. He stood there with her clutched to his chest, his lips parted and his mind blank.

 _Well, this is new._ He eventually thought.

He switched direction, swerving from one path to another without a word and carried on, refusing to put her down.

“What are you…? Daryl?!” She demanded.

“Just shut up, Jess!” He suddenly argued when his temper had worn thin. “There aint no way I’m lettin’ ya hunt in this state. What kind of guy would I be if I just fuckin’ left ya to it, huh?! Ya can’t even walk. So, I’m takin’ ya home.”

“Oh my god, this is so humiliating.” She huffed under her breath as Daryl ignored her protests and ducked under low hanging trees, carrying her back to the fairground.

Outside the infirmary, he tapped his foot on the porch nervously. Delivering Jess to her home had been one thing, but leaving her inside her gate with no painkillers and extremely mad at him was another altogether. When he left the fairground, he told he would be back with something to help, quite what he was referring to was lost on him, but he had to do _something._ Jess raged at him that she wanted to be left to her own devices and that she didn’t need him to return. But he could be just as hard headed as her and the thought of him leaving her in so much pain was not a nice one at all.

The door to the infirmary swung open and Denise appeared, clearly not expecting to find Daryl standing on the other side of the door.

“Daryl. Hi.” She greeted.

“Hey Doc. Need ya help with somethin’.” He informed her quietly. She noted the low tone of his voice. Drawing her hoodie around her body, she stepped closer to prevent him from having to speak up.

“Okay, are you alright? Is it your leg?” She questioned with a concerned look.

“Uh, no. It’s Jess. She got this issue. Need some help from a…a female.” He tried to explain. All the while, he hoped that he would not have to be forced to explain in any more detail and that Denise would just connect the dots.

“Oh? What kind of issue are we talking about?” She asked.

No, he was not going to get away with minimal details. Uncomfortable, he shifted his weight and leaned on the doorframe, wondering when he'd transformed into that guy, the guy that runs out to the store to buy his girl sanitary products and chocolate. 

“A uh, a monthly one.” Was all he could think of to say.

“Oh!” Denise exclaimed, finally figuring out what the awkward and clueless man in front of her meant “What does she need?”

Daryl unintentionally waved his hand around in front of his own stomach “She’s got these… cramps.”

A slightly bemused expression crossed her face before she remembered her professionalism and shrank back into the room. “I’ll be right back.”

Left on his own, Daryl slowly walked the length of the porch and back again with his hands pushed into the pocket of his ripped, black jeans. He struggled to believe the situation he found himself in and never could have imagined over a year ago that he would be in the middle of the apocalypse, begging a doctor for help because the girl he liked had cramps. It was a ridiculous notion, but there was no way he was about to leave Jess and pretend that everything was fine, when it wasn’t. He considered for a moment what Merle would have said and cringed slightly at the thought.

_Yeah, you’d fuckin’ love this, wouldn’t you? You asshole._

Denise returned with a small, plastic bag containing two pills and a bright blue hot water bottle. She held them out to Daryl who took them from her grasp.

“I’m not supposed to dispense pain meds for this kind of thing because it goes away on its own but for you to be standing here, it must be bad. So, keep it to yourself and give her those. I am also prescribing this hot water bottle, I filled it for you, and some light exercise.” She explained to a nodding and uneasy Daryl.

“That it?” he checked “There nothin’ else that helps?”

Denise knew there was and although she thought it to be admirable and brave that Daryl had shown up out of nowhere to ask for such assistance and she wasn't entirely aware of his relationship, or lack thereof with Jess, the temptation was too great to ignore.

“There’s also orgasms.” She shrugged as she tried with all her might not to burst into fits of laughter at the shock on his face. “Y’know, one or… two players, if you’re game. But you might want to buy her a drink first.”

She was met with a thick silence followed by a grunt. She couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“I’m sorry. I’m kidding.” She laughed “I mean, orgasms do work though.”

“Pain meds, hot water bottle, exercise. Got it.” He clarified very deliberately while holding up the hot water bottle. “Thanks Doc.” He mumbled with a quick jump down the steps.

“Daryl?” She called out to him. He glanced over his shoulder to see her about to close the door. “It’s cute. What you’re doing for her. It’s…it’s cute.”

“Yeah, keep that to yourself.” He huffed.

* * *

He waited ten minutes with no response from inside the fairground and was growing increasingly irritated as each minute passed. From his place at the gate, he could see through the disused rides to the door of the diner that Jess now called home and he wondered if, with some well-aimed throws, he could make her mad enough to open the door and yell at him. At least then, he would have a shot at passing on the painkillers he’d endured a very awkward encounter for. Just as he began to look around on the ground for some small rocks to throw, he heard the door swing open inside. Jess appeared and walked along the path towards him, wearing some baggy, grey sweat pants and a Star Wars T-shirt. She’d scraped her hair up into a messy bun and wore her unlaced military boots, pulled open at the top.

“Thought I told you I didn’t need you to come back here.”

Daryl said nothing, instead opting to press the hot water bottle against the fence with one hand and display the tiny packet of pills in his palm with the other. Jess was quickly put in her place without a word and swallowed the anger she’d felt when she noticed his valiant effort. Now not angry at all, she was touched. He’d gone out of his way to help her even though she was being difficult and bordering on rude. She edged closer until she was standing inches from his face with the fence in between them.

“You didn’t have to do that.” She croaked.

“Don’t like you bein’ in pain.” He uttered.

He didn’t need to ask to be let in. Jess unlocked the gate and stepped aside, to allow him past. He waited for her to secure the lock and let her lead the way to the first time he would be allowed inside her home. Guiding him inside, he saw that it was an old cafeteria but it barely had the same characteristics anymore. She’d ripped out the insides and turned it into a home with a bed, animal skulls decorating the walls, a working stove and lights powered by a generator in what was once the diner’s kitchen. Her windows were blacked out to avoid any passers-by noticing the place was occupied. Hand made bookshelves were stocked to the brim and a stack of journals rested on the top. It was apparent to Daryl that Jess liked her personalised, home comforts and she wasn’t about to let the end of the world change that. Her wooden-framed bed, which he assumed was brought in from a nearby house, was covered in animal furs and blankets and a thick rug covered the main living area, giving it a homely and warm feel.

Jess climbed onto the bed and held out a hand, gesturing to the other end of the mattress. Dutifully, Daryl accepted her wordless offer for him to make himself at home and sat down before handing her the pain meds. She ripped the bag open so quickly it reminded Daryl of some addicts he’d seen when he’d delivered their fixes for his brother. Only this was much more innocent and once she swallowed the medication, he instantly felt like he’d made a difference.

She gingerly pulled the hot water bottle towards her from beside him and placed it between her bent legs and her stomach as she leaned back against the pillows that she’d propped up behind her.

“Doc says you need to do some light exercise.” Daryl relayed.

“I will, once the pain subsides a little.” She replied shyly.

He could tell she was still quite disturbed from having to admit something so personal to him and guessed it was made worse when he’d showed up with help after refusing to let it go. But she was coming around, he could see it in the soft way she looked at him every now and then.

“Anythin’ else I can do?” He asked.

Jess didn’t know what to make of it all. She was skin crawlingly humiliated and wished she could turn back the clock and change the events of the last few hours, but at the same time, she wouldn’t have been able to witness the gallant efforts of Daryl and his quest to rid her of the pain she suffered. If it wasn’t confirmation that he cared about her more than he cared about anyone else, she didn’t know what was.

_You’re a sweetheart under there, aren’t you?_

“No.” She whispered. But really, she was trying to think of a way to ask him to stay. “Do you…?” She started “…Actually never mind.”

“Naw, what?”

“Was going to ask if you wanted to say with me. But I know you’re probably weirded out and that’s okay. So, forget it.” She said, waving her hand in the air as if she were literally brushing the idea out of the room.

“Don’t be stupid. Course I’ll stay.” He affirmed. Leaning across to her nightstand, he slid a pack of cards from the surface and held them up with a raised eyebrow. Jess smiled at him and gave him a small nod and they spent the next couple of hours playing poker. Jess thought herself to be quite the advanced player, but was put to shame when Daryl won every single game and told her that losing wasn’t an option when you grew up in bars and didn’t eat if you didn’t win your bets.

Jess couldn’t remember a time when she’d had more fun doing nothing of significance other than playing cards and laughing with someone that she credited with being one of the best people she’d ever met. She could have sat there for hours more, just reveling in him smiling, which was something he rarely did around anyone else but her. She noticed it on runs, during meetings, even when he was with Rick. His smiles were reserved for her and if she was his only reason to reveal such a side of him, then that was more than good enough for her.

Daryl didn’t want to leave but when he noticed the sun starting to go down through the one, unblocked window, he figured he’d best get back to the house and offer up at least some explanation for where he’d been for the past two days and one night. That was the problem with living in such a close-knit place, his housemates would only send out a search party if they thought him to be missing and that put lives in danger. It was tempting to check in, then head back to be with Jess, but he didn’t want to push his luck or outstay his welcome. Being in her home was like jumping a huge hurdle and he realized he’d finally broken down her barrier and been let in not just to the building but to a higher level of their friendship that spoke volumes of her trust in him.

“You feelin’ better?” He asked while walking the path to the gate with her in tow.

“Yes. Thank you. For everything.” She replied. He stopped and turned back to her, pushing past the urge to wrap her in his arms, something he’d never wanted to do to anybody. “I’m kind of embarrassed.” She admitted.

“Don’t be. It’s just me.” He told her, lifting a hand and nudging at her elbow with the back of his fingers

She could have put it down to hormones, or said the moon phases made her crazy or blamed the painkillers, but she hugged him. A thoughtless and automatic hug that was perfectly excecuted. She slid her hands around his torso, feeling him tense slightly and breathe in sharply, but instead of overthinking it, she just rested her head on his chest.

It was what he wanted. He’d thought about it moments before. But when it actually happened it felt like…finally. A simple hug had never meant anything to Daryl, so much so that it wasn’t something that ever crossed his mind. He never hugged his family, or women he’d met, or anyone else before he found himself stood with Jess’s arms around him. Far from knowing what was an acceptable level of enthusiasm he gradually raised his hands, finding that they were trembling slightly and placed them lightly around her waist. Finally, able to breathe out his anxiety about being touched, he rested his chin on her head and felt her sway subtly with him in her grasp. It was, incontestably, one of the most meaningful few seconds of his life.

When she pulled back, she was happy to discover a certain lack of awkwardness between them. It was almost like a line had been crossed and it didn’t need to be overthought or clouded with too many questions. But Daryl did have one question.

“So, um… I get one of those every time I help ya out now?” He smiled.

“You get one any time you want.” She answered confidently. “Didn’t have you down as much of a hugger. Guess I took a risk on that”

“I ain’t a hugger” He confirmed. “Just seem to make a lot of exceptions… for you.”

“Then, I’m a lucky girl” She flashed him her best, flirtatious grin and could only dream that it meant he saw her the same way she did. When she let him through the gate, he glanced back at her twice before disappearing into the trees and she was left pondering if all close friends acted the way she and Daryl did. If it was normal to have many long, suspense laden silences and telling instances of eye contact. Or, was that all her imagination? She had no idea. But she knew in her heart that every time she set eyes on him, she loved him a little bit more.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Merry Christmas! Huge thanks to everyone still reading. This story is getting a lot of subscribers and has really gained momentum, bypassing all of my expectations.  
> I have a message from the amazing lady that asked me to write this fic and works closely with me to produce something that has been a huge success to us. Her ideas are exceptional, exciting and full of potential and she has also started writing her own story for the Sons of Anarchy fandom. So, on behalf of tx_ladyj….
> 
> I wanted to thank everyone who left kudos or comments on this story. I’m sure you’re wondering why a random reader would even want to say it? Long story short, Jess is me. I’ve been a reader of fanfiction for a few years now. I found so many stories that I loved and even found some writers that I follow because everything they write is so wonderful. I had gotten into Daryl Dixon fan fiction and happened upon this talented writer by the name of xmistressmistrustx here on AO3. Her stories and characters were so well written and emotionally moving. She wove original characters into the story so well that I started reading more of her stuff. She’d posted her Tumblr account and because I was curious about the person behind the stories, I started following her. One day I took a chance and asked her if she took requests because I don’t fancy myself a writer and I had so many ideas that came into my head. She’d never done a request before but I typed up a basic summary of the story and emailed it to her and ended up liking the premise of the story. Basically, I wanted to see the journey of an out-of-shape ren-faire comic-con attending geek who didn’t fit in the world before and even when the world went to shit. What would her story be, would she survive and how would she do it? She’s so different than Daryl but yet so much alike in their loneliness. Could two people like that connect in this world? So we started working on Jess and her story together - through chats and emails - night and day (no seriously). We’ve been working on this story over many months and have gotten to be pretty good friends. If you saw us together, you’d think we are as different as night and day but we actually have more in common than we realized. I hope someday I’ll get to meet her in person because she’s freaking amazing and so talented. A beautiful person on the inside and outside. We are from two different worlds separated by an ocean but I feel like I’ve made a friend for life. So, you dear readers, have made this journey even more special with your comments. We put our hearts and souls into this story and knowing we were able to bring you some joy means the world to us.

Back in Alexandria, it was early evening and Abraham was hauling wooden railway sleepers from a truck and dragging them to the vegetable patches along with some of the other members of the community. Daryl’s trip with Jess along with their prolonged hug had been playing on his mind over and over for hours and he felt his skin begin to crawl with anxiety if he sat still for too long and so, decided to give Abe a hand when he walked past and saw the sweat-covered, ginger man swearing to himself and dragging the heavy items around.

Daryl and Abraham weren’t exactly close. They trusted each other enough to have each-others backs and recognized each other’s fighting skills and abilities, along with the out-of-the-box way they both seemed to view the world. From time to time, they engaged in basic conversation but Abrahams brash and extrovert personality was the opposite of Daryl’s and he often found that his energy was sapped from a five-minute interaction. On this occasion, chat wasn’t needed but Daryl did have an ulterior motive. He had a question to ask and needed to hear the answer from Abraham’s point of view but had no idea how to go about it without letting the proverbial cat out of the bag. Spotting his chance when Rosita ambled past and held a hand up in a wave to them both, he decided to bite the bullet and just ask.

“You uh… you n’ Rosita, you still a thing?” He questioned warily.

Abraham slotted the sleeper he was holding into position with a swift and strong kick of his boot and wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand. His white vest was stained with perspiration on the front and his gloves were saturated from being used as towels.

“Still very much got me by the short n’ clurlies.” He chuckled.

Daryl cleared his throat and checked over his shoulder, seeing most of the others gathering around the truck a good distance away to be able to overhear anything.

“Right. Right. So, you um, you ain’t gunnin’ for Jess?”

Abraham shot Daryl a suspicious look and his mouth curled into a smile beneath his thick mustache. He laughed loudly and did a double take at him while retrieving a cigar and a box of matches from his pocket and lighting up. It wasn’t a total surprise, he had to admit. He’d seen the way Daryl scowled and stalked off when he spoke to Jess and he was witness to the scene in the armory which had left her beside herself with guilt. Rick had also mentioned that he thought it to be a matter of time before things evolved between them. He wasn’t sure himself if he could see it happening at the time, but there was Daryl standing in front of him and asking if he had any romantic intentions for Jess.

“Goodness gracious, Ignatius.” He said tunefully, quickly lowering his voice and glancing around “She’s got your attention”

“What? Naw, man. I’m just checkin’.” Daryl denied a little less convincingly than he’d hoped. His heart rate was starting to increase and he was instantly regretting saying anything at all.

“Checkin’ for what, exactly?” Abraham pressed.

Panic jolted through him. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. Why exactly could he say he _was_ asking? Jess had already put a stop to any idea’s that they were more than friends, but Daryl had to be sure and cover all bases. He just couldn’t admit to Abraham of all people that he had very confusing and strong feelings for his best friend before even telling Jess herself.

“She’s a friend. I don’t want her getting’ her ass kicked by Rosita. Y’know, this aint no romance novel bullshit.”

“Huh. My love life is more of a porno than a romance novel. I ain’t about to change it. So long as I can keep pouring’ the Bisquick without makin’ pancakes.” He remarked, amused at his own humorous take on things “Huh? Huh?” He encouraged with two nudges of Daryl’s arm.

“Right.” Was Daryl’s reserved response.

Abraham bustled past him, placing a big hand on his back and guiding him away from the workforce that were now making their way over to the patch adjacent. He turned him away from any prying eyes and addressed him with a permanent, knowing smile.

“C’mon, I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck. I know what’s going on here.” He said.

“Yeah, what’s that?” Daryl challenged, only slightly confident that he could hold his own with the conversation.

“You gotta just grab the bull by the nutsack.”

Daryl raised an eyebrow and leaned back slightly, perplexed by Abrahams choice of words and even more so by his grabbing gesture with one hand. It wasn’t far off from how his brother used to speak, only Abraham was quite clearly intelligent enough to use colorful metaphors without caring what anyone thought of it.

“What in the hell are you talkin’ ‘bout?” He questioned “Jess aint no bull”

“OK, forget that. Tell her you wanna get busy with her, see how she reacts” He suggested.

“I aint tellin’ her nothin’.” Daryl quickly replied with a step backwards as if he wanted to leave the topic, which he very much did by then.

“Then the only way you’re gonna get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s ass and wait. It’s the apocalypse, Daryl. Sometimes you gotta just ask for what you want.” Abraham reasoned. After all, he’d asked Rosita and she’d been more than happy to oblige. He didn’t see anyone else as being much different and figured that if everyone was just straight with one another, things would be a lot easier.

“I aint doin’ that.” Daryl dismissed.

Abraham chuckled once more, slapping Daryl’s back with a huge paw and shaking his head in amusement.

“Ahh, hell. Balls just called. They wanted to know if you’d like a pair.” He joked.

“Look, it aint like that. I’m just…makin’ sure she’s okay.” Daryl confirmed, shrugging Abraham from his shoulder and backing up. He could see some of the other workers glancing up at them. Far from being a quiet man, Abe’s booming voice proved to be a lot louder than either of them first thought and Daryl was becoming highly uncomfortable.

“Whatever. Just think about it. She’s a peach, she’d be damn good for you.” Abraham suggested, puffing cigar smoke into a large cloud between them and tugging his gloves off. “I gotta go to guard duty. But I’ma get me some ass first.” He conveyed casually as he stepped down from the vegetable patch and headed across the street.

“Didn’t need to know that.” Daryl grumbled to himself.

* * *

Tower watch was usually done on a rotational basis and Jess, being a non-resident of Alexandria, was exempt from such duties. From time to time, she would surprise Deanna and volunteer her time, finding that walking the perimeter or sitting in the tower was a cure for her restlessness. Daryl was no different and as a recruiter, he was also omitted form the guard schedule but often found himself in the comforting, quite confines of the wooden structure with a rifle, a pack of smokes and his jumbled thoughts when reading to Judith didn’t quite manage to calm his soul enough.

It was a cold night and a dense fog hung in the air like a blanket over the trees. Recent conversations floated around in his memories and he was sure his sides still tingled from time to time with the memory of Jess’s arms wrapped around him. He lit a cigarette and time passed between the spark of his lighter and when he smiled as he dwelled, yet again on the thought of Jess telling him he could hug her whenever he wanted. He wouldn’t, of course. It was far from how he conducted himself and any physical contact normally came with a lot of forethought and mental preparation.

His cigarette balanced precariously between his lips as he tilted his head back and took a drag without even touching it. He expelled the smoke from his nose, the cloudy appearance of the small tower room reminding him of his dream in which Merle had tried to urge him to do something about his feelings.

_‘Times a-wastin’, Daryl. Get to it.’_

He wished he could. Wished that everything really was that simple. Wished that he knew for sure that she felt something for him the way he did for her. But all he had was a notion, a few blushes and compliments that could be nothing more than a basic appreciation between two friends.

The door below clunked shut and Daryl could hear footsteps on the rungs of the ladder approaching. He threw his smoke away and looked over his shoulder to await the arrival of his visitor. It was past midnight and highly unusual for anyone else to be up in the tower except for the person on guard. Daryl never had company while he was on watch and that, to him, was one of the perks of the job.

When Jess appeared clutching a bag of cookies and pushing her hood back from her face, he figured that maybe tower watch had other perks too. Namely, that he could very well be about to spend time with a pretty girl, cooped up in a wooden box in the sky.

“Ya don’t gotta stay.” Was the first thing he said. He didn’t know why and realized as he said how strange it sounded. Almost like he wanted her to turn around and climb back down the ladder, which he didn’t.

Unimpressed, Jess squinted down at him and huffed out her obvious disapproval.

“Really?! ‘Can I visit you, Jess? You don’t have to be here, Jess’.” She quoted “Talk about mixed signals, stinky.”

Daryl, confused by his own actions, messily waved a hand at the empty chair beside him.

“Take a damn seat n’ quit complainin’.” He grumbled.

The two chairs in the tower were no more than a foot apart and Jess dragged hers even closer still and settled down in front of the window with the rifle resting on the wall on Daryl’s side. She opened the paper bag in her lap and handed him a cookie, telling him they were from Carol and she’s sent them because she knew he hadn’t eaten that day. It was evident that Carol was right when Daryl managed to put away three large cookies in a matter of seconds and Jess peered down at her first, half eaten baked treat as hers was made of lead.

Since the boat and Daryl’s admission of his dream about Merle, Jess wondered if he would ever provide her with more information pertaining to his death and the events that lead up to it. She was curious and more than that, she was concerned that his inability to move past it was presenting its self in his subconscious, when he dreamed. Having reached what she thought to be a pivotal point in their friendship, where they hugged and she awoke with him curled up against her, she guessed it was now that was the right time to ask.

“Can I ask you something? About your brother.” She said

Daryl threw the last of his third cookie into his mouth and chewed noisily before brushing the crumbs from his lap and side glancing at her. She could see the questioning behind his eyes already, the hesitation to discuss what was bound to be a sore subject.

“OK.” He grunted.

“What did he tell you about where I was?” She wanted to know. They’d touched on it before, briefly and on a need-to-know basis.

“He didn’t. S’a long story.” He mumbled, falling quiet and instilling a heavy guilt in Jess. For at least two minutes, he fiddled with the radio in his lap.

“I’m sorry” She eventually managed. “I shouldn’t have asked; I don’t want to drag up bad memories for you.”

“Nah, s’ok.” He said sincerely with a small glance in her direction. Hesitating, it dawned on him that he did want to tell her what happened and that, alone, was a breakthrough in itself. Daryl wasn’t a talker, he never discussed his innermost thoughts and feeling with anyone, but in the time that he’d known Jess, it was becoming easier and more desirable to do so. “I aint talked about to nobody before. But I’ll tell you. If ya wanna know”

Feeling as thought a compromise was needed so as not to drag him too far from his slowly expanding comfort zone, Jess decided to offer him a simpler suggestion.

“Give me the short version and maybe some other time you can tell me everything. Only if you want.” She proposed.

Seemingly content with meeting her halfway, Daryl slid further down in his seat and propped one leg up on the window ledge in front of them. As he spoke, he picked at the messy stitching around the repaired hole in the knee of his pants leg.

“After the crazy sommbitch cut his own hand off to escape that roof in the city n’ you saved his ass, he got mixed up with this psycho. Started workin’ for him. This guy, he wanted to kill us all, take the prison we were livin’ in.” Checking she was still with him, he peeped to his side at her, she was listening, now turned towards him and slowly chewing on another cookie. “Merle… he sacrificed himself in the end. Knew his time was up. Michonne was with him, he asked her to give me a message when she saw me. I went straight to find him, bring him back. But he was already turned.”

“I’m so sorry, Daryl. That must have been so hard.” She whispered sincerely “What was the message?”

Daryl looked out at the misty and still night beyond the tower. From where they were, the horrors below were obscured, masked by a serenity that was often taken for granted. But these moments were Daryl’s moments of peace and they were becoming more frequent because of the dark-haired girl beside him. She was becoming his haven away from the misery. He trusted her to ground him, to distract him and to remind him that not everything was lost.

“Said ya was holed up in an apartment opposite a bookstore in the city. That you was doin’ OK n’ that he didn’t tell me ‘cause ya asked him not to and he owed ya.” He explained, catching her small smile as she studied him when he spoke. “And…”

“…and?” she echoed.

He hadn’t meant to let the conjunction slip out. In fact, he’d intended to scrap it altogether, thus getting himself out of revealing everything else that Merle had said. But it was done and if he backtracked, he would be lying and that was one thing he never wanted to do to her.

“He uh-he didn’t know what he was talkin’ ‘bout. It don’t matter.” He tried to dismiss.

Jess’s interest was well and truly hooked by the last, little word on the end of his sentence and she was not about to let it slide without any inclination as to what he was referring to. She had some opinions about Merle of her own and so, concluded that the best way to get Daryl to continue talking, was to be honest herself.

“It does. It does matter. Your brother wasn’t as bad as everyone made out. I saw who he was. He was rude and sexist and racist and he stank of whiskey like, _all the time_ but he was brave and he knew what it was to be loyal. I didn’t expect to, but I respected him and I know now that he respected me in the end, because he didn’t tell you where I was until he was sure he was going to die.”

He briefly looked round at her at her and she heard him sigh. She could tell he wasn’t comfortable with confessing whatever else Merle has said and decided that if her attempt turned up nothing, she didn’t want to push him to anger.

Daryl wasn’t sure if he could endure yet another conversation that left him feeling vulnerable and exposed, it seemed to be what they did now, spent time alone and toed the line together. Although, quite what line Jess was nearing, he only wished he knew. A part of him did want to tell her the truth and in the back of his mind, he could hear his brother.

_‘Don’t be no sissy.’._

“He wanted me to know he thought you’d make a good Dixon” He told her.

“Really?” Jess asked in a tone that told him she was a little surprised. “Seeing as I have you as an example of the better half of the Dixon’s I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Don’t know ‘bout that.” He mused with a shy huff “… he um, he also said somethin’ else. But I don’t wanna make ya uncomfortable or nothin’.”

Jess’s eyebrows shot up and a look of captivation swept across her face, her lips curled into a grin as she searched her memories for any clues as to what he could possibly mean.

“You can’t say that and not tell me. C’mon, pleeeease?” She pleaded with a giggle and having to stop herself from gripping his arm and playfully shaking it.

She was too much. Too much to say no to. Her laugh and the sparkle in her eyes made it impossible. He was going to have to give in, he had no choice. His hands furiously picked at the threading on his pants and he was altogether very aware of it, forcing himself to sit still and summon the courage to tell Jess what she was waiting to hear as she leaned towards him across the arms of their chairs.

“Said that everybody knows that you’re my girl n’ I’d be a damn fool not to find ya n’…tell ya that.”

“Oh” Jess breathed quietly, setting back into her seat and blinking away the surprise. “I see.”

“Like I said, he didn’t know what he was talkin’ ‘bout.” Daryl added in the hope that it would do something to help filter the awkwardness from the air.

“That asshole wanted us to squirm with embarrassment even after his death. Very Merle.” Jess chuckled to herself. “Well, ‘your girl’, huh? I should be so lucky.” She mused, slowly turning her head to check his reaction. In the low light, she could just about make out the darkened top of his ear peeking through the gap in his hair. She’d made him blush.

“Are you…blushing?” She grinned.

“What? No.” Daryl huffed awkwardly.

Feeling triumphant and noting it down as more than one occasion that she’d successfully managed to turn those ears pink and witness the slight tint to his cheeks, Jess felt a surge of self-assuredness rush through her. Now, she had the control.

“I did I get the ever-stoic, badass that is Daryl Dixon to _blush._ Oh, that’s right… _again?!”_ She giggled, nudging his elbow with her own and almost dying at the sight of him hiding a smile and flat refusing to let her have the glory.

“Stop. and aint nothin’ lucky ‘bout that.” He scoffed.

Jess tutted and rolled her eyes, releasing a very deliberate sigh and crossing her arms over her body, allowing the empty cookies wrapper to fall to the floor. She didn’t even bother to stop and analyze just how honest she should be, Daryl was going to hear what she really thought, and that was that.

“What are you talking about, you idiot?” She questioned “You’re a catch.”

Daryl side-eyed her, wishing he could find the words to ask her to elaborate, or drag more out of her about what she really thought of him. Hearing that she thought he had something to offer had almost knocked him for six and all coherent thought was suddenly dispelled in his mind like pins at the end of bowling lane.

“Huh. Yeah. Whatever.” He mumbled.

Jess was getting used to risk-taking around Daryl. Most of them had paid off and gifted her with something more than the minimal, closed-off person he presented to everyone else. She’d even managed to get herself some physical contact in the form of a hug and would not be forgetting being able to touch his arm or hold his hand in a hurry. With that in mind, she dived in again, risking placing her hand on his forearm and was pleased when he showed no interest in moving away.

Daryl slowly dragged his eyes down to where her hand rested, then he met her gaze briefly and rendered her completely speechless when he shifted his arm back, catching her fingers in his and threading them together.

“Thanks” He whispered to her.

“What for?”

“I dunno why…but you see somethin’ good in me.”

_I wish I could be the man you deserve._

Jess slid further down in her chair, still clinging to his hand and rested her head delicately on his shoulder. If he could snuggle into her at night and fit close to her like the missing piece of her jigsaw, then she could snuggle right back. If she could have seen his face, she’d have discovered the pure astonishment on his features. His mouth dropped open and he feebly glanced about the room, unable to believe that what was happening was real. As she sat there with her hand in his and her cheek pressed against his shoulder, her eyes grew heavy and she noticed how comfortable she’d become.

“I only ever see good things in you” She sighed, closing her eyes and letting her weariness take over.

Daryl knew he didn’t need to respond when her head became heavy on his shoulder and her breathing slowed. He certainly hoped that his tower shifts were similar to this every time he volunteered and that he would see more occasions where he would be able to sit with her hand in his and her sleeping form against him and just…be.

Her eyes opened one first, then the other, weighted down by fatigue. It was dark all around her and her neck was stiff. She scrunched her face up, rubbing her fingers over her tired eyes and groaning. Daryl moved to the side and Jess, having completely forgotten where she was, jumped and scraped her chair along the floor while he watched her, tickled by her lack of awareness. She’d been asleep for around an hour, softly breathing against his arm and he’d struggled with the desire to lift his arm and position her underneath, against his chest and in a motionless embrace. But he’d stayed put and exulted in her being nearer to him than any other woman had managed in the past.

He reached out in an echo of when she’d woken beside him in his room and gently brushed at the corner of her mouth with his thumb.

“Droolin’ again.” He chuckled

When it all hit her, where she’d been sleeping, his mocking of her involuntary saliva escape and the delightfully entertained look on his face, she shoved at his arm and covered her bright red face by pulling her hood down to obscure her cheeks.

“Oh my god, don’t be a dick!” She complained

He laughed without reservation, a genuine, unashamed laugh that she had rarely heard without some kind of barrier or means of obscuring it.

“Like a bloodhound” He remarked with a quick flicker of his eyes to his damp shoulder.

“Shut up!” She gasped “Don’t be mean. I was comfortable.” She crossed her arms and pouted at him from beneath her hood. “Shouldn’t have such a comfy shoulder.”

“So, it’s my fault, now?” He asked.

“Yes” She confirmed with an unsure glance in his direction.

_You held my hand. I wasn’t exactly going to move away._

“I’ll ask Judith if ya can borrow a pacifier next time” he smirked.

“Enjoy making fun of me while it lasts because I won’t be falling asleep on you anymore.” She muttered to herself while standing up and straightening her clothing, readying herself for the climb down the ladder to the street below. While it was all very light-hearted, she needed to leave the situation and try and erase the memory of Daryl seeing her drool like a baby as she slept.

“Shame.”

She thought she heard it but she couldn’t be certain. It was uttered almost as quietly as his breathing. It wasn’t clear, but it was definitely something. She wondered if her ears were playing tricks on her or her tired mind was making things up. She caught his eye and noted a hint of shyness in him as he nudged his head up at her in a wordless goodbye. Her stomach fluttered furiously because that’s what he did to her now. He gave her butterflies like a girl with a crush. Except it wasn’t just a crush and as the days passed, those butterflies were growing in size, just like her affection for him.

* * *

Jess was sitting on the Ferris Wheel upon returning to the fairground. Now out of use and locked in place, she was able to climb up to the top car and sway with the breeze while watching the stars and doodling the outline of her family crest on the front cover of her journal. It was rare she wrote in it anymore, she had Aaron and Eric who bore the brunt of much of her venting. But the heavy nature of the secret she carried with her was steering her back to journaling. Only, she hadn’t quite made it past the front cover yet.

“…And I'll use you as a focal point, so I don't lose sight of what I want…”

She sang quietly, absent-mindedly working her way through the song, grateful that her secluded location meant that she could sometimes sing as loud as she wanted to without fear of judgement. The only audience being the odd Walker, who she would quickly put down with a well-aimed arrow before it had time to cross the trap-ridden area in front of the fence.

“…and I've moved further than I thought I could, but I missed you more than I thought I would”

She tilted her head at the sketch of the crest, she wasn’t the most proficient of artists but was pleased with her efforts and made a mental note to attempt more drawing in future. It was a break from carving arrows, training, stabbing Walkers and hunting that she needed. Something different to try.

A red streak in the sky caught her attention and she slowly moved the journal and pencil from her lap. She’d just missed it, but it looked like a flare. She waited, straining her ears to listen and squinting at the tower, which could just about be seen through the trees from where she was. The pop-popping of gunfire made her nervous and then, another flare went off in the sky above, closer and clearer this time.

“Oh shit, not again!” she cried before scrambling down the metal structure and racing to the fairgrounds gate.

* * *

The scene at Alexandria was more brutal and distressing than she could have ever imagined. With the gate wide open and blood smeared across the asphalt, screams could be heard coming from just about every corner of the town and as Jess crept in through the shadows with her machete equipped and her mask and hood up, her heart beat a solid rhythm in her chest. Her hands trembled but adrenaline was forcing her forwards, putting one foot in front of the other until she halted, whirling to one side and seeing a bloodied woman sprinting across the street towards her. The sound coming from her mouth was garbled yet utterly desperate and her blonde hair was smattered with red from a gaping head wound that reached from above her ear to her collar bone. Following closely behind her, was a burly man with a large knife and a bald head. His face was obscured by a bandana, much like Jess’s and as he barreled along, grasping for the woman’s arm, Jess stepped out from the blackness and ran.

Human bone is incredibly sturdy. It is stronger than steel and concrete of the same mass. The human skull encases the most important organ of the human body, the brain, and has evolved to be as strong as possible to withstand trauma. Strong enough, in fact, that a recently sharpened machete alone is unlikely to penetrate such strong, non-decaying bone with one hit, a fact that Jess was already aware of. Months of reading had paid off and in the slow-motion seconds of her swinging her blade at the bald cranium of the man pursuing the injured Alexandrian, she had the foresight to think of her secondary weapon; the knife that Daryl had given her. The clunk of the metal against his head was so sickening her stomach clenched and her jaw locked shut. The side of the man’s head exploded with blood from the baseball-like swing that collided the blade with the assailant. It peppered her mask and eyes with crimson dots and created a sprawling firework in the air. When she stepped back and watched him stumble, ignoring the loud and gruesome _shing_ from metal scraping on bone as she retracted her machete, she slid her hunting knife from its sheath on her belt and drove it, with all her might into his ribs. He gripped her wrists, terror filling his panicked eyes when his knees hit the ground.

From behind her, Jess could hear the woman’s piercing screams and she quickly turned on her heels, flicking blood from the wound in the man’s side across the surface of the road. He glugged and wheezed and Jess paid him no mind while she focused on the severely hurt woman peering up at her from the floor, where Jess had flung her when she stepped to her aid. Grabbing her arm, Jess began dragging her up to the sidewalk, all the while trying to hush her inconsolable crying and whimpering. Finding a dark spot under a platform and against the perimeter wall, she propped the woman up, ripped her jacket from her shaking shoulders and set to tying it around her wounded head. She’d lost so much blood her entire right side was a deep red and it was pooling under her, dripping from her elbow. Jess snatched the woman’s hand up and placed it on the jacket.

“Hold it. Put pressure on it to stem the bleeding.” She whispered to her with a quick glance over her shoulders. Other people were dashing past, some holding weapons up and wearing similar clothing to the man Jess had attacked. Others, she recognised to be the occupants of Alexandria. Gunfire crackled around her and she could only hope that she was far enough from the road to avoid being shot intentionally or caught in the crossfire. “What the hell is going on?” She asked the woman. Then, it dawned on her. The party. She was from the party and was the unfortunate recipient of Jess’s unwanted cannibal information. Her eyes flickered in a dazed state and her skin was paling fast. Jess shook her shoulder gently. “Hey! Stay awake! What happened here?” She demanded

“The-they came out of….out of nowhere. Started…started…hacking p-people to death” She stammered breathlessly. Jess felt an insatiable fury rise in her entire body.

_The group from the city. The group from the woods. The man that shot Daryl._

The woman’s hand slapped around Jess’s wrist, snapping her from her realization and she suddenly leaned forwards, inches from Jess’s face. Her eyes bulged and saliva and blood trickled down her lips.

“Leave-L-leave this place. Not…safe…for-for women. They…they t-take women. M-my children…m-my family…they’re gone…they r-ran.”

It was as plain as day but it didn’t make it any easier for Jess to accept that the gravely injured woman before her was dying from blood loss and likely wouldn’t last another few minutes, let alone long enough for Jess to head off and find her family for her. Swallowing hard, she looked into her tear-filled eyes, held onto her free hand and squeezed it, hard.

“Everything is going to be okay.” She whispered, ignoring the blurry despair that was brimming in her own eyes. “Everyone is going to be fine. Your children, they’re in the church” She lied “They’re there. They’re all there. I saw them go in when I got here. It’s okay…it’s-it’s okay.”

In a display of relief, the woman sighed before eyes began to flutter closed and Jess felt all hope abandon her when her body went limp, her hand went lax and her face froze. Tears erupted from Jess’s eyes and a loud sob forced its way up from the depths of her soul.

“Oh… _Fuck”_ She gasped, sagging forwards and clutching the lifeless fingers of the dead woman to her chest. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t fast enough.” She sniffed to the chorus of chaos transpiring from behind her.

As was customary and necessary in the apocalypse, Damaging the spinal cord or the brain enough to avoid reanimation was the next step in a death that didn’t involve one or the other to begin with and now, Jess had to commit an act of mercy to stop the woman from becoming a Walker. She held up her knife and chose not to think too much, it was the way of the world now.

Keeping to the shadows was her forte and it had served her well during her time alone. Jess considered herself lucky that it was the middle of the night and therefore, she was able to move from house to house in search of anyone that may have needed rescuing. From the bedroom of an empty house, she spotted a man being cornered by two strangers with exceptionally large blades. Just out of sight under a tree, she couldn’t make out who the man was, but she didn’t need to know. She slid the window up, climbed out onto the roof and equipped her bow, nocking an arrow and steadying her erratic breathing.

The first arrow was aimed well enough to eliminate one of the men, but the second fell just short, scattering across the road surface and giving away her location. The remaining man’s vision shot up to her, locking her in his sights as he pointed and bellowed at the top of his lungs. Jess stumbled backwards, her back hitting the gables of the house in time to see Aaron run out from behind the tree, pick up the arrow and slam it into the side of the man’s neck. She held her breath for a second while she gawped at Aaron, who quickly began grappling with the arm of the man which held onto his blade.

“I-I have to get down there” She said to herself.

Spinnging around, she clambered back through the window and thundered down the stairs, spilling out onto the street in time to see Aaron with the man in a head lock and dragging the knife across his throat. Blood fountained from the wound and Aaron quickly threw him to one side and ran to Jess, dragging her to the side of the house and flinging his arms around her while rambling incomprehensible words over her shoulder. His embrace was so tight that Jess struggled to breathe and had to physically step away to break the hug.

“That was…violent.” She commented.

“Yeah…I know” Aaron panted, blinking in disbelief at the gargling man behind him on the ground. “Are you okay? You can’t be here. I don’t know who these people are but they’re trying to round up the females and kill the men. A lot of people are already dead. You-you have to leave. Now. Rick’s group, they’re working their way around the town. You should go. Please, Jess. Go.” He blathered, grabbing her arm. Jess tore away from him.

“No.” She announced defiantly. “Where is Daryl?”

“Uh…He-he was in the tower at first. The last time I saw him, he was with Rick.” Aaron replied with a wipe of his forehead.

“Eric is safe?” Jess asked

“Yes. I can’t say where. In case they can hear us.”

“Carl? Judith? Enid?” She continued.

“All safe.”

“Lord.” Jess puffed in relief. “C’mon, we have work to do. Stay with me”

Before Aaron could protest, she had flung him against the side of the house and was inching her way to the edge, unsheathing her knife again. She spat on the blade and dragged the flat edge across her thigh, revealing it’s reflective surface. It was a trick she’d learned in the city to enable her to check around corners for Walkers. It was also a tried and tested military technique to use small mirrors and reflections for such a task and she was sure that if her brother was watching over her from somewhere, he’d have been proud of her, not only for doing what she had to do, but for having the intelligence to educate herself before running into battle.

The glint of the knife provided her with a tiny, but accurate view down the street towards Aarons house, where she could see two of the enemy group enter the house. She retreated and pressed her back against the house, next to Aaron.

“Your house.” She whispered “The door is open.”

Aarons head thudded back against the surface behind him and he squeezed his eyes shut. “ _Shit_ ” He hissed.

“Eric?” She asked.

“I told him to hide. He’s not a fighter.”

“Did you close the door when you left?”

“Yes”

“Then the chances are, he’s already gone. I’ll check the house.” She decided, moving back towards the corner of the house and gripping her machete.

“I’ll go with you.” Aaron told her quietly. She spun around, pushing him back, in no uncertain terms telling him that he would be doing no such thing.

“I got this. I want you to go and find Daryl for me” She expressed with her hand on his chest.

“I’m not leaving you” He argued.

“Yes, you are.” She gripped the front of his clothing in her fist and shoved him against the house with a thud. “Listen to me” She growled. “I’ll be damned if I lose the man I love again. So, _you_ are going to find him for me. We both know I’m not a perfect fighter but I’m better than you and I can do this. What I can’t do, is live without Daryl in my life. So, go and fucking find him, Aaron or so help me god I will tear down every single one of those licence plates you’ve collected and lovingly attached the wall in the hallway and toss them on a fire while I dance around it singing Kum ba yah!”

Aaron blinked at her in shock but did not for one second take her for a fool. He knew that she was not only deadly serious, but that she was right; She wasn’t as proficient against humans as she needed to be, but he wasn’t as capable a fighter as her. Conceding, much to his worry and trepidation, he gripped her arm.

“Alright, you get my man and I’ll get yours.” He stated.

Jess nodded and went to turn back to the corner, before pausing and looking slightly confused.

“Wait…then we’re swapping back, right?” She asked, a slight smile tugging at her lips. Aaron sniggered and pat her shoulder before dashing off in the other direction, taking the route around the back of the houses in order to stay out of sight.

All around her, gunfire still rang out but the screams were dying down. Bodies littered the street and it wouldn’t be long before they reanimated. They needed to push the invading group back and do a sweep of the bodies with their brains still intact. But first, they needed to kill as many of the violent and ruthless men as possible.

Aaron and Eric’s place appeared to be empty when Jess gradually inched in through the already open front door. Inside was dim, the only light pouring through the windows from a floodlight on the main gate. She checked the shapes in the dark, ticking them off in her mind, each one recognised as a piece of furniture or a blanket or cushion. The house was eerily still and compared to the commotion going on outside, it unsettled Jess’s nerves and caused her to clutch the handle of her blade even tighter than usual. She could hear her heart pounding in her head and she supressed a shiver as she reached the kitchen. So far, so good.

The hands seemed to come out of nowhere, morphed from the blackness like creatures of the night, grabbing and manipulating her limbs. Gruff laughter and putrid breath licked at her neck and the side of her face as she was jostled across the room. Her blade was ripped from her hand and all that remained at her disposal was her knife, obscured by her sleeve and held out of sight by her fingers curled up to her wrist.

The room flashed before her when she was twisted around and slammed onto the kitchen counter, her head bouncing from the hard surface. For a few seconds, everything blurred and her hearing dropped out before coming back and presenting her with the sinister laughter of the shadows around her. The air left her body, her lungs strained and her stomach contracted. Her throat gasped. Black figures hovered above her, grappling at her clothing to a tune of gruff and sneering laughter. Jess felt a sharp sensation at her throat, long and lethal. She dropped the knife from her sleeve into her hand and hit out with the sharp end of an uppercut, topped by the hunting knife but coming into contact with nothing but air. A mocking voice commented that she was bound to be a lot of fun before they killed her and that they couldn’t let ‘the boss’ know about this one. She could sense that there were two men holding her down, taking her only weapon and pinning her arms to the table. She thrashed and bucked and tried to scream but was soon hushed by the rancid breath of one of the men, leaning close to her face and telling her that if she made a sound, they would gut her like a fish. Her legs were forced apart and she could hear a belt buckle being undone.

 _No!_ She thought _No, No, No! Please, No!_

The back of her head felt wet and began to bleed from the blunt force trauma. Her inner thighs thrummed with agony as one of the men held onto her flesh so tightly, she thought he might tear her skin from her bones. Dread twisted in her gut and she thought she might throw up when the pressure on her thighs released and the sharpness against her neck vanished. Her sheer horror was making everything a little difficult to make out and she rolled onto her side, coughing and reaching up to her head, wincing at the pain.

Daryl hardly ever missed a shot and was glad of his proficiency with a crossbow when he managed to kill one of the men holding jess down with one shot, straight through his temple. The other one looked up in shock as Daryl tossed the bow onto the kitchen counter and ran at him, bulldozing him from the table and landing on top of him. He ripped the weapon from his hand, which he quickly noticed to be Jess’s own Machete and began hacking at him, over and over, growling loudly and driving the weapon down and flinging it up again, all the while fueled by the image of seeing her restrained and about to be hurt in one of the worst possible ways. He didn’t stop, pummeling the brain matter into the flooring, each blow representing only a small fragment of his pure rage.

Jess climbed down from the table and dragged herself into the safety of the corner, pressing her back to a cupboard and hugging her knees as she watched Daryl hack the man into tiny pieces in the light from the window. The metallic odor of murder filled the air and she flinched with every brutal chopping sound until eventually, he stopped and sat back on his knees, panting wildly and tilting his head back to the ceiling.

It felt like hours but it was mere seconds before Daryl got to his feet and turned to face her. She knew it was him, knew he would never hurt her but in that moment, he looked utterly chilling. He charged out of the kitchen, to the living room where he checked from the window on the state of the town. People were re-grouping in the street. Rick, Glenn. Carol, Maggie and Michonne were all in the middle of the road and all in one piece. On his way back to Jess, he slammed the front door closed and adopted a calmer and slower demeanor with her. He pulled a flashlight from his pocket, clicked it on and placed it on the counter, shining the beam to the ceiling so it wasn’t too harsh but he needed to see her face. Like a frightened animal, she peered up at him with blood running down the side of her head. His chest tightened in sorrow at the state of her and he pushed away the urge to lunge at her and wrap her in his arms, knowing it would scare her even more. Slowly, he leaned down to her and offered her his hand. He said nothing, hoping that she could see in his eyes that his number one priority was her and her safety. But she just crawled further into the corner.

“Jess, it’s alright.” He soothed, lowering himself to his knees “Ya safe. I got ya.”

She stared down at his blood-soaked hand and felt something rising inside her. It was distress. It released from her chest in a loud exhalation and tears started to soak down her cheeks. She gingerly reached out and touched his hand, he bit down on his lip at the sensation of her shaking violently. She wrapped her fingers around his and gradually, he felt her hold on tighter and tighter until he was pulling her onto his lap and enveloping her in his arms. He listened to her gentle sobs and with each sniff, another piece of him fell away. He hated her being hurt and wished he could take it all away.

“You good?” He asked, tenderly stroking the uninjured side of her head. She nodded and began to shift from his lap, staggering to her feet and holding onto the countertop. He got up, grabbed his crossbow and dragged his hand across his eyes, clearing some of the blood from his vision and lifting the bottom of his shirt to wipe his face.

“Uh… I…” Jess tried to say. She pushed her fingers into her hair, feeling a lump forming at the back and a gash at the side. It was wet and sticky with blood. When she started to run thought exactly what had happened in her mind, Daryl could only watch her helplessly as she paced about, her eyes scanning the wooden floor under her boots. She quickly refastened the button on her camo pants and smoothed her hands over her painful thighs. “…Um. I think- I…” she stops and stared at him with tears still forming in her eyes. “…I think I almost got...They were going to…”

Daryl was totally perplexed when she burst into fits of laughter. Squeezing her eyes shut and entering into hysterics, using the countertop for stability. Baffled by her behavior but glad she seemed to have let go of her fear, eventually, he started to smile along with her but was still deeply concerned.

“They almost fucking killed me!” She cried “They almost raped and killed me. I can’t believe it! Holy crap!”

The more she looked at him and his confused expression, the more her laughter waned until finally, she was stood in front of him breathing heavily and glaring at him with a strange kind of intensity that Daryl could not place.

“You saved my life. Again.” She uttered.

She closed the gap between them, crossing the wooden flooring as if she was on a mission. She stopped inches from him, placed both of her hands on either side of his face, and kissed him. Without warning. Without permission. Without even deciding to do it or ruminating the consequences. He’d held her life in his hands and he still did and she needed it. She needed him simply because her whole being was so thankful, so unashamedly appreciative of his very existence that she couldn’t have done anything else. When her lips met his, she was alive again.

Daryl was hopelessly unprepared and caught off guard and he was certain that every single muscle he possessed locked into a tight knot. He stood there, immobile and wondered how, for so many months, he’d spent time admiring her and studying every part of her face and lips and yet still, did not see this coming. His mind was screaming at him to react in a mixture of his own voice and that of his brothers.

_This is what you’ve wanted for so long. Kiss her back._

She tore away from him, stumbling back and covering her mouth with her hand, her eyes were wide with panic and he could see her fingers quivering in front of her lips. His own were parted and tingling from the soft sensation of her kiss, now lingering like a reminder of his own inaction. He peered cluelessly at her through his wet, bloody hair.

“Shit” she breathed “Oh _shit_.”

She whirled around, running for the door like it was an Olympic sprint and was gone from the house before Daryl could even blink. He released a strained breath and leaned back against the kitchen table, gripping the edge either side of him with knuckles turning white. His head lowered and he closed his eyes.

_I guess this is where everything changes._

* * *

Had she stayed in Alexandria that night, she would have discovered that the group responsible for multiple murders in the town was, indeed the same one from the city and the woods and it was apparent that their spotters had followed Ricks group back from a recent search. Biding their time, they’d waited until the gate guard was distracted and taken their chance, filtering into the community in the darkened corners of the streets and taking out the guards as quietly as possible.

Deanna was notified with enough time to usher the vulnerable into her attic and wait for what she hoped would not be the downfall of her dream.

But Jess fled from Aaron’s house like a bat out of hell, darting across the street and past the exhausted and re-grouping crowd, which contained Aaron and Eric, who exchanged a worried glance after seeing Daryl race in through their open front door in search of Jess. Eric started forwards with the intention of following her, but was stopped by Aaron taking his hand and slowly shaking his head.

_Whatever happened, she needs to be alone._

Daryl emerged sometime after Jess with his crossbow on his back and holding onto her machete and knife. He trudged towards the waiting stares of Rick’s group, who were all in various states, but none of which were as stained red by blood as him. Carol ran out from the middle, skidding to a stop in front of him and gasping at the state of him. Asking if it was his blood, he solemnly shook his head, looked up at Aaron and Eric and told them not to go into the house until he’d been able to remove the bodies.

Jess used water from her tank at the large sink in the diner’s kitchen. She stripped down to her bare skin and scrubbed until she was red raw, shivering and trying to wash off the dirt and the blood and the terror and the sadness. Her mind kept flicking back to being held down to the table and her thighs ached from the hand-shaped bruises forming.

Her own morality wasn’t something she dwelled on too much anymore. In her reasoning, she was a survivor, until she wasn’t anymore and that was no less certain even before the world died. But Daryl saving her life had shoved her, staring into the void of her own demise, forcing her to acknowledge that had he not been there in time, ultimately, it was the end for her. Being taken away and used or being killed there and then, it hadn’t mattered to her because there simply was no difference, both meant it was over and it was a thought that stabbed pure fear into every inch of her being.

Jess had come to the conclusion since the turn that everyone had a monster inside them in some way or another. That most of people’s monsters lay dormant, in a constant state of disuse because they were brought up a certain way, because they’re not wired that way or because they’ve been conditioned, in some way shape or form, to control them. Others, dance with their monsters and feed them and nourish them on their path to immorality, prison or hell. But those that become nothing but monsters at the end of the world were a new type of depravity to Jess. Those that chose to take that path, instead of surviving in the best way possible and retaining their humanity.

The violence she’d witnessed from Daryl had been like watching a horror movie on a screen, only the noise was real and she could smell the blood and the chopped up, mutilated remains would undoubtedly be an image that she would never forget. But she understood that the difference between Daryl and the men that charged Alexandria for a murder spree, was their monsters and now she’d seen with her own eyes just how vicious Daryl’s was. But he’d made a choice to be on the right path, using death only to protect and prevent, contrary to the men he’d killed.

Wandering out to the wooden seats that still remained at the front of the diner from its days of use. She drew a thick blanket around her shoulders, covering her Star Wars hoodie and sweatpants. She quietly slid onto the seat and brought her legs up, crossing them underneath and studied the long grass between the rides as it swayed in the wind. The ringing of the bell on the gate tinkled through the metal structures and she leaned to one side, squinting and spotting Daryl with his body pressed against the gate and his fingers laced through the fencing.

Wearily and with a certain degree of frustration, she hauled herself up from the bench and padded to the gate, stopping in front of it and not even bothering to tell him that she wasn’t about to let him in.

_Don’t mention the kiss. Please, Daryl._

Daryl got the message as soon as he saw her face. His clothing was still crimson in color but his skin had been cleaned enough to make him look human again. His hair was matted and his face was tired, his filthy fingers clung to the metal fencing.

Jess approached the gate and stopped two feet away, not bothering to tell him that she was not going to let him in. But Daryl could tell he wasn’t going to be allowed any further. It was written all over her face and she was paler than he’d ever seen before.

“Needed to know you’re OK” He said quietly, his voice croaky from the sheer ferocious nature of chopping a man into multiple pieces and expelling his rage through his throat.

“I’m not OK. I just need to be left alone.” She said honestly.

“What can I do?” he asked, ignoring the latter part of her sentence and focusing on the fact that she was not, in fact, okay.

_I’m not going to mention the kiss. Now aint the time._

“Nothing.” She whispered, running a hand through her hair and clutching the blanket at her waist.

“Ya head alright? Ya took a beatin” He observed after noticing the cut to her right temple had been cleaned up and was luckily, smaller than he’d expected.

“Sore.” She shrugged. Concussion was a very real possibility and Jess was aware of that. Her head stung and ached with pain when she’d attempted to get some sleep and so she decided that she would think her night away while sitting on the bench outside.

“You okay other than that?” He continued

Usually always delighted to be in his company, when she looked at him, she expierenced a bizarre mix of emotions, among which was humiliation, but also gratitude. She needed him to leave but didn’t possess the mental energy to find the politest way to ask.

“Daryl-”

“-Don’t you dare argue with me right now, Jess.” He interrupted firmly. The gate rattled on its hinges when his boot hit the bottom of the frame, adding an element of irritation to his warning. “I said, are ya okay, other than that?”

“Some bad bruising on my thighs. That’s it.” She sighed, noting him shift and move closer to the gate, levelling his gaze with her.

“No, uh, I meant…” he pauses “they were gonna-”

“-I know.” She cut in “I know what they were going to do. I’m ok. Really.”

She didn’t need to file through the details, didn’t need to talk about how frightened she was or how her skin felt like it had been marred even though it didn’t get that far, she also didn’t want to talk about how she’d witnessed the man she loved bludgeon someone else to a pulp. What she needed, was sleep and to start moving on.

“What you saw…” he croaked “…what ya saw me do…I’d never hurt you. Don’t be scared of me, Jess. Please.”

A lump formed in her throat at the thought of him believing her to be scared of him. He was the person she trusted more than anyone else in the world and he was responsible for her still being alive and able to step forward and entwine her fingers with his through the fence.

“Remember when I told you I’d kill anyone that tried to hurt you?” She asked. Daryl only nodded at the memory. “You did the same for me tonight. I’ll never be afraid of you.” She sniffed “I adore you.”

He unlaced his hands from the fence, pushing them back through once more, over hers and held them there tightly.

“I couldn’t stop. I just…couldn’t stop. Everything went black n’ there was just me n’ him and I thought of you and what he could’a…” He explained. “…I’m here. If ya need to talk. I’m here.”

“I’m okay, Daryl. It didn’t happen. You stopped it.” She assured him

He tried to step back but he couldn’t bring himself to let go of her hands, his feet moved but he was soon against the fence again, pleading with her to just let him in, into the fairground and into her thoughts. But she was more independent than he remembered and she needed to start to process it on her own. His eyes never left her, even when a long and intense silence lasted for almost a minute and his hands only gripped hers more.

“I’m the one you tell.” He rasped. “Me.”

She rested her head against his with the fence dividing them like a physical representation of the barrier that had been cemented between them from the beginning.

“Always” She agreed.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK! This one has been a long time coming! Nice and long and I hope it doesn't disappoint. Thank you to everyone who has left comments, I do try and respond to them all when I can. I am so grateful for those of you that take time to tell me how much you are enjoying the story. Credit goes to Tx_ladyj for the ideas, OC and plot <3 
> 
> Please forgive typos, When you read something so much you cant see the wood for the trees!

The next morning was fraught with tension and sorrow. Most of the guards were killed and as a result, people began to step up, offering their help where they could as the cleanup effort began. A truck was being filled with the bodies of the enemy group, while the fallen Alexandrian’s were all gathered near the graveyard to be given funerals. Deanna was the first to spot Jess when she was let through the gate and she immediately ceased her conversation with Rick and ran to her with her arms wide open.

“Oh, Jess! You’re alright” She gasped as she drew her into a warm hug. Not one for hugging everyone anymore, especially after such a harrowing attack, Jess swallowed hard and made an exception, lifting her arms and allowing Deanna to hold her in an embrace. “The others, they said they saw you run out last night.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t stay and help, I just needed to get out of here. I was attacked-” She tried to reason.

“-We know.” Rick interrupted as he walked over with his hands on his hips. “Daryl told us.”

“W-what did Daryl tell you exactly?” She asked hesitantly, all the while hoping that Daryl had left out some significant detail that would only add to her humiliation.

“He said he walked into Aaron and Eric’s place because the door was wide open and saw two of them trying to kill you. Said you took a beating but you were putting up a pretty good fight.” He explained.

Jess relaxed somewhat, her shoulders loosening and her defenses lowering. He hadn’t told them everything and had the consideration to omit the things which he knew she would find horrifying if everyone else knew. She owed him for that, the thought of the entire town knowing what she'd been subjected to was not something she could entertain without feeling physically sick.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Jess questioned. It was as good an idea as any to steer the focus away from what happened in the house the night before. Behind Rick. in the distance, she could see Daryl leaving the Grime’s home with Carl in tow.

“It’s all hands-on deck, whatever you can do. But first, I want you to go and get checked out by Denise.” Deanna instructed

“I will. But it can wait a couple hours” Jess mused “There was a woman, a blonde woman. By the wall over there” She motioned to the dark corner where she’d left the bloodied woman that she’d tried to save “Where is she now?”

Deanna took hold of Jess's hand and looked right at her. From her peripheral vision, Jess detected Carl and Daryl now within earshot.

“I saw what you did. I was at the window, checking there were no other Children running around that I could bring inside. That was brave, Jess. Your courage and humanity shown towards Mrs. Brennan was admirable.”

“It was nothing” Jess muttered as she very deliberately broke away from Deanna and headed to Carl.

“She’s with the others, in the church grounds.” Deanna called out to her.

Carl’s face lit up when Jess wound her way around Rick and Deanna and broke into a jog, slamming into him and hugging him fiercely. Caryl was only a kid and therefore a lot less triggering to her than physical contact from adults. She was delighted to see him, aware of the devastation that would follow losing Carl not only for Rick and the community, but for her also. Daryl continued to walk, meeting Rick and Deanna and joining them in observing Jess with Carl.

“Oh god, I’m glad you’re in one piece, kid.” Jess sighed into the side of the teenager’s head. He was now almost as tall her and she figured she must have missed the beginning of such a growth spurt. He was going to be as tall as his father and likely as brave too.

“You too.” He muffled against her jacket before stepping back and embarking on a run down of events as they’d transpired from his point of view.

Meanwhile, Daryl and Rick swapped a glance, one of concern for Jess but also for each other. They were beat after having worked all night to sweep the town and eliminate the chances of any of the dead rising again.

“She is playing it down” Deanna muttered through clenched teeth.

“Huh? What d’ya mean?” Daryl asked.

“What she did last night. I saw her from the window. Jennifer Brennan was running across the street away from one of those awful men. She was badly hurt and Jess appeared from nowhere and took him down. Then, she dragged Jennifer to the corner over there and stayed with her, held her hand and talked to her as she died.” She relayed with bloodshot eyes as she took in the impact on her town and the suffering that was forced on her people. “It was chaos, all of it. But she showed compassion and humanity towards that woman despite it all. Then, I watched her save Aarons life, too. She always said she wasn’t good at fighting people, just Walkers. I’m very proud of her.”

Daryl glanced between Deanna and Rick, who was still watching Jess laugh with Carl and playfully jabbing him in the arm.

“Yeah” Daryl mumbled.

_Me too._

He cleared his throat and tugged her knife and machete from his belt, slowly encroaching on her conversation with Carl. She stopped talking when she saw him and peered at him expectantly. He held out her weapons, noticing that the end of her bow, which was positioned across her torso as normal, was bent out of shape.

“Cleaned ‘em up for ya.” He told her. She took them from his hands, her eyes never leaving his as she did so and she knew Carl was watching, but struggled to care. “I want ya to go see the Doc, let her make sure ya aint concussed.” He requested

“Thanks. I will. I just imagine she’s kinda busy right now.” She shrugged. Connecting her machete to her belt with its leather loop and sliding her knife back into its holster, she clicked the button closed and pushed her lips into a thin line. He was still staring at her and she knew he wasn’t going to give in.

“So, we’ll wait. I’ll go with ya. C’mon.” He grunted.

Carl raised an eyebrow at Daryl’s unwavering stubborn streak and considered that this may very well be the kind of thing that Jess was referring to when she suggested that he use Daryl as an example of how to treat someone as if they truly mean something.

“Daryl, I can go by myself” Jess tried.

“Ya aint doin’ nothin alone until I know ya aint got a brain injury. Complain all ya like, I aint goin nowhere.” He insisted, taking her wrist and marching her off along the street.

“I’ll catch you later, kid” She called out to Carl, who was holding a hand up in a small wave with a knowing smile spread across his lips.

It turned out that after an hour long wait with Daryl hovering over her like a concerned husband, Jess did not have a concussion. What she did have, was severely bruised thighs, a gash across her temple and a bump to the back of her head that had gone down overnight and left a dull ache that was more than manageable. Denise was informed of the true happenings of the night against Jess’s wishes by Daryl, who stepped in when she tried to lie upon being asked if there was anything else that she wasn’t telling her. She’d scowled at him and cursed him in her head but underneath it all, she knew he was doing it because he cared and after everything she’d been through over the last few hours, she considered herself lucky to have such a blessing. When she was finally released from the infirmary, what little energy she did have was put to good use to aid the community in its repair and removal of the bodies. After all, she had all the time in the world, it wasn’t like she could catch a minute of decent sleep anymore.

Daryl made a point of keeping Aaron and Eric away from their home until he’d cleared the bodies inside. Reluctant to let anyone see the result of his fury splattered all over the pristine, white kitchen. He left the house carrying a box full of body parts which he threw onto the back of the truck that contained the rest of the bodies and gave Aaron a nod in passing, letting him know the coast was clear.

“Sorry ‘bout the mess, man.” He mumbled.

Jennifer Brennan’s funeral was tough for Jess, who stood at the back of the crowd and pulled her hood and mask up to create a barrier between her emotions and everyone else. But she simply had to attend, not being present wasn’t an option when she’d ensured that Jennifer’s last moments were spent with her. She hoped she’d been able to do something to calm the woman’s heart, to put her mind at ease and to let her slip away as peacefully as possible among the pandemonium. She turned her body away from the funeral in an effort his hide her tears when it was declared that Jennifer’s husband had also been killed, leaving her two young boys as orphans. Daryl panicked up on her sadness and resisted the need to go to her. The last thing she needed was yet more attention.

* * *

In the longer-term aftermath of the attack upon Alexandria, an urgent meeting was called, ideas were swapped and opinions raised with regards to the security of the town and how well equipped it was to deal with such situations. Having never experienced much in the way of danger from outside the walls before, most of the residents were still shaken and angry, believing that huge changes needed to be made to make everyone feel more secure.

Rick’s group stepped up the guard duties, changed the gate rules and went on regular patrols in the woods and surrounding areas, also placing two people in the tower at any one time so as not stone was left unturned. It fast became common knowledge that out of the fifteen strong group that attacked, all but two of them were killed. Rick surmised that there would be a cooling off period for them to regroup and bring in reinforcements, if they possessed such a thing and that everyone should be prepared, at any time, for similar attacks.

Jess was tasked with taking training sessions on the promise from Deanna that she would run the lessons on how to kill Walkers and attend the lessons by Abraham on how to kill live humans as a trainee. The more she applied herself, the more she was able to mask her mood and after a week, she was able to cover her anxiety enough to convince everyone that she was just fine during the hour-long sessions. When really, she was plagued with flashbacks and nightmares and rarely slept a wink. She was tired, mentally and physically but training was giving her a focus and a useful one at that. But still, the dread seeped through and after her training sessions, she retreated back to the fairground and hid away from the world.

Nothing was said about the kiss that Jess planted on Daryl. Every time he tried, something else came up, someone interrupted or he thought she could sense it and either removed herself or changed the subject. He didn’t quite know exactly what he wanted to say, but the longer it was ignored, the larger the elephant in the room became. Jess wanted to forget it, sweep it under the rug and continue with their friendship as if she hadn’t tried to ruin it all. She hoped he would quickly realize her displeasure at the prospect of discussing it, purely because she hadn’t brought it up herself.

Daryl, who was usually reasonably self restrained, particularly where affairs of the heart were concerned, found it too tempting to resist stopping and watching during one of Jess’s training sessions. She was a delight for him to watch when she was in teacher mode. Confident, sure of herself and displaying a bossy side that tickled his interest in her all the more. In her hand, Jess held onto the knife that he’d given her all those months ago like it was precious and worth more than all the knives in Alexandria combined.

A couple of the participants in her class that day waved to Daryl, who stood off to one side and smiled thinly at Jess as she worked. He didn’t bother trying to hide his amusement, even dipping his head, running his chin and laughing quietly when she described them all as Stormtroopers locked in a war against the Walkers. That was the old Jess, the one he was seeing more and more of and that apparently, was done with being suppressed.

“Copycat.” He called out smugly at the sight of the fake Walkers made from potato sacks and stuffed with grass and straw which were tired to heavy posts. Just as he’d tied a real walker to a tree and demanded she learn how to kill them at the quarry.

Jess looked over her shoulder and shot him an irritated look. Her eyes lingered on him for longer than was needed, but she’d noticed his sleeveless, black shirt and the way he was casually leaning against the back of a house with his big arms crossed over his chest. It was staring her right in the face no matter how much she tried to ignore it, he was so attractive and she sometimes hated him for it especially when she was trying to concentrate. She marched over to him, stopping and resting her hands on her hips. Her six students wait and glanced at one another in curiosity.

“Can I help you, stinky?” She asked with a pout.

“Mind if I step in?” He requested.

Jess let out a giggle of disbelief and shook her head at his boldness.

“Yes, I do.”

He stood up straight and went to turn away from her in the direction of the road, his lips curled at one corner.

“Fine. Do it wrong.” He challenged.

The people behind her, comprising of three men and three women all began to grin at one another, finding the playful tension between Jess and Daryl highly amusing. Jess watched Daryl as he ambled towards the road, turning and walking backwards with his hands open, tempting her to reevaluate if she was sure her answer was the right one. She exhaled through her nose, frustrated at how she couldn’t say no to him because she wanted to look at him a little longer.

“Alright, smartass” She proclaimed “What do you want?”

He cleared his throat and walked back to her, stepping behind her and leaning down. With his hand he hooked his fingers around her calf and eased her outside leg further back.

“This leg needs to be further back. It’s a defense thing. Less likely to fall on your ass” he explained, taking her arm and moving it up and back, closing his hand around hers on the knife. “This arm. Lift it up a little more.” He rasped in her ear as he slid a hand down her arm, gently closing it over her elbow and shifting it to the correct position.

Her skin was set alight when she felt his breath on her neck and the warmth of his chest brush against the thin fabric of her shirt. She swallowed hard and noticed everyone staring at them, most of them with recognizable smiles that were directed at Jess’s pink cheeks and Daryl’s unnecessarily close proximity to her.

“What are y’all looking at?!” She snapped at them all “You’ve had a demonstration, get practicing! Remember, keep your body behind your knife.” They all scattered like mice and picked up their weapons, chatting amongst themselves and helping each other.

Daryl had little desire to move and the longer he stood, connected to her side, the more he thought about the kiss and how he didn’t even know if he was right or wrong for not kissing her back. Given time, a few more seconds maybe, he was positive that he would have reciprocated. But the timing and the situation were all wrong. The whole thing was confusing, out of place and bizarre and he wished it wasn’t. He wished it had been in better circumstances, so he could have pulled her back to him and asked her if it was really what she wanted.

Standing firm, Daryl trailed his fingers back along her arm and dropped his hand to his side. She failed to increase the distance between them and took a deep breath as she shyly licked her lips and straightened up her jacket. Her cheeks were still pink and the day was not cold enough to have made them so. Her skin was reddened because she was flustered and he was loving every single second of it.

“Did you have to undermine me like that?” She uttered.

“Probably not.” He smirked

“Then what are you even doing?” She tested

Daryl sucked both lips into his mouth and thought for a moment. He had an idea, but wasn’t sure if he was pushing his luck a little too far. He saw the glint in her eye while she waited for an answer and decided to take the chance, figuring he’d just make a joke out of it if it backfired.

“Need a sparring partner?” He questioned confidently, looking down his nose at her.

If anyone could fight, it was Daryl. He didn’t think himself good at much, a modest number of things; fishing, hunting and having grown up scrapping with the best of them, he was fearless and could more than hold his own. What he lacked in professional training he made up for in determination and resolution.

“Uh, no?’ Jess replied.

“Yeah ya do.” He argued. “Need to show ‘em how it’s sposed to look. Get some practice in of your own too”

She considered his offer, unable to actually find a reason to decline. He was right. It would be helpful to show them what everything was supposed to look like and as much as she tried not to entertain the thought; she liked the idea of a little healthy competition with the man she thought to be the most attractive she’d ever seen.

“Fine. Tomorrow. But we’ll have to meet up and discuss what I'm going to teach them and how” She instructed in her best official and professional voice.

“Fine by me. Meet ya at your place tonight.” He was already on his way to the road, throwing his response over his shoulder with a hidden smile that only she was allowed to see.

* * *

Jess was resourceful enough to work out her own way of training using her weapons and keeping her stamina up. Since the attack, she felt the need to hone her skills more than usual and aside from her time as both a teacher and a student inside the walls, outside, she reserved time each week for cardio training. Just as in the city, she always remembered that she may never know when she would have to run, and keep running and so, keeping up her fitness level was of great importance. She also didn’t want to become complacent with her weapons. Being attached to a safe zone was one thing, but she still lived outside the walls and should her own land be attacked, she needed to know how to defend it, and herself.

Inside the fences of the fairground were various home-made training sections. Scarecrow-like effigies were tied to the horses of the carousel for knife training and targets were hanging, dotted around the compound for firing at with her bow. When Daryl stepped out of the bushes and gained a view through the fence, he spotted Jess aiming and firing at a target with her bow. Her practice over the months of her being alone had paid off, and she rarely missed a shot through lack of skill, it was just her unsteady nerves and tendency to panic that sometimes put her off.

She lowered her bow when she clocked him working his way long the fence and met him at the gate. Opening it up and clanking it shut behind him. In the clearing between the carousel and the Ferris wheel, she walked to the middle and turned to face him, tossing her bow and quiver to one side.

“You think I can’t handle myself, Dixon?” She challenged.

In truth, she felt far from the capable superhero she presented herself to be. She was tired and on edge, the constant memories of her attack dropping into her mind to remind her of her near-death experience. She hated it and it made her angry and sad and vulnerable. Most of all, she hated the nightmares.

“Seen ya fight. You’re good with Walkers. But it was me that taught ya.” Daryl cleverly pointed out.

“You taught me to fight with a knife” She pointed out, unsheathing her blade and tossing it onto the grass. He raised his eyebrows “we’re not using weapons. Before anything else, those people…and me…we need to learn how to survive in a situation where we aren’t blessed with a blade or a gun. Who better to teach me than a brawler like you?”

“You think I’m a brawler?” He asked with a hint of surprise, although he couldn’t blame her for thinking it with a reputation and a temper like his.

“Tell me, how many fights were you involved in before the turn, Daryl?” She shot back at him.

“Alright. Yeah, a lot.” He accepted, tilting his head to one side with a subtle shrug.

He didn’t know what he’d been anticipating when he offered himself up as a sparring partner, but combat with no weapons was certainly not it. All things considered, he wasn’t entirely displeased with the prospect of being so close to Jess, but he was apprehensive about hurting her. When she raised a hand and beckoned him with one finger, his stomach hummed with a complex mix of nerves, excitement and worry.

“Fight me” She challenged.

“You’re sure about this?” He checked.

“Ahh…you’re scared” She mocked, knowing very well that he was far from afraid of her but delighting in being able to poke fun at him.

“I ain’t scared of nothin’.” He warned.

“So, fight me.” She smiled.

He lunged at her and she dodged his first swing, ducking and jabbing him in the side. She refrained from hitting him as hard as she actually could, unsure of her own strength and not wanting to leave any bruises. He swung a leg under her feet, knocking her off balance and grabbing her arm, spinning her and twisting it behind her back. She took a deep breath while he held her there, trying to ignore the churning in her stomach, the gnawing discomfort of being touched after her near miss at the hands of the two barbaric strangers in Aaron and Eric’s house. Fixating her energy onto the task at hand, she stamped on his foot at the same time as shooting an elbow backwards, into his ribs. A grunt rang through her head and she detected his grip loosen a little, just enough for her to slip down to the floor and out of his grasp. Straightening up again wasn’t all that difficult but she soon grasped that her cockiness was too premature when Daryl simply slapped his hands on her shoulders and knocked her backwards. She stumbled and hit the deck like a toddler, devoid of a single ounce of grace. Flat out on the grass, she gawped up at him when he knelt down with a leg either side of her and held her arms to the ground.

A brief spell of panic flashed through her with the vivid memory of being trapped on the table in Aarons house, forced to breathe in the stench of rotten breath from the man holding her down and the pressure on her thighs from the one who intended to violate her. In a split second, she was back in the present, in the fairground and under Daryl with his blue eyes peering down at her.

“You’re holdin’ back.” He rasped at her with a slight smile that made her stomach flutter.

“So are you” she panted back.

“Thought you couldn’t fight the livin’.” He reminded her.

“I can’t” She admitted.

Daryl’s restrained breathlessness hadn’t come from their brief fight, but more from his inability to ignore the magnetism he felt whenever he was near her. Jess’s was a mixture of both their strenuous activity and her deep feelings for him, now strengthened by his need to shield her from any harm that may come her way.

“Guess I am scared of somethin’ after all.” He deliberated

“What’s that?”

“Hurtin’ you.” He admitted.

It was the same for her. She was adamant that she wouldn’t go too far, hit too hard or do anything to leave any pain that lingered. Hurting Daryl was the last thing she wanted and she found herself relating to his statement, but choosing not to acknowledge it with anything more than a feeble nod. Upon moving away from her and allowing her to crawl to a sitting position with her legs stretched out in a V shape, Daryl offered her some constructive criticism which was gratefully received by Jess, who had a genuine and burning desire to be able to hold her own should she be faced with two more men who chose to be monsters.

“So much for discussing lesson plans.” She sighed even though she’d gained more pointers from this one, short attempt at fighting than she had at an hour-long lesson inside the walls.

“This was more fun.” Daryl commented. He liked how the stray strands of her hair blew like ribbons in the breeze when they fell from her braid, tickling around her face and tempting him to touch them, to softly graze her skin at every opportunity. She brushed them from her eyes and looked thoughtfully across the fairground.

“Yeah, it was” she uttered.

Jess picked at the grass, collecting long strands of green and winding them around her index finger before ripping them from the earth. But her attention wasn’t on the empty patches of dirt she left in her wake, it was on Daryl and the fact that he’d saved her life. Again. Her eyes lifted to find him already staring at her through his hair, his features set in a serious look.

“Thank you for saving me the other day. I should have said that before.” She offered.

“No need. I’d do it over n’ over. You know that.” he responded. She took his short but sincere reply as the end of it and resumed her grass trimming ritual.

The big issue hanging over them both was the kiss. The sudden, thoughtless and shocking kiss that had rooted Daryl to the spot and sent Jess fleeing in a daze of horror and humiliation. He’d tried to bring it up, accepting that talking it over was something that had to happen for both of their sakes. But Jess was less convinced of its importance while she wished she could turn back time and make a different decision in that moment. As he sat opposite her on the grass and observed her peacefully picking at the blades with her fingers, he guessed that it was as good a time as any. They were alone and without interruption or distraction.

“Jess?” He started.”We ever gonna talk ‘bout what happened afterwards?”

She stilled instantly with her fingertips pinched around a daisy. He could see her chest expand when she drew in a deep a trouble breath, her eyes flickered around the area between her knees. Daryl felt like he was holding his breath for the duration of time that it took for her to reply to him and he could do nothing but endure the wait of time ticking by, thirty seconds, then forty.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” She finally said.

Now, he had to be braver, pushier but not demanding. He was treading on thin ice and at the wrong comment, Jess could well have fled into her home and refused to acknowledge that day ever again. It wasn’t an option for Daryl, he needed answers.

“Pretty sure you kissed me.” He braved.

“Please” She scoffed. “That wasn’t a kiss.”

He was baffled. He was as sure as the sun rose every morning that she had stormed up to him in Aaron and Eric’s house and kissed him. After all, he should know, it had been a long time since he’d felt the lips of a female on his and he was highly unlikely to be able to forget the fact that this time around, it was Jess.

“Sure felt like it.” He tried to argue in the most non-confrontational way he could.

Jess got to her feet and flicked the grass from her pants. She made eye contact with him, but only for a brief spell before it became too uncomfortable to withstand. Her defensive side was creeping out.

“Yeah? Well you don’t get to say what it was; you didn’t participate.” She remarked as she stomped across the ground to collect her knife and bow. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to head inside.”

 _I guess that’s the end of that._ He thought.

“Alright.” He admitted defeat and didn’t bother to question her further. He wasn’t in the mood for an argument, especially one about such a touchy subject that he thought he might now be willing to let go after seeing her dislike for the subject being raised. It would still resonate every time he looked at her, that much was evident. But to save her closing up and getting mad at him, he shelved the issue for the time being.

The next couple of days saw Abraham, Glenn and Daryl making several trips to a nearby quarry to gather yet more building supplies. The tower was being expanded and basements secured and concealed as hiding places. The area around the walls was being improved with a walkway and platforms with spaces to mount rifles and sadly, the graveyard was being expanded.

Rick was barely seen for 48 hours while he embarked on a low key, one-man mission to find any more tracks of enemy groups that may be laying in wait to attack the town. So far, nothing had been found and he and Deanna could only conclude that for the time being, they were safe enough.

Jess was sitting with the town’s leader on the front porch when a truck rolled through the gates and Abraham, Glenn and Daryl climbed out and began unloading wood and metal beams from the back. Jess had been talked into accepting a lemonade from Deanna, which was much to her irritation but to save face and not come across as though she was a harbinger of misery, she gracefully agreed and promised herself than ten minutes of chit chat would do the trick. Really, she just wanted to go back to the Fairground and hide, as she had done since the attack. The only things bringing her out of her sanctuary being the unavoidable or the necessary.

The truck appeared just in time for Jess to make her excuses and leave as Deanna began to mention moving inside the walls once more. With a subtle eye roll and a sigh, Jess placed her empty glass on the table, thanked Deanna for her hospitality and hopped down the steps towards the truck, where Abraham was buckled over and complaining to anyone within earshot that he’d pulled something in his back.

Without thinking too much of it and under Daryl’s speculative gaze as he helped Glenn move the materials, Jess set to work on loosening the knots in Abraham’s back using her thumbs to dig deep into the muscles in the hope of increasing the blood flow and lessening the pain. Abraham’s reddened face started to calm and gradually he managed to straighten back up again. Jess kept her distance, uneasy about being so close to anyone. She’d managed it with Daryl during their sparring but it wasn’t without its tribulations and she still didn’t trust her own mental health to hold up while so close to another person. She felt her own face flush with heat when Abraham began moaning loudly and attracting the attention of everyone around.

“Yeeeeah! That’s right girl, don’t stop!” He cried while she worked on his lower back, making sure that she wasn’t just moving the problem to another area. In his waistband, was a 9mm that she brushed the handle of as she went. “Careful of my gun, honey. You’re gonna make it go off all over the joint at this rate” He chuckled “It’s loaded.”

“Oh, shut up, Abe.” Jess scoffed, still uncomfortable but wanting to help her friend and failing to hide a grin. Catching Daryl’s eye as he stalked past, she noticed him taking a drag on a cigarette and scowling at them both.

“You wanna go a little further down, there? You can play with the beanbag. I’ll let ‘cha.” He added.

“Ew!” Jess squealed back.

No matter how she dressed it up and no matter how together Abraham was with Rosita, Daryl still struggled not to feel the unwanted familiarity of jealousy when she giggled along like she was a small child, totally enthralled. He couldn't say anything about it, to do so would have put their friendship at risk, and that was something he wouldn’t do without definitive proof that she felt the same. Friends like her don't come along too often. Maybe if he had a little more height and a little more presence along with a vulgar sense of humour, she might forget about the large military man that garnered so much of her attention, but the truth as he saw it, was that on a generous assessment, his own looks and personality were less than ordinary but far from appealing.

A slap rang out across the street when Jess’s hand collided with Abrahams shoulder and she shoved him away from her, chuckling loudly at his boisterous sense of humour. Abe placed a big hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze, thanking her for her assistance and turning slightly more serious when she twisted away from him and let her smile fade at the discomfort of the physical contact. Daryl pretended to sort the smaller chunks of wood and brackets on the back seat, gaining himself a front row seat to their conversation.

“You alright? You look kinda tired” Abraham noticed. Jess wrinkled her forehead and squinted in the sunshine.

“I’m fine. Just not sleeping much.” She admitted.

“Well, you watch your 6 out there while you’re huntin’ and tired. Or, I’ma have to rat you out to ya boyfriend.” He warned.

“Daryl isn’t the boss of me, Abraham.” She corrected boldly with a hint of sass.

Abraham’s face lit up and he chortled to himself while peering down his nose at her. Totally unaware of what she’d just said, she raised her hands in a clueless gesture.

“What?” She asked.

“Oh nothin’…It’s just…who said I meant Daryl?” He replied with a wide grin under his mustache.

The trucks door slammed and Jess flinched at the sound, whirling around in time to see Daryl sling a heavy canvas bag over his shoulder and glimpse at her as if he was running away from something. She waited for him to join Glenn on the other side of the street before slowly turning back to Abraham with her jaw taut and her hand tapping her thigh nervously.

_I really hope he didn’t hear that._

Abraham stepped closer to her and guided her around the truck and out of Daryl’s sight by her elbow “Y’know, he might have the cure to your grouchiness, young lady.” He suggested with a knowing grin.

“Don’t you dare” She warned with a thin smile and a wag of her finger.

“C’mooooon, don’t tell me you don’t wanna pet that Python.” He beamed, shooting her a quick wink.

“What?! Abe! No!” She exclaimed. Horrified at his crude and yet not entirely unfunny remark.

“Well why the hell not?!” He asked.

She briefly stared off into space, at nothing in particular and tried to figure out a way of explaining the situation to him without drawing more dirty comments out of him. Clinging to the only thing she thought he could maybe relate to, she tried her luck.

“You a Star Wars fan?” She started

“I seen the movies, yeah.” He shrugged.

“OK, so I’m like a Padawan in this apocalypse. He’s my Jedi master, teaching me the ways of the force. They don’t have relationships.”

His bushy eyebrows changed position as he thought it over but her explanation was soon met with an incredulous expression and a huff of disbelief.

“Shit, girl” He commented “It ain’t no lightsaber. It’s not gonna take ya hand off”

Before the conversation could get any worse and before her anxiety reared its ugly head, Jess decided to beat a hasty retreat.

“I gotta get back to the fairground. Goodbye, Abraham.” She said sternly, seeing him chuckle back at her and raise a hand in a departing wave.

Spinning around and heading for the gate, she very nearly charged straight into Daryl, who was returning to the truck to collect the last of the materials. His eyes connected with hers before darting away again, concentrating on hauling the door open with a notable amount of strength and much more than was actually needed. She backed away from him, almost able to see the anger seething from him like smoke from a fire.

“What’s with the long face?” She questioned hesitantly.

“Nothin’.” He grumbled under his breath, reaching into the trucks cab and retrieving his crossbow. He slung it over his shoulder and slammed the door shut so loudly that Deanna rose from her seat on the porch and craned her neck to check there was nothing dramatic going on. Jess moved back and decided that she was too exhausted for one of Daryl’s complicated moods and went to turn to the gate when she heard him mutter something from behind her.

“Why’s he gotta do that?”

She slowly looked back at him, his face was stony, as it had been for the duration of Abraham’s massage and he was seemingly doing absolutely nothing to hide it.

“Who? Abe?” She checked. Soon opting not to wait for a reply. “He’s just joking.”

“Yeah, well it pisses me off” He blurted out against his better judgement. He had set out to mask his jealousy, to keep it inside and not mention it again, but his anger could make him impulsive and reckless and, as was apparent at that moment, snappy.

“Are you jealous again?” Jess asked. If he wasn’t going to acknowledge it, she was going to do it for him. Far be it from her to be subjected to and expected to suffer the moody nature of Daryl’s complex thinking. She’d done nothing wrong and wasn’t about to tiptoe around him and pander to a reaction that was his problem, not hers.

“No” he grunted.

“I think you are. But whatever you say” she sighed as she walked away. That was the end of it as far as she was concerned and having known Daryl for as long as she did, she began to wait until he swallowed his pride and sought her out to offer a shy apology.

* * *

Her suspicions were confirmed when he showed up at the fairgrounds gate when she was softy rocking back and forth in one of the Ferris wheel carts. He paced about impatiently while she climbed down and ambled towards the gate, unlocking it and allowing him inside. With his fingers shoved into his pockets, he nervously watched her through the greasy front strands of his hair and nibbled on his bottom lip.

“Sorry… ‘bout back there.” He mumbled. “Don’t know what got into me”

His urgent need to apologize was fueled by his inability to keep his mouth shut and the horror he felt when he thought back over how he’d behaved and the things he’d blurted out uncontrollably.

“Jealousy got into you. But it’s okay, forget it.” She snapped.

All at once, fatigue hit her out of the blue and a simple yawn turned into a stumble backwards against a disused trashcan. She grabbed backwards with her hands, steadying herself and feeling Daryl grip one of her elbows. He dragged his vision up and down her body, paying careful attention to her eyes, which were boasting dark circles underneath. Regaining her stance, she managed to stand back up again. 

“You gonna tell me what’s goin on?” he pressed.

“Nothing-” She tried.

“-Jess you look like shit.”

She blinked dramatically at him, more to clear her vision than anything else but his direct and reasonably hurtful comment was not lost on her.

“Wow. Thanks. Just leave if you don’t want to look at me.” She remarked.

“I-I don’t mean that how it sounded. You look exhausted. It aint good. Ya never look like this. I aint seen ya eat nothin’ in days. Ya don’t wanna be near nobody.” His observations were not unfounded and very little got past him when it came to Jess. She was his reason to smile, only she hadn’t been doing a lot of that herself since the attack.

“Well, I could use losing the extra pounds and that’s ridiculous, I’m around people all the time.” She argued.

“Oh really? Cause ya don’t spend time with nobody no more. When was the last time ya had a real conversation with Aaron? Huh?” It was a rhetorical question and one he knew she couldn’t protest at. “Ya lock yaself up in this place and you’re in and out of Alexandria quicker than a fuckin’ mail man.”

“That’s complete crap” She scoffed.

“Alright” He spat “Fine” His tone was aggravated but determined and she could tell he was up to something straight away.

He moved closer to her, looming over her and standing so close that when he inhaled, his chest almost touched hers. Her senses exploded and she became intoxicated by him. Her eyes fluttered and her heart rate quickened.

“Then you won’t mind if I stand right here.” He growled “See? You’re scared.” He watched her breathing change and her lips part. “You’re breathin’ hard. Can see ya hands shakin’ too.”

_Scared? I’m not scared of you. I’m in love with you and you’re standing so close to me I could kiss you again._

“That’s not because I’m scared of you, you idiot.” She whispered. “It’s because I’m not. Y-you don’t scare me. You make me nervous.”

Jess couldn’t recall another soul that she’d met in her life that made her as nervous as Daryl did. Everything about him set her on edge but in the best way possible. If only he wanted her the way she wanted him, the chemistry would be electric.

“That aint good.” He told her.

“It is.” She corrected “It means I care what you think of me.”

“Right now, I think ya need to tell me what’s goin’ on with you.” He took one, small step back to allow her some breathing room but at the same time cementing the fact that until she was honest with him, he wasn’t going anywhere. But Jess was reluctant, feeling childish and ashamed that her nightmares were having such an impact on her life. They were just dreams, bad dreams that she knew were not real. But their vivid and realistic nature was enough to mean they stayed with her all day long. She understood that a problem shared was usually a problem halved, but could Daryl really help her with something as complicated and personal as night terrors? He’d made it clear that he was the one that she was to tell if she needed to talk about anything and for that gesture of reaching out to her, she felt she owed him the truth.

“Nightmares. Okay? I have nightmares about that night.” She admitted.

Daryl sighed and closed his eyes briefly. He was smarter than to expect her to come out of such an ordeal with no lasting psychological effects, even if it was the apocalypse. Dreams were something he had some experience with himself and when he thought of how bad his own could get and so many years on from his trauma, his heart lurched and he wanted to hold onto her.

“Jess…” he paused “…do you, do you feel safe…with me?” he asked.

“Yes” She answered straight away “You’re the only person I feel safe with.”

He nodded and backed away from her but she could tell he was still deep in thought. She took a couple of steps around him in an attempt to see his face but he lowered his head and stroked his beard. She wondered if she should end the conversation there and then and vanish inside. But something about his body language was telling her to stay put.

“I’ll stay.” He eventually said, turning to see her eyebrows raise.

“What?” She croaked.

“I’ll stay here with ya tonight and any other nights you need. I’ll watch ya back while you sleep. Keep ya safe.” He offered.

Jess was touched and bowled over by his willingness to stay right by her side until he knew she was okay. She’d never have anyone exercise such a fierce protective side over her before and for a moment, she considered that if he never wanted her the way she wished he did, he would make an attentive and devoted partner for someone else.

“I can’t expect you to do that.” She told him.

“Would it help?” he asked.

“Maybe. Probably.”

“We’re friends, right?”

“Of course.”

“Then I’m here until ya don’t need me to be.”

She almost dived on him and wrapped her arms around him. It was this secret, sensitive and thoughtful side of him that she’d fallen for. The Daryl that hardly anyone got to see, anyone except her and because he chose to show her through his trust in her. The idea of some real sleep was a tempting one and after a lingering glance with Daryl, Jess agreed to let him stay.

* * *

The inside of the Diner was proof that Jess wasn’t coping with her exhaustion and the aftermath of the attack. Her living space, usually tidy and organized, was messy. Clothes were strewn everywhere along with empty cans and thin strips of wood for arrows that had never been touched. Books were discarded on the coffee table and the bed was unmade. It was totally different to how he’d seen it before and it only served to increase his worry for her.

She used the Diners kitchen to change into an oversized T-shirt and shorts for the night and as she did so, Daryl averted his gaze from the view through the transparent display fridge, affording her some privacy and dignity no matter how much he wanted to witness the beauty of her that she seemed to know nothing about. He removed his boots and vest and settled in an armchair opposite her bed, draping his vest over his arms in defense of the slight, biting cold in the room. When she returned, she wordlessly slid under the covers. Daryl shuffled around in the chair and prepared to keep a close vigil over her, when he glanced up and saw her staring at him.

“What is it? You okay?” He questioned.

“We’re friends and we have shared beds before.” She pointed out “You’re not sleeping on that chair. Come here.”

He had no interest in arguing but made sure not to leave the chair too quickly for fear of coming across as too keen. She moved to the far side and spread the pillows out as Daryl sat beside her and lay back. He fluffed the pillows behind his back, wanting to ensure he was slightly more elevated than her so he could see her should she wake. Jess snuggled down beside him and closed her eyes.

After a while, he realized that he hadn’t stopped looking at her, examining every part of her and resisting the urge to trace his fingertips over her bare upper arm and through her hair. A deep sigh escaped her lips and he didn’t know why or what had changed but he wasn’t strong enough to resist anymore. He felt down her arm with his fingertips and it set her skin alight with a blissful tingling. Torn between not reacting and finding a way to let him know she wasn’t going to push him away, she looked up at him and was floored when he lifted his arm and nudged his head up at her. Her mind was crowded with questions. Why was he doing this? Did he really want her to be closer to him? Was he going to change his mind? She would find no answers through inaction and so, she pulled herself closer to him. He remained there, waiting with his arm up and it dawned on her; he was trying to tell her that she should sleep on him. Knowing a good opportunity when she saw it and believing it to be a one off that she would never forget, she didn’t ask if he was sure. Instead, she nervously rested her head and hand on his chest, feeling the powerful beat of his heart under her palm. He closed his arm around her, over her shoulders and it was like a switch was flicked when she fell into a deep sleep. No flinching, no skin crawling, no trembling. Just peace. 

Daryl spent the next few hours drifting in and out of a light snooze, waking every time he remembered where he was, why he was there and that Jess was out for the count on his chest. It was a momentous occasion for him, having never even slept in the same bed as another woman, let alone one he cared so much about. Disregarding his own inhibitions and allowing such a thing was not something he’d ever thought would happen. But it had and he knew when she began to whimper and jolt in her sleep that he would do just about anything to keep her in one piece and by his side. He gently drew her closer, gradually enveloping her in both arms so as not to wake her and startle her. Her hair was as soft as silk under his fingers as he hushed her and lulled her back to a peaceful sleep;

“Shh. I got you. S’alright. Shh”

Morning broke and with it came the slither of bright light through the gap in the concealed windows. In the seconds that preceded her waking, she struggled to remember where she was or why she was there. Somehow wondering why she was not in her bed in her apartment surrounded by her dragon collection and listening to the street below as the world woke up. Then, reality hit and the comfy, warm pillow under her turned out to be Daryl. It all came flooding back. She didn’t know if he was awake or not and lay as still as possible to avoid him detecting that she was no longer asleep. She was going to hold onto this treat for as long as she possibly could. She nuzzled closer to him and to her delight, felt him hold her tighter. Her heart began to flutter and her stomach hummed with butterflies when it occurred to her that he’d pushed his face into her hair and was rubbing his thumb over the skin of her upper arm.

_This is bliss. Pure bliss. I think I died in the night and this is heaven._

Daryl could not believe his luck. He wondered why it didn’t feel strange to him or make him tense and nervous because of so much physical affection that he just wasn’t used to. Having only ever been touched by hands with violent intent, he was surprised to find that snuggling Jess just felt right to him. In the darkness her skin felt like a little touch of heaven, warm, together, cozy. He wished he could extend the night just so he could stay close to her for longer, with her safe in his embrace. His arms wrapped right around her brought a peace he’d never known before, a calming of the storms in his heart and he hoped it was the same for her too, although he may never know. But it was her that gave him hope for the future, made him start to believe that there was nothing out there to fear. But then he would have to leave, maybe before the sun is fully risen in the sky and he must stand alone again, be his own person instead of Jess’s person.

_Why am I not freakin’ out here? Shit. I don’t ever want to move._

She fought with all her might but Jess could not manage to hold in a small cough and had no choice but to let him know she was awake. He instantly felt as though she would want to move away but when he tried to release her from his arms, she held onto him, sliding the hand on his chest over his torso and clinging to him.

“No. Just…A little while longer.” She whispered. “Please”

_Maybe I shouldn’t be assuming so much. This girl is full of surprises._

More than happy to stay put, Daryl accepted that it was what he wanted. He wanted to be able to do this with her every night. He wanted to be the person she trusted and felt safe with and ran to. He wanted to be able to hold her and kiss her and soothe her.

After her restful sleep, disturbed by only the beginning of a nightmare before it filtered out to nothing, Jess slowly rolled over, trapping his arm beneath her neck, stretching her muscles and cracking her back. He tried to look away, to give her the same privacy as he did before, but she was mesmerizing. He noted the fading bruises on her thighs, fading to a green. Apparently not picking up on his admiration of her, Jess sat up with messy hair and sleepy eyes and took his hand, turning it over and leaving a delicate kiss on his skin which felt like tiny sparks of electricity flitting through his entire arm.

“Thank you.” She whispered before shuffling off the bed and leaving him there, stunned and unable to stop smiling to himself.

* * *

At the vegetable patch, Jess caught Aaron as he took a break from digging in the heat and shared her bottle of water with him. She’d arrived back from her Walker clearing duties and re-filled it in the pantry, along with filling her backpack with her weekly rations of canned and dried goods. Her head was stuffy, filled with too many thoughts and weighted with tiredness. She’d woken twice during every night since, nightmares plaguing her and bringing with them terror, cold sweats and a reluctance to sleep at all. Every night except the night she'd slept on Daryl's chest. 

Aaron, having been worried about Jess since the attack but unable to speak to her properly, was finally grateful to get a moment alone with her, which was something she’d avoided very openly. When he confronted her and asked why she’d pretended as if he didn’t exist, she admitted that she was having difficulty processing what had happened. That the events of that night were still all too fresh in her mind and that she didn’t quite feel like herself yet. He accepted it with more understanding than she'd thought and also thanked her from the bottom of his heart for saving his life that day. 

After giving him just enough information to placate his questioning, she informed him that she didn’t need to keep talking about it. In fact, she would rather not and expressed that she just needed time and patience to be able to move past it. However, there was one thing she wanted to run by him and there was no one else that she ever would have imagined telling other than Aaron. She swore him to secrecy, once again threatening to destroy his collection of license plates from across the states.

Aaron quickly swiped the back of his glove across his sweaty brow and got comfortable on the wall where they perched, passing the bottle back and forth between them. Jess tapped on the outside of the plastic with one fingernail while she tried to find the right words to convey exactly what had happened between her and Daryl that night.

“When he saved me, in the house. I think I had some kind of breakdown. I was terrified. I was crying, and then…then I was laughing.” She said with a confused snort of entertainment. Hearing it said out loud made it even harder to decipher. She handed him the bottle and he took a large gulp. “I couldn’t control it and it was because…I was alive. I was alive because of Daryl. I-I didn’t think, Aaron. I just…I kissed him.”

A choking sound spluttered from beside her and she turned her head to see Aaron coughing and staring at her in shock. He wiped his lips and blinked at her for a moment before clearing his throat and shuffling closer on the wall.

“Uh, you did _what_?” he asked.

Jess glanced around at the other workers. She could see Eric through the green bean trellis, his eyebrow knitted together at the thought of Jess and Aaron sharing gossip without him. At the other end of the patch, Carol and Carl were picking fruits with Judith, who Jess could hear singing to herself without a care in the world. As she picked raspberries, she ate them intermittently; one for the pot, one for Judith and so on. Unbeknownst to Jess and Aaron, Daryl was smoking against the partition wall in front of the gate, at the back of the brick built one they were sitting on. It was the waiting area for those gearing up to leave for supply runs. Having heard his name mentioned, he edged closer to find he could hear every single word of their conversation. He smirked to himself, took a drag on his smoke and leaned back, enjoying the show.

“I kissed him. I made a huge mistake.” Jess reiterated in a low voice

“Why do you think it was a mistake?” Aaron questioned.

She closed her eyes and felt dread course through her body when she remembered how her lips connected with Daryl’s and how he’d stood there like a statue, shocked and baffled by her behavior.

“Because he doesn’t want that from me. He didn’t kiss me back. In fact, he froze up and I just… I just ran.” She relayed.

Aaron remembered watching her flee from the house as though the devil was chasing her and Eric wanting to go after her. Maybe if he’d let him, he’d have been told about Jess’s rogue kiss sooner. But the look on her face and the desperation with which she left the town, like she was nothing but a fleeting shadow, told him that she wouldn’t be sitting next to him and confessing with her sanity somewhat intact if she’d been made to admit everything at the time.

“I see.” He sighed “So, what’s going on with you two now?”

She’d never been more confused in her life about the dynamics of her relationship with another person. This was a first and Jess couldn’t honesty put her finger on what exactly was happening between them, if there was anything.

“I mean, I still think he’s amazing and super-hot and we hug now, we-we do that. And hand holding. We do that now too. We also…snuggled” She confessed shyly.

“You _snuggled?!”_ Aaron gasped, a little louder than Jess was comfortable with. She held her hand out flat in front of him, lowering it to signal that he should take more care over the volume of his voice.

“Yes. I have these bad dreams. He was taking care of me. It was the most blissful thing I’ve ever experienced and I can probably die happy now. I don’t know what it meant though. Do you? What does it mean?” She questioned in a panic.

Aaron could only shake his head as if there was too much going on, he was staring at her in disbelief at how she couldn’t possibly see what was so obvious to him.

“Kiss him again.” He instructed, ignoring her previous questions and getting straight to the point.

“What?! And prolong this torture?! No!” She growled at him quietly.

“You caught him off guard” he explained “ Kiss him again and he’ll kiss you back. I know he will. I just know it.”

Jess wasn’t convinced, in fact, the whole idea was absurd to her and it also carried far too much risk. She considered herself lucky that Daryl was even still speaking to her, the last thing she wanted to do was send him running for the hills after giving him another unwanted kiss.

“You don’t know that. Stop getting all excited, I’m not kissing him again.” She dismissed. “There’s no point. No matter how much I like him, he doesn’t like me in the same way.”

“Oh, you’re so wrong” Aaron laughed as he handed her the bottle back with a thud against her arm. She snatched it away from him and narrowed her gaze.

“You’re supposed to be helping me through this minefield, not making it worse!” She told him. Her vision lifted to see Daryl appear at the corner having come from the gate and she momentarily stilled with sheer terror at the thought of him having heard their conversation. But he looked like he’d just arrived and seemed relaxed enough and so, she clung onto that tiny shred of hope.

“Aaaanndd that’s how I think Vision or Dr strange could probably fix all this” she lied with her eyebrows high at Aaron, who slowly started to nod when he noted Daryl’s presence.

“Yes. Yes! Absolutely. I think you’re right.” He commented, adding to Jess’s thin and pointless untruth.

* * *

That day Jess was restless and after having heard the one thing he’d been longing to hear for so long, so was Daryl. Finally, he had confirmation that she did, in fact, like him as more than a friend and it had become a struggle for him to go about his day without a smile on his face, which he knew everyone and their uncle would soon notice due to it being so far removed from how he usually conducted himself.

Jess found herself in the armory after offering to take over for a couple of hours, it was an unusual task for her but one that kept her busy and away from Daryl, who she couldn’t stop staring at as he cleaned his bike on the Drive of the Grimes home. Her job was simple, to count all the guns and ammo and report any discrepancies. Rick was already out and there were no other runs scheduled that day so she figured she would be done before midday and could spend the rest of the morning at the fairground until it was time for training. Which had been pushed back to the late afternoon to avoid anyone getting sunstroke from the heat.

Cleaning his bike was not a pointless task, he was preparing for a recruiting run which, to his delight meant he had to visit the armory to check out a gun. He wasn’t sure that he liked the giddy, happy feeling that was dwelling in his chest and stomach, was this how teenagers felt when they developed a crush for the first time? Still, he couldn’t help it and it was so strong he found that he couldn't concentrate on little else as he polished the same spot on the tank of his bike over and over again. His next course of action was a mystery to him, finding out such information was not common in Daryl’s world. In fact, it was unheard of and he was now in new territory and faced with two options; forget he’d heard what Jess had said and do nothing in the knowledge that she had no designs on kissing him again. Or, make a move. The latter was terrifying to him, but it was also the one thing he wanted more than anything, the chance to be with Jess in the way they both seemed to want. But, there was something stopping him; his belief that despite how much he cared for her, Jess deserved better than he could ever offer.

The armory was quiet as Jess worked her way through the neatly written checklists of guns and ammo. Shelf by shelf she ticked them off, checking their condition and cleaning the shelves and racking. It was a job normally performed by Olivia, who also oversaw the rationing of food from the pantry. She had been more than happy to hand over the reins when Jess turned up looking for a job that would take her away from other human beings for a while. She hummed a gentle tune to herself as she worked, coming to the end of a row and planting herself in Olivia's dilapidated swivel chair. She signed the paperwork off and held her breath when Daryl wandered into the room, nudged his head up at her and began picking through the guns.

“Take what you want but just tell me what you’re taking so I can cross it off.” She told him without looking up from the list. She flipped the page and began to scan through the names of the ammunition that was kept in a closet at the end of the room. It was silent in the armory, so much so, that she felt the need to raise her gaze and check on Daryl. She peered at him over the top of the clipboard. He was smirking at her.

“What?” She asked uneasily.

“Nothin’.” He replied, picking up a gun and sucking both lips into his mouth to disguise the strong smile that was forming.

Jess wasn’t convinced, something was amiss and she could feel it in her gut. Something had changed and there was a clear difference in how Daryl was acting.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she demanded as she stood up and lowered the clipboard to her side.

“I ain’t lookin’ atcha like nothin’.” He said, his lips now curling at the sides and his eyes lighting up.

“You keep smiling at me.” She pointed out.

_Shit. Can’t fuckin’ help it, girl._

“Maybe I’m just havin’ a good day.” He reasoned.

Jess dropped the clipboard onto the chair and slowly moved closer to him, growing more and more suspicious with each step. It briefly crossed her mind that he may have heard her conversation with Aaron earlier on, but it was unlikely, they’d both been careful to keep their voices down and when Daryl had stepped into view, he’d given away no signs that he’d heard a thing and such subject matter was bound to provoke some kind of reaction. No, this was strange, it had to be something else and she wasn’t done questioning him.

“This is weird. You’re weird. You’re never having a good day and you sure as hell never smile this much. What is wrong with you?” She pressed, narrowing her gaze at him and finding it difficult not to copy his amused expression.

“I told ya, nothin’. Smilin’ ain’t no crime, Jess.” He answered with a small laugh, holding up the gun he’d chosen. She picked up the clipboard again and crossed it off, watching him carefully as he sauntered to the ammo room and plucked a box from the shelf.

She stopped talking but still glared intermittently at him. He continued to smirk at her and nibble his lower lip as he loaded the gun and made his way to the door. Leaning on the frame before he left, he lingered and toyed with the idea of taking her out with him. At least he would get to be close to her, knowing what he knew, no matter how inexplicable it was that she liked him.

“Goin lookin’ for people. You could come with” He suggested.

“No. I’m going home once I’m done here. Be careful out there” she murmured as she scanned the names on the page, ticking off the items Daryl had selected and marking them as ‘checked out’ with Daryl’s initials at the side.

“You feel better?” he questioned

Then, she met his eye and the very real memory of her curled up in his arms flashed through her head. She did feel better, as if he’d been some kind of medicine to her and fought off the nightmares with his presence alone.

“Yeah. Much better. Thank you.” She said.

“You know I can be there with ya anytime, right? Just gotta say” He reminded her in the hope that she would take him up on it once more. She presented him with a small smile and nod before she sat down again and bit down on the end of her pencil.

“Jess” he rasped.

“Mm?” She hummed, still fixated on the page in her lap. He’d lost her attention and admitted defeat.

_You kissed me and it’s driving me crazy_

“Nothin’. See ya around.”

* * *

Recruiting was useless when there was so much hanging over him, yet he persevered, trudging through humid fields and tracking what turned out to be nothing but Walkers. The grass was dry and crackled under his boots when he crossed through open land to check wooded areas for signs of camps or discarded food containers. But he found nothing, only the restless cycling of his mind and the nervousness in his hands as he tried to roll a smoke. Loath to continue on as he was, he decided that he had to say something. He was sure that he had little to nothing to offer her past the friendship he’d already provided, but if it meant things were clearer and he was surer about where he stood, it was worth the discomfort of asking about the kiss yet again.

Arriving back at Alexandria as the sun was going down, he dismounted his bike and took in the pleasant orange glow that illuminated the town. Dusk always seemed to be picturesque since the end of the world, or maybe he just never appreciated it before. He was always following Merle, treading in his footsteps, being the run around, ducking from the cops and wasting his time in bars or laying on the couch as high as a kite. Now, he could enjoy the things he missed from before, like the sunset, the sunrise, the gentle sway of the leaves in the woods when he was in the tower and the blue-eyed, dark-haired nerd that grabbed his sanity and ran away with it at a quarry one day.

Jess was sitting by the pond, fiddling with the straps on her fingerless gloves and adjusting her bracers. She’d removed them to take part in close combat training, a lesson which she was finding to be beneficial not only in skills, but as a distraction from the traumatized state of mind she drifted around in. Daryl sat beside her and for what ended up being a number of minutes, neither of them spoke. He leaned back on the bench, stretching his legs and resting one ankle over the other. Wishing there was some kind of rule book he could follow that would talk him through how to approach such tedious subjects, he sighed loudly, drawing Jess’s attention.

“Find any signs of life today?” She questioned while pondering where his smug and smiley attitude from just hours before had disappeared to.

“Nah. Waste of time.” He grumbled.

“Training went well this afternoon.” She told him “Thanks for the fight the other day. I think I needed the perspective. Y’know, measure what I was capable of before so I had a starting point.”

“No problem. Didn’t do nothin’ Abraham wouldn’t have done.” He snipped. Jess chose to ignore the dig at her friend, putting it down to his ever-growing jealousy and the denial with which he tried to hide it. Confronting him about it would only end badly.

“Yeah, right. Abraham is a great teacher, but extra-curricular lessons with him would be a little too much.” She mused with a small huff “He’d probably have me in tears or smoking cigars-”

“-why’d you kiss me?” Daryl asked, forcing the question out and turning slightly to face her. She was statue still with wide eyes and her mouth hanging open from being interrupted. Daryl’s heart began to hammer in his chest and he considered that maybe he should have just ignored what he’d heard, that way, nothing had to change.

“W-what?” She stammered.

“Don’t say ya didn’t, cause ya did.” He warned carelessly. Words were tumbling from his lips without him thinking about them at all as impulse took over “I know I asked before but ya shot me down without a real answer n’ I’m sorry…but I need to know, Jess.”

Very slowly, her mouth closed and she licked her bottom lip, turning her body to face the pond and scanning the dimly lit floor beneath her boots. She could tell him the truth; that she was in love with him and that’s why she kissed him. Or, she could protect their friendship and go with the more painful half-truth, that she was overwhelmed and couldn’t control her actions. What she really wanted to do to escape the pressure, was say very little. Just enough to satisfy his questioning.

“I…I don’t know.” She croaked.

He nodded once and leaned forwards, rubbing his face with both of his hands. Why did this have to be so complicated? So far, he’d not progressed any further than he had when he first sat down. Why didn’t she know? Dissatisfied with her answer, he released a quiet, frustrated growl that told her in no uncertain terms that he was not happy.

_She’s never going to tell me, is she? She told Aaron, but she won’t tell me…?_

“I’m sorry.” She whispered. “I didn’t mean to confuse everything. I don’t know what I was thinking”

“Mm. Wish I did.” He admitted with no regard for how irritated he sounded.

Sensing that she’d touched a nerve and bothered him with her inexplicable actions and dislike for deliberating the subject, she was well aware that any further attempts to make things right could end in a fight or, worse still, the end of their friendship. Unbearable guilt festered in the pit of her stomach and while she’d dreamed of kissing him a thousand times over, she would take it back in a heartbeat if she could.

“I should get back. It’s late. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She sighed, rising from the bench and pacing away from the pond. Before Daryl could think of something to stop her, she was already through the gate. Anger began to spike in his veins. All he wanted was a straight answer, so he could tell her that he liked her too, but she was better off with someone who had more to offer. But now, their friendship was left in choppy waters and sinking fast. He sprang up from the bench and stormed after her.

Jess clicked on the battery-operated light that hung above the lock for the gate to the Fairground and released the mechanism. She’d practically sprinted all the way back, literally trying to run away from her problems without stopping once on the journey. Now, she took a moment to pause and rested her forehead against the cold metal of the fence post. She let out a long sigh, hoping it would regulate the nerves and sadness in her heart. She hated that she’d angered him, hated that she’d confused him and put him in a position where he was forced to question her bizarre actions twice.

Aaron was wrong, she was sure of that. There wasn’t a chance in hell that he’d want her to kiss him again and so, she resigned herself to trying to repair the damage done by acting as if nothing had changed. It would be hard and it would hurt like hell. But it had to be done because having Daryl as a friend was better than not having Daryl at all.

A rustle from behind her had her gripping the gate post, ready to haul it open when she saw the blurred reflection of a figure behind her in the metal. Just about able to make out something on the figures right shoulder, the penny dropped and she relaxed.

“Step to the left and you’ll lose your leg to a bear trap, clubfoot.” She quipped.

It was Daryl and the shape at his shoulder was his crossbow. Obviously forgetting his stealth skills, he’d charged through the woods in pursuit of her and given hardly any thought to what he would say when he caught up. Overthinking things hadn’t done him any favors before so, he went with his instincts.

“So fuckin smug, aint ya?” He scoffed with a side step to the right, away from the trap she’d mentioned.

Assuming his presence was down to his concern about her sleepless nights and bad dreams again, she moved to face him and leaned back against the gate.

“You don’t have to stay. I’ll be fine.” She said softly.

“That aint why I’m here.” He stated.

Dread reached every limb in her body and she was sure she could even feel it in her toes. Had he really turned up there for a full-blown argument?!

“Then why are you here?” She questioned with a shaky voice and a hand tapping at her thigh. His eyes clocked her nervous ritual, one she’d had since the quarry and he worried that he was unsettling her a little too much. It wasn’t his aim but he needed to get to the bottom of exactly what was going on between them.

“It gonna happen again?” he asked. Halfway through his sentence, his voice cracked and Jess swallowed hard. All of a sudden, it became clear why he was there and what he was referring to. He wasn’t done discussing that kiss.

“Please, Daryl” Her eyes began to moisten and she huffed out a jagged breath “We have been over this. Can we just forget about that?”

_I can’t forget about it. You kissed me and you like me and I have no idea why. But you are everything to me and it’s making me crazy. I can’t concentrate on shit; it’s messed my day up in the best way. I aint no good for you but you are all I think about and I think you need to know that._

“Can’t.” was the only word that croaked from his mouth.

“Well… try.” She pleaded with a slight stomp of one foot like a child having a tantrum.

“I have” he mumbled

“Oh, for god sakes.” She complained. Then, the floodgate opened and every thought she had on the subject seemed to pour out uncontrollably and once she started, she couldn’t find the strength to stop. “I was just overwhelmed, OK? I made a stupid split-second decision and it was wrong. I didn’t even know what I was doing until I was doing it and I’m sorry, you didn’t want it and I’d rather we just forgot about it instead of you making me re-live the humiliation like this. It’s like ‘Journal-reading 2.0’. It’s not fair, I would have thought it was obvious-“

“Jess?” he tried to cut in.

“-That I don’t want to talk about it because it could screw up our friendship and even though I think you’re a…damn _fine_ looking man and you’re just amazing I don’t want you looking at me like I’m some kind of hussy or like I’m going to throw myself at you because really, it was just a one off and I was so happy to be alive. You saved me and I just got carried away with that, it’s not going to-“

“Jess?”

“-Happen again. I’ll make sure of that. I mean, I can admire from a far and you could just be a gentleman about it and not bring it up anymore. I hope I’ve answered your question and you’re going to stop being mad at m-”

He kissed her and the world fell away. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. His hand rested below her ear, his thumb caressing her cheek as their breaths mingled and his tongue brushed the crease of her lips. She ran her fingers down the lapels of his leather vest, pulling him closer until there was no space left between them and she could feel the beating of his heart against her chest. Although startled, her head filled with air like she was floating when she kissed him back. His kiss was deliberate and with just enough pressure to tell her that he really did want to do it but didn’t want to scare her.

It was the first time Daryl had kissed anyone in years and as he sensed her relax in his grasp, it occurred to him that he had never kissed anyone because he actually _wanted_ to, until that fateful, memorable moment and it felt incredible, especially when he heard her whimper against him. Her knees were so weak she thought she might crumple but he was pushing her against the fence and her mind fell into a blissful, blank state where nothing mattered anymore. There were no Walkers, no death, no apocalypse. There was only her and Daryl and the fact that _he_ had kissed _her._ Making it more than just a simple locking of lips, it was deep and filled with so much that neither of them could figure out how to say to each other.

When they broke apart for air, he rested his forehead against hers and gathered some much-needed oxygen. His blink and you’d miss it smirk told her everything she wished for, for so long and she could only stare at him, sinking into his hold.

“Just shut up.” He uttered.

Then, the smallest of laughs was exchanged between them and they finally made eye contact which proved to him that she was just as nervous as he was. She still stared up at him with a sparkle in her eyes that he had put there and her lips were slightly pink from the kiss. Daryl stepped back, breaking contact with her and dropping his hand. He could see her trying to speak, her mouth opening and closing again but all words would fail her and there simply was no point. She was rendered totally speechless and her knees were still weak and wobbly.

“Hey” He whispered, managing to gain her full attention for a second. “This ain’t over”.

With that, he backed up, taking care not to step on the bear trap and Jess could only watch as his shadowy figure vanished into the trees, leaving her astounded and undeniably happier than she’d been in a long, long time.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello! UPDATE TIME and isn't it nice to see some actual PROGRESS?! ;)   
> Thank you so much to everyone who interacts and lets us know what you think! <3

Daryl was rarely around long enough in the house to be roped into chores but when Carol was on a mission there was little he could do to escape. She’d throw him an unimpressed expression that told of dire consequences should he take another step towards the door. He knew better than to argue with Carol, she always had a way of talking him around and more often than not, he admired her headstrong and determined attitude.

The task in question on this occasion was the dishes, having piled up from breakfast and he’d tried to beat a hasty retreat, hot on the heels on Rick and Michonne as they raced for the front door. But her voice saying his name in the stern manner she used when he was in trouble split through the air and halted him in his tracks. He turned just in time to catch a dish towel that was flying through the air and to see her motion towards the huge pile of dripping dishes on the drainer. He sighed, not bothering to hide the fact that he’d rather be doing anything else than household chores and started picking up bowls and drying them.

“How is Jess?” Carol asked casually while flitting around the kitchen and screwing the lids back on jars at the kitchen island.

His suspicions spiked straight away. It wasn’t as if he’d forgotten about the fact that he’d kissed Jess. That he’d kissed her and she’d kissed him back. That she seemed happy about it and so was he and he’d lay awake during the small hours thinking about how it was the best kiss of his life. But how could Carol know about that? Why was she asking about Jess all of a sudden? Why did she assume he knew about Jess’s current state? Paranoia consumed him as he cleared his throat and attempted to keep his answer flippant and breezy.

“She’s alright. Why?” He grunted.

She carried three coffee cups to the sink, turned the faucet on and rinsed them out. Steam from the hot water that no one now took for granted swirled up into the air and she made quick work of using such a precious commodity.

“That attack. The way she ran afterwards. The dark circles under her eyes.” She explained as she passed him the first cup to dry. “I’m concerned about her.”

“She’s fine.” He reiterated quickly, almost cutting her off.

“She’s skittish too.” She continued, very deliberately opting to bombard him with conversation on the topic. “I don’t think I’ve seen her settle into a task for a while. She doesn’t stay here long. Why is that?”

He dropped his hands, a coffee mug wrapped in the dish towel and glared at her. Now visibly irritated, his veil of indifference was thinning considerably and he found himself becoming uncontrollably and increasingly shifty.

“Why you even askin’ me? I aint her damn keeper.” He snapped.

“No, but you are her person.” Carol pointed out. She shut off the water and balanced the remaining two coffee cups on the drainer.

“Person? What are you talkin’ ‘bout?” He questioned, confused by the term she’d used and what it meant. The timing of the conversation was still causing him concern and he was starting to wonder if anyone had seen them at the gate of the fairground the night before.

“You’re the one she trusts. Has she said anything to you?” She wanted to know.

“No, alright?!” He retorted “Why the hell d’ya think I know so much about her?! What’s with the interrogation? Shit.”

Daryl didn’t normally lie but it was a small mistruth to placate her and stop her from firing questions at him. Hoping she would change the subject or even better, cease talking altogether, he continued to dry the cups and thudded them on the counter with more force than was necessary.

“OK” Carol hushed with a small and telling smile. “OK.”

Guidance on the complex and treacherous issue that was the relationship between Jess and Daryl was something he couldn’t deny he needed, but he was not about to broadcast his feelings to the world and run around asking everyone for advice. If there was one person he could confide in, it was Carol, but the timing was off and he was still reeling from his actions the previous night when he seemed to experience a surge of pure courage and a personality transplant from absolutely nowhere which led him to commit an act that was so out of character, so unheard of that he shocked himself as well as Jess. He needed to process it, to figure out what it meant and being a private person, he wanted to keep it very much under wraps. It wasn’t as if Carol had never referenced there being something more to his fondness of Jess, he’d even admitted as much and as far as he could tell, she’d not breathed a word to a soul. The more he thought about it, the more guilt he felt for being so snappy and argumentative and therefore, decided to give her something to satisfy her curiosity.

“Look, she’s just havin’ a hard time sleepin’. I’m keepin’ an eye on her though.” He admitted.

“Good. She must talk to Denise if it’s anything more than that.” She advised.

“I know. I know that. I can take care of her.” He felt the need to point out.

Taking care of a friend, something he’d not had to deal with in his life due to his friendship group being incredibly small, was made all the more complicated by that friend being someone he’d crossed a line with, someone he’d discovered had feelings for him and someone he’d kissed. For a long time, all he’d wanted to do was take care of her and saying it aloud almost made him smile, but he hid it behind his stoic mask.

“So, you admit, you are her person.” Carol smirked at him as she leaned on the counter and took the dish towel from his hands.

“Whatever.” He shook his head before turning to walk away from her.

“Have you kissed her yet?” She asked out of the blue.

Daryl stopped and held his breath before it dawned on him how guilty it made him look. He sighed once more and closed his eyes momentarily. “What the hell?” he whispered to himself. Glancing over his shoulder, he noticed her grinning back at him. “Leave it alone, Carol.”

Her wide smile only grew larger when she saw a glimmer of shyness in him, the kind of shyness that a person shows when they have a precious secret that they want to keep to themselves, but also want to announce from the rooftops because it fills them with excitement and glee. He’d not said yes or no and so, she knew, she didn’t have to press him any further. Not yet, anyway.

* * *

Jess was exhausted. But this time, it wasn’t a result of nightmares. It was because every time she closed her eyes, her thoughts wandered to Daryl and how he’d made a move on her and kissed her. In her wildest dreams she imagined scenarios in which it would happen, each one feeling more unlikely than the last, like it would never materialise in reality and she only dared to entertain such ideas. Then, he put his hands on her face and brought his lips to hers and her world changed in a split second. She’d tossed and turned, sat up, got a drink and tried to write it all down in her journal but only got as far as three words before her head started spinning again and she failed to fight yet another beaming grin.

_‘Daryl kissed me.’_

But underneath it all was the creeping doubt that it had all been a mistake, that he would admit he didn’t mean it and that it wasn’t going to happen again. She wasn’t the girl that got kissed or was wanted by men like Daryl. Or, by anyone that she could recall. The idea that her feelings may be reciprocated for once in her life was too far fetched for her to pin too much hope on. But she had a nice memory nevertheless and no matter what happened, she would always remember that Daryl Dixon had kissed her and not only did it make her weak in the best of ways, it gave her perspective. Now Daryl had shown her, after such a horrifying experience at the hands of disgustingly eager strangers, that tenderness and desire from the right person could do wonders to help her move forward. 

Following a short visit to Deanna’s house, Jess wandered slowly towards the gate holding her bow in her hands and squinting at the splintering wood at the ends. It was wearing away and soon, she would need a new one. The weather, being immersed in water while hiding in the stream with Daryl and continuous use had taken its toll and she accepted that sooner rather than later, she would need to try and replace it. She picked at the wood with her fingertips, discarding the sharp bits as she walked, until she came to an abrupt stop in front of a battered pair of boots. Slowly, she raised her gaze to find Daryl standing inches from her.

“Uh, hi” She uttered. Her nerves lit up and her whole body was rapidly engulfed with a shaky sensation. Her voice was nothing more than a whisper and she quickly noted that she must have appeared totally terrified. She swallowed hard and pulled herself together.

_He looks gorgeous. How dare he._

“Hey” He said in his usual raspy tone. If he felt anywhere near as uneasy as she did, he wasn’t showing it. Jess tried not to panic but having never dealt with such a long awaited and much coveted situation before, she had no idea how to proceed. Her mouth opened and closed again and Daryl just watched at her blankly as she gawped at him with her bow gripped so tightly in her hands that her knuckles were turning white.

_Say something. Oh my god! SAY SOMETHING, JESS!_

“Nice weather today. Better than yesterday. Was...too hot. Way too hot.” She blurted out. The words tumbled from her lips, laced with regret and embarrassment. She didn’t know what she was supposed to say or how she was supposed to act and she was self-aware enough to know that if she let her instincts take over, she would end up babbling about the weather for hours or running away like a scared animal.

_The weather. Smooth, Jess._

“Yeah real nice.” He replied. He pushed his lips into a thin line and nodded subtly at her and with that small gesture, came her first clue that he was a little unsettled after all.

“Are you… are you OK?” She tried, not sure exactly what she meant but going with it anyway.

“Yeah” He answered as he quickly looked over his shoulder towards the Grime’s house. “M’fine. You?”

“Mmhmm” She hummed. It was high-pitched and she almost ran at how gawky and inelegant she was presenting as.

“You sleep?” He asked.

“Uh, N-No. At least it wasn’t because of the nightmares this time.” She paused, shocked at her intense and sudden need to address the issue hanging over their heads. She figured it didn’t have to be a huge conversation, she just needed to know where she stood and it would mean she could go about the rest of her day without feeling terrified of looking him in the eye. “Look, about last night-”

“-Don’t” he warned

“Don’t what?” She asked in surprise at how quickly he’d stepped in to put a stop to her touching on the subject.

“Just…don’t.” He repeated.

Jess was baffled, did he really expect her to be able to just carry on with her life without some kind of explanation or clue as to what such a lingering and passionate kiss did or didn’t mean to him? He wasn’t a great talker with anyone else, but with her he was different. He told her things that he didn’t tell anyone else. She was sure he trusted her, so the flat denial when she tried to address the issue was hopelessly confusing to her. She knew better than to ignore him and keep talking, but she wasn’t about to let him get away with saying nothing. The man she loved had kissed her and initiated it, she needed a snippet, just something to go on before her mind went into overdrive and she involuntarily began to prepare for some kind of eventual speech in which he would say that he didn’t mean to kiss her and that he didn’t like her like that. Or, would he? She hoped she wouldn’t have to deal with the agonizing disappointment of a one-time thing.

“Will you just answer me one question? Please?” She pleaded.

He carefully studied her face, his vision skimming down to her lips. The same lips he’d kissed so eagerly the night before. Time passed as he focused on them but he didn’t care, he loved how he’d managed to silence her and make her giggle and smile. He loved the way she clung to him and the small whimper that escaped her, making him wonder how he’d even managed to instill such a good feeling in another person. He had the mind to kiss her again there and then if the town wasn’t full of curious eyes and gossip addicted ears. He also hadn’t thought about what would happen now and every time he tried, he came to the same conclusion; that Jess could do a lot better and shouldn’t be wasting her time on him.

“Was it… a mistake?” Her voice was low and her tone laden with trepidation, as if she was about to hear something she really wasn’t going to like. Daryl wanted to grab her and shake her for not being able to see what he did when he looked at her and he hated that she seemed to be assuming that he regretted his actions. He didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t know how. But she did deserve an answer to her question. He stepped closer to her with his head dipped and one hand resting on the handle of his knife at his belt. He checked the street over her shoulders before shifting his gaze and looking her in the eye through his messy hair.

“No” he whispered.

Her eyebrows shot up and her mouth fell open. He was right, it wasn’t what she was expecting at all and he thought, for a split second that he saw a brief flicker of fear cross her features. Jess’s head quickly filled up with more questions, more reasons to push him to just tell her what he wanted, what it all meant from his point of view. But it worked both ways, if Daryl was expected to disclose such information, then so was she and she would then be forced to admit her true feelings for him ran a lot deeper than that of a small crush. Still, she was gobsmacked. Rendered almost speechless from his tiny, one-word, hushed answer. He wasn’t lying and she knew it. He wouldn’t lie to her, especially not while looking her square in the eyes. No, it had to be something else; maybe he’d lost his grasp on sanity and finally succumbed to the horrendous things he’d seen and done to survive at the end of the world. Maybe he wasn’t in his right mind and some kind of head injury had affected his judgement. She had no idea, but there had to be some kind of explanation as to why Daryl had kissed her because, in her opinion, the chances of him feeling the same way about her were slim to none.

“Oh.” She uttered, pinning her lower lip under her teeth. “Okay.”

_I should ask him what he meant when he said it wasn’t over. But that’s two questions and I only asked for one. Can I just ask two? Is that how this works? God dammit!_

Then, she saw the corner of his mouth curl up into a subtle and devastatingly sexy smile and she dragged in a deep breath. Other than that, she couldn’t move, couldn’t speak and could just about blink. Her mind emptied of thoughts. She could have stood there for hours just looking at him smile at her like that. The shy way his eyes flickered around before falling back to hers stirred butterflies in her stomach. She would have given anything to have the means to snap a photo of him in that moment.

Daryl couldn’t believe what he was seeing. She was immobile and gazing up at him like he’d grown an extra head. Her eyes were wide and her mouth hung open. He thought it to be adorable and couldn’t help but smile at her when he pondered that she really was shocked by what was happening. Unexpectedly, he felt as though he had a certain amount of control despite not having a single clue what he was doing. He’d managed to swerve a conversation he couldn’t yet have without making her angry and he’d also managed to somehow get across that whatever was or wasn’t going to happen between them, he didn’t think kissing her was a mistake.

When she finally managed to speak, it sounded like her voice had all but vanished. “This is awkward. I don’t want it to be awkward.” She expressed quietly.

Still smiling, Daryl began to back up while still keeping her eyes locked with his. He briefly scratched at the back of his neck and shifted the crossbow strap on his shoulder.

“Don’t make it awkward then.” He smirked before turning and walking towards the gate. Rooted to the spot, Jess stayed where she was, reeling and trying to understand when everything shifted and why Daryl was so casual about it all instead of reacting with revulsion and terror. Having lost control of her feelings, her facial expressions and apparently, her very mind, Jess headed over to Aaron and Eric’s place.

* * *

She didn’t intend to spend more than an hour or so visiting Aaron and Eric, but their couch happened to be so comfortable and her bones were so heavy with fatigue that she was soon fast asleep with her face shoved into her screwed up jacket. Eric covered her with a blanket and left her to it while Aaron explained to him that the attack was having lasting consequences for her, namely that she was finding it hard to relax and sleep.

After two hours of nightmare-free sleep, Jess awoke and blinked the slumber from her eyes. For a second, she forgot where she was and instinctively went to grab for her knife until she recognized the room and thumped her head back on her jacket. The absence of a nightmare didn’t mean the absence of a dream and she closed her eyes and willed herself back to sleep so she could slip, effortlessly back into the world inside her subconscious that meant she and Daryl were alone in the apartment she had before the turn, entwined on the couch as cars beeped and revved their engines in the traffic below. The turn hadn’t happened and Jess was curled against his body, reading a book on her side while he spooned her from behind and snoozed peacefully with a hand rested on her bare thigh below her shorts. The windows were open and a breeze billowed against the drapes, a breeze that brought with it the smell of summer and the rustling of bright green leaves in the trees below. On the nightstand were cups of steaming coffee that had been put off in favor of ten more minutes of just being still and together. It was the perfect picture; Daryl’s vest hung on the back of a chair in the kitchen, a dragon door knocker on the front door chosen by Jess and on the coffee table were the keys for his bike and a pack of cigarettes. His hair was messy from the pillow and his face was totally relaxed when she gradually rolled over to look at him. She traced her fingertips along his exposed upper arm and he stirred, his eyes opening and his face breaking into a soft smile. He tried to speak but nothing came out, his brow furrowing at the lack of sound. Jess attempted to ask if he’d lost his voice but she too was noiseless. Both of them were unable to speak but after a few seconds, neither of them cared when he kissed her soft lips and she dragged him closer, flush with her body.

Slipping back into such a fantasy turned out to be nigh on impossible once she’d left it but her stomach still fluttered with the idea, with the wish that one day, something similar might happen now she had known the sensation of his kiss and his fingers holding onto the side of her face. Such a wish was a dangerous one so soon, but it was the price she had to pay for being in love with him. She groaned against her jacket and pushed up from the couch, her eyes immediately meeting Eric’s, who was sitting on an armchair reading opposite her. He made a comment about her being like a narcoleptic but assured her that their home was always open to her if she felt she could sleep better. She thanked him after half listening and rubbed at her eyes.

“Are you hungry? We’re about to have lunch” he asked.

She nodded silently and he got to his feet, taking her hand and hoisting her up from the couch. He beckoned her to follow him, the smell of something appealing wafted through her nose as she approached the kitchen. Then, she stopped at the door, unable to proceed any further. Her body language closed up and she solemnly lowered her head. When Eric enquired what was wrong, she mumbled to him that she couldn’t bring herself to go into the room. Aaron, who overheard from the kitchen table, didn’t need to be told what the issue was before he was racing towards the doorway and placing a hand on her shoulder in comfort. It was the first time she’d been near the room she was attacked in and everything was still a little too raw.

“It’s okay. We don’t have to stay in here.” He soothed “Eric? Why don’t we take everything outside and eat on the front porch?”

“Right. Of course. It’s a nice day, may as well.” He chirped back.

Jess, touched by their understanding and effort mouthed a noiseless ‘thank you’ to Aaron and retreated to the porch, where she noticed that Daryl had volunteered for guard duty on the gate. It was rare to see him on guard duty at all, let alone during the day and not in the tower and she thought it typical that after their kiss and her detailed dream, he was going to be standing there, right in her sight line as she ate lunch with her friends.

Cutlery clinked against plates and regular conversation was had between Aaron and Eric while Jess pushed her food around her plate and glared across the grass verge in front of the house at Daryl, who was leaning against the fencing at the top of the gate, smoking a cigarette and keeping a close eye on the road that lead to the town. He knew she was there and looked over at her occasionally, at once point playfully flipping her the bird which she quickly threw right back at him.

Aaron and Eric swapped a grin at Jess’s more than obvious vigil and Aaron cleared his throat loudly in order to capture her attention. Jess turned her head to see them both displaying wide smiles. It dawned on her that the whole time she’d been sat with them, she’d not only failed to utter a single word, she’d also not even looked at them. She huffed a huge sigh of annoyance and slammed her knife and fork down on the table, making them both flinch.

“Why’s he gotta do that? Why is he on guard today? Why pick today? He’s never on guard during the day.” she babbled.

“Why’s that a problem?” Eric asked.

As she spoke, she picked up her fork again and stabbed aggressively at the salad on her plate

_Stab_ “Why is that a problem?! _Why is that a problem, Eric?!_ Have you _seen_ him?" _Stab_ "Do you have _eyes_? He’s over there, minding his business..." _Stab "_ …and looking like a damn _snack._ Could have at least covered the arms up." _Stab_ "Lord above.”

Reaching the end of her sentence, she shoveled a huge forkful of food into her mouth. Chewing messily, she wound the piece of metal cutlery around in the air and sighed at the sight of Daryl, harmlessly standing on watch. Eric couldn’t help it, he burst out laughing with raised eyebrows at her blatant honesty and wiped his mouth with a napkin before dragging his chair closer to the table.

“Um, have I missed something here?” He enquired.

“Oh, yeah.” Aaron answered “ Jess is in love with Daryl” his tone was nonchalant and he barely even looked up, figuring that if Jess was willing to be so blatant about her thoughts then he was allowed to speak the truth. Jess paid it no mind and continued to stare at Daryl.

“Wait… what?!” Eric exclaimed, baffled by the fact that no one seemed to be making a big deal out of something that sounded very much like a big deal to him.

“Mmhmm” Jess hummed casually while shoving a carrot in her mouth on the end of her fork. “And it’s hell.”

Eric blinked at her and slowly looked to his side at Aaron, who was finishing up the last of his meal. He met his eye and received a careless shrug that signaled to him that if he wanted to know anything more, he should just ask.

“Well, I wasn’t expecting that. Has anything happened between you guys?” He wanted to know.

Somehow, she became even more still as a white lie formed in her mind. She peered down at her plate and sheepishly reached out for her drink without even looking up. She gulped water down and placed the glass back, aware that she’d taken a long time to answer.

“No”

She almost choked on her drink when she spat out the word. Something had very much happened but she didn’t want to betray Daryl’s trust by telling anyone and also didn’t want anyone to know anyway in case it all fell apart and she was left embarrassed and feeling like a fool.

Aaron, who picked up on the shifty way in which Jess replied to Eric, put his fork down and studied her expression.

“Did you do it? Did you kiss him again?”

Eric jolted and his head snapped to the side at Aaron before swinging back to Jess, who was looking extremely guilty.

“You kissed Daryl?!” He exclaimed.

“Yes. No. Yes. Ugh.” She complained. Her shoulder blades hit the backrest of the chair and she crossed her arms over her chest, irritated and defensive. “I don’t want to talk about it.” she snapped childishly while jutting her lower lip out.

“I’ll explain later.” Aaron assured Eric while Jess scowled over at Daryl, who by that point, had noticed her interest in him and turned his back in order to conceal a small laugh.

* * *

That night, Jess ventured to the pantry to stock up on the basics. She took her time, picking items from the shelf and arranging them neatly in a box held close to her body with one arm. It was a weekly routine, sometimes two weekly if she ate at Aaron and Eric’s and managed to make what she had at the fairground stretch. More often than not, she would take advantage of the soups and various meals some people would make in large quantities for the community as donations to the pantry. Such gestures would keep her fed for a couple of days without having to tap into her own supplies too much.

The vegetable patch at Alexandria was thriving and Jess had even helped herself to a few bulbs and cuttings for growing at her own home. She was attempting to grow bell peppers and tomatoes again, along with some choice herbs much like she did when she was staying in the city. So far, she was seeing results and as long as she devoted enough time and patience to them, it would be one less thing she needed from Alexandria.

When Daryl appeared in the pantry’s doorway, her heart jumped but outwardly, she was calm and collected, leaving her box on the opposite side of the room to the shelves and marking off what she’d taken on a sheet of paper attached to a clipboard for Olivia, who needed to dash home temporarily and left instructions as to what needed to be done paperwork wise.

He hovered around her, deliberately picking up things he didn’t need but Jess didn’t need to know that. Carol had provided him, involuntarily with a list of very specific items that she needed after he’d volunteered to visit the pantry when he saw Jess walking along the sidewalk with her box under her arm. He felt like an idiot. Like a middle schooler who had no idea what he was doing around the girl he liked. But the temptation proved to be too much and he wanted to see her, needed to see her even just for a few minutes and had snatched the list from Carol’s fingers quicker than he’d meant to.

Gathering what looked like a rather odd collection of canned goods to Jess, Daryl arranged them on the table beside her and it was when he chewed on his bottom lip that she figured he was trying to say something.

“Headin’ home?” He asked.

“Yup.” She chirped, keeping her voice a little higher than usual because she felt it made her seem a little more casual than she felt inside. “Been here all day. Getting kinda anxious.”

A full day spent at Alexandria was unusual in itself, let alone after such a brush with death and the horrible memories that remained when she looked at certain parts of the town. She sometimes cursed herself for not being able to just move on like everyone else. It was the end of days and people saw disturbing things all the time but Jess couldn’t understand why she found it more difficult than most to just carry on with surviving without being plagued by the attack.

“Need me to sleep with ya?” Daryl questioned.

The words that were said and the way those words were processed in Jess’s mind were very different altogether. So much so, that she could do nothing but stare at him for a few moments, a small blink being the only part of her that moved. Everything in her told her not to make a comment, to just answer the question, but she was trying to act normal to prove that his lips on hers had not been adding to her anxiety and heightened sense of unease.

“That’s one hell of an offer” she giggled nervously, hating herself for being unable to keep the dirty-minded statement in her head.

Daryl shifted his weight and cleared his throat before performing a split-second glance over his shoulder.

“One thing at a time, girl” He told her, a thin smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “C’mon, you know what I mean.”

Just like that, as if a spark went off inside her, her cheeks rushed with hot embarrassment and her eyes locked open as wide as they would go. She rapidly dropped her vision to the floor and now it was her turn to chew her lower lip and frantically try to gather her thoughts before she made the situation anymore difficult to deal with. She wasn’t a flirter but until then had figured she’d not done a terrible job. But it had been subtle and playful and the kind of flirting that went on between good friends. Or, was it? She was questioning everything since he’d kissed her. Every word, every move and every time he’d looked her in the eye. She wished she knew if it was something more than just a kiss to him, but wasn’t betting on finding out any time soon.

Daryl had to consciously try not grin at Jess’s extremely obvious blushing. Her ears and nose were even red and the notion that it had been because of him was strange to him but it didn’t come without a tremendous sense of accomplishment. He loved it when she blushed.

“Huh. Right. Um… no. I uh, I should be okay.” She mumbled to the floor as she wandered away from him and began to potter uselessly around the makeshift pantry. She pulled a piece of paper from her pants pocket and unfolded it, pretending to read it in great detail and using it as a shield before stuffing it noisily back into her pocket. Daryl observed her with interest when she gradually worked her way back to the table with a single can of tomatoes and placed it in her box. She picked up the clipboard, added a line to the tally by the item and left the inventory on the surface.

It wasn’t as if Daryl was confident with women. He found them baffling, sometimes downright weird and generally kept people behind a boundary, including the fairer sex. But Jess, he knew. He was used to her and after stepping over his own boundary, he knew her just a little bit more. For the first time in his life, he was sure he’d met someone that was as clueless about affairs of the heart as he was and having accepted long ago that it would never happen to him, the last thing he could have ever predicted was to find himself so drawn to a nervous nerd that saw him as so much more than a violent redneck. With Jess, he felt a confidence that he wasn’t aware was present in him but it only went so far and he was wary of pushing it for fear of scaring her. She was like a precious, nervous deer in the woodlands, one wrong move and she would bound off into the distance and he would lose her for good.

But he still had desires and one of those desires was to watch her pink cheeks and fidgeting hands, to watch how flustered she became around him all in the knowledge that she did actually like him the way he liked her. Now he had proof that he’d heard for himself, he was seeing a reaction from her that he’d not seen in any other women he’d encountered.

He leaned across her, inches from her face. The smell of leather lingered under her nose and she wanted to take a step back but she was rigid, her curiosity keeping her pinned where she was. Daryl collected the clipboard and braved lifting his gaze to hers. Blue eyes peered nervously back at him, surrounded by a soft pink glow that was growing more intense. He stopped moving and she could the delicate lines in the blue of his eyes.

“Why ya blushin’ so bad?” He whispered. A part of him was genuinely curious while another, more prominent part of him just wanted to admire how endearing she was when she was shy.

“Because you’re… an asshole that’s doing it on purpose.” She uttered. Her eyes were suddenly everywhere but on him, quickly darting about the room and trying to find something to focus on that wasn’t going to fuel her bashfulness.

_He knows what he’s doing and he’s enjoying it. He’s enjoying watching me squirm. What a bast-oh who am I kidding?! I’d squirm for him any day. If only I could figure out what the hell it is that he wants. Wait…is he? He is! He’s moving closer! Oh, dang. Don’t look at him…don’t look-shit. I saw chest above that shirt button. Delicious, tanned, Daryl chest up close. I have to move or I’m literally going to melt. Move, Jess. Move, move, move!_

Daryl had indeed, moved closer to her. With his breath now tickling her face she thought about what it might look like to anyone passing by the pantry, which was essentially just a garage at the back of someone’s house and was more often than not, a hive of activity. Luckily, night was descending and the streets were fairly empty but anyone going about a patrol or simply breezing past would get an eyeful of Daryl, gradually closing the gap between them. The game, whatever that may be, would well and truly be up.

“I ain’t doin’ nothin’, Jess.” He pointed out.

She finally found the gusto to step back and summon up some kind of mask for how vulnerable and confused she felt. As was normally the case with Jess when she was with Daryl, she used humor.

“Shut up and go wash that vest again.” She jabbed.

He stayed where he was but actually picked up the clipboard and pen, checking out a few items and raising an eyebrow at her over the metal clip.

“Sure, mom.” He commented.

Jess merely rolled her eyes and tugged her gloves from her coat pockets. She wiggled her fingers as she shoved her hands inside, one, followed by the other as she looked up at him intermittently.

“I get that shit from Carol. Don’t need you lecturing me too.” He complained.

“I’m not lecturing.” She argued with her hands held in surrender “I mean, I should because soon you’re going to start smelling like a frickin’ morgue with the heating left on. But I guess the Walkers don’t detect you as easily so maybe we should find a way to bottle that stench and sell it for some magic beans”

Feeling braver after her teasing of him, she smirked and tapped her leg with her fingers. Bravery didn’t always come with some element of nerves.

“Don’t make me shut you up” He warned.

“Oh yeah? What are you gonna do, Hmm?” She goaded, stepping closer and prodding his shoulder. “C’mon”

“Stop.” He warned.

“No, c’mon, what are you going to do about it?” She laughed with another nudge on his arm with back of her hand. In one, long stride he’d left the table and was back in front of her, looking down at her with a most serious expression that told her she may well have genuinely annoyed him with her childish attempt at thawing the awkward atmosphere. His lips parted and Jess was ready to skirt around him like a dodgeball, grab her box and flee into the night.

“You don’t shut up I’ma kiss ya again.”

His stare was so concentrated and penetrating that once again, her feet felt like they were made from cement and she could only gawp back at him, clueless and hoping that he wasn’t as angry as he looked.

“I’m sorry.” She croaked.

He stepped back, realizing that he’d given her the wrong impression and that his seriousness about kissing her again if she started to babble had wrongfully been translated into him being mad at her. It occurred to him that he needed to work on his communication skills if he wanted to get anywhere with her, but was it all worth the effort when she could, and probably would, eventually do a lot better than him? A new group could arrive tomorrow, as a recruiter, he could even be the one that brought the one person that was perfect for her inside the gates. To him, she deserved more. She was worthy of someone that knew what they were doing, that knew how to devote themselves to someone else and be a good partner. Someone who didn’t have needless violence, multiple arrests and skills acquired by questionable means in their past. Someone who wasn’t covered in scars, mental and otherwise. Despite all the doubt, he would have been a fool to think he could stay away from her even if he tried and not having her in his life wasn’t even an option.

“Don’t have to be sorry.” He said, backing up to the table.

“I don’t?” She questioned. Her tone was unsure and she couldn’t figure out if he was playing down his anger through guilt or if she’d just taken it the wrong way. He picked up the few items he’d gathered and clutched them to his body with one arm.

“Nope.” He grunted as he walked to the door. He paused, glancing at her and noting that the white glow front the street light outside the garage cast on her clothing made her look like some kind of assassin but her face, her soft, innocent and totally mystified features was as it had always been; the one thing that made him stop and really see her. He left her with two, short words that did very little to cure her perplexed state of mind.

“I ain’t”

* * *

Dangerous situations were part and parcel of Daryl’s life in the apocalypse and when he really thought about it, he could successfully conclude that even before the turn, he’d been conditioned to normalize things that the average person would have avoided. He’d been arrested countless times, had more fights than he could ever even begin to count, lost himself in drugs and followed in his brother’s footsteps towards a world full of biker gangs and untold illegal activity. But none of it scared him. Fear was a useful tool to Daryl and it had been since he was a teenager.

Recruiting was more often than not left completely up to Daryl and Aaron and the two of them worked together to cover certain areas of the map while out looking for other survivors. Red zones which boasted thick, bold red lines through them on every map available in Alexandria, were no-go places. Risky groups, herds of Walkers and evidence of ritualistic or cannibalistic activity was found in such places and Deanna had set a non-negotiable rule that no one should enter into such territory unless they had no other choice.

But Daryl didn’t play so well with rules and Deanna had made it more than evident that she was furious with him when he returned one day with intel that there was a small group living in woodland that was well into one of the red zones. He’s scoped them out, returning every day for over a week to monitor their activity and take stock of the small amount of supplies they possessed. The group was formed of two males, a female and a small boy and if he didn’t already know better, Daryl would have swept in and taken the child, bringing him to the safety of their walled community without a single question. But the world had changed and things were not always as they seemed. Bait was everywhere and human beings were not above using children for all manner of horrendous things when their survival depended on it.

Having spoken to Aaron behind Deanna’s back, who immediately went to inform Jess, Daryl set off one day with a large truck, food, water and photographs of Alexandria in the hope that he could lure the apparently harmless group back with him and provide them with a chance at living instead of just existing. Jess was sworn to secrecy after being told that if Deanna found out Daryl was bringing people back from a red zone, there was no telling what she would do. It did nothing for her anxiety and for twelve hours straight, she wandered aimlessly around the fairground, firing off arrows into targets and training the shakes from her hands. What if he never came back? What if one kiss was all she was destined to get from him? What if she never found out what it meant to him? What if Daryl was gone, how would she go on without him?

* * *

There was a good reason why Daryl did not go straight to Jess when he arrived at the gates with the new group in tow. He had something to attend to first and Deanna to deal with before he could even think about leaving the safe zone again. After a long argument that was quickly put to rest when Deanna set her eyes upon the bright blonde, frightened four year old that was waiting in her hallway with his mother, father and uncle, Daryl left the house and headed to the Grime’s home garage, where he kept his bike and various tools and parts that he’d collected. He settled on the long, wooden bench at the back of the room and left the door open.

Carl, having seen Enid and her boyfriend sitting by the pond, was making tracks to his house, where a plethora of distractions awaited and he could bury his head in something that didn’t involve having to watch the girl he had a crush on with someone else, someone he didn’t even like. When he spotted Daryl in the garage, he remembered the advice gifted to him by Jess; that he should watch Daryl because he was the perfect example of how to treat a girl. He ambled into the dimly lit room and ran his hand over the handlebars of Daryl’s bike as he went. The air smelled like polish and car wax and he could see a compound bow on the wooden table in front of Daryl.

“Hi.” He called out.

Daryl glanced up, his hands still over the bows frame.

“Hey. Y’alright?” he replied.

Carl moved closer and rested his arm atop of a tower of metal drawers.

“Yeah” He shrugged.

The intuitive part of Daryl noticed the teenager’s low mood, sagged shoulders and mumbled tone. He wasn’t happy about something and as recent conversation with both him and Jess had revealed, the source of that unhappiness had to be one thing; Enid. He waved a hand at the space on the bench beside him.

“Sit ya ass down.”

Sitting down on the seat beside Daryl, Carl took in the items on the table, a compound bow, wax for the strings, car wax, cloths and a box of small maintenance tools.

“Shouldn't that be in the armory?” He enquired.

“Yup.” Daryl grunted, seemingly unbothered by the huge rule he’d broken by bringing the weapon to the house instead of the safety of the armory. He sat back, slid the bow across the table and positioned it in front of Carl. Then, he picked up the wax block and handed it to him.

“Ya gonna sit here, ya gonna be useful.” He told him “Here. The strings need waxing.”

Not totally confident and sure about what he was supposed to be doing or how, Carl gingerly took the wax and turned the bow around so the strings were facing him. Hovering his hands over the weapon, Daryl stepped in, unhooked the cables for the cable slide and began to explain all the parts that he needed to use the wax on. Before he knew it, Carl was almost done with his task while Daryl watched over him and explained what each of the accessories and elements on the bow were used for.

“I thought you liked your crossbow” Carl commented as he carefully maneuvered the wax block around the peep sight, taking care not to cover it completely.

“I do.” Daryl answered. “This aint mine.”

“Really? Then who’s is it and why are you cleaning it?”

Carl was always inquisitive and wasn’t afraid to ask if there was something he wanted to know. Sometimes, it was much to Daryl’s annoyance but he always let it slide, remembering his own curiosity at that age and how he had to repress it to avoid a beating for being too meddlesome.

“It’s gonna be Jess’s.” He revealed with a quick side glance. Carl smiled and suddenly, Daryl felt quite exposed.

“Does she know?” Carl pressed.

“No and you aint gonna tell her.” Daryl confirmed as he opened the tool box and began rummaging inside. The jarring sound of metal on metal rang through the garage as he selected what he needed and began tightening the screws on the frame of the weapon.

“I won’t tell her. So, it’s a surprise? You got her a surprise?” He was persistent and Daryl had previously been faced with Carl’s determination. He knew better than to try and divert the subject or not answer at all. It was at times like that that he had no choice but to give in and answer what felt like a constant barrage of questions already.

“Yeah. Guess so.” Daryl grunted in response.

“Why?”

“Use that” Daryl instructed, pointing to a small paintbrush laying on the surface by Carl “Get to dustin’ the frame down, around the bolts and screws.”

The teenager did as he was told, but his eyes kept flickering across to his unwilling and unknowing mentor who was busy thinking about how his current situation reminded him of hot, dusty days spent contorted around motorcycles when he was a child while his brother barked orders at him and smoked cigarettes way too close to the gas tank.

“Why?” Carl repeated.

“Jesus, kid. I dunno!” Daryl snapped. “She’s been kinda down lately. Thought she’d like it.”

“So, you got her a new bow because you want to make her happy.” Carl surmised, excited by the prospect that he’d caught Daryl right in the middle of preparing a surprise for Jess and thus proving her theory that he was indeed the one he needed to be taking notice of.

“I didn’t ‘get’ her a bow and it aint new. One of the guys from the group I brought back gave it to me as a thank you. He had two. I know she’ll like it and she could use a little good news.” Daryl explained impatiently while trying to concentrate on what his hands were doing.

“Have you given her any other surprises?”

Daryl dropped his arms onto the table and downed tools. A loud sigh escaped from his lungs and he side glanced at the eager boy.

“Why you grillin’ me ‘bout this, man?” he wanted to know.

“I’m not. I’m just…curiou-.”

“-Curious ‘bout what, Carl?” Daryl shot back before Carl could even finish saying his sentence. Detecting that his questioning was having the opposite effect to how he’d intended it, he tried to explain but with Daryl staring at him as if he was going to use him as target practice to see if the compound bow worked, what came out was not what he planned.

“Nothing. Nothing. I was just wondering why you’d surprise her like this. I-I guess I’m trying to figure something out and Jess told me that you were a…uh…nevermind.”

Turning to face the worried kid on the bench beside him, Daryl narrowed his eyes, now completely losing interest in the bow and focusing all of his attention on what Jess had apparently told him.

“Jess told ya I was a what?” He demanded.

“Nothing. It doesn’t matter.” Carl quickly shook his head.

“Carl. Tell me.” Daryl continued to push.

Aware he was not going to be leaving the garage without having disclosed something that Jess made him swear not to tell anyone, Carl groaned with frustration and threw his head back, closing his eyes for a second before looking back at Daryl, who was leaning towards him with one arm braced on the table.

“I’m not supposed to say.” He started “But she told me to watch you. How you treat her. Said you were a good example of how to treat a girl.”

At his admission, Carl saw Daryl blink and flinch slightly as if he’d been struck. It was obvious that he was quite surprised by such a thing being said by Jess and his eyebrows furrowed as he looked down into his lap and tried to figure out what that could mean.

“She said that?” He eventually asked. “How long ago?”

“Before you got shot.” He disclosed “Are you going to tell her I messed up and told you?”

“She aint gonna be mad, Carl.” He assured him.

The air left Carl’s lungs and he nodded solemnly at his inability to keep the secret that Jess had trusted him with. Although, he couldn’t understand why it was such a big secret in the first place if there was nothing but a friendship between her and Daryl. But her wish was her wish and he wondered if he would have to face her wrath or if Daryl was right. He seemed to know her better than anyone and if he said she wasn’t going to be angry, maybe she wouldn’t.

Daryl didn’t have much else to say on the matter, his thoughts were too consumed with what Jess had been saying to Carl. He knew she liked him, he’d heard it himself and being told that she thought him to be a good example for Carl and one to watch meant more to him than he could have imagined. Such a complimentary comment stirred a strange, fuzzy feeling in his chest and as much as he knew he should keep it to himself, the temptation to confront Jess about it was strong.

* * *

Jess was surprised she hadn’t worn the grass down due to her pacing back and forth for hours on end. From one target to another, from one training patch to another, back to the diner and then to the gate to check the woods for any arrivals. But there was nothing. Her body felt heavy with dread. She hated that Daryl had gone on what sounded to her a lot like a suicide mission and refused to let her have a say in the matter or go along with him as backup. The thought of losing him had not left her terrified mind for a single second and at one point, she found herself standing outside the gate, fully armed and ready to go and find him, until she realized that there was no way she could possibly figure out what part of the red zone he was in and Aaron would have preferred to endure her torturing him before he gave up Daryl’s location and sent her out into the same danger.

She must have checked the area outside the gate at least a hundred times and she was starting to hate the fact that she cared so much. Life was easier when she’d just met him and he was nothing more than an angry, sour-faced redneck who everybody steered clear of. But it had happened fast and if she was honest with herself, a piece of her heart became his when he threw a pack of pens at her from the top of the RV.

At dusk, a tuneful rapping on the metal frame of the gate had her springing from her seat at the bottom of the Ferris wheel and she darted across the long swaying grass in the orange glow of the evening with her heavy boots leaving crushed, green footprints. Although her mood had been that of a rollercoaster all day and the prevailing feeling that kept simmering on the surface was anger, it vanished in a split second when she saw Daryl on the other side of the gate.

She didn’t open it right away, choosing instead to observe him through the honeycomb-like pattern of the metal fencing. He was holding something behind his back but Jess was concerned with one thing and one thing only.

“You’re alive.” She uttered.

“Yes, I am.” He rasped back with a hint of a smile.

Then. Once she’d heard his voice and was sure he wasn’t some kind of mirage or hallucination, she unlatched the gate and stepped aside. Daryl walked in keeping his eyes on hers and whatever was behind his back obscured from her view.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” She asked, irritated.

“Mmhmm.” He hummed with a small nod. It was apparent that she knew exactly what he’d been doing and therefore, he didn’t bother to question her. “Small group. One kid.”

“A kid, huh? Good. That’s…good.”

About to launch into a barrage of scolding sentences that would convey just how incensed she was that he’d gone off on his own into such dangerous territory, she was soon silenced by his next words.

“I um… brought ya somethin’.” He mumbled sheepishly.

The lines in her forehead dropped out when her face softened at the sight of his shyness. Daryl had given her things before. Small things like gum, candy and a sharpening stone for her knife. But this time appeared to be different. Never before had he shown such bashfulness at passing something onto her. She blinked in surprise when he drew his hands out from behind his back and held up a compound bow, complete with all the accessories she could need. It was sparkling, practically brand new and she thought of how great the timing was; her own bow was falling apart.

“For-for me?” She squeaked

“Yeah…” he grunted “…the group I picked up. Guy used to own an archery club. Had two of these. Handed me one as a thank you but I got the crossbow. So, now, it’s yours. I know your bow is gettin’ kinda old.”

He held the compound bow out, moving it closer to her and hoping that she would just take it so she would be looking at that instead of the nervousness that was written all over his face. He wasn’t sure weather to tell her that he’d lovingly cleaned every inch of it and had Carl wax the strings and as a result had geared himself up so much that the simple act of giving her a gift was now blown massively out of proportion in his mind.

Her fingers curled around the weapon and he didn’t realise, but he was soon mimicking her expression. A broad smile as she tested the bows weight and examined all of its different parts.

“Look at this thing. It’s amazing.” She chuckled. Stilling for a moment and catching his eye “you’re right, my bow needs to go into retirement. This is so cool.”

A short exhalation escaped him and he briefly looked down, soon peering up at her though his hair.

“Glad ya like it. Carl helped clean it up for ya” he told her. It was as if his heart was making the decision for him and his head wasn’t allowed a say.

“Really? Thank you so much.” She beamed.

He moved closer, wrapping his fingers around the bow and positioning himself at her side but further back.

“Here, lemme show ya how to use this thing. S’a little different to what ya used to.”

Gentle instructions in her ear told her to hold the bow up and her skin broke out into goose pimples when he threaded the arrow into place, covered hands with his and settled his head over her shoulder. He could smell her recently washed hair and feel the warmth of her body next to his.

He explained where to put her hands and that she needed good posture. The words were enough but Daryl wasn’t about to pass up the opportunity to lightly position his hands on her back and shoulders and noticed when she held her breath. Even with her jacket and protective clothing on, a multi-layered barrier between them, she felt the electricity of his closeness spark through her veins. She turned her head slowly to meet his unsure but determined gaze and managed to release the breath she was holding in a jagged but controlled exhalation. For a second, she thought he might say something when his mouth opened slightly and his eyes seemed to flicker with a rapidly passing thought, but all he ended up doing was nodding at the target. She fired the weapon with a lot more ease than she’d expected, satisfied when the arrow landed in the circle framing the center target.

“Not bad” He offered.

“I’m just a natural at this.” She commented.

“Yeah. Right.”

Neither of them had moved but Daryl did drop his hands for fear of putting her off her shot. There were still mere inches separating them and Jess toyed with the idea of asking him about the kiss again and trying to establish exactly what his intentions were at that moment. It meant she could move on and forget about any possible potential between them, get over her disappointment and focus on being his friend. But he’d warned her off of mentioning it and had done so in a way that could not be mistaken. Then, he’d gone on to tell her that he wasn’t sorry, but what that meant also remained a mystery to her. Deciding to keep quiet on the subject and avoiding a possible argument or awkward situation, she braved a thin smile. Jess didn’t deal well with not knowing where she stood, but in that moment, stood that close to Daryl, she didn’t want to be anywhere else.

“This mean I’m a good example of how to treat a girl?” He shot at her from nowhere.

Dread crept into her bones and her eyes grew noticeably wider. Where could he have got that sentence from and why was he saying it to her so brazenly?!

“What?” she croaked.

His face broke out into a shy laugh and he took a step back, putting some more distance between them that did little to quell Jess’s feeling of suffocation when it dawned on her that Carl had blabbed when she’s specifically asked him not to.

Daryl shifted his weight from one leg to the other and she noticed a tint of pink across his cheeks. Saying nothing, she was ore transfixed on how she was going to wriggle out of this situation with his dignity intact.

“You got the kid interrogatin’ me, Jess.” He smirked.

“What are you talking about?” She questioned, needing clarification and clarity on the situation.

“You know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout. What ya said to Carl.… ‘bout me.” He confirmed.

Her heart sank and her hands grew sweaty as she clunked her new compound bow against her thigh. Her mind was swimming with ideas that would enable her to talk her way out of it but all of them were farfetched and ridiculous. Going with what seemed to be the most believable at the time, she adopted her best casual tone.

“I-I didn’t mean… I meant for him to uh… to watch you _and_ Rick. Y’know. Men like you and Rick.” She explained with a nonchalant flick of her hand in his direction.

“That ain’t what he told me.” Daryl argued.

Jess turned away from him, shielding the incredulous and enraged expression that was quickly forming on her features.

“I’m going to strangle that kid” she muttered to herself. Doing a small double take at him, she noted how amused he appeared. Smiles were not one of Daryl’s trademarks, at least when it came to other people, but he was more likely to smile in Jess’s presence alone and that was something she’d been willing to take the credit for. His smiles were rarer than her own, usually stifled and when he did allow one to slip, it never failed to drag a lustful breath from her lungs. She loved to see him smile, there was no doubt about that, but in that moment, she wished she could drop down into a hole in the earth and be rid of yet another awkward situation that she really could have done without. “He’s love-struck and confused.” She said breezily.

“Only thing he’s confused about is why the girl doesn’t see him.” Daryl surmised.

“She does see him, just…as a friend right now.” She corrected

_Just like you with me. Or not. I don’t know because you won’t talk to me about it._

“So, him watchin’ me is gonna do what exactly?” He continued to dig.

Her patience was wearing extremely thin and she was just about done with feeling nervous and clumsy all the time. There were so many unanswered questions in her head and she didn’t know why, but so many embarrassing outcomes had come hurtling towards her and she was reaching boiling point. Why was this happening to her? Why was everything so complicated and confusing and why the hell was Daryl so determined to watch her squirm?

“Daryl” she snapped in a warning for him to cease his line of questioning.

“What?!” He cried, holding his hands up with his lips still slightly curved.

Jess turned her back to him, swooped down to collect her old bow and quiver of arrows that she’d left on the floor and stomped off towards her home.

“I have shit to do. I have to go. Thank you for the bow.” She threw over her shoulder.

“Jess, c’mon.” She heard him plead from behind her.

“Let yourself out, I’ll lock the gate later.” She added.

“Alright” He huffed.

Inside the diner, Jess heaved in deep breaths after setting her bows and arrows down on the chair in the corner. In front of her was an upturned wooden box that doubled as a small table. The name of a local farm was written on the side of the box in black and it matched three others of varying size that she possessed. On top of the box were two, heavy mugs.

Not only did Jess have the aftermath of her attack to contend with, which meant her anxiety was heightened anyway, everything else was getting very complex and every move she made was starting to feel like it would snowball into something huge. She was scared to do or say anything wrong for fear of the inevitable humiliation that would no doubt arrive. But aside from that, she still harbored the unspeakable idea that Daryl could have failed to return after his solo mission into the Red Zone. It gnawed away at her so much that she’d been forced to sit with the reality of it for the entire day; she loved him and losing him would destroy her. He’d left without a word to her as if she didn’t matter. Jess was aware that she hardly ever mattered to the objects of her previous desires, but this one had kissed her and this one she had fallen for and this one was different, so different that he battled her nightmares and made her feel like it was a good thing to be who she was.

Exasperation began to elevate in her chest and she picked up one of the mugs, mindlessly throwing it against the far wall with such strength that she could have pulled a muscle in her arm. The ceramic object collided with the brick wall and exploded, sending shattered clumps of polished, white pieces all over the place. Even more annoyed by the mess, she found herself looking down at the second mug in her hand and automatically yelling curse words as she launched it at the same place on the wall as the first. More and more mess coated her bed, bookshelf and rug and she could only stare at the faint scuff on the brickwork while her temper calmed.

Outside the diner, Daryl leaned against the wall and smoked a cigarette to the concerning chorus of swear words that were filling the room beyond the wall. He had no idea how angry Jess was, that she was even capable of such a noisy fury or how she’d even arrived at that point but he did realize that his probing around what Carl had told him had been the fuel thrown on the proverbial fire. He was under no illusions by that point that Jess had indeed told Carl to watch him and use him as a good example, but he had no more plans to discuss it. The knowledge of her opinion of him alone was gratification enough and he knew it would keep him awake in the best way when he closed his eyes and tried to sleep that night.

Inside, things had gone quiet by the time he’d finished his smoke and he decided that he’d better check in on her wellbeing. It was either face the angry woman in the diner or spend the whole night wondering if she was charging through the woods in the dark, chopping off the heads of Walkers and screaming curse words at the moon.

He knocked on the windowpane as he passed and headed to the door, where he found Jess standing in the doorway with one hand on the handle and her mouth open like a trapdoor.

“I thought you left. Why haven’t you left?” She asked with sheer disbelief.

_Just when I thought my day couldn’t get any worse. He heard me._

“Heard smashin’. Wanted to make sure you were okay.” He told her.

“I just dropped a couple of cups.” She quickly informed him in the hope that he would turn and leave her alone. It wasn’t often that she wanted to be away from him, but her mood was so unpredictable after such a dreadful day, that she really felt the need to relinquish her desire to be with him for one night now that she knew he was alive and well. 

“Right.” He nodded.

Her body language was speaking volumes to Daryl, even if her voice was not. She didn’t bother to invite him inside and eventually leaned against the doorframe, sighing loudly as if his mere presence was irritating her.

“You mad at me for somethin’?” Daryl asked

She grit her teeth and exhaled quickly through her nose as she glared at him. It was written all over her face and Daryl wondered why he’d even bothered to ask. She was quite clearly mad at him.

“No” She spat. “Yes. I’m lying. Yes. I’m mad at you. I mean, really? Going into the red zone alone, Daryl? That was stupid. Fucking stupid. I would have gone with you.”

There it was. She wasn’t only mad because he’d questioned her about Carl. She was mad because he’d gone out alone and to somewhere out of bounds without giving her a say. He didn’t know when he started having to answer to her and check with her about things, but it didn’t phase him. In fact, he found it to be a good thing that she cared so much, he just wished he knew why.

“I was fine” He reasoned.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She demanded.

“I knew you’d give me a hard tim-”

“-You’re damn right I would have! Does it ever occur to you that something could happen to you?!”

“Not reall-”

“ _WELL IT DOES TO ME, DARYL_!” She suddenly shouted at him, cutting him off again and jabbing herself in the chest with her index finger. “It _does_ to me…you could have died.”

“But I didn’t.” He gently reminded her.

“That’s beside the point!” She raged “I gave up doing distance runs! Because you said you cared! I did that for you! Alexandria needs you. Your group needs you. You are needed, Daryl. You’re always worrying about me getting hurt but it works both ways! The Red Zone is red for a fucking _reason!_ You’re not supposed to just run into the lion’s den without any backup. I mean, even Iron Man needed backup at one point!"

“Jess, I was fine.” He tried.

“But what if you weren’t? What if you got into trouble and needed help? You can’t just do that. You can’t. You say you care about me; then why don’t you give a crap that I care right back?! I was here the whole day worrying about you. You ruined my day. You asshole. Then you got me a bow and that was nice because you’re a good guy, y’know, it was sweet of you. But, no! you still ruined my day. There are people that care about you. Rick, Carol, Judith...me! You fucking idiot-”

He swooped down to her and crashed his lips to hers. It obliterated every thought. For the first time since their first kiss, Jess’s mind was firmly locked into the present. The worries of the day evaporated like rain on the hood of a car on a hot morning and she had no wish for the kiss to end. Drunk on endorphins, she sensed his tongue trace the crease of her lips, testing, teasing and asking for permission which she soon granted. His only desire was to touch her, to move his hands under her armoured layers and feel her perfect softness. But self-restraint was one of his greatest skills and his hands remained holding either side of her face, thumbs stroking her jaw and cheeks in a messy yet deliciously craving and sexy caress. In moments the kiss had become firmer, he savoured her lips and the quickening of her breath that matched his own. Jess could only hope that such a kiss was a promise of much more to come and it was a thought that scared and excited her all at once. 

Reluctant to let his lips leave hers, he pulled back slowly, bit by bit and found that when he took his time, Jess reacted with a bravery that she hadn’t displayed before. He liked the way she clung tightly to his forearm with one hand and held the other one flat against his chest, over his heart. What he liked even more, was the way she tilted her head to him and went back for two more, shorter kisses, both of which he did not need to initiate but was more than happy to oblige. 

Her lips were pink and shiny when she stepped back and took a deep breath to ground herself and settle her pounding heart. She swallowed hard and gingerly looked up at him. One of his hands had found its way into his pocket, while the other one fiddled mercilessly at his side and it was an indication that he was not as fearless about the whole thing as he was letting on. 

“Are you…” Her voice was rough, as if it had been vanquished from her with a kiss. “… are you going to do that every time I talk too much?”

Daryl was wandering back up to the path, licking his lips and flashing her yet another breath-taking half smile as he looked back. 

“It’s workin’, ain’t it?” he commented simply before finally turning his angel-winged back to her and making his way to the gate through the overgrown grass. “Lock the gate behind me”


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for the love! Comment and Kudos! I will endeavour to reply to comments as soon as I can. For now, enjoy the fluffiness.

Of all the choices she made, Jess could not choose what happened in her head when she slept. Humans needed daydreams as goals, aspirations and escapes, but nightmares are also dreams and part of what makes them so terrifying, is their origin and creation in a person’s mind. A vivid nightmare has the potential to stay and fester for hours after waking, some are sometimes never forgotten. Daryl was her knight up against the reoccurring foe of her vivid dreams and his presence gradually pushed it away, weakened it and solidified her refusal to surrender. She would recover, she would get over her trauma, as long as Daryl was by her side.

An impromptu night spent by her bedside after she’d fallen asleep reading a book meant that Jess slept soundly with nothing more than a hand rested on her wrist when she’d stirred once and Daryl’s protective instincts kicked in. He watched her eyelashes flutter and her lips murmur until she fell back into a still and undisturbed sleep.

He remained in the chair opposite the bed during the dark hours and occupied his time in between glancing up at her sleeping form with the various books she kept on her bookshelf. All arranged alphabetically and by genre, like a bookstore or a library. When daylight shone through the gap in the barrier on the window and cast a bright, searing light in one spot on the floor, Jess groaned and Daryl rose to his feet, creeping across the rug and kneeling beside her bed. He curled his fingers around hers and gently kneaded her hand.

“Jess?” He whispered steadily, seeing her eyes open before her eyelids flickered and she groaned again. Her hand was slid out from his and she crumpled her face up, peering at him with one eye open.

“Oh god.” She moaned.

“Actually…” He smiled “It’s Daryl. But that’s close enough.”

Jess couldn’t help but laugh, one of her hands rising up to rest on his shoulder and her cheeks turning rosy. It was rare to hear such a comedic remark from him but in those rarities came gratitude from Jess that she was the only one that was blessed with seeing such a side to him.

“You didn’t have to stay here all night.” She told him.

“I know. I wanted to.” He assured her. The truth was; the prospect of being in his room, alone when he had the opportunity to stay by Jess’s side was not an appealing one at all.

“Did I-?” She started

“-No bad dreams.” He said with an element of triumph.

“You are the chink in the armour of my nightmares.” She grinned.

Not knowing how to respond to something he didn’t know he needed to hear so much, she huffed shyly and bit down on his lower lip.

“I’ma head back, get a couple hours sleep. I’ll meet ya at the gate” He affirmed.

* * *

The need to scavenge was becoming more urgent due to Aaron and Daryl’s recruiting success. More mouths to feed meant more food and basics were needed and therefore, Daryl’s tight hold on Jess’s supply run area was slowly being relaxed. He let her join more runs with little argument, provided he was going along for the ride too and she hadn’t failed to notice his insistence on being near her all the time, following her into buildings and keeping her in his peripheral vision.

On that particular day, both of their schedules were full. They would hunt in the morning and join Michonne and Glenn for a supply run in the afternoon and in preparation for their trip, Jess spent the two hours that Daryl had used to sleep in the grounds of the Fairground, practicing with her new Compound bow.

Their kiss in the doorway of her home was still at the forefront of her mind, never leaving for more than a few minutes at a time. She thought of how she could definitely get used to being silenced by such methods, if only she knew the real intentions behind it all. A week had passed since and, in that time, their conversations bordered on flirting and Daryl’s confidence with her was notably bolder. He tested her, dropped hints and watched her blush with a quiet satisfaction, all the while remembering what he’d heard her say to Aaron at the vegetable patch that day. Despite their playfulness, there had been no more covert kisses no matter how many times they were left alone or Jess decided to chance her luck by babbling.

Growing increasingly confused by his actions, she found herself pinging back and forth between elation when he shot her a knowing smirk and anger when he allowed yet another day to go by without affording her an explanation. Caught between feeling as though he only had eyes for her and like a toy that he could throw away when he got bored of it, she began to wonder if she’d dodged a bullet for her entire life in staying away from what was the complicated world of feelings and relationships. But now she was caught in a web and endure she must with gritted teeth and able to revel in the delight that was his lips on hers, while it lasted.

So enamoured was she with her new bow, that she was soon racing through the woods towards the gate, having lost track of time and realised she was late to meet Daryl for hunting. By the time she’d arrived, he was nowhere in sight and she quickly accepted that the morning hunt would be a lonely one. She set off through the trees with her bow held at her side and a quiver of arrows on her back and before too long, she’d taken down four squirrels but lacked anything with any substance.

She pressed on, shoving bushes aside and squinting at what appeared to be tracks on the ground. Footprints, but too organised and linear to be from a Walker. Figuring she may well be gaining ground on Daryl, she carefully tracked him and eventually discovered from the hoof prints in the dirt that he was following something larger than a squirrel. He’d managed to find a deer.

Finding him partially obscured in the bushes and reloading his crossbow, she checked the area in front of him to find nothing but trees and untouched foliage. He did a double take at her, expecting her to be a Walker and quickly feeling relieved when she grinned at him.

“Hey” She chirped.

“You after my deer?” He asked, standing up and lifting his crossbow with one, toned arm. Jess shifted her gaze to avoid the urge to drool at him.

“It’s my deer too now, Stinky” She remarked.

“Think you’ll find I started tracking it first n’ since I was on time, It’s my deer.” He commented. His tone was mocking and Jess loved the way he poked fun at her. Subtle, but so characteristic of his nature when he accompanied it with a badly hidden smile.

“Didn’t know you were such a stickler for timekeeping.” She said with a roll of her eyes before shoving him in the arm. She wasn’t about to lie to herself, she’d done it on purpose as an excuse to touch him.

“Wanna team up?” He offered.

“As long as your light-footed enough.” She said breezily as she scanned the ground for the track marks.

“You forgotten who taught you huntin’ basics, girl? Don’t make me laugh” He scoffed with a brief glance around at their surroundings. His forehead glistened with sweat in the morning heat and he wiped the back of his wrist across it, sticking a few strands of scraggly hair to the side of his face.

“I can’t. That’s quite the challenge, apparently.” Jess quipped.

“Uh?” He grunted, confused by her comment.

“Making you laugh. It’s nigh on impossible.” She knew her statement wasn’t entirely true as she’d been witness to Daryl’s sense of humour many times, but she’d been unable to resist a small jibe at him after him pointing out the fact that she’d been late to the hunt.

“I laugh.” He argued.

“No, you don’t.” She countered, flicking a hand at him and wandering off in the direction of the tracks. She could hear him walking just behind her and toyed with the idea of mentioning the need to be light-footed again.

“Maybe folks just aint funny enough.” She heard him mutter. She stopped, turned to him and raised both eyebrows.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am hilarious. An absolute delight” She told him.

“Whatever.” Was his only reply.

Jess couldn’t put her finger on exactly when it had happened but in a split second, the atmosphere between them changed and a spark ignited. It was the same spark she felt with his kiss on her doorstep and her heart began to race. Daryl was still, his eyes fixed on hers with an intense stare. A thick silence passed between them and he noticed her chest rising and falling under her reinforced clothing. She wanted to speak, wanted to ask him what was happening and if he felt the spark too but when she opened her mouth, the words vanished quicker than smoke on the wind.

“D-Daryl?” She stammered.

“Yeah?”

To her surprise, he took a couple of steps towards her and her body surged with anticipation. She waited and it felt like the longest few seconds of her life, so much so, she was unable to wait anymore and her impatience took over. She took a stride towards him and then, there was no space left between them. Her hands lifted and the bristly sensation of his jawline under her fingers was soon forgotten because she wanted to kiss him. And so, she did. It wasn’t like one of those close-mouthed, awkward kisses like in eighth grade. It wasn’t even hesitant or unsure like the previous two. It was a full on, open-mouthed, almost sexual kiss and Daryl loved it. He exulted in the way her body melted into his and the way their lips fit together like two missing puzzle pieces. She relented when he played with her hair, winding a few strands around his index finger. She felt a moan rising from deep inside her and like a tidal wave, it crashed and rolled to the precipice. He smiled into their kiss, unable to hide his satisfaction at her reaction.

_She must be outside her mind to keep doin’ this with me._

His body hummed with desire when he slipped his tongue into her mouth and sensed her deepening the kiss. It was a risk he didn’t have time to talk himself out of but it paid off and instead of pulling away, she grabbed at the front of his leather vest with her fists.

_Woah. I was not expectin’ this. Huntin’ sure is gettin’ interesting._

Jess slowed things down, changing her mind, she loosened her grip on his clothing. Nerves were staring to rise in her chest and she knew that she couldn’t continue with such an almost perfect moment without some context. She gently pulled back from his lips, but his hands still held her in place with one holding the back of her neck and the other at her waist pinning her to him with a firm grip.

“What…what are we doi-” She tried to ask breathlessly between.

“-Shh…don’t.” He replied, finding her lips once more “no talkin’.” He insisted. He attempted to kiss her again, to prolong what had been a stunning and passionate encounter that he was sure would deprive him of sleep in the small hours, but she resisted and managed to step out of his grasp. He immediately clamped his teeth down on his bottom lip and awkwardly looked down at the floor, then back up at her, clearing his throat.

She hid behind her hand, her fingertips running over her moistened lips and her eyes darting about everywhere. She swallowed hard and bravely raised her vision to find him picking his crossbow back up from the ground. She hadn’t even noticed he’d dropped it, the sound melting into the electric pre-kiss atmosphere. Then, it occurred to her that she’d dropped her own bow and rapidly swooped down to collect it as though she’d been caught in the middle of a mischievous act.

“That deer is mine” he mumbled as he turned on his heels and stomped further into the woods.

“I think we’re going to have to learn to share.” She sighed. 

* * *

Houses and residential settings were ideal for picking through during the end of days. Food was stashed all over the place, even almost two years after everything ground to a dangerous halt. With a little imagination, even the smallest of finds could blossom into something huge. Seeds, fertiliser, gardening tools and cuttings from bushes and trees enabled the community to be more self-sufficient. While dried herbs, salt and flour were requested for cooking and attempts at making sustenance that was not only necessary, but a little taste of that which everyone missed from before.

The group were looking for foodstuffs and items that would go a long way now they had more people to feed and while they were out, Deanna also requested that they bring back any clothing and bedsheets that had managed to avoid the inevitable decay of the apocalypse and it went without saying that any kind of weapon was going to be a good find.

Daryl teamed up with Jess without a word of acknowledgement from Glenn and Michonne, who both swapped a smile when the grumpy archer announced his plan upon jumping from the truck and heading for the door of a large house at the end of a dead end. Jess dutifully followed behind with her new bow armed and ready. She didn’t say it out loud for fear of coming off as mentally unstable, but she secretly hoped they would find Walkers inside the house so she had the chance to take one down with her new archery skills.

The interior of the house was reasonably still intact, the wallpaper was rotting and damp was seeping into the corners, creating a dense and pungent smell that made Jess wrinkle her nose. But it was not the stench of death like most of the houses she’d searched had possessed and so, she was able to pass through the hallway and follow Daryl as he ascended the stairs and checked the coast was clear.

Having two capable fighters behind her and another in front of her meant that being in the middle was the safest place to be. Taking advantage, she began scanning the bright shapes on the walls where family photos must have once existed. She wondered why anyone would think to take photographs with them when given the choice of packing up and leaving. But when she remembered the love of her own family and the many pictures they’d taken, her heart ached and she suddenly understood; she would give anything for just one photo.

At the top of the stairs, Jess noted that Michonne and Glenn had broken away from one another to sweep a room each and Daryl was inching his way into the master bedroom. Jess decided to take the other side of the stairs and soon found herself standing in a barbie pink bedroom with walls covered in unicorns and princesses. She slowly padded over the thick, carpeted floor and kicked open the closet. It was clear of Walkers and of clothing. Socks and a light purple sweater were all that was left. From behind her came a slight shuffling noise and her entire body froze on the spot. Her ears strained to listen and she concentrated so hard she could hear her heartbeat in her head. The longer she stood there, the louder it seemed to get without even increasing in volume at all and after a few seconds, Jess knew that there was a Walker on the other side of the room somewhere. It’s bubbling breathing indicated that its lungs were brimming with mucus but it was immobile enough to have either failed to notice her, or it was incapacitated somehow.

She turned and saw nothing. Adrenaline drove her forwards, out of the closet space and back into the main room where she approached the bed and peered over the edge. On the floor, slumped against a chest of drawers, was an elderly, female walker who instantly lifted a bony arm and began to claw at the air in Jess’s direction. Falling from her fingers, was a crumpled-up child’s drawing and it occurred to Jess that she may well be looking at the dead grandparent of the children that occupied the house. Clearly unable to move far due to her crushed legs, Jess didn’t consider her to be much of a threat at all, but she still saw it as kinder to put the dead down when she could. To end whatever might be going on in their brains. Even just sparks of instinct or chemical reactions. She couldn’t know for sure that they didn’t feel pain and the sight of the pallid, skinny and sad dead woman on the floor of the little girl’s room was enough to encourage her to raise her bow and release an arrow into her soft skull. The _thud_ was quiet enough to evade everyone else’s attention and Jess sighed, tilting her head to one side before taking the quilt from the bed and covering the Walker up.

When she left the room, her attention was focused on the next room and she began to make tracks towards it when Daryl’s voice cut through the air from across the stairs.

“Woah”

Changing direction and letting curiosity make her choices, she followed the sound and pushed open a door with a brass plaque screwed into the glossy paintwork that boasted one word.

‘ _Office.’_

She rubbed her nose absentmindedly as she entered the room, manoeuvring her large compound bow through the doorway and slowly looked up.

“Wha-Oh good lord that’s a lot of Records” She blurted out.

Daryl was stood just in front of her, staring at a long, narrow room full of shelves on either side that reached from the ceiling to the floor. At the end of the room was an oval topped window that filled the space with sunlight and a desk that was scattered with paperwork but also housed an expensive-looking record player.

“Whoever lived here liked their vinyl.” He muttered as he started to wander along the packed shelving, squinting at the letters that protruded out between the records.

She mirrored his movements and joined him in scanning the collection, eventually smiling widely.

“They’re alphabetised. That pleases me.” She said.

Daryl stopped walking and looked over his shoulder at her with his eyebrows pinched together. He was less and less surprised by her quirky ways but sometimes she would make a comment that reminded him of the Jess that he met at the quarry.

“It does?” He questioned.

Her eyes widened and she hooked her bow over her shoulder before making a sweeping gesture from the top to the bottom of the perfectly catalogued records.

“How does this _not_ please you? Look… A-Z. It’s beautifully organised!” She cried in disbelief at his ability to see the satisfaction in such a thing.

“Right” he grunted. Then, he remembered the books in her home. All stacked onto a bookshelf in genre and alphabetical order in true Jess style. He could see the pride in what she collected, the passion for which she did it, but he was baffled by how amazed she appeared to be by the huge collection of music in the room.

“I collected T-shirts and dragons, among other things. Organisation is key for a decent collection.” She informed him with a wag of her finger.

“Yeah, forget how much of a nerd ya are sometimes.” He commented. If she had missed the glint in his eye, she would have presumed it to be a derogatory comment, but she knew Daryl and she knew that slight glimmer of playfulness he possessed and refused to show to anyone but those he held dear. Those he could count on one hand.

“Probably for the best.” She shrugged.

“Why?”

“Maybe I’m not that girl anymore. That’s gotta be a good thing.” To Jess, it wasn’t just losing half of her body weight that was the huge change, it was the ability to look after herself, becoming independent and capable in the apocalypse that was the main change. She still liked the same things, sung the same songs in the safety of her home and wished she could watch her favourite films of TV shows during downtime. But she felt like she’d shed a lot of the old Jess when she embarked on her solo journey and she only saw that as a good thing.

“More her than ya think” he mentioned with a shake of his head in disagreement.

“Nobody liked her” She argued.

There was a momentary silence from Daryl, who side eyed her from where he was standing. Thinking she’d irritated him somehow, she glanced at him and moved her sightline back to the records in front of her, sliding one halfway out from its space, nestled neatly in-between others by the same musician. She could feel his eyes on her and couldn’t resist another peep at him. When she did, he finally spoke.

“Shut the hell up, Jess.”

Despite his choice of words, she sensed his tone was soft and tinged with sadness and for reasons unbeknown to her, the low opinion she had of herself was something that bothered him. She considered that it wasn’t so far off from the way he saw himself and concluded that he was being mildly hypocritical, but she wasn’t about to enter into a debate about it.

Looking over her shoulder at him, she saw the same expression on his face that he wore in the seconds before they indulged in their woodland kiss. Serious, cautious yet laced with a hunger she had no idea she could instil in a person. She could hear Michonne and Glenn talking downstairs and for some reason, their voices now sounded a lot louder than they did before.

Daryl circled around her as if he was ready to stand in her path should she decide to bolt. He cleared his throat and looked over at her intermittently before placing his hand on the back of the door and closing it with the gentlest of clicks. Breaking eye contact with her, he lifted his crossbow and draped the strap over his shoulders, freeing up both of his hands, which he then used after crossing the room, to push her hood back, drag her mask down and cover her hips. The contact made her flinch and clench her jaw but it was soon dispelled when she saw the affection with which he looked at her. Her big, blue eyes were questioning him, urging him to make a move and he couldn’t resist.

He pulled her closer to him and brushed his lips over hers, the front of his hair tickled her forehead and the faint smell of smoke and leather filled her head and sent her into a helpless delirium while she waited for him to kiss her. Taken aback by him walking her backwards, she gasped when her shoulder blades pressed against the lovingly maintained record collection.

He tested her with tender kisses and soft flickers of his tongue over her lips and a fleeting thought crossed her mind.

_How many other women has he done this with? Dude is a good kisser._

It made her question her own skills but so far, she’d not heard him complain during yet another tryst that neither of them had tried to stop. Her stomach hummed with nerves and excitement when he slowed everything down and unhurriedly enjoyed the sensation of kissing her. The movements of his lips and tongue were deep and leisurely but passionate and sensual and she started to feel things she had never felt before. Her breathing was turning heavy and she wanted to do this forever but between the electrifying excitement coursing through her veins and the simmering nervousness in the pit of her stomach, she could hear someone walking up the stairs. She broke away from him, her chest heaving and her lips glistening. Daryl just stared at her silently, as if she’d committed a crime by backing off. But he relished her flustered demeanour, knowing it was because of him.

_She’s gettin’ brave. Might be the sexiest thing I’ve seen in my whole damn life._

With mere seconds to spare, Jess whirled around and began plucking Vinyl’s from the shelving as the door opened. Daryl quickly jolted the window, ripped his crossbow from his body and adopted the guise of keeping watch out of the window.

“Guys, why is the door shut?” Glenn asked as he casually walked in, knife in hand.

 _Oh shit. Oh shit._ Jess thought. _Be cool. I can be cool. I am cool. Nothing to see here. I just had something in my eye. Yeah. That’s right. Daryl was helping me out. Oh my god, seriously?! Glenn is not going to believe that crap. Ugh. Daryl, the one time I wish you could read my mind! Fly casual, Jess, you can do this._

“Oh, it must have closed on its own while Mr. Grouchy over there was birdwatching and I was busy perusing the homeowner’s music taste. Check it out” She slid a vinyl from the shelf and held it aloft with a wide grin on her face “The Beatles! My favourite!”

Glenn shuffled closer and smiled at her. “Nice! This is a good one” he expressed, taking the record from her hand and turning it over. He scanned the track list and nodded in approval.

“Yeeeaaaah! Rubber Soul. Totally agree. A masterpiece” Jess chirped, pleased at her quick thinking and concealment of the true happenings in the room.

“Checked the perimeter? Sure I heard somethin’ outside.” Daryl grunted, interrupting them.

 _Ooh, somebody is not happy about being disturbed._ Jess considered.

“I did, but I’ll go down there and check again.” Glenn offered, turning to Jess “Michonne’s almost done downstairs. We’ll meet you outside?”

“Yup. We’ll be right down. We’re just making sure we don’t miss anything, double checking, chilling. Y’know…flying casual.” She babbled with an overwhelming urge to cringe at her own words. She hoped with everything she had that her face was not echoing the sheer panic that was going on inside her.

 _Stop talkin’, Jess._ Daryl willed from his spot at the window.

“Did you just make a Star Wars reference?” Glenn asked with a grin.

“Yes. Yes I… did?” She answered warily.

“Huh. Cool. See you downstairs.” Glenn responded casually.

He handed the record to Jess and she slotted it back into place and waited for him to leave before hazarding a sly peek at Daryl, who was nervously peering at her through his hair. He appeared shy and almost boyish in his bashful observation of her. She tried not to fixate on the unmistakeable pink shade that glowed from the tops of his ears and across his nose. He was embarrassed and although everything in her wanted to point it out, just like he did to her, she refrained and opted instead to take a snapshot of the moment in her memory. The moment Daryl almost got caught kissing a girl in an abandoned house and blushed furiously.

“Nice save” he offered in a thoughtful and quiet tone.

“Thanks. Here I am, taking life one panic attack at a time.” She sighed, crossing the distance between them and joining him at the window. She glanced outside, seeing the leaves of the trees fluttering in the breeze and the front lawns of the other houses in the street, littered with trash and abandoned vehicles. “I’m a good girl, we both know I’m a shitty liar.”

After her successful attempt to steer Glenn away from noticing anything incriminating, she was feeling rather proud of herself. So much so, that she didn’t even think before she curled her fingers around the lapel of his leather vest and pulled herself to him so she was able to catch his lips with hers and steal a small kiss. When he moved back slightly and looked down at her with his eyebrows furrowed, a flash of pure fear darted through her.

_Aaannnddd here we are again with your mixed signals. Cut me a break here, Dixon._

He briefly turned to the window and squinted in the sun, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth. Jess held her breath when he slowly looked back at her waiting and anxious face.

“Standin’ on my foot.” He finally smirked.

“Oh. Shit. Sorry.” She rolled her eyes and sighed at her clumsiness. Scolding herself internally but secretly happy that he didn’t back off because he didn’t want what she was giving him. Daryl clocked the self-berating look that flashed across her face and instantly felt regretful for saying anything. Without thinking, he raised a hand and stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers. She inhaled sharply and he could see her muscles go completely still while he steadily traced his fingers over her skin, meeting her chin and dragging his thumb across her lower lip. His face displayed a kind of fascination and seriousness that told Jess his actions were very deliberate and so was the sexually charged way in which he had executed it.

Her eyelashes fluttered and to his surprise, she batted his hand away and crashed against him. The sound of her jacket slap against the leather of his vest echoed through the room. With her left hand, she gripped his bicep and with her right, she eased his crossbow from his grasp. He yielded and it clattered to the floor but the thick, lust filled intensity between them was too great a distraction for either of them to notice. Daryl sensed her hand work its way inside his leather vest, smoothing over the buttons of his shirt from his chest to his abdomen. He grunted but it wasn’t from the impact or the shock, it was from desire and Jess felt like all her birthdays had arrived at once.

_Was that for me?! How am I doing this? There are Walkers out there that are sexier than me!_

She was pleased, even proud of his reaction and as she continued to kiss him and ignore the slight nervousness and doubt that bubbled through her body. She was overwhelmed by how alive and safe he made her feel and got the impression that she did the same for him when he flicked her jacket open and held a hand to the middle of her chest, fingertips grazing the crook of her neck, sending an explosion of tingles to her limbs as he slowly drew the neckline of her T-shirt down. She was relived at the lack of panic and terror that she sometimes still felt from her close call with the group that attacked Alexandria. It was Daryl, not the hands of a stranger with ill intentions, not a life and death situation, no pain, no violence, just Daryl. But her anxiety at such a progression was still simmering below the surface and as much as she loved what was happening, she wasn’t sure exactly how far she was comfortable with taking things. Eventually, after journeying down the middle of her torso, he caught her belt loop with his finger. She gasped against him when he pulled at her jeans sharply.

For Daryl, such a spark between him and another soul was unheard of. Never in all his years did he expect to feel something so profound for someone else. It was exposing, revelatory and scary but with her fingernails dragging up and down his arm, her velvety lips working his and the warmth of her chest against his hammering heart, he could swear there and then that he didn’t want it to stop.

Locked in a state of pure bliss, the sound of voices outside miraculously caught Jess’s attention and she immediately thought of Michonne and Glenn waiting for them downstairs.

“D-Daryl…I…heard…” She tried to say, but his tongue dancing with hers silenced her and she didn’t have the willpower to resist. He groaned and the sound sent a powerful craving through her nerve endings.

_Quit talkin’. Can’t hear ya with all those fuckin’ clothes on anyways._

As the situation accelerated, so did the sensation in his pants and his imagination was a vivid blur of lips and flesh and delicious curves. It had been a long time since he’d experienced such thoughts and although he couldn’t ignore the flicker of guilt in his mind for thinking of her in such a way, he was male and a red-blooded male at that. He struggled with the urge to whirl around and clear the desk in the middle of the room. But he quickly talked himself out of it for fear of scaring her or pushing her too far, too soon and try as he might, he couldn’t shake the fact that she had just tried to alert him and his gut told him something was amiss. He opened one eye just in time to see Glenn through the window, he appeared at the corner of the house in the yard below and was seconds away from seeing them.

Jess felt as though she’d been hit by a truck when Daryl shoved her away from the window and against the shelving on the opposite wall. Her eyes snapped open and she gawped at him, terrified that she’d done something wrong. Noticing her reaction, he quickly slipped a hand around her waist and placed himself back in her close proximity, resting his forehead on hers. Her breath tickled at his skin and he could hear the increase in her breathing. Not only did he have to take a moment to get over the panic of very nearly being caught again, but he also needed to allow the raging testosterone in his body to simmer down. He closed his eyes as he held her.

“W-what was that?” She whispered.

“Glenn.” He uttered “Almost saw us.”

She didn’t know what she was supposed to say or do. Between the two of them she figured she was the master of words and he the master of action. But in that moment, she had nothing, not a single idea that could uncloud the foggy, complicated issue of their secret encounters. She was defenceless in his grasp and with Michonne and Glenn wandering around and waiting for them, she struggled to decide if she was angry at the lack of clarity or delighted despite it. While she tried to find something to say, it was Daryl that finally spoke.

“Maybe you aint such a good girl” He rasped before tearing away from her and leaving the room. Jess released a long breath and thudded her head back against the records. Things had moved on more than she ever thought they would and all in the space of a few minutes. Her head was spinning and she could still feel him on her lips. She shook her head, terrified, exhilarated, astonished and worried. Worried about what it all meant, if it could be snatched away and if it wasn’t, worried about where it was going.

* * *

Having made it safely back to Alexandria without being caught out, Daryl and Jess headed to the Grime’s home where they bid Glenn a goodnight and watched as Michonne lifted Judith into the air and snuggled at her neck and face. The small child chirped and giggled with delight before Michonne set her down and she ran to Daryl, who was seated next to Jess on the porch. He reached down, hoisting Judith to his lap with considerable ease, as if she were as light as a feather. Jess set her boots on the fence in front of her and listened as Daryl opened up a book and began to read.

“Alright, kid, bedtime story time, listen up.” He began, shuffling back in his seat and wrapping an arm around Judith’s middle. She pawed at the book, eager to see the pictures. “Once upon a time, there were these thee lil’ pigs. They wanted money, like everybody else n’ his dog. So, off they went to find their fortunes. Before they went, their mom, she said to ‘em ‘whatever ya do, do your best because that’s how we get along in the world’. I dunno ‘bout you, but I’d say the ol’ girl was pretty good with advice. Anyways…”

Jess was grinning from ear to ear at Daryl’s rendition of the classic tale. Judith was already fascinated and by that point and was staring, wide eyed, sideways at Daryl with the fingers of one hand hooked into her mouth.

“The pigs, they built their houses. The first one? He built it outta straw ‘cause it was easy. The second one used Sticks ‘cause it was stronger n’ the third one used bricks. He was the smart one, ya can tell, right?”

Judith giggled at the question and Jess couldn’t help but laugh quietly as she watched the man that was once so unpredictable, so abrupt and rude, so angry and brash telling a tale to a little girl who looked at him like he was her favourite person in what was left of the crumbling world.

“Then, there was this wolf” he continued “We don’t like the wolf. The wolf is a bad guy ‘cause he likes to eat fat, little pigs. Can’t blame him, really. Bacon is real nice and one day, when you’re old enough, you can try pigs feet.”

“Wollf!” Judith cried, throwing her hands in the air.

“Wolf, yeah. So, this wolf knocks on the first pig’s straw house door and says ‘Little pig, little pig, let me in’. The pig, he’s all scared n’ n’ stuff he says ‘not by the hair of my chinny chin chin’. The wolf, he just laughs, ‘cause he’s an assh-a bad wolf. A very bad wolf and he huffs and he puffs and he blows the pigs house in. Then he eats him. Mmm, fresh bacon.”

“Daryl!” Jess chuckled. He looked up at see her beaming at him with great amusement.

“What? She don’t know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout.” He argued.

“She will remember more than you give her credit for.” She told him.

“Alright, alright. So then, the wolf goes to the house made of sticks n’ he says all the same shi-stuff, I don’t need to say it all over again. He eats that pig because he’s just as dumb as the first one. Then he goes to the brick house. Now, that’s where the smart pig lives. He’s got a college degree n’ all that. The wolf says he’ll huff n’ puff and the Pig tells him to go to hell-”

“Daryl!” Jess exclaimed again, nudging him in the arm and feeling a rush of affection when he smiled back at her.

“He’s out there, givin’ himself a panic attack because he just can’t blow this damn house down n’ the pig is inside watchin’ the superbowl with a beer and bag of potato chips. He aint got no worries, ‘cause his house is made of bricks.”

Jess snorted and continued to laugh, she thought it was most definitely the most modern, redneck version of the three little pigs ever told and she made a mental note to go back to the fairground and write it down in her journal to make sure she never forgot it.

Judith wriggled on Daryl’s lap and he reached forward, flicking the pages to the end of the book.

“Now, listen, this is the good part. That wolf? He’s almost as smart as the pig n’ he decides to climb up to the roof and slide down the chimney. Seems like a good idea so he gets on in there and starts to climb down the hole. The pig is a smug motherfu-motherhugger n’ he lights a fire at the bottom and puts a pot of boiling water over it. The wolf gets to the bottom and gets his furry ass well and truly boiled while the pig points and laughs at him. What a doucebag, huh?”

“Kids going to be cussing like a sailor by the time she’s ten.” Jess remarked between laughter. Again, Daryl looked over Judith’s head at her, one side of his mouth lifting into another smile that she knew she was lucky to see. She was almost certain that she could count on one hand the amount of people that had been allowed to see Daryl smile so genuinely at them.

“The pig’s mom, she went to see the pig in the brick house and she said ‘just like I told ya, ya gotta do things the best ya can’ and the pig learned that lesson. But she didn’t ask about the other pigs, the ones that got eaten, she was all about the smart, smug pig n’ yeah, he did good. But the others, they were still her pigs too n’ they tried. Sometimes, even if ya aint got much, ya aint got the smarts or the money, all ya gotta do is try, kid.”

While Judith pestered Daryl for another modified story, Jess took a deep breath and looked out across the darkened town in an attempt to quell the raging, churning ball of feelings in her heart. She’d often thought that he’d done all he could to surprise her and that there wasn’t much else to him that she didn’t already know, but she was continually wrong and on that night, she unearthed his ability to be the best uncle he could to Judith and seeing him tell his story, with his own moral told her that one day, Daryl Dixon would make an incredible father.

The door clicked open behind them and Rick emerged dressed in a white T-shirt and sweatpants. After a manly high-five handshake between him and Daryl and a nod to Jess, He scooped up his daughter and took her inside.

“That was quite the story. I enjoyed that as much as she did” Jess commented with a smirk. He huffed and selected a cigarette from his pack, squinting as he lit it and expelled the smoke from his lungs. He thumped his boots up on the table and slid down in his seat, perfectly reclined and comfortable.

“Be good n’ I might let ya have one.” He said quietly between drags.

“What?” She questioned.

“Bedtime story.” He replied with a quick check of her expression.

“Oh” she wasn’t sure why, but shyness had crept in and was festering under the surface. From her earlier actions and bravery to push herself into getting what she wanted, she managed to muster the courage to throw a quick reminder at him and try her hand at flirting. “I’m not allowed. Apparently, I’m not such a good girl.”

He slowly turned his head to look at her, the both of them gradually lured into a restrained and knowing laughter while they glanced intermittently at each other. Jess had never seen him laugh in such a way before and as his shoulders juddered, he held his hand in front of his face, partially obscuring his chuckling. Smoke filtered up from the white stick between his fingers into a grey slither and Jess could see the faint tint of pink across his nose once more. They were interrupted by Carol stepping out onto the porch and noticing them grinning at one another.

“Am I interrupting something?” Carol enquired.

“No” Daryl responded, twisting in his seat and raising his eyebrows at the single, blueberry muffin she held in her hand. Straight away, Carol could see the change in him, how happy and relaxed he looked, it was a world away from how he presented when they’d first arrived in Alexandria and for that, she had to credit Jess. He swiftly plucked the muffin from her grasp and sniffed it.

“You had one this morning! That is for Jess.” Carol announced as she reached out to take it back from him. He dodged her and brought the muffin to his mouth, licking across the surface area on the top of the baked treat. Carol’s mouth dropped open while Jess stayed in a stunned silence.

“Daryl!” Carol scolded

“Snooze ya lose.” Daryl shrugged. “I licked it so, it’s mine”

“Someone wasn’t listening when I mentioned sharing this morning.” Jess commented.

“I’ll make you another” Carol assured Jess. She could tell by the dynamic between them that their friendship was closer than it had ever been and a big part of her hoped that Daryl had been brave enough to admit how he felt about his best friend.

“No need.” Jess assured her “The payback will be sweet enough.”

* * *

Clouds were rolling in and the sky had turned a dull pallete of grey on the following afternoon. Jess glanced around after entering the main gate and briefly stopped to talk to Abraham while she fastened the straps on her gloves. Daryl observed them from the living room window as he sipped piping hot coffee and tried to ignore Judith’s defiant screaming, a frequent reminder that baths were not on the top of her list of favourite things. On the street outside, Carl ambled past with Enid by his side although neither of them spoke. Enid held a backpack in her arms which she was busy sorting through while Carl was evidently trying not to give away his true feelings by staring at her too much. For the first time in his life, Daryl could relate.

He released an amused breath and took a sip of his coffee, his eyes finding Jess again and his Jealousy rising when she allowed Abraham to wrap her in a bear hug during which they both swayed back and forth. Despite the fact that he was almost completely convinced that she had not been kissing anyone else, he just couldn’t stuff down the envy he felt every time he was witness to the strong, overly friendly dynamic between her and Abraham.

Carl and Enid reached the corner of the street by the gate and Daryl noted Jess wave at them. They both returned her gesture before Enid broke away from Carl to run to another teenage boy who took her hand, kissed her cheek and led her away, leaving Carl swapping a defeated glance with Jess. She shrugged at him and said something that Daryl couldn’t make out. He finished up his coffee, slid the mug on the kitchen counter on the way out and headed straight for the gate.

Jess was making tracks to training when Daryl caught up with her. At first, no words were spoken and all that transpired between them was a brief smile and a lingering look. Jess thought about how she wished she knew what he was thinking, what he thought of her and what else could possibly happen behind closed doors. During the night, she’d woke with a start, coated in sweat and hyperventilating, trying to forget another nightmare that left her feeling fearful and vulnerable. She wished Daryl was there to hold her hand, to soothe her back to sleep and tell her it was all in her head. But the empty space beside her only seemed a lot bigger than usual. He was her safety, her security and her haven. If he wasn’t there, her demons could creep back in and take over.

Assuming he was accompanying her to training, she kept quiet and slowly ambled around the buildings to the training grounds at the back of the compound.

“S’gonna rain.” He mentioned out of nowhere.

“Mmhmm. Probably” She hummed.

Then, a hand was positioned on her arm and she was stopped. He eased her around to face him.

“Train with me.” He said.

“What are you talking about? We’re going to training?” She clarified, a little confused by what could have easily been mistaken for an order rather than a suggestion.

“Gotta learn to fight in all conditions, right?” He reasoned. He had a point; she’d only ever learned to fight and defend herself in bright sunshine and on ground that was dry and solid. Who knows when she would have to face an adversary that launched an attack in the middle of a storm or even worse, snow?

“Uh yeah?” She agreed.

“So, skip class n’ train with me”

Jess tilted her head to one side and regarded him with an air of suspicion. It was unusual of Daryl to be so demanding and so open about it and the way in which he carried himself appeared to be different on that particular day. He was somewhat determined and his hand that was still gripped around her forearm indicated that he was actually bordering on being pushy.

“Thanks, but I really should go to class. You should just come along too. We can talk to Deanna later about using the weather to time the next lessons. Get some variation in” She suggested, expecting him to give in and release her arm. But he didn’t, he held on firmly and quickly checked around them for any onlookers. Stepping closer, he slipped his hand further down her arm, reaching her glove, which he pushed past to her fingers. The skin where the fabric of her fingerless gloves stopped, lit up with the touch of his fingertips and Jess was well aware that if anyone were to appear at the corner of the houses on the way to training, they would see Daryl holding her hand as though they were a real couple.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say ya just don’t wanna be alone with me” He commented. He didn’t have a plan and his actions were more impulsive than ever after seeing her with Abraham and being driven to cement a wall between them. Ownership wasn’t something that Daryl wanted to impose on her, he knew he had no right due to his lack of explanation for the way in which their relationship had progressed, but it didn’t stop him thinking of her as his. She’d been his since the quarry when they’d sit on the RV or train in the woods and she was still his when she laughed and joked and enjoyed embraces with a bigger, bolder and more confident man. To Daryl, no one would compare to her and he told himself while in the throes of overwhelming jealousy, that Abraham may get to hug her, but he was not the one that got to kiss her when they were alone.

“Good job you know better.” Jess smiled thinly.

“So, you _do_ wanna be alone with me?” He smirked. Her shy responses and awkwardness when faced with his mildly flirtatious remarks were something he knew he would never tire of. She brought out a surety in him that he didn’t know was there before he’d met her and if he was honest with himself, even if he did know of it, he would never have dared if he hadn’t overheard her admission that she liked him. The extent of his conversing with women before the turn only covered a basic greeting, the buying of a drink and enduring Merle’s incessant, graphic remarks to goad him into taking a female home. Now, he had control and he was going to do it his way.

 _What has gotten into him?!_ Jess thought. _What is with the flirting?! I can’t flirt! Asshole is doing this on purpose._

“I…didn’t say that.” She corrected.

Finally, he let go of her hand as a young woman stepped into view and greeted them as she passed. Jess recognised her from training classes. When she was out of sight, Daryl moved closer still, until he was looking down into her blue eyes.

“Train with me.” He repeated.

She had to take a deep breath and compose herself before she could answer. The smell of leather and smoke only reminded her of the way he kissed her in the office of the house the previous day and it made her feel drunk on him. Having to keep a check on her feelings for him was proving to be quite the task when with every move he made, he confirmed to her that she was completely in love with him.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you had an ulterior motive.” She chattered as casually as she could manage. “Your persistence is a little surprising”

“Maybe I do.” He shot back “Maybe I don’t. Go to the fairground with me n’ find out. Train with me.”

His use of the same phrase over and over and with such a steady resolve caused her to ponder the notion that he could be referring to training while meaning something totally different altogether. The idea had her torn. One the one hand it was exciting but on the other, terrifying.

_If you are not willing to discuss what is going on here then I am not willing to consider anything past some enthusiastic smooching and the occasional wandering hand. No explanation, no entering the castle for you, buddy._

“Repetition will get you nowhere. You have no power over me, Stinky.” She dismissed, stepping back and continuing on her path.

“You sure about that?” he called after her.

When she glared back at him, her mouth involuntarily fell open at the sight. Jess constantly thought Daryl to be the most attractive man she’d ever seen and she spent so much time with him it was almost becoming normal that she ogled him and checked him out when she thought he wasn’t looking. But there were single moments throughout her day when the air would expel from her lungs and she caught herself suspended in a kind of trance while her mind went blank and she could only blink at what she considered to be the finest form of a man stood before her.

His hands were pushed into the pockets of his jeans, his exposed arms baring the ripples of his muscles in the cloudy daylight. One eyebrow was lifted and his lips were curled into the slightest of smiles.

_Hooooot damn. I might just be looking at the sole reason for global warming, right here. I’d be a fool to say no to this._

“Fine.” She spat with a flinch and quick shake of her head. “But only because this broken record act is tiresome already.”

She stormed towards him, giving him the impression that she was being incredibly put out by his request. She lifted her mask to partially cover her face, knowing that the thought of rolling around in the mud with Daryl was already making her cheeks burn.

* * *

The seat padding of a chair made for a decent punchbag and Daryl, knowing not to underestimate Jess’s gusto and enthusiasm, was still taken a back by how much power and effort she put into her training. She was improving at a faster rate than he could ever have imagined and he could only put it down to her attack and her disinclination to find herself in the same horrendous situation for a second time. If she kept training the way she was and practicing enough, he would be looking at someone who’s fighting prowess rivalled his own. The only issue he could detect that held her back, was her own self-doubt.

She lunged at him, the heavy, relentless rain making her quest even more difficult. She kicked the padding with a loud, wet smack of her boot and sent him stumbling backwards, unable to recover quickly enough to withstand the series of punches that followed. He grunted and put all of his weight behind the pad, trying to drive her back but she kept going, finding the strength and fortitude from the memory of the attack and the subsequent nightmares to fuel her rampage. Her feet skidded in the thick mud of the saturated ground and her pants stuck fast to her legs.

Daryl began to duck and swerve her punches, confusing her and throwing what had morphed into a routine completely off balance. So much so, that she missed two kicks and opened herself up for a hefty bash from the padding. He blinked the rainwater from his eyes and flicked his hair from his face with a nudge of his head.

“Loosin’ ya focus, girl.” He provoked from behind the leather, chair cushion.

Inside her own head, Jess’s focus was quite clear; use the confusion and helplessness that came with falling for someone that kissed her and refused to acknowledge it, and channel it into energy that was dispelled through controlled violence. It wasn’t just the attack that made her angry, Daryl made her angry too and along with that anger came a multitude of other emotions that left her with so much to think about, training was the only way she could use it to her advantage.

“C’mon, Jess!” He cried “Hit it harder…faster.”

With that, Jess paused with her hands balled into fists in front of her. Rain soaked her clothes and stuck the front of her hair to her forehead. She didn’t bother with her hood when it became so laden with surplus water that it was easier to concentrate without it. She tilted her head to the side and replayed his words in her head.

“Easy, Daryl. Are we still talking about fighting?” She questioned brazenly.

His eyebrows shot up and his lips curled at the edges. Taking advantage of his momentary distraction, she hit the pad with an uppercut that was delivered with all her might and resulted in him stumbling a lot more significantly than before. He huffed and prepared himself before charging at her. Thinking quickly, Jess moved into a sideways stance and ran back at him, barrelling into him and growling as she forced him back. His boots left dragging tracks in the mud which rapidly filled with water and he considered that if he wasn’t too occupied with her witty question, he would have been better prepared for her onslaught.

_Clever girl._

The two, short words were all he had time to think before he was barged further backwards, eventually ending up on his back in the mud. Jess seemed to carry on, tripping over him and hitting the concrete path with a loud scuffing sound as her body crumpled and she let out a piercing scream. Daryl flipped over and crawled to her as fast as he could, his heart pounding in his chest.

“Jess?! Jess?! Ya okay?!”

“M-My shoulder. Oh my god!” She croaked while clutching her upper arm and rolling onto her back. Her hair sank into the mud and she fought to catch her breath through the astonishing pain that radiated from her shoulder.

“Don’t move, don’t move.” He told her as he gently unzippered her jacket and tried to lift one side to get a look at the damage. She screamed with each slight movement as though her arm was being ripped off and Daryl had to grit his teeth to be able to soldier on through seeing her in so much agony. He coaxed her hand away and wrapped his fingers around hers. “I need to see. Alright? Squeeze my hand.”

His request was soon accepted and he almost regretted it when she gripped his hand like a vice and threatened to snap his bones with the strength born from her pain. She yelled at the top of her lungs as Daryl lifted her jacket again and peered inside at her deformed shoulder. He didn’t know if the water around her eyes was from the rain or tears but he suspected it was the latter when he sat back and refused to let go of her hand despite the discomfort it caused.

“Okay…it’s dislocated. I gotta get you inside the diner n’ outta the rain and I gotta do it fast. It’s gon’ hurt like hell, but you can do this, alright?”

Her eyes blinked continuously in an attempt to see through the rain and she nodded solemnly.

“Running at you was n-not…big or clever.” She quipped through her pain.

“Knocked me on my ass though, I’ll give ya that.” He mused.

The short distance to the diner felt like a marathon for both Daryl and Jess when he carried her through the slippery mud and heavy rain to the sound of her bellowing which did not cease until he bashed through the door and set her down on the rug in front of her bed.

“Shit. Shit. Shit. I gotta go see Denise. Pop this bad boy back into place.” She panted.

Her face, hair and almost all of her clothing was caked in a thick layer of mud and the rug around her was slowly developing a wet circle of rainwater around where she was sitting.

“Nah, no time. I can do it.” Daryl quickly responded.

She looked up at him as he shrugged his wet and dirty leather vest from his shoulders and left it on the diner’s countertop. Rolling his ripped shirt sleeves up halfway, he noticed her uneasy expression.

“How do you know how to do that?” she wanted to know.

“Told ya before, been in a few scraps in the past.” Was his mumbled and vague reply.

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” She pressed.

His shoulders sagged and he let out a long breath, levelling his gaze at her in the dull room that was lit only by lanterns hanging on the wall. The weather outside meant that any gaps in the window barriers failed to let in much light and Jess had to reply on other means of light when she was home.

“Do you trust me?” he asked.

“Yes.” She answered without hesitation.

“So, let’s not waste time. C’mon, lay back.” He ordered, clapping once and pointing to the floor beside her.

“Wait…wait…You’re not going to make it worse? What if you do it wrong?” She argued.

Daryl pulled a wooden box across the rug and sat down in front of her, leaning forwards with his elbows on his knees. He clasped his hands together, rubbing them slowly and thoughtfully and choosing his words carefully in the knowledge that the last thing he wanted to do was lose his temper with her.

“Jess, the longer ya leave this, the worse it gets. I’ve done this twice for Merle and once on myself with no fucker to help me.” He explained. So please, lay the fuck back n’ let’s get this done.”

Her breathing was still laboured, the discomfort was etched on her face and yet, she somehow managed a wry smile.

“That’s confidence. I bet you do crossword puzzles in ink, too.” She commented.

He shot her a baffled look and knelt down beside her with a hand at her back. He eased her down gently and tried his best to ignore the trembling of her limbs from both the dampness of her clothing and the throbbing in her shoulder. She hissed an exhalation through her teeth when he took hold of her wrist with one hand and her elbow with the other.

“Ready?”

“Mmhmm”

He took a second to focus and gradually started to pull on her arm. Hauling the joint back into place bit by bit. Jess screamed until she was hoarse and her throat turned raw.

“HOOOLYSHITMOTHERFUCKER!”

“Almost there”

“FUCK! STOP! I cantfuckingtakeitohmygod!” she breathed.

“Don’t be a pussy, Jess. Just a little more” he insisted.

“Shitohshitohshit!”

It took less than a minute but to Jess it was a lifetime before her shoulder finally clamped back into place and she stopped yelling. Relief flooded her body and she was shocked at just how swiftly the pain diminished. Despite its absence, she still needed to collect herself and remained on the floor in the aftermath while Daryl got up and began rooting around her home. A loud ripping sound meant she dragged herself into a sitting position and noticed him tearing up a T-shirt.

“Hey! That is a Bucky Barnes shirt, you animal!” She exclaimed.

“Yeah, yeah. Quit complainin’.” He muttered to himself, setting to tying a knot in the ripped shirt and holding it up to survey his efforts. He did a double take at her helplessness on the floor. The mud on her face was drying and cracking and he figured from the state of her skin that when she hit the floor and skidded, dirt collected and was shoved inside her clothing, covering her chest and arms.

“Ya look like a chocolate sundae.” He remarked.

“I’ll wash it off.” She sighed, pushing her fingers into her hair and making a disgusted face at the sheer quantity of the grainy substance that was coating her scalp.

“Ya can’t. Not by yourself. You gotta keep that arm still.” Daryl protested.

“I can do it with one arm.” She reasoned casually, confident of her abilities even if she did only have one, working arm.

“Can’t risk makin’ it worse, you could have pulled muscles n ripped tendons n’shit. I’ll help ya wash it off.”

Panic descended upon her and she stared down into her lap. Her mind was racing and her skin prickled at the thought of having to get undressed in front of the one man whose opinion meant everything to her. Being so exposed in front of another person was not something Jess had experienced much in her life and the thought made her blood run cold.

_I can’t. I can’t do this. Please don’t make me do this._

“No. It’s okay. Really, I’ll be fine.” She tried to assure him.

“Jess, I know it feels better now but when ya get up n start movin’ around, it’s gonna hurt like a sommbitch for a while. Ya can’t sit around caked in dirt for days until it heals n’ you can get Aaron’s place for a shower. Shoulder’s all tore up on the top, too. Need to clean it up. Just let me help ya.”

Jess’s self-consciousness went way beyond her awareness of herself and reached into the realms of how others saw her. Having lost so much weight and during the end of the world, her need to concern herself with the opinions of most people had faded, but Daryl was the one that mattered and having him think less of her for her appearance was a notion that made her feel nauseous. She still had curves built into an hourglass shape and was a long way away from a supermodel. But he wasn’t giving up. Standing over her with his eyes locked on hers, he wasn’t about to yield and let her have her way. He cared too much about her to leave her to struggle with one arm, an open wound and so much mud to contend with.

“I don’t want to… get naked” He admitted quietly.

She heard him let out a breath that sounded as if he’d been holding it in and he sank back down onto the wooden box with a careless thud.

“Ya aint gotta. I’ll help ya take off the first layer, get that shit outta ya hair n’ clean that scrape on the front of ya shoulder.”

She mulled it over, trying to see in her mind’s eye what the scene could look like. She thought back to when she’d dressed and what she’d selected as her under layer of clothing and if it was substantial enough to cover her most disliked parts. It wasn’t, but he did have a point. Making her shoulder worse was not an option when she had hunting to do, supply runs to join and training to commit to. She hadn’t lied to him; she did trust him and that trust was about to be put to the test.

“I aint gonna touch ya like that. I promise.” He suddenly said from nowhere. Jess’s face hardened and he pointed at him with her good arm.

“No!” She snapped “You are _not_ to say things like that, remember?! I know you wouldn’t do that.”

He rubbed at his face, clearing some of the dirt that had dried there and leaving a single, large smudge across his left cheek.

“Then what are ya worried about?” He asked, receiving nothing but a dramatic sigh in response. It was the closest thing he’d had to an honest conversation addressing anything further than their friendship and although it made him highly uncomfortable, the topic was necessary. “I’ma be real straight with ya here; ya shouldn’t kiss me if ya aint comfortable around me”

_Not comfortable with him? I am. I am comfortable. Aren’t I? He’s the only person I can be me around. He’s the only one I’m a total dork with and he doesn’t judge me for it. He’s the one I kiss. He’s the one I fell for. I am comfortable with him, I’m just not comfortable with him thinking less of me because I’m not perfect. I’m just… me._

“Oh, shut up. I’m _only_ comfortable with you. You’re like the sweatpants of my life” She scoffed. “Okay, fine. Let’s do this. There’s water in the back. The stove works, we can boil it.”

He nodded and leaned down to her, wrapping his arms around her ribs and lifting her to her feet. In the back of the diner, the kitchen area was vast and filled with shiny, metal surfaces that had obviously been cleaned by a house-proud Jess. The air was cold and Daryl made a mental note that his task was going to have to be performed swiftly as well as accurately to avoid her freezing half to death.

She stood silently in front of him as he set a large pot of water on the stove and switched it on. Both lips were sucked into her mouth and she felt dread in every part of her body and her fingers frantically drummed on her thigh. He turned to her, seemingly unbothered by the unusual nature of the situation and unbuckled her belt. He then popped the button on her pants and lowered the zip. Moving to her jacket next, he peeled it from her shoulders, she winced and cried out in pain when she had to remove her arm from the sleeve and backed away, shaking her head and catching her breath. Daryl let her be and could see from her screwed up face that she needed a minute to ride out the wave of pain. He didn’t expect it, but she soon came back to him, readying herself mentally for the removal of what was the key layer of clothing. He avoided her gaze while he lifted her vest top from her torso, over her uninjured side first and discarding it on the counter. Her top half was now only covered by a thin, spaghetti strapped, black top and a sports bra with straps that were now stained with dirt. Her skin was cold and boasting goosepimples already and a shiver shook down her spine.

Daryl slipped his index fingers into the waistband of her pants at her hips and pulled them down. She gingerly stepped out of them and felt her skin flare from the cold exposure as she stood there in her black panties with her head turned away from him. He didn’t ogle her, didn’t let his eyes linger for too long or on one spot, nor did he treat her with anything other than respect and dignity.

“C’mon.” He uttered, taking her hand and guiding her further into the diners kitchen, closer to the pot of hot water and the sink. In his pocket, he carried the ripped shirt she had told him off for ruining. He paid it no mind, confident that she would get over it quickly enough when she got to wear it as a sling.

When he switched the stove off just before boiling point, Jess snatched up a sponge from the skink, dunked into the water and began a valiant attempt to clean herself off with her good arm. But Daryl put an abrupt stop to it by clamping his hand around her wrist and halting her.

“No. Let me. The less ya move the better.” He expressed.

Taking the sponge from her grasp, he took a deep breath to quell his own nerves. Nerves he hadn’t expected to feel but that were there nonetheless. On the inside, his head was jumbled with thoughts but on the outside, he was calm and collected.

_She’s nervous as a turkey at thanksgivin’. But she trusted you with this and that’s a big deal so don’t fuck it up. Don’t look at her too long. She's pretty as all get out but you aint no creep._

He ran the sponge along her arms and across her neck and lessened the pressure when cleaning the grit from the angry scrape along her collarbone and shoulder. Jess said nothing but he could hear her shaky breathing as if it were broadcast through a megaphone.

“Ya covered in it.” He muttered.

Mud had entered her jacket through her neckline and her throat was encrusted before Daryl rid her of it and paused his work. Not giving her a choice, he moved closer, wrapped his arms around her middle and hoisted her into the air as if she weighed nothing. She gasped at the action but conceded, allowing him enough trust to do as he needed.

“Lean back a little?” he asked.

She used her stronger arm to anchor herself and did as she was asked, dangling her hair over the sink. Dunking the sponge back into the water, he squeezed it over her hair and watched as the mud turned everything a murky colour, leaving a residue in the sink behind her. She couldn’t help but hold her breath when he ran his fingers through her hair and massaged her scalp and if she wasn’t half dressed and vulnerable, she would have wanted the sensation to last a lot longer. His touch was soothing and she wanted to sigh in delight, to revel in the moment but her lack of clothing and the ache in her bones stifled her enjoyment.

Moving in front of her, he wiped mud from her hairline and she involuntarily caught his eye. Unable to tear her vision away, she realised that he too was paralysed and stuck staring at her. He swallowed hard and his lower lip quivered subtly. After having shown so much trust and allowing herself to be looked after while being so vulnerable, Daryl could not quite believe how far their friendship had progressed, or if it even was a friendship anymore. Maybe it was stuck somewhere in-between because the look in her eyes told of her unwavering faith in him and that made his stomach flutter and his heart race and he was sure that he had never and would never feel something so strong with anyone else.

_You got beautiful eyes, girl._

A small flinch from Daryl broke the atmosphere and he continued with his mission, soon clearing her hair and skin of mud and helping her dress in warm, clean clothing. She’d snorted with laughter when he delicately positioned her arm into the tied up Bucky Barnes shirt and immediately forgave him for butchering one of her T-shirts.

“Thank you” She whispered at him as he adjusted her sling.

“Stop.” He grumbled.

She didn’t need to ask him to stay that night, a knowing stare was all it took to transfer the message that he didn’t want to leave her and she needed a night without the possibility of a nightmare in order to get some decent rest for her recovery. He arranged her pillows and helped her to settle into a position she was unlikely to move from and sat up beside her, not drifting off himself until he was certain she’d slipped into a deep sleep.

In the middle of the night she whimpered and his eyes snapped open. Unable to move her, he chose the next best option which was to shift closer and onto his side, his body flush with hers and his lips next to her ear on the pillow. His fingers found hers at her side and her restlessness began to subside.

“You’re safe with me. I got you. Always.”


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again, massive thanks for all the comments and love! We are delighted everyone is still enjoying this.  
> Apologies for the delay in posting this new one.

Three weeks was a long time for Jess when her movement was severely restricted and everything that she did had to be managed with one arm while she became almost fanatical about doing physio exercises to coax her shoulder back to its original strength. Daryl had become her shadow, only leaving her for a couple of hours at a time and it was becoming very evident to her that his continual presence was beginning to grate on her nerves as well as convincing her that she was a huge burden on his life. She knew he was doing it because he cared, because he didn’t want to see her injure herself further and also because she’d heard him mutter to himself that it was all his fault in the first place. At any other time, Jess would have been ecstatic to be able to spend so much time with him but guilt was playing a huge part in Daryl’s actions and she couldn’t stand the thought of him blaming himself for what was essentially, an accident. She had tried and failed to get him to at least go back to Alexandria during the daytimes, but he wouldn’t hear of it, telling her that he didn’t trust her not to push herself too far. She didn’t argue. He had a point.

During the evenings spent at the diner, they often went about their own business without the need to fill the silence with chatter. She would journal, spending her time doodling over writing the long paragraphs that harked back to her past. Daryl would carve arrows or make fishing weights while she witnessed how good he was with his hands from the other side of the room. Occasionally, they would indulge in fiercely competitive card games or would simply sit back and play ‘never have I ever’ with the short supply of orange juice that was rationed from Alexandria. It was a game that set Jess’s teeth on edge for fear of being asked something so personal that she may feel the need to lie. But it never happened and for that, she was grateful.

The nights were as peaceful as they could be, with only the twinges of discomfort in her arm that made her flinch awake. As long as Daryl was there, her nightmares stayed locked behind the barrier he’d created between her reality and that of her trauma. He slept beside her, keeping a small distance between them unless she worked her way into it and ended up flush against his body with her face buried in his arm. He didn’t stop her or dare try to move her, such a small and seemingly common situation for anyone else meaning so much more to him that it calmed his inner chaos as much as it did hers.

She wouldn’t have called it arguing as much, but being in such close proximity all the time meant that it was inevitable that they would discover things about one another that caused friction. But their frayed tempers never crossed the line into full-on conflict and Daryl had to admit that he sometimes liked digging at her and watching her irritation towards him. He would deliberately poke fun at her or use her need to be a stickler for organisation against her by putting her books back in the wrong order, revelling in watching her jut her lower lip out and giving him daggers for even touching them. She was easy to wind up because he knew, after so long, exactly what buttons to push. Although it was highly amusing, it wasn’t a patch on seeing her blush.

Jess wasn’t one to let deliberate teasing slide though and her retaliation to Daryl’s incessant mockery was to hit him with the one thing he couldn’t stand; someone telling him how to do something. Her need to continue training, albeit gently gave her the perfect opportunity to throw pointless comments at him.

“A bird could swoop down and rip that thing right off if you don’t put your tongue away when you aim.” She would quip from the side lines of her training ground. His jaw tightened and his face turned stony but still, she persisted.

“Keep your fingers still on that knife handle. Dang. It’s not a frickin’ accordian.”

Quite clearly, he was discovering that he wasn’t the only one to get enjoyment out of merciless tomfoolery and maybe, just maybe, he’d met his match.

Yes, three weeks was a long time for Jess. Especially when Daryl made no further attempts to kiss her and as a result, lured her into a headspace in which she’d convinced herself that the whole thing had been a lapse of judgement. That he really did just want to be her friend and nothing more. The worst part was the voice in the back of her mind that prodded at her self-esteem, goading her into believing that it was because he’d seen her with hardly any clothes on and so, the sight of her curvaceous shape and awkward conduct had turned him off completely. But she still caught him staring at her. An act that she was not completely innocent of herself and she wished and wished that it meant he was building up to making a move that, to her sadness, never happened.

At the end of the third week they trudged through the searing hot woods towards Alexandria. Everywhere she looked, Jess could almost see the heat rising in blurry waves all around them, as thought they were walking through a mirage that the canopy of trees overhead did little to stifle. She talked mindlessly, paying little attention to the words that came from her mouth, her focus mainly being on her destination and how she would get there without boiling to death in the heat.

“You don’t have to stay with me anymore y’know. I’m fine. It’s been three weeks. If my arm was going to fall off, I’m pretty sure it would have happened by now.”

The crackling of twigs under boots and the swishing of fabric was all of a sudden a lot quieter than before and she smoothed a palm across her forehead and glanced to her side to find Daryl’s eyes firmly locked on hers.

“What is it?” She asked.

He said nothing and to her surprise, stopped walking, sighing deeply and regarding her as if she were some kind of troublesome issue in his life that he didn’t quite know how to handle. His eyes drifted away briefly, only to fall back to her and his hand clutched the strap of his crossbow at his shoulder. His fingers toyed with the frayed fabric and Jess started to feel uncomfortable when he stepped towards her, only to rethink it and step back again.

“Are you okay? What is it?” She pressed, knowing that if Daryl stopped in his tracks in the middle of the woods on a terribly hot day and said nothing, it meant that something was bothering him.

“Nothin’. It’s nothin’.” He grumbled before pushing past her and resuming his path along the dusty woodland floor. Jess flapped her hands by her sides in frustration and broke into a jog. Nearing him, she flung a hand out and slapped it across the left wing of his leather vest. He halted and before he could worm his way out, she skirted around him and defiantly blocked his path.

“Tell me.” She demanded.

She saw his throat ripple from a hard swallow and his eyes narrow in annoyance at being forced to speak when he’d opted not to.

“Told ya. S’nothin’.” He rasped. A response was not needed from Jess, she merely raised one eyebrow in disapproval and rested her hands on her hips. He evaluated the look in her eyes; stubbornness combined with concern.

“Fine” He conceded.

_Just say it. Tell her you like staying with her and you don’t want to go back to Alexandria._

“I like…bein’ ‘round you.”

She flinched slightly at his comment, her eyes fluttering as she tried to decipher what he was getting at. Was it as simple as he said, or was there more to it?

“I like being around you too.” She replied.

The truth was, he’d been practically living with her for three weeks but he missed her desperately. He missed her kisses and the way she nuzzled at him and closed her eyes. He missed hearing her breathing change when his lips met hers and the way she held onto him like he might disappear. But hurting her was not an option and if he got too close, closer than he was at that point, the risk was too great. He would only have to step away to protect her from his perceived lack of anything to offer in a romantic capacity.

“I’ll tell Rick I’m comin’ back tonight.” He mumbled, lunging out to the side and storming past her.

“No, Daryl-Daryl, I didn’t meant that you had to go right away, or that you have to go at all. I just thought you might be real tired of me by now.”

He stopped and whirled around, striding up to her and stopping inches from her face. To the outside observer, it appeared like the start of a fight because of the shallow breaths from his nose and the angry vibe that surrounded him. Jess blinked in surprise but didn’t back off, holding her ground and bracing herself for an argument. His mind was jumbled, loud and busy and all he was able to do at that point was act on his impulses.

“I aint never gonna get tired of you.” He growled at her.

Her mouth opened slowly and she blinked again as she tried to muster the courage to question if there was any truth to his statement if he never kissed her anymore but before she could even think straight, he’d spun back around and had vanished into the trees. All that remained was the faint odour of leather that lingered in her nose and made her wish that she could have the chance to smell the leathery, smoky fragrance of Daryl around her all the time, permanently and without having to question if she was good enough to ever feel the same love that she had for him.

* * *

When he arrived at Alexandria, Jess had followed on around five minutes behind him. Careful to allow him his space to simmer down from whatever had triggered his unpredictable mood. The streets were busy with people filtering out of their homes and setting off to their various jobs and Daryl sauntered along the sidewalk, aiming for the Grimes house when he was forced to stop by Glenn and Maggie, wrapped in an embrace in the middle of the sidewalk.

Glenn, who was playfully peppering Maggie’s cheek with kisses, held her close to his armour-clad body. Going on supply runs meant that he made sure to say a proper goodbye to Maggie. No one could ever be sure they would return from outside the walls but it was preferable not to mention such an unwanted outcome. Instead, enthusiastic farewells were the preferable option and Glenn and Maggie were unashamedly proficient at it.

“Wanna pour some bisquick when I get back?” Glenn hushed at her.

 _Someone’s been talkin’ to Abe._ Daryl thought.

Maggie shot him a confused look and placed a finger over his lips, silencing him from repeating any more of Abrahams crude sexual references. Daryl squirmed with anxiety and lowered his gaze as he approached the very public display of affection.

“You two ever put each other down?” He remarked, digging around in his vest pocket for his cigarettes.

Glenn turned to him with a wide grin on his face and Maggie stepped back in a haze, linking her fingers with his and holding onto his hand with both of hers.

“Happy wife, happy life.” She chuckled

“Maybe you should try it one day.” Glenn suggested with a slight squint against the sun.

Maggie giggled and gently slapped him on the forearm when she saw Daryl scoff and awkwardly shake his head. He didn’t know anything about romance, and realised that by making a careless, throwaway comment, he had somehow entered himself into the second conversation of the morning that he would rather not have.

“Don’t think so” Daryl mumbled, feeling his face turn warm as Jess wandered past on the other side of the street. He saw her do a small double take in the direction of the laughter from Maggie and Glenn and he deliberately averted his gaze, wary that she could be upset with him after his out of the blue admission in the woods. He hoped that they wouldn’t have to concern themselves with the discomfort of a discussion on the topic, but Daryl was learning that while he was just fine with burying his head in the sand, Jess sought answers and so far, he’d managed to avoid the elephant in the room. But now the elephants days were numbered.

Glenn turned back to Maggie, tenderly kissing her goodbye and whispering that he loved her. When she left him to cross the street, he sighed happily as he and Daryl watched her join Jess in the pantry doorway. The click of a lighter and the scent of smoke snapped Glenn from his blissful vigil and he glanced to his side at Daryl, who’s vision was planted firmly on Jess as she explained in dramatic detail about how she’d injured her shoulder.

“Not seen you in a while, man.” Glenn pointed out. He’d spotted the top of a crossbow swaying against the light of the horizon from the tower and seen Rick exchange a few words with Daryl at the gate but they were the only two occasions in over two weeks that he could recall seeing Daryl inside the walls.

“Mm?” Daryl grunted, still keeping an eye on Jess. She was circling a hand over her weakened shoulder and motioning to the joint, a gesture which told Daryl that she was relaying the re-setting of the bones.

“Where have you been, Daryl?”

“Oh. Uh. Stayin’ with her.” Was his short response, coupled with a head nudged up in her direction as he exhaled smoke through his nose. “Dislocated her damn shoulder.”

“That’s rough. She alright?” He enquired.

“She’s too stubborn not to be.” He muttered to himself, shifting his weight and sensing that Glenn’s questioning was not quite finished.

“You guys seem… close.” He commented in a deliberately nonchalant tone. It was no secret to anyone that Jess and Daryl had grown close. Conversations were had behind closed doors and speculation was starting to increase among the group. Only a few had been brave enough to broach the subject with Daryl, who was notoriously a lone wolf with a short temper and all but Carol had been firmly ignored. Now, it was Glenn’s turn after he picked up on the strange atmosphere and ramblings of Jess in the room of Records during their residential supply run.

“Not you too. Don’t start with this shit, Glenn” Daryl sighed “You and Abe been sittin’ on the front porch gossipin’ like a couple old biddies drinkin’ tea after church?”

“What? No. Of course not.” Glenn quickly dismissed, covering up the fact that he had indeed spoken to Abraham about Daryl and Jess on more than one occasion before realising that lying to Daryl was not a wise move. “I mean, we might have mentioned you guys once or twice.”

“Aint nothin’ to talk about.” Daryl confirmed.

“C’mon, I noticed the weird atmosphere in that record room when we went on that run. You seriously telling me there’s nothing going on between you guys?”

Daryl took a long drag of his smoke and caught eye contact with Jess when Maggie left her to walk into the pantry. She gingerly held up a hand in acknowledgement to him. He mirrored her motion, seeing Glenn wave back eagerly from his peripheral vision. Guilt stung his heart for the untoward way he’d spoken to her in the woods. He was becoming more and more aware that his actions when he was around her were growing more erratic as his feelings for her spiralled into something strong and something that he was facing for the first time in his life.

“She’s fuckin’ awesome. We’re friends.” He finally answered. “Drop it.”

“Okay, man. That’s cool.” Glenn agreed, accepting Daryl’s veiled warning to leave the subject alone. “But y’know, If the walkers have taught me anything, it’s that life is short. There really shouldn’t be anything holding people back from relationships at this point. I mean, if someone had told me when I was still delivering pizzas and playing video games that I’d end up with someone as amazing as Maggie, I’d have laughed in their face. I guess this new life has a way of changing people and how they see you.”

Daryl flicked his cigarette end into the street and looked at Glenn with a baffled expression. Glenn wasn’t the only person to drop hints about his relationship with Jess. He’d faced it from Carol, Carl, Abraham and Rick and was beginning to question why everyone else seemed to be able to understand what he wanted more than he did. If he had his way, he and Jess would be together, outside the walls and away from the chatter and gossip. If he had his way, he would be the man she deserved and would be able to give her the kind of relationship she wanted. But he did not have his way, all he had was the memories of his past, the mistakes he’d made and the constant reminder that he wanted so much more for her. He couldn’t deny that Glenn had a point, people had changed and he’d witnessed it with his own eyes. But to him, he’d remained the same. Unworthy, clueless and not able to make her as happy as he wanted her to be. Such a topic was not favourable to Daryl and especially not out in the open. He huffed incredulously and refused to mimic Glenn’s small and genuine smile.

“What are you, Oprah now or somethin?” He questioned.

“You said you’re friends. You didn’t say you weren’t anything else.” Glenn shrugged as he took a quick glance at Jess.

“Get outta here n’ mind ya damn business” Daryl grumbled with burning cheeks and the urge to move and place himself somewhere he wouldn’t be forced to face the reality of his situation. He stepped off the sidewalk and into the road, picking back up on the path towards The Grimes house and leaving Glenn smirking behind him.

* * *

Inside the house, Carol was reclined on the couch thumbing through a book she’d picked up from the thrown-together library inside the church. It was a romance novel, typical of her taste and laden with enough cliches and dramatics to transport her into the pages and the realm of escapism that she needed from the harsh and ruthless world.

She sipped on cold glass of water, grateful for the use of a working tap and never again planning on taking it for granted. On the coffee table, her knife rested, glinting in the sunlight from the window and rarely further than an arms length away from her grasp. She knew they couldn’t be too careful, especially after the town had been compromised in such a bad way. Always being prepared was key for Carol and she had no intentions to be caught off guard any more.

Hearing the front door open, she sighed and resigned herself to the idea that her reading time would be short lived unless she either locked the door or retreated to her bedroom. Footsteps clunked across the wooden flooring and stopped in the doorway. Carol sat up, craning her neck to see behind the couch and finding Daryl leaned against the doorframe and fiddling with the leather holster of his knife which hung from his belt. His fingers plucked at the metal popper around the handle, snapping it closed and then open again, over and over. Carol raised her eyebrows at him as she climbed up from the couch and dropped her book on the arm.

“He lives!” she proclaimed. “I take it you’ve been staying with your girl.”

“She aint my girl.” He corrected quickly. In one way, she was his girl. His best friend. The only person he truly trusted with anything. But in another way, she was far from his girl and he wished, deep down in his heart that it wasn’t the case.

“Maybe not yet.” Carol muttered time herself as she picked up her glass of water and padded past him. She crossed the hall and entered the kitchen, her boots scuffing along the floor as she lazily dragged her feet.

“Give me a damn break, Carol.” Daryl complained while following after her. “ What the hell is wrong with everybody, anyways? I just had all this from Glenn. Can’t walk through the damn gate without somebody firing questions at me.”

She held her hands up in surrender and selected a mug from the cupboard. From the coffee pot, the poured the dark, steaming liquid into the mug and handed it to him. He watched her as she shuffled past him and settled on a stool at the kitchen island. He sipped the drink, almost able to feel the caffeine enter his veins, lighting up his body with energy. He turned, leaving the island and stalked over to the window, moving the drapes and keeping his eyes on Jess as she talked animatedly to Abraham and laughed happily.

Carol reached across the countertop and dragged a small, wicker box and a jacket towards her. She opened up the box and took out a sewing needle and black thread, effortlessly threading the needle and setting to work sewing up a hole in the seam of Ricks, fur-collared jacket. Her eyes moved up to Daryl intermittently and it became obvious what had garnered his attention through the window. Daryl was a quiet soul by all accounts, never one for rambling or mindless chit chat, but he did speak to Carol more than most and on that particular morning, he was quieter than ever. As the seconds ticked by and the hole in the jackets seam shrunk as a result of Carol’s sewing skill, he lingered by the window, slowly sipping his coffee with a blank expression.

“You okay? You’re normally quiet but this is unsettling.” Carol mentioned.

He briefly looked at her. A fleeting, split second glance over his shoulder.

“M’fine.”

He wasn’t fine, Carol could sense it. Call it woman’s intuition or just a vast knowledge of the complexities of Daryl’s character, but she knew that he was far from okay. He was preoccupied, pensive and somewhat deflated.

“You can tell me.” She reminded him in a blasé tone and turning her attention back to her sewing. She knotted the thread and tugged on the fabric either side of the stitches. It would hold fast and Rick would not have to lose the collar of his jacket. Satisfied with her efforts, she tidied away the needle and thread back into the box and folded the garment..

“I know.” Daryl responded softy. He knew Carol would always be there for him as someone to lean on and someone that understood him. Aside from Jess, she was the closest person to him and had shown him the importance of acknowledging his emotions.

“How is her shoulder?” She asked.

“Almost healed.” He grunted, lifting a hand and pushing the blind apart with his fingers to create a hole in which he could get a better view of Jess.

“So, why are you watching her as if she will shatter into a million pieces?” Carol questioned, now staring right at him with a stern expression. Daryl did a small double-take at her and suddenly felt exposed and caught out.

“I aint” He mumbled, moving away from the window and sitting down opposite her.

She waited patiently for him to speak, knowing it would happen sooner of later. She could almost see the load on his mind weighing him down. He fidgeted in his seat and sipped his coffee again before biting his lip.

“I dunno what the hell I’m doin’.” He admitted. They locked eyes and he could tell that she was full of sympathy and concern at his sad and overwhelmed voice. He was opening up and she adopted a calm and still presence so as not to scare him back into his silence.

“Can fight, can hunt, can tell good folks from bad ones.” He started. He was looking right at her, a desperate hope that she could follow what he was saying. “Can’t fuckin’ figure out what the hell is goin’ on in my own damn head.”

Carol pursed her lips and tilted her head to the side, lightly patting his hand which rested on the countertop.

“You have to ask yourself what it is that you really want.” She advised.

Daryl shifted and cleared his throat before rubbing at his eyes and growling low in his throat with frustration.

“Y’know what? Just forget I said anythin’.”

His walls were going back up and Carol felt momentarily powerless to stop them for fear of angering him, but she couldn’t abandon hope altogether and decided to shove aside her reservations and continue trying to extract the truth.

“What do you want, Daryl?” She asked directly.

Finding himself backed into a corner and unable to figure out a way to escape such a straight question, his eyes locked with hers. He knew better than to think she would announce anything he told her from the rooftops. His trust in her was unwavering, but discussing such a topic had never been on his radar before and confessing such a personal and real truth made his palms sweat and his chest hum with nerves. He knew exactly what he wanted and it had taken a fight in his own head to come to that conclusion. Admitting it out loud was a new battle altogether.

“Her.” He whispered “I want her.”

Once again, Carol reached out and touched his hand, covering it with her fingers and smiling warmly at him. In his life, Daryl had never experienced the comforting assurance of a good friend, let alone a female and he felt as though he’d reached a turning point by answering her question at all, let alone with something so private. He never remembered enough about his own mother to know if she was as caring and invested in his happiness as Carol was. But Merle had given him the impression that delivering bottles of wine to her bed was the about the extent of their relationship. He wondered if this was what he’d been missing out on for so many years, if he would have found his teenage years and time following his brother like a sheep any easier if he’d been encourage to express himself in ways other than violence and mischief.

“You need to tell her” She urged, keeping her hand where it was and giving it a slight squeeze. He looked down at where their hands connected and closed his eyes for a moment. A myriad of flashbacks flickered though his memory. Drinking, drugs, robberies, fights, arrests. The abuse. The tormenting, harrowing, haunting abuse. The scars. It was out of the question; he could never tell her.

“I can’t.” He croaked.

“Why not?” She pressed with short disbelieving huff.

“It’s complicated.” He told her. He took his hand away and let out a long exhalation.

“You think she doesn’t like you that way?”

He caught her eye again, unsure whether to proceed in telling her that he was well aware of Jess’s interest in him and that no matter how much she liked him, he was unwaveringly sure that he would only end up hurting her. He didn’t know how to be with someone in that way, didn’t know how to be one half of a whole and above all else, when he faced his deepest thoughts, he couldn’t even say that he believed in love at all. But Carol was staring at him with pleading eyes, desperate for him to just say what he was thinking and he’d got that far, it didn’t make sense for him to give up now.

“She likes me.” He disclosed “I uh… I know she likes me”

“She told you that?” She queried quickly and trying not to sound too surprised. It wasn’t a secret to Carol that Jess’s affection for Daryl far surpassed that of a friendship, but to hear him say it filled her heart with joy at the prospect of some actual potential.

“Overheard her talkin’ to Aaron.” He said.

Carol grinned unashamedly. There it was, finally. “I can’t say I’m surprised. It’s obvious you’re her favourite thing.” She beamed.

“Nah, she’s lost her mind. She shouldn’t like me.” He dismissed.

“Daryl, the only thing that matters is that you’re both happy when you’re together. She’s changed you. Brought you out of your shell. We wouldn’t be having this conversation if she hadn’t managed to knock down a couple of those walls you put up to stop anybody getting close to you.” She explained with a strong confidence that what she was telling him was right and that he needed to hear it.

He nervously scratched at the back of his neck. “I cant do this stuff, Carol. Women. This ‘feelings’ bullshit.”

“Just be honest with her. That’s all you need to do.” She reiterated.

“I want…” he rasped before pausing to stand up, signalling that he was more or less done with the conversation. “...I just want better for her.”

“Better? What do you mean, better?” She challenged.

His chin quivered as he chewed his bottom lip and tapped a finger on the counter a few times, pondering over how difficult it felt to express something so personal.

“Better than me.” He uttered.

Carol also stood up, placing her hand flat on the countertop in front of her and leaning closer to him. She’d had enough, she certainly didn’t see him as not good enough for anyone and he was going to listen to her if he liked what she had to say or not.

“Listen to me. You’re a good man. You’re just as good as Rick and Glenn and Abraham and anybody else. Just as good. You’re not who you were.” She affirmed with a reasonably loud thud of her hand every time the word ‘good’ left her lips.

“Maybe. Maybe not.” He shrugged.

She squeezed her eyes shut, willing her frustration to stay below the surface and drew in a deep breath.

“We all bleed the same colour, Daryl. You have her blood in your veins, pumping through your heart. She is a part of you.” She continued. She opened her mouth to speak again but stopped when she noticed Daryl’s confused expression.

“What?” He questioned, baffled by her comments. “What are ya talkin’ ‘bout?”

“When she gave you blood to save your life. After that bastard shot you.” She reminded him.

He blinked in surprise and his eyes searched her face for any hint that it might be a twisted joke or her information was incorrect. But she stood firm and not a single thing about her demeanour told him that what he’d just heard was untrue.

“When she did _what?_ ” He asked.

Carol recoiled, taking a step back and bringing a hand to her mouth as if to stop herself from disclosing anything else that he didn’t know.

“I thought you knew. I thought she told you. I thought everybody knew. How did you not know?” she rambled.

“She aint told me nothin’. What the fuck?” he demanded, his face now fixed into a look of pure shock and bewilderment.

“Ah. Okay. Um.” She stuttered before shaking her head quickly and trying to gather her thoughts. She could only guess that there was a reason Jess had not mentioned it to him and began to fret that she’d opened a can of worms that Jess was trying to keep closed. “You almost bled to death. Denise and Rick…they didn’t know your blood type. Jess said she was O negative, compatible with most blood types. So, she donated blood to you until she almost passed out. She saved your life.”

Daryl’s mouth dropped open and he slowly moved back, away from the counter until his back thudded against the wall behind him. He smoothed a hand down his face and searched the floor with his eyes while his mind cast back to the days after he’d been shot, to all the opportunities she had to tell him, but didn’t. It was something he’d wanted to know, something he needed to know and he just couldn’t fathom why she would want to keep such an important thing to herself. He began to regret being so dismissive of Denise too, ruling out any opportunities for her to disclose what had transpired while he was unconscious. His body filled with dread; why did jess keep it from him?

“She never told me” He sighed.

Carol rounded the Kitchen island and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. She gave it a slight squeeze and caught his eye, forcing him to lift his dipped head and witness her broad smile.

“Now you know how important you are to her.”

* * *

The fairground grass was getting long enough to obscure Jess’s feet and knees when she waded through it while checking her fences. The calming sway of the green blades in the breeze and the soft rustling as she meandered through the open spaces was one of the more favoured parts of her day. The chance to take stock of the little things. If it wasn’t for the pestering of the odd Walker pressing it’s self into the diamond shaped fencing and dropping coagulated blood onto the metal barrier, she would have thought it wasn’t far from a normal, perfect, summers day. She clunked her knife along the metal as she walked, sending a loud, abrasive sound travelling along the chain link and alerting the attention of two Walkers ahead. They paused their swaying and wheezing for a moment, like dogs caught by a high-pitched noise and soon, they were trundling towards her and reaching out at their unfazed and well, equipped prey. Jess positioned herself close to the fence, wincing in disgust when the two undead threw themselves at her. Skin ripped and rotting, a putrid odour and a deep, bubbling of mucus and blood in their chests. With her knife, she used the diamond gaps to eliminate the threats. One through the eye and the other through an already pre-existing hole in the side of its skull. They dropped to the ground, one slumping over the other and Jess backed away, sheathing her knife and making her way to the Ferris wheel.

The twinges in her shoulder were less persistent and the dull ache that had initially made her nauseous was now a thing of the past. Thanks to Daryl’s much loathed physio book and his watchful eye, she had made a decent enough recovery to be able to look after her own property again. But she was yet to be faced with a situation that meant her muscles and tendons were put under strain and she hoped that until she could build her strength back up, she wouldn’t have to be.

She flicked through her book with her legs outstretched and her back popped up against the control box to the Ferris wheel. The sun beat down on her head, warming her scalp and threatening to burn her nose, but she enjoyed it, basking in the warm glow of the sun and locating the folded, bookmarked page in her novel. She was disturbed when the bell rang at the gate and swung her legs from the platform. She trudged through the grass and to the path, raising a hand and waving at Daryl on the other side of the gate.

The hinges creaked loudly with the movement as she tugged the gate open and let Daryl inside. He appeared nervous and uncomfortable, with his hands firmly clamped around the strap of his crossbow at his shoulder. She clanked the gate shut and secured the lock, noticing immediately that he didn’t seem to be quite himself.

“You got a minute?” He requested.

“For you?”

“Mmhmm”

“I always have several minutes for you.” She chirped with a shrug of one shoulder. She paced over to the Ferris Wheel and he followed along behind her until she halted and turned back to him. He noted her casual attire; a T-shirt, jeans and a hoodie. She wasn’t planning on leaving her compound and that, Daryl considered, meant he’d chosen a good time to address a tricky subject. A long and heavy pause meant that her eyes widened in expectation and she pushed her lips into a thin line. His boot tapped on the gravel and his vision scanned the ground. He hoped she couldn’t see him summoning the courage to talk but he felt more exposed and readable than he’d ever felt before.

“Think we should talk.” He rasped.

She almost missed it. A rare, hushed and surprising comment that she’d not heard from Daryl before and as the words echoed in her head, her heart started to race and her body was suddenly awash with nerves.

“Oh… You-you do?” She asked without thinking.

For as long as she’d known him, he’d never been the one to request to talk to her in such a way and it was telling. Jumping to the first conclusion she created, she assumed something was very, very wrong.

“Sure. Are you okay?” She questioned. Her tone was upbeat but even she could her the slight tremor in her voice.

“Mmhm. Just… confused.”

“Why?”

“Things have been kinda weird between us.” He admitted, finally making eye contact and hoping that he could deliver his point without actually having to say the words. Words that he wasn’t even sure he could choose wisely anyway due to being so out of his depth, he was quite literally just winging it. Far from wanting to overwhelm the both of them with the disclosure that he now knew she’d sacrificed her own blood to save his life, he decided that one precarious topic was enough for one day and he would need time to think over the monumental and selfless act that she had committed to make sure that he still existed. “Think ya know what I’m getting’ at here.”

“I do?” She squeaked.

“The uh, the record room. In that house. What we did.” He dropped his hands and a whoosh of breath left his lungs and for the first time ever, Jess saw a flicker of fear on his face. “and the times before that.”

_Am I dreaming this? He’s actually bringing this up?! I thought I was going to have to take this uncertainty to the damn grave._

“Oh. Uh. Yeah.” She agreed as casually as possible but when her voice replayed back in her memory, she sounded more like she wanted to run away and hide from the reality of it all. She’d gone from desperately needing to know where she stood, to being terrified of how real discussing things made it feel.

“I guess we should try n’ figure this out.” Daryl suggested.

All at once, Jess remembered the past three weeks in which he had attended to her every need and practically wrapped her in an impenetrable, invisible safety blanket. But also, how he’d kept his distance. He’d held her hand and slept close to her, even let her snuggle against him every now and then but he had not made one, single attempt to kiss her again. She remembered waking next to him one morning, he was facing her with his cheek illuminated by the thin ray of light through the gap in the blacked-out window. He was sleeping peacefully with her hand enveloped in his and curled against the bare skin of his chest where the top of his shirt was unbuttoned. She fought with all her might not to lean down and kiss him awake. The fear of his rejection too great for her to act on her desire.

“But you haven’t kissed me in three weeks. I thought that was done.” She expressed.

_I am far from done with you, girl. I wish I never had to be._

“Was ‘cause of me that ya fucked up ya shoulder.” He replied “Thought I should leave ya be.”

“Oh.” She heaved in a jagged and nervous breath “I don’t blame you for my shoulder. Was my own stupid fault. I thought...” she stopped herself, reluctant to tell him the real reason she’d pinned on his inaction.

“You thought what?”

“It doesn’t matter.” She whispered, trying to brush it aside to avoid telling him the embarrassing truth. His expression changed and before she knew it, he was looking right at her face with pleading eyes, urging her to give him a break and work with him.

“C’mon, Jess. I’m tryin’ here. It _does_ matter.” He pleaded.

“You’re right” She agreed with a nod. “I thought you stopped kissing me because you… because you didn’t like what you saw that evening. The shoulder thing. The clean-up. You, cleaning me up.”

 _Ugh._ She thought. _This is embarrassing._

He closed his eyes and sighed, horrified that she would believe such a thing. He wanted to tell her that his priority that day was her recovery, that he wasn’t using it as a chance to ogle her or treat her like she was an object and that if anything, despite his valiant attempt to remain detached from any kind of sexual feelings towards her, he would be lying if he said he didn’t think she was the prettiest thing he’d ever seen.

“That ain’t true.” He replied quietly but sincerely. “Hell, I wouldn’t- I don’t… uh…that ain’t true, at all. Alright? I don’t want ya to think that. M’sorry ‘bout this mornin’ too. How I was… in the woods. You were talkin’ bout me not havin’ to stay with ya no more n’ I guess I just- I just didn’t like the sound of that. It’s been good, bein’ so… close… to you.”

_Well, I’ll be a bitch. He doesn’t find me repulsive? He likes being close…to me? No, the guy has definitely hit his head or eaten some questionable mushrooms._

Jess was floored and had evidently lost control of her facial features and her expression. She thought she probably looked a little like a startled rabbit but cared little for such a triviality when she’d been given the precious gift of Daryl’s rare and weighty honesty.

“I didn’t mean I wanted you to leave. I don’t. I don’t want that.” She assured him. The last thing she’d wanted was for him to leave and her comments had been born mainly from worrying that he was getting tired of her and needed his own space.

“Ahh fuck.” He cursed to himself. “I’m not good at this shit.”

“Makes two of us” She smiled.

He risked moving closer to her. Close enough to graze her fingers at her side with his. His touch didn’t linger but the sensation did and her skin sparkled with the want for more. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, took a deep breath and released it.

“Kinda miss ya” he confessed.

Jess’s eyebrows pinched together and she narrowed her eyes. He’d been with her for a large proportion of the time for three weeks. How on earth could be possibly miss her?

“I’m right here.” She chuckled nervously “You’ve been living with me for three weeks, dummy. I don’t understand.”

Moving closer still and with the echo of her shy laugh in his head he brushed her hair back from her shoulder before gently feeling over her cheek with his fingertips.

Daryl knew he had to amp up his bravery and so far, the conversation had gone far better than he could have hoped. She had been receptive, non-judgemental and hadn’t flinched in annoyance at his difficulty with expressing himself. He trusted her beyond measure and in that moment, he was certain that he always would.

“Don’t mean like that” He told her, stopping short of spelling it out to her.

She didn’t need to question his statement; it was now obvious to her what he really meant and she felt herself melt at how gentle and forthright he’d been. He was treating her like a fragile, precious piece of glass that could crack at any moment but was his prized possession.

“It ain’t done. Whatever _it_ is. Not unless ya want it to be.” He confirmed.

“You scare me a little” She blurted out of nowhere. She couldn’t even pin point when the idea had entered her head.

“Why?”

_Because you’re everything to me. Because you’re smart and courageous and selfless. Because you’re a total fucking dreamboat. Because you’re gentle and caring. Because you know I’m a little weird and hang out with me anyway. Because you literally make me weak when you kiss me. Because I know you want to touch me and I really want to let you. Because I am so in love with you, Daryl._

“You make me feel something I haven’t felt before. You make me feel like it’s a good thing to be me.” She replied.

“It is, Jess.” He said with a small smile and a sparkle in his eye.

There she had it, he wasn’t horrified by what he saw the day she dislocated her shoulder, he didn’t find her annoying or a burden and he hadn’t changed his mind. He was telling her, in the only roundabout way he knew how, that he wanted to keep kissing her, if she would let him.

“I-I miss you too” She disclosed with a shaky voice.

He smiled briefly and his eyes fluttered as he leaned down to her, brushing his hand over the side of her face and bringing her lips to his. It was like the first sprinkling of rain during a drought, long awaited and needed. She heard him gasp when his lips left hers transiently and came back for more, with more pressure the second time around, more craving and a sense of built up anticipation that she could feel dispelling form his very being as he kept one hand on her face and slid the other under the elastic hem of her hoodie, spreading his hand out over her hip.

* * *

Branches and leaves whipped against Carl’s face as he sprinted through the woods, desperately hoping he was on the right path and telling himself that if he just kept running, he would eventually find what he was looking for. His chest was burning and his feet were pounding so hard on the uneven ground that they felt like they were made from cement. Sweat beaded on his forehead as he pressed on, running as fast as he could.

In the distance, he could see fencing and finally, his mind surged with relief and an involuntary whimper emerged from his lips. Finally, he’d reached his destination with his veins pumping with adrenaline and his nerves alight with panic. He surged forwards, racing towards the gate and catching his foot on a fallen branch. He stumbled but regained his footing and carried on until his body was slammed against the gate, creating a shockwave that rattled along the entirety of the fencing.

Inside the fence, he could see the dirty angel wings of Daryl’s back through the brightly coloured, chipping paint of the Ferris Wheel. In front of him, he could just about make out that Jess was standing in front of him. Close to him and neither of them were speaking. Carl squinted and laced his fingers into the metal grid of the fence.

“Guys?!” He called out “Jess? Daryl?”

Daryl pulled away from Jess’s lips, listening intently to what he thought was a voice on the wind but he’d been so wrapped up in what was becoming a moderately amorous tryst that he’d almost ignored the sound altogether.

“You hear that?” He asked Jess who was blinking up at him with reddened lips and in a complete daze.

“Hear what?” She croaked.

Daryl listened again, turning his head to the side and scanning the area. Although he saw nothing, his gut was telling him he was missing something and so, he waited a few more seconds.

“Guys! Help!” Carl yelled at the top of his voice, now slapping his hands on the fence. “She’s gone!”

Daryl turned to the gate, seeing Carl rattling the barrier and yelling at them. It was an automatic reaction that was without thought, but he grabbed Jess’s hand and yanked her along with him as he ran to the path and towards the panicked teenager.

“Carl? Who’s gone?” He called to him from a few feet away. Jess stumbled over her boots both from the surprise of Carls arrive and potentially being caught kissing Daryl and from her hand being clamped in his as he dragged her to the gate.

“Enid! They took her! They took her! I tried, I tried to follow them. They-they were too fast and there were too many. I-I couldn’t!” He babbled

“What?! Who?!” Jess demanded, now standing beside Daryl and still absent-mindedly holding his hand. Neither of them seemed to be aware that their hands were still entwined and it wasn’t until Jess’s palm grew warm that she glanced down and quickly tore her fingers from his grasp. A flash of worry crossed his features at his thoughtlessness and they both focused their attention on Carl.

“The men that attacked Alexandria. They-they looked like part of the same group. They took her. They just came out of nowhere. From the trees and took her. I-I couldn’t stop them” He explained.

“Oh my god.” Jess muttered worriedly under her breath. Noticing a red mark that was rapidly becoming darker on Carls cheekbone, signalling that he’d been hit. Her temper rapidly raged from the pit of her stomach and she grit her teeth and inhaled through her nose.

“Go tell Deanna.” Daryl told her before stepping closer to the gate and opening it up for Carl. “What way did they go?” He asked him.

“North, up to the highway, I’m not sure from there. I couldn’t keep up. I lost them. I tried, Daryl.”

His eyes filled with tears but Jess could tell he was managing to hold them back enough to stop them from spilling down his cheeks. Now wasn’t the time to cry, now was the time for action and Carl knew that more than any of the other teenager back at Alexandria. He’d been through more than them, endured things that such a young soul should never have to shoulder. Carl was resilient and brave and she knew then that her and Daryl had their work cut out in trying to convince him to stay behind while they went out to look for Enid.

“I know, man. I know you did everything you could. You did the right thing comin’ to get us.” Daryl cooed, resting a hand on his shoulder and shaking it slightly “Were they on foot?”

“At first” he nodded quickly “Then they got in a truck. They left tyre marks.”

“Alright. Jess, go tell Deanna.” He repeated, much to her annoyance.

“Uh…no?” She challenged “I’m going with you.”

“Are you fuckin’ crazy?” He stepped closer to her and turned her around with a hand on her arm to block Carl hearing him. “You forgotten what they are? What they did to you? What they do to women?”

Her dreams hadn’t let her forget. The persistent nightmares only kept at bay by the safety and comfort of Daryl’s presence. The sight of Aaron and Eric’s kitchen was a constant reminder, as was the scar on the back of her head which was still tender to the touch even then. She most definitely hadn’t forgotten and it was for that reason that she had to do everything in her power to rescue the troubled girl that wandered the woods from a fate worse than death.

“Not for a single second. But I've been looking out for that girl since I got here and I’m not about to abandon her now. So, I’m going with her if you say so or not.”

Daryl quickly took a glimpse at Carl who was nervously shifting his weight from one foot to the other but still managing to appear fascinated by the closeness of the two people in front of him.

“Jess…what they tried to do to you last time… I can’t let that happen to ya. I won’t.” He pressed. The thought of her being anywhere near the group that hurt her so badly and had intentions to subject her to worse filled his heart with a fraught sense of discomfort and he swore to himself on that day that if anyone was to try to hurt her again he would not hesitate to destroy them.

“So, don’t.” She shrugged, terrified at her own determination and sheer grit.

* * *

Jess volunteered to take Carl to Alexandria while Daryl began tracking the mass of scuffed footprints through the woods and up to the highway until Jess managed to spot him emerging from the trees between deep and obvious skidded tracks that led onto the road. She stopped the car and he climbed in, shooting her an unimpressed look at her determination to tag along. Jess hadn’t disclosed what had happened to anyone inside the walls, mainly due to lack of time and focusing on running through the gate, telling Carl to go home and sprinting to Deanna’s house in order to pick up some car keys. She found the house to be empty and so, helped herself before racing across the street to the armoury to collect two guns, jumping back into the truck and speeding away from the town.

With the windows wound down and her head full of horrendous possible outcomes, Jess struggled to listen to Daryl as he lay out his opinion on what route they should take while smoothing a map over the dash. After asking him to repeat himself twice, he simply told her to stay on the same road until he told her to change direction.

Hours seemed to pass but the light never dwindled and Jess could only conclude that it only felt like so much time had passed when really, they’d been on the road for no more than an hour. She tried to focus, tried to push aside her fretting over what could possibly befall Enid if they didn’t find her. Daryl was eagerly watching the road and the trees on either side for signs of a possible ambush, but as they pressed on, he noticed nothing untoward.

A noise from the back of the car soon stirred Jess from her anxious train of thought and she looked over at Daryl, who had evidently heard it too. He checked the backseat and the footwells and gave her a confused look. She shrugged and expressed that it was probably something rolling around in the trunk that she hadn’t bothered to check on they way out. She’d been in such a rush that all she could think about was obtaining a vehicle and weapons.

But then, it happened again. _Clunk._ _Clunk. Bump._ They both looked at each other again and Jess eased her foot off the accelerator.

“That aint nothin’ rollin around. That’s somethin’ movin’.” Daryl rasped as he leaned through the gap in the seats and turned his ear to the sound.

Without a warning, the rear seat hatch sprang open and smacked on the leather seat surface.

“WHAT THE?!” Daryl shouted as he flung himself backwards in shock, hitting the cars radio and filling the cab with loud country music. Jess, also startled by the out of the blue occurrence, gripped the steering wheel and used all her focus to bring the truck back under control after it was sent swerving from one side of the road to the other. Her hands scattered frantically over the small levers either side of the steering wheel and in her terror, she began to flick them up and down. The trucks indicators flashed and the windscreen wipers screeched across the dry glass. Johnny Cash blared from the speakers and if Jess wasn’t too busy trying to keep the vehicle under control at the same time and pushing her ear to her shoulder to muffle the music she would have been concerned with how many Walkers they were now attracting.

“Holy fuckin’ mackerel what is going on?! What is that?! Turn that shit down! Oh my god, my fucking ears! I’m going deaf!” Jess yelled.

Daryl scrambled about, hitting the radio over and over until the music finally stopped and he was able to turn back around to investigate the reason the hatch had slammed open and almost caused a crash. His eyes widened and his lips parted when he saw Carl hanging through the hatch, covered in sweat and gasping for air.

“You gotta be kidding me right now” He growled.

In the rear-view mirror, Jess stared in astonishment at the sight of Carl struggling to pull himself through the backseat.

“Is that-is that _Carl_?! Tell me that is _not_ Carl! Daryl?!” Jess screeched.

“It’s Carl.”

“It’s Carl?! What the fuck is Carl doing in the trunk?”

“How the hell do I know?!”

“The kid is in the fucking trunk, Daryl!”

“I know”

“The kid is in the trunk, it’s like a thousand degrees outside and the kid is in the trunk!”

“I know.”

“This cannot be happening! He’s in the fucking _trunk_! He could have died!”

“I FUCKING KNOW, JESS!” He bellowed at her, rendering her silent but still reeling from the idea that Rick’s son had most probably stowed away while she wasn’t looking, meaning they would all have some serious explaining to do once Rick found out. 

“C’mon” Daryl urged as he took hold of Carls gangly arms and hoisted him through the hatch. His sheriffs hat caught on the plastic clip of the hole and once he was upright on the seat, he reached inside to retrieve it, placing it on his head to cover his sweat soaked hair. His once white T-shirt was now a light shade of grey from the perspiration and his cheeks were burning red. His breathing was settling and he wound down the window beside him, saying nothing and appearing highly disturbed.

“Hooooooh buddy are you in a whole lotta trouble right now.” Jess chuckled in a sinister tone. She guided the car to the side of the road and hit the brakes. Jumping out from the drivers side , she slammed the door and sent a careless crash of a noise filtering through the trees. Daryl followed suit but didn’t bother to shut the door on his side, he figured Jess had just made enough noise for the both of them.

“Rick is gonna lose his marbles when he finds out you’re gone, Carl.” Daryl told him as he opened the backseat door. Carl swung his legs out but stayed where he was, the thought of standing in the sun being a lot less appealing that it normally would have been.

“Shit in my mouth and call it a sundae!” Jess raged, stamping her boot on the roads surface. “You are dumber than a box of rocks!”

“I’m sorry” Carl croaked.

“Hey, Jess-” Daryl tried to cut in in order to calm her down.

“-NO!” She shot back at him with a point of her finger before turning back to Carl “Can you not _feel_ how hot it is today?! You almost roasted your damn self to death in there! You scared the shit out of both of us!”

“I wasn’t scared.” Daryl mumbled as he lit a smoke and wandered into the middle of the road.

Jess whirled around glared at him with fury.

“Correct me if I’m wrong but you were the one that started the Johnny Cash show in there and damn near burst my eardrums!” She cried.

“Was just surprised…s’all.” He shrugged “You’re the one that done turned it into the fuckin’ disco car”

The irate look on her face was hard to ignore and Daryl did little to hide the fact that he found it incredibly amusing when she lost her temper in this way. She bit her tongue and opted to back off, it wasn’t Daryl she was mad at, after all.

Carl sighed and wiped at his face, his eyes stung with the salty sweat and he wanted nothing more than a cold shower or a swimming pool and a popsicle at that moment in time. Jess leaned against the side of the car next to him and tried to get her temper under control.

“I can help. I want to help.” Carl said, sounding exhausted.

“Carl, since you arrived at Alexandria you’ve been given one task; stay inside the house when there’s trouble. To this day, you have not managed that and you were just re-born though the back seat of a car because you were stupid enough to lock yourself in there, not only on a real hot day but on a rescue mission you are not supposed to be a part of. You do not get a say, okay?!” She explained.

Daryl walked back from the centre of the road and rested a hand on his hip while he took a drag of his cigarette and studied Carl.

“We ain’t got time to take him back.” He stated with a glance at Jess.

“Then let’s just leave him here and claim ignorance.” She replied casually.

As much as he wanted to laugh, he simply raised one eyebrow and held back a smile. Her amusing take on anger and her way of wording things was unique and he hoped she never lost it.

“Jess.” He warned.

“I’m kidding.” She scoffed. “Sorta. We’ll have to take him with us.”

Daryl leaned on the open door of the vehicle and dipped his head, catching Carls eye and encouraging him to lift his head so he could see his face. His cheeks were regaining their usual colour and he was seemingly recovering from him time in the tin box of heat.

“You stay in the car n’ do as we say or you’ll get us all killed, you hearin’ me?” He questioned firmly.

“Yeah, OK.” Carl nodded. Even if he wanted to protest, he didn’t have the energy at that point. Hearing a low growl in Daryl’s throat, he gathered quite rapidly that the archer, his father’s best friend and one of the people his entire group looked to for protection, was quite unimpressed by his actions.

“I could tan your hide for this, man. She’s hysterical…” He motioned to Jess with the wave of a hand in her direction “…but she’s right. This was stupid and dangerous”

Carl’s face changed and a certain boldness crept across his features. He took a quick peep at Jess before blinking up at Daryl.

“You’d do it.” He said clearly.

“What?” Daryl asked.

“If it was Jess that got taken. You’d do the same. You really like her.” He declared.

Daryl felt his chest constrict and his breath catch in his throat. He almost didn’t want to check Jess’s reaction because of the heavy awkwardness of it all. In a split second, Carl had managed to switch the atmosphere with just once, simple sentence. But Jess had heard every word and quickly decided to remove herself from the situation. It was all she could do to stop the raging embarrassment that was threatening to expose its self across her cheeks.

“I’m just going to take a walk. Check out the…scenery” She said nervously as she pointed to the line of darkened trees opposite. For miles, both sides of the road were the exact same and there really wasn’t much to look at but Jess was determined to put distance in between herself and Daryl and Carl. She pretended she couldn’t hear them as she walked away. Unbeknown to them, she could decipher most of their conversation.

“You don’t know nothin’ ‘bout that.” Daryl told Carl as he checked on Jess to find her pacing about and tapping her thigh with her fingers.

“I know you got shot trying to save her.” He mentioned.

“We ain’t talkin’ ‘bout me, we’re talkin’ ‘bout you. Focus.” He told him, tapping his own temple to ram the point home.

“But it’s the same thing.” Carl countered, set in his decision to make Daryl see that there was very little difference in Jess being kidnapped or Enid being kidnapped. The result would be the same. “You’d want to go and find Jess if she was kidnapped.”

He couldn’t lie. Daryl was never one for lies and especially not to an impressionable teenager. With Carl waiting for a response, Jess hovering nearby and the clock ticking away the chances of rescuing Enid, he took a deep breath.

“Yeah, alright. I would.” He admitted. “I get it, okay? You like her and ya can’t stand the thought of her gettin’ hurt. You’re gonna have to come with us but you're stayin' in this car. You good with that?”

“Yeah. I’m good with that.” Carl agreed.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have a nice, long, Action packed update :)  
> Much love for the feedback and Kudos, people!
> 
> Stay safe, stay inside <3

Through the winding country roads that soon turned into city streets, some blocked by crowds of Walkers and some clear enough for Jess to race through like a bat out of hell, her anticipation only grew stronger. Daryl was silently monitoring their progress on the map and keeping tabs on the intermittent tyre tracks and oily drips on the road’s surface. Carl clung to the window in the back seat like a frightened child. But Jess knew it wasn’t the world outside the vehicle that was alarming him, it was the prospect of losing the girl he cared for if they failed to find her or they were too late. His boot tapped nervously on the frame of the drivers chair and Jess could feel a constant, droning vibration rise up through the seat. It irritated her, but she kept quiet, her patience now thinner than she was comfortable with.

The sun was low in the sky and with that came a simmering sense of dread for Daryl, who was more than aware that if they lost the light, they also lost their opportunity to extract Enid from her demise before any harm could come to her. He couldn’t have anyone else die, no one else could be lost. He’d already shouldered every single one and blamed himself for the group’s numbers diminishing. Should have done more, acted with more haste, thought quicker or just done something, anything to save the people they’d lost. It was an unavoidable side effect of being more sensitive than he cared to admit – or so Carol told him. She’d advised him after the death of Maggie’s younger sister that he had to allow himself to feel it. He didn’t know how she’d noticed that his very soul was starting to crumble, but he needed to hear those words, more than he’d realised and since then, he’d allowed a small semblance of feeling through, just enough to continue on. But Jess was changing that by charging through his barriers and forcing him to face feelings he didn’t know how to handle.

He stole a glimpse of her, hunched over the steering wheel and squinting at a passing road sign that was broken in half. They were heading out of the city, having worked their way around the outskirts and with each passing mile, Daryl’s mind began to wander to the conversation they’d had in the fairground before Carl arrived and dumped one hell of a problem in the middle of it all. He’d said what he wanted to say, but something told him it still wouldn’t suffice in Jess’s mind and all that was left to do was hope that he’d bought himself enough time to figure things out properly. Their dynamic had shifted, evolved and flourished, even, into something terrifying yet strangely addictive and although his attention was resolute when it came to finding Enid, being able to kiss Jess was never far from his thoughts.

“Stop!” Carl yelled from behind them. His voice shot through the silence like a knife through butter and Jess found herself having to take a deep breath due to being so startled. She hit the breaks and the car skidded to an abrupt halt, sending all three of them surging forwards momentarily. “Look. Through there. High walls and lights.” He pointed out while twisting his torso to fit through the gap between the seats. Jess pushed Carl back through the to the back by shoving at his shoulder and punched at the clip on the glove box. It sprang open and she clawed at its contents, sending litter and dust scattering across Daryl’s lap. He blinked slowly and turned his head to her but she ignored the cross look he was presenting her with. Finally, she found what she was looking for and pulled out the heavy binoculars. Bringing them to her eyes, she waited for her vision to adjust and surveyed the scene before them. At the end of the tree-lined street, a high wall loomed up with floodlights positioned every few yards along it. She could detect no sign of any people, but she knew well enough that it was not wise to assume anything.

“That’s a college.” Daryl mused to himself as he peered through the dusty windscreen.

“Mm” Jess hummed in agreement. “Lights are on but it looks like nobody is home.”

“Somebody’s home alright.” Daryl confirmed with a quiet confidence. He knew better than most that even the most abandoned places could surprise a weary traveller with their guard down and they were not looking at an abandoned college, the beaming lights in the evening glow were a sure sign that they may have reached their destination.

“Do you think she’s in there?” Carl asked.

A memory abruptly caught Jess’s attention; The city. The group she’d seen having been the reason she left. The same group from the woods, the same group that attacked Alexandria and shot Daryl. It could well have been where they came from.

“I think she is” She admitted with a quick look at Daryl who caught her eye and offered her a short nod to signal that he was in agreement. He clicked open the car door and grabbed his crossbow from the footwell. Jess shot a hand out and grabbed his wrist.

“Wait.” She ordered. Her eyes met his and in them, he observed a complex mixture of worry, fear and a need for some clarification. “How are we doing this?”

It was quite simple to Daryl. Carl was staying out of harm’s way, locked in the car where no one, living or dead, could get at him. As for Jess – putting her in the firing line wasn’t an option. He would keep her with him and protect her with his life, using her only to cover him if he needed it.

“He’s stayin’ right here” he said with a nudge of his head at Carl “And you’re followin’ my lead.”

Her forehead wrinkled and she released a sigh through her nose. Daryl had known Jess long enough by that point to be able to predict what she was about to say and if he was a betting man, he would have put money on her need to protest.

“Why are you leading? I can lead.” She stated.

“You really gonna argue with me about everythin’?! Get outta the car n’ let’s go find the girl.” He instructed firmly and with a wave of his hand. A loud scoff and a mumble followed Jess’s exit from the car. Before she closed the door, she crawled hallway back inside, far enough to come face-to face with Carl. Saying nothing, she presented him with a stern look and a finger pointed right at him. She didn’t need words to relay how important it was that he stayed where he was and Carl was under no illusions that if he was to disobey her again, she was likely to cut him into little pieces with the machete hanging from her belt.

She’d seen it a million times before in movies, the silent hand gestures made by the military and some characters with no such background that somehow appeared to just know them by heart. But Jess was an Army brat and knew her stuff when it came to deciphering instructions told with the use of one hand. Daryl, having apparently picked up a thing or two, was pleased to find that she understood his every order and scuttled across the street close behind him. The two of them hovered behind a burned-out car, fingers curling over the edge of the holes where the windows once were and Jess tried to blink away the slight blur in her vision after so long spent driving and focusing on the roads. She was thankful that her now natural requisite for planning, gained while living alone in the city, meant she’d had the forethought to keep a packed backpack by the door of the diner that contained her gloves, mask, armguard, holsters and hooded jacket. Carl’s random appearance in the backseat of the car also meant that she had time to suit up before they progressed even further. Her gear not only acted as protection but also as a confidence booster. If she felt equipped enough for whatever she may encounter, she would be more inclined to panic less and think more.

Up ahead, Daryl detected movement. Only slight but enough for him to be even more sure that the compound behind the walls was occupied with the living and that they’d more than likely found where Enid was being held. He carefully observed the view, counting two figures by a gate that, judging by its mismatched wooden panels, had been erected long since the turn.

“Two guards on the gate” He whispered to Jess who had one hand on the rusty shell of the car and the other clutched around the handle of her machete.

“Yup. You distract them. I’ll sneak in.” She told him.

“No. No way. Ya aint goin’ in there.” He countered without hesitation. “If they catch ya, it’s over.”

Apparently unbothered by his dismissal of her proposal, she moved her hand up to her bow and unhooked it from across her torso. She then slid an arrow from the quiver and gripped it tightly in her gloved fist. Risking a small peep through the car to her target, she shifted backwards and finally caught Daryl’s waiting eye.

“If they catch me, they’ll keep me alive. If they catch you, they’ll kill you on the spot.” She pointed out.

He couldn’t argue with her reasoning, she was correct, after all. They wouldn’t dither about putting him down if they found him, much like they didn’t when they walked into Alexandria and slaughtered almost a third of the population for sport. They would most certainly keep Jess alive too and that thought was enough to make him want to bundle her back into the car and lock the doors.

“Look at me.” He growled as she fumbled with her mask, tugging it up and over her mouth and nose. “You are _not_ goin’ in there.”

“I’ll be fi-“

“-Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Jess.” He hissed “Now, you listen to me and you listen real good; we aint got time for your stubborn shit right now. I am not arguin’ with you about this. If you really wanna be involved then you’re gonna shut the fuck up n’ do as I say or so help me god, I will lock you in that car with the kid n’ do this myself.”

Sure that his rant had hit home, he waited for her reaction, only to find that her eyes brightened and she tilted her head back slightly. Under her mask, she was smiling.

“Are you _scolding_ me, Stinky?” She challenged.

“Uh, yes… I am.” He replied meekly, unable to mask the fact that her refusal to bow to his demands had left him feeling rather sheepish.

“Okay, fine” She sang with a roll of her eyes “I’ll make a rukus out here, try and keep things going as long as I can.”

“No.” He refused blankly “We do this together.”

“Daryl, there is no way we are getting in there without a distraction. You know that.” She argued.

His shoulders slumped and he dropped one knee onto the ground to stabilise himself from his crouching position. His vision lowered and he shook his head slowly. Jess heard him sigh and for a moment, began to worry that she was annoying him with the confidence she had in her plan. She quickly checked the scene beyond the car and found it to be much the same, no one had detected them yet.

“I ain’t leavin ya alone. I can’t” she heard him utter from her side.

He cut quite the sombre figure, kneeling with his head bowed at first before gradually lifting it to find her looking at him with a slightly bemused expression. It was dawning on her that he was disagreeing so vehemently because he cared. He cared about her and wanted her to stay by his side. Far from wanting to push him away or send him back into his shell, she mirrored him and leaned her weight on one knee.

“I promise I’ll be carefu-”

His hand covering hers on her knee silenced her and her mouth hung open as she glanced down at his fingers brushing the back of her hand. The arrow she held was pinned down against her knee and grew hot when her palm flushed with warmth.

“Please.” He urged upon an exhalation. “I can’t lose you”

Not even a full day had passed and Jess had been gifted with not one almost confession, but two. It was the closest thing she’d had to some clarity about what was happening between them and so far, she was knocked for six by his unexpected and moderately forthright change of tact. She now understood that he was interested enough not only to continue kissing her, but also to unashamedly present his anxiety about leaving her alone during a rescue mission. To Jess, it was hard to imagine that she had provoked feelings in Daryl that surpassed friendship and while she still remained sceptical and slightly guarded, a part of her hoped that given time, she would be blessed with the kind of confession she only dared to dream about.

“Carl can see us” She mentioned after hearing a shuffle from the direction of the car they’d arrived in. She could near enough feel Carl staring at them through the window without even having to look for herself.

“I don’t care.” He breathed with his lips barely moving and his body statue still, his eyes pinned on hers.

She swallowed hard and dreaded having to make her point once more. But she believed with everything she had that a distraction was their best chance and if she stated her case logically, Daryl would be forced to admit that she was right. She leaned towards him and looked right at him.

“They’re not going to catch me. I survived alone for so long because I am good at blending into the shadows. You know this makes sense. I can do this. I can fight. You know I can because you helped trained me.” She explained.

His hand instantly lifted from hers and her skin flashed with the coldness of his absence. He pawed at his face, rubbing his eyes and growling to himself.

“Fine” He grumbled. “But you be careful, use ya smarts n’ if shit goes down, you run to the car and get yourself and Carl the hell outta here. Do you hear me? You _do not_ go inside those walls and you _do not_ come lookin’ for me.”

“Alright. I won’t.” She replied as she started to stand on both feet, keeping her body low behind the car.

_Yeah, right. Like I’d ever leave without you, stinky._

“Go” He ordered with a nudge of his head in the direction of the gate. She readied her bow, pushing her shoulders back and shaking her head as if to shake off the fear that was bubbling in the pit of her stomach.

“I need you to live. You hear me?” Daryl added out of nowhere. Jess’s body stilled and she fought the urge to lunge at him and kiss him but with Carl watching on, she refrained from putting them in a situation that would later be difficult to explain.

“If I don’t, you can have my T-shirts and the fairground.” She joked instead. But his stony expression didn’t waiver for even a second and her heart ached.

“I’m serious.” He pointed out needlessly. She knew he was serious; it was written all over his face an in the depths of his worried eyes. Time was ticking away and as much as she wanted to stay with him and debate the ramifications of losing her and exactly how much he would miss her if she was gone, she had to get moving and leaving things on such a heavy and emotionally draining note was far from appealing to her.

“You started an important conversation earlier. It’d be rude of me to die half way through” she reminded him. It was sneaky, she was willing to admit that much, but no matter what happened since their conversation at the fairground, Jess wanted to make sure that the topic wasn’t just forgotten about. She still wanted a definitive answer and although she couldn’t even begin to figure out how, she had a backlog of things she wanted to say stored up in her mind.

“You’re so fuckin’ weird.” He huffed with a small smile.

“Ahh, you like me that way.” She brought her hand up, the arrow pinched between her palm and thumb and waved him off as she backed up to the sidewalk.

“I do. Be careful” He replied.

“You too, don’t get shot again. Or Nurse Jess will make another appearance” She quipped while sliding the arrow into the compound bows arrow rest. Her concentration on her weapon meant that she missed the point when Daryl’s face broke into a rare and wide smile.

“Don’t tempt me” He grinned.

Her eyes shot up to him and a rush of air left her lungs in a bashful laugh.

“Huh. Shut up.” She chuckled before standing up straight, walking out into the middle of the road and striding boldly towards the gate with her bow held up and ready, the bowstrings and arrow drawn back, taut and threatening.

* * *

A new bow and some mediocre practice didn’t necessarily mean accurate aim for Jess, who was used to her ancient relic of a weapon that she’d collected from the Renaissance Faire and lovingly restored and modified to her advantage. Her newer, more modern replacement was not without its issues, it felt completely different but the one saving grace of such a weapon swap was that she was now able to eject arrows that were notably faster than before and that meant that they were even more lethal.

Daryl didn’t even realise his hands were shaking as he watched Jess strutting along the middle of the road and nearing the lion’s den. When he lifted his crossbow from his shoulder, he found himself having to pause as he looked down at his fingers trembling against the handle. It was bizarre to him, even in the most perilous of situations, he hadn’t felt such trepidation. But his concern was not for himself, it was for the woman that was bravely facing the enemy head-on and putting herself at risk of death. The woman that had changed him. The only woman he’d ever flirted with. The woman he kissed. The first and only woman he’d ever cared about.

_C’mon. Focus. She needs you to focus. She’s gonna be fine. She’s got this. She’s got balls bigger than mine._

Yelling in the distance meant he rapidly crawled across the floor, peeked around the back end of the car and held his breath.

* * *

The arrow narrowly missed the left gate guards head and Jess grunted in disapproval as she equipped another arrow and took aim for the second time.

“Fuck a duck” She hissed to herself “Thought I had that in the bag.”

The man’s shout of surprise alerted more people beyond the barrier and the structure exploded with movement like rabbits running at the sound of a shotgun.

 _Hah. Look at them all run._ She thought with a smirk.

The second arrow embedded in the wood behind the gate guard on the right. He ducked and dramatically covered his head as if the sky were about to implode on top of him. While the other one screamed at the top of his lungs that they were under attack. Despite being in the centre of the street, in plain view and not far enough away for them to have missed her, Jess could only assume that the two guards were not the brightest bulbs in box and so, she raised a hand in a wave.

“Hey, Dumbasses!” She cried.

At the sound of her voice, both men at the gate and two more that had appeared at the top of the wall on ladders all froze and stared at her. Th scene was so comical and surprisingly scatter-brained to Jess that she couldn’t help but laugh.

“Y’all are a few fries short of a happy meal in there, huh? I’m right here!” She announced at the top of her voice, throwing her arms up with her bow in the air. One of the men at the gate readied a rifle and lowered his head to the scope and someone, though Jess couldn’t tell who, ordered for the gate to be opened. “Now we’re talkin’. C’mon out, kittie, kittie, kitties.” She urged under her breath.

When the gate clunked and began to open, she took it as her cue to turn and run. Her boots hit the asphalt so hard that the soles of her feet stung and from the corner of her eye, she noted Daryl crossing in front of the houses, moving stealthily from car to car, using the bushes for cover. Her heart started to thud in her chest when she veered off to the opposite side of the road to Daryl, vanishing along the side of a house as the sound of boots on the ground and men throwing instructions at one another closed in.

* * *

 _One…Two…Three…_ Daryl counted

“Four…five. Shit. There’s five on her tail.” He whispered to himself while he edged closer to the gate behind the cover of a truck with smashed windows. He craned his neck when he reached the rear of the vehicle and spotted a single guard atop of the wall, perfectly distracted by trying to follow his comrades in pursuit of Jess through a pair of binoculars. Inside, the coast seemed to be clear and Daryl, with his crossbow ready, managed to cross the threshold of the gate and scoped out his surroundings after ducking behind a heavily reinforced truck. Bit by bit, he took in the strange sight of the vehicle, thinking that it was like something from Mad Max. He’d watched the movie with Merle when he was high and the real deal was even more vivid than the technicolour images he’d seen back then. The windows were covered with metal, holes and gaps harshly punched through the surface to provide vision. The tyres were oversized, heavy duty and quite obviously not the originals. On the sides of the truck, spikes protruded from the bodywork and Daryl had to carefully manoeuvre in-between them to prevent himself from being impaled by the rusty, blood covered points. He positioned himself behind one of the huge wheels and waited. Footsteps scuffed past and orders were being barked from one man to another. He counted at least five different voices as he eased forwards, peering under the truck and spotting a building opposite with low windows. He jumped and his stomach knotted at the sounds of distant gunshots.

_Jess._

* * *

Climbing wasn’t exactly on the top of Jess’s skills list, especially when it came to scaling the fences of back yards with a group of dangerous men chasing her. Having tripped twice and ripping the arm of her jacket, her patience was struggling not to crack. But through sheer pig-headedness she pressed on, the massive inconvenience of it all and the need for it to be over was enough for her to summon the energy to toss herself over yet another wooden panelled fence. Grateful for her leather-palmed gloves and her thick jacket, her skin was sore but well protected when she scaled what felt like the hundredth, ten-foot wall. Reaching the top, time seemed to kick into slow-motion and she blinked in surprise. Her hands had let go of the structure and the dusty, cracked ground was suddenly a lot nearer than she’d anticipated. Her heart lurched and her muscles constricted. Before she could even register that she was falling, she landed with a thump. Her shoulder screamed in pain from the landing and her bow was sent clattering across the dust. She rolled onto her back and clutched the top of her arm in attempt to check if her joint had been knocked out of place again. Pain hummed through her nerves as she threw her head back and puffed out a muffled cry of agony. The faint patter of boots on the ground was the thing that got her to her feet and she rotated her shoulder, relieved to discover that it was still in its rightful place. She retrieved her bow, brushed the dust from her jacket and shook her head briefly.

“Son of a gun.” She uttered “Ouch.”

_That was about as graceful as an elephant on a slide. Parkour is definitely on the list for training session ideas._

A plan. She could hear a plan being formed. Two men in the next yard. She had been lucky they didn’t hear her messy, undignified collision with the floor. She linked her arm under the bows upper limb and hooked it up onto her good shoulder while slowly and stealthily sliding the knife Daryl had gifted her so long ago from its sheath on her belt. Her steps could barely be detected as she tiptoed along the fence to the gate at the side of the house, pleased and annoyed that the path turned to grass half way along. If only she’d known that when she was on the other side. Finding the gate unlocked, she inched it open and spun around, pressing her back to the wall and keeping her blade up as she waited for the movement on the other side of the fence to approach. To her delight, she found that her target succeeded her own lack of grace and trundled noisily towards the gate, swearing to himself and coughing.

Rolling her eyes at the shocking level of stupidity being displayed, she felt a rush of confidence when the door eased open and the man stepped into view. Holding his gun out in front of him proved to be fruitless when Jess knocked it clean from his hand with one swipe and threw her entire bodyweight at him, sending them both crashing into the door. Before she even had time to think, she had managed to work her blade into the space between his neck and the wood and was dragging it across the stubbled flesh with a sickening ease. She yanked the blade out and stepped back, watching as the man dropped to the floor and held onto the dark crimson, pulsing gash under his greying beard. He gurgled and spluttered and she winced when blood sprayed out of the wound between his fingers and peppered across her face and clothing. Adrenaline coursed through her veins but she had seen enough death to last a lifetime and took a moment to close her eyes and look away as the life drained out of the human being before her.

She pressed on, shoving the man’s pistol into her waistband and having to consciously hold back a cry of pure delight when she discovered a door in the fence to the next yard.

_At last. Folks that actually liked one another enough to have an adjoining door in their yard._

She pulled back the rusty bolt and creaked the door open, finding another man wandering around with his back to her and peering into the windows of the house. She unhooked her bow and nocked an arrow, drawing in a steady breath as her feet took her closer and closer, still undetected and being provided with a perfect opportunity. This time, she wanted more than just a quick death for her potential assailant. She wanted information. At the bottom of the patio steps, she steadily lifted a boot and pulled her bodyweight up while keeping her aim steady. The man turned and her heart skipped a beat when he attempted to raise his gun.

“Uh-uh. Not advisable” She told him.

Her voice was surprisingly authoritative considering how unsteady her mind was when she saw the face of the man in front of her. In a split second, she was transported back to Aaron’s kitchen table and her wrists and thighs stung with the memory of the rough, strong hands that pinned her to the surface. In the throes of terror, while she fought with every fibre of her being to escape the clutches of the cruel men that intended to hurt her, she caught a glimpse of a face that she’d refused to remember until that point. While she knew that face belonged to a man that was no more, the individual she was pointing her weapon at looked remarkably like him. Her chest flooded with nerves and her breathing began to faulter but on the surface she managed to hold it together. His mouth opened and she could tell he was going to yell for help.

“Shh” She hissed at him.

He jolted towards her, flinging an arm at her bow and knocking it to the floor. Having no time to gather her thoughts and consider he next move, her instincts took over and she snatched her machete from her belt with one hand as she took the final step and jammed her straightened fingers into the man’s Adam’s apple. The movement was so rapid, the man barely registered it until he buckled over and gagged at her feet. She heard him wheeze when the breath he so needed to inhale was snatched away. His gun fell from his hand and just when she thought she had the situation under control, he staggered to his feet and lashed out, managing to backhand her across the face, snapping her head to the side. Her vision blurred and pain seared through her cheekbone at the same time as pure rage began to simmer in her very soul. She stumbled back but instead of giving up, she forced her bad shoulder into action and bit down on her lower lip as she slashed across his stomach. His hands frantically sought to hold the deep cut in his abdomen closed but blood was soon seeping through his fingers and staining his clothes in a rapidly growing map of his demise. Taking the chance to re-equip her bow, she swooped down to it and plucked another arrow from her quiver just as she saw his lips part and panic fill his eyes.

“HEL-”

“-Keep yelling and I will drag your fucking guts out onto the grass.” She warned steadily and with an assured and certain edge to her voice. Her threat was not empty and she could see that despite his dire situation, the man was in no position to argue. “The girl your people kidnapped today. Is she alive?”

“I aint telling you shit, bitch.” He spat.

His voice was not unlike the man that Daryl had bludgeoned to death in Aaron and Eric’s kitchen. Similar face, similar voice, part of the same group. She was beginning to put the pieces together and could only conclude that she was now face-to face with the brother of one of the men that had tried to rape her. Her cheek was aching with discomfort and she knew that under her mask, a hefty bruise was forming and so, she opened her mouth, trying to rotate her jaw and stretch the compromised flesh for some relief. Blood was pooling on the ground beneath him and his hands were now almost completely red. Undoubtedly unsettled and enraged by his likeness to her attacker, she found a sinister satisfaction in bringing the tip of her arrow close to his right eye.

“You wanna rethink that, buddy?” She smirked.

Tears filled the mans terrified eyes and his shoulders were visibly shaking. Jess was sure that if anyone had told her she was capable of frightening a grown man to such an extent she would have thought them to be crazy, but there she was, holding a scared man hostage for information and refusing, point blank to back down.

“S-she’s alive” He croaked; his voice hoarse from her earlier jab at his throat. Initially, she’d been dismayed to find that she’d not hit him hard enough to make him vomit, just like Abraham had told her would happen if enough force was applied. But if she’d been graced with such an occurrence, she would end up talking to herself due to the high likelihood of her having killed him.

“How many of you are there?” she demanded as she watched the tip of her arrow wave around in front of his pupil.

“A hun-hundred or, or so. Not- not all here.” He admitted. His skin was starting to grey from the blood loss and voices could be heard nearing them from the street. Jess knew her time was running out.

“You all know each other? How can you tell who’s from your group and who’s not?” She pressed, jutting the arrow closer still. He closed his eyes briefly and she witnessed his chest spring up and down as he panted in fear.

“Too many of us to know everybody. We’re-we’re branded. My hand. But you-you don’t stand a chance alone.” He managed to say as he pulled back his leather jacket sleeve.

Jess wasn’t about to be that easily distracted and so, her eyes darted down to where he held his hand out and she noted the circular symbol seared into his flesh. Angry and new, even bordering on infection.

“Where would they be keeping the girl?” She asked.

“You’ll never get out alive.” He warned her.

“Where are they keeping her?!” She hissed, leaning further over him and making a show of pulling the bows strings back further. The weapon creaked and the man startled.

“The d-dorm rooms.”

“See? Now, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” She snipped sarcastically with a tilt of her head. Anger rose in the man’s eyes and his brow furrowed.

“Fuck you, bitch.” He spat. Saliva sprayed from his mouth, attaching to the scruff of his short beard. “You’re dead. You hear me. Fucking dead!”

Half of Jess wanted to just shut him up, but the other half had one more, key thing that she needed to know and she wasn’t about to let it drop. With mere seconds to spare before she was found by the others, she placed a boot on the man’s chest and kicked him backwards until his back hit the ground. He yelped in discomfort and the wound across his stomach oozed with yet more blood. It hit her that if she didn’t kill him and fast, he would die anyway and she would have to relinquish the gratification of putting him down herself.

“Did you have a brother?” She questioned as she towered over him with her bow still aimed at his eye.

“W-what?”

“You deaf as well as stupid? I said, did you have a brother?”

“Yeah… he’s dead…why?”

There it was, all the confirmation she needed that this violent but uniquely justified act would not only benefit their cause of freeing Enid, but it would also serve as revenge and closure for a trauma that was bestowed upon Jess and had festered around her, eating away at her sanity ever since. Now, she was finally able to move on.

“No reason.” She shrugged.

Releasing the arrow wasn’t the difficult part. It was having to stomach the nauseating process of carving the branded skin from the back of his hand so quickly that she ended up dragging tendons and nerves with her in a disgusting trail of red. As soon as her prize detached from his body, she turned and dunked it in an empty plant pot of stagnant water before running as fast as her legs would carry her. Gunshots from behind shocked her into moving even faster and she all but ran through the back fence and into the yard of a house in the next street. Wood and debris flew everywhere as she began to hack at the barrier with her machete, creating a hole big enough to crawl through.

* * *

From his vantage point behind the huge truck, Daryl had managed to put down two men that had noticed his whereabouts with bolts to the brain before they could even speak. But the sudden arrival of crossbow bolts out of the blue meant that the enemy was now scurrying around the compound like a group of frightened mice, all yelling at one another and trying to figure out where the offending shots had originated from. He’d missed a couple of attempts, much to his annoyance. Unable to retrieve them as he usually did, he was running out and fast.

His mind was not far from Jess. The gunshots he’d heard replayed over and over in his head. The thought of her getting hurt or killed literally made his legs feel weak and his chest throb with despair. But he had to believe that she would be fine, she would have it no other way and if she knew how much he’d fretted, she would not hesitate to tell him off in the strange, quirky way she always did. In fact, he couldn’t wait until the next time she did.

He waited for a chance to run, a gap in the pandemonium that would enable him to run to the building with the low windows and duck behind the bushes and wooden boxes stacked outside. From where he was, it looked like the fire exit to the dormitory building. With so many rooms to search inside, Daryl knew he had his work cut out. But it also meant that once inside, he had plenty of places to hide and use for cover.

Boots crossed the space in front of the truck and he dipped his head, monitoring their progress as they moved swiftly towards the gate. The light was fading fast and unless he moved in the next few minutes, they would be battling against the night as well as the enemy. He backed up and rounded the back of the truck, peering around the trunk and finding the coast as clear as it was going to be. He sprinted but as soundlessly as possible across the pathways and grass until he finally managed to reach the boxes. Noting the short distance that he would have to cross to get to the fire exit door, he crouched down and immediately noticed the sound of glass smashing in the far distance.

* * *

By some miracle and with an aching shoulder, Jess was meres away from the gate but stuck for ideas as to how to get inside and find Daryl. She pushed away the notion that he would be mad at her and figured she would deal with his wrath once they were home and dry. She cast her mind back to their original plan. Distract then sneak. The garage she was hiding behind was the closest unit to the gate that would provide her with enough cover. So, leaving it was not an option, she would have to think up a plan from where she was. Her eyes flitted around the area, at the bushes, the discarded garden tools, the rusty barbeque and the metal ladder.

She froze. The metal ladder. Distract then sneak. Wasting no time, she grabbed the ladder and positioned it against the garage, testing it by applying some weight on one of the rungs with her foot. It held up with enough stability and she climbed up a few steps, just enough to reach the top of the garage and still be hidden behind it. She shuffled on the rung and turned her body while she scanned the scene. Eventually, she did a double take at the roof of a greenhouse in a yard just far enough away to buy her some time. She carefully unhooked her bow and selected an arrow, aiming with less precision than she would have liked. But when the arrow shattered the greenhouses roof and sent a smashing sound echoing from the houses, the crash bouncing from walls and rising into the air, she smiled and quickly descended the ladder.

She strained to hear but there was no doubt that the tell tale sounds of her pursuers were all running to the distraction instead of following her. She had to move or she would lose her chance. She stood up straight, loaded her bow again and stepped out into the street. The first thing she saw was a short, stubby man standing in the middle of the open gate, unarmed and sweating. His hands shakily went up in surrender when he saw her and her bow released. If she thought about too much, she knew she would have talked herself out of it. The arrow flew past him and he flinched and squeezed his eyes closed. She couldn’t help it; she was embarrassed at yet another missed shot.

“Oh, C’mon now!” She growled to herself

_He’s a god damn sitting duck, you got this. You’re not missing three in one day._

His eyes bulged as she took aim again and for the second time, everything slowed and she bared her teeth in anticipation as the arrow flew towards the man. She sighed with relief when it hit him straight in the chest and knocked him backwards. Seizing the precious seconds that she’d earned, she ran at the gate and slowed to a creep as she slipped inside and followed Daryl’s path along the wall in the darkness.

* * *

Daryl was racing between the fire exit and the windows of the buildings, trying each one and finding them locked. He cursed under his breath and moved back to the boxes to re-evaluate his method. He’d hoped to gain access to the building and gradually work his way around the college due to having no idea where they would keep Enid and anyone else that they had captured.

“Psst!”

His head snapped up to find Jess laying on the gravel under the armoured truck. She waved enthusiastically at him like a kid in a playground and he lifted an eyebrow in disbelief.

_Told her to stay outside the fuckin’ walls._

After a brief double take at her, he angrily waved her off, mouthing to her to get back on the outside. She held up a finger to signal that he should wait and wriggled, clunking her bow on the underside of the truck and freezing for a couple of seconds until she was sure no one had noticed. Daryl held his breath and released it in frustration as he witnessed her pull something flesh coloured from her jacket pocket and push herself backwards. She got to her feet behind the truck and glanced down at the item in her hand, then over at a perplexed Daryl. Just how was she going to get it over there without attracting the attention of the remaining men, who were now discovering the body of Jess’s latest victim at the gate?

Her arrows rattled at her back as she thought and the noise gave her an idea, albeit a risky one. She pulled an arrow from the quiver and impaled her gift to him onto the point. Then, she raised it up, gripped the feathered end tightly and flung it in Daryl’s direction. Closing her eyes as it left the point in mid-air probably wasn’t her best choice, but the anticipation was killing her and although her aim was a little off, the piece of branded flesh splatted onto the window above Daryl’s head with a _thunk._

He startled when he saw it, his face twisting into a grimace as he snatched it from the glass and looked back at Jess with disgust. She held up her hands, slapping one over the back of the other and then pointing to the floppy, cold piece of skin in his grasp. He instantly understood although he was both shocked and impressed at her idea. Placing the wet burn mark over his own hand, he nodded at her and received an excitable thumbs up. Now, he just had to gain entry to the building. He lifted an arm and pushed at the glass of the window above him but it didn’t budge. Jess’s brain was working on overtime and she glanced around the compound, needing something to create another distraction with. Her eyes landed on the dark puddle on the ground a couple of metres away from the small gathering of what looked like six men by the entrance to main building. Its slick, technicolour, rainbow effect shone in the beam from the floodlights.

_That’s Gasoline._

It was a considerable distance away but she was faced with no choice, it was either try or Daryl would have to find another way in and risk getting caught. From her jacket pocket, she fished out a flare, popped the cap off and used the striking surface of the cap to light it. Then, she stepped out from behind the truck and chucked the flare along the floor as hard as she could, as if she was throwing a bowling ball. It skittered across the bumpy surface of the colleges path and stopped just at the edge of the puddle. Tantalisingly close but not quite close enough. It was a matter of millimetres and Jess curled her hands into fists and growled through her teeth. Her luck seemed to be running out.

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

She slumped back against the back of the truck and noticed Daryl watching the puddle with great interest. He slowly turned his head to her and held up a hand as he mouthed the words ‘just wait’.

Above the humming, murmuring of the conversation going on by the gate, all Jess could hear was her own laboured breathing. She was out of ideas, having exhausted her one, last shot at getting Daryl safely into the building undetected. Or so she thought, until a hiss and a pop followed by rush of air pulled her from her negativity. She spun around and peeked around the truck. The puddle had caught fire and the flames were rapidly growing. It worked.

She ripped the pistol from her waistband and quickly checked it over. Fully loaded. Safety off. Keeping her body flat to the back of the vehicle, she pointed the gun at the group, who were now all staring at the flames in bafflement and asking each other where the hell the flare had come from. She started firing, sending them all into a frenzy as bullets whizzed past their heads and they ran for cover. Deliberately, she aimed at windows of nearby buildings with the intention of causing as much noise as possible. With the puddle of gasoline raging and the men all panicked and seeking cover, with glass shattering all around them and no idea where the gunfire was originating from, Jess quickly put a few bullets in the window above Daryl, enough to smash most of the pane. He sprang to his feet and managed to climb inside but Jess was in no doubt that his hands would be cut to ribbons. With her work done, she sighed with relief and backed into the shadows and bushes behind the gate. Now, it was down to him.

Then, she felt like a spare part. She counted four remaining men altogether when the three that had been following her outside finally arrived back inside the walls. She was too far away to hear their discussion, but they were still on high alert with two skulking back and forth around the inside of the wall. She ducked under the bushes to avoid the flashlights of their rifles and tried to figure out how she would handle it if one of them was to find her. But she quickly realised that her only chance and it was a slim one, was to fight with her machete and knife. Face to face. She was under no illusions that their foe was as wise as the world was flat, but she still wasn’t going to risk hand to hand combat with four, armed men. Not willing to partake in such a suicide mission, she kept still and quiet and willed Daryl to re-emerge with Enid in tow so they could work their way out of there together.

It felt like forever. Like hours and days had passed with her boots sinking into the mud between the bushes. The distinct lack of Daryl during the uncomfortable wait gave her a tiny sense of what it might be like if he wasn’t in her life anymore. She’d be waiting. All the time. Waiting for him to return but he never would. She shivered at the thought and shifted her weight from one foot to the other, her limbs beginning to numb from having to stay in the same place for so long.

In reality, it was around ten minutes when Daryl finally reappeared with Enid and was soon shoving her through the smashed window. Pleased to see that she was still dressed in her usual attire and seemed to be relatively untouched save for a black eye, Jess gestured wildly for her to cross the short distance from the bushes to the truck. With a quick check in each direction, Enid shot out from the leaves and was grabbed by Jess on the other side who quickly wrapped her arms around her and squeezed her tight. At her back, she could sense her jacket being gripped in the young girls’ hands, so tightly that she thought she might tear a hole in the leather. Her relief at seeing her rescuers had prompted tears to fill her eyes and Jess’s were threatening to do the same until she clocked Daryl climbing from the window with what looked alike a rocket strapped to his back. She gradually eased Enid apart from her torso and gawped at the sight.

“Enid?” She whispered but in a high-pitched chirp.

“Yeah?”

“Is that a…a _Rocket Launcher_ on Daryl’s back?”

“Yeah. He found the weapons room.”

“Huh. Sweet.” Jess huffed in amusement. “Nothing like an RPG to add some more Drama.”

Equipping his crossbow, Daryl began firing bolts at anyone he could see and Jess stepped in to help without question. She coaxed Enid behind her and told her to stay there with Daryl also adding that she should move when they do as they closed in on the gate, using more boxes and vehicles for cover. Catching his eye as he reloaded his crossbow with his foot in the stirrup, he hauled the strings back and clicked them into place.

“Go, I’ll cover you. Get her to the car.” He panted.

She didn’t want to leave him and everything in her told her to stay by his side but she had a duty to Enid and if anything was to happen to her, the whole thing would have been in vain. Too many people had died at the hands of the brainless but still dangerous group and she couldn’t let Enid become another number on their kill list. Daryl could handle himself, she was certain of that, but it still didn’t stop the churning worry in her heart that if she left him, something bad could happen. She looked over the boxes shielding her and started to count more assailants filtering out from the buildings.

_They’re like ants. They’re everywhere._

He could see her pause and think and flicked an arm out in the direction of the gate, only metres away from where they hid.

“Go, Jess!” He raged at her, snapping her from her overthinking and spurring her on to take hold on Enid’s arm and drag her towards the gate. Bullets narrowly missed them and they kept on, running as fast as was possible and trying to keep low until they reached houses and Jess guided Enid to the garage she’d hidden behind before.

“Are you okay? Are you hit?” She gasped.

“N-no.” Enid stuttered.

Then, it was Daryl’s turn. He stood up, shot a bolt through the eye of a man standing dangerously close to him and dropped him in seconds. It was his last bolt. Adrenaline surged in his veins as he made for the gate, sweat dripping into his eyes and soaking his hair. His heart pounded and a short, puff of air grazed his ear. A bullet a hairs breadth away. He pulled a handgun from his belt and could see Jess and Enid emerge from the side of a house; they began hurrying along in front of him with wide eyes glimpsing back at him.

He stopped and turned back, fearlessly eliminating two more men who came rushing at him. Despite the chaos, his shots were steady and accurate, his aim impeccable. He silently thanked his lucky stars that he had a brother like Merle, who insisted on shooting everything in sight with whatever weapons they could get their hands on. He switched the gun for the RPG across his body and yelled at the top of his lungs for Jess and Enid to keep running. He sucked in a deep breath and hauled the weapon onto his shoulder, noticing four more men intent on killing him. Upon realising the grave danger that they were about to be put in, they immediately stopped and started running in the other direction, screaming a horrified chorus of ‘fall back!’ and ‘RPG!’. Daryl slowly released his breath and pulled the trigger. The weapon popped and whooshed and fire exploded in front of him. He staggered but remained upright enough to find that he’d hit the main building and the propane canisters stacked at the entrance, sending a booming cloud of dust, flames and debris spiralling into the sky. A shockwave rumbled across the ground, meaning Jess and Enid were plummeted onto the roads surface and skiddied harshly along the gritty floor.

Daryl also hit the deck but was soon on his feet and whirling around, his eyes wide and searching for her.

“Jess?!”

From the gutter, Jess stuck a hand in the air and Enid groaned next to her, rolling over onto her back and holding her head.

“I’m here. I think” Jess moaned.

Hands took hold of her jacket and heaved her upright, her legs buckled and she clung to him, her eyes blinking the grit away and making out his blurry figure.

“Y’alright?” He rasped.

“Well…my eyebrows don’t hurt.” She croaked.

Enid got to her feet and brushed her clothing down. She swapped a worried look with Daryl and slid her hand under Jess’s forearm. She flinched when the crack of gunfire interrupted her attempt to bring Jess back to her senses.

“Go! Run!” Daryl ordered.

One more man stepped out from the gate amongst the smoke and falling cloud of grey and let rip with a high-powered rifle. The sound cracked through Jess’s already timid ears and prodded the now increasingly growing ball of fury that was sitting tight in her chest. Daryl returned fire as best he could but Jess was reaching the end of her tether. Her arm was being yanked in one direction by Enid who was imploring her to follow while she used cars and trash cans as cover. A brief halt in the shooting slowed everything down for Jess and she let her impulsivity take over, no longer able to fight it.

_He’s reloading._

She grasped at her bow and stepped out from behind a car, swiftly nocking an arrow and drawing the strings back. Daryl’s heart all but stopped when he lay eyes on her. The woman he cared about, standing in the middle of the street and open to attack.

“No! Jess! What are ya doin?!” He cried. He ran at her with every intention of bundling her back behind the empty car, but she released the arrow and he stopped, his boots skidding slightly. He slowly turned his head to find the man in the gateway falling backwards with Jess’s arrow firmly embedded right between his Eyes. Suddenly snapping out of her determined trace, her mouth fell open and she stared in astonishment at what was an incredibly accurate shot.

“C’mon. We gotta get outta here.” Daryl urged from her side. His fingertips grazed the arm of her jacket.

“Did you see that shot?!” She asked in amazement “Did you see that _amazing shot?!”_

“ _Really,_ Jess?! You want me to throw ya a damn party?!” he exclaimed in frustration “We gotta get outta here. Walkers will be comin’ in for miles around ‘cause of the racket we made.” He wandered off, mumbling to a scared and confused Enid to follow him.

“But that was some Hawkeye shit right there” Jess mumbled blankly to herself while following on, disappointed at the lack of credit she’d received for such a movie-worthy shot.

At the end of the street, they took a left and Daryl was happy to see that the car they’d borrowed from Alexandria was still parked at the sidewalk and didn’t appear to have any smashed windows. Carl would still be in one piece. He wondered how he was going to explain it all away to Rick when he returned and figured that his best bet was honesty, although it would get the kid into trouble, it was his own responsibility to deal with his dishonesty. It was something Daryl had to do as far back as he could remember. He had no one to bail him out of anything if Merle was in prison or away with the military. It was how he’d grown and evolved into the kind of person that looked out for himself and relied on no one.

A yelp from Jess’s left saw her spinning around to find Enid being held by a skinny, dirty, long haired man with hardly any teeth. He had his arm around her throat and a gun pointed to the side of her head. She didn’t struggle or move, but Jess could see the terror in her eyes when a tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. The man was grinning manically from ear to ear, flashing his gappy smile and striking a sinister fear into Jess’s heart. She’d seen this kind of smile before, in horror movies and on Halloween masks. The reality of it being ten times worse. A shiver ran down her spine.

“Daryl” She whispered, seeing him stop and turn in her peripheral vision.

“You’re not taking her. She belongs to us. Finders, Keepers.” The man told them. Spittle sprayed from his mouth and Enid grimaced when he pushed his face to the side of her head and smelt her hair.

“I’ma wipe that shit-eatin’ grin off ya face” Daryl warned, raising his gun.

The man began to laugh. A throaty, mucus-filled laugh that seemed to boom through the trees and surrounding area. It made Jess nauseous to think of how bad he must smell, right next to Enid’s face.

“It’s alriiight!” He chuckled. “I’ll just kill her, then. Take this one instead.” He nudged his head up at Jess. Her stomach bubbled with bile and she could literally see Daryl’s body tense with rage.

“I’m gonna fuckin’ kill you” He growled.

“You and your little town. Over there with your precious women and your food and medicine. Y’all think you got it made. But y’all are gonna die. We’re all infected. Every last one of us. So why not have a little fun bef-”

The red mist descended and Jess’s vision blurred with crimson tones. It was almost dark but it wasn’t the lack of light that was hindering her. Her ears rang and she thought her eardrum had burst. Everything was muffled. Daryl’s voice, Enid’s voice. Her eyes lowered to the ground and she blinked the red away to find the man’s headless body slumped over her shoes. She swallowed and regained her hearing, shakily stepping back away from the body.

“Carl?!” She heard Daryl gasp.

She looked up and sue enough, Carl was standing there with a shotgun in his hands, his chest heaving and his mouth open. Enid threw herself at him, knocking the gun to one side and wrapping her arms around him. He dropped the gun and slowly raised his hands, placing them on her back and blinking in shock.

 _I’ll be damned. Kid blew the guys fucking brains out._ Jess thought.

Daryl swooped over to Jess, his hands brushing her hood back and her mask down and picking leaves and twigs from her hair. Her face was covered with the spray of blood from Carl’s unexpected headshot.

“Close ya eyes.” He told her. She complied, now too exhausted to complain and totally done with the day altogether. She wanted nothing more than to crawl into her bed and once the adrenaline worse off, she was sure she would sleep for a week. He gently smoothed his thumbs and forefingers over her eyelids, ridding her of the wet, coppery substance. His eyes stopped on the swelling under her eye and across her cheekbone where she’d been backhanded and he was surprised to find that emotion knotted in every part of him.   
  
_Somebody hit her. Somebody hit Jess. My Jess._

“Open ya eyes.” He rasped.

There he was, the man that wiped her tears, held her at night and protected her from nightmares, cleaned mud from her body, checked her for wounds and rubbed blood from her face. His eyes were filled with concern and his bottom lip was shaking ever so slightly.

“You good?”

She was tired and shocked and had seen enough death and violence for one day. She was sure that the events of the last hour would stay with her forever but the last thing she wanted at that point, was to fill him with more concern.

“Mm...I’m…dandy.” She mumbled.

Through their whole exchange, Enid had refused to let go of Carl, who was now enveloping her in a bear hug and gently swaying from side to side, whispering in her ear and stroking her long ponytail. Daryl’s shoulders relaxed and he sighed, holding back a smile at such a sweet sight. It was what Carl had wanted all along, the chance to save her, to protect her and comfort her. Daryl understood, mainly because he wanted the same for Jess. He briefly looked at her, finally letting himself smile when he noticed her beaming at the two hugging teenagers like a proud parent.

Eventually, Jess managed to prize Enid away and took her to the car, sitting her in the back seat and signalling to Daryl that she needed a minute alone with her. He didn’t need to ask why, figuring that Enid had been in the clutches of a violent and dangerous group of men and as a female, there were certain questions that needed to be asked as soon as possible. He wandered over to Carl, receiving a sheepish look.

“What did I tell you, Carl?” He asked while scanning the street around them.

“Stay in the Car.” Carl replied sadly.

“That’s right. And what did you _not_ do?”

“Stay in the car.”

“Yup.”

“I’m sorry” Carl offered sincerely. Daryl lit a smoke after delighting in the fact that the packet hadn’t been completely squashed in his pocket from all the action. He exhaled heavily and Carl watched the bluish smoke rise into the air above him.

“Good job, kid.” Daryl said. The look on the Grime’s boy’s face was an absolute picture, pure confusion laced with a little trepidation. He didn’t dare smile just yet, unsure of weather or not Daryl was luring him into a false sense of security. Instead, he stayed still and stared at him.

“What?” he squeaked.

“Saved her life.” Daryl pointed out.

The realisation hit him and he exhaled, rubbing at his forehead under his sheriffs’ hat. His hair was scraggly and wet from his profuse sweating. Psychologically, it was no easy feat to blow someone’s head clean off with a shotgun at close range.

“Thanks” he said with a small laugh.

“You tell her ya like her yet?” Daryl enquired with a step closer to him.

“No” Carl admitted.

“Hmm”. Daryl hummed thoughtfully. “Alright. Well, just so ya know; if you pull this shit again, I’ma rat you out to the girl.”

His face dropped and worry crossed his features. He slowly shook his head and prepared to beg Daryl to keep his mouth shut, stopping only when he saw a smirk form on his lips.

“I’m just playin’, man.” He sniggered. “I’m serious though, you do this again n’ I will make ya life pretty difficult. You gotta be safe. You don’t know how much it’d mess ya ol’ man up if he lost ya. And um…and me. It’d mess me up too.”

Carl, having grown up way faster than he should have done and being wise beyond his years, was not without his faults. But Daryl respected the courage he possessed and his willingness to help others. He was most definitely his father’s son and the traits that shone in Carl were everything that Daryl admired in Rick. He could only hope to one day be the kind of man that could lead a group, now a community, like Rick did. Carl stuck his hand out, offering to solidify his promise and Daryl accepted, shaking his hand and nodding towards the car.

Jess stood with her arms crossed and her mask and hood down at the trunk of the car when Daryl placed the rocket launcher inside along with his crossbow. He kept his gun in his waistband and slammed the trunk shut. Unable to avoid her piercing gaze, he finished his smoke, flicked it away and raised his eyebrows at her.

“What’cha lookin’ at?”

“As if things weren’t exciting enough for you, you show up with that big, spicy weapon.”

“Like the guy said; finders, keepers.” He shrugged.

She leaned forwards with her gloved hands on the trunk and grinned at him, ignoring the Walkers that were starting to filter out between the houses towards the fire at the college. He could tell that she was working up to tease him or provoke him into an exchange of jest and after the day they’d had, he welcomed the change in conversation. She inspected his scratched and cut arms, remembering that he must have cut his hands and making a mental note to check them when they had a chance to breathe.

“You’re just a redneck glitter bomb of glory, aintcha?” she chuckled, suddenly remembering a phrase that Abraham had said to her in the armoury one afternoon. “Aint nothin’ like a man with a great, big…gun, Daryl.”

He scoffed and shyly nibbled on his lower lip, rocking back slightly on his heels. He searched his mind for an appropriate flirtatious comment to throw back at her but everything that presented its self was either too ‘Merle-like’ and graphic or not witty enough and so, he endured his reddened cheeks and burning ears and simply laughed bashfully at her.

“Get in the car, girl.”

* * *

The night was black. A velvet canopy across the sky with twinkling diamonds. The lack of street lighting meant the world, or what was left of it, was now able to appreciate the stars and planets on show unlike ever before. It was unfortunate that it took a global catastrophe for those still alive to take the time to look up and contemplate how small and insignificant the earth is in such a vast and complex universe.

It was Enid that asked to stop and camp somewhere for the night. She admitted she hadn’t eaten for almost twelve hours and the trembling of her hands corroborated her claim. Jess pulled the car into a gap in the trees on a country road, bumping it over the terrain as far into the woods as she could go, until the dense trees stopped her from being able to conceal the car from the road anymore. They set up camp, using the tree trunks to lean against and lighting a fire with which they used to heat up tins of pasta and beans that were stashed in every car and truck in Alexandria, just in case. Daryl fashioned a Walker alert system from string and metal trash items from the side of the road. Tins, parts of alloys, plastic bottles and bags would make enough noise to alert them if anything undead, or alive for that matter decided to walk through their camp. He’d picked off a couple of Walkers from the surrounding area while scouting for any danger but saw no other signs of disturbance. They were safe for the time being, but they would have to keep their wits about them and take it in turns to sleep.

Jess was leaning against the car, watching Carl and Enid talk in hushed tones when Daryl returned from scouting their surroundings.

“Should be safe enough.” He announced.

“Good. I’ll take first watch” She suggested. “Can I…Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Her request seemed to catch him off guard and his mind raced at the possible subjects she may want to discuss. He nodded and gestured to the dark clearing behind the car where they’d driven in. They walked a few feet away, out of earshot to Carl and Enid and Daryl told himself that going forward, such private conversations were likely to be taxing and emotional when he thought of how far their relationship had progressed.

She awkwardly tapped her thigh in front of him. He said nothing, allowing her to work up to whatever she wanted to say. Multiple times, she opened her mouth to speak only to find that nothing happened and she recoiled back into herself, huffing and screwing her face up. She knew what she wanted to say, but there was just no easy way of saying it.

_I love you. I could have lost you today. I need you to know that I love you._

Suddenly, words didn’t seem enough to convey the depths of her true feelings for him. Not knowing what else to do, she closed the gap between them and slid her arms around his middle, turning her head and pushing the side of her face against his chest. He smelled of sweat and leather and nicotine, but it was just the way she liked him. Loved him. Just the way he was. His body tensed initially but she soon heard him swallow hard and position his arms around her shoulders. She closed her eyes when he rested his chin against the side of her head. It could have all been over in a second, all it would have taken was a shot. One, shot in the wrong place and one of them could have been dead. The other forced to go on without the one person they truly cared for more than anyone else.

“Sorry.” She said against his leather vest. He dropped his arms and she broke away from him but he held onto her hand, lightly clutching her fingertips.

“No” He whispered “I needed that as much as you.”

She offered him a feeble smile. It was all she could do to stop herself from planting a risky and dangerous kiss on him with Carl and Enid in such close proximity. She couldn’t even be sure if they’d been rumbled by Carl earlier that day, the last thing they needed was for Enid to catch them as well.

Daryl dropped her hand but she refused to move back anymore. She traced the edge of his vest with her fingertips, slowly moving them up, then down again.

“That was some pretty cool shit back there, Rambo.” She told him.

“Thanks. You too. The skin thing, the branding. Got me in and past four guys before they realised it wasn’t mine. Good thinkin’. And that shot ya took…was badass.” He confessed. Her heart leapt. He did appreciate it. After all, he’d taught her how to use her bow and how to fight, the reason she’d fared so well in what was a chaotic and dangerous situation was because Daryl had taught her. If she really wanted to ponder the scale of things, she would have been dead many times over if he hadn’t told her how to kill Walkers, hunt and skin animals and fight with a knife.

“I know” She shrugged ”it was nothing.” He chuckled under his breath at her and stopped instantly when the corners of her mouth dropped and she hesitantly peered up at him.

“Do I, uh…do I really piss you off?” She wanted to know.

Guilt swept over him. She’d remembered something that he’d long forgotten. He always took pride in his code, part of which was only saying the things he meant, but Jess had changed him and he found her both captivating and able to irritate him easier than anybody else ever had. He’d heard Rick talk about how Lori used to be the only person that could rouse such rage in him, but he’d explained that it stemmed from the ones we’re closest to being the ones that can truly press our buttons. Jess got under his skin without him even realising it but he would have it no other way. For the most part, she was a ray of sunshine in his dark and dreary existence, a sign of hope and her sense of humour was uniquely able to penetrate his hardened exterior. He hadn’t meant what he’d carelessly thrown at her in the car and he promised himself to make more of a marked effort to stick by his own code.

“Sometimes.” He confessed.

“I’m sorry.”

“Nah, you’re like math.”

“Math?” She questioned sceptically.

“Yeah. Difficult at times, but worth gettin’ to know.” He explained.

Jess laughed and playfully nudged him in the arm, being careful not to aggravate any of the many cuts and bruises he’d acquired.

“That is a backhanded compliment if ever I heard one but I will take it.” She grinned.

* * *

Enid slept as soundly as possible using Jess’s backpack as a pillow and the casual clothes from inside it as a blanket. Daryl set about finding wood and carving arrows across from Jess, with the fire in-between them with the odd, tension laden glance swapped between them. She got butterflies in her stomach every time he looked over the flames at her with his steely blue eyes and his serious expression and when Carl plonked himself down cross-legged beside her, she was happy for the distraction. Getting caught drooling over Daryl was not in her plan for the evening.

The space either side of the fire was not wide enough for conversations now to be overheard by accident, but Jess kept her voice to a whisper nonetheless and leaned towards Carl.

“Why’d you go all Steve Rogers on me?” She demanded.

“Huh?”

“You told Daryl what I said about him when I asked you not to. That was supposed to be a covert operation, smart-ass.” She scolded with a slight push of his knee. His face dropped when he remembered his lapse and the breaking of her trust. He hadn’t intended to disclose anything secret, rather Daryl had dragged it out of him and he found himself talking and regretting every word.

“I didn’t mean to. It just came out. Sorry.” He pleaded.

“It’s fine. It’s done now. He’s knows.” She informed him with a quick peep at Daryl, who was busy holding up an arrow in the light of the fire and painstakingly carving it to perfection. “It was horribly embarrassing and yes, I hope you feel guilty.”

“Hey, even Steve Rodgers makes mistakes.” He pointed out.

Much to her disgust, he did have a point. Captain America did indeed, make mistakes. But not many and he made up for it by saving the world.

“Alright, alright, just forget it.” She said, rolling her eyes.

“Did it work?” He hushed at her.

“Hmm? Did what work?”

“Daryl. He knows that you think he’s a good person. Are you guys-”

“-No. No. we are not. That is none of your business anyway.” She confirmed with an awkward clearing of her throat and fidgeting in her spot. “Change the subject.”

“Okay…um…Who’s your favourite Superhero? Don’t say Vision, we already discussed him.” He instructed smugly.

Jess thought for a moment, and found herself observing Daryl across the glow of the fire. She liked the way he furrowed his brow when he concentrated and applied such focus and intensity to his task. It was the same way he’d given her his undivided attention when he helped her to wash the mud from her skin after dislocating her shoulder. In turn, this prompted her to remember all of the things he’d done for her, from fetching her a pack of pens on a run to staying by her side and allowing her to sleep in his arms to quieten her dreams. In the real world, Daryl Dixon was her favourite superhero.

“Bucky Barnes.” She said confidently.

“The Winter Soldier? Interesting” Carl mused. “More of anti-hero, though.”

“Nah-uh” Jess disagreed with a shake of her head. She picked up a twig and began drawing in the dust as she spoke, starting with a circle, followed by a star in the middle “Bucky was a victim of hydra. He was a good man but through no fault of his own was turned into someone he didn’t want to be. Yeah, he did bad things but he was brainwashed and didn’t know any better.” Through the circle in the dust she began to draw lines, horizontally across and stepped in the middle. Carl listened intently. “Once he was out of the control of the bag guys, he was able to choose and he chose to be good. He was hard on himself for his past, sure. But the people that loved him knew who he really was and what he was forced to do. He didn’t have the best childhood either, and that can have a big effect on a person’s morals…their code. Come out the other side of that a decent person and you only have yourself to thank. Nobody else.”

Without Jess’s knowledge, Daryl could hear everything and he glanced up from his task, seeing Carl leaning towards her, enthralled by her interpretation of a misunderstood character and his eyes transfixed on the symbol she was drawing on the ground. Under the guise of carving arrows, Daryl continued to lend an ear to the revealing explanation she had to offer. For some reason, he felt exposed and uncomfortable listening to her talk about what made a person good, despite their past.

“I feel like he spent a lot of time running from his past and that’s something a lot of us can relate to. Especially now.” She finished up her dust drawing and Carl titled his head, giving the image of The Winter Soldier’s symbol an affirming nod. “Also, he’s very nice to look at” She chuckled. “Those blue eyes just drew me right in.”

“More of a Black Widow fan myself.” Carl chimed in with a smile.

“Gotcha” She winked.

Carl occupied himself for the next minute by drawing more Marvel character symbols in the dust and scuffing them out with his boot. When he dropped the twig and looked over at Enid, his gaze lingered there as he observed the sleeping girls face and the way her pain seemed to dissipate when she was lulled into a slumber.

“You think she’ll be okay?” He asked Jess.

“Yeah, with us watching over her. Sure.” She assured him. “They didn’t touch her. Aside from the black eye to knock her out. We were just in time. She’s still working through some stuff though. I heard she watched her parents die. Some things never get easier to live with”

She heard a faint hum of agreement from him and dragged her bow across the ground towards her, resting it across both of their legs and taking out a piece of rag from her inside pocket. She grit her teeth as she put all her effort into ripping it into two halves, successfully managing to separate it and handing him one half. Wordlessly, she began dusting and buffing the frame of the bow at one end, with Carl soon following her actions at the other.

“I watched my mom die too.” Carl mumbled.

Once again, Daryl slowly lifted his head, this time staring at Carl through his hair. He’d never heard him talk about his mother before, even when Daryl had offered up his experience of his own mothers death to convey that no matter how painful it was, it is possible to live with it and that Carl wouldn’t be alone. Even then, he hadn’t witnessed Carl actively surrender such information, not to Rick, not to him. Not to anyone. Apparently, Jess had the knack for encouraging people to talk to her.

“You did?” She gently asked.

“When she was giving birth to Judith… I had to shoot her”

Jess closed her eyes for a second and tried to fathom the amount of strength it must have taken for a kid to come to terms with having to go through with such a horrendous act. She didn’t think anyone should have to endure the terrors that the apocalypse brought, least of all children. She placed her hand over his.

“Y’know, your mom, where ever she is, is super proud of you. Everybody always says the same thing; ‘we’ve all lost people’…but it’s okay to miss her.” She soothed.

“You miss your family?” He asked.

“Everyday.” She smiled, remembering their faces and their quirks. The places they’d lived, their individual laughs and personalities. She missed them terribly but they were always there, carried in her heart and sharing a piece of her soul and as long as she lived, so would they.

“I wish Judith didn’t have to grow up without a mom. She would have loved her, a lot.” He sighed sadly.

“You should talk to her about your mom.” She proposed “As she gets older, you could tell her things. What she liked, what made her laugh and smile, the trips you went on, the memories you made.” She gently pat his hand and resumed her dusting of the bows frame.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.” He contemplated. “Then, they’ll be like her memories too. I like that. What do you remember about your mom?”

Jess chuckled to herself and looked up at the trees, casting her mind back to before the turn. In the days when everyone was safer and happier than they realised.

“Well, she was five foot nothing and I remember my brother was getting on her nerves one day. She tried to yell at him, but even as a teenager he was so tall in comparison that it was like watching her yell at a bird in the sky. My dad lifted her right up and put her on a chair so that she could scold him face to face.”

Carl giggled animatedly and Jess’s vision swung over to Daryl, who was looking intently at her with the faintest curve of his lips.

“Hey, Carl?” Daryl called out. “Should sit right here, next to her.” He got up from the ground and gathered his knife and I carved pieces of wood. Rounding the fire he looked down at Carl. “Should be there for her when she wakes up”   
  


With that, Carl said nothing but quickly switched places with Daryl, who settled down next to Jess. 

“Somebody hit you” he mentioned, much to Jess’s surprise. Her hand instinctively went to the tender patch of skin along her cheekbone and she thought she may well have a matching shiner with Enid. 

  
“Yeah. It’s nothing though. It’ll fade.” She brushed off.

”You kill him?” He wanted to know.   
  


“Yeah.” She replied solemnly. Killing wasn’t something that would ever sit well with her, even if it was a case of them or her. It was a part of survival, but that didn’t make it any easier.   
  
“Don’t feel bad” he said “I know you. You feel bad. If you hadn’t of killed him, I would have. I’ll kill any motherfucker that touches you.”

She didn’t respond. Partly due to having no idea how to. Was he saying this because he had genuine, romantic feelings for her? Or, was it just Daryl being protective of someone he saw as his one, close friend? The close friend that he kissed. Jess contemplated the fact that even though a conversation had been instigated and awkwardly discussed, she still was no closer to finding out exactly how he saw her and until then, she was still treading a kind of of tightrope that meant the difference between plummeting into disappointment or balancing on a wire of uncertainty. She knew that she loved him and that was not going to change, but would she ever be able to love him the way she wanted to, the way she needed to? Out in the open with no shame and no secrets. Only time and even more patience would tell. 


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you all for the comments! I hope everyone is safe and well and staying inside so we can all get over this horrid virus and get back out into the world! 
> 
> This is a very long chapter, but significantly moves our paring along ;)

Exhaustion was not the word. In fact, there wasn’t a strong enough word that Jess could pluck out of the air to explain how tired everyone was when they finally rolled back through the gates. The sun was high in the sky and she could tell that Rick and Deanna were on the verge of sending out a search party by the look of the small gathering of worried faces on Deanna’s front lawn.

Enid was the first to climb from the car, followed by Carl, who was promptly swept into Rick’s arms after he’d sprinted across the lawn and path to the gate. Following Rick, was Carol who wasted no time in approaching Daryl and draping her arms over his shoulders. He returned her embrace and Jess sheepishly watched from the other side of the car. She didn’t see such a thing often, or ever, when she really thought about it. Daryl wasn’t a hugger; he’d said it himself. But he made exceptions for Jess and now, as far as she could tell, for Carol too. When he dropped his arms and walked to the car’s trunk, he flung it open and retrieved his crossbow, turning to find that Carol was not satisfied with one hug and no explanation and she was hovering around him with an angry glare.

“Where did you go?! We were worried.” She demanded.

“The girl got taken. Those assholes that attacked this place. Had to go get her.” Was his short and basic reply.

“Oh god, is everybody okay?” She looked around and with her eyes, quickly scanned Carl and Enid, who was awkwardly standing on the side-lines and hugging her torso. Then, she noticed Jess from under her hood, and the harsh bruise across her cheekbone.

“Jess! What happened?!” She cried, surging past Daryl and reaching out to push her hood back. Jess flinched and jolted backwards, swerving out of her reach.

“Oh, I got slapped. It looks worse than it is.” She dismissed, grabbing her backpack from the trunk and throwing it over one shoulder.

“That looks very sore.” Carol mentioned.

“I’ve had more troublesome zits. Honestly, it’s fine.” She assured her.

A light tap on her shoulder saw her flinch again, her uneasiness down to the sudden attention and stares she was receiving. Apparently, their absence had been noticed by most of the town. Enid lowered her hand and twisted it inside the sleeve of her dirty hoodie

“Thank you, guys.” She said quietly. “For coming to get me.”

“Sure. Maybe you should stay inside the walls now from now on though, hmm?” Jess suggested, horrified by the thought of her getting recaptured. Enid, clearly traumatised by her ordeal didn’t have to agree, a slight nod of her head told Jess that she wasn’t likely to be going on another solo jaunt anytime soon.

“Hey, if you need me, just let me know. If you need to get out you can come to the fairground.” She proposed as she took hold of the girls sleeve covered hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. A subtle but genuinely thankful smile was all Enid could manage before she backed away and started walking along the sidewalk.

“Enid, wait.” Carl called out. But before he went to her, he broke away from Rick, veered over to a puzzled Jess and took a quick glance over his shoulder in case anybody was listening. By that point, people were gathering around Daryl, who was being forced into explaining the ins and outs of everything they’d endured for the last day. Jess caught Aaron’s eye across the crowd and he stared, wide-eyed at her cheek and mouthed the words ‘are you okay?’ at her. She nodded and waved him off, replying in the same way and telling him she’d catch him later.

“Jess” Carl whispered “I wanna tell her. I think I have a good shot now.”

“Well, you did blow a guys head off for her. I think so too.” She grinned. The pulling of the tissue in her face when she smiled made the swelling of her bruise thrum with pain, but she pushed it aside.

“How do I know if she likes me back? What if she doesn’t say anything?” he fretted.

“Look at her eyes.” She told him. “When we’re around someone we love, or that we’re attracted to, our pupils dilate. But, Carl…this stuff, it doesn’t happen overnight when it’s complicated by a third person being in the mix. It’s a process and you’ve started it by being there for her and protecting her. She _does_ have a boyfriend and unless she tells you otherwise, you can’t really make a move. Be honest, but respect the boundaries. Got it?”

“Got it. Thanks, for everything.” He said sincerely.

“Don’t be stupid. Go on, now. She’s waiting for you.”

Carl immediately spun around and walked over to Enid and Jess felt a strange sense of pride when she overheard him ask her if he could walk her home. Feeling someone’s eyes on her, she checked the group of people to her left to find Daryl watching her as Rick, Deanna, Carol and Aaron all discussed the information he’d given them.

She held a thumb out and used it to gesture to the gate and he understood that she was telling him that she’d had enough, she was heading home. He wound his way around the group and paced back and forth a couple of times, not content with Jess wandering around alone after everything they’d just been through. Carol noticed his unsettled demeanour and broke away from the others as he started to walk towards the gate, following on after Jess when she disappeared from sight. Carol broke into a jog, tapping his arm and halting him before he left the compound. He turned to find a solid smirk on her face and her lips pursed. She said nothing and her shoulders swished back and forth slightly, as if she were expecting a golden piece of gossip and couldn’t hold back her excitement.

“What?” Daryl sighed.

“You kissed her yet?” She asked boldly.

Daryl huffed to himself but didn’t speak a word, his eyes and body language conveying everything as he shifted from one foot to the other and pushed his lips into a thin line. With one hand on his crossbow strap, the other toyed nervously with a hole in the side seam of his dirty, ripped jeans. Carol could see his ears turning pink and she’d never been so proud of him.

“You have” She stated with a wink.

“Y’know, if money was still a thing, I could have bet a hundred bucks that you were gonna ask me that.” Daryl relayed in exasperation. When Carol was on a mission, she rarely backed down and had her ways of getting what she wanted. Too many people had underestimated her intelligence and cunning. But not Daryl, he knew Carol better than anyone.

“I’m proud of you, Pookie.” She beamed.

“Shut up.” He grunted with a thin layer of amusement.

“Go get her.” She told him as she walked backwards to join the others. “I’ll see you later.”

“Later.” He called back.

* * *

Jess was pushing through the undergrowth and shoving branches aside when she heard Daryl approach. She didn’t bother to turn around or acknowledge his presence at first, she was concentrating too hard on getting back to the fairground, to her comfortable clothing and bucket of clean water to wash the dust and mud from her skin. More than anything else, she just wanted her bed and she didn’t care one, single iota that it was the middle of the afternoon.

“Shouldn’t be out here alone no more.” He heard him express from behind her.

She didn’t stop walking, her boots crunching and snapping twigs under foot as she pressed on. It had been expected, the idea that no one, especially female should be seen alone outside the walls now a group of armed and dangerous men had been humiliated by having something precious stolen from right under their noses. But Jess wasn’t phased in the slightest. To her, the danger was no more relevant now than it ever had been before.

“In case you hadn’t noticed. I’m a certified badass now.” She boasted. The fencing to her home loomed over the tall bushes in the distance and she’d not been so glad to see it since after the attack on Alexandria

“Never said ya wasn’t.” He felt the need to say, assuring her of his belief in her ability to take care of herself. He hadn’t followed her because he thought she was incapable; he’d followed her for his own peace of mind. That, and the more he’d had to face the notion of losing her and seeing her hurt over the passing weeks, the more he was realising how deep his feelings really stretched.

“I’m so tired I feel like my eyeballs might fall out of my head and my bones are made of pure dust. I need a shower and around six months of sleep, but sure, follow me home. I don’t mind. Really!” She rambled. Reaching the gate, she unlocked it and wandered inside, shooting him a knowing look while stepping to one side and allowing him inside.

_I’m going to sleep if you’re here or not, buddy. But if you want to curl up with me, I won’t say no._

Ignoring her blatant sarcasm, he followed her to the diner, through the door and dropped his tired body onto the edge of the bed, listening to her potter around and clean up. His eyes were heavy and his body ached, the cuts and scrapes on his arms were also starting to sting but he told himself he would deal with them in due course, he had other priorities to handle in the meantime. On the table by the bed, he picked up a piece of white, nylon twine. It was partially braided, neatly and with precision until halfway along, where it had frayed and been abandoned. He set about rectifying it, his problem-solving mind taking to the small task quickly and welcoming something else to focus on aside from how tired he was.

Eventually Jess sank down beside him on the bed and yawned. He noted her sweatpants and loose T-shirt. She most definitely was ready for bed and it wasn’t even dark yet. She observed his fiddly task as he braided the twine and took one of his hands in hers. Her skin was soft and warm and he wanted to hold onto her and snuggle into her like never before but he pushed his urges away and remained stoic. She ran her fingertips over the littering of small cuts across his palms.

“Should really get these cleaned up.” She mused.

“I will.” He mumbled, stealing a glance at her. “How’s the cheekbone?”

She tilted her head back and lowered her eyes, frowning at the result it presented.

“Well, I can see it without a mirror and that can’t be good. I’ll put something cold on it tonight.” She said. Having not had much time to pay any attention to how she might look, it dawned on her that her face must look horrendous for Carol and Aaron to notice it at a distance. She could see for herself that it was swollen and discoloured, but to be able to detect the blurry outline of it whenever she looked down meant that her current appearance didn’t bear thinking about. “Heeeey, you guys!” She exclaimed in a deep and slurred voice, hoping that Daryl would catch onto the reference and she wouldn’t have to explain her joke to him.

“You do _not_ look like Sloth. Don’t be an idiot.” He muttered before bringing the twine to his mouth and gripping it with his teeth to tighten it. She decided there and then that she liked him even more for having seen The Goonies and clicking onto her joke so quickly.

Her eyes moved down to his arms. Smeared with dirt and blood and shiny with sweat. She didn’t know how he could look as though he’d been dragged through a swamp but still managed to completely captivate her until she was almost drooling. He certainly was attractive, unconventionally and in a rough and ready kind of way, but knowing the man under the exterior only enforced it.

“You don’t want to go and get some rest?” She enquired.

“Wanna hang around a while, make sure we aint been followed. You livin’ out here all alone, it aint such a good idea. Need to keep you around in case ya need to save my life again.”

The last part of his sentence lingered in her head, echoing back and forth and she wondered why he would say such a thing. She hadn’t saved his life back at the college. In fact, the only time she had recently, without doubt, saved his life was when he’d been shot. She remembered Denise’s words while sat by his bedside with Rick.

_‘Guys, he’s not going to make it if I don’t get some blood in him and soon.’_

“What do you mean?” She asked

His lips parted and a small breath caught in his throat. He knew he was about to tread on thin ice but he needed to know why she neglected to tell him such a significant piece of information.

“Got your blood in my veins. Can’t just let ‘em have ya.” He uttered.

She stared at the side of his head. His eyes were lowered to his hands where he still fiddled with the twine. He was refusing to look at her. Her stomach lurched. She tried to find the words, tried to come out with something that might help her explain herself but all she felt was dread. She never wanted him to feel indebted. To her, she’d simply helped him out when he needed it. But she was well aware that his train of thought was not akin to hers.

“You know about that.” Was all she could say.

“Yup. Carol. She thought I knew. I should have known. You should have told me.” He said sadly. “Why didn’t you?”

She shrugged wordlessly and lifted her hands in a motion that told Daryl she was searching for some kind of explanation herself. It did little to fill him with confidence.

“Wasn’t much to tell.” She blurted out. Daryl’s eyebrows pinched together and he felt himself flush with anger.

_Not much to fuckin’ tell?! Is she playin’ with me right now? She saved my god damn life and she thinks there aint much to tell?!_

_“_ You just needed a top up and I happened to have some spare. That’s all.” She added nonchalantly.

Then, he turned his head and looked at her blasé expression. His face hardened and she could sense he was growing angrier by the second. She may not have wanted him to think much of it, but it was becoming evident that he already did.

“Don’t do that.” He warned her.

“What? Do what?” She asked innocently.

“Don’t you dare fuckin’ trivialise it like that. Carol told me everythin’. She said you almost passed out and I know I’d be dead if it wasn’t for you. Why didn’t you tell me, Jess?”

“Alright! Just…don’t get mad at me. Please. We are both too tired for that crap.” She pleaded as she changed position on the edge of the bed, turning her body to face him. “I didn’t say anything because I know what you’re like with accepting help. I didn’t want you to feel like you owed me anything or you needed to thank me. I don’t want any of that. I just wanted you to be okay and you are and that’s all that matters.”

“But Jess…I do” He said softly. His tone had changed dramatically and she wanted to hug him for trying to understand instead of flying off the handle and being impulsive “I do owe you-”

“-No! See! No. You Don’t.” She interrupted with one finger extended at him “I couldn’t sit around and wait for you to die when I had what was needed to help you. Don’t make this a big deal. You’ve saved my ass more times than I can count. It was nothing, do you hear me?”

He didn’t know what to say and the seconds turned into long, drawn-out minutes. Jess fiddled with the edge of her T-shirt, rolling up the hem and letting it down again. She held her fingers to her face under her eye and winced at the pain. It was all she could do not to focus on how mortified she was at how he’d forced her to be so honest.

“I get it” She heard him say eventually “If it was you…I’d do the same thing.”

“So, you can’t be mad at me for not telling you.” She threw in, hoping that whatever he was feeling was not going to manifest into an irate barrage of questions and a telling off. When he rested a hand on her knee and sighed deeply, she told herself that maybe just maybe, she should give up assuming things about Daryl and just wait for him to surprise her, although that was easier said than done.

“I aint mad atcha. Just don’t want ya to keep shit from me. You don’t want me to owe ya, fine, I won’t. But you gotta know that I’m grateful. More than you know.”

Her thoughts began to bustle in her head. So many ideas and notions, explanations that had no foundations. Jess was an overthinker when it came to such affairs and being exhausted wasn’t helping. She tried to keep herself in check, to follow a more logical train of thought rather than letting her emotions take over. But self-doubt was also playing a part and as she thought back over their last kiss and their conversation in the fairground, she couldn’t help but wonder;

_Is this why he’s been so into me? Is this why he started that conversation? Is this why he kissed me the way he did before Carl turned up? Because he was…grateful?!_

“I um, I’m not keeping anything else from you.” She lied “Can we just move on from this now?”

She suffered the weight of the things she hadn’t told him and didn’t plan on admitting. Mainly, that she was so in love with him that she could barely think about anything else.

“K” He grumbled. “M’sorry I was a dick in the car yesterday”

Reassured that the subject was over and done with, she resigned herself to the fact that he wasn’t going to be leaving anytime soon and if she was completely truthful, she just wanted to sleep.

“It’s okay. I wasn’t exactly polite either.” She responded.

“Just didn’t want my best friend to get killed.” He added.

It hit her like a freight train. Jess was certain she could feel a piece of her heart crumble away at the words. It was everything she didn’t want to hear, but should have been happy to nonetheless. Unable to help feeling totally crushed by being labelled as his best friend and nothing more, she put on the bravest face she could but felt the resentment swelling deep inside her. She’d held out for so long, hoping that one day, he would tell her that the reason he kissed her was because he liked her or, she would never be able to trust what was happening and now, she felt like her paranoia and overthinking was justified; he was probably only kissing her because it was a way to occupy his time, have a little fun and thank her for saving his life.

“Best friend? Are we in 5th grade?” She complained. Her thinly veiled irritation rolled off of her tongue and she could barely control it.

“Forget it.” He scoffed.

“No, I’m serious. Should we have matching bracelets or something? I could make some, decorate them with little seashells. It’d be cute.” She snipped.

Part of her didn’t care if he picked up on her very deliberate sarcasm. It was on the tip of her tongue, ready to bite.

“I got an idea, why don’t we just sit… and not talk.” He announced.

“Fine by me” She shuffled back on the bed, and crawled up to the pillow. She lay on her side, facing him and fought to keep her eyes open, the events of the last few hours taking their toll as well as the devastating blow of finding out that her hopes for her relationship with Daryl had been well and truly dashed.

She could see him fiddling with the twine but took no notice as she traced the edge of the quilt with her fingertip. He turned his body to face her, bending his leg on the bed and held something out to her. Her vision flickered up to the object in his hand and she stared down at his fingers, which were holding a white bracelet made from the twine he’d braided.

She gradually looked up at him, observing his somewhat apprehensive expression and just like that, half of the sadness and disappointment she felt dropped away into nothing. He still thought the world of her, he still cared about her and he still saw her as the most important person in his life.

She smiled as she pinched the bracelet between her fingers and slid it onto her wrist. He helped her to fasten it and she rolled onto her back, holding her arm above her to admire her new piece of jewellery. It was as though she could literally feel the intensity of his stare every time his eyes fell onto her and that moment was no different. She made eye contact with him and let out a small snort of laughter, pleased when he did the same.

“Best friends” she repeated thoughtfully. “Best friends don’t usually make out like we do.”

Never one to fall at the first hurdle, she’d made a last, ditch attempt to dig for more. Bringing up their secret trysts almost made the ‘best friends’ label seem a little ridiculous to her and she wondered if he saw it the same way.

“No. They don’t.” He agreed.

She blinked at the ceiling in pure confusion.

_What the hell does that mean, Daryl?! You just gave me a damn friendship bracelet but yesterday we were sucking face and almost having a discussion about this whole mess. Do I keep asking?! I’ll just annoy him. Because I’m annoying for needing to know. Why can’t he just be straight with me?! I need him to be straight with me. He is so frustrating!_

“You…got any idea why we do?” She persisted.

“Do you?”

“It’s rude to answer a question with another question, Stinky.” She snapped. “Not to mention annoying as shit.”

Daryl was intuitive and Jess’s frustration was certainly not lost on him. He’d dug himself enough of a hole to want to crawl back out of it, hating the idea of her being upset because of him. To make things right, he had to give her something, anything that would allow her some clarity. Unwilling to dispel everything that was happening inside his head too soon, he conceded that for the time being, something small would have to suffice, at least until he was ready to face his feelings…or he would mess everything up forever.

He leaned over her, bracing himself on one arm by her side and with his other hand, he moved a lock of dark hair from her forehead. Her eyes seemed to shine in the dim room and she lay entirely still. He lowered his head and brushed the tip of his nose on hers, hearing her breath hitch in her throat. Then, he pressed a tender kiss to her lips and all at once, her head emptied momentarily and all she could think about was his lips on hers and how their kiss grew more and more eager by the second.

_Oookaaaaay. I don’t care if he sees me as a friend, or a girlfriend, or a frickin’ lampshade right now. This kiss is…everything._

She lifted her arms, feeling the twine bracelet indent onto her wrist when she rested it over his broad shoulders. The palm of her other hand smoothed over his dirty, toned arm and he dragged himself closer still, moving further over her and seeking entry with his tongue. Jess’s body lit up when she heard him groan and felt his hand grip at her hip, pushing her down into the mattress and lowering more of his body onto her. He gasped against her and she swallowed hard and panted when he pulled away and dragged a thumb across her lower lip, pink and swollen from his unplanned and suggestive kiss. His chest heaved against hers while he caught his breath and he dipped his head again, gently kissing along her jawline until he reached her ear.

“Do it ‘cause I like it.” He whispered to her shakily.

When she managed to turn her head and find his eyes, he was staring raptly at her with a hunger she hadn’t seen before. He breathed heavily with teeth ever so slightly bared until something in him seemed to click, his eyelids flickered and he crawled backwards, away from her and resumed his initial position on the edge of the bed.

He had to move away. There was no doubt in his mind that if he stayed where he was, with her under him and kissing him the way she did, letting him lavish such attention on her, he would have hazarded taking things to the next level. His body was screaming at him to make a move, to forge a connection that deep down, he knew was there but she was too precious and valuable for him to encourage her into a situation that he wasn’t even sure she wanted to be in.

He closed his eyes when he sensed her run her fingers down his upper arm and tried to gain some control over the testosterone surging through his veins. But her touch and the hushed tones of her soft, tuneful voice just sent another tidal wave of lust crashing over him.

“I like it too” She whispered.

His jaw tightened.

_Shit. She does somethin’ to me. This is fuckin’ intense. I gotta leave._

“Uh…I’ma head back to the house. Talk to Rick. You should get some rest.” He told her.

“O-okay.” She squeaked, a little disappointed and having changed her mind about him staying.

He sprang up and walked to the door, positioning one hand on the handle and pausing. She saw the air leave his lungs and his shoulders sagged. His cheeks and across his nose were a faint, red hue, as if he’d been flustered.

“I’m not…I’m not leavin’ ‘cause I want to. I-I wanna stay n’…” He stammered with a head full of things he wouldn’t dare say to her for fear of offending her or scaring her away. But he wished he could just stay with her, kiss her and explore her until night crept in and morning arrived. ”…never mind. See ya tomorrow.”

She opened her mouth to call out to him, to stop him from leaving but he was out of the door and barrelling towards the gate quicker than she could lift her head from the pillow.

* * *

Two hours of sitting on Aaron and Eric’s front porch the next morning did not turn up one sighting of Daryl and Jess was starting to become suspicious. She also hunted on her own, bringing back a rather rotund Opossum which she proudly dumped on the ground in the entrance to the pantry, just in time to find Coffee being poured. Her face felt better, the swelling had reduced and she was left with a dark bruise that would be a distant memory in a few days.

Of course, Aaron had pestered her for the latest developments in her quest to bag Daryl as a boyfriend but she’d brushed him off, telling him white lies about how nothing had happened besides a little meaningless flirting and that she would never have a chance with him anyway. The latter part ringing a little truer than she’d hoped.

The night before had left her with even more unanswered questions and a new source of anxiety; what if things had progressed into a new realm where clothes were shed and it was no longer a few stolen kisses they were having to contend with? Was that what he wanted? Was that what he was thinking while he was looking down at her, his body heavy on hers and his heart like a hummingbird in his chest?

She wished she could tell Aaron, if anything just to vent to someone. He’d earned her trust and his place as her friend. But the situation was too messy and complex for her to go blabbing to someone else. She couldn’t risk it getting out, even by accident and other people finding out. It would be the end to her spark with Daryl, no more kisses, no more friendship. Nothing.

Instead, she relayed their trip to rescue Enid in graphic detail, making Eric cringe into his coffee mug when she explained how Carl blew someone’s brain to pieces with a shotgun at the tender age of thirteen. For the duration of her stay, her attention didn’t leave the front gate, which could be easily monitored from Aaron and Eric’s house. With still no sign of Daryl and breakfast coming to an end, she bid the guys farewell and attempted to cross the street with the intention of checking the bench by the pond for any signs of Carl so she could get an update on someone else’s love life and temporarily ignore the chaos of her own.

“Jess, wait.” Aaron’s voice, a little winded from jogging after her, stopped her at the side of the road. He touched her arm and motioned with his head towards the side of a house they’d just passed. She followed him out of earshot of the gate guards and any passers-by. “I know you’re lying to me.” He told her. She almost asked him exactly what he thought she was lying about when it all clicked in her head. “Something happened with Daryl, didn’t it?”

“What are you, psychic or something?” She huffed.

“You haven’t stopped looking at the gate since you sat down. I take it you’re looking for him? What’s going on, Jess? I promise you, I will not repeat it to anyone. If I do, you have permission to tear down my license plate collection and replace them with whatever you want”

She tapped her thigh with her fingers and sucked both lips into her mouth while she pondered over not only how much to disclose, but also what she would replace Aarons license plate wall with.

“Movie posters? John Hughes movies?” She asked

“Alright, yes.”

“Fine. We kiss. That’s a thing.” She muttered.

“That’s great…isn’t it?” He asked, perturbed by the exasperated look on her face.

“Yeah. I guess. I mean, he’s damn good at it. It’d be a whole lot better if I actually knew if he felt anything for me. But he always manages to skirt around the subject.” She explained with a large sigh.

“Daryl isn’t the kind of guy to go around kissing people, Jess. I’m willing to bet that if he kisses you, it’s because he likes you.” He tried to reason. But her face was still downcast and he sensed her nervous fidgeting was down to there being more to the story.

There was and until then, Jess had never mentioned a single word to another soul about the reasons why she needed a solid, definitive answer from Daryl. Why she couldn’t possibly bring herself to believe that Daryl would like her as anything more than a friend. She’d never been able to express her distrust in any compliments she received, never seen herself as worthy of anything more than a friendship and never knew what it felt like to be wanted and desired by someone.

“Before the turn, I met this guy. He was gorgeous, Aaron. Just…wow. All the signs were there. He told me he cared about me. Took me a while, because I’m not the girl that guys want to date, but I ended up believing that he genuinely liked me. I was horribly wrong. It was my best friend that he was into. I knew from then on that it would just never happen for me and I would never again be naive enough to think that someone liked me.”

“Daryl Dixon is _different_ , Jess.” Aaron assured her.

“Yeah.” She agreed “He is. He is so much more than I could ever dare to hope for. I don’t want to get hurt and lose my friend because I was fool enough to think that he would ever want me like that. I am not that girl, Aaron. I’m not good enough for him.”

Aaron was regarding her with a disbelief that she’d never seen in him before. He was looking at her as if she’d completely lost her mind. She even thought that she detected a slight hint of anger in his eyes but knew deep down that if he did feel anything of the sort, it would be because he cared and didn’t like seeing her so down.

“Listen. Between you and I, Eric thought the same for a long time. He couldn’t believe that I wanted to be with someone like him. He felt like he didn’t have much to offer. But all he had to do was let me show him that he _did_ have things to offer. I just didn’t understand at first, I didn’t think I was anything special, least of all not the way he made me out to be” He paused to brush hair from her face, blown across her eyes by the breeze. “But I didn’t see myself the way he did. Daryl, he doesn’t see you the way you do. Nobody does. It’s all perception, individual to each person. Daryl barely even speaks to people, let alone kisses them. So, for him to do that with you…it must mean _something_ to him. I don’t think you should write it off without giving him a chance to figure out what he’s doing. Just enjoy it, there’s no harm in that. It’s obvious he cares about you and he would never hurt you deliberately. You earned a little fun, girl. Have at it.”

“I hope you’re right.” She said.

“There’s a reason I’m a recruiter. I’m a good judge of character. I know that kissing you is not a decision that Daryl would have taken lightly. Give him a little more time. But it doesn’t mean you should stop having fun. You get what I’m saying?”

“Yes” She whispered, stepping closer and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He placed his hands on her back and welcomed the embrace.

“And don’t sell yourself so short. You’re awesome.” He concluded while rubbing one of her shoulder blades.

* * *

Feeling like a fraction of the weight had been lifted from her shoulders from sharing her burden with Aaron, Jess swore him to secrecy, thanked him and made her way to the pond. She found it empty and dropped herself onto the seat, sticking her legs out straight in front of her and crossing them at her ankles.

“Penny for ‘em.” Said a deep, southern voice from behind her. She sat up slightly and twisted in her spot to find Abraham trundling through the flower bed. Turning back and running a hand through her hair she let out a long breath.

“You do _not_ want to know” She replied.

“Wouldn’t be askin’ if that were true.” He corrected as he sat down at her side. With Abraham not being a small man, the bench creaked as he settled.

“It’s nothing. Just me overthinking.” She said.

Abraham craned his neck and caught sight of the bluish bruise on her face.

“Woah, what’s with the Taint n’ tarnish, Sweetheart?” He asked with a deep concern on his face. His large fingers pinched at her chin and angled her face so he could get a better look. She tapped his wrist and he let go.

“Enid got kidnapped. Daryl and I fought like a cat and dog on the way to get her because he’s a stubborn son of a bitch that won’t ever accept that I’m right. Anyway, we went to college to the girl back. Carl hid in the trunk and almost cooked himself to death so we had to take him with us. Some asshole landed a nice, dry slap across my face so I shot the bastard in the eye with an arrow. Daryl blew everybody else up with an RPG and Carl shot a guy in the head with a shotgun and decorated the sidewalk with teeny, tiny little pieces of brain matter. Enid, well she did as she was told and made it back in one piece and then we all camped in the woods and came home.” She surmised in as short a version as possible.

“I know the world went to shit n’ all but…what in blue blazes?!” he questioned in disbelief. She yawned and rubbed at her eyes, still enduring the exhaustion from the days before. “Honey, look at you. You’re a damn mess.”

“Thank you for the compliment.” She growled while side-eyeing him.

“Ahh cmon, who I gotta kill to get a smile outta you?” He tried in an attempt to lift her spirits.

“Nobody. Really” she smiled.

“If you insist. Looks like I’ll have to save my ridicule for another time.” He leaned back and crossed his huge arms. Jess felt positively dwarfed by his size at times but she never once found him to be intimidating or overbearing. She’d only known him since Rick’s group arrived at Alexandria but within days, and despite her efforts to distance herself from just about everyone, his jokes and big personality had won her over almost immediately. Being around Abraham took her back to before the turn, to her childhood and growing up with a brother in the military and being surrounded by his friends.

“You remind me of my brothers’ friends, y’know” She told him.

“They handsome sons of guns too?” he grinned.

“I meant in the way that you make fun of me with your general annoying bastardness.”

“Ahh ain’t nothin wrong with a little teasin’, a little flirtin’. Keep the blood pumpin’. You know I’m only playin’ around with ya though, right?” He checked, leaning forwards enough to see her reaction.

“Yeah. I know. That was the thing with them, they’d tease me like there was no tomorrow but they were super protective too. I was lucky in that respect.” She expressed.

“Can bet ya ass a lot of folks in here would be just as protective of ya. Aint no point being alone no more. Can’t do nothin’ without people in this world. Still, you got Daryl so, you’re set, right?” He smirked, waiting for her to flare up and tell him it was none of his business and to stop bringing it up.

“We’re friends.” Was all she said.

“And I’m Mary Poppins.” He laughed.

She didn’t bother to put him right, mainly because she wasn’t even sure it would be right anymore. How could she correct people if she didn’t know what they were herself? She hated all the uncertainty, the lack of consistency and the fact that she had been so patient until now. Until it was starting to grate on her. She knew Aaron was right and giving Daryl time to figure things out was the right thing to do. Having fun with it certainly seemed like an appealing idea too, but she wasn’t sure she could continue with such an indulgence if it meant her getting hurt at the end of it.

Abraham didn’t move an inch when Jess rested her head against his arm. He knew that for her to do such a thing, she must have needed it and so, he left her where she was and ceased conversation. Bees and birds flitted around the pond, a welcome reminder that nature was still rolling on as best it could, no matter what else was happening to the world. The only sounds came from people wandering past on the street and the repetitive sounds of shovelling from the vegetable patch.

“Why can’t everyone just be honest with each other, Abe?” Jess uttered out of the blue.

“Why are dingleberries brown? Just the way shit is, sweetheart.” He answered.

* * *

That afternoon, Deanna called for Jess, Daryl, Enid, Carl and Rick to discuss Enid’s kidnapping and the possibility of another attack. It was the first time Jess had laid eyes on Daryl since their kiss the previous night. Try as she might, she couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d been actively avoiding her. So, when he bumped into her, alone in the hallway and tickled the outside of her hand as he passed, she was so astonished it took her at least a minute to enter back into reality and deal with the task at hand.

Upon entering the main room of the house, she found everyone else present and Daryl skulked off into the corner, perching on a wide window ledge. He met her eye when she appeared but quickly looked away, wanting to maintain the air of secrecy around what was happening between them. But Jess had questions. What he’d done in the hallway was different. A new kind of affection that was a world apart from a sexually charged kiss. It was the kind of passing attention that was shown between two people in a relationship and even though she couldn’t deny that she didn’t hate it one, little bit. It had confused her even more. Best friends did not affectionately tickle hands in hallways and they certainly did not lay on beds kissing. It always felt like some days she was getting somewhere, moving along slowly but surely, lured into thinking that he wouldn’t kiss her if he didn’t see her in that way. And then, he would do something contradictory, like dubbing her his ‘best friend’ and drop kicking her firmly into the friend zone. Why did she have to fall for someone so complicated? Why could he not just tell her what he wanted for sure?

Asked for her take on what happened, Jess clearly ran through the process of Enid's rescue, telling the room that the man she’d spoken to informed her that there were around a hundred of them, probably slightly less due to the amount that were killed that day and about the branding on their hands. Daryl got up and without a word, picked up a pen and drew the branded symbol on a piece of paper at Deanna's desk before going back to his perch at the window. A concerned silence filled the room as the towns leader and Rick swapped a glance and after what felt like an age, Denna finally announced that she wanted training to be stepped up even more. Rick suggested visiting the college to see if any more of the men had been sent as replacements, or if anyone was still alive. If they could capture one and drain them of information, they would be in a better position to plan. The idea was met with some doubt by Deanna who wasn’t keen on the idea of having to keep one of them behind the wall and mentioned that they could be opening themselves up for another attack.

“A hundred men, all armed is quite the threat.” She stated.

“The guy said they weren’t all in that College. I can’t vouch for his credibility. We saw around fifteen when we were there. All of them were dead when we left. I have no idea where the rest are.” Jess explained.

“We still have women missing. Daryl, did you see any other prisoners?” Rick asked with his hands on his hips and stirring Daryl from his stillness across the room.

“Naw, just Enid.” He grunted in response.

“They don’t keep them there.” Enid mumbled from the couch next to Carl.

“What was that, honey?” Deanna encouraged, missing the girls muffled comment.

“They don’t keep the rest of the women they take at that place. It’s a halfway point.” She told her.

Now, Daryl moved and stood up, thudding into the middle of the room by Rick. Jess avoided his gaze from where she sat, on the arm of the couch next to Carl.

“You know where the rest are?” Daryl questioned.

“No. I’m sorry. I just heard them saying they were keeping me there until they found enough gas to make the journey and move me in with the others.” Enid said.

Carl fiddled with his hands in his lap, uneasy about hearing Enid talk about being in the clutches of the dangerous group that had taken her.

“Look, these guys, there might be a lot of them but from what I saw, they’re dumber than a box of hair.” Jess announced with confidence. She’d not seen an ounce of training or logic in their behaviour which matched the way they bombarded Alexandria with mass murder and terror. They used sheer numbers and the element of surprise. It wasn’t perfectly planned or stealthy by any stretch of the imagination.

Carl’s couldn’t help but laugh at Jess’s take on it and he clocked Enid smiling at him.

“She’s right. I aint never seen nothin’ so disorganised.” Daryl added “All runnin’ around like they didn’t know which way was up. Willin’ to bet they think women just sprout from the earth and they’re plannin’ on comin’ back for the harvest.”

Tapping the papers on her desk with a pen, Deanna sighed and pursed her lips as she scanned the faces of the people in the room. The threat was more real than ever. Many of the towns people had perished in the attack and since then, they’d kidnapped a teenager and tried to kill those who set off to rescue her. Such an embarrassment was unlikely to be forgotten and the prospect of Alexandria having more of what they really wanted was too great for them to ignore. She had to act.

Deanna zoned in on Jess “You need to move inside the walls”

Jess’s back prickled and her shoulders went back. Her defences shot up. She’d worked hard for her home, to create a place where she felt safe and was allowed to be herself and she wasn’t about to give it up for anything.

“No. No. Absolutely not. Non-negotiable.” She confirmed.

“Jess-” Rick tried

“I said no.” She snapped. “I’ll help in any way I can. If you need volunteers to go back to that place and scope it out, I’ll do it. But I’m not moving. Let me know once you make a decision.” She headed to the door, expecting someone to stop her but no one moved or uttered a word. When she vacated the room, Rick threw Daryl a knowing look.

_Make her move inside the walls, Daryl._

* * *

She left Deanna’s house so fast that no one, let alone Daryl had the chance to stop her. She raced down the steps and across the lawn to the gate, tripping on a piece of wood in the process. She stumbled forwards, her hands shooting out and her heart lurching in her chest. Managing to keep herself upright and overcome with fury. She spun around, picked up the piece of wood and launched it into the street, the impact shattered it into tiny pieces. If it wasn’t for her lips being tightly pressed together, there would have been no doubt about her turning the air blue with cuss words. Footsteps from behind her accompanied cigar smoke and she let out a sigh.

“Wow, someone’s wound up tighter than a bull’s asshole in fly season, huh?” Abraham observed with his eyebrows raised. He moved around her, checking her expression and placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Yeah, just tired.” She uttered.

“You need to let loose a little, maybe get yourself laid, it’s amazing how a clear out of the pipes can stop you being such a crankosaurs.” He suggested with a playful nudge of her arm.

“Abe.” She warned, rolling her eyes.

“Just a suggestion. I’m not volunteering” He chuckled “but if you beg me, I’ll be forced to have mercy.”

Daryl clicked the door to Deanna’s house shut as Jess threw the wood into the road during her tantrum and sent splinters flying everywhere. From the front porch, he leaned against a pillar and lit a smoke, listening to the conversation happening below.

“In your dreams” Jess shot at Abraham with a point of her finger. She left him laughing to himself and headed for the gate. Daryl descended the steps a little quicker than he’d intended but he had to move fast if he wanted to catch Jess before she left. She was striding with purpose at the gate, about to vanish from sight. His speed was decent enough to catch up but his demeanor calm on the outside. Abraham wasn’t being fooled; he could tell that he was in a rush to catch her.

When he finally reached her, he thoughtlessly jabbed at her shoulder, waited for her to turn to him and dragged her by her wrist into the shadow of the wall beside the gate. He slammed an a hand on the wall beside her to stop her from running away before he’d said his piece.

“You aint goin’ back there. Deanna’s right, you gotta move inside the walls” He instructed.

Hey eyes grew wide with a stunned stare and rage suddenly flooded her mind and clouded her judgement and she struggled to keep it under wraps.

“No” She answered clearly while looking him right in the eye.

“Can’t just stay out there all by yourself. Told ya before, I need you to live.” He reminded her.

“Why?”

“What do ya mean, ‘why’? Kinda question is that?” He dropped his arm and backed up, aware that she seemed to have switched and her irritation towards him was founded in something a lot bigger than just him giving her orders.

“Look, I know you feel like you owe me for giving you my blood and we act like two middle schoolers kissing in secret, but it doesn’t give you the right to tell me what to do. Only my family could do that and seeing as we’re not related, you don’t have a say.”

He tried to reach out and touch her hand but she ripped it away from him, her eyes narrowing and her back hitting the house behind her.

“You can’t keep doing this to me.” She uttered.

“Doin’ what?” He questioned.

_Kissing me and telling me what to do like an overprotective husband and then friend zoning me_

“Forget it. I have to go.” She grumbled.

She stormed off, flustered and shaking with a toxic mix of nerves and anger. Daryl tilted his head back and breathed out a long sigh before kicking the wooden panel on the wall.

“…Fuck…”

The surface dented and his toes ached with pain but it was welcomed as something else to think about. Something other than how tetchy Jess had become and how he only really had himself to blame. He turned on his heels and marched off.

* * *

Outside the walls, Jess kept walking along the main road, missing the shrouded path to her home in the woods and equipped her hood and mask. She tugged her machete from her belt and swung it by her side as she strutted towards the end of the street. When she reached a row of abandoned cars, all parked at different angles like a bad attempt at Tetris, she turned her machete around, gripped it by the blade and began hammering the handle on the metal body work of each Vehicle, walking slowly as she went. The louder the better. Killing Walkers was the norm for Jess, but she still could never quite shake that niggling fear that pestered her every time she was faced with one. But as long as she kept them at the end of her machete or bow, she managed just fine. 

Before long, she was pleased to find two of them staggering along the side of a house and snarling as they went. They were both female and one was somehow hobbling along with only half a foot left. Both of them were considerably decomposed and their summertime barbeque outfits were barely noticeable anymore. Jess flipped her machete back and ran at them, ignoring her usual spike of fear, skidding to a stop in front of them and kicking the woman in front in the stomach. The impact sent them both careering backwards and onto their backs, one on top of the other. Her blade was nowhere near as clean as it used to be. In fact, she hadn’t cleaned it since she’d used it to slit a man’s throat at the college and so, it failed to glint in the sun when she drove it down onto the Walkers, hacking at them like they were firewood. With each blow, a cry of frustration left her body and with that, went a tiny fraction of the confusion and turmoil in her head. She needed to blow off steam and chopping Walkers into bite sized chunks was the only effective way she could think of at the time.

* * *

Rosita, who was sitting on the steps to her house, clicked her fingers at Abraham and pointed to the empty space on the step beside her. She was used to Abe’s flirtatious and outgoing personality, never really seeing it as a negative and happy in the knowledge that if he was any other way, she wouldn’t have been all that interested. He kept her days interesting and her nights fulfilled.

“You are a terrible flirt, you know that? Good job I’m so self-assured, huh?” She glowered at him playfully as he lowered himself down beside her with a grunt.

“Flirt? That was just for giggles, Mamasita. All my flirting is saved for you.” He grinned. He reached behind them, grabbing a half empty bottle of whiskey that he’d been working his way through. Rosita had told him countless times that he was only going to dehydrate himself and that necking whiskey on the daily was only going to cause him problems. But his selective hearing meant that he simply ignored her advice and only listened to what he wanted to hear.

“Hmm. It better be.” She winked at him.

They had both looked over at the gate in time to see Jess storm away from Daryl and leave the compound. He was visibly annoyed and the curse word that left his lips was obvious even at such a distance.

“Things are still at a stalemate there then.” Abe mentioned.

“What?” Rosita asked.

“Daryl. He’s keen on Jess.” He told her.

“What the hell are you talking about now? I don’t see that. They’re just friends.” She expressed.

“Oh yeah? Watch this and tell me he doesn’t like her.” He challenged with a smug grin. He used the black, iron railings to hoist himself up from the step and was soon pacing over to where Daryl was wandering along the sidewalk. Rosita shook her head at his childish need to be right in every given situation.

“She seems a little cranky” Abe pointed out to a stony-faced Daryl.

Feeling like Abraham was deliberately picking the wrong moment to state the obvious, Daryl stopped and bit his lip, taking a couple of seconds to keep his impulses in check. Everything in him wanted to release his temper and start yelling at Abraham, asking him what the hell it had to do with him and why he couldn’t just back off and leave Jess alone. Being in the middle of a quiet street, Rosita’s listening ear had not gone unnoticed and with little interest in getting into a confrontation with anyone else, Daryl opted to try and stay as calm as possible

“She’s tired. Getting’ Enid back, took it outta both of us.” He admitted.

It wasn’t wholly an untruth, he could tell Jess was still feeling the after effects, as was he. But the real reason for the tension between them was coming from something else, something that he wasn’t quite sure how to handle.

“Seems to me she’s lacking more than sleep.” Abraham suggested boldly. “Needs to get laid. Maybe I should help her out.”

Daryl heard Rosita scoff from where she was sitting in front of the door to her home and he couldn’t even begin to think what Abraham thought he was playing at. Rosita was not the sort of fiery, Latino woman he would want to go up against. He checked the rest of the street, Rick was heading home and Carl and Enid were strolling in the direction of the pond, immersed in conversation. He instantly thought of how happy Jess would be to see them spending more time together, if she hadn’t been too irate to stay. Abraham was taller than Daryl but he wasn’t about to let that intimidate him, the subject matter was extremely important to him and it was for that reason, that cracks began to show in his calm façade. His teeth pushed together and his jaw went rigid.

“Look, there ain’t no bad blood between you n’ me. But you stay away from her. Ya hear me?” he advised.

“Why? If you ain’t going to do it, it ain’t fair to keep her away from those that will.” Abraham continued with a sense of mischief to his voice. “Hell, Daryl, better it be me than that yellow-bellied son of Deanna’s. He’s been checking her out at every given opportunity.”

“Why you so set on this, huh? You got a girl, man” It was a complete mystery to Daryl, who thought it a little counterproductive to attempt to see two women at once. His brother proved it frequently by saying he was with one girl while in the midst of trying to woo another. The resulting drama always ended the same way, in a fight or with his truck getting keyed. It always ended in disaster and Daryl could never understood why no one could ever be content with what they already had.

Abraham took a peek over his shoulder to see Rosita gesturing wildly to him to put Daryl out of his misery and stop winding him up. His booming laugh filled the street and he landed a hand on Daryl’s shoulder, gently shaking it.

“I’m yankin’ your chain.” He confessed. Daryl just shrugged him off. He could have done without it and would much rather have been left alone to figure out the mess that was his relationship with Jess “Sure are touchy about this subject though.”

“It aint what it looks like.” Daryl declared.

“I don’t give two short n’ curlies what it looks like, man. She’s into you. You’re into her. What are you waitin’ for? A god damn bus? Get it done, buddy.”

With that, he delivered a wink to Daryl and sauntered over to where Rosita was sitting. She punched his arm and unleashed a torrent of Spanish swear words while he laughed heartily and fished around in his pants pocket for a cigar.

* * *

The next day a decision was made; Deanna ordered all training sessions to be bumped up to twice a week and everyone that was able to hold a knife was to be taught how to use it effectively. Lookouts were to be set up along the main road to the gate with a checkpoint made at the end of the street. Manning them would be taxing but Rick stepped in with another roster to keep things ticking over smoothly. Jess, Aaron and Daryl were asked to sweep a local hardware warehouse for materials to make the checkpoint and lookouts. They were to take two trucks and return with as much as they could fit into them. Deanna’s pleas to Jess to move inside the walls fell on deaf ears once more and instead she set about doing everything she could to help prepare for any future attacks.

She didn’t see Daryl hunting that morning, the second morning in a row. She couldn’t say she was surprised given that their last exchange had been less than friendly and she’d spent that afternoon carving up Walkers and leaving them in bloody piles around the neighbourhood. She could feel his eyes on her as Deanna announced her plans but she didn’t once look at him, having spent the entire night mulling over the last few days, weeks even and coming to some kind of conclusion as to how to proceed.

Aarons words stayed with her and she had to give some credit to his ideas, especially the notion to just go with it and have some fun for the time being. Kissing Daryl was the most fun she’d had in her whole life and she’d been starkly aware of its absence during their three-week hiatus after dislocating her shoulder. He’d told her he’d missed her and he didn’t mean in the sense that he hadn’t seen her, he meant that he missed kissing her and she felt exactly the same. After all, how could she not miss kissing the most attractive man she'd ever set eyes on? The man she loved. 

Letting off steam and spending some time thinking about things with Aarons view on it had certainly helped clear her mind of the useless, overthought clutter that had accumulated. She felt much more able to make a in informed decision about how she would handle things from then on and when she found herself standing in Aaron and Eric’s living room, drawing X’s on a map under Daryl’s watchful eye, she told herself that she was going to lock the previous day away in the past.

Requiring refreshments in order to think straight, Aaron declared he was going to make some coffee and promptly left the room. From where she was, leaning on the back of the couch, Jess monitored Daryl’s movements and her eyes followed him as he slowly ambled to the window. He’d not said a word to her but he had spent a considerable amount of time looking at her. She followed him to where he stood, silently peering through the gap in the blinds.

“I’m sorry. About yesterday.” She said with sincerity.

An uncomfortable quiet was what followed and Jess felt panic begin to rise when he didn’t respond straight away.

“I pissed ya off.” He finally admitted “I’m the one that should be sorry. Just want you to be safe.”

His lack of conversing with her had little to do with him not wanting to speak to her. He wasn’t angry at her, nor was he sulking in any way. He simply didn’t have anything to say and until he knew that she ready to mend things, he was going to keep his mouth shut.

“I know.” She assured him.

“You still mad at me?” He asked sheepishly.

“No. I’m not mad at you”

He held her gaze as he peered at her sideways, unable to drag his eyes away from a face he’d grown so fond of. He hated making her angry, hated that she was upset with him and hated that he couldn’t yet give her what he knew she needed. She lifted a hand and pinched the lapel of his leather vest, pulling it to the side and urging him to step around and face her. He quickly got the message and found that her hand hovered away from his vest and rested on his chest, over his heart.

_I hate that I’m so in love with you_

She took a small step closer, testing him to see if he’d reject her. When he didn’t, she decided to take Aaron’s advice and enjoy herself while it lasted. Her hand moved up once again, this time to the side of his face and his eyelids flickered at her touch. He nestled against her hand and she heard a subtle sight emanate from him.

“Aaron could see us” He warned her.

“You didn’t care that Carl saw you holding my hand the other day.” she reminded him. 

He nibbled his lower lip, considering that she had a point. He hadn’t cared that Carl had seen him holding her hand, but there was the very real possibility of either one of them being seriously injured or killed. Such a thing was at the bottom of his list of priorities at the time. She was still peering up at him and seconds were ticking away. He heard Aaron opening cupboards and drawers in the kitchen. Still busy. He dipped his head, tugging her close to him by her wrist and holding it where her new bracelet rested. He rested his forehead on hers, ghosting her lips and leaving her with a featherlight kiss. Then, he had no choice but to pull back as Aaron reappeared with a tray of coffee’s in his hands.

Jess took a deep breath and ran her hands down her clothes. She was flustered and pleased that his interest in being close to her didn’t seem to have waned. At least she now knew that pushing him away was only going to result in him bouncing right back to her. But try as she might, she couldn’t help but think it was because he felt like he owed her, or because she was simply used to it now. After all, why would someone like Daryl, so tough, so courageous, so completely different, want to be anything other than friends with a self-conscious nerd?

* * *

Their destination was an hour and thirty minutes’ drive away and Jess opted to jump into Aarons truck on the journey out. Daryl didn’t seem to mind although he was not likely to express his disappointment in front of Aaron. Pleased to find a CD player in the cab and a pile of dusty CD’s, Jess and Aaron spent the majority of the drive singing like banshees and dancing in their seats.

It had been a long time since she’d felt so free. With no laws to abide by, no boundaries to keep to, and every building, home and store deserted, freedom was everywhere. Yet Jess didn’t see freedom in the physical sense. It was more than that to her, more of a state of mind than being able to go anywhere at any time. Singing at the top of her voice with her good friend without a care in the world meant she could escape for a while, and simply enjoy the existence of Aaron and his terrible singing voice.

“I feel like I’m at the zoo!” She cried through the rush of wind past the open windows and the loud tones of Twist and Shout by The Beatles.

“What? Why the zoo?” Aaron wanted to know in between warbling along to the song.

“Because the noises that are coming out of your mouth are unlike anything I’ve ever heard before!” She laughed.

“Hey! My voice is amazing!” He argued

“Yeah, amazingly bad!” She chuckled.

When the songs most memorable lines kicked in once more, they both wailed and made dramatic hand gestures as if no one else was watching. Except there was someone watching. In the next lane, with one hand on the steering wheel and a bemused expression, Daryl was witnessing Jess as he’d never seen her before, hair blowing in the wind, eyes closed and arms hanging out of the window as the truck shot along the road. She was singing without a care in the world and after the initial shock he experienced at the sight, he soon realised how endearing it was to see her so carefree. He smiled to himself as he shook his head at the both of them and their mini concert and if the world wasn’t full of decaying, walking corpses and humans hellbent on destroying one another, he would have thought it was the perfect start to the day.

The warehouse, upon first inspection, was deserted and its shutters were wide open. After two walks of the perimeter, Daryl gave them the signal to head inside and joined them at the closest entrance. Jess half expected to find the building picked clean, but it was quickly apparent that any visitors since the turn had little need for sheet metal and building supplies, not like the demand for food, weapons and medicine. Walkers milled about inside; their numbers low enough for the three of them to take them out without a high level of danger. But it had been a while Since Jess had been faced with so many Walkers in one week, even if she had sought the two from the previous day out herself. Opting to use the experience as part of her knife training, she kept her machete tied to her belt and used the smaller blade gifted to her by Daryl almost two years ago instead. As each dead person neared her, she told herself to keep calm and remember her training, promising herself that she would not use the bigger blade or her bow.

A couple of near misses were enough to send her spiralling into self-doubt and letting her fear determine her actions. While she was busy backing away from a gnarly, male Walker with a hole so wide in its shoulder that she could see through to the other side, a bolt whizzed past her ear and dropped the threat to the ground and immediately afterwards, she felt Daryl slap a hand around her wrist and turn her body to face him. In the dusty, barely lit warehouse with its high aisles and cold, musty air, Jess sucked in a deep breath and shook her head.

“Y’alright?” Daryl checked, receiving a short nod from her.

Suffocating her with concern was not a wise idea and Daryl knew it. So, he left her to put the last Walker down but kept a close eye on her from the end of the aisle. At the same time, Aaron was beginning to drag wood and metal from shelving units with all his might, piling them up onto a forklift which to his glee, still worked albeit after some spluttering and stalling. Daryl was soon helping him hurl heavy materials around while Jess was needed at the door due to the noise attracting Walkers from the surrounding area. Climbing on top of a truck in the parking lot, she picked them off, one by one with her bow, deducting five points in her head for every shot she missed.

“Jess? How we doing out there?” Aaron called out from the darkness inside.

“We’re looking at a soccer team right about now.” She shouted back.

“Huh? What does that mean?” He enquired.

“Eleven. We’re on eleven Walkers, bright spark.” She quipped as she drew the strings and arrow back on her bow once more. ”Make that ten.”

Daryl jogged out from under the shutter, crossbow held high and eyes fixed on the approaching Walkers. Jess dropped another corpse and was quickly preoccupied by the bodies hitting the asphalt from nowhere until she realised that he was scooting across the parking lot below and making for his truck by the gate, killing everything that moved in the process.

“Stop stealing my thunder!” She complained loudly. Her aim needed some work and it was the perfect opportunity. So far, she’d only had to deduct ten points and that was progress considering the amount of Walkers she’d been faced with.

“Wouldn’t have to if ya wasn’t shootin’ slower than an asthmatic snail.” He jested, turning and taking a couple of steps backwards so he could survey her reaction.

“Oh yeah? How about we see how fast I can fucking shoot you!” She exclaimed, nocking another arrow and aiming at him. She heard him chuckle and he resumed his hurrying to the truck. The sun cast it’s glow over him, his sweat slicked arms from the manual labour seeming even more toned than usual and Jess cocked her head to one side and blinked slowly, pondering how she could quite happily wile away the hours with such a view. But reality crept up on her daydream when the engine of Daryl’s truck roared to life and he backed the vehicle up to the shutter.

Having shot Daryl a smug look of defiance after killing the rest of the Walkers in the parking lot, Jess helped to load everything up, catching Daryl’s eye every now and then and questioning in her mind why it was that this day, out of all the time she’d known him, she was more aware of his attention on her than ever before. The way he was looking at her was different, like he wanted to smile every single time and it set her mind on edge and made her stomach hum with a delightful anticipation of what might happen when they were alone again. Maybe it was her new found way of accepting the situation, thanks for Aaron and his intuition. Maybe it was the tentative way in which he’d asked if she was mad at him. Or, maybe she’d just missed him in those small hours overnight.

After the second truck was filled up, the trio decided to head back to Alexandria as the air was cooling and evening was setting in. The sky turned a water coloured texture of oranges and pinks and with her back leaned against the inside of the truck’s door, Jess pretended to fasten loose thread on her gloves when she was really stealing a lot of lingering glances at her return journey accomplice.

Daryl had glimpsed at her a couple of times, seeing her eyes lower suspiciously into her lap or onto the gloves which she held against her bent knees. When a sign for a newly build neighbourhood shot past at the side of the highway, he eased off the gas and contemplated if it was worth stopping. Sensing the slow in pace, Jess sat up.

“You see that sign?” He asked.

“Yup. You wanna check it out?”

“Worth a look. Need all the supplies we can get.”

“Okay. I’ll tell Aaron.” She announced, grabbing the radio from the dash and holding down the button on the side.

“This is BloodyMary to MonkeyNuts, come in.”

Daryl’s head slowly turned to her and he shot an incredulous look at the names she’d apparently dubbed herself and Aaron. Ignoring his perplexed face, she turned up the volume on the radio and waited. It crackled and hissed and Aaron’s voice filled the cab.

“We talked about this. I did not agree to that name and ‘BloodyMary’ is not becoming for you.”

“I’m not changing it now. You know it was either that or ‘LargeMarge’ and according to you, that’s even more unbecoming.” She sent back “Don’t be a killjoy, MonkeyNuts.”

“What do you want, Jess?” came Aaron’s chuckled response.

“We just saw a sign for a new build neighbourhood. We’re turning around to check it out.”

“Yeah, I saw that. I’ll follow on.”

She threw the radio back onto the dash and clunked her boots up, crossing one over the other a slouching down in the passenger seat. Daryl was still glancing over at her intermittently.

“LargeMarge?” He eventually questioned.

“What? My dazzling personality is large enough to warrant such a name. But ‘BloodyMary’ just seemed a little more…apocalyptic.” She figured with a shrug.

 _Yeah, you’re real weird._ He thought.

She’d now seen Daryl smile and laugh more than she’d ever thought possible and even more so in the last few weeks. It was a sight that she never got tired of, especially when she was the reason for it. She knew he thought her to be weird, but even with that in mind, he still wanted to be around her anyway and the thought warmed her heart and set her reservations about his real feelings aside. There was no doubt in her mind that he enjoyed her company, trusted her and cared about her wellbeing and to have that was a hundred times more than she could have expected when she’d first met him at the quarry. Hoping for any more than that could well have been pushing her luck, but she loved him, so completely and unconditionally that she couldn’t help but hope and dream for something more.

* * *

The estate of houses they found were still standing and looked reasonably untouched. Drapes were ripped and windows were smashed but it was nothing out of the ordinary for a post-apocalyptic scene. Some cars were still parked on drives, with suitcases and bags strapped to the roofs, blood splatters on the doorsteps and front yards with violent smears now brown and dried with age. Jess and Daryl hopped out of their truck with Aaron signalling that he would check the cars and keep an eye out for any danger. Choosing the biggest house in the street, Jess equipped her bow and kicked the door in, creating enough of a racket to be heard in the next state.

“Easy, girl.” Daryl hushed “Damn RPG would have been quieter than you.”

“Get off my ass before I put you on yours.” She threatened as she entered the house, swinging her bow this way and that, into every room and checking the coast was clear. A single Walker in the kitchen was swiftly eliminated by Daryl as Jess crept around in the study, opening cupboards and pocketing a packet of painkillers and a bottle of whiskey. She had no plans to drink it, but Abraham sure as hell would. Under the desk, her boot hit something heavy and metal and she stooped down, squinting at the huge, locked safe before her.

“Whatcha got?” Daryl asked while wandering in, scanning the shelves and noticing her bow sticking up from under the desk where she’d positioned it over her shoulder and bent down to inspect the dial on the front of the door.

“Safe. Big one.” She muttered. “Probably not even worth looking inside. Can’t exactly buy our way to survival these days.”

“A safe aint just for money. Especially in a neighbourhood like this. Move aside, lemme take a look.”

Complying but with a little confusion around how much Daryl seemed to know about safes and what was kept in them, Jess planted herself in a leather, wheeled chair and pushed herself away with her feet until the backrest hit the bookshelves behind her.

"Hmm. Old safe for a new house" He mused.

From where she was, she could see him grab a pen and a piece of paper from the desk, returning to the safe and sitting, cross legged in front of it. He brought his ear to the dial and listened intently as he slowly turned it, making notes on the paper as he went. Jess watched with great interest, mystified by his actions and a little impressed all at once and when he held up the paper and started spinning the dial a little more rapidly, she heard a loud click and he tugged the door open, moving back to give himself enough room to delve inside. Jess’s jaw almost hit the floor.

“Are you-are you _kidding me?!”_ She cried “Were you a bank robber or something?”

“No.” he grunted without even a glance over his shoulder. He pulled a pistol and ammo from the safe, along with multiple tubs of medications. He handed them to Jess, who was still staring at him in shock as she shoved the items into her backpack.

“Would you care to explain how you knew how to get into that thing, then?” She pressed.

He got to his feet, picked up his crossbow and slung it over his shoulder.

“Not really” He grumbled.

In the blink of an eye, he was gone and instead of pursuing him, she continued searching the house, eventually finding him outside on the porch, arranging packets and tinned food in a box. It was quite the find and one that meant their detour on the way home was not in vain. They’d found a gun, ammo, medication and food all from one house. So pleased was he with their find, that Daryl ripped open a packet of beef jerky and took a huge bite, chewing messily and grunting in approval. Jess inched closer, feeling mischievous and waiting for her moment. As he raised the packet once more, she snatched it from his grasp and dragged the tough, leathery substance over her tongue.

“I licked it so it’s mine.” She declared with a certain degree of provocation.

He dropped his now empty hand and cleared his throat. Dipping his head, he stepped closer to her and bit down on his tongue. There were so many things he wanted to say, most of them suggestive and daring, even though he’d tested the water by flirting with her before. He didn’t know if any of the possibilities were a little too forward and the last thing he wanted was to come across like Merle, but he was sure that Jess was unlikely to switch from her playful mood to full-on offended and figured that even if she did, she would forgive him eventually. Deciding to risk it, he waited for her to catch his eye.

“You uh…you really should stop teasin’ the fuck outta me with that…unless you wanna do somethin’ ‘bout it.” He told her. It was delivered with a world of confidence and sureness that he didn’t know he possessed and when she failed to appear disgusted or flee before him at the very idea of something so risqué, his heart rate quickened and a small smile tugged at his lips.

Jess, determined to follow Aaron’s advice and just have herself some fun, pursed her lips and for a moment, struggled to think up a response that didn’t make her look completely inexperienced and shy. She wanted to widen the smile on his face, she wanted to make him laugh and above all, she wanted to show him that if she felt like it and had the nerve, she could give as good as she got.

“Don’t you dare threaten me with a good time, Daryl.” She purred at him.

He had to look away, it was all he could do to stop the rush of heat that radiated from beneath the skin across his nose and cheeks. Flabbergasted and rendered temporarily mute by her unexpected response, he rubbed at his chin and couldn’t hold back the throaty laugh that expelled from his lungs.

“Well…shit.” He chuckled at her, eventually able to bring his gaze back to her. She shrugged off her backpack and stuck her hand inside, retrieving one of the pots of medication and reading the label.

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Dixon” she instructed, now taking control of a conversation he thought he held the reins of. He’d never seen it before, her willingness to take their mild flirting to the next level.

“Why would I do that when you’re throwin’ backchat like that at me?” He commented.

She delighted at the redness of his cheeks which he was no longer bothering to hide and it occurred to her that she didn’t feel one shred of shyness when she would have otherwise curled up into herself and wished the ground would open up to devour her.

“Stop distracting me. We have a job to do.” She smiled.

“You’re the ones distractin’ me” He pointed out.

“Am not”

“Are too” He uttered under his breath, sitting down on the wooden bench next to the box of supplies. “Talkin’ to me ‘bout lickin’ stuff… God damn.”

Not willing to let him forget that he’d been the one to bring it up, she raised an eyebrow at him as she took of generous bite of the beef jerky that was still pinched between her fingers on one hand and dropped her backpack on the floor. She handed him the snack and also settled on the bench, with the box in-between them. When he was done eating, he screwed up the wrapper in his fist and threw it at her. She batted it away and the two of them sniggered at one another.

Checking on Aaron once again, Daryl noted that he was still perched in his trucks cab, with the door open and one leg dangling out.

 _“_ So, did we swap kissing for trust?” Jess suddenly asked, far too loudly for Daryl’s comfort.

“Shh! What is with you today?! Ya so damn loud!” He hissed, worriedly looking over at Aaron again, who clearly hadn’t heard a word and also hadn’t moved an inch. “What are ya talkin’ ‘bout?”

“Well, you started kissing me and now you don’t trust me anymore.” She explained casually.

“For god sakes.” He mumbled to himself as he rose to his feet and scuffed around on the decking. He lit a cigarette and did a small double-take at her while she eagerly awaited some kind of answer. “I do that _because_ I trust ya.” He muttered.

“Then tell me how you knew how to open that safe.”

Daryl, much like his brother, was no angel before the turn. Following in Merle Dixon’s footsteps came with a price and that price was usually paid in the form of a criminal record and a list of things that he wished he’d never got involved in. At the time, he hardly knew any different, their life lived on the edge, drunk and high and notorious for being unpredictable and volatile was the norm and with no other role models to turn to, Daryl didn’t have a chance to choose a different path. He’d been in more fights than he could count, never being one to back down from a questionable look or an offensive remark made in a bar. He’d given Jess hints, snippets of who he used to be and the Daryl she’d met at the quarry was the start of his transition into becoming his own person. The turn itself had given him the clarity he needed to open his mind and showed him that Merle’s way was not the only way. Daryl had always been the more sensitive of the two and was naturally analytical, but he knew that voicing any opinions against anything Merle said was likely to get him punched. He’d done a lot of things that he wasn’t proud of, things that he never really wanted Jess to know. Things that made him so far removed from the kind of person she deserved to be with. He didn’t deserve forgiveness or the benefit of the doubt. He knew what he was and that was a redneck with a record and a lot of regrets.

“Did some stuff I aint proud of.” He grumbled, pleading with her in his mind to just leave the subject alone. He didn’t want to lie to her, but he didn’t want her to know the lows he’d stooped to either.

“Haven’t we all?” She mused.

“I mean before.” He added. “Ya don’t wanna know.”

“I do.” She corrected “I do want to know. Tell me.”

She was begging him with her innocent eyes, urging him to trust her and he found it almost impossible to decline. She’d seen his temper; she’d been witness to and on the end of his biting remarks when he was angry and she still came back to him. He’d heard it with his own ears that she liked him as more than a friend, even after seeing the parts of his character that he loathed and she’d trusted him with her life and continued to do so. Something told him that she wasn’t about to let the subject go and if she did, she would only ask again at a later date and so, he gave in, deciding not to mention too many details.

“Never robbed a bank. But other places, yeah.” He admitted.

Her face lit up as if he’d graced her with the most valuable nugget of information that nobody else could ever know and on the inside, her heart sang with the fact that he had opened up about something so potentially precarious. She told herself not to react too dramatically, or he was likely to close up again altogether.

“Other places…?” She probed gently.

“Mmhmm. The odd house. Merle used to scope places out n’ we’d go in. Usually rich folks. More money than sense. Some bars n’ liquor stores too.” He confessed.

“You ever hurt anybody?” She wanted to know. She was conscious that the question might well backfire on her but after a brief spell of him chewing nervously on his bottom lip and taking a long drag of his smoke, he nodded solemnly.

“Couple times. Not women. Or kids. Had to keep folks in line, y’know? Stop ‘em callin’ the cops. Never killed nobody…before the turn anyways”

He expelled smoke from his lungs, the plume rising in a bluish cloud above him. The smell of nicotine stung her nose and she realized that he was having trouble bringing his gaze back to her. He was ashamed and it was written all over him. In his body language, in his eyes when she managed to catch sight of them and in his tone of voice. She felt guilt burn in her chest for making him discuss it, but if she never really knew his past, how could she know how far he’d come? It was obvious to Jess that the Daryl that was standing in front of her was most definitely not the Daryl from before the world went bad and she wasn’t about to let him believe otherwise.

“Can you pick locks?” She asked with genuine interest.

“Depends on the lock. But mostly, yeah.”

“And hotwire cars?”

“Yeah.”

She giggled to herself and shook her head in disbelief. The criminal element to his past activities didn’t matter to her anymore, he wasn’t a danger to her or anyone else in Alexandria and the fact that he’d had such a shady past only aided him in his need to protect those he loved in the new world. He wasn’t afraid to do what it took and he didn’t do anything by halves.

“That is so cool.” She expressed, looking up and finding him staring down at her. She lifted a hand and extended her index finger, pointing at him. “You, Dixon… are cooler than a childhood secret handshake”

“Look, if you’d known me back then-” He tried

“-I did know you back then. I met you at the quarry.” She cut in.

He threw his smoke away and let out a long sigh, briefly turning his back to her and leaning on the fencing around the porch. He could see that Aaron was now on his feet and wandering through the front yards of the houses opposite, peeing into windows and opening discarded suitcases.

“I aint a good guy, Jess.” She heard him mumble.

“What a load of hooey.” She scoffed.

He shot her a baffled glance over his shoulder and slowly turned around, leaning back against the barrier.

“Hooey? What are you, ninety-four?!”

“Oh, shut up. You _are_ a good person. Okay, look at Ironman.” She mentioned.

“Ironma- _what_?!” He questioned in exasperation at yet another superhero analogy. He weighed up the benefits of at least trying to pick up one of Carl’s comics for research purposes at some point.

“Tony Stark!” She cried, flinging her hands up “He was a selfish playboy who managed to win the heart of Pepper Potts. Tony did stupid shit all the time, like creating Ultron. But from Ultron came Vision who was a badass character and Tony ended up still being kinda selfish but an altogether good person. I’m rambling, you uh…wanna stop me?”

“Aaron.” He said blankly with a nudge of his head in Aarons direction.

“Right. Aaron’s there. Fine. My point is, it doesn’t matter who you _were_. What matters is who you are now and what you do with the very useful skills you have. You _are_ a good person, Daryl. And you _are_ cool.” She informed him with a sincerity to her tone that conveyed her belief in what she was saying.

His face changed and his gaze became more intense as he tried to fight the urge to tell her that she should stay away from men like him. That she had no business believing that he was anything other than Merle Dixon’s brother, the criminal redneck with the bad temper.

“Don’t be so naïve, Jess. People, they only show ya what they want you to see. Some folks, they try…they try to be good but inside, all there is... is darkness and pain n’ all the fucked-up shit that they did.”

She leaned back against the bench’s backrest, thudding her jacket against it and crossing one leg over the other.

“Woah. Okay. That’s deep. Take it easy, Bucky.” She smirked to herself.

Suddenly, he remembered overhearing Jess telling Carl that Bucky Barnes was her favorite superhero. It dawned on him that for her to refer to him by that name, it must mean that she saw him as similar. The idea was all kinds of wrong to him. How could he ever be seen in the same vein as a superhero? In his own mind, he was far from it and he didn’t want Jess believing something that he simply would not be able to live up to.

“Winter Soldier.” He said

Her eyes widened and what had started as a throwaway comment that she thought would just get bypassed, had now opened up the truth; that Daryl was her superhero.

“You heard me.” She stated

Aaron was approaching and she quickly shifted her eyes to alert Daryl to his presence. He was only a few feet away, walking along the path towards the front porch they were both residing on.

“Yeah, I heard ya. Shouldn’t call me that name. I ain’t no superhero. Far from it.” He quickly threw in before Aaron could hear anything.

“You don’t see it, but you are to a lot of people. And you are to me.” She concluded.

Standing up to acknowledge Aaron, she clocked extra movement from behind him and the telltale gurgling of blood-filled lungs. Her heart jumped into her throat.

“Walker! _WALKER!_ ” She yelled, ripping her bow from her shoulder. “Shit! AARON!”

Daryl however, was quicker off the mark and grabbed his crossbow, fired a bolt and put down the threat before Jess could even choose an arrow. Aaron’s jaw almost hit the floor when he turned to find that the corpse was within grabbing distance and he was soon charging over to Daryl to shake his hand.

“That thing came out of nowhere. Little too close for comfort. Thanks, man.” He said with a form grip around Daryls fist.

“Anytime.” Daryl replied.

* * *

Deanna’s son, Spencer wasn’t half as popular as his fair and reasonable mother. He’d been caught on various occasions taking more than he was allowed from the pantry and had rubbed Daryl up the wrong way right from the day Ricks group arrived. There was something about him that Daryl never trusted and it was for that reason, that he kept his distance and was careful not to disclose any valuable information around him.

Jess had hardly spoken to him, even having arrived in Alexandria considerably earlier than Daryl she’d avoided him due to receiving much the same vibes from his as Daryl did. She also thought him to be creepy and disrespectful towards women, which was surprising considering who his mother was and Jess’s reasonably solid relationship to her.

The trucks were left at the side of the road to be unloaded the next morning with the help of others from the community. Jess hugged Aaron goodbye and stood aside when he shook Daryl’s hand and thanked him a second time for saving his skin. As she backed up, she collided with somebody and spun around to find Spencer grinning down at her from his tall height.

“Spencer, Hi. Sorry, I didn’t know you were there.” She apologized, moving back and creating a considerable distance between them. Daryl hovered around behind her, listening closely and telling himself he’d rather shoot Spencer between the eyes with a bolt than leave her alone with him.

“How are you?” He asked.

“Uh, Fine.” Jess replied curtly.

“Y’know, I’ve seen all the work you’ve done to help the town. How much you’ve changed since you showed up in that mask and hood. Now I know your name, I thought it might be good to get to know you a little better. Maybe you’d like to join me for dinner tonight.” He explained.

Daryl’s hands curled into tight fists at his side and he swallowed hard in an effort to contain the pure fury that was bubbling in his chest. Over her shoulder, Spencer could see the archer glaring angrily at him as he slowly paced back and forth like a guard dog about to attack.

_Back off asshole. Lay one fuckin’ finger on her n’ I’ll knock you so hard, you’ll see tomorrow today._

Shocked by the offer and having it come from absolutely nowhere, Jess immediately decided that if this was not some kind of joke, then it was a setup for whatever Spencer’s ulterior motive must be. She couldn’t possibly fathom what she might have that he would ever want, but she certainly had no designs on finding out.

“Thank you for the invitation but I’m going to politely decline. I’m heading home, it’s been a long day. Goodnight.” She delivered gracefully, stepping away and walking to the gate. Daryl was infuriated to find as Jess walked away, Spencer’s eyes dragged up and down her body and he licked his lips, shamelessly checking her out, almost as if he was trying to provoke a response. When he turned back, he found Daryl stood inches from his face with one hand on his knife.

“You think cause you’re Deanna’s son you can get away with whatever ya want?” He growled. Spencer’s mouth dropped open but no sound emerged and Daryl wasn’t in the mood to wait around for chit chat. “You listen to me. If I ever catch you lookin’ at her like that again, I’ma tear your heart outta your ass n’ shove it down your throat. You hearin’ me?”

With one eyebrow flickering up and the badly disguised fear that Daryl had instilled in him settling behind his eyes. Spencer nodded once and backed up, clearing his throat as he turned and walked away.

* * *

Daryl didn’t ask to walk her home or stay the night. In fact, conversation was now so far from his mind while he settled his rage that he stalked along behind Jess, having caught her up. She quickly guessed that being walked home was going to be a regular thing since the threat of attack was now even more heightened. What was unusual, was the quietness that resonated from beside her as Daryl ambled along the path, pushing branches aside. After such a chat-filled day, she thought it a little strange that he hadn’t uttered a single word yet.

“You’re quiet. What’s wrong?” She asked.

“M’always quiet.” He grumbled.

“Alright. Whatever.” She shrugged, feeling her body heat surge under her jacket “Ahh, it’s evening and it’s still _so_ hot. What I wouldn’t give for some Blue Belle right now.”

“What’s that?” He questioned, sounding as though he couldn’t have cared less.

“Only the best ice cream made in Texas. Preferably chocolate chip cookie dough. It was my pre-apocalypse, binge-eating go-to.” She told him with a slight smile at the memory of the finest tasting treat she’d ever eaten. Of all the things she missed, Blue Belle was most definitely one of them.

“Nice.” He grunted.

“Single girls best friend. Along with cats…and vibrators.” She continued to babble, feeling him glance sideways at her “So I’m told.”

The temptation to hint at being single, even at the end of the world was strong and so, she’d given in in the small hope that he might pick up on it and make some kind of comment about how she couldn’t exactly call herself single anymore. She could hope, but it didn’t happen. In fact, all that did transpire was another long and tension-filled silence.

“Sonofabitch” She suddenly sighed, flapping her hands noisily by her sides and stopping on the path. “It’s like you’re not even here. What is it? What’s bothering you?”

“S’nothin’.” He uttered, unwilling to lie to her and tell her the truth at the same time. He was torn between coming across as jealous once more or throwing her a mistruth to keep her attention away from the fact that it literally made his blood boil when another man looked at her or spoke to her in a remotely sexual way.

“Daryl, just tell me.” She demanded with a sternness on her face that he didn’t necessarily want to contend with. If he pushed back and continued to deny it, she would become angrier and the last thing he wanted was to fight with her.

“Alright, fine” He snapped “Just…don’t overthink it, or freak out, okay?”

“I will…try. I will try not to do that.” She attempted to promise, knowing full well that her specialties were overthinking and freaking out.

“It’s Abe. He keeps harpin’ on about havin’ sex with ya. Now Spencer’s got a thing for ya too.”

Jess didn’t think before she did it, but when a laugh tumbled from her lips at the thought of Abraham making any serious moves on her while he was with Rosita, or even at all, it had proved too amusing to ignore. From her perspective, Daryl just couldn’t not understand the type of friendship she had with the big, cocky military guy. Maybe it was because he’d never been party to such a friendship in his life before, or maybe it was because Abraham’s humour and take on life was different to Daryl’s. Either way, he would only continue to get riled up by it unless she tried to explain it to him.

“Abe really does not mean that, Daryl.” She assured him.

“You sure ‘bout that?” he questioned.

“Yes, I am actually. He’s military. That’s his humor and I’m used to it because that’s how I grew up, I was an Army brat. I see a lot of my brother and his friends in Abe and that’s why we get along so well.” She conveyed.

Daryl thought back to when Merle had left the Military. Dishonorably discharged for punching his superior. It was no more than Daryl expected at the time. He’d arrived back at the Dixon house with a bag of his belongings and much the same humor as he’d possessed before he embarked on a new route in his life. Daryl couldn’t blame the military for Merle’s low opinion of women, the way he saw them as pieces of meat most of the time was present long before his days doing drills and target practice.

“So, ya ain’t gonna… Y’know?” He checked with a certain nervous disposition. The thumb of one of his hands was anxiously tapping away at the bottom of his vest.

“No! That’d be like incest.” She grimaced.

“Right.” He grunted “What ‘bout Spencer? Guys a dick.”

He refrained from admitting that he’d squared up to Spencer and threatened him with violence if he ever looked at Jess the wrong way again. He knew there was a very good chance that word would get back to her about that anyway and all he needed was one, little excuse to follow up on his promise. But he knew that Jess would only bombard him with questions he just couldn’t answer.

“Yeah, he is and I’m not interested. Why do you care about who wants to sleep with me, anyway?” She wanted to know.

Then, Daryl broke his own code. The lie had drifted out like it was nothing.

“I don’t.”

In the back of his mind, he cursed himself.

_C’mon. You fuckin’ pussy. You do care. Don’t lie to her._

“So, this brooding silence is all for nothing.” She snapped, flapping her hands by her side and charging off. He sighed in frustration and continued to follow her, almost able to feel the irritation radiating from her very being. They covered only a short distance before she stopped out of the blue once more and blocked his path.

“Look, even if he does want to sleep with me, it’s a compliment. I’m no supermodel but why wouldn’t a guy want to have sex with me? I mean, I spent my whole life thinking I’m not good enough. But maybe I am. I may be a geek to the bone but I have feelings and needs and I’m not a freakin’ nun. I didn’t have the willpower to go down that road, remember?”

All at once, it occurred to him that in his desperate need to keep her away from anyone else’s affections, he’s somehow managed to offend her. His head grew louder as he tried to find a way to put things right, tried to search for something to say, for a way to explain away the fact that he hated the idea of anyone but him being able to touch her. But the words wouldn’t present themselves from the ocean on muddled thoughts in his head. Words were just not his forte. 

“I didn’t mean…just forget it.” He mumbled.

“No. Y’know what? Why not Abe or even Spencer? You don’t want them anywhere near me yet I’m not good enough for _you_ to want me, am I, Daryl?”

His whole body went rigid at the sound of her question. His eyes widened and even his nervous hand tapping on his vest ceased. She’d been pushed to the edge and he hadn’t even realized the can of worms he was opening as he was speaking. His heart sank when she stormed off and left him there, clueless and afraid that he might have just screwed everything up with the one person that had ever meant anything to him and all because he had no idea how to tell her how he really felt.

* * *

He kicked at the bushes and leaves on the ground around him as darkness blanketed the woods. Emotions had ever been easy for Daryl to contend with. A lifetime of stuffing them down, being beaten for crying by his father and having his older brother try to ‘make a man’ out of him. He still felt them, searing and powerful and unchecked, more often than not translating into violent outbursts or a feeling of too much all at once that usually led to cigarette burns on the back of his hands or some other self-destructive way of release. Now, he had feelings of an altogether different kind, new and complicated and truly terrifying even to someone of his level of courage. Those feelings were gradually tearing down everything that was good when they should have been building it up. Jess. She was the good in his life. She was the thing that made him smile and laugh and brought out things in him that he never even knew were there to begin with. He was going to lose her unless he did something, unless he acted with haste and the only way he knew how to do that was with actions instead of words.

Jess was staring at a blank page in her journal when the bell on the gate rang. She clenched her jaw, snapping the pen between her teeth and throwing it on the bed along with what had proved to be a useless from of venting. The pages of the journal bent and scrunched when the book hit the quilt after she carelessly threw it aside.

She stood up, ran her hands down her black tank top and grey sweat pants and tugged the tie from her hair as she squinted through the gap in the blacked out window. Daryl was eagerly treading back and forth beyond the gate, his crossbow swinging by his side and his eyes sweeping the floor as he moved. She could tell, even from her distance away that he was battling some kind of internal war with himself and she prepared for what was looking likely to be an awkward exchange.

She headed outside, slamming the door behind her and running a hand through her hair as she reached the gate. He stopped and threaded his crossbow across his shoulder, his bottom lip clamped under his teeth.

“You’re mad at me” He stated before she could speak. “I aint leavin’ things that way.”

“I’m tired. It makes me sassy. Apparently” She said quietly, wishing that she could leave and go back to the diner. To the quietness where she could at least try and make sense of how everything was changing. She was reaching the end of her tether and the direct and angry question that she’d spat at him like it was acid had worked its way out from the back of her mind. She didn’t have the strength to hold it back anymore.

“Kinda like your sass.” He admitted, moving closer to the gate and linking his fingers through it. “You gonna let me in?”

“Shouldn’t you be getting back to the house?” She asked.

He dipped his head for a moment and leaned it against the fencing. His hair flattened and she heard him drag in a deep breath before he raised his head again and positioned his eyes between the diamond gaps in the structure, looking right at her and silently pleading with her to just let him inside.

“Need to put somethin’ straight first” he answered.

“That’s very cryptic” she muttered, unimpressed and flicking the latch on the gate to allow him access.

He followed her wordlessly to the diner and as soon as he clicked the door closed behind them, he wasted no time in reaching out to grab her hand, quickly halting her and closing the gap between them. Her hands instinctively came up and rested on his chest, as if she was about to push him away but he held onto her tightly, with one hand holding her waist and the other raised to her face. His finger was extended over her lips, signalling that he didn’t want her to talk. To him, it wasn’t the time for it. She couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. His fingers curled against the skin of her waist, almost gripping her flesh and the want in his touch matched that of his eyes, which were piercing and serious. He hadn’t even kissed her but it was enough to make her weaken in his grasp and she felt her legs begin to tremble. He could sense her anxiety and removed his finger from her lips, bringing his face close to hers and pressing soft kisses to her nose and cheeks, guiding her hair from her eyes with a gentle sweeping of his fingertips. His voice was a mere whisper but it was the only sound in the room and Jess was glad of it when she heard the words swirl around her mind.

“You think I don’t want you.”

It was a statement. Not a question. Her heart jumped and her stomach flipped and she almost gasped when she realised that her earlier assumption, the idea that he didn’t want her, was so important to him that he’d refused to leave it alone until he could put it right.

He gently kissed her and she seemed to clamber up him, rising to her tip toes and feeding her constant need for him. The fill the void in her soul that was only made for him. She loved him and every time he touched her; she was even more sure of it. Her hands snaked up his chest, settling on either side of his strong and tanned neck and she was holding him to her with enough strength to tell him that she did not have designs on pulling away. Her body was pressed to his, aided by the hand at her waist now travelling around and pressing at her lower back. She tensed slightly at first but was soon arching herself into him as their kiss shifted in intensity and she felt his tongue dance against hers. She raised her arms and draped them over his shoulders and he took it as permission to pull her even closer, with a sharp tug that made her gasp against his lips.

The skin of her shoulder sparkled at his touch when she felt him nudging the strap of her tank top aside and his lips left hers to create a delightful trail from her jaw down her neck and across her collarbone. He still had hold of her strap and the more he pulled it down, the more the ball of anxiety in her stomach grew. She tried to blink it away, to focus on how good it felt to let him lavish her with attention that she could only ever have dreamed about. She’d wanted it for so long, the chance to be so close to him, to know the urgency of his touch and see in his eyes that he wanted her. _He_ wanted _her._

“You okay…?” He asked between kisses.

“Yeah.” She breathed.

“Put ya legs around my waist.” He rasped at her.

“Wha-”

She didn’t have time to ask questions. She held her breath when both of his big arms enveloped her waist and she was lifted from the floor, her toes wiggled and the soles of her feet were suddenly cold. With her attached to him, legs gripping his middle and his lips now back on hers, he walked her to the diner’s countertop, sitting her on the edge and lifting both of his hands to her front. When he grazed over the shape of her breasts, he was careful not to use too much pressure no matter how much he wanted to, it would all happen with time and too much, too soon could spell disaster. Gauging her reaction and taking her pink, moistened lips and breathlessness to be a good thing, he stepped things up. He placed his hands on her thighs but was mindful not to grip where she’d been grabbed before by the harsh digits of those that she didn’t want to touch her. She managed to glance down between them, to find his fingers gliding over her legs, up to her pelvis, his thumbs smoothing along her inner thighs to make her core sing and her nerves spark even through her sweatpants. Reaching her hips again, he dragged her over the counters surface and something tightened inside him when he eased one of her legs aside and positioned himself between them. His own self-doubt began to toy with him. It had been so long since he’d been in any kind of intimate situation that he wasn’t sure of his own abilities. But she was still kissing him and smiling against him and she hadn’t stopped him yet.

Jess didn’t really know what to expect and so far, everything was steaming along in a lusty haze. Half of her wanted to surrender to him and let him do what he wanted, while the other half of her was screaming to her to stop and that she wasn’t ready for it. But she was stunned that a man such as Daryl, who looked so rough and unrefined, could be so gentle and thoughtful with every connection to her skin and every kiss. The pull to carry on, to ignore the voice in the back of her mind that was telling her it was all too much was being stifled by him winding a hand into her hair and slowly easing her head back. She felt his lips and tongue on her neck, tasting her and sucking the flesh just enough to add a slither of pain, a delightful thrum of a new sensation.

“You think I don’t want you” He growled again against her throat. “I do”

She couldn’t help it, her hand delved into his hair as her eyes snapped open and as she stared at the ceiling, totally flabbergasted by his admittance. She’d never felt anything like it, never heard anyone tell her such a thing and his enthusiasm was knocking her for six. How could she possibly be provoking this kind of yearning from him? Her head was full of questions, but the urge to act now and think later was presiding. His hands moved again, this time venturing to the bottom of her top as he kissed her hungrily.

“Want me to keep goin’?” He asked when his lips momentarily left hers. She tried to speak but nothing but a hush of air emerged. She nodded.

He slowly eased his hands inside her top and the warmth and roughness of him felt amazing on her skin but she began to feel self-conscious when he reached parts of her torso that had not always been that way. Once, they’d felt different and as a result of her evolution, she was left with the marks to prove it. Straight away her limbs were so shaky, it was like they were fading away to nothing. Her muscles tightened under his palms and she tensed up. When he noticed, he didn’t need to ask for an explanation and removed his hands, changing tact and kissing her slowly and deeply. To him, she was curvaceous and alluring in ways that he couldn't even began to try and explain. He just wanted to explore her, all of her, all at once. She groaned against him, experiencing a rush of affection for his choosing not to make a big deal out of her reluctance. But then, he slid his hands down her back to her ass, pulling her hips flush with his pelvis. Yes, it had been a long time indeed for Daryl and the urge to press himself against her had proved to be all too strong. In one, swift movement, the hot and hard sensation that she found held between her legs caused her to shut down. She froze. Every muscle in her body going totally still and all he could do was look down at her, battling the onset of sheer panic.

“Jess? You alright?” he asked with a shaky voice.

“I…I need to stop.” She stammered.

He immediately held his hands up and stepped out from between her legs, showing her in no uncertain terms that he was listening and doing as she asked. He turned to the side and cleared his throat, subtly using one hand to adjust himself in his pants as she slid down from the counter and pulled her straps back up.

“Please will you leave.” She whispered.

“What? What did I do?” He questioned worriedly.

“Nothing. Please, just leave.” She pleaded.

When he noticed that she couldn’t even look at him, his hands went to his head and he briefly pushed his palms to his eyes, devastated by the notion that he might have taken things too far and scared her. His chest was so tight with despair he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“Oh… _shit_.” She heard him whimper before he dropped his arms and gave her the saddest and most desperate look that she never even realised he was capable of. “I thought this was OK. I asked ya. You said it was. I thought you wanted to-”

“Daryl. Please… go” She said, closing her eyes and fighting back tears.

“Alright. Fine. I’m goin’.”

The door slamming made her flinch and the absence of him in the room hit her in the gut like a punch. She buckled over and sank to the floor, hugging her knees and pushing her eyes closed, tears managing to work their way out from beneath as sobs wracked her body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to point out- there is and has always been a rather detailed plan for this story and it’s characters. Myself and tx-ladyj have worked hard on fleshing out the storyline and the OC (who is based on a real person).  
> It’s for this reason that certain questions cannot be answered in the comments. I am not ignoring you, I just don’t want to give anything away.
> 
> Also, please keep in mind that because there is a plan for the storyline, things do get answered and explained if you just read on or wait for the next update. We love the fact that people are so interested but you just have to endure the anticipation and wait and see!


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow. That last chapter stirred up some comments, didn't it?! Thank you to everyone that left one and for all the Kudos that have rolled in. This is a shorter chapter but judging by the response I'm assuming it's been anticipated! If there are any errors, I apologise. I was Dying to get this posted.  
> Massive props to my amazing requester, the ideas oracle herself for such an incredible story so far!

Sleep had evaded her once more. This time it was not nightmares, nor was it an unexpected kiss from Daryl. It was the sheer horror, humiliation and worry that from then on, nothing would ever be the same again with the man she loved. She’d poured over the happenings of that night a million times, each revisit to it coaxing tears to her eyes and a sickening, churning regret deep in her stomach.

After throwing some choice items against the wall and smashing them to pieces, she’d spent two hours furiously cleaning and tidying the diner. Sweeping the same spot on the floor multiple times because it just didn’t look clean enough and picking up a tin of black paint with the intention of moving it somewhere else, for what was quite possibly the hundredth time. She changed the sheets, washed the dirty ones and re-folded all of her clothes until they were stacked in a beautifully square pile in a drawer. She re-organized her books, scrapping the traditional library style of A-Z by author and opting for the wilder approach of color coordinated. The result was more aesthetically pleasing but when she surveyed her efforts with a tilted head and narrowed eyes, the lack of professionalism niggled at her. She changed them back, dusted them all and then tore them all from the shelves again so she could dust the wooden beams before replacing them.

The cracked mirror that hung on her wall showed exactly the turmoil she felt within. The light from a single, pillar candle in her hand did nothing to soften the rough reality of her tired face. Her skin was pallid, her hair barely brushed and her eyes bloodshot from hours of trying to hold back tears and failing miserably. She was hungry, but knew she wouldn’t keep anything down until she could get some clarity, some advice and somewhere to go so that she wasn’t forced to look at the same stain on the countertop over and over again. No one would be awake for hours. It didn’t matter, she needed to get out.

Alexandria was quiet and still and Jess was drawn to Aaron and Eric’s house like a moth to a flame. As she pushed the unlocked front door open, a rush of air left her lungs. It was exhilarating, wandering around in dead of night while everyone but the guards slept and letting herself into someone else’s house. It crossed her mind that maybe this was what it was like to be a career criminal. She crept through the house, pretending she was a stealthy, seasoned burglar on the edge of the law. When she reached the kitchen, she paused at the table, swallowing her anxiety and slowly began to open cupboards.

* * *

Aaron rolled over in bed and kicked the covers from his overheating legs. From beside him, he heard Eric let out a muffled groan while still enveloped in the clutches of a deep sleep. Aaron rarely slept through the night and when the world first started to deteriorate, neither did Eric. Over time and since Eric had ceased recruiting, it was noticed by Aaron that he was falling back into the security of sleeping for at least 6 hours a night. He didn’t resent him for it, he’d done his time outside the walls and not being of high fighting caliber, it was no place for him. Aaron frequently found himself sitting up in bed and reading by candlelight until his eyelids became heavy and his body finally relaxed, sleep gradually creeping in and providing him with some rest. That night had been no different and as he opened his book and slid the bookmark from the page a loud crash from downstairs had him springing up from the mattress and grabbing his knife from where it was wedged between the bed and the bedframe for easy access. The metal scraped across the wood and Eric stirred from the noise, sitting up and rubbing one eye. In the flickering light of the candle on the nightstand he witnessed Aaron with his back slightly arched like a frightened cat and his hands hovering out in front of him, his knife held against one palm with his thumb. The hairs on the back of Eric’s neck stood on end.

“What is it?” He asked.

“Shh” Aaron hushed. He listened and quickly padded around the room when another crash, this time louder rose up the staircase and filtered into the room. He snatched up a box of matches from the nightstand and went to the window ledge, lighting two lanterns and holding one up to Eric.

“Get your knife.” He instructed with no other information that would shed any light on if Eric should be terrified or confident that Aaron knew what he was doing. He didn’t argue and swung his legs out of bed, dragging his knife from the chest of drawers at the other side of the bed and pulling his sneakers on. When he joined Aaron, he was already sneaking out of the door and into the dark hallway. “Stay behind me, keep quiet.” He whispered.

Eric was sure the stairs were never as noisy as they were when the both of them tiptoed down them, taking each one as if it were ten times bigger than it actually was. His hand was sweating around the handle of the knife and he prayed that no Walkers had managed to get past the guards, or worse still, any murderous humans like last time. He swallowed hard and placed a hand on Aarons back.

Aaron jolted and shot him an angry look over his shoulder, causing him to withdraw his hand and make a mental note not to touch him while he was in stealth mode.

“Can’t see a thing” Aaron muttered “I’ll get the living room; you check the kitchen. Stay alert.”

Eric nodded and quickly realized that he couldn’t be seen while he was nodding at the back of his boyfriend’s head.

“Okay” He agreed with a whisper.

As they reached the bottom of the steps, Aaron went off to the right and Eric, now on his own, veered off to the left and entered the kitchen. Moonlight poured through the windows but the corners of the room were shrouded in blackness and as he inched his way inside, he bypassed the light switch, completely forgetting that it would have given him the security of being able to see the whole room. He held out the lantern, which provided a dim glow that was bright enough to reveal a figure slumped on the floor against the refrigerator. He swallowed hard and noted his breathing becoming louder and faster as fear began to tickle at his nerves. The figure was still, with legs sprawled out and its head lowered.

He moved closer still, until he was standing by a boot-covered foot, able to make out the faint outline of military style footwear. Needing to know if he was going to be required to put down a Walker or kill a person, he drew a foot back and swiftly and firmly collided his sneaker with the intruder’s shin.

A loud yelp soon had Aaron racing across the house and into the kitchen, where he slammed the light on to find Eric curled up on the floor, clutching his ankle. Still in the same position against the refrigerator and clutching a bottle of Rum, was Jess.

“He kicked me.” She stated to a shellshocked Aaron at the same time as gracelessly flinging an arm in Eric’s direction. “Not coming here anymore. I get kicked.”

Eric hauled himself up and Aaron leaned down to help him to his feet, both sets of confused eyes staring down at Jess. She lifted the bottle to her lips and took a large gulp of the liquid, screwing up her face and grunting as the alcohol burned her throat. “I guessss I was about to be st-stabbed as well as kicked.” She slurred. “Nice, niiiice.”

“What are you doing here?” Eric asked “You scared the hell out of us, we thought you were a Walker. Or one of those murdering freaks.”

“Oh, I’m a freak alright.” She mentioned “Not here for the murdering though…I’m here for the Rum” She held the bottle aloft and squinted at the contents. “Well whaddaya know, there was a lot more in there when I arrived.”

Aaron stepped closer after briefly patting Eric on the shoulder and signaling that he should probably handle things. Eric pulled out a chair from the dining table and flopped down onto it, running a hand through his hair, extinguishing the lantern and leaving his knife on the surface.

“Jess” Aaron cooed “What are you really doing here? What’s going on?”

His baggy white T-shirt and blue pajama pants caught her attention. They looked so comfortable, she was regretting leaving the confines of her home and her own, oversized, snuggly clothing. But now she had Rum, she was going nowhere.

Aaron was peering at her as he lowered himself to the floor and knelt down. He reached out, intending to take the bottle from her hands but she whipped it away and grit her teeth, a small, animalistic noise emerging from her throat.

“She just growled at you.” Eric pointed out. “Don’t take that bottle if you like your eyeballs in the right place.”

Aaron once again looked over his shoulder and furrowed his brow.

“What? She kicked me too. She’s obviously a mean drunk.” He shrugged.

“I am” Jess chuckled to herself as she allowed herself another gulp. “I am a mean drunk. No, I’m not. I’m not a mean drunk. I’m not a drunk. I’m not-not drunk. I don’t…drink. Usually. Tonight. I do. Tonight, I said ‘yes, Jess! You should get yourself a damn _drank!’._ I deserve a drink. I neeeeed a drink. But I sswear, I only had three sips.”

Eric began to chuckle from behind Aaron and he swiftly held his hand in front of his mouth.

“This reminds me of our first date.” He commented through his fingers.

Aaron closed his eyes and sighed at being reminded of a moment that was not his finest by far. Nerves and pressure ruled his actions that night and it was behavior he’d not repeated since.

“How many times? I was _not_ drunk.” He insisted

“No. You were hammered.” Eric smirked.

Jess, who was apparently listening in her drunken stupor, let out a loud and messy laugh, throwing her head back so quickly it banged on the refrigerator. She gawped at Aaron in shock and continued to laugh as she rubbed the sore spot. Aaron winced at the strong smell of hard liquor that seemed to be clouding around her. While she was busying herself with her own hysterics, he quickly looked at Eric.

“I got this; you should go back to bed.” He told him.

“Hmm. Okay.” Eric agreed as he got up, collected his knife and glared down at Jess, seeing her lift the rum into the air and ‘cheers’ him. “I was saving that bottle, Missy.”

She grinned at him, a wide, shameless and toothy grin that caused both Aaron and Eric to swap an uncomfortable glance.

“Oopssss!” She giggled “Heh! Oh! Oh, it’s Rum! Story time! My parents used to call my brother the ‘Rum n’ Coke kid’. Because Rum…well, that’s what helped bring him into the world” She laughed heartily at her own anecdote.

Glad he was able to run away from having to tend to their intoxicated night guest, Eric left the room and headed up to bed. Aaron shifted around and settled next to her, his eyes lowering to the bottle when she thudded it onto the ground between them. He picked it up, took a sizeable swing from it and placed it back down again, out of her reach and in a much gentler manner than Jess could manage herself. If he was going to handle it, he was going to need a little encouragement.

“C’mon. Tell me.” He coaxed.

“Ooh I think I need sssome advice” she whispered

He was speaking but none of the words were sinking in, rather they just floated into one ear and out of the other. Her mind wasn’t in the room. It was back at the fairground and was yet again going over the messy events of the night before only this time, it was all blurred and distorted and seemed ten times worse than she remembered. She hesitated, dragging her sleeves over her hands and fiddling with them in a juvenile display of anxiety. Aaron scooted closer to her. She now had his undivided attention and was completely at his mercy with her extremely personal problem.

“OK, well, I’ll try my best. What’s going on?” He asked.

“Daryl and-and me. It got…well, we…” She paused, with no clue how to even begin to explain what had happened. “…I’m unprepared.” Was all she could manage to say.

Aaron narrowed his gaze at her and could come up with only one explanation from her stammered words. Quite why it had resulted in her letting herself into his home and drowning herself in booze was beyond him.

“There are rubbers in the bathroom cabinet.” He told her plainly.

It was at that point that she realized that it wasn’t going to be as easy as throwing some basic sentences his way and expecting him to put the pieces of the puzzle together. She was going to have to step up her bravery and bite the bullet.

“Ooohhhkaaayyy” she sighed “Not just unprepared. Inexperienced.”

Aarons eyebrows slowly lifted and his lips parted but his expression was nowhere near as shocked as Jess had envisioned while she’d been fretting about reveling her issues. She was as sure as the day was long that Aaron was the best person that she could have chosen to disclose such a problem to.

“Oh. I uh… I see. Inexperienced meaning _completely_ inexperienced?” he enquired.

“Mmhmm” she squeaked.

“Ah” he stroked his beard and nodded thoughtfully. “Does Daryl know you’re a virgin?”

Her eyes shot up to the ceiling so fast that her eye sockets ached at the sound of the trigger word she’d managed to avoid for years. She hated it with a passion, yet she was at a point in her life where she was going to be forced to face it.

“Ugh. That darn word.” She groaned “Last night he uh, made a move on me. A big move. I got ssscared and threw him out and I feel sooo _, so_ bad, Aaron.” She tilted her head back and pushed her lips together to try and stave off the approaching floodgate of tears that was beginning to topple over the barrier she’d put in place. Induced not only by the memory of it all, but by the alcohol too. They were fast morphing into tears of rage more than anything else. Her anger at herself increasing fast with every passing moment.

“You didn’t tell him?” He pressed gently.

She shook her head before batting at a stray tear and sniffing loudly.

“I wanted to. I really did and at first, I was fine. And he kept asking me if I was okay and I kept saying yes because I wanted to be. I really wanted to be and then, um…it just all hit me. All at once, like _bam, you can’t do this._ I just froze up and made him leave. He was crushed. He’s soo dreamy, Aaron. What the fuck is wrong with me?!”

Without asking, Aaron wrapped an arm around her and brought her to his shoulder, ignoring her tears creating a large wet patch on his T-shirt. He affectionately rubbed at her upper arm and hushed her. It was exactly what she needed, a genuine hug from a good friend to stave off the burning rage and gnawing sadness she carried with her and would only wallow in without him there to help her make sense of it all. She felt like a dead weight against Aaron’s body as she began to slump but he ignored it, telling himself that her inebriated state was to blame for that.

“Tell me what was going through your head.” He urged.

She remembered how busy her brain was at that point. She couldn’t deny that she loved the feeling of him kissing her in spots he never usually did, she was thinking of how incredible it felt to know that he was there because he _wanted_ to be, because he wanted her in a way that no one else ever had. She thought about how his hands felt when he ghosted them over her chest and slid his thumbs along her inner thighs. But she was also plagued by insecurities and anxiety, so much so, that it had accumulated and hit her like a brick wall.

“That I wasn’t ready. That I’d disssa-dissappoint him. That I didn’t wanna get pregnant in an apocalypssse. That he’d think I’m ugly” She answered honestly “Among other things.”

She sat back up and dragged both hands down her face, sighing loudly and sending a piece of partially matted hair flying up at her hairline. She was dressed for hunting but as she’d walked through the trees with the intention of returning to the woods when the sun started to come up, she knew nothing would come of it. With her head so firmly placed elsewhere, she was more likely to catch a cold. Her palms were sweating and she tugged furiously at the zipper on her jacket but her fingers slipped away and Aaron stepped in, hovering his hand over hers to stop her from getting any more annoyed. He pulled her zipper down for her and she shrugged off her coat.

“All of those things you mentioned, they’re understandable, Jess. Not only that, they’re responsible. You’re right not to do anything you’re not ready for, that would only end up bad for the both of you. But you _really_ need to tell him the truth” He advised, noticing that her tears were diminishing and her cheeks were left puffy and pink.

“I remember when I left high school, I was at home with three of my friends, all guys. Out of nowhere, one of them asks me if I still had my V-card and let me tell you…” she wagged a finger at him “…he was _not_ quiet about it. I wasss...ahh, I wass mortified. It’s not easy, to jussst tell him. It’s not. Its this _thing._ This big, important thing that everyone seemsss to think is ssssooo damn easy.”

“Not necessarily.” Aaron corrected. “Do you love him, Jess?”

Her eyes seemed to glaze over and a smile tugged at one corner of her mouth when she thought about all the reasons why she felt so strongly about him.

“So much” She whispered “I love him so much that I spent most of the night throwing ssshit around my house because I messed everything up to such a cata-catastrophic level. I broke my favorite mug. It was a disaster. Then I cleaned everything up. And cleaned it again. I still can’t find a place to put the paint tin.”

“You can deal with that later.” Aaron said softly, placing hand on her shoulder. “Has it ever occurred to you that maybe Daryl is just as terrified about this as you? Has he ever told you about any girlfriends he’s had in the past?”

“No girlfriends to speak of but hell, he’s no virgin.” She blurted out. “I don’t exactly have anything to compare it to but honestly, when I ignore how terrifying it was…it wasssalssso amazing. He was sssooo gentle and attentive. He didn’t have to take one single item of my clothing off and I wass imagining smothering him in Blue Belle ice cream and going…to… _town._ I think the guy might have ssskills.”

Seemingly impressed he nodded with interest and hummed to himself.

“Hmm. Well, Daryl sure is thorough when it comes to completing tasks. Looks like you’ll reap the benefits of that.” He commented with a smirk. “Okay, so to sum all this up; you’ve never had sex and he’s never had a girlfriend. You two are like the blind leading the blind but all it’s going to take is a little honesty and understanding. Just talk to him. I was right about everything up until this point. I’m on a winning streak, don’t let me down now.”

Jess leaned over him, collecting the bottle from his side and rapidly taking a gulp before he could stop her.

“You’re a wise and knowledgeable gay, y’know that?” She smiled across the bottles rim before taking another sip and discarding it on the floor. The harsh liquid hit her throat and helped to soothe her worry, brining her back down to earth and in the moment.

“I know” He agreed smugly “You may be drunk but I’m just glad you came to me and not Abraham or you’d have been sent on your way with a slap on the ass and a bag of sex toys by now.”

She chuckled at the observation, mainly because it wasn’t an inaccurate one at all. Abraham’s unorthodox reaction to such problems was to crack a joke and preoccupy himself with Rosita and some private time.

Her conversation with Aaron and his unwavering support confirmed to her that an idea she’d toyed with while scrubbing the diner clean was the correct course of action.

“There’s something else” She told him. “Please can I move in here with you and Eric?”

His face broke into a delighted smile and he leaned back in surprise. Ever since she’d arrived at Alexandria, Aaron had clicked with her and as much as she tried to keep her distance, coming across as cold and disinterested in any friendships, he could always tell when she was smiling behind her mask. Her eyes were telling and he knew she had a good sense of humour that gelled well with his own. Eric also liked her and they’d both enjoyed a much closer, much more trusting and open friendship since her mask come down and her real identity came forth.

“Of course, you can. Your room is exactly the same as the last time you stayed. I’m so pleased you listened to Deanna.” He expressed.

“I’m not doing it for Deanna.” She corrected.

“Ah.” He grunted. “Say no more. Hey, why don’t you ask Daryl to help you move? Be a good opportunity for you guys to talk.”

She turned to her side and dived at him, hugging him tightly as he laughed at her sudden gesture.

“Good idea, MonkeyNuts. Thank you.” She beamed.

* * *

After being coaxed to get up from the floor and leave the Rum alone, Aaron helped Jess up to the spare room, where she slipped into an alcohol induced, deep sleep that was more like a coma than proper rest. When she awoke, she had no idea that it was the middle of the afternoon the next day and all she could think about when her eyes flickered open was the heavy thudding in her head and the aching behind her eyes.

Still fully clothed, she groaned and clawed her way over the bedsheets to the glass of water on the nightstand that felt like it was a million miles away.

_Hells bells. If ambulances were still a thing I’d be calling one right about now._

Reaching the glass, she slid it from the surface and gulped down the entire thing without a single breath, her lungs straining for air once she’d finally swallowed and savoured the much-needed hydration. Then, her stomach cramped and she buckled over, holding a hand to her abdomen.

_Don’t throw up. Don’t throw up._

A wave of nausea hit her but she held her mouth closed and drew in a breath through her nose, willing it to be over as quickly as it started. Pleased when it subsided, she rolled out of the bed and shakily stood up, her joints feeling as though they were made from paper.

Leaving the room in such a state wasn’t an idea that appealed to her at that point and so, she sat back down, allowing herself a few minutes to get herself together. When Eric appeared with another glass of water and a most amused grin on his face, she rolled her sore eyes and politely asked him never to mention her little mishap to anyone.

It took her another hour to be able to face the sunshine outside but she couldn’t delay it any longer, she had to find Daryl and try to make things right, partly because she couldn’t handle another midnight meltdown on Aaron and Eric’s Kitchen floor.

It was the first time since her attack that she’d entered their kitchen and she could honestly say that due to her distressed state and near enough all of her inhibitions being lowered at the time, it had only taken once glance at the table for her to sneer in disgust as she experienced a rush of rage at the sight. But she’d pushed through it and although the darkness provided a cloak over the offending piece of furniture, she realised that avoiding it altogether for the rest of her days would only prolong the lasting effects she felt from such a trauma.

When evening set in, she found herself in the middle of the street, in front of the gate and having left Aaron and Eric begging her to just eat something to soothe her hangover. Still with a severe headache and the weight of what had happened on her shoulders, but feeling a little clearer about everything, she accepted that she had no choice but to brave seeing Daryl or the whole situation could spiral into something even worse; she could lose him altogether.

She scanned the area, checking the vegetable patch in front of her first. Then, she walked past the church and peered inside. Nothing. Upon passing Deanna’s place, she could see her sat her desk, embroiled in what looked like a heated argument with Spencer. Next, was the houses and the first one; the Grimes house.

She stopped in her tracks when she raised her vision from the path to find Daryl glaring back at her like a lion sitting before its kingdom. He was alone and she took that as a saving grace, having to put on a brave face in front of anyone else at that point was likely to end badly. Her heart sank at how infuriated he appeared to be with her. He didn’t speak, move or even blink as she gingerly took the steps up to the porch.

“Hi” she sighed. She knew better than to expect a response when she observed his standoffish aura and the strained atmosphere between them after her only having been present for a matter of seconds. “Are you busy?” she asked.

His dirty boots were rested on top of the clean, glass table and his seat was pushed back, balancing on it’s back two legs. Daryl always had a way of looking both relaxed and completely furious all at once.

“I look busy?” he grunted with a slight turn of one hand as if she’d asked a totally stupid question.

“We should talk.” She mentioned.

He immediately shook his head and lowered his chair back onto the porch floor with a loud clunk. He lifted his legs from the table and rested his ankle of one leg on his knee while he picked at the frayed patches sewn into his jeans.

“Naw. Spoke to Deanna this mornin’. I aint talkin’ to you ‘bout shit until you move your stubborn ass inside these walls.” He snapped, raising his voice and jabbing at the floor with a pointed finger to signify that he wanted her there and he wanted her safe.

“Actually, I was also going to ask you if you’d mind helping me move my stuff to Aaron and Eric’s.” She told him, seeing his face change slightly. Now, he was suspicious more than anything else. Did he really think she would be lying to him at a time like that?

“So, you _are_ movin’.” He checked, feeling like he’d almost heard her wrong after her being so set on staying at the fairground before.

“Yeah. But I’m not doing it for Deanna. Or for Aaron and Eric, or even for myself. I’m doing it for you.”

The incensed but controlled look on his face didn’t wane again and it did little for her faith in repairing what she’d damaged. But he was thinking, she could see it in his body language as his thumb tapped on the chairs arm and he furiously nibbled at his lip.

“Right now?” He asked.

“Right now.”

He got up from his seat and Jess backed up as though he might bulldoze straight through her. He thumped down the steps and along the path without a single word.

* * *

Both the walk to the fairground and the first few minutes of packing Jess’s belongings into boxes was unbearably quiet and with each uncomfortably long minute passing, her temper increased and her head throbbed. Before long, and even with the persistent pain inside her skull, she was slamming items on the counter top, throwing clothes around and literally tossing things that she didn’t want over her shoulder.

Daryl was no different and he sought the ability to vent by ripping the blankets from her bed and scrunching them up into a messy ball before throwing them into a box and setting about cawing the pillow cases off. He plonked down onto the bare mattress and shoved the box aside when he was done, setting his sights on the pile of books on the makeshift coffee table.

Jess’s attention kept waning and every time she failed to stop herself from stealing a peep at him from across the room, she felt her chest glow with anger. But it was not aimed at him. It was directed at the situation and at herself. For not being like everyone else, for being so inconveniently different and slow off the mark, for being unable to keep her hang-ups and anxiety in check, for not being everything he needed her to be.

He’d made a pile on the bed of books and a myriad of trinkets and was organising them into boxes, starkly aware that for the entire journey there and even after around twenty minutes, neither of them had said a single word to one another and the tension was becoming unbearable.

Jess was expelling her frustration by literally throwing things around and not even bothering to aim at boxes anymore. The jarring noises as they collided with the floor made Daryl cringe, but he didn’t show it. Jess needed the noise, it happened to be a whole lot easier to digest than her emotions at the time. She irritated herself even further by failing to fight the need to steal looks at him and she frequently took a deep breath, feeling the words move to the tip of her tongue before vanishing altogether. That was, until they didn’t.

“It wasn’t you.” She muttered while able to see the lack of movement from him as she picked up some spare holsters and checked over the buckles.

Daryl had expected to have to face such a topic at some point, but expecting it hadn’t made it any easier to enter into, especially when it went along with such an obvious display of frustration from the other side of the room. He’d spent the night trying to figure out what had gone so wrong, what it was that had suddenly caused her to change her mind and he had whittled it down to one thing; it most certainly was him, but he wasn’t wrong to try after so many demands for answers.

_Course it was me. I’m a fuckin’ Dixon. All we ever do is fuck shit up._

“I’m a fucking freak.” She huffed under her breath. She heard him scoff loudly before he pulled the sheets back out of the box and started to fold them messily.

“Bullshit.” He muttered, telling himself that she wasn’t going to turn the tables on him and play the sympathy card. She had been the one to demand an explanation and to him, he’d gone a step further than just telling her. He’d _shown_ her and it had backfired to the point where he wasn’t sure if anything would be the same again. He didn’t grace her with any more words, instead he continued to fold the fabric. Then, he sensed her stop from the corner of his eye. He braced himself, fearing that things would escalate into a falling out that he’d rather not endure. She rubbed at her temples with a pained expression and he noted the bags under her eyes.

“When I say I’m a freak, I mean that I might joke about not having any experience in relationships, but it’s not just the emotional part that I’m talking about…. It’s the physical part too.”

He paused with the sheets still pinched between his fingers, his hands held up in mid-air.

“What?”

“I’ve never been with anyone.” She blurted out “Not even up to second base. No one’s ever been up to bat. I thought maybe I found someone in the past but he lied to me and hurt me. He used me to get to my best friend and ever since, I just knew it wouldn’t happen for me…” She took a deep breath, seeing his captivated but still stern expression “…and it didn’t. Until you kissed me last night and I realized that you were there because you _wanted_ to be. Yeah, I freaked the fuck out. I have never had someone that I care about so much want me like that and being the dumbass and overthinker that I am, it all got too much and I had to stop.”

It was a long time before he spoke and the weight of Jess’s confession hung in the air like smoke. Daryl sank down onto the bed with his hands wringing in front of him as he leaned forwards with his elbows on his knees. She noted that his body language was all pointed in the opposite direction and he was determined to keep his attention focused away from her, it was something that toyed with her need to panic.

It hadn’t crossed his mind. Not once amid the clandestine meetings and secret kisses. Never during the moments of wandering hands or breathless whispers. She kissed him like she meant it and her inexperience was a revelation not only because of her age and the way she returned his flirting, but because he thought her to be an incredible example of feminine strength and resilience, a bright light when she smiled and laughed and the most captivating thing he’d ever seen. He couldn’t wrap his head around why no one had tried until now.

“I didn’t know.” He murmured before summoning up the courage to say what he knew he really needed to before he lost his chance. “There’s some stuff I gotta say to you.”

“Okay” She sniffed.

He shifted to the edge of the mattress, in amongst the tousled sheets and rubbed at his short, grey tinted beard with his thumb and forefinger.

“You’re the first person that’s ever mattered to me. More than my own life” He started, much to Jess’s surprise. “I never had nobody that I actually wanted to spend time with. Or wanted to spend time with me. You drive me crazy one-minute n’ make me laugh two seconds later.” He risked a peek at her and Jess heard a small growl followed by a deep breath. It was obvious that he was highly uncomfortable and she wanted more than anything to reach out and go to him, to hold his hand, but the taut muscles in his jaw told her that it was best to leave him be. “Everythin’ in my head tells me to run. But my heart…says somethin’ different. It says ‘don’t run, you fuckin’ asshole. She’s right there. Take a chance.’ I’m scared shitless by all this and you- you _slapped me in the face_ by demandin’ that I leave when I finally put myself on the line.”

Her eyes flickered and a familiar but unwanted knot formed in her throat. She tried to swallow it away but then her eyes grew hot and her vision turned glassy. She didn’t just have a hangover to contend with. Now, tears brimmed, at risk of overflowing and she gasped in a shaky breath. Daryl sprang up from the bed, horrified that he’d made her cry but glad that he’d managed to say his piece and let her know just how she’d made him feel.

“Oh god.” She whimpered, briefly covering her face with her hands and giving in to the onslaught of sadness that was rushing to the surface. Daryl could only slowly wander back and forth with his head tilted to the ceiling as if it held all the answers. “Daryl…I…will you look at me?” She pleaded.

“I can’t right now.” He uttered with a small shake of his head.

“Please, Daryl. Please look at me. Please.” She begged, her voice cracking and tears now streaming down her face. “I need you to look at me…please.”

It took every bit of his resolve but her helpless pleas were chipping away at him, with every request she cried at him, another piece of him seemed to fall away to nothing. He stopped walking and finally connected his eyes with hers through his messy hair.

“I didn’t mean to throw you out like I did. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I would never do that. My head was just so damn _loud,_ I just needed to be alone. God, I handled this so badly and I’m so sorry. You can just say it, tell me I’m an asshole.”

“No” he refused.

“Please. Just say it. You hate me.” She was begging him with wet cheeks and even found herself taking a step forward before realizing that it was pointless. It didn’t matter how much space was in the room between them, she felt further away from him than she had ever been in the time since he’d walked back into her life. The air in the room seemed to turn thick and she felt like she might choke. Daryl stopped his anxiety induced ritual and willed himself to meet her eye for the sentence he was about to deliver. She needed to hear it and she also needed to believe it.

“I aint ever gonna hate you.” He assured her.

A breath left her lungs in a rush and she crumpled, her shoulders sagging and her body falling back and hitting the countertop behind her. Her back griped at the pain but it wasn’t as important enough as the sheer relief that was coursing through every fiber of her being.

_He doesn’t hate me._

Moving to the window and skirting around bags and his crossbow, he looked out at the view beyond the diner. The sun was high in the sky and the entire fairground was bathed in its glow. Leaves on the trees in the distance glittered in the breeze and for a few, fleeting seconds he wished he was out there, stalking through the woods and hunting anything other than a resolution to such a complex and baffling subject. With his new found knowledge of Jess’s position, his chest felt tight with guilt when he remembered how events had unfolded.

“Shit.” He hissed to himself through fingers that were pressed against his mouth “I fuckin’ scared ya.” He stated as he turned back to her “When I pulled ya against me. If I’d known you’re a…” he trailed off, unsure if he could use the word and if it would offend her or not. “…y’know. I wouldn’t have gone that far. Why didn’t ya tell me?”

She tried to think of an occasion that it would have been appropriate to convey such a personal thing and came up with nothing. There was never a right time to discuss such matters and she considered that maybe she should have just mentioned it in passing, during one of their deep conversations and saved both of them from having to deal with such a difficult situation. Things didn’t always work the way people wanted them to though, the end of the world made sure of that. Had she known his intentions towards her were genuine, the chances of her dropping such a bombshell still would have been slim, try as she might, she couldn’t just shake off the embarrassment and shame of being such a late bloomer.

“How? When?” She sniffed, picking up a T-shirt from the box on the countertop and messily rubbing at her face with it. “There was no ideal moment for that. What was I supposed to say? ‘Please can you pass me that tin of beans, by the way I haven’t ever had sex before?’. I didn’t know you wanted me like that. I didn’t even know why you were kissing me. I thought maybe it was just a little fun for you until someone prettier came along.”

Her words were hanging in the air along with the dust particles that were illuminated by the light shining through the now uncovered window. Having to move and pack meant they needed more light but Jess found herself to be standing right in it, as if she were the subject of some kind of cruel joke while standing in a spotlight for everyone to see. But Daryl was the only other person present and that was suffocating enough. Her heart sank when he turned back to the window and began picking at the black paint on the glass, letting more light in, one, small fraction at a time.

“So that’s what you think of me” He stated quietly. “That I’d use you ‘n toss ya aside for somebody else.”

“I didn’t know. You wouldn’t talk about it. Why wouldn’t you go for someone prettier instead of wasting your time with me? I’m just-”

“-’Cause to me there aint nobody prettier than you, Jess!” he suddenly raged from nowhere, his body spinning around and his legs carrying him a couple of strides closer to her. She was silenced and after shock had taken control of her facial features, her mouth gradually fell open. Although he appeared angry, she could see it in his face and in the way he squeezed his eyes shut and bit down on his lip as if he was in pain – he was struggling to say what he wanted but was pushing through with total determination anyway. “What you’re sayin’, it’s bullshit. I wanna kiss you every god damn time I see you.” He told her, braving eye contact once more and finding that his outburst had taken her completely off guard. “It wasn’t no mistake. It never was. I knew what I was doin’ n’ I’ve known every time since. I know I should have talked to ya but…I just really don’t know how. Whatever’s happened between us, it’s happened ‘cause we _both_ wanted it to n’ I know, Jess… I know it ain’t enough of an explanation to you, but right now it’s all I got ‘cause this whole thing it- it’s _fuckin’_ with my head.”

The only explanation he could offer her was so much more than he’d delivered before and finally, she felt as if they might be getting somewhere. There was still the small issue of her own self-esteem and how difficult it made it for her to accept such a thing to be true. What did he even see in her? What did she have that was so appealing to him? It was a mystery to her, but one that she was comfortable to live with for the time being. She appreciated his honesty, even more so after witnessing how tough it had been for him to say it.

“Thank you…for trying to explain.” She whispered.

“You believe me?” he shot back like he was reading her mind.

“As much as my suspicious mind allows me to.” Lying to him to save on the embarrassment was not an option. He was right, he’d put himself on the line and took a chance on her. She’d hurt him and thrown him out but now he was opening up in a way that was beyond uncomfortable for him and the least she could do was tell him the truth.

He moved back over to the bed, sitting down again and plucking at a thread on the knee of his jeans. He was staring at her. Relentless and intense. Her heart fluttered.

_What is he doing?_

“I know you like me” he admitted.

“What?” she asked.

“Heard ya, talkin’ to Aaron, a long time ago. I know you like me.”

Her reaction was both fascinating and endearing to him as he saw her hear tilt back, her eyes close and a small huff of breath leave her chest.

“For the love of god.” She growled to herself. She was so sick of being caught out with everything, every time she tried to be sneaky and under the radar it was exposed and she was left humiliated. Once, she’d moved in the shadows and eluded detection by Walkers and human’s alike. Once, she’d been nothing but a slight movement in the trees or a set of footprints in the dust. Now, it felt like everything she ever said or did was broadcast, just like back at the quarry when her journal was read out as if it were a public service announcement. “Good job I never joined the CIA or the FBI. Agent obvious over here.”

He couldn’t help it; he gave in and allowed the corner of his mouth to lift at the sight of her exasperation at being caught out. He decided to try and encourage her to do the same.

“Was the best thing I’d heard in a long time.” He said. She didn’t smile, but it was satisfying enough for Daryl to see her cheeks turn a light shade of pink and her eyes flit away from him and then back again. “Noticed how ya got all shy n’ shit and blushed a lot. Kinda like ya are now. But I wasn’t sure that ya liked me like that. I didn’t know what I was fuckin’ lookin’ for with that stuff, if I had an idea it would have died of loneliness. Then, I actually heard ya say it and…well, figured I better man the hell up n’ kiss ya, ‘fore ya changed ya damn mind. Still don’t get it, think ya must have hit your head real hard or somethin’.”

“Stop it” She mumbled. And there it was, subtle but undeniable, she smiled at him thinly. “Look, last night you didn’t force me to do anything. You asked my permission; you did everything right. But you know I didn’t always look like this, Daryl. Yeah, I’m now available with forty percent less fat but the insecurities? They’re still there. I’m real self-conscious and there were so many things going through my mind. I wasn’t ready, I didn’t want to disappoint you, I didn’t want to get pregnant, I didn’t want you to think I’m ugly and I didn’t want to be horrible at it. And as much as I thought I was over the attack; it was the only other time that somebody has ever touched me where you did. There was also the fact that it felt amazing and I was just _so_ confused. Things were building up and it was serious and emotional and when you pulled me against you… it-it made it so _real._ ”

He lowered his head and slowly rubbed the forefinger and thumb of one hand across his temples. She heard a strangled rasp of irritation emanate from him before he looked back over at her.

“Can’t stand that I scared ya.” He conveyed sincerely and with a certain degree of sadness that was not lost on Jess. It nudged at her need to reassure him.

“I’m a virgin. I was going to be scared anyway if it was you or somebody else. I know it’s weird and awkward and you can go right ahead and laugh if you want.” She joked with the flick of a hand in his direction.

“I look like I’m finding this funny to you? He shot at her with a sudden, tetchy change in tone. He was switching between moods so quickly it was starting to make her head spin.

“No. I’m just trying to lighten the mood. Dang.” She complained.

“I shouldn’t have done it. You didn’t want it.” He blurted out.

“Yes, I did.”

“No, you didn’t. I’ll back off.”

“No.” She said a little quicker than she’d intended “I mean, unless you don’t want to do the… uh, the kissing thing and…maybe more. Later. Not today. I have shit to do. I don’t-I don’t know. I mean, I understand if you don’t want to carry on with whatever the hell it is that we’ve been doing. I can’t exactly give you what you want”

“What I want?”

“Yeah, I have no experience and I’ll just be terrible” she dismissed shyly.

“You think that’s all I want?”

“What? No, I didn’t mean-”

Then, he laughed. A short, sarcastic laugh laced with anger. It meant Jess started to panic and she took a step back when he stood up and locked her in his sights.

“Do you _really_ think I would have spent the last few weeks kissing you if that was all I wanted? Damn, Jess, that is a whole lotta effort to get laid for a guy that barely fuckin’ talks to folks. I really gave ya that impression?”

“N-No-” She stammered uselessly.

“What then, huh? You do, don’t ya? Ya think I only talk to ya because of that.”

“No! Oh my god. No. I don’t know about this stuff, okay? I don’t know how guys think or how any of this is supposed to work.” She tried. But it was already obvious that she was digging herself a rather large hole.

“How guys think? I ain’t like other guys, Jess! Ya ain’t worked that out yet?! I aint my fuckin’ brother!”

Her heart almost broke into two pieces at him ever entertaining the thought that he was anything like Merle. She’d seen first-hand the way Merle was with women. Chauvinistic. disrespectful. Rude. He treated them like objects, things he could pick up and use when he wanted. Daryl was the polar opposite and she couldn’t understand why he would ever think otherwise.

“I know!” She cried, before making a marked effort to lower her own voice so it didn’t escalate the situation. “I know you’re different and that’s a good thing. Jesus, you’re my superhero. My Bucky Barnes, Daryl. You know that. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.”

There it was again, that reference to her favourite superhero. He would never understand why she saw him that way, but he was willing to go with it, unable to ignore the pride it made him feel. After never having been anything to anyone, being someone’s superhero was definitely something he could live with. It told him that she did see a lot more in him that he ever did and also that she perceived him as turning into the better man that she always thought he was, under the Dixon brother façade.

“I ain’t offended” he grumbled.

“You are, but alright.” She scoffed.

“You gotta know that I ain’t all about that. I ain’t Merle. I’m not. I only-I only kiss you. It’s just you.” He stammered.

_This can’t get much fuckin’ worse. Might as well take Abe’s advice n’ grab the bull by the nutsack._

“Fuck it. I’m just gonna say this. Don’t take it the wrong way.” Before he could give her time to respond, she blinked in surprise when he crossed the room and stopped in front of her, far enough away to not be imposing yet close enough that she could see the conflict behind his eyes. He could also detect the faint odour of liquor in the air and coupled with her temple rubbing and tired eyes, there could only be one reason.

_Is she…hungover?!_

“I know you n’ Abe are friends.” He stated, ignoring the fact that he could smell liquor a mile away, ever since he was a child, he’d been able to trace the smell of alcohol, his father had made sure of that. But it wasn’t the time to bring it up, there were more pressing matters. “He’s kickin’ kinda close to the damn mark if ya ask me but I know he thinks a lot of ya n’ I can’t argue with that. But Spencer… guy makes me madder than boiled owl n’ if he ever touches ya, I’ll fuckin’ kill him. Unless I’m threatening the likes of that asshat I aint ever good with words so… I wanted to _show_ ya that you were wrong. If I said I didn’t have designs on ya last night, I’d be lyin’. I did want you. Think you could…feel that at the time.” He expressed, diverting his gaze from her face and hating the sensation of crawling dread in his veins. He was now so far out of his comfort zone, it was making him sweat.

“Yeah, that was um…new.” She mentioned, willing herself to stop talking but somehow, words continued to pour out of her mouth “Not altogether unpleasant but still…new. Not felt a whole lotta…um…those-that…before. Well, shit. I’m rambling. I’ll shut up.”

“Right” he huffed. She was pleased to find that despite her humiliating waffling, it had made him smile again and this time it was brighter and had changed his body language entirely. He leaned sideways on the countertop, relaxing his shoulders and Jess felt a rush of relief.

“I was just scared.” She told him.

“I know. S’ya first time. Pretty big deal. Should think ‘bout it n’ who ya want it to be with. Ya don’t want me, you can do better.” He expressed, picking a rag from the countertop and folding it in half. He smoothed his fingers along the crease and dumped it on the box that rested on a stool between them.

She wanted to grab him, shake him and tell him that there would never be anyone else because of one, very relevant reason; she loved him. The notion that she would ever bypass him was almost laughable. She moved away from the counter top to the couch and beckoned him to follow her. He did without question and set aside a pile of arrows so he could sit down at her side.

“Daryl, I trust you” Her voice lowered to a shy mumble “This is going to sound weird but I don’t get butterflies like most folks, I get frickin’ _dragons_ flying around in there and that’s why I get all flustered and shy… because of you. You do that to me. Of course, It helps that you’re physically all that n’ a bag of potato chips. Why the hell would I want my first time to be anyone else but you?”

“Uh…” He rasped with a slow rub of his chin. He was shocked and his face screwed up in complete bafflement. He’d not faced such a declaration before and struggled to hide his amazement. “Really?!” he asked.

“Yes. Really. But you don’t have to. I totally get it if you don’t want to.”

“Nobody’s ever said nothin’ like that to me before. Means a lot…comin’ from you” he uttered. “If ya want this and you’re sure and I mean like, a hundred percent, then I’m with ya.”

“Oh. K. Good” She whispered, blushing furiously. Her cheeks were so hot it was starting to seep into the rest of her body but a quick glance at Daryl told her that she was not the only one feeling the heat of the topic.

After a few passing moments during which she quickly held her fingers to her cheeks in a failed attempt to cool them down, Daryl turned to her and studied her face without speaking for such a long time that she expected him to change his mind. He was torn between wanting the world for her and knowing he wasn’t good enough and feeling an electric and nearly unbreakable pull towards her all the time. He couldn’t wrap his mind around how she saw him but was extremely flattered, bashful and more than a little proud. Bowled over by the fact that she liked him enough to want to take such a step, he couldn’t help but worry about his lack of emotional experience when it came to intimacy. Having sex with someone hadn’t ever been more than a fumble in the dark, a drunken encounter or a means to an end for Daryl. Now, that would all change and he would be contending with something he wasn’t as aligned with as he would have liked.

“While we’re confessin’ …I ain’t…” he started, knowing that matching her brave confession would do wonders to quell her anxiety “…I ain’t ever had sex with nobody I gave a damn about. It was like - I dunno - it was always just a physical thing or somethin’ I did when I was drunk or high. Ain’t nobody ever trusted me with somethin’ so big before. Would kinda be a first for me too. Bein’ with somebody that matters.”

 _How is Aaron right about everything?!_ She thought.

“You really don’t have to” She reminded him. 

“Jesus Christ” He growled in frustration as he leaned back on the sofa and sighed loudly. “Ya wanna have sex with me? Great, let’s do it. Ya don’t, that’s fine too. Alright?”

“Oh. O-OK.” She chuckled. He shook his head and was soon mirroring her, the both of them just about done with such a taxing conversation “I need to take things slow. Like, super slow.” She warned him.

“I know. I aint ever gonna make you do stuff ya aint good with. Just find a way to tell me if ya, y’know…”

“… wanna change up to second base?”

He laughed again, placing a hand on her knee. Her stomach flipped with excitement and happiness at the small gesture. It was like he was giving her confirmation and not just of their agreement, but of the fact that nothing between them had been damaged. In fact, it had strengthened due to their unabashed, yet tough to deliver honesty.

“Yeah. That.” He smiled.

“Thank you. For understanding. And not judging me.” She said as she positioned her hand over his and felt him lift his fingers, lacing them between her own.

“Don’t be stupid. I’d never judge ya for that shit. Ain’t really a bad thing. Better to be that way than fallin’ outta a dive bar with a different guy every night.” He mused with a shrug.

Curiosity was already starting to rear its head for Jess. She had questions, multiple questions but didn’t want to ask them all at once and risk undoing all their progress. And so, she chose one, single question that would have to suffice until a later date.

“You don’t have to answer this, but what was your first time like?” she questioned.

“Quick.” He answered without hesitation. “She was alright I guess, but I didn’t really know her. We was both high as shit. Got the job done but it was a damn mess.”

“The ‘job’?” She questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah…first time, done. Just like that. I was just lookin’ forward to Merle easin’ up on callin’ me a fancy boy for a while.” He huffed.

She giggled quietly and looked down at their hands. Daryl had noted her vulnerability since they’d arrived at the fairground and while she still held some of it, she seemed happier as she slid her hand under his and watched him graze his thumb back and forth over her skin.

The curiosity was not only on Jess’s side. Daryl had questions too but was never one for probing for information, he usually waited until it was offered but things had changed and he thought that maybe he could be afforded an exception or two.

“There a bar ‘round here I don’t know about or somethin’?” he asked.

Her eyes widened and she slowly raised a hand to her face, breathing on her palm and sniffing it. Horrified by the result, she pressed the fingers of both hands to her lips and looked at him, shocked.

“Ahh I smell like a traaaamp.” She groaned. “I was sad. I might have had a little help to get me through the night. All it did was leave me with a headache and little to no dignity. I swear, I brushed my teeth. It’s like I have a cloud of Rum following me around.”

“Booze does that.” He smiled. “Mind if I ask ya somethin’ else?”

“Shoot. This can’t get much more embarrassing.”

“Ya ain’t never…almost?” he enquired warily

“No.” She shook her head , found his hand again and gripped his fingers that little bit tighter. “No guys ever liked me enough. Not even the asshole that lied about liking me. Thought the only dude that would be interested was Dracula.”

“What?” He chuckled.

“Y’know, my pure, virgin blood” she announced dramatically in a strange accent.

“Only thing your blood is gonna do is get Dracula fuckin’ hammered.”

She laughed loudly and Daryl was pleased to be moving out of the danger zone and back into their usual way of conversing. The subject matter being so personal only proved that what he’d seen as a setback was actually a stepping stone in the right direction.

“I’m a precious commodity in the supernatural world…Hey, maybe if you change your mind you could always sacrifice me to the volcano gods, or offer me up as some kind of bargaining chip to get rid of the Walkers. I hear Satan likes them pure.” She suggested in amusement.

He leaned into her and nestled at her neck, the soft brush of his lips on her skin made her close her eyes and tilt her head to allow him better access.

“Satan’s gonna have to find somebody else.”

Her heart, finally was somewhat at peace now she knew where she stood and although she couldn’t understand what it was that drew him to her in such a way, in that moment, she couldn’t have cared less. With his hand holding hers and his lips leaving small kisses along her neck, she was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, I am having to put this story, and all my others, on hold for the time being. I have taken up a course that will enable me to eventually change my career and allow me to do what I love most; Writing. This is very important to me so for now, it needs to remain as my focus. I want to thank all of the subscribers, everyone that's bookmarked, left kudos and commented, every single one of you is appreciated. Most of all, I want to thank tx_ladyj for being so understanding and patient with me. We aren't abandoning Jess and Daryl, we will be back!


End file.
